I gotta know tonight, if you're alone tonight, can't stop this feeling, can't stop this fire .

I wanna start today with a congratulations to Leo DiCaprio. I am beyond estatic and so happy for him for finally winning an Oscar. I was begining to think that the Academy hates him for some insane reason for over looking him every year. But it finally happened and I am so fucking happy. Great job babe, you deserved it. Well you deserved it for all six parts you were nominated in but I'm glad you finally got it. This movie was sick and you have all my respect for making it through. So great fucking job. Also I loved the speech, climate change is real it's happening now and we shouldn't sit on our asses twirling our fingers but actually do something about it. It's been haunting me even stronger ever since I saw that skinny polar bear picture that makes me want to cry each time I remember it. So thank you for speaking out, you of all people have a voice people hear and listen to so thank you for standing up for something that actually matters. Here's a little throwback to a fun memory. Hah.

Now to another good news. Seems like all I got today are good news. Hah. I saw Alice Cooper last year as an opening act for Motley Crue. LOVED him! Then again I always loved the psycho heh, so I kept moping and complaining how I want to see him again sometime and how I don't even know if he'll do a solo tour let alone somewhere near me. Then guess what happened? Mr. Cooper confirmed a show in MY OWN GOD DAMN COUNTRY. OH MY GOD! I don't remember being this excited since...well ever! No good music comes to this stupid country now Alice is comming. I can't help but think I somehow summoned him with all my complaining. Haha. Let's be serious, I nearly cried off two pounds with all my whining. Either way, I'm so excited! Can't wait. Between seeing Simple plan this weekend and Alice in June and Springsteen in July and all the work that has to be done and that three day convention. Woah I'm in way over my head but you know. What's gotta be done s' gotta be done. What's the point in living if you just survive and never really ''live''? You know what I mean right?

Anyways in this weeks music post, I'm sharing another one of my top 5 faves. Def Leppards Hysteria.

I think I love Hysteria that much more because it's the first record they did after that accident where Rick Allen lost his arm. I think the man is such an inspiration he doesn't let anything get in his way of doing what he loves and that is so fucking amazing. I love this record in my opinion it's way better then Pyromania but that's just me. Though I think it was actually Hysteria that got them number one on the charts. If I'm not mistaking it was Thriller that always kept them at number two and I believe Hysteria knocked it and everyone else off that first place. I love the drums I love the riffs I love the lyrics. All of it is perfect. Love bites, Hyteria, Pour some sugar on me, Animal...those are such amazing songs even though the entire record is pretty much perfect. Either way I love it it's one of my favorites, you should give it a listen sometimes because you just can not not love it.

Anyways, I'm off to whatever stupid thing I have to do for school this week, not like I have better work to do in this pouring rain. Oh my god how low have I fallen where I have nothing better to do then study...Tragic. Cheers guys! Enjoy your day.

On a bed of roses, not beneath some motel light, on a bed of roses, she deserves to sleep tonight.

Darlin' I know you're sleepin' but there's something I've just got to say. Wonder if you'll hear me while you're dreamin' you make a lifetime out of every day. Thanks to you now I know all my dreams can come true.

Blind Faith in you, I got blind Faith in you.

Well seems like I'll be chewing my nails for a little while longer then. Bruce Springsteen keeps adding dates to the tour, Vienna is basically official, I mean there are tickets for sale already but nothing on the official site. Nothing. While another date has been added in Milan after selling out the first one in ten minutes. It's not that I'm freaking out or anything but I will be severly pissed the fuck off if I'm sitting here waiting for Vienna that won't happen and I won't have any tickets. That just won't do. So Bruce for the love of god. Put me out of my misery and make it official already would you? Thanks.

So how was your week then? Mine went from good to bad to just plain weird. Sometimes we all need a moment of breather don't you think? A little rest far from everyone and everything. Well if only it was as easy as it sounds. Life is rarely as easy. I've learned though that it may not be easy but in the end it's worth the fight. After all we are not our failures. Shit happens but you get up and try again. That's how it goes. You fall down and you get back up again. I've been told recently that I shouldn't trust anyone and to be fair it caused a serious battle inside of me. In a way they were right. Who can you trust these days? Besides yourself? And in a way they weren't right. How can you even hope of friendships, relationships, love, commitment if you can't trust the other person? I mean it's true, most people are not worth your trust as is. They disappoint you, they let you down, they hurt you...but guys, those people don't matter. Those who stay with you through everything are the ones that matter. People who support you, care about you, love you...Those are the people that matter. Those are the people you should keep around. And you should do the same for others, you should care more about your friends. Maybe they're going through something but don't say a thing and let it eat at them on the inside...don't let them suffer alone, let them know you're there for them. Do something kind for a stranger, hell smile at one. We should all learn a little more positivity it would do a hell of a lot better to the world. I know I would feel a whole lot better if strangers wouldn't glare at me on the street because of...whatever reason it is. The clothes? The piercings? I really don't understand it. There's actually a whole lot I don't understand. Why are we so set on judging a person by the clothes they wear? Or by the group they belong in? Biker - bad. Metalhead - satanic. Country - redneck. You know what I mean? It's insane. I mean I like records does that make me a turntable? I think not...Speaking of records check out what came in the mail for me yesterday...I couldn't be happier or more in love with it.

Can't even believe this was missing in my collection for so long. It is right next to other favorite most important albums and I could not be happier that I finally have it. In almost mint condition as well. Life can be good sometimes not going to lie. Not to mention it's only ten days till I see my favorite boys again. It's been too long. Way way way too long and I've missed them terribly, now they're back and with a new record that's just perfect...*not that I would know, living in Narnia means not having it yet* point is I am extremly excited about the concert. Though of course there's been some concerns from the family about safety. We've sure came a long way when instead of fucking excited you're scared. I'm not. But some people may be. It just really saddens me. Concerts should be a safe happy place, a place where you can get an escape from life, worrying, problems...and it looks like lately they're so fucking far from that. It saddens me. It saddens me because those venues are my safe haven as well and now I'm all jumpy when people start talking about safety. It fucking sucks alright. These are dark thoughts again. Jesus, why can't I seem to let those go? Hah. Either way, here's another drawing I wanted to share with you, it's Jani Lane of Warrant again, inspired by their song Bed of roses which really is one of my all time favorite songs. So enjoy it and enjoy the weekend. Take care!

Your eyes keep things well hidden just a hint of what you're feelin' inside. And the first day that I met you I consider that the first day of my life. Thanks to you now I know all my dreams can come true.

Blind Faith in you, I've got blind faith in you and I'm not sure I deserve, someone so true, but I love that you think I do.

With You and Faith, beside me, I'm feelin' stronger every day, I've got blind faith in you.

I'm on fire

"Something else is hurting you, that’s why you need pot or whiskey, or screaming music turned so fucking loud you can’t think."

This is a quote of wisdom someone shared with me this weekend. Originally by Charles Bukowski I believe. And it's the god honest truth. That's why I love music. You get so lost in it you forget the world around you exists. It's so much easier putting on your music and ignore the world. People are just too much work. Everyone is so angry, everyone's opinions always have to be right. Everything always has to be a debate. Well guess what? Sometimes words are just words. They don't mean anything. There's no secret motive, no hidden agenda. Sometimes words are words and that's all there is to it. Maybe I'm tired of saying I'm fine all the time and people just going along with it because we're all programed to hide what we really feel or think...or maybe I'm just tired in general because things are just getting out of hand. Everything is a struggle, everything is a fight lately and to be fair I am completly done with it. What would Bruce Springsteen say to that?

The times are tough now, just getting tougher, this old world is rough, it's just getting rougher cover me, come on baby, cover me. Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me. Promise me baby you won't let them find us, hold me in your arms, let's let our love blind us cover me, shut the door and cover me. Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me.

Outside's the rain, the driving snow I can hear the wild wind blowing turn out the light, bolt the door I ain't going out there no more.

This whole world is out there just trying to score I've seen enough I don't want to see any more, cover me, come on and cover me, I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me, looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me.

Y'all probably know the Boss is on a tour right now. ''The River'' tour, which believe me I can't form words that would describe my excitment. Maybe something along the lines of ''ASDFGHJKL'' and even that doesn't come close. I love him, I mean he's THE BOSS after all and The River is next to this record my absolute favorite one. I've seen the Boss back in 2012 when he was on his ''Wrecking ball tour''. Still get goose bumps thinking about it now. It was absolutely totally completly mind blowing. Over 50,000 people singing as loud as they can, the little speech he gave about people we've lost and miss everyday how they're still with us, no matter what, the piano solo he played, his E street band. Totally completly perfect nothing short of it. I think it's so cute when his wife is actually in the band with him and he goes ''is there a red headed woman in the house tonight?'' cute. Boss is my mom's favorite musician, she's been obsessed with him for like 30 years no joke. It's kinda the same love as me and Motley, Skid and Guns. THAT bad yeah. Though she's lucky. Boss remained the same while in my bands Vince left for a while, they broke up now, Sebastian is no longer a part of Skid for way too long and Guns...well we know that story, yet it seems like a part of my heart is being put back together now. Hah. Anyways back to Boss. I get why she loves him because I completly totally adore him. The voice, the lyrics, the music. Did y'all notice how perfect the Wrecking ball album is? He understands. If nobody else does. He does. This world is completly fucked up and if anyone knows that Bruce does. But anyways, Born in the U.S.A. is one of my favorite albums of all times, I could listen to it over and over again and never get tired of it. And also it holds my favorite Springsteen song. That one is hard to pick because come on have you heard a bad song by the Boss? I think not...yet for some reason my favorite song is and always will be ''Cover me''. I've seen enough and don't want to see no more too.

Here's a little memory from seeing Bruce years ago. Looking forward to be adding another ticket to this one. Can't wait to see you again Bruce!

Hey, little girl, is your daddy home? Did he go and leave you all alone? I got a bad desire, oh, I'm on fire.

Tell me now, baby, is he good to you? And can he do to you the things that I do? Oh, no. I can take you higher, oh, I'm on fire.

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull and cut a six inch valley through the middle of my skull.

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet and a freight train running through the middle of my head. Only you can cool my desire, oh, I'm on fire.

I was standing, you were there, two worlds collided and they could never tear us apart.

Sometimes I'm lost and then I'm found, sometimes I feel turned inside out. I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside. Instead of love we tend to hate, we never quite appreciate how much the other person cares or tries.

I have a confession to make. I had no idea Jani Lane had passed away. Which you know it wasn't such a bad thing because for the past two days since someone whacked me with the truth I've been feeling completly depressed. Completly totally depressed. Warrant have a special place in my heart I share some of my favorite memories with their songs not to mention I absolutely adore their music...Everything sucks cuz you're not around Jani. I really am sad yes. Life is so unfair sometimes. You know what? I refuse to believe it. There. I'm just gonna sit here happy in my own world. Ignoring the truth. Sounds like a plan right? I'm gonna put on their music and enjoy the moment. Maybe watch them play in Japan again. There's a video of the entire concert on youtube. Horrible video quality but the sound is pretty cool and I maybe seen the entire thing about 4 or 5 times already. Fuck it. Hah. It's perfect. Here have a look...

I listened to The bitter pill on reply last night. It just...it really told how I felt. Love can be a bitter pill sometimes.

Heaven isn't too far away after all. Rest in peace my sweet prince, I'll miss you so much.

In other more uplifting news...This perfect fucking thing came out today.

And just when I thought I couldn't be more in love with them well it happened. Fell in love with them all over again and stronger then before. This brought all the memories back of an angry, rebelious, teenager screaming along to Shut up with the radio up as loud as it goes. Hah. Seriously I'm completly in love this album is so good. Like SO good. It's punk rock, it's fast, it's catchy, it's fucking perfect. And guys! I get to see them again in just two weeks. Honestly the thought of that is making my head spin and my guts tangle up. I am so excited. Do check them out please. You'll love them either if you knew them before or not.

They make me see that life is in fact beautiful and that a bad day doesn't mean a bad life and I will be forever grateful to them for pulling me out of my darkest, deepest, lowest hell. So guys, put on your favorite music, go out, enjoy some fresh air and sunlight. It's not so bad. Life is beautiful, the storms you're in will pass, the rain will stop. It's going to be okay in the end.

Stay safe this weekend whatever you may be up to. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Warrant tape and a bottle of Jack somewhere screaming my name and two broken hearts that need fixing. Good luck with that one aye? Come on. We all deserve to sleep in a bed of roses and not under motel lights. Take care!

Honey you could be mine.

I can't imagine there's anything worse on this planet then getting up early. On a monday morning. When it's winter and it's dark, cold, gray and pouring rain outside. Yeah. I really hate that. I had to get up though. School. Yet another thing I hate and so much more on a monday morning. Not to mention I was nervous, I had an exam. I don't know why I'm so insecure when it comes to my art. It's not that I need approval or people constantly telling me how awesome it is but every now and then it would be nice to get some positive comments I suppose. Well the nerve wrecking was pointless, turns out I did great. Got all 100% and I am extremly happy about it. I took me forever but I realized that nice grades are actually a great thing. Feels good to be smart. Hah. Not that I believe inteligence should be measured by grades. I mean there's book smart and life smart and everyone can learn from books it's not rocket science...but the other type of smart the smart that school doesn't give you, now that, that is more important. I feel like school is always there to bring you down anyways. I don't think it's fair having my inteligence measured by how well I do math. Alright. So I suck at math. What the fuck should I do about it? Live my whole life believeing I'm stupid because of it or focus on things I'm good at? Excatly. Don't judge a fish by it's ability to climb trees or it will spent it's entire life thinking it's stupid. You know what I mean?

Either way. I think the record I'm going to share with you today wasn't too hard to guess after I already posted Crue and Skid. Hah.

I am so so so SO in love with this album, you don't know half of it. I could just play it over and over and over again and never get tired of it. It's perfect, every song, every line, every note, all of it is perfect. Welcome to the jungle and Sweet child o' mine are two of my favorite songs as is and then throw them together with It's so easy and Paradise city and it's enough to get me completly crazy. Now this vinyl is brand new. I got it as a present last year after I nearly cried off two pounds when my original was stolen. I had the original one made in US from 1987 and I loved it, it was literally my favorite thing I owned till it got stolen and I went all dramatic saying they might as well shoot me now because I'll never be happy again. Hah. No I'm serious though, what kind of an animal steals a GNR vinyl from a music lover like me. If you're out there reading this know one day I will get you and you will pay for it. But either way I love this cover as well it's perfect, reminds me of Ax and his tattoo. While we're at it. They've added two more dates to the tour which is just faning the flames of my excitment even more. It would be a dream come true to see Guns n' Roses play someday even if without Steven and Iz, gotta be happy with what you get right? Anyways...hope you guys have a great week, that your monday is great and that The walking dead didn't rip out your heart last night like it did mine. Hah.

Love y'all.

This Valentines day the only man with a bow and arrow I wanna see is Daryl Dixon.

How about some stupid pickup lines then?

''Would you like to Slytherin to bed with me?''

''You don't need a spoonfull of sugar to make me go down''

''I'd periodically do you on a table''

''Did you buy those jeans on a sale, because they would be 100% off at my place''

''I Dumbledore you''

''Do you mind if I explore your chamber of secrets?''

''I love you more then Kanye loves Kanye''

I'm not going to rant about my burning passionate hate towards Valentine's day this year, though I still believe it's a fool's holiday, designed to take peoples money and make guilty husbands feel less guilty. But what I am going to rant about is this stupid thing going around facebook lately. I've seen it once too many times and it's really really REALLY starting to get on my nerves. It reads something along the lines of ''Romeo died for love, Valentines died for love, Jack in Titanic, Hercules, Achilles, Samson, Jesus...'' blah blah blah and then it says men should ask their partner to name at least five women that died for love or they have the rights to boycott Valentines day. Now don't get me wrong boycotting this bullshit would make me happiest but this...this is pissing me off. How dare you compose a message that is framed to look like the women are to blame. Nobody asked them to do what they did. We all know those god damn doors in Titanic would hold two people. I've watched the Mythbusters alright. And not to mention Romeo, if he would of waited just a little longer, she'd wake up and nobody would have to die. Though they are fictional but I'm sure men are capable of the same stupidity in real life. Actually all of them are fictional...Romeo, Valentines, Jack, Hercules, Achilles, Jesus. These are all fictional. While on the other hand you have real women. Like Lady Diana, would she really die in that accident if she didn't try to run away with the man she really loved? How about Mother Theressa? And Florence Nightingale, Helen Keller maybe or Elizabeth Fry? Have you ever really looked at a woman's love? How much shit women actually take and still stick around because they love their men more then they deserve. So many of my friends in relationships let their men abuse them, act like they don't matter, take them for granted, act careless and selfish never appreciating what they've got and they still stick aroung and take it because they love them and believe they can change or do better. Be better. But it never really happens. Now I'm not saying all men are the same of course they aren't, if you've got a man that loves you, respects you, treats you right and remembers you on other days of the year as well then you are lucky. If you've got a relationship like Kate and Leopold or Julie and R or Ricki and Greg or even Bella and Edward then hold on to it because it just might be perfect. Understand that a man or a woman that loves you for who you really are, all the flaws and mistakes combined is priceless. If they stick with you when you're at your worst or when you fall down and they help you back up they are priceless. And that is something that should be appreciated, aknowleged and loved everyday not just on february 14th.

Oh P.S. just so you know though these are not bitter single life observations, my man and I the geeks that we are, are going on a movie date this Valentines day, to see this guy, with a lap worth sitting on aparently. Hah.

Y'all enjoy your weekend and Valentines day. Or ignore it. Whatever floats your boat. Just remember, don't be down if you're alone, the right person for you will come along sooner or later. Untill then nothing beats the Walking dead, some Nutella and a bottle of Vodka, which by the way are also my after date plans. Thank god the premiere is on late here. Hah.

Take care y'all.

One last thing, check out Kip's new video. I know it's not even close to what I usually listen to but I love Kip and it's such a nice song and such a beautiful video. No I'm not crying, my eyes are sweating. Seriously. It's perfect, check it out.

Big Guns

I know I've already said too much today but I'm gonna share a favorite record anyways.

This week it's going to be my second favorite one...

I was lucky I found it online on eBay, from a man in Germany, in a condition that makes me wonder if anyone ever even listened to it and at a really low price. Which lately is a miracle because the prices on vinyls are insane. And let me tell you something. I am completly and totally obsessed with it. All of the songs on this record are absolutely and totally perfect. So much more on vinyl. I had a CD before but the sound quality doesn't come near a good old vinyl. This album is a classic and belongs into every single music collection. I don't even care if you're not into metal, you don't have to be to appreciate this music. Bach's voice is absolutely flawless and he really makes these songs alive. It's easy to see why Skid Row stood out in the crowd of all those bands that would come and go at the time. I love that the songs don't all sound the same and there is no ''filler'' on this record, you can expect to enjoy and love every single song. I love how they could start out a song nice & slow, almost innocent, and then in a matter of a second, turn it into magnificent bombastic heavy metal sound. Like 18 and life. I love the honest truth of Youth gone wild and Can't stand the heartache. And don't even get me started on those vocals....have you noticed how many heavy metal singers actually have these high pitched screechy voices while Sebastian's voice remains just as perfect when he does any high note or any ''heavy metal screech''. I think he doesn't get enough credit and I think he is one of the greatest rock 'n' roll singers of all time. Not to mention Snake because that solo on Here I am is absolutely amazing. The guys are amazing musicians and this record is just that, an amazing record with heart and soul and it makes my heart hurt knowing they couldn't keep it together. Not saying the new singer is bad but honestly he is no Sebastian Bach. I'm sorry but that's just what it is. Favorite song? Hm. Too hard to pick with the entire albums sounding the way it sounds but I think it's going to have to be Big guns. It was the first song I ever heard and I was completly totally blown away. Love at first sight? Or should I say love at first note or something? Either way it was love. And I am positive if you'd get it you'd love it too because it is absolutely amazing and well worth your money.

Carnival of Sins

I came to realize lately how much I really can't stand people. I mean I am surrounded by such idiots I might as well shack up with penguins on Antarctica and it would of been better. If it wasn't so damn cold. I mean teenagers and kids get worse each year. I don't know how parents manage to fuck up their kids so bad. I mean I was many things and not an angel by no means but I still had manners and knew how to behave in public. Smoking, drinking, swearing, slut clothes, pants halfway down your ass, disrespect, thinking you're so badass by not caring about nothing and nobody...that doesn't make you cool. It makes you a fucking idiot. You know what makes you cool? Studying does because someday studying brings you a kickass job that makes you cool. Or being modest does. You really think men fall for your tits hanging out and no underwear under those disgusting leggings? Which by the way makes me wonder who the fuck decided that it's okay to wear leggings instead of pants? I'm not saying when you're in a gym working out, or at home on your couch, but who the fuck said it's okay to wear them outside? With no underwear? With no shirt covering your ass? It honestly creeps me out. I saw a girl the other day at the mall. In white leggings, and she was quite big if you know what I mean, so the material was stretched making it more ''transparent''. And you know there are things you wish you could ''unsee'' because that...the entire shopping mall saw the excat star patern her thing was shaved in. Jesus christ. And you know what else makes you cool? Being a gentleman does. It's so disturbing that we live in time where being nice is mistaken for flirting because no woman expects a man to be nice to her just because he is. I honestly don't remember a man ever opening the doors for me, they'd rather just slam them in my face, or ever seeing a man give up his seat on the bus for a pregnant woman or an elderly citizen. I don't hear stories of boyfriends bringing home flowers or chocolates just because they felt like it, I only hear about guilt presents on Valentine's day. Speaking of you probably know I hate it with a burning passion but since we're at it, you know what the best present I got for Valentines was? Not flowers or chocolates or stuffed animals though there were those as well. No, it was a cd with mixed songs, and they were not sappy romantic love songs that make you question your love life, no no, they were nice songs some a little heavier some a little calmer. And you know why I loved it? Because everyone can go to the store, buy heart shaped candy or the first red thing or red roses they see but doing something like that...it takes effort. I don't need expensive gifts, it means much more if someone gets you your favorite record or whatever it is that you love, because you know they've been paying attention and they actually care about your wishes.

Which brings us to another completly unrelated thing. But still on the same ''people suck'' rant. You know I love being part of ''fandoms''...most days people in these comunities feel a lot more like family then my actual family. Like the SPN family, or the Hustlers and the Astronauts...my kinda people and I love them. I love the love and support in these fandoms. Nobody cares where you're from, how old are you, nothing, you're part of the fandom meaning you're part of the family. And here's the thing. I'm only part of American, British, German fan groups. Why? Because people in my country have a god given gift to ruin something as nice as a fandom for everyone. Where should be nothing but love and support there's showing off and greed and superiority. Like I don't give a flying fuck how many official fan clubs are you a part of, I don't give a flying fuck how many concerts have you seen, I don't give a rats ass how long have you been a fan and I sure as fuck don't give a fuck about your bragging of being best friends with one of the band guys. That's not the point. It doesn't matter if you're an old fan or a new fan. It doesn't matter how long you've liked someone, it doesn't matter if you've seen them live or not, if you're in the fan club or not, some people are not rich, some people can't afford all that but guess what? It doesn't make them any less of a fan then you are. If anything it makes them a bigger one. Being a fan is not measured by your ability to see them live or by how much money you spend on a band. That is just stupid. You can love and enjoy music and never see their concert. Would that make you less of a fan? I don't think so. Here's the thing. I love Michael Jackson, I've got his records, couple of tshirts and three or so dvds. I never got to see him live though, there was just never a chance and then he passed away so what does that mean? I'm worth less as a fan then someone who was fortunate enough to see him five times? Fuck you alright. Fuck all of you who think that. And you know what's the dumbest thing? You'd expect these things from teenagers. No. You're wrong, these are all middle aged women acting like complete fucking bubble headed idiots online. I'm a supporter of feminism don't get me wrong but somebody should slap the stupid out of these women. Don't they have anything better to do? I've seen Justin Bieber fans act more mature and that's saying something considering most of them are kids.

And then there's people who think they're better then anyone else, people who shove their opinion down your throat, thinking they have any right to force you into their way of life, their way of thinking. These things piss me off so much. I don't care what you think about politics, world problems, economy, religion, my diet. I.DO.NOT.CARE. Unless I ask I don't want your opinion shoved down my throat convincing me it's the only real one. So you believe what you believe. That's great. Do your thing. But I swear the god if you try to convince me into following thinking my opinion doesn't matter because only yours is right I will reach in your mouth and rip your vocal chords out with my bare hands. If you spend another minute telling me how my music and movies and tv shows suck and only yours are great I'll rip your lungs out. Let's be serious for a second people are different, we like different things. The movie Avatar can be ''amazing'' and best rated and god knows what else and I still haven't watched the whole thing because I fell asleep watching it twice. I just find it boring. But that doesn't mean someone else can't enjoy it or that I deserve being called names by so called fans because I don't like something they enjoy. So we disagree, shit happens but that doesn't mean we can't be civil about it. I have friends who enjoy One direction, wear fur, eat more meat then I did in my entire life before I turned vegetarian, are religious. I have friends who's points of view on life are just completly insane, friends who support the political party that I'm pretty sure will be the end of us. And so what? Does that mean I'll walk away from them? Forget all the times they were there for me? Forget that when I was at my lowest they were there telling me that everything will be alright. Forget that I did the same for them at some point? Thing is none of us fucking cares what the other enjoys. If we can meet halfway and find some things we both love that's great but if not that's alright too. It won't change the fact that they're good people and great friends. Nobody should be judged based on what they believe, love, hate.

Then there's this...woman. She's been slowly but surely driving me crazy. I've been called more then a few things by her most recent an idiot because of the way I dress. Now you may think she doesn't like my style. Oh no. Not even close. What she doesn't like is that I'm always shipshaped. I do have my own style that is true but my clothes are never dirty, torn, wrinkled or unmatched *unless we're talking about socks* and that is what bothers her. Can you believe that? I keep getting comments how it should matter what is in my head instead of the clothes I wear. Now please anwser this, does it make me an idiot if I care about the clothing I wear? I think what matters is that you're comfortable and confident and I sure as fuck won't feel confident wearing some worn out, washed out shirt and jeans with holes on an important business event. Here's what I agree with, clothes don't define you or your worth, what I wear doesn't make me more or less capable of doing a certain job but just because I like too look nice does not make me an idiot. Because I prefer Levi's jeans does not make me a snob. I just happen to like their jeans, they're comfy and better quality. Just because I don't buy in second hand stores doesn't make me a superior bitch. I bought shirts and shoes and this amazing coat in secondhand stores in Berlin before. I don't care about price tags or brands or whatever the fuck else. I buy clothes I like, if I can afford them and it doesn't matter where they come from. I don't only wear Converse because I'd be a brand fanatic or some shit, I wear Converse because I like them and because they're comfortable and don't make my feet sore. I like wearing high heels because they make me feel better about myself. I don't wear them because ''every woman should have a pair in her closet'' or because the society thinks they're hot. No. The only reason I wear them is because I like them. Same with my jeans, Doc's, band shirts. My clothes are my creative freedom, they express me, who I am. Just because I refuse to look like you, which is...well we both know what is, doesn't make me an idiot and it sure as hell doesn't make you smarter then me. If you'd really finish that university you're always bragging about I would imagine you'd know at least that much, though we both know school doesn't teach you shit it's life and experience that teaches you.

One last thing that I've been dealing with a lot lately. I'm an artist right. I'm not saying I'm Da Vinci but like my clothing I have my own art style and I'm good at it. So people come to me ''oh you're an artist, you should draw a puppy instead of those skulls'' or ''why do you keep drawing portraits? Draw something else''. You ''could of'' or you ''should of''. And you know what I am bloody sick of it. I shouldn't and I don't have to do anything anyone else say. My art. My problem. The whole point of art is expressing yourself. Your freedom. Your artistic freedom. And I sure as hell don't need someone putting me into frames saying what I should or shouldn't do. And there's that other thing ''can you draw me...'' whatever it is that they want. A portrait, a tattoo design, their aunts sisters brothers wifes dogs toy. Whatever. And when I ask them if they're gonna pay for it they're all offended. Excuse you. And I can't be offended? You think saying ''why? It's just a drawing'' is not offensive? And I wouldn't even make a fuss because pencils and paper really don't cost that much, but what about my time that I put into my work? That doesn't count for nothing? Art is not free. Because honestly, Mona Lisa is ''just a painting'' also but it's priceless. Again I know I'm not Da Vinci but that doesn't mean as an artist that I'm worthless and I should be giving my work away for free. The hell is that about? Then I'm the bitch for asking people to pay for it. I mean if you're a lawyer you don't sue and divorce people for free do you? You don't wash cars for free or pour drinks for free or god forbid cut someone's hair for free because you like their face. And don't you dare tell me that it's not the same because it is. It's excatly the same. Just like all of the above are someone's occupation, art is mine. I may not be a painter but I am an artist so my art whatever form it may be, a pencil portrait, a digital tattoo design, a photography shouldn't be for free.

You know this list could go on and on and on because there's so much about people that angers me that I can't even begin to explain all of it and I already wrote way too much. So instead in the light of this weekend and tomorrow I will share with you the photoshooting my friend and I did, we called it Carnival of Sins and I think it turned out pretty awesome...

Opinion Overload

I'm going to share one of my biggest fears with you today. It's not death or loss or oblivion or hights and spiders even if these are pretty high on that list too. It's more the fear of rock 'n' roll dying. That one might as well keep me up at night. I know nobody lives forever, their music does but so many good musicians are gone way too soon. The club 27? John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Elvis Presley, Eddie Cochran, Sid Vicious, Janis Joplin, Bob Marley, Marvin Gay, Jeff Buckley, Freddie Mercury, Dimebag Darrel, Dee Dee Ramone, Michael Jackson, let's not forget Lemmy and Bowie just as of recent. Still processing that one. It's scary. I feel like these are musicians that had so much left to give to the world and they all died out of some stupid bizarre reason. Like Lennon he was shot by a god damn psychopath. I mean the fuck is that all about? Or Dimebag...shot on stage. What the actual fuck? I mean I understand an accident. Like a bus crash or a stage collapsing or cancer. But I do not understand a pointless act of violence like this. Much less how it tends to always target rock, heavy metal, rock n roll music. Not that I'm wishing bad upon anyone but there's never pop singers shot on stage, victims of bizarre drownings or bus crashes...lord knows nobody would miss Kanye West or BOB...the earth is flat? Really? I'm so sorry education failed you so miserably. I am completly totally terrified because one day, one day there's not going to be good musicians left. Richards, Jagger, McCartney, Sixx, Mars, Neil, Lee, Wood, Springsteen, Rose, Cooper,...so on seem indestructable but one day it's gonna be them and I am not prepared for that. Not only because I will literally feel like a part of me has died, like my own family has died, but because the only thing left will be Justin Bieber, stupid bubble headed pop singers like Taylor Swift, Katy Perry and a number of others whos names escape me because they all sound the same and One direction look alikes, that are not even real bands but manifactured to occupy and leech brain dead kids. I mean how hard is it? You put together five ''good looking'' boys who have less talent in their whole bodies then Springsteen has under one of his finger nails and watch the world burn. There's always going to be bands like them because those seem to be the only bands that make it big lately. Because kids don't care about music anymore. If there was a young problematic or angry looking boy with a voice like Johnny Cash on any talent show these days he would of never made it pass auditions but if there was a Bieber look alike who sings like shit but has a pretty face he'll make it all the way to the top. Why? Because who cares about talent we have playback anyways. These things anger me so much. I'm not saying there's no good musicians now by no means but music is just not what it used to be. There's Shinedown, Halestorm, Linkin park, Green Day I totally dig 21 Pilots and Avenged Sevenfold. I love all kinds of pop punk like Simple plan and All time low, and music like My chemical romance, A day to remember, Fall out boy, Bullet for my valentine, Bring me the horizon, the list goes on and on, everyone knows these are one of my favorite bands but let's be honest as good as they are they are no match for the original Guns n' Roses, Metallica, Motley Crue, The Rolling Stones, Def Leppard, Skid Row, Bruce Springsteen...and one of these days they wont be around. Their music and legacy will live on but they won't and that's the scariest thought out there. It's a thought I don't want to think about but I'm forced to lately because it feels like each week we're saying goodbye to another legend.

Woah alright I manage to get more and more depressing with each post I write. My fam might be right I either need to stop drinking or drink more. Not sure which one is it. Heh. How about a couple of good things? Sounds like a plan. Do y'all keep your concert tickets in a shoe box somewhere? Taped on the wall or something? Aparently I'm weird but mine are organised in a folder by date...aparently nobody does that? Hm. Let me share two with you guys today.

Here is my Motley Crue ticket from Milan Italy, with train tickets, cute story when you get lost and switch three trains to get home. Heh. It's funny now, it wasn't funny then. And merch bills for which my mother asked me if there's gold stitching in the shirts and bandana after seeing how much money I payed and the sticker from a water bottle given to me by the band themselves. Long story for another day. Heh.

And then there's Bon Jovi also from Milan...

It's so hard choosing a favorite concert because they're all so good. Specially the Boss, honestly there's nobody better then the Boss. But then I took a moment to really think about it...and I'm sorry *not really hah* but this concert was my absolute favorite one. Jon and I nearly touched, he smiled right me, I had the golden circle ticket, the concert was probably the longest concert he played in a while if not ever and the Italian fans as much as their nonstop chatter annoys me are pretty damn amazing the fan action was beyond anything I'd even seen or even hoped to see. That's why on my Italian flag there's a couple of black stains from my mascara I was crying along with Jon hah, no really it was an amazing moment something you have to feel to understand because I can't even properly describe how I felt. It was amazing. Not to mention I finally got to hear Always live which is my favorite song ever. And will probably remain my favorite song forever. So yeah. Here's my Golden circle ticket along with my bracelet, flag and instructions for that amazing fan action...a night I won't ever forget.

Now, just because I'm still the same ''kid'' I used to be, freaking out, crying and loosing my mind over Simple plan...oh no that hasn't changed. Their concert still puts me in an almost possesed state. Hah. Oh my gosh you guys I get to see them again, for the third time! in just 31 days. Not to mention their new album drops in less then 14 days. Holy shit! I'm so excited. Hah. In that spirit, my boys posted a new video this morning, it's perfect. They are perfect. The song is perfect. I missed them so much. Go check it out please. Thank you.

Love y'all, enjoy your weekend, those of you in Europe, enjoy the carnevals this saturday through tuesday, those of you in America and the rest of the world I understand your confusion. Hah.

Take care

Oh P.S. Happy Birthday to my beautiful blonde devil ;)

Music Mondays

You know what I realized? I bet you're just dying to know another ''inteligent'' thing I come up with huh? Hah. I'm kidding. No but seriously. I thought these monday friday posts are a good idea, so I actually take time, sit down and write, instead of just randomly spamming the hell out of you, all days of the week. Well turns out it's not such a brilliant idea. Why? More then once I found myself sitting next to my laptop staring at the blank page without actually knowing what to write. And it's frustrating as fuck. I never considered myself a good writer. I kept a blog to write down shit I didn't want to forget. The good, the bad, sometimes the ugly as well but by no means am I a writer. I'm an artist though and if I understand one thing I understand that you can't force inspiration. I don't like ''frames'', ''boxes'', ''labels''. Those are stupid. I can't stand when people tell me ''oh you should paint...'' NO. No I shouldn't. I can draw pretty flowers and butterflies and bunnies if I want to but I can also draw bleeding zombies with their guts out spilling on the ground. My choice. That's what I hate most about art schools around here. They don't give you any freedom. They don't give you a theme and say do whatever the fuck you want just stay on this topic. No. They put you in a god damn box, saying you got to do this excatly like this. What? No. You can't judge my drawing ability by how well I can draw a central projection of a room. I will not be an architect. I'm an artist. A portrait artist. I like drawing people, animals, cemeterys. And I'm good at it. I get so fucking frustrated when someone judges my talent by how well I drew a room. Fuck you. Honestly. Fuck you. See this is what's wrong with people. Boxes. If you judge an inteligence of a fish by it's ability to climb a tree it's going to spend all it's life thinking it's stupid. And that just aint right. Just because some people can't do something others can does not make them stupid, it does not take away their talent to do something else. And this really angers me. People put people in their stupid frames, judging them when they can't do something. It's absolute insanity. Here's the deal, I suck at sports. Absolutely completly totally suck at sports. So what? That doesn't mean I'm not a good and fast runner. And I can't draw some things, like at all. Architectural sketches. City streets. Churches. Complicated houses. Water reflection. Yeah I can't draw that at all but so what that doesn't take away my ability to draw a really good portrait. I suck at math. I am like really really REALLY bad at math but so what? Being bad at school math doesn't mean I can't do business plans or calculate profits and shit. Thing is all my life school has been putting me in their boxes, telling me all they think is right is actually right. But it isn't. Thing is because of that I spent half my life believing I was stupid. Till I figured it out. That's excatly the point. Schools want you to be stupid. They want you to be in a box, they don't want your inteligence, they don't want you thinking. They want sheep. Sheep will not revolt, they will not riot. They will follow. Quietly. Patiently. Not caring if the world around them burns to the ground because that's what they were trained to do. Follow. Obey. And that is just not me. It's not who I am. I was not born to follow as Bon Jovi so perfectly said in one of their songs.

''We weren't born to follow, come on and get up off your knees. When life is a bitter pill to swallow, you gotta hold on to what you believe. Believe that the sun will shine tomorrow and that your saints and sinners bleed, we weren't born to follow you gotta stand up for what you believe.''

Which is the reason that made me realize why I can't get along with anybody. Here's the deal people my age are completly immature. I can't keep a converastion going with a girl that only cares about boys and make up and a guy that only cares about getting in my pants. It's just not how it works. I want people around me that understand life, I mean not completly because really who does? But just things you know, how the world works, how people work. People that know shit about politics, economy, music, art, or whatever else they're passionate about. I'm either getting older or I was never really young but mindless conversations about men, makeup, clothes, shoes don't entertain me. Don't get me wrong I love shoes, and makeup and fucking skinny jeans and band shirts and I love boys as much as the next girl or guy around, asuming we're talking about band boys right? Hah. But I am just not one to sit down, have a coffee and gossip. It's just so. Ugh. A waste of time. I like talking about things that matter. I like people telling me what they're passionate about, their dreams, their goals. Nothing quite like watching someone talk about something they love. When they get all excited and their eyes light up. I like talking about politics and religion, which I know is always a bad topic for making friends but here's the deal, I like to challenge people and I like to be challenged. I think you can tell a lot by a person based on who they support, who they love, how they react when their beliefs are being challenged. It's a good thing also because hey better realizing someone's a bad person and a shitty friend from the get go then wasting your time on them. My opinion anyways. Holy fuck how do I manage to get so off topic each time I'm trying to write something down? Thing is, I'm starting a new thing and it's going to be called ''music monday'' I'll show you one of my favorite records each monday and tell you what I love about it and my favorite song / songs on it. Not like I'll ran out of those since all my records are my favorite. Hah. But honestly what kinda world would we live in if I didn't start out with this one?

You know what I love about vinyl music? Not only the surface noise, the little crackling sounds, oh no. I love the fact that there's no skipping around like you do on CD's. You put your record on and you listen to it from start to finish. And the thing is back in the day that's what people did. They didn't watch MTV and buy records because of the single. They went to the store and decided based on album covers or just waited till the artists they loved put out something new. I love that they didn't have internet that literally spoils everything. Album leaks? Such bullshit. Early releases and such bullshit. God. Whatever happened to waiting patiently and listening to the entire thing when it comes out? Can you imagine the feeling? You've been waiting months for it, you never heard any singles off it so you don't know what direction the music went to and you finally get it and you play it for the first time. Man must be an amazing feeling. Not that I'll ever really know it. The media, the radio, the internet and the fact that I live in fucking Narnia are ruining that for me.

Either way. Dr. Feelgood is not just one of my favorite Crue records but one of my favorite records in general. The sound the lyrics the songs are perfect as is but this is the record I feel like they gave everything they got for. 110%. I mean they gave up on partying, the drugs, the booze. Nikki was probably sober and drug free for the first time in god knows how long and they were really commited to this album and it sure as fuck paid off. Their first and only record to top the charts. Every song but one were released as singles and 6 hit videos on MTV. The world tour that followed was sold out and they literally played everywhere. Well everywhere but here. Sometimes I feel like the lion or the witch or whatever the fuck is in that fucking closet gets more action then we do. The fuck is that about? We had Queen and Nirvana play here. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? No don't anwser I don't need no heartache. This record also got the The metal edge readers choice award in 1990 and an American music award for favorite hard rock album. That's just two on the top of my mind. Amazing how well I remember these things but never things that I should probably remember. Hah. Point is I actually love that they went ''political'' with Time for a change and proved there's a lot more to them then just a glam metal band that loves leather and hair spray. Let's be honest for a moment Tommy Lee on Kickstart my heart. Perfection. Without you still gets to me. And nothing like the party that is Rattlesnake shake. What is it with snakes tho? Rattlesnake shake? Shake it like a rattlesnake? The serpent dance? Not to mention all of Slashs' pets...

Chosing one favorite song is criminal, because I love the entire thing from start to finish. But if I absolutely have to, then I must go with She goes down. It's fast. it's wild, it's naughty. I just love it. Love the zipper sounds in it. I just love the whole thing. Hah. The only thing I absolutely hate about it is that this is the last album Vince did with the band for way too long. There's no Crue without Vince and nobody can convince me otherwise. Not to mention after he left grunge happened and literally flushed glam metal down the toilet. Fucking grunge. And hipsters that are trying and failing at being grunge now. Hey idiot just because you wear clothes too big and Doc's and your hair is a mess you aint no Kurt Cobain alright. Stop with your ''astethics'' you aint fooling no one. Fucking posers. Alright point here is. This is one of the best albums ever made and everyone should either own it or at least if you are not into this kind of music give it a try and listen to it. You might be surprised and actually enjoy it. Alright, that's it for today. Going to get back to this essay I'm writing or at least trying to write, then hopefully meet up with dad and get my laptop back. It's been too long. Way way too long. Y'all take care now.

xoxoxo