The Wrecking Ball tour

Maybe love letters to bands is what I'm supposed to be doing on this blog. I tried traveling and lifestyle and makeup you know the works, didn't end up so well. Maybe I could write a whole rant about this new shampoo I tried this month and believe me it's beyond amazing. But who the hell cares about my hair? Even I don't most days so why should you? This was one of the things behind the reason of todays blog...

Here's a warning, I'm going to sit here, chew on my favorite chocolate cookies and whine about how much I love Bruce Springsteen. But first! I got an email recently from this woman, at least I think it was a woman, giving me a full blown rant about how it boggles her mind that millenials love Bruce, if there's nostalgia for a time we didn't live in behind it and that at the end of the day when stripped bare he is nothing but an awerage singer nobody would think twice to listen. Listen bitch, here's my reply to that statment, goest thou to hell, and swiftly please, and there may Azmodaeus himself suckle from your diseased teat. There.

Now back to Bruce. I could sit here and list you at least 50 reasons why he's the most amazing man on the face of this earth, but I have a feeling you don't really want to read that. How about just a few? Will you suck it up for a couple? Oh shoot tough luck, you have no choice, I'll still write whatever the hell I want to write. Sorry.

Looks aside *I always found him to be a handsome man* he is extremly humble. Do you know the album ''We are the world'' that was originally started by Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder? Cute story, when most of the celebs on that album showed up in Limo's, Bruce came in his old pickup truck, parked it across the street and paid for parking. I know it doesn't seem like a huge deal but really it is. He has every right to act like a spoiled celeb but he just isn't like that.

The music. The music is not shallow or superficial, Bruce writes about things that matter to him, tradgedies, love, politics, changes in the world. His music is passionate and the fact that he sings it with so much emotion makes you feel it too. Streets of Philadelphia was one of the first movies that showed AIDS as a serious disease, as opposed to something ''outcasts'' had, like leprosy was pictured before that. Bruce wrote the title song, and it was from a first person account of a man with this disease. The song won an Academy award, a Golden globe and ''a few'' Grammys. Follwed was the album titled ''The Rising'' which was made to help the nation and possibly himself to heal and get back up on their feet after the 9/11 attacks. He himself decided to reach out to the people and help them, so much more to his home because there were people personally affected in New Jersey. What really struck me as an amazing gesture was that at the time he even sang at a funeral of one of his fans. I just find it amazing, the level of compassion and care he has.

I love him for never being quiet. I love him for standing up to what he feels is right. I loved him in Australia when he said he's embarrassed to be an American following Trumps win. I loved him when he taunted him with the song ''Don't hang up'' following Trumps childish behavior. And I loved him even more when he said ''Fuck Donald Trump'' on stage. Or better yet read it from a copy of the constitution someone threw on stage. I never heard him curse before so this...this was something. He's not the type to sit down and shut up, back in 2000 he wrote a song ''41 Shots'' about a man, an immigrant that was shot 41 times by the cops. I believe he angered quite a few police officers then even though the song itself wasn't a hateful song, all he did was show compassion towards the man that was killed. Though in that same year he donated a large sum of money to a woman who was left alone with three kids over night after her husband a police officer was killed. He's an amazing man. So many artists can and will turn a blind eye to issues such as these *coughkanyewestcough* but not him. Compassion is something we could all learn from him.

I absolutely adore him for all the effort he puts into making life better for the gay and LGBT community. I adored him even more after the cancelled North Carolina concert. I was so proud being his fan then and I still am today. Here's a quote by him, after the cancelled show;

“North Carolina cancelled: As you, my fans, know I’m scheduled to play in Greensboro, North Carolina this Sunday. As we also know, North Carolina has just passed HB2, which the media are referring to as the “bathroom” law. HB2 — known officially as the Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act — dictates which bathrooms transgender people are permitted to use. Just as important, the law also attacks the rights of LGBT citizens to sue when their human rights are violated in the workplace. No other group of North Carolinians faces such a burden. To my mind, it’s an attempt by people who cannot stand the progress our country has made in recognizing the human rights of all of our citizens to overturn that progress. Right now, there are many groups, businesses, and individuals in North Carolina working to oppose and overcome these negative developments. Taking all of this into account, I feel that this is a time for me and the band to show solidarity for those freedom fighters. As a result, and with deepest apologies to our dedicated fans in Greensboro, we have canceled our show scheduled for Sunday, April 10. Some things are more important than a rock show and this fight against prejudice and bigotry — which is happening as I write — is one of them. It is the strongest means I have for raising my voice in opposition to those who continue to push us backwards instead of forwards.”

Here's the deal, Bruce is an amazing storyteller, his songs are stories, you can sit in a dark room and imagine he's sitting next to you telling you a story while listening to his voice. There's just so much compassion and emotion in his voice, it gives me shivers all over. Jon Stewart once said ''Bruce doesn’t sing, he testifies'', and also ''When you listen to his music, you aren’t a loser. You are a character in an epic poem… about losers.''. Made me laugh out loud.

I love the always and never serious persona he has, I love the way he knows just how to mock church and christianity, I loved it when he was asked to preform at the catholic school he attended and he made the priest leave the show by singing ''Red headed woman''. I love those silly stupid dirty jokes. I love his dedication to fans, he's going to stand on stage and preform for almost 4 hours making sure the fans get their money's worth for the tickets. I love that he dances with fans, I love that he does sign requests. I love the fact that his shows are never the same, he changes his setlist every night and doesn't give a flying fuck about it. The laugh! That laugh. Infectious.

That was more then a few wasn't it? Sorry, got carried away I suppose. I actually wanted to write about the first time I saw him live because that was...I can hardly even find words for it. It was in Vienna Austria and I was there about a week before the show. Basically on vacation with the ''highlight'' his show. I was beyond nervous the entire week. Kept busy with museums, art galleries and the wax museum which was SO much fun, but the anticipation was killing me. On the morning of the show, I was up at 6 am, pacing up and down the hotel room, driving everyone insane, freaking out at the near thought of ''oh my god, Boss and I are breathing the same air right now and looking at the same sky''. Silly me, we always do that but being in the same country, well that's what made the difference.

By some miracle I didn't rub my eyes with nail polish remover or put salt in my coffee. I did chug a beer before the show though. Cute story. I had a shirt on saying ''I am lost, return me to Jon Bon Jovi'' and I walk by this pub and this man, from Belfast of all places yells after me ''but I don't know where Jon is'' and I'm like ''drinking a beer with Bruce in New Jersey'' and he goes ''Can't Boss is here'' and I'm like ''we'll see that tonight won't we?''. His face was priceless. Of course I was just joking, so then he asks me to sit down, he said he's no Bon Jovi but he'll buy me a beer if I want. So I sat down, we got talking, do note that the accent is a proper bitch, had to make him speak proper English to understand half of what he was saying. It was fun though, we still stay in touch with a couple of emails now and again. He was a bit older then me, huge fan of the Boss, so no wonder we clicked.

After that we went to the venue together, short walk to the subway and two wrong trains later we were at the stadium. Here's the nerves, I know Vienna almost better then my own city, and I know the damn subway yet I went to the wrong train. Twice! God damn nerves.

Waiting for the stadium to open was actually super fun. I met so many amazing people, people that came from all over the world just to see the Boss preform in Europe. I always found that both insane and totally cool. Lord knows if money wasn't an issue I'd see him at least 5 times on one tour. One show is never enough.

Though the Boss was a little late, powdering his nose and getting into his skinny jeans no doubt, he came on the stage saying ''Servus, Wien!'' and that's all he really needed to win the crowd over. He has this amazing energy with the fans, whatever he says goes, it's incredible. The show was sold out in minutes and lasted 3 hours and 41 minutes which was longer then the allowed time. Which was also a record, no musician before him has had a show last this long at the Ernst Happel stadium. The show opened with the song ''We take care of our own'' and closed with ''Twist and shout''. It has always been a dream of mine to see him preform that song live with Paul McCartney. *Sigh* maybe someday.

Here's the fun part. The authorities turned the lights off and said that the show is over at 11 pm sharp. Never hated the police more in my life, yet the Boss and the band didn't care and just carried on rocking, maybe even teasing a bit because at the end they just did a cover and made it as long as possible. All together there were 31 songs, new, old, and even rarely heard ''Spirit in the night''. Before the song started, he gave an emotional speech about ''spirits'' people that we lost and that we miss but are always close to us, they never really leave us. It was just...you know...made me go into a full blown fountain mode. There were of course, Dancing in the dark, Hungry heart, Born in the USA. That last one was especially amazing, the entire venue stood up, everyone in the sitting area, screamed those lyrics with him and danced along to Twist and shout. I get goose bumps all over just thinking about that moment.

Of course I was gritting my teeth, sitting in the sitting area with an amazing view but I thought I'd fly over the railing and crowd surf to the stage when he was shaking hands and touching the fans. I can hear my mother saying ''What good would that give you? So you touched him, big deal?''. Uh no mother, touching the Boss? That's different, I'd feel like I touched God. I want to know how that feels like. Don't even get me started on the girl that got to dance with him or the little boy that got to sing with him. Jealousy aint pretty I know and if it could burn I'd burn the entire bloody city down at that very moment. I said to myself next time. Didn't happen. So here I am saying this once again. Next time. And I will settle for nothing less then front row.

The Wrecking Ball tour was different, the vibe, the songs, the album is different. He was angry, angry at the politics, angry at America's current situation. Poor baby, didn't know 5 years ago just how bad it's about to get. But it's those feelings that gave the most amazing album. I love it from start to finish, every line and every note, hands down one of my favorite albums ever made. Oh! OH! Have I told you how I ended up entertaining the people around me more then the Boss himself? I was basically a kid back then. I mean not a kid but a teenager, I'd lie if I said there were plenty same aged people around. Mostly older people came to the show. Rather obvious aint it? Anyways those people around me enjoyed my screaming tantrums when he was walking around touching the fans far more then what the Boss was doing. A man next to me couldn't stop laughing the entire time, even asked me for a picture after the show. We took one together while debating that we need to find at least one person from the front row, to tell us in excrushiating detail what's it like to touch God. That never happened by the way.

At the end of the day, this wasn't just a concert it was an experience. Unlike any other. I wouldn't trade it for the world. There are so many things about the Boss I adore, so many political views that I share, so much power that inspires me. He inspires me so much. He gives me strenght to fight and carry on even when the times get tough. I completly and totally adore him and seeing him for that first time felt completly out of this world. The second concert was amazing as well but nothing compares to the ''first time'' aye? You never forget your firsts they say and this is surely something I won't ever forget.

To end this post I'd like to share a quote by Barack Obama...

“It's no wonder that his tours are not so much concerts, but communions. There's a place for everybody -— the sense that no matter who you are or what you do, everyone deserves their shot at the American Dream; everybody deserves a little bit of dignity; everybody deserves to be heard. I've seen it myself. Bruce was a great fan -- a great friend over the last year, and when I watched him on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial when he rocked the National Mall before my inauguration, I thought it captured as well as anything the spirit of what America should be about. On a day like that, and today, I remember: I'm the President, but he's The Boss.”

And aint that the truth? Enjoy the weekend guys, love eachother, think with your own heads and stay safe.

You are my last young renegade.

''We said forever but forever wouldn't wait for us.''

Do you ever wonder why some people walk into your life? Like people that do nothing but hurt you? And for no reason too. Why were you…let's say ''put to the test''. Why is some lord above testing your patience? I have this theory that some people make your life better by simply walking into it and some make it better by getting the hell out of it.

I have too many experiences about people walking in and out, sometimes I feel like my life is a god damn train station people always running in and out. I really hated it for a long time. It still upsets me most days to be fair but I learned one thing. People who intend to stay in your life, will stay. It doesn't matter how crazy life gets, what trials you're subjected to, real friends, real partners will have your back no matter what. Speaking of. I wanted to share a story…about meeting people most important to me…

Life was better when I was 15. I can't say I was better, I was dumb and reckless and quite honestly a total bitch. I wouldn't be my friend back then and I can't imagine anyone else would be either. Though surprisingly I had more friends then then I do now. They didn't care about my inteligence or views on life or whatever else that made me me. They liked the wild carefree girl that took a bunch of shots and made out with the cute bartender. Or the girl that stood on stage, shredding a guitar, pretty damn poorly may I add, and swapping spit with her bass player who just happened to be a girl as well. A girl that loved playing truth or dare and ended up painting her fathers brand new car pink, running naked down her street at 3 in the morning or pretending to have sex in a confessional while a preacher sat on the other side.

When you're 15 you think these things make you oh so cool, but when you grow up and look back all you can think is ''jesus christ was I an asshole or what?''. At least I do. Sure we had fun, but so help me I regret 90% of my behavior. It wasn't always bad, one of those nights, while drinking heavily I met one of my best friends. There was this handsome guy sitting in a booth looking lonely as hell and I walked right to him saying something along the lines of ''what do you say, you and me get outta this place and have our own par-tey sugar?'' *idiot* he chuckled and told me ''oh honey you're adorable but sorry to say, I only like boys''. Haha it was a nasty blow back then but today…well I'm glad this is how it happened because if it didn't we wouldn't be such great friends today. Lord knows I'd be lost all through my teen years without him.

And then there's the overly attractive bartender. Oh jesus christ this is going to come back to bite me in the ass but it's time I spill some truth. Ever since I was a kid I spent a lot of time with bikers. Family tradition I suppose. Not to mention I love them as is. They're the best kind of people you could hope to meet. Anyways when I was 15 this new guy joined our club. He was barely 18, always kept to himself, didn't speak much, at least not to me. I always had the idea that he doesn't like me, I figured it's because I was so close with all the important club people. They were always fiercly over protective. Imagine the first family and body guards. Kinda like that.

Thing is I was dating someone at the time and it was as true as love can be when you're 15. That didn't mean I didn't have a ''tiny'' crush at the new guy. I was always attracted to longer hair, bright eyes and tattoos. Which he had plenty all over his arms. He'd work on bikes in the shop and I'd sit on the other side staring at him, pretending to be working on a bike myself. Though I never got much done. Obvious reasons.

Over the years nothing happened. I actually fell more and more in love with the guy I was dating. He was gorgeous, kind, caring, sweet, amazing really. Definitely the man I'd marry someday if life wouldn't get in the way.

So when that ended…it was rough. I didn't handle it the way a ''normal'' person would. I was drinking, acting out, getting into extreme sports hoping one kills me in the process. Yeah, literally. Thing is the drinking was usually done in HIS bar. I didn't know he owns it, I though he was a bartender. To be honest in those days his juggling vodka and whiskey bottles was the only thing making me smile, specially one time when a bottle split open his head. Hah. And his voice. Have I mentioned he's an amazing singer? He sings Bon Jovi better then Bon Jovi…

Anyways, we'd see eachother in the club, we'd see eachother in the bar but we still didn't talk to eachother. Why? I was literally too shy, thinking a man this perfect would never like someone like me. Boy was I in for a surprise. He never had the balls to talk to me because he thought he's not good enough for me. Ironic isn't it? And this is when we come to why for once I was grateful to the police…

I was never one to hide away from what I believe in. I think you need to stand strong and defend your beliefs even if you stand alone. And that's excatly what I did few years ago. I'm not saying I handled the matter well so don't do what I did kids. Maybe listen to Keith Urban's Cop car while reading this part. It fits, trust me.

I hate the circus. HATE it. The idea of animals being locked in small cages and transported all over the world, sitting in road blocks on the heat and their questionable methods of training? If you have a heart you will not support it. Luckily at the time I type this, the circus is illegal in most countries. It wasn't back then though, and I did just about anything I could to get it the message out that it's cruel. Parents asking me where they'll be taking their kids to see wild animals and have fun is still driving me mad. What the fuck is the matter with you? Is animal cruelty what you call fun? Why don't you live in a 2x2 meters cages, in the heat, on the road, all your life jumping through burning hoops for ''fun''. Please. Do. I'd just love to see that.

So let's just say one of my ''protests'' got a little ''heated'' to say the least. Nobody got hurt, except a little personal property…it was enough to get the police involved and they were not pleased to say the least. It literally took them a minute before they put the cuffs on me and threw me in their car saying ''sit down and shut up''. Psh. I told him that he can make me sit but he can't make me be quiet. Thing is a moment later I turn around when I heard someone laughing. Who knew I wasn't alone in the car. Out of all people, ALL of the people that could be in that car the handsome bartender sat there, handcuffed, next to me. I think I said something along the lines of ''fancy meeting you here'' making him smile a really cute bright smile…

I think that was the first time we had an actual conversation, more then just an occasional sorry when someone bumped into the other. And I'm pretty certain that that was the moment when I realized it's more then just a visual attraction. He didn't know I was there, I didn't know he was there yet we were both fighting the same thing, and the same thing had us cuffed in a squad car. Good times. I learned that the cops hate Metallica that day…would you believe that? Well maybe it's just me singing Metallica…I never said I'm any good at singing to begin with…

It probably took me those 2 hours that they made us wait in the car to realize I am falling badly for him. And what did I do about it? Absolutely fucking nothing. God damn wimp. I sat at the side giggling shyly when he said that my family will probably kill him if this gets out even if he did nothing wrong, it was all me.

I remember talking about music with him and bike parts and he told me how beautiful my eyes look in the blue light. One of the cops said ''if you're done flirting I'd like to remind you that I said to keep quiet''. He wasn't very nice. Not that I blame him. I shot him a ''make me'' back and rolled my eyes. I think he said something along the lines of ''you don't want me to make you anything little girl'' to which I replied ''while you're making stuff, would you make me a whiskey on the rocks? I'm getting thirsty back here'' he got so mad he slammed shut the doors. I couldn't stop laughing.

Maybe it wasn't excatly funny after. The family was just as ''happy'' as you can imagine. I wasn't happy either, I learned that trying to get out of cuffs will only make them tighter. Who knew? I surely didn't. so by the time they decided to let us go, my wrists were scraped bloody. If I wasn't to blame that I was in that position in the first place I'd sue them for rough treatment. Though was I in the position to do that? I guess not. I had it coming.

All that aside, who knew that such an ''incident'' will be a start of a long term relationship that is still going? I didn't. Neither did he. And times were tough for us. We had more heartache and drama and things spiraling out of control then we had good moments. But thing is we stood strong because we were in eachother's lives to stay. He didn't wander in my life out of boredom and I didn't stay because I had nobody else either. We stayed in eachothers lives because we wanted and that's what I'm trying to say, you can meet people at the weirdest places, make friends out of the strangest situations and yet if it's meant to be it will be no matter what. No matter how hard life gets, people that love you and care for you won't make stupid excuses they'll be there when you need them.

Here's a little advice for all of you…

There's going to be a time when you realize that you need to walk away from all the drama and all the people who trive on it and live off it. There's going to come a time when you realize you need to surround yourself with people who make you laugh. People who bring out the best in you, people who compliment you and you compliment them. People that just click, being around them is easy…you know what I mean? There comes a time when you need to forget about the bad, focus on the good. And if there's no good in your life yet then just wait for it, good things come to those that wait. I believe that. Even when things seem hard and hopless there's still good things coming. Learn to love people that love you harder and those who don't, love them from a distance. Always be a better person then they are. Never fall down to their level. It's not worth it. Thing is, life is just too short to be anything but happy. And if you're not at that point in life yet, then strive to be happy. Don't dwell on hate, don't let it consume you. It's okay to get angry, it's okay to get upset, but don't hold grudges, don't wallow in hate and self pity, let it go and let live. And if you fall…well that' s okay, falling down is a part of life, but getting up, that's living.

Enjoy the weekend kids, stay safe out there, raise a little hell but stay out of trouble.

P.S. Before I log out and enjoy my friday...my boys released a new song and video and I am completly and totally in love, you figured that from the title and first line already haven't you? Ha. Amazing song and I am so proud of them. Go check it out, press play and enjoy and then press play again and share it everywhere you can. If you want to. Please. Thank you.

Blast from the past.

The times are tough now, just getting tougher, this old world is rough, it's just getting rougher, cover me, come on baby, cover me.

Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me. Promise me baby you won't let them find us, hold me in your arms, let's let our love blind us, cover me, shut the door and cover me.

Don't you think Boss is right? Times are just getting tougher lately. Life is getting rougher. Maybe it's just my life…then again…if you're not a complete ignorant oaf then you know what kinda world we live in…

I haven't really been myself lately so instead of forcing myself to write something half decent I will do another throw back and I will share something I wrote on my other ''teenage blog''. I know what you're thinking ''A teen? Writing a blog? Run away.'' Hah. And you wouldn't be wrong anyways, it's full of my hearts eyes over a random band member or daily adventures which are…something straight out of an episode of friends… But here, take a look for yourself.

June 8th 2013

''What is even my life? And also a bit of I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT OH MY GOD''

I had another one of my ''weird days''. First off I was late to an appointment I should be at so I had to wake up and get out in like 10 minutes...that never works for me, I'm always confused and disoriented after a ''brutal'' awakening XD so I get out go to my aunt, do everything I'm supposed to be doing, forgeting about the rain...I knew it's going to rain I just forgot about it, cuz I was in a hurry...so halfway home it starts pouring, lucky me, no jacket, no umbrella and of course a white shirt...I don't get it, every single day when it rains I have to have a white shirt on, and it's a total coincident...I'm clearly incapable of wearing dark clothes in the rain...

Well whatever let me get to the point...I get home soaked and in the lobby I start pulling my clothes off so I wouldn't get everything wet...100% sure I was home alone, not used of anyone being here at this time, suddenly my mom goes like ''Nikki is that you?'' I was in a bad mood so I just said ''no mom it's OJ Simpson'' wouldn't be so bad if I didn't hear a man laughing...out of all days she had to pick today to have a friend over...the actor...the gorgeous one...can you kill me please? Someone? Anyone???

Let's put it this way...it's impossible to get to my room without passing the kitchen were they were sitting...so I took a deep breath and walked right by them, would be fine if my mom *she shall get revenge -_-* wouldn't make me wait...and she goes like ''I sure hope you went out with a little more clothing than that'' by that point I was standing there in zebra print underwear, shivering cuz I was cold and the guy scans me and he's like ''nice''...

I just shrugged saying ''Davids favorite'' of course he didn't get it and my mom ''explains'' with ''David is Nikkis imaginary boyfriend'' Hellooo!!!? Mom he's real!!! I told them my version of the truth that he's not imaginary but a perfect boyfriend who doesn't expose me to the paparazzi and the fans so he never mentions me to make sure they leave me alone XD you should have seen my moms face + eye rolling it was hilarious XD then she goes like ''remember the ''being normal'' thing we talked about? This would be a good time to start practicing it''...yeah right...she must be delusional or living in a fairytale to think I'm ever going to be normal...you shouldn't have used the microwave so much while being pregnant with me mom.

Her friend liked my ''preformance'' though, he said he totally bought it and that I would make a great actress...of course mom spoiled that moment for me by saying ''of course she would be, she's such a drama queen'' ah thanks mom, I love you too...

What the hell am I even rambling about? The concert!! The god damn concert! Simple plan's god damn concert! First a quick note to all my girl readers…you know those pads you can buy that are soaked in nail polish remover? Yeah aparently they look just like eye makeup remover…how do I know? I'm a bloody idiot. I used nail polish remover on my damn eyes instead of makeup remover…also put salt in my coffee…the nerves…oh jesus I was on an emotional bloody rollercoaster…

I AM FREAKING OUT. I've spend the last two days crying over every little god damn thing. It's insane. The concert was...I can't even put it into words. I just can't. They are too PERFECT. I FUCKING ADORE THEM. The drive there took forever then there was a car crash and we were literally moving one meter ever 5 fucking minutes. You have NO idea how nervous I was. My legs were shaking. I was freaking out. Putting fucking acetone on my eyes and salt in my coffee kinda nervous. When we stood outside the venue I was a complete mess of emotion and tears and everything. Just the thought of them being basically 3 walls away was too much. Took a little walk around the venue, as you guessed, didn't meet the band. If I did you'd hear me scream anyways…no wait I wouldn't have time to scream…I'd pass out in David's arms. I hear he likes to hug fans…to me it aint hugging it's more like a game of let's see how quickly I can kill Nikki. Boom. Gone. Dead. I'd never survive that. Jesus christ that man. I'd like to think I'd ask him if he wants to see his name tattooed on me…ha! In the shower maybe *you're going to hell Nikki* but come on…don't have the balls to do that.

I did meet the singer of their support called A friend in London we took a picture together :D

He was so sweet! Said our picture together was perfect and told us to enjoy the show and all, even gave me one of their CD's. Really sweet. Big fan now.

BUT MY BOYS!

THEY ARE PERFECT. As usual they opened with Shut up and closed with perfect. Of course David had to ask who is going to shower with him *I might of have a nervous breakdown there* WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU BOY?! OF COURSE WE ALL WANT TO FUCKING SHOWER WITH YOU WHAT DO YOU THINK???

And there was a moment when Pierre asked ''who here is from Slovenia?'' and I JUST LOST IT. Not to mention there were about 10 seconds when David and I had our eyes locked on eachother. He looked at me and I smiled and he smiled back and we were looking at eachother and ASDFGHJKL!!!! How the hell am I still breathing right now? That's a million dollar question I believe…what if I'm actually not alive anymore? This is just an illusion isn't it? That perfect smile did it…damn it.

I could go on and on and on about this show and the guys but yeah if I shorten this basically nothing in my life can top this. Only if I get to meet them next time and actually survive. I hope. So I screamed like a hysteric psychopat *my mothers words. Isn't she charming* sang every word to every song and cried gallons of tears during This song saved my life and Perfect. And the entire show I was in the second row. Pierre's and my fingers brushed briefly when he came closer and I died. In a result I've lost my voice. Basically I can't talk I can barely whisper, my body is covered in bruises *that I wish David would give me in the shower instead XD you need Jesus Nikki* and I can't move a muscle. But it was worth it. Best night of my life. Just the best ever. Let me guess now you're sitting there thinking ''dear god she's insane'' ha ha ha I get you man I get you, here's the deal though. I am not insane I am just really unconditionally totally and completly in love with them. They are everything and this kinda love you can't understand. You have to feel it to understand it. My saviours.

What am I doing typing this it's like 2:47 am...why is there no damn silence outside? Cars, people, cats, dogs...like how do people even sleep with all that noise? Oh great...some girl, possibly highly intoxicated is literally screaming the words to Doors ''Light my fire'' song. And I'm pretty sure Jim Morrison wrote ''come on baby light my fire'' not ''baby set my dick on fire''...clearly I'm never bored ;)

Life used to be fun no? Hah, enjoy your week guys, take it easy, love eachother and stay safe.

Outside's the rain, the driving snow I can hear the wild wind blowing, turn out the light, bolt the door I ain't going out there no more.

This whole world is out there just trying to score I've seen enough I don't want to see any more cover me, come on and cover me.

''Strap in baby and let Jonny drive.''

Can you feel homesick for a band? Does it make sense if I say there's bands that feel like home? I try new music sometimes, or different music and then I go back to what I know and love and it feels like coming home.

One of those bands to me are Bon Jovi. This post might as well turn into a love letter to the band but what the hell. Would you believe that I grew up hating Bon Jovi? I absolutely despised them. Why? My mother used to listen to them all the damn time, and mostly just one song ''Bed of roses''. ''But come on Nikki, they are so good, and this song is so beautiful'' and blah blah blah. How many times can you hear a song before you end up hating it? Wait a minute…I must have double standards here. Bruce Springsteen is highly overplayed in all my music playing devices but I could never listen to his songs too many times…okay never mind moving on.

What I meant to say was, they feel like home and I am homesick. But homesick after the band that wrote ''Living on a prayer'' not the band that wrote ''This house is not for sale''. I know. I'm going to get a lot of hate for this one but what the hell. What do we have if we don't have honesty? I love the band, I have for a long time and I probably always will but I just can't stomach the new sound. I am not a hater hating on the band, simply a fan that isn't particulary thrilled with where the music went. I am allergic to this pop vibe the album has, some wanna be techno rock, slow burners with endless echoey staccato guitar lines that bands use to make them sound like they're big deal. I am not a fan of the song mixing and I am not a fan of the cheesy lyrics. Maybe they're not bad maybe I've just had enough of ''sweetness''. Maybe I'm getting angrier and I just enjoy something like The Wrecking Ball by the Boss that much more…

All that aside…I still love the band. I think they're all amazing musicians, and great people. I have nothing but mad respect for Jon and what he does when he's not the lead singer. His soul kitchen is an amazing project and one of the few he has. Respect. Here's where the homesick feeling comes in. I saw them live twice, first time in Croatia in 2011 and second in Italy in 2013. And that concert in Italy is what is making me miss them like crazy.

Boss is THE Boss but this concert was special. I always say concerts are different in Italy. The fans are…I don't know. Can I say better? More ''temperamental''? They scream louder, they seem nicer, they have killer fan actions…Italian concerts are definatelly better.

I spent the Friday before the concert in the capital and it was…insane…to say the least. I met a couple of guys from Switzerland, they were having a bachelor party…yeah I probably don't need to go on and tell you how well that ended? I kinda lost my bra, which I gave the groom to be for ''safe keeping'' he was supposed to give it back and he sort of lost it? I don't know if I want to know anyways. First time I was removing my bra in the middle of a bar in our capital city…we went on to underwear then, didn't have any on so he literally took me to the store bought me lace panties and told me to say they're mine. Oh jesus christ. Let me point out this all went down with a lot of Gray Goose and Havana club. We had fun though, they sang Bon Jovi, threw ice down my shirt, I got kissed a lot, he was chewing my hair? And we played a game of guessing who's boobs are on the picture. Hah. Who knew I can actually be good at that? A whole new level of crazy that night. Now imagine I got to the hotel real late, completly buzzed on a Friday summer night in the capital, of course there were parties on every street…no sleep and let's get up at 6 am and go to Milano to see Bon Jovi. Smart. Very smart move.

I switched from car to taxi to train to bus to get to Milano, it was a proper nightmare. And the entire time going there I was thinking about how the hell is this tour working without Richie. Don't get me wrong, Phil is amazing, he killed it on the concert, but I always was *still am* a big fan of Richie Sambora. Without him something just isn't right. There was this…energy…connection Jon and Richie had and I find myself missing that. I'm actually more upset over their friendship then I am over the band. I mean a band member can be replaced but a best friend? Not so much.

San Siro is an amazing stadium, saw them there and also The Boss last year. I think there were around 65 000 to 70 000 people on both concerts. And you know what? Hearing that many people scream and sing the lyrics back to the band…god it's amazing. I get chills all over just thinking about it. This concert though, it holds a special place in my heart because of this moment, a moment during the song ''Because we can'' when the Italian fan base realized a project with which they wanted to show their support to the band. There were banners on the tribunes, 30 years of Bon Jovi history on them. People in the seats had colored paper sheets that made the American flag and spelled out ''Bon Jovi Forever''. Everyone on the ground had Italian flags raised up high during that song. It was amazing to show them that much love and support in a time when they really needed it. You could tell that Jon was really torn up about Richie leaving so his fans showing him that much love was excatly what he needed. He stopped the song midway, with tears in his eyes saying ''look at me crying like a little girl up here''…he thanked all the fans for all of their support and I remember wishing I could give him a hug and say it's going to be alright. There were so many times when I wasn't alright and their music helped so much but when the tables are turned…I suppose showing up to the concert was supporting the band as best as I could. I heard a lot of tickets were returned after Richie split. Here's that moment. A moment I surely won't ever forget…

''alright stop this shit I've got work to do''. The song started again and went on and on and on. I think they played around 30 songs. At the end he was taking requests, it was like he just couldn't get off the stage. Hey I aint complaining, could be 2 more hours of music and I wouldn't mind. Have I mentioned though how I almost touched him? He walked around that cat walk of his…I had golden circle tickets and he leans down touched a couple of fans and you know temparamental Italians got in the way. I was literally 10 centimeters away from touching one of my heroes. Yep. Life sucks. God I hear my mother in my head just now, each time I complain about this she's like ''So what? What would you do? Never wash your hands again?'' so what if I would do just that mother?

There's no secret that my favorite song of ALL time is their song ''Always''. I love that song so much I could never get tired of it. Not so much because of the song itself even if the lyrics are sickeningly beautiful and the meaning behind them even more but because some very dear memories and people are conected to it. Makes me miss those times and people less. I guess. I don't know. So in Croatia the first time I saw them, they sang ''Bed of roses'' *shoot me* and no Always. I was rather upset to be honest. Well that changed in Milano, oh my god when that first note hit. I was completly shellshocked. Is this happening? Is he seriously playing my favorite song live? And it was just…oh jesus I can't even put it into words, goose bumps, emotion overload, outerbody experience. Let's not even start with how many tears there were, sobbing shaking mess, with tears streaming down my face. The flag I had was stained with black makeup within seconds. That is why I always say everyone should get their chance to see their favorite bands live once. I don't take it for granted I am thankful everyday for the life I have and the chance to see so many musicians that I love, that inspire me and make me who I am.

I got myself two Italian ''boyfriends''…hah. Check the attached photo below. We talked for a few minutes while we waited for the biggest mass of people to clear and quite honestly a bathroom. Watching the stage guys was really cool as well. The stage was amazing as is, a huge god damn car and watching those people take it apart so quickly and professionally. Well that. That was fascinating.

Almost fascinating enough to keep me alive and awake during the traffic jam we fell into right after leaving the stadium parking lot. Oh jesus. We moved about 500 meters in two hours. Joyfull. Of course it doesn't really matter when you're all hyped up from the show. It starts to hurt the next morning when you're tired as hell trying to keep awake at work and counting bruises you've got. Still, amazing experience, more then worth all the money, all the headaches, all the tears and all the bruises.

This is what I'm homesick after I guess. That band that made me happier and smile so much and I hope I get another night like that. Sometime soon…even if probably not on the THINFS tour. Seriously not my favorite album.

Here you go a few pictures because I am in a good mood today. It wont last so enjoy these…

Now before I wish you good night...since it's about time to go to bed on my end of the world. Here's an unrelated note. To all my fellow TVD fans. Stay strong tonight. Whatever it may happen. We are all in this hell together. May all the gods help us and I'll see you on the other side.

Stay safe out there and look after one another.

The forbidden concert and nostalgia over times I didn't even live in.

I am dedicating this post to one of our closest neighbors. Croatia.

There is a lot of things I envy Croatia, like the beautiful coast line, the islands, the nature, their patriotism, I mean nobody loves their country more then Croatians love Croatia, I'm not saying that it's always a good thing but most days it is. Lord knows we need a bit of that in our lives. Maybe things would be better, but as long as nobody cares what goes on in this country, if everyone says that politics and referendums don't matter and why vote it will never be better anyways...you know where I'm going with this right? If you love your country, your nationality, you're willing to fight for it too. You're willing to stand up and make a difference but with this apathy the rest of us who want to fight lose all will to do it too. I always say it takes one person to make a difference in the world but some things aren't quite as easy.

Anyways that's not the point right now, the point is, amongst other things I envy Croatians there's the music too. Some of the best musicians that I really love are Croatian. Did you know that Mike from Steelheart is actually Croatian? And Tomo from 30 seconds to mars? Amazing. And then there's this band...A band that literally made history.

This is a band formed in Zagreb back in 1977 in the working part of town and it was and is one of the most popular rock bands in former Yugoslavia as well as they are in Croatia now. They're named after an Alan Ford comic, ''Prljavo kazalište'' or dirty theatre if I translate it. They started out as a punk band, drew a lot of inspiration from the Stones which were they favorite band. Judging by the logo we'd never knew huh? They changed musically quite a bit too, mostly with so many members coming and going. I guess the new singer which used to be a backup singer took them on a different path, a more rock and less punk kinda path.

Now they had a concert on October 17th 1989 in Zagreb, Croatia. Amazing concert. They say from 250.000 to 300.000 people showed up, some sources even said 500.000. Nobody was ever capable to do something on such a huge scale ever again as they did. They were actually promoting a new record and that excat record ''Zaustavite zemljo'' was kind of what announced the ending of Yugoslavia. It was funny actually the police showed up 20 minutes before the concert to shut down the power but they couldn't get through the mass of people, and they told the band to tell the people that the concert is cancelled. The singer literally shrugged it off saying ''you tell them, you're more the authority then I am'' and the show happened after all.

It was a different time back then, music meant something, a movment, rebelion and identity. And this concert literally was the end of a former system. The end of Socialistic Federative Republic of Yugoslavia and the begining of war. A war that was bloody and horrible and what makes it even worse it was a war between former brothers. Completly pointless. But then again which war isn't? There's a statment by the guitarist and singer, he told the crowd ''Samo da vam kažem narode, neka u ova teška vremena Bog čuva i vas i nas'', which means something along the lines of ''I just want to tell you, in these difficult times, may god keep us all safe''. It was an iconic statment and he got an explosive reaction.

It's funny that the most important song turned out to be a song he wrote for his mother. It's titled ''Mojoj majci'' and it became kind of a symbol for independence, it was a hair raising moment, I think it was the first time this song was preformed live *2 times on this concert actually* and everyone in that square sang that song back to the band. It literally wasn't just a concert, or just a show but an actual iconic moment. A moment packed with emotions and a moment that passed with no injury and no material damage. Amazing isn't it? Such a huge mass of people, fireworks even and nothing happened, nobody got hurt, nothing was damaged. Different times. People went to the concert because they wanted to hear the music, they wanted the experience and in these days I honestly ask myself ''do people go to shows to drink?''. What is the point? Would it make a difference to you if you watch youtube clips on stage or an actual band? Probably not, you're too drunk to notice. It really upsets me you know. It's not only unfair to the band but it's also annoying to the fans that came to see and support the musicians.

Here are some highlights, from the show I wish I was at just as badly as I wish for Queen and GN'R and that god damn Moscow peace festival...

And my personally favorite song of theirs...

I've seen them live before, they are totally badass and literally are one of the best bands on this part of the world. Why does this matter today? The band is celebrating it's 40th birthday. And they decided to celebrate that birthday in our country. Believe me I am thrilled. And even more so because the tickets are selling as fast as Green day is.

Obviously I get excited each time a big name decides to come around. Usually every single tour skips us. Of course. Slovenia is such a tiny country. Which is another thing that was different when we were Yugoslavia. To all those people saying we were living behind an ''iron curtain'' don't fall for it, fucking bullshit. In the years '79 and later bands such as Jethro Tull, Deep purple, Frank Zappa, The rolling stones, Paul McCartney, Wings, The Stranglers, Eric Clapton, Queen, they all played here. The near thought of someone as huge as Freddie Mercury standing in that same venue I've been in more then once is so surreal. Queen in Slovenia. And these are just a few of many.

There are so many lies going around these days, you are in literal danger if you prance around in a shirt with a red star on it. People are acting insane. Hating on the former system, the system and the president, both which gave them so much good. Well fuck, try being my age in this system now and you'll see hell. I don't understand it. People had good lives, times were good, they had good health care, they had free and good schools, they had jobs, they had comfortable lives, they had vacations, they could move out of their parents houses, the neighbors didn't hate eachother as we do now. I don't understand, what the hell brought on this hate and lies and delusions? How can older people that build themselves good lives in the former system talk so much crap about it now? Believe me, you couldn't of done now what you did then.

Not all of them, there's still some who don't even want to hear a bad word about either Tito or Yugoslavia or politics or whatever else. I don't want to hear it either. I have friends who have Yugoslavian flags in their houses and Tito's pictures, friends that are my age mind you. People that see through the lies and the hate we've been force fed for a long while now.

Seriously though lord knows Slovenia and Croatia has it's issues, we can't get along at all. As well as Serbia and Croatia and after the bloody war nobody can really blame them. Though I really wish it was different. This war had to be the most idiotic and pointless thing ever. We used to be brothers and sisters, one nation, we used to love eachother and our country. Yugoslavia was different, stronger, people were different, it had prosperity, it was better. And all the hate that we're spreading now about former times, and the hate we throw at eachother? What for? What is it even good for? It's pointless, it's tiring, it's just plain awful and it needs to stop. The sooner the better. There has been enough of it through the years.

Hate me or love me but I think we can agree on one thing. And that is that music has the power, power to make a change, heal, make a difference or just make you happier. The power to make a statment and that's excatly what this band did. I just fear that maybe we lost the ability to really listen.