Meet me in the city tonight.

There are people out there...people that bring out the worst in you, the very monster, the very thing you hate about you...and then there are people who bring out the best, the side of you that shines the brightest. But then...then there's also people, rare people, addictive people who bring out the most. The most of everything. They make you feel good and bad and so alive. They make you feel so good it hurts. So good you think you're high and you'd follow them straight into hell...yeah I know the type...here's the deal. Don't. Don't trust too much and don't love too much and whatever you do don't care too much because that ''too much'' that will hurt you so much...and sometimes when you think about it...it's not even worth it. It's not worth chasing after people that don't care, people that don't love you, people that don't need you. You have to stay true to yourself and work hard and the right people will find a way into your life and stay there because that's where they belong.

Same with relationships. Never let them to consume you, became your everything. Never let them be so important like nothing exists beyond them and the sun rises and sets with them. If they don't call you, that's alright, don't wait up, go to bed, get some sleep. If they don't write that's fine, put the phone in your pocket, go out and have a great day non the less. If they act distant, if they don't care to talk or explain, if they push you away, don't grovel, don't push, don't bother, it's fine, go home, do something you love instead. If they try to tell you or even have an idea that you don't need your friends no more since you have them, or all your friends are theirs and vice versa, spend more time with your own friends. Don't let them control you. If they try the silent treatment on you to ''teach you a lesson'' ignore them completly. If they play with your feelings, treat you like shit one moment and like you're in a romantic novel the next, walk away. You don't need that in your life. If they act like your body is theirs to take whenever they want to regardless of your needs and feelings, walk away. If they threathen you, call you names, hit you, bully you, walk away. If they forbid you to do things you love, or manipulate you into loving things they love instead, walk away. If they do something to hurt you and they don't stop after you tell them it does, walk away. You are you, your own person, your life is yours, nobody elses, you live for yourself and your life and carrer and well being should be most important. Not them. They are only a second character in your story, never let them turn into the main star in your own movie.

I feel like I can't scream this loud enough. Love should set you free not imprison you. You shouldn't settle for something just because you're afraid of being alone. You shouldn't dwell or cry over someone that treated you badly. You deserve better, you deserve more and you deserve your own happy ending.

Born to raise hell

Have you ever listened to this song? It's a beautiful song, the lyrics...it's all I really want from life to be honest...

How are y'all doing today? Had a great weekend? I sure as hell didn't, spent half of it in pain and half of it stoned on pain meds. But let's not go there right now...you know what seems to help with the pain tho? Elvis Presley...he's got a magical voice...yeah, but I won't rant about Elvis and his voice today...today I'm pissed, at myself, at the world, at life so I'll rant about ''angrier'' music...

Motorhead, Motorhead, where do I begin? I have a long lasting romance with this band. Bastards is their 11th album and no doubt my absolute favorite. I loved Lemmy's voice for as long as I can remember and I loved him as a person, he was something special...and the band...the band is absolutely perfect. I remember watching Lemmy's funeral live stream, crying my eyes out...he wasn't just a musician you see, he was THE musician...I miss him yeah. I read somewhere once that Lemmy actually wanted to name the band ''Bastard'' and that didn't work out so well, aparently he was adviced against it since he would never make it on the charts with a name like that...hah I don't see why not but alright. I didn't grew up with Motorhead like with Guns or Bruce I learned to love them on my own. I guess that makes it that much more special. Maybe I can also say that it was Motorhead that got me into some of the heavier metal music that I love and listen to today. Even if Lemmy always claimed that the band is rock n' roll and not metal. Yeah yeah if you're a heavy metal fan you'd love to jump at my throat just about now, I get it but hey take it up to the man I'm only quoting him. Thing is this record is like the heaviest up to that point in time they put out and that's what makes it so amazing. I mean come on it starts with a fucking bang and goes out the same way. I love Motorhead but I can't remember another album that starts as strong as this one. I also love the fact that all these songs are so different, there are no songs alike and this makes it a wild ride. Though you know I said this is a really heavy record there's still ballads on them. I gotta say I was really suprised the first time I listened to ''Don't let daddy kiss me''. It was like a huge ''cultural'' shock to me. I wasn't used to something as soft from Lemmy and I was really surprised. The song is rather nice...because it's a ballad I mean...but maybe it gets in the way on this particular record not to mention the whole subject of the song is pretty...dark and brutal. I suppose what stuck me the most is that this is supposed to be a story of a little girl painting the ''world'', her world in a realistic light. Downright scary. A song about a father abusing his child and right after Bad woman? I don't know, something doesn't feel right here... And there's another thing that kinda sticks out to me did you notice the begining of ''We bring on the shake''? It sounds like it was ripped off from Van Halen. I mean I know it probably isn't...just saying what it sounds like. Oh! And I LOVED the ''Jumping Jack flash'' cover at the end. AMAZING job on that one. Unfortunally mine is a picture disc so it's not one it but it's amazing none the less. Here's the deal if there's one thing to really appreciate on this record *besides everything else I mean* then it's the solos. They are insane. End of story Motorhead can rock, all the good on this album definately outweighs the bad or that one filler. They say in their lyric ''we know how to do it and we do it well'' and they are damn right, this album is brilliant and so much fun, with attitude, straight up rock n' roll with a bit of punk and metal. What more could you ask from a band? So if you're a fan don't let this one slide by, you'll love it I promise, and if you're not...then it's just about time you become one.

Alright guys stay safe, party hard, put on some Motorhead and lets rage. I'll see you on friday.

Nothing lasts forever.

''Going through these life changes, gotta keep my feet moving. I'm looking up at the sky, gotta keep my eyes open, gonna keep my mind racing. I keep on trying to fly. We almost died learning how to survive the fast life.''

It's late, I'm tired, hurt, confused and in way too much pain. My mind probably isn't functioning right just about now. I am just so done with all these pray for France, pray for Turkey, pray for Germany, pray for every single middle eastern country where kids are dying daily but the media is too mainstreem to even care to mention...it hurts...it hurts watching it happen, sitting in front of the tv with breaking news on or twitter and watching the body count getting higher. These aren't just numbers, these are people, with stories, lives, families...people like you and me and it hurts. I don't even have words...things...to say...I'm so upset and so confused. And I'm trying to be strong, I'm trying to live brave, like I'm not afraid...but it's so damn hard, these things are scary. The world is such a fucked up place. I just want to cry though I know it won't do me no good. Europe is hurting, people are hurting, this entire planet is hurting, enough, please, enough violence we just want peace. I'm so sorry for anyone who lost a loved one, for everyone affected or hurting from all these events...I'm just so sorry. All my readers and followers in Germany, I hope you're safe and stay safe tonight and I'm really sorry you're going through this, nobody deserves to live in terror. I love you all, I'll see you on monday...hopefully I'll have a few more words to say then...

Look after one another guys and stay safe.

''You know they say that nothing lasts forever, you know they said we'd never stay together, it's a long way down, can't turn back now, going through these life changes...''

Riders on the storm

''Riders on the storm into this house we're born, into this world we're thrown, like a dog without a bone, an actor out alone, riders on the storm''

Do you know it took me 7 tries till I got my Jim Morrison portrait at least half right? It's not done yet, god forbid, nowhere near done but so far it's going well and I'm happy about that...

There is something about his face...he was a beautiful man as is but there's something...the gaze, the eyes, the cheekbones, the hair...it's hard to capture all THAT. I felt like each time I wasn't doing right by Jim, the drawing was never good enough. But this time around I like it, presuming I don't fuck it up, still got a long way to go and plenty opportunities to screw it up. In that spirit, here's the music playing in the background, hopefully helping with inspiration and drawing skills...

I am very much in love with this record. My mother says they are meant for a more ''demanding'' audience...not everyone understands them or likes them, but I just so happen to love them. Obviously I'm a total cliche and my favorite song just so happens to be ''Light my fire'' but honestly ''Riders on the storm'' is right there next to it amongst the favorites...

LA Woman is the Doors final album with Jim, sure they continiued on as a trio but this remains their best work if you ask me. The entire record is amazing and I think it really is Doors at their best. I mean they started playing out this crazy, psychadelic, weird rock music and ''ended'' their career with blues. That's like taking the entire creative process backwards. They kinda evolved backwards. But don't get me wrong nothing wrong with that. The path they were on worked for them, and making the sixth album a blues album was obviously the right desition since this album is just...oh my god! Yes that good. Hah. Thing is it's not pure blues it's more a mix of blues and rock and I think essentially that is what makes them sound so good. They were always great obviously, ''Doors'' is an amazing album but this feels more...I don't know at home? More right? Like is just fits somehow. All the members seem more confident with this type of music, like they were made to play it. And then there's Jim...alright he was made to sing rock music, the psychadelic stuff...weird impro Salamander songs on stage for 20 minutes...but lets be honest in 71 when this album came out Jim was a completly different person. I mean if you listen to Light my fire and then Raiders on the storm, would you believe that the same man sang those and only four years apart? Because I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around that one. When they did Light my fire he was what 23? And he looked and sounded that age and four years later he aged a lifetime, he sounds tired, he sounds done, I suppose in a sad way that is why his voice fits perfectly into that bluesy sad vibe. And the worst part is that this could be his most honest work, there was no pretending, no act, nothing ''deeper'' to be discovered. It was just the truth.

I remember what is was like, playing this for the first time. I was blown away...I couldn't even pin point what it was but something about it just blew me away. There's no filler on this album, you can listen to it from start to finish because the collection of songs on it is beyond perfect. You know what it really reminds me of? Los Angeles in the 70's. Well more like the begining of the 70's. L.A. Woman is probably about Jim and Pamela...Thing is I always say if music doesn't make you feel something then you're listening to the wrong kind of music. And this one has all of the emotions thrown into a blender; longing, despair, addiction, hoplessnes, torment...and most of all sadness, if you listen carefully you get a feeling that he knew he doesn't have much time and that he accepted that fate. And it saddens me so much, his life and fate, I wish it was different, he was a musical genius and he had so much more to give to the world. It should of been different, it should of ended different. But it seems like you can't always get what you want. Though in the end it's not selfish, I wished for something better for him, even if he never touched the microphone ever again, I just wish he was happy. I curse the club 27 and the years 1970 and 1971, they took Morrison, Joplin and Hendrix and I can't imagine a sadder thing for the music world.

Anyways, ''L.A. Woman'' is one of the best rock albums out there, just as important as GN'R's Appetite for destruction or John Lennon's Imagine and a piece all rock fans should own. The original I mean, I'm not a fan of the remastered bullshit. But the original, with the sound as it should be...it's perfect. Give it a shot sometime I hope you enjoy it.

And to you my sweet Lizard king, Rest in paradise, we miss you down here in this hell we call home.

My heart is bleeding.

I was going to talk about Whitesnake and my past week but it seems inappropriate talking about something that makes me so happy while so many people will never get to be happy again. It doesn't feel right laughing, it doesn't feel right breathing. Nothing feels right today. I was awake at 5 in the morning the sun was slowly rising and I had this disgusted feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want it to rise, I didn't want a new day to begin, I didn't want the news to be real. I'm just tired, and done and losing faith in humanity...a little more each day. So sick and tired of watching people gun down people, slaughter them just because they don't believe in the same thing. I am tired of people so blinded and focused on some crazy ideology or after life that they can't value human life anymore. Why can't people just be good because it's the right thing? Not because of heaven and hell but because it's a decent thing to do. Being good to eachother...why can't we just live in peace and love and be thankful for living in this amazing world. Because it is amazing. All of it, it doesn't matter how or why or when and where you came to it, we're all in this together. We're all the same, race, nationality, sexual orientation, none of it matters, we're all just people. People that are supposed to do good, that are supposed to be good. I'm so done seeing how race and religion and orientation divides people. We are all the same, we all matter, all lives matter, not just white, not just black, not just blue. They all matter, all people are worthy of life and love and instead of dividing we should unite. We should stand together and fight whatever comes our way. It hurts seeing so much pain all over the world. I can barely find proper words right now. I don't even know what to say, except that it hurts. It hurts, for the victims, for the families, for the people, for the world. All of it hurts. I don't believe in prayers, if god was real this wouldn't be happening but I'm sending out all my love to anyone who needs it. All my French readers if you want to talk, vent out, please feel free to do so, I'm making this a safe place, you can come talk anytime you want to. And to the rest that need a little breather. That's okay. It's okay to be emotionally affected by what happened. It's horrible it's frightening and it's hard to process any of it. So it's okay to shut down your laptop, turn off your phone and step away. It doesn't mean you don't care or that youre weak or careless it just means that you need to take a breather. Sometimes you need to protect yourself first and that is okay. Go for a walk, listen to music, draw, paint, read a sappy romantic story, play with your pets, watch your favorite tv show. It's alright, you're alright, there's no preasurre you'll be back when you feel ready to be back. Can be an hour or a week. Take your time. We all need time to process, grieve and try to make some sense out of all of this.

Just remember, you are not alone in this.

Imagine

So Whitesnake tomorrow. Yeah I am excited about it not going to lie. I've been having too much fun lately, Alice Cooper, Bruce Springsteen, Whitesnake...Don't ever let it end. Hah. I wish but all bad things must end in Motley's words. I wish it wouldn't though...wait! Did you know those fuckers dared to ''kill'' the Boss in Zoolander 2? How fucking dare you? I'd bitch slap them all for this one. Ain't fucking funny. We all want Bieber gone but don't you play with the Boss...

Alright record sharing for this week. Another classic which I asume or hope all y'all record lovers already have...

I said that before and I'll say it again. I have mad respect for the Beatles, their music inspired SO much music that we maybe wouldn't enjoy today without them but here's the thing I just can't...literally can't listen to them. Maybe like 10 songs, Help, Back in the USSR, Let it be, All you need is love, Hey Jude...and that's it. I was always team Stones. Their music for me is so much better. But here's the deal I absolutely love Lennon and McCartney's solo work. Imagine is literally one of the best songs ever written. It'a beautiful. The lyrics the message...it's an anthem for peace. And something I wish the entire world would live by. Guess John and I are both a couple of dreamers.

This record is a work of a pure genius and the first album that after the Beatles gave him serious recognition as a solo artist and he wasn't just that one guy from one of the biggest bands in the world. The album obviously starts with the most popular and best song Imagine the lyrics are pretty simple but they make a strong statment. He always wrote such amazing lyrics anyways, he really spoke his mind and that's what made his songs so good. It ends with Oh Yoko which okay may be the happiest song on the album and basically an ode to his wife...and I don't like it one bit. I still feel she had a big role in the Beatles break up and I am not at all happy about that. Jealous guy is perfect. Such a nice ballad and it shows a different side of Lennon. Then you've got Oh my love it's happy and it's such a great song but also so underrated it was never even released as a single yet it should be. Then there's How do you sleep? I can't help but think that that is a very obvious attack on Paul and speaks volumes of their relationship at the time.

This came out in 71' which was a pretty awesome year for rock music, Imagine, the Stones Sticky Fingers, Led Zep, The Who...they all put out new stuff the same year. Anyways you may own this one or not but I would surely recomend it to every music fan. Might take a while to love it or it may not, for me it was love on the first listen. It's something special you got to hear it to understand it.

We miss you John, rest in paradise.

Our love is real.

I could never really put into words the last couple of days. They were...woah. I've been in Milan so many times and I never saw the church. THE church. And on tuesday I finally made it there. After getting lost...a couple of times. Hah. Undergrounds can be a challenge if you have to change trains and if you don't have them at home. We made it though! But here's the thing I was nervous the entire time, looking over my shoulder. The ammount of army, heavily armed, walking up and down the town square...it's downright terrifying. I get it you know. Safety first but fuck it's scary. Hell I lived next to an army base and rarely saw any army at all now they're patroling the streets and doing body checks at the church. At times like this it becomes real. The treath. The fact that we don't live in a safe world anymore. And I hate it. Freedom is something all people deserve it's their right and something - someone taking that away...should be the worst kind of crime there is.

Either way. The church is amazing. When you walk in all you can really do is gasp, the architecture, the stain glass windows, the music playing inside...woah. It's amazing. Artisticly speaking of course not religiously...

But that was not even the highlight of my week. It was the concert later on. I always knew concerts in Milan are special. Ever since I saw Bon Jovi at San Siro stadium I knew. There's something about Italian crowd, the fan clubs and actions, the way musicians just love Italy. There's something very special between bands and Italy. A special bond. It's pretty cool not going to lie. It was hot. Hot as hell. Prancing around the stadium in the heat was a bit of a torture... I respect the fans that were there on the heat for hours to get the front row. Dedication at it's finest. Props to you guys. I'm still waiting for my chance to have the front row seats and maybe touch ''God'' someday. Ha ha. I had amazing seats I can't complain. All thanks to my concert guy, he always gets best tickets and there's no words to describe how thankful I am for him. So Boss was on time started a little over eight and played almost four hours. He is amazing. Beyond amazing he is just...I don't even know perfect? Divine? The connection he has with his audience...he took a lot of requests from the front rows. And I do mean A LOT. And it never fails to amaze me how when he says ''shhh'' the entire stadium of what 70 000 people falls silent? The control he has over all of us...amazing. And then the band...the band! Not just a band but literally the band. He has to have some of the best musicians on the planet because his heart-stopping, pants-dropping, love-making, earth-quaking, Viagra-taking, legendary E Street band is beyond words. No words do them justice. Baby Clemons is insanely talented, both guitars and the piano, such perfection. I found myself sitting with open mouth staring barely believeing what I'm seeing. And then there's that song...that one song that I believe changed everything. Not just generally but for me too. I feel like if I loved him before that song made it official and forever. Which one? The River of course. It's just...so perfect and hearing it live was surreal. I was actually sitting down in a daze and there were some tears in my eyes when he fell silent and every single person on the stadium sang with him. It's just something you can't describe you have to see it for yourself. Like a friend of mine said ''once you see the Boss you know you fucked up for life because you'll never enjoy another concert as much and one will never be enough''. Well he's fucking right, nobody comes near the Boss and two times that I was blessed enough to see him wasn't nearly enough. Tickets cost a small fortune that much is true but he is worth every single cent because it's not just music it's not just an evening it's an experience an event, it can change your views on life, the world. I know he made a huge impact on me, changed me, and because of his music I look at some things a lot different then I would without him. And I'm thankful you know...take a look at the world, at all the lifetimes, the years, the ''era's'' and yet I was blessed enough to live the same time as him. Forever thankful for that. Now I'm rambling aren't I? Point is I love a lot of music but nobody has or will ever have Bruce's part in my heart. It's special and all his. Bottom line, Bruce thank you so much for this experience, for this magical night. It was amazing and I'll never forget it. Thank you. For everything you give us.

Now I'd just like to take a quick moment for something that y'all probably already saw. I'm late to the party. BUT! Steven Adler preformed two songs on stage with Guns n' Roses. And I can not express how happy I am. Part of it is selfish because there's nothing I'd want more then ALL of the boys back for good but most of it it's happiness for him. I knew he wanted this. He deserves it and I couldn't wipe the huge smile off my face watching him smiling while playing. He looked so happy and I was just...estatic. I'm so proud of you Stevie, life wasn't easy but you made it through and honestly you are my inspiration to be better.

Picture says a thousand words they say and I believe this one says even more. I'm so happy you're back Stevie and I sure hope you're here to stay.

Alright guys. Enjoy the weekend see you on monday for more ramblings about my favorite music! Stay safe.

Telling someone they shouldn't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better.

I know this might sound insane. But. Have you ever wondered why life is the way it is? Have you ever thought that every time you're happy something goes wrong? Like a light switch out there somewhere going ''oh Nikki's happy let's better fuck that up for her''. Sometimes I just can't even comprehend how everything and I do mean EVERYTHING always has to go wrong for me. Even if it's just a small thing or something unimportant it will go wrong. Because it can. Just so it can throw me off balance. And I hate it. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but I do and it does. Thing is. I sometimes wonder what's the point of planning things, or looking forward to those things if NOTHING goes the way it should. The Murphy's law is fucking with me on a daily basis. I could be walking pass a store eyeing a pair of shoes for an entire year then decide to buy them someday and just like that over night they'd be sold out. That happened before. Not just with shoes though. I swear like some people seem to be whacked with the lucky stick I'm whacked with the unlucky one. And my parents would say I'm still young things can change. Or to cheer up because the wheel always spins back and you can't always have bad luck. And I get it you know. I SO get it. Things could be a million times worse, despite everything I am still lucky. But all that, all the struggles other people go through don't make mine any easier. Doesn't really change the fact that sometimes I am so done. Sometimes I just can't do it no more. Sometimes I want to scream if it would do any good in letting off some steam and frustration.

I figured though I can't be the only one bothered by these things so I decided to share some thoughts as to what helps me with these issues. I read this book ''The Secret'' by Rhonda Byrne. And it's not about how you'll get everything you want just by thinking about it. Obviously your bank account will not miraculously multiply with a few zero's and a Ferrari won't appear on your doorstep over night...what this book is really about is that your ideas, feelings, thoughts are reflected through your behaviour and actions. It all starts with positive thinking. Every journey starts there, be positive, motivated, optimistic. When you have those, you get off your ass and fight for it, things don't just fall out of the sky and whining sure as hell doesn't help either. Just like the whole mindset. If you always think about how everything does and will go wrong it surely will. You can't go about doing something if you are certain that you're just going to fail in the end. I bet that lowers your chances at succeeding in the first place. You shouldn't be focusing on the bad. You should focus on the good. It might be little things but little miracles are still all around you. I think people are out to get you, make negative comments about you or your life because you let them. If that's all you talk about, if that's the vibe you give them, the impression that you pity yourself, if you don't give yourself a good enough place or think that you are good enough of worthy of good things...then why would others do it?

You know what you got to do? Find something that inspires you, art, music, poetry, a song, a painting, and focus on that. A saying maybe. Might be as silly as ''get shit done'' stick it on your wall and remind yourself daily that there is always something to be thankful for. There's always your life. No matter how bad things get you should always be thankful for being alive and being healthy because someone out there right now is fighting for their life. I always thought about happiness in a different way. If someone's happy that doesn't mean his life is stress free, that they don't have any problems. I think that just means that they know how to handle it, how to deal with everything. People spend too much time dwelling over things they don't have, things they lost, things they want or think they need instead of focusing on what they have. Happiness can be found in such small things. For me happiness is a summer night, with a drink in my hand, not a care in the world, maybe some live music or a car parked on top of the hill watching the stars. Or a brand new box of my favorite pencils. Or a record I've spent a long damn time looking for. Happiness doesn't need grand gestures. It can be little things.

Here's the thing, sometimes things end in life. Like friendships or relationships because it's time to move on. And maybe you wouldn't even know it is unless you were forced into it. It doesn't mean change is bad. Everything changes. People change, relationships change, life changes. Those you trust not to hurt you can hurt you most because they're the only people you'd never expect it from but remember pain always has a purpose, either to make you feel alive or to make you grow into a newer better version of yourself. We're not supposed to dwell on those who hurt us, we're supposed to move on and learn. Every painful process is a learning experience. Struggle doesn't mean fail. Remember that. No guts no glory they say and it's true. If you want to success you have to be willing to work hard and struggle to get there. It's never smooth sailing. It's your positive view on the matter that can get you somewhere, great things take time, even Rome wasn't built overnight. Thing is at the end of the day everything is temporary, summer, winter, raining, school, work, life and so is pain. Yes you get hurt, sometimes you're the one that hurts people but every wound heals in time and so do people. After dark there's always light. After each night there's always a new sunrise. No nights last forever neither does the rain. If life is bad right now it doesn't mean it won't get better. And if it's good, don't take it for granted because it can always go south. Complaining, worrying, stressing out isn't helping. That is a lecture I should tattoo on myself. I know it. I try to live by it. It's not always working. I know whining about something isn't going to make a difference. Only me getting off my ass and doing it myself will. I still rather try, fail and get up again then sit in a corner shrugging thinking ''what the fuck can I do about it?''. Well if I never tried I would of never knew. Yeah things get fucking hard and frustrating but at least I tried. I won't be fifty thinking about what would happen if only I was brave enough to try. Believing in yourself is the most important thing you can do. Because if you don't who will. If you doubt yourself why should others treat you differently? Here's a daily excersize, instead of complaining about the problems you have, try being grateful for the problems you don't have. This kinda reminds me of scars. I have a pretty gnarly one on my back and I didn't even want to wear bikinis because of it, I always thought it was ugly and people will stare at it. Till I realized something or better yet something came through into my thick skull. A scar just means I survived something, I dealt with something, survived the pain, learned a new lesson, became stronger, and moved the fuck on. A scar is like a tattoo, permanent reminder of something. Might be a life changing event, might be a stupid desition but it's something you should be proud of they aren't weakness they are your strenght. Just as you should never allow people bringing you down. Other people's negativity isn't your problem. If people treat you bad, dump them. You deserve so much better. When friends treat you like shit, use you, ignore you, dump them. It's not you. It's them. You deserve better. When people are nasty towards you smile, be you, kill them with kindness don't let their bitterness drag you down or get the best of you. Don't you dare changing to fit someone else, to please someone else, or to impress someone else. If they don't like you for you, if they don't think you're good enough...walk away. You don't need that in your life. You don't need relationships that want to change you or defy you. You are one of a kind and special just the way you are don't try to mold yourself to fit someone elses idea of ''perfect''. Right people for you will come along. People that will love you for you, for who you are not for who you aren't. Don't be scared of being who you are, standing behind what you believe in, fighting for what you think is right. You might stand alone but still there is strength in fighting. You're brave because you resist, and to be honest you only live once do you want to live in shadows always surrendering to other people's wishes? I know I don't. That's not who I am. I do what makes me happy, I surround myself with things and people I love, and I couldn't care less what other people think about it. The door is always open nobody is forcing them to stay in my life. I learned a while back that the best thing I can do for myself is to keep going, try again after I fail, to love again, to get back up again and to never let go of my dreams. I learned that because people treated me badly doesn't mean I'm a bad person it just means I chose the wrong people to surround myself with. We learn from mistakes, that's why mistakes are healthy but we shouldn't let those mistakes define us or dictate our entire lives. It's a bad day, hell a bad week or month but it's not a bad life. If you feel like you're stuck in one place, a rut, a crossroad, you aren't, you hold the key, you hold the power, if you want to change you can. All you got to do is get off your ass and make a change for yourself. Sometimes when things go really bad I just think about something an artist once told me ''it's gotta be ugly before it can be beautiful'' and that's just how it is maybe sometimes things have to go horribly wrong and bring you somewhere you'd never expected to be so it can be better, great or even amazing at the end. So life is hard, rough, tough but you are fucking tougher, just look into the past, how far you've come. You are strong as nails and I'm proud of you. If you're fighting your demons or if you're not, it takes courage to do both and the fact that you're still here, still fighting them should mean something. Don't take it lightly. Guys stop driving yourselves crazy over things you can't change. Don't stress so much, take a deep breath instead. Find the courage to be who you really are, to speak out, to be you. Smile more. Love more, hate less. Work hard and when everything falls apart don't wallow in the ruins, get up and try again. Always keep going. And when things go wrong, smile and say ''it'll be better next time'' and it will be. If you stay positive the world seems better and brighter.

Here's my weekly wisdom or better yet here's me pretending to know shit. I won't be around on monday so I smacked you with a long ass post today. I better get off my ass as well, gotta pack some stuff for Italy. I'm so excited! Thinking about a packed suitcase probably won't make it packed unless I do it. Hah. Y'all take care now. Stay safe, I'll see you next week. Cheers!