Thank you for the venom.

When I started this blog I promised to be more positive. To write about things I love, things that excite me instead of things that bring me down. Things that ''take the light behind my eyes''. Y'all know what I'm hinting at aren't you?  The problem was that these happy things or happy times if you will came so rarely that I had nothing to write about. Happy memories are few in between which I guess in a way makes sense, makes you treasure them more. But today. Today is a good one.

So last Friday something went down that I never imagined I will ever see happen and it honestly pretty much erased all the bad shit happening this year. And believe me there was a lot of bad shit happening this year but this…this is a ray of hope that maybe, just maybe now that we're entering a new decade it won't be as fucked up as the past one was.

It was a concert. And you're going to ask me how can a concert erase a year long darkness and sorrow? Well it can. If it's the right band. If it's the right music. If there are the right feelings. They can do a lot. Music is the only thing I believe has the power to heal, break barriers, bring people together, make people happy, make people feel again, and if yours doesn't do that for you, then you just haven't heard the right type of music yet. I honestly wish everyone had the opportunity to feel that kinda love, that kinda devotion, and get to see their favourite artist preform live. It's amazing. And it's just, unexplainable happiness.

First of all I gotta say something about something. I find it personally offensive that My chemical romance played their first show in 6 years and I wasn't there. Like how? Second. Diet shampoo you're my hero and I love you. Third I have two settings right now ''I'm going to fight Frank Iero and there's nothing you can do to stop me'' and ''I will protect Frank Iero at all costs and there's nothing you can do to stop me''.

Oh my god you guys! The show. The emotions. The support from the crowd. God. What I'd do to be there, sell a kidney, you don't need two of those bitches, but I need my boys for at least a bit of happiness in my tragic life. The whole anticipation towards the show that was building up all week and mostly entire Friday was enough to send me feral or make me frantic or whatever the hell the proper terms are these days.

The boys giving fans outside blankets, that's enough to kill this bitch. It's probably one of my new fantasies to be wrapped in a hug and blanket by Gerard Way himself. Hell. Can't breathe just thinking about it. Or the fact that he also gave a dog a blanket. Seriously Gee, stop, I can't handle the cuteness. At that point my heart probably exploded into rainbows and unicorns and cherry flavoured lip balm. No joke.

The symbols on the merch trailer. The witches sigil on Gee (I know what you did there). The way he said ''we're gonna continiue to punish you''. Please stop. For real. Okay. Enough. I can't take no more. I think I need a safe word. Something in the lines of kumquat if you know what I mean.

That insanely loud chant of Mikeys name. I died all over again. I am just SO proud of him. Really. I remember years back when Gee said if there's ever to be a reunion it's most likely going to be without Mikey, but he got over his shit, over his addictions, looks better than ever, plays amazing, and the ammount of support he got was nothing short of what he deserved. And I am so happy for him.

Are we going to talk about that ''sass queen'' on stage? Because it's ''pretty stabby'' right? The way he sips tea? The way he walks? The Destroya moans?! No, you guys, no I'm really not okay. Good thing the show started with that song because I don't think any of us were really okay ever since Halloween. The fact that they knew that there will be a reunion since 2017! Oh my god you smug sons of bitches. Any interview you watch where they say ''no reunion'' ''it's not going to happen'' etc, those are the faces of people that know exactly what they are doing and I both love them and hate them for it.  Let's be clear. I am 99% sure that Frank was the only active member online for the past two years because he's the only one capable of lying through his teeth. The Jonas brothers? I'm on to you Frankie. Especially smug on that one ''the rumour of My chemical romance being back is like a broken clock'' not a record but a clock…he wasn't sick being asked about it was he? It's a clock because even a broken clock is right two times a day. You smug motherfucker you. I hate you and love you so much.

How about the fact that each show usually ended up with Helena so that the last sung verse was ''so long and good night'' but this show ended with ''this one last song, maybe it's the one you wanna hear, I don't know'' and it was The black parade which ends with ''we'll carry on''? these guys don't do coincidents this is all a clever plan of some sort and it's making me all antsy and excited. There's probably little things in life, well ''material'' things that I want as bad as a EU show so I can finally see my boys live.

OH MY GOD for the first time ever Frank did that intro on stage! The intro you guys! ''oh I'm there baby'' shit I think I was too at that very second.

The angel! The reunion angel is actually a statue in NYC called ''Angel of the waters'' created by a lesbian sculptor and therefore a huge LGBT spot. Can I die just now? Because this is just too perfect.

Ray? Your fluffy headbanging? Loved it. You're perfect.

That band is all that, sassy and roasting fans and saying shit but at the end of the day they're nice people that actually love their fans (were even surprised by the sheer impact the band had on the world and how loved they really are) and each other and the music.

I don't get it though, are we supposed to just like carry on now? I'm not ready. I wasn't ready when they broke up, I wasn't ready when the ''came back'' ten times in the past, and I sure as hell wasn't ready when Rock Sound on Halloween posted ''MCR is back this is not a drill''. How the fuck am I supposed to move on, each photo I see makes me wanna cry. Happy tears.  And just to be fair, I love this fucking fanbase so much. I mean there were so many that livestreamed the show for all of us who couldn't be there, they made us feel included and honestly that's about the kindest and nicest possible thing. You're all angels and I love you and I hope nothing but good things happen to y'all in the new decade.

And lastly. I just love how the show was just them. No stage persona or whatever else. Just the boys as they are. And just, they look great, so happy, they sound so good and if I keep this up there's gonna be another fucking flood. Shut up y'all this bitch is finally happy about something.

So, so long and goodnight.  

Not my gif, credit goes to the unknown owner, let me know if you know em so I can tag or remove.

Try to see it my way, do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on? While you see it your way, run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone. We can work it out.

It's been 39 years to the day yesterday when John Lennon was killed. He died on December 8th in 1980, he was just 40 years old. Shot down by that beast Mark Chapman who is still alive and in jail. I don't know exactly of the motive behind this murder, but I did watch a documentary once that this was a ''religious'' thing. As in Chapman aparently was upset because Lennon said in 1966 that the Beatles are more popular than Jesus. It was also said that Chapman was angered by the fact that Lennon would preach about love and peace and yet have millions on the bank account. Which is absolutely ridiculous but let's be honest here, Chapman is not exactly a sane person is he.

Couple of hours before killing him, Lennon actually signed Chapmans cover of ''Double Fantasy'' which despite it being a completely morbid and bizarre is now one of the most important rock n roll artefacts in history and after it being in the possesion of the same person for almost 20 years it was sold  to some collector for 1,5 million dollars making it probably the most expensive album on the planet. Well the story, evidence markers and Chapmans visible fingerprints are probably worth more than Lennons signature alone, given that you can actually buy autographed things by Lennon on eBay from anywhere near 2000 to 20 000 euros. Who wouldn't want that though, say a guitar signed by all four of the Beatles (even if we know which one is my favourite coughmccartneycough) specially because I know that having an autograph from all four of them and on a guitar even is super rare.

Why am I rambling about this? Lennons death was so pointless, and to this day I feel it's an incredibly tragic thing. John still had so much to give to the world, musically and as well as an activist. I think he was an incredibly positive person and the world would be a much nicer, better and happier place with more people like him around today. Though on the other hand, maybe this is better this way, I can only imagine just how saddened he would be watching the world and what it's turning into.

It's true I'm not the biggest Beatles fan, I really don't like the White album that everyone is praising to high heavens. I listen to ''Back in the USSR'' then turn it off, no joke, but I have in fact been hunting the white shirt with their logo, you know just plain white saying ''The Beatles'' in black, for a long time because I do actually like quite a lot of their songs. Help! per say is one of my fave albums I've got and also both the red and blue albums are rather good, though best thing to do is just throw on the ''Greatest hits'' and enjoy that one. I actually have two copies of that one, one near mint condition for collection value and one severely beaten up copy to listen to, cracks a bit but it's alright.

Alright you probably guessed that this is leading up to something. It's December, my abosolute favourite month of the year. Lol joke. I despise December. There is nothing worse than the fake hysteria, children hopped up on sugar and lies and people acting like January first is the end of the world so they gotta ''live it up'' while they can. Oh my god give me a break, life is crappy now and it will be crappy later. No need for false hope and partying ''like tomorrow is the end of the world''. All the hysteria about christmas lights?! What is that about? It's just lights? Never saw them before? I have wanna be Christmas lights in my room all year round. Big deal. And oh my god don't even get me started on these so called ''photo corners and hashtags'' like, I get businesses, simple, very inexpensive commercial everyone takes dumb selfies and posts them with a hashtag. But people! They are the worst. And not teenagers mind you but older people, like our parents ages. They are all insane. Taking selfies, pictures, live feeds on facebook, posting the entire concert as stories on IG. I mean the hell is going on with people? I get nervous rashes watching these idiots take a million selfies. For and fucking real who goes to a concert and spams up their news feeds with nothing but selfies? Okay we get it you went out of the house for a photo op. Great for you. Do people even care and enjoy things? Like do they do things because they want to / like to, or do they do it just to post on social media and brag about it? It really is that way, unless you have picture proof that you went somewhere / did something / eaten something it's like it never happened. I feel like we're all in some vicious circle or a digital prison where our own freedom is just an illusion. I feel blessed to be growing up in the 90's where my every move and later mistake wasn't documented and posted on FB or IG.

Now it's not all as bleak and disastrous, even if December is a month from hell. There is one positive thing about it. The stupid so called ''fairy land'' in this town has quite a few December concerts which are all free. Not always good music unfortunaly but I suppose you can find about two gigs per December to tolerate. Or at least one. Now I've seen one (first one – maybe also last one) this December last Saturday. I've seen these guys before and to be honest I believe they are the best Beatles cover band out there. They're called ''Help! A Beatles tribute'' and as a band they are quite amazing.  All four of them are great singers and seriously respect for playing in that cold, I was freezing just watching them. As a tribute band they are recognized as one of the best tribute bands out there which I think is incredible, specially if you take into consideration how many Beatles tribute and cover bands exist. If we believe the press, there's currently 6000 Beatles tribute bands. Wow.

Listening to these guys it's pretty obvious why they are in the tops. Very talented musicians, amazing voices, music, sound, hairstyles, clothes, it all fits down to the very movments on stage. And I'd say it's about as close to the original as one can get. We weren't all quite as lucky to see the actual Beatles when they were ''all the rage'' even if let's be honest I'd still go see the Stones in those times. Always been more attracted to the bad boys rather then the ''good school boy'' type vibe the Beatles were channelling. But Paul McCartney is on my ''to go see live'' wish list for the longest time now, I just wasn't quite as lucky to actually go yet. I mean you see old ticket prices 3, 4 or 5 dollars and you got all four for those prices! And today you pay 150 and up dollars just to see one of them. Crazy. I'm still upset by the way for missing out in Rome this summer. Paul was attending a wedding and I actually was at his hotel but then I had a train to catch so missed out on a photo op. I'd just die if I'd get a picture and autograph with THE Paul McCartney. Ugh. I guess it just wasn't meant to be like touching Bon Jovi wasn't meant to be in Milan. Damn it.

I'm so off point right now. Help! are such a good band, and they wouldn't even exist if someone wouldn't ask them once to play Beatles songs for a charity event. It was a one time thing and they realised they had far too much fun doing that to never do it again. Amazing. So Saturday night they spoiled us with all the best hits such as ''I want to hold your hand, She loves you, Can't buy me love, We can work it out, Yesterdays, Roll over Beethoven, Rock n roll music,…'' and others amongst which of course ''Twist and shout'' which I LOVE but also I'm sorry boys I will ALWAYS love it more when The Boss sings it. It was my favourite moment at his gig in Austria when the cops shut him down and he's like you know what fuck all y'all I'm gonna play for 30 more minutes and he did Twist and shout and the entire stadium sang and danced with him. It was a hair raising moment ( which you can take a look at overe here  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G2gkPcCNfg ).

They also played ''All you need is love, Back in the USSR'' and of course ''Let it be'' and ''Hey Jude'' which just happen to be my two favourite Beatles song. Especially Let it be. It's a line I wanted tattooed on me for the longest time, and now everyone seems to have it so I'm kinda over it but still I love the song so much ''When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.'' Beautiful and it was preformed beautifully by these boys. (speaking of, any ''mother marys'' out there having a vinyl copy of Let it be going spare? Maybe we can do some business. Lol).

Well last time I saw these guys I had only the White album and the Help! album but this time I got ''a few'' more so I guess I'm doing alright. Either way, here are some highlights from the great show and below are the links if you wanna check out the boys.

http://helpabeatlestribute.com/

https://www.facebook.com/helpabeatlestribute/

https://www.instagram.com/helpabeatlestribute/

Facilis descensus averno

I said I want to do more diverse posts but that doesn't seem to be happening. Being inspired to write something, anything, seems so hard these days. I think I would need deadlines and concequences. I think those are the only things that make me do anything. Fucked up world we live in when punishment is louder than motivation. Why would you inspire someone if you can threathen them instead huh?

Either way I've had this in my drafts for a while. It's time I edit and post. It's not a book for wider audience as I promised next review will be but then again what's a wide audience book anyways? A classic? Let's be honest not everyone likes those they just like the idea of looking smart saying they read that. A romantic novel? Yuck, no thank you and also there's gotta be a lot of people agreeing with me here. Fantasy? My personal favourite but that doesn't mean the rest of the world fancies it too. Erotica? Why not every now and then but the problem is a good author is hard to find they all sound like 50 shades of gray. Trash. Please murder me in 50 ways if I ever read something simmilar again. Crime novels are great tho, I love Scandinavian authors, best writers out there but once again, not everyone is into blood, murder and gory details. So I suppose a healthy mix, dose if you will of everything is just the way to go.

''To love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be destroyed.''

( City of bones / Book 1 of the Mortal Instruments series / Cassandra Clare / Fantasy, fiction, romance, adventure ) 

The Mortal Instrument series by Cassandra Clare are one of my favourite fantasy series. Kinda like I really loved Lord of the rings and ''Game of thrones'' and Harry Potter and also despite all the crap it's been getting the Twilight series. Yeah I say I'm not into romance but also read a ton of fantasy love novels. Like the Fallen series or Hush Hush series. Forbidden love, angels and demons, vampires, shadowhunters. Sign me up for that ride. I love series that involve a whole new world you can get lost inside for hours and forget all about the hell going on in real life, especially fitting right now, when I want nothing more than an escape from my own life. Books like these offer an escape and that's why I love them so much.

So obviously this book is not something I read recently. Only re read it recently because let's be honest here, I love it. Hated the movie they made based on it though. Seriously if you saw the movie don't  judge the book by it (or any book for that matter). Casting is all wrong and the movie is just…stupid. Watch the TV show (Shadowhunters) instead. That one is perfect.

Now the book ''City of bones''. It's the first one in the series of six books and it was of course a New York times bestseller.  The series follow the lives of several different characters although the main character in these books is Clary. Just a ''normal'' fifteen yearold artist, trying to get into art school, trying to fit in, living a normal life with her best friend Simon. Yeah. Okay we all want that no? Smooth sailing, finding our place under the sun. Be happy. But does it ever happen? Rarely. And to those it does, bless you, you're the lucky ones.

Just like I stated above that's what Clary thought, that she's just a regular girl and her biggest issue is whether or not is she getting accepted to the school she wanted so bad. That is till she runs into Jace Wayland and Isabelle and Alec Lightwood, who in front of her kill a demon in a club. That demon in turn melts into a puddle on the floor. Gross. Of course what Clary didn't expect was that she'll witness a murder that nobody else could see even if it was happening right next to them, nor that the ''body'' will disappear into thin air. Clary is a brilliant character though. She's smart, she's sort of innocent and naiive and as time goes on and we watch her character grow she turns into this really badass boss babe that you just got to love.

Complications begin when Clary is thrown into the world of unknown when her mother goes missing and she gets attacked by a demon who normally shouldn't be interested into ''normal'' mundanes, never mind ''the Sight'' she suddenly develops which only leads to find out that there's been a whole part of her life she's been lied about in order to be protected. In the middle of this mess Clary learns she's a shadowhunter herself. An elite race of warriors sworn to protect the world and the people in it from demons. They were created from the blood of the angel Raziel which makes them half human, half angel – nephilim.

During this whole discovery of a world so new and so different from what Clary was used to, she realises that there are things in her own and her mother's past that were better left buried. But along with revelations and regaining memories Clary starts developing feelings for Jace. Let's be honest here for one quick minute. Who, seriously, WHO wouldn't develop feelings for Jace? Strong, sassy, handsome, blond, very inteligent, the best fighter, funny, cocky, brave, loyal, fearless, perfect Jace. What is there not to love about him? Even his ''fear'' of ducks is totally adorable. Though his character also evolves and from this cocky guy who literally thinks the world starts and ends with him you get this more cold, closed of type, but that fits with everything we learn about Jace and his family.

I think the entire ''plot'' of Shadowhunters is really brilliantly put together. The runes! Wouldn't you  want to draw a ''tattoo'' on your body that would give you strength, stamina or healing powers? The weaponry, the supernatural world, their own country and capital connected by portals. Guys all the swords, daggers and chakrams! My martial arts senses are tingling each time I read about swords with names.

Of course there has to be an ''evil presence''. Where would we get if it was just a supernatural romance and an occasional demon to be slayed. Boring. But this is not the case here. I was worried it's going to be just another rouge vampire clan or demon but this is a completely different story. Throught the book you get bits and pieces of Clary's past and people that were somehow a part of her life, you actually see the puzzle coming together and discover the story alongside with Clary. So the ''lord of the evil'' is revealed through some twists and turns in the story.

We are also introduced to the point of the series ''the mortal instruments''. There are three of them, one which is also what the story also revolves around in City of bones is ''the mortal cup''. Three extremely powerful relics that can transform any human into….you know what, read the book I aint giving out all of the spoilers. Just this much, it's rather obvious that something powerful in the wrong hands can be a disaster. As per usual. Humans tend to destroy everything.

Besides the supernatural, the main sort of thematics I think this book revolves around is the importance of family and friendships. The conflict starts when Clary's mom goes missing and Clary does everything and anything to save her. Same with her friends, Simon and later Shadowhunters. A big supporting, loving family, as families should be. You know, there for eachother when things get rough. I strongly believe that a family only has one job really, and that is to love, mostly their children, else, if you can't do that, don't have children at all. It must be nice, looking into someone's eyes, someone you knew your whole life, and you don't see hatred inside them. Must be nice, knowing what it's like when someone's got your back no matter what because that's love and that's family. Must be nice to be loved and supported, and have that safety net…

Another main message in this book is also love. What is it that basically drives the characters to just free fall into danger to save someone else? Surely not just because they are family on paper. It's love obviously. I got family too, and I tell you as much I wouldn't even sacrifice one single hair on my head for most of them. I don't love them. Love in this book is what drives Jocelyn (Clary's mother) to sacrifice herself to keep her daughter safe, it's the reason why she didn't run when she could, it's the reason she lied to her all her life. Love is what keeps Jace, Alec and Isabelle together, they may not be related by blood but they love eachother and they are ''family''. There also is obviously romantic love, between Clary and Jace as the story progresses, between Luke and Jocelyn, as well as fatherly love between Luke and Clary, who steps up to take care of Clary after Jocelyn disappears.

What also came through for me was identity. I think that many characters struggle to find their true ''selves''. Clary realises she's not at all who she thought she is and her world is based on lies and not at all as simple as she once thought it was. Jace struggles with his family, or lack of that is, from being Wayland to Lightwood to something completely different later on. And Alec struggles with his own feelings, being quite hard for him to realise what he is and who he loves. Or god forbid addmiting to his family that he's gay, because he has no idea how that would be accepted by the community and the shadow world.

There's a lot of negative critisism surrounding this book / series. It appears people either love it or hate it. And a lot of critisism around the author as well. Plagiarism and other accusations. You know the works. As I heard it started with some fan fiction bullshit back in 2001. Which seems ridiculous to me. Isn't fanfiction by definition plagiarism? Characters and story lines already belong to someone else, it's not exactly original work just because you write those two already existing characters a new story is it?

Sure, there will always be better books out there, better stories, but nobody can really say about any book that it's the best and there's no other better one, truth is people are different so are their tastes and thank god for that, so you know, to me this series is perfect, to someone else not so much…but you know negative critisism never really put me off reading a book. I prefer to find out if it's really terrible on my own. If I'd listen to critics I'd be over here binging on 50 shades of bullshit. It was literally on every single most read and most popular list in this country. The day I knew literature fucking died.

I suppose I am biased in writing these lines because I do in fact love the series, and I also love a serie in general because it gives characters more time to develop and grow and you really go on this journey with them, you get to know them inside and out without it being rushed within a single story or a single book. And it really is a good feeling when you finish a book and you know the story goes on in part two, three, four,…that way you get to live in that fantasy world for just a little longer.

So if you're into fantasy, if you liked the Harry Potter series I reccomend you pick this up, you'll fall in love with the shadowhunters instantly and enjoy a brief break from reality it offers.

Part two review next?

No, thank YOU for everything, I'll miss you.

2002  -  2019 (2020)