You still make my crazy little heart go boom.

I faintly remember saying I won't actually get into reviews of each album by this band. Mainly because they're CD's and mainly because this could mean five very long posts but I figured what the hell. I love them so why not. Starting with the lastest album and working my way towards the first one. Possibly.We'll see, might just be this one post.

It's pretty much impossible for me to define my music tastes. Do I love metal, classic rock, hard rock, heavy metal, country, pop,…a bit of everything I'd say. Maybe some genres prevail but really even that dependes on so many factors. But I think it's safe to say that pop punk and punk rock are a big thing in my house. Green day, Blink 182, All time low, Neck deep, (tons more), all my boys and I love their music so much. So this band this post is about is just the same fun pop punk band that I grew up with. Looking back it's crazy how much they've shaped my life, helped me grow, feel less alone and understand certain things. It's crazy to think how music really does save lives.

Simple plan is one of those bands that writes lyrics that ''kids'' like I can really relate to. And you know what? It feels SO nice being understood. When nobody else does, the music will right?

First time I saw them live was eight years ago and saying I didn't cry the entire show would be lying. It was a big deal for me, I had a hotel booked in Vienna, stayed there for like a week. Not stalking the band mind you (though I should) but just having some fun, seeing the museums,…life used to be good no? Anyways, seeing them for that first time, I was so nervous that in that hotel room I put my clothes inside out, used nailpolish instead of eyeliner remover and probably painted more of my fingers than nails. Seems silly now, but that was something for me. I was eighteen at the time and was about to see the band I basically listened to since I was like nine.

I also made some friends because of them, met them while waiting in front of the venue. Such nice people. Just proof that ''Astronauts'' really are super nice. I never made it to the meet and greet though and y'all are gonna laugh now but really I don't have the balls to go. I know, I know. Believe me I know it's insane but honest to god I am dead scared of making a fucking idiot out of myself. Lol. They're just people yeah, really nice and sweet people that is, but like, put me in a room with my heroes and I choke. This is the same situation as it would be if I'd ever stood in front of Gerard Way. My god. I think I'd forgot any and all languages besides pig squeel. Ugh. How can I tell a certain super star actor that he's a dick (It was totally by accident I'm still super sorry about that) but can't face my favourite musicians? I keep telling myself next time, next time, and honestly, next concert will be my fourth one (when and if it happens) and I think it's about time to get over my fear no?

Alright the album.  Did I mention I have a signed copy which means their finger prints are all over and oh my god? Like literally, they touched it! (ignore the crazy fangirl). I was beyond upset when the new album didn't come to our dumb country, which gets about as much new stuff as a priest sees *****. Which should be zero but I think we know how things work right? Anyways, I decided to wait before ordering online if only, maybe, perhaps our stores get it by accident. They never did, but boy am I glad I waited because then I got my own copy at their last concert I saw. And did I mention that it's SIGNED! And that this was also the show at which I got David's guitar pick? Like literally stage used guitar pick, which HE himself threw off stage. You guys, that's gotta be one of my most prized possesions. The merch guy selling them at the gig tho ''oh cool you want a CD? They come signed by the band you know'' and I'm just like ''I do, I got instagram''. Stalker much? Lol.

I loved this band way back in the day when MTV used to be good. Yes kids I am old and yes MTV used to be good. You know it played Motley Crue, Skid Row, Guns N' Roses and Warrant like all the time? And now it plays crap like Billie whatever she is and things that are a disgrace for music, like Justin Bieber but lets not go there right now.

I think SP are really the band that got me into this whole pop punk scene, I didn't listen to much of it before them. Green day only. But them working and playing with different bands really got me into it much more.  And they've been a constant in my life. My solid ground if you will. People come and go, friendships and families fall apart, things change like a god damn wheel of fortune is turning but this band has been there for me through thick and thin making me feel better, less alone and mostly less anxious.

Seeing them for the second and third time was just as special. People say ''oh but you've seen the band already, why go again?''. Uhm, because I love their music? Because they make new music? Because no show is really the same? Second time I drove to Vienna on the day of the concert and there was an accident on the road making us late and if you think I didn't lose it with nerves you're wrong. I thought I'd jump out of the car and ran to the venue. I'd be totally capable of it too. Seriously I was a wreck the second time too, crying before the show even started. Got to meet the singer of the support band though. That was great. We took some pictures, talked a bit, he gave me their CD. Which actually somehow brings us back to the meet and greet, a friend of mine went, we talked after the show how it was. The hugging?! I honestly think I'd pass out, why must they be so charming and adorable and love hugging fans? Ugh.

I'm sorry but you guys on the second show, there's a break in the songs where Pierre always asks ''is anyone here from Canada?'' and like a bunch of other countries, random, European. And on my second concert he actually asked ''who here is from Slovenia?'' if you think that didn't give me a full blown cardiac arrest you are wrong. Really wrong. And possibly the best part of the show was locking eyes with David and having him smile right at me. Actually, how am I even alive today? By all natures laws I should be dead.

Alright I suppose I need to dial it way back down and write some words about the album. It's super catchy and fun that's obviously a no brainer. First song on this album is called ''Opinion overload'' and it's a strong track with a lot of heavy guitar parts. The song is heavier than what we've been used to from the band and quite literally it's a big huge fuck you to anybody who tries to tell you what to do, what to think, who to be. It's a very loud, catchy song, with a statement and it makes you excited for the rest of the album, I can't imagine a better opening song. Not just theirs but in general. I believe it was actually born out of rage towards critics, who never liked Simple plan much. I mean, I did say several times that critics are fucking assholes didn't I?

Songs such as ''Boom!'' (did y'all see the music video? It features so many of my favourites!), ''Nostalgic'', ''P.S. I hate you'', ''Kiss me like nobody'' is watching (we all have someone to who we'd like to dedicate both of these last two songs to don't we? Actually, sadly I have more people for that second to last one but alright), they are total Warped tour or for us Europeans summer festival anthems, and if you turn it up loud and close your eyes, it's like being smack in the middle of one of them, instead of stuck in the cold boring EU. These songs have this fun vibe and fast punk tempo while still remaining just pop rock enough to be a perfect blend for a break from heavier music.

''Singing in the rain'' feels a bit out of place but it's a great song none the less and I LOVED the video. And you know which video I also LOVED? ''I don't wanna go to bed''. Oh my god is that one fun or what? The song is catchy, makes me look at David and think ''yeah well I'd rather go to bed with you than alone too but here we are in a matching onesie with my cat, eating Nutella with a spoon and watching a movie about Ted Bundy'' don't judge me. Anyways the video is a parody to Baywatch. Y'all know Baywatch right? Or am I really THAT old? Lol. I loved the whole slow running, the lifeguard thing they got going on and the best, literally the best part is the ending where David Hasselhoff goes ''my god this is going to be huge in Germany''. Hilarious.

Another song with a great vibe is ''I don't wanna be sad''. Because it's just an anthem to actually deciding to take your life into your hands. It says it like it is. Yeah life sucks sometimes, and yeah there will be bad days but fuck those bad days, don't let them get you down. And that is such an important trait to have. To know life can get messy but to also know it can be amazing. The song is fun and cheery it just sort of fills you with positive energy and makes you feel like ''hell, maybe everything will be alright after all''. This song just like the ones mentioned above tie together themes of love, positive vibes, not giving a flying fuck about unwanted opinions or advice (or critics) and I believe they have this nice flow to them, they flow nicely through the entire album.

''Everything sucks'' and ''I refuse'' are two more fast paced songs, with a slight pop vibe but still heavy and fast enough for punk rock fans to enjoy. And also both with a great message. Everything does suck when that someone you love isn't around right?  And ''I refuse'' is brilliant in it's own because hell I refuse things written in this song too. I refuse to be told how to live, I refuse to live by other peoples rules, I refuse to live under a certain dictature,''I refuse to apologise for who I am and I refuse to ever let somebody say I can't'', I refuse all of it. And this song gets it. They get it. The message, the life, the point of it all.

Then there's the ballads. First one is ''Perfectly perfect''. Which I gotta say I was kinda hoping is a word play to their big hit single ''Perfect''. That would be amazing don't you think? The way All time low reference their old verses in their new songs. Anyways, it's not like that, it's a love song which is just equally amazing and the official video made me sob bullets I am not even lying. It's beautiful, and maybe a little overlooked. I am telling you if any man played this song to me I am his forever. It's touching, heartfelt, and you can feel the love not just the love which the song is about but the love that was put into creating it.

Then you got ''Problem child'' which is closest to continiung the themes from ''Perfect''. The band still isn't over their childhood problems it seems and they're still sort of struggling with certain topics conected to their families. Trust me I can relate. There's no other force as strong to either lift you up or bury you, like your family can do. The song is very melodic and very different. Just as the last song is ''I dream about you''. I gotta tell you it's not my favourite at all and I tend to turn the CD off before the last song starts. Why? Simple reason. It's a duet with Juliet Simms and quite honestly I can't stand her, not her entire persona or her voice. And I just imagine how much better this song would be with Cassadee Pope even if Pierres and Juliets voice actually function okay with each other. Y'all I'm sorry if you're fans of Juliet but this is just my opinion. Else the song is just very different from everything they ever did and different in a good way, it's slow, it's gentle, melodic, goose bumps worthy song.

Generally this is an album you'd expect these boys to put out with a tiny bit of surprise added to the mix. I'm torn between loving that and wishing a change. I don't know. A good thing that works shouldn't be replaced right? But at what point do you crave a change? I don't know really. But point is this albums is amazing just like all the rest are and worth it's space on your shelf or iPod. It's actually the album I love most, they show how they love eachother as brothers on it, they are a ''team'' and knowing all this could be taken from me, us, makes me love it that much more. They had their issues but they struggled through the storm and came out as fucking winners and I love them so much. At this point I'd like to finish up this post by saying how proud I am of David, he had his demons but he worked through them and came out stronger in the end and it just really fills me with some sort of warmth and positive feeling when I see him smile these days.

P.S. Is it creepy that I know who's who by looking at their butts?

Roses are red, chocolates are brown, you're getting neither, so calm the fuck down.

''Everybody raise your glass, pick it up and throw it back, grab ahold of your honey…

And everybody get a little lovin', a little touchin', a little kissin' and a huggin', do a little lovin', a touchin', a little kissin' and a huggin'.''

- Kip Moore / Wild Ones

How are we feeling today guys? On this lovely consumer driven and trivial interpretation of love day.

I think if I scroll back through the years of my blogging experience, there are quite a ''few'' posts on how much I actually don't like Valentines day. It's like a filler song on a record, created to breach a lull in holidays and make sure consumers keep busy spending money they don't really have on items that die the next day or items nobody really needs. I was always convinced that men that actually remember Valentines day aren't romantic but guilty. Guilty of whatever, cheating, not paying their partners enough attention, being crappy partners, remembering their other half only on that one day in the year.  Can we maybe remember our special someone on any other random Tuesday, with flowers, with a random card, with a chocolate bar, a vinyl or I don't know spark plugs for all I care, whatever it is that floats your boat, just because, you know, you love that person and you really don't need February 14th to show them that.

I think society and popular culture and mostly social media really puts insane pressure on everyone, making it the strangest thing on the planet that you're not into celebrating a fake holiday. Not to mention all the expectations that are too damn high. Uhm, last time I checked there are no ''we just started dating, no idea where the fuck we're at yet, but here's a card anyway''? or maybe ''thank you for being a fantastic hookup, cheers!''.  I guess not everybody is into hopless romantic type thing.

What I hate more is the cliche things we are told we need to be happy. Dinner reservations, watching sappy couples all over eachother. Yuck, I may vomit over the first course having to watch the fake displays of love when usually things are a hell of a lot different behind closed doors. Flowers? Flowers are so fucking expensive and they die. They DIE! Tacky heart shapped chocolates and teddy bears,…oh my god, you don't see it but I am rolling my eyes all the way back into my skull. Here's a little hint boys. No woman wants a tacky red present that looks like you picked it up at the last moment at the gas station on the way home. Women mostly want attention, so spending a nice evening with her is far better. But if we're on about gifts…it doesn't have to be sappy, it doesn't have to be red, and it doesn't have to be tacky. For a change, get her something you know she wants, a CD of her favourite band, tickets to see said band, a piece of clothing she told you she liked, makeup, a bottle of god damn Jack Daniels. Whatever really, just something that was obviously thought about. If I get a bit NSFW. How about lingerie? Present for the both of you and you save money on dinner? Just asking.

I gotta say the flying babies and candy hearts are kinda nauseating to me. Is there anyone who sells black and gray candy hearts that say ''not you'', ''fuck off'', ''you suck'', ''not a chance'', ''as if'', ''how about no'',…? I actually also heard that original candy hearts taste disgusting. We don't have them in Europe so I have no idea but if that's the case…I mean tacky and awful? Yuck.

The bragging about who has the best boyfriend. Ugh. Do you really think that because he got you chocolate covered strawberries and a bottle of expensive champagne in a hotel room service type situation makes him the best boyfriend? Girl he just wants some ass. Let me tell you what a good boyfriend is. And this is a true story. This girl thought she's spending Valentines day alone, and she didn't mind because just like me she couldn't care less. So at the last minute her boyfriend tells her that he'll cancel his work obligations and instead of celebrating they'll fly out to meet his family. Okay. Why not. Only when they got to the airport he took her to the wrong gate and instead of flying to some Southern state, they flew to Los Angeles so she got to see her  favourite band play. That my friends is a good boyfriend. And he'd be just as much of a good boyfriend if he'd order pizza and they'd watch a marathon of her favourite tv show on Netflix.

Pupular fun fact, chocolate in a heart shaped box doesn't actually taste any better. Just get me normal chocolate, any day, all the time.

Do I need to even start with engagements? You guys! The tacky engagments with rings in champagne glasses and inside deserts. Ughhh. Can I start screaming? That's gotta be a sure way to choke or break a tooth? I mean, I know it would happen to me as sure as I'm about to trip over my cat someday and choke on a spoonfull of Nutella…

And another thing which I dislike about this so called ''holiday'' is that it's purely sexist. Everything revolves around women, the roses, the candy, the bears, the engagements, the chocolate…but have you ever saw a commercial or whatever else promoting gifts women can buy for their other half? Surely women don't give men roses. I mean of course, they can apply the same logic with CD's and spark plugs I mentioned above but really, generally speaking, this is a highly sexist holiday. And in turn, too many men think that a bunch of roses or a fancy dinner is a free pass into your panties. Oh.my.god.

Don't confuse my dislike towards this day for bitterness and jealousy, please. It's far from that. Because generally, I feel that showing love is important, to your partner, kids, pets, family, friends, love in the form of kindness towards strangers, love in the form of acceptance towards others, mainly those different from us. But guys, love all the time, everyday. Spoil your loved ones when you can. Tell them often that you love them. Pet and feed a stray. Do a little selfless kind act for someone else, who may not be as blessed as you are. Life is so fucking short and so fucked up that a lil lovin' is the least we can do on a daily basis.

“Why, darling, I don't live at all when I'm not with you.”

Do you ever say ''thank god it's Friday'' and then wonder what is it that you hate? Your job, your life, your town, the people, being stuck in some rut you can't get out of…or is it simply exhaustion and weekends mean catching up on sleeping instead of ''tearing up the town''.  Not like weekends mean what they did anymore, if it's not working then it's catching up on work. I wonder when did life get like this. My grandmother worked from 8 am to 3 pm and had the rest of the day off and the weekends free for quick getaways, which she could afford as well as an apartment. And my generation just goes to an ''Air bnb'' because it combines traveling with the illusion of owning your own place, which let's face it, we never will. When did life get so fucked up, I wonder.

But enough whining over things I have no power over, today I feel like going back to a book review for a change, not feeling too inspired music wise. Been listening to a lot of Kip Moore and Brantley Gilbert these days (shut up I love them) and I don't own any of their music, unfortunally. I promised a more ''relatable'' or say non fictional book so here we are. Remember about the classics I said people keep on their coffee tables to make them look smart? I actually know a few of those people with books by Shakespeare and Tolstoj on their tables, conversation pieces but never really read. One of such authors in my friends eyes is also Hemingway. Who's books are on my desk too, with the exception that I read all of them. This one, which this post is about, several times. It's one of my absolute favourite books and I never get tired of re-reading it.

So ''A farewell to Arms'' is a novel that was first published in 1929 and is set during the Italian campaign of World War I. It describes a love affair between Henry an American paramedic and an English nurse Catherine. It's been adapted in plays and a movie that was actually directed by Attenborough. The novel is about Hemingway's own experience serving in the Italian front during the First World War. The inspiration for the character of Catherine is actually Agnes von Kurowsky a nurse who cared for Hemingway in Milano after he had been injured. Like, oh my god you guys, can you imagine not only of course being a nurse caring for THE Hemingway but actually being THE nurse that inspires only the most brilliant piece of literature ever created. Doesn't every woman want that? To be the reason someone got inspired and wrote about her, telling her she has galaxies in her eyes and that he never wants to kiss her goodbye only goodnight. Sigh.  I guess I shouldn't complain, I had a song written about me, or two, or three...Can't say they were all nice, romantic songs but still, I managed to inspire some sort of emotion.

So this Agnes, Hemingway had planned to marry her but that didn't happen when he returned to America instead. A large portion of this book though, was based on inspiration from a collection of letters from Hemingway's friend Frederic Agate who wrote home to his wife while staying in Italy. I read somewhere that he struggled with the ending of the book. Don't we all struggle with a good ending, a closure of some sort? I never know how to end these ramblings I write. Used to write lyrics and could never come up with a good ending. It's not just that writing is hard, endings, goodbyes, those are harder. So in concequence, this book had as he said 39 endings and in a 2012 edition of the book there were 47 alternate endings. Okay wow. I kinda like that to be fair. I mean imagine you're not happy with the ending (I'm looking at you Russo brothers and JJ Abrams) and you just get to pick another one that you do like, I mean out of 47 there's bound to be at least one satisfactory ending.

There were of course also censorship problems, the book was banned in the ''Irish free state'' and not allowed to be published in Italy before 1948 because of the Fascist regime which considered the book detrimental to the honor of the Armed forces. If you ask me though the problem was more that Hemingway has a personal antipathy with Benito Mussolini. I think in an interview Hemingway called him the ''biggest bluff in Europe'', actually makes me wonder what he would have to say about this century's favourite bluff Mr. Donald Trump (y'all caught the latest speech this idiot gave? My god).

I don't really know what it is about this book that I love so much. Apart from Ernest being nothing short of a genius and the way he wrote, the language he used being nothing but perfection. The poetic and romantic way he described things. The way he ''wrote hard and clear about what hurt''. Everything is just as it should be. Speaking of which, unrelated but, you know what's another big wish of mine? I live like what 250 km away from Venice. I've seen entire Italy more or less but I've never been to Venice, which is nothing short of a crime against humanity. So the wish is not only to see Venice but to actually go to the ''Harry's bar'' restaurant and order a Montgomery because rumour has it Hemingway was the first person to do so. And even if not, imagine sitting in a bar where a master sat, possibly typing away, creating a masterpiece. Must be the same feeling as it was standing in the middle of the Cappella Sistina, under the Creation of Adam, which is an amazing work of art and there is nothing on this planet that compares to it's construction and beauty.

It's probably the same old ''soldier and a nurse'' love story that the hopless romantic in me falls for in the end.  Or the charming way the fling starts, that was just a bit of amusement for Henry but developed into a real passionate affair that he did not expect. I guess it's the cliche way how when Henry is wounded with a smashed knee and transfered to an American hospital and the very nurse that gets to take care of him is Catherine. How poetic isn't it? A romantic love story, where they ride into the sunset and it's all rainbows and cupcakes. Don't we all want a romantic ending like that? Sadly though this story, like many of our own real life stories, does not end with rainbows and unicorns and cupcakes.

What I felt though throught this book was that maybe Henry as a bit too experienced, maybe he knew too much about what he writes about for his age, which of course is no surprise given that the author actually ''lived the book''. Though we know, thanks to many biographers that he didn't actually serve as a soldier in WWI, and that him and Agnes didn't get married, but there is still something so authentic and profoundly true about the story that nothing else really matters.

See Catherine in this book is a typical well brought up woman, who probably had a bit more luxury, and was a bit more spoiled, and had certain things expected of her and her being unconcerned about the scandal this affair would bring is completely unbelievable, but the way he builds on her character, making her grow and develop as a person, you see things in another light. Catherine is engaged to a soldier, they know eachother, they have known each other for years, and they also lived by what the society told them is right. The whole ''no sex before marriage''. I still don't know how people made that work. I mean don't get me wrong, I believe that in any and all relationships, trust, love, understanding is far more important, but it would be foolish to say that a sexual union is not just as important. So if you take a car for a test drive…you won't have a go at how you mesh together in the bedroom? I mean,…you know. Easier to replace a car than get a divorce, especially if there are real feelings involved. Even if I have to admit, there's something awfully romantic about the building up of sexual tension and waiting they could marry and enjoy the freedom that marriage could provide.

Before marriage comes though, all the death and horrors that the war brings makes Catherine aware of how fragile life really is and how quickly it can be taken away which makes it easy for her to violate all the upbringing she's had and fall straight to Henry's arms, or should I say bed?

I think I knew how the book will end before I read it the first time. I don't know what it was, maybe the deep mistrust towards authors who seem to be allergic to happy endings (I'm looking at you Nicholas Sparks), maybe the fact that a book set in that time, in that place, just can't have a happy ending, nevermind how much you'd wish for one.  But even though that I'm the one allergic to tragic endings and I refuse to watch movies that end sad (like the one with Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, I don't care how amazing it is, I heard how it ends and so keep it away from me) I love this book. I think that the fact that it ends in tragedy, it didn't make me as sad, life is a tragedy after all and there could only be one ending to this journey, or you know 47 endings.  Which I never read, would you believe. I only had one copy, the one with the original ending, that's been re-read about a hundred times. I guess I like having my heart ripped out over and over again. I guess I like being left heartbroken after I finish the last page each time I read the book. And I guess I like looking at the rain differently. It hasn't been the same for me after I read this book.

It's a beautifully told story, constructed so well it makes you hair stand on end, it makes you feel emotions that you probably didn't know you can before you picked this novel up. And I think the ending itself is not meant as a tragic ending to a love story but a tragic ending to war in general. War is hell. War is a tragedy and that's what's portrayed here. With Catherine, their son and his friends dying in the end it's I think also an illusion to all his hopes and dreams dying as well. But it's that ending, never mind how catastrophic it is, it shows  the brilliance of Ernest Hemingway at the top of his art, writing pages with such indirectly expressed emotion, all the grief, all the anger all the pain. It rips out your heart and leaves you panting I swear. Maybe that's another reason I like it so much. I like fantasy most yes but it's not that much about fantasy, it's mostly about forbidden love, and heartache, and pining, and then either ultimate happiness or complete sadness. I like books that make me feel emotions I didn't even know I have, books that rip out my heart in a good or bad way. It doesn't matter. Just books that aren't shallow or something too keep you busy, but make you think, feel, change your perception of different things. Books that  ruin you. You know what I mean?

''Maybe…you'll fall in love with me all over again.''

''Hell,'' I said, ''I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?''

''Yes. I want to ruin you.''

''Good,'' I said. ''That's what I want too.''

''Humanity is the disease, Inferno is the cure.''

You know I consider myself a feminist. A huge one. Obviously. I'm a woman after all. I support the whole ''me too'' movment. Women on high positions. Women as CEO's. Taking abuse and rape accusations seriously. But what really pisses me off is women that abuse the power we had been given. Power that those before us worked so hard to give us. Women that abuse others because they can, because they are women and obviously everyone believes them, cuz you know, what are the odds that men could be victims of abuse? That. That pisses me the fuck off.

Feminism isn't about blindly supporting women and hating men. Feminism is about holding abusive women accountable for their abuse.

''At its core, equality feminist theory advocates for the equal standing of both men and women in terms of desires, wants, goals, and achievement. Thus, from this viewpoint, the basis of human nature outside of culture is androgynous, neutral, and equal.'' 

The definition of feminism is equality, it doesn't mean one is more important or better than the other. I believe that anyone that calls themselves a feminist, a man or a woman, is someone who takes a victim of abuse serious, gives them the right to be heard. But not someone who abuses the power and twists the truth to their own advantage.

Remember some time ago, the news jumped on the story about Johnny Depp abusing his ex wife Amber? People jumped at it, calling him disgusting things, abusing him, he got mocked, fired, his movies boycotted and draged through hell all while Amber got all the support. Why? Because he is a man and she is a woman. And now the story breaks that all along he was the victim and she was the abuser. And despite a ton of evidence, photos, texts, video, audio, doctors reports, people still don't want to believe him? The press won't bother making a huge deal out of it, like they did when the tables were turned. I'm sorry but fuck off. Amber did what toxic, manipulative people do, she took advantage of a movement that was meant to empower women. She used it to her benefit. She used it to cause so much pain and terror.

Don't we as a society get that men can just as well be victims? Of abuse, of torment, of rape,…just because they are men they are not magically shielded from it all. They can have anxiety, depression, abuse.  Just like age doesn't matter, neither does gender. You can't only care about domestic abuse victims as long as they are female. That is bullshit. Abuse is abuse. And here you see exactly why Johnny didn't speak up earlier because even now, even with all evidence, people still don't believe him. They are still gripping at straws trying to defend Amber, oh but he pushed her…let me tell you something, there's no such thing as mutual abuse, there's the abuser and self defense. And quite honestly I am sick. I feel sick. Horrofied.

I've been told that I am looking at the matter through pink shades as well ''you're a fan, you don't know him''. That's true. I don't. But you get to know them through their interviews and movie roles and things that matter to them at least a little bit. All that, plus people he knows, people that know him, made it impossible to convince me that he's anything but an innocent man. And now…now when the world owes him a big fucking apology I feel sick, can you imagine the hell he went through? The lies, the manipulation, the emotional and physical abuse and then to top all of that, to be presented to the world as a monster. The worst kind of monster after rapist and child abuser. A woman beater. Can you imagine how removed, isolated and alone he had to feel? How depressed, to have everyone judge him for something he didn't do?

And on top of that he watched the crazy bitch become the voice and face of abuse survivors? The nerve you guys. The fucking nerve!  Just some of the extent of abuse that came out, wasn't just throwing punches, but spitting at him, putting a cigarette out on his face, slicing off his finger, taking away his medication, who does that? She could of killed him! His life was falling apart, nobody believed him and she walked away, no punishment. Do you know how angry this makes me? Do you know how angry it makes me that she represented actual abuse victims? That is just so….I don't have the words. Insulting really. Mocking actual abuse victims. She stood there next to them while all along she is the abuser. My god. Someone should call the Winchesters to put her down.

While my heart is just broken about Johnny, it's also broken for millions of women who are real victims. Women that went through hell just like Johnny did. Women who had to endure what this monster was doing to another human being while playing victim in the press. For her to lie blatantly about being abused is disgusting, ruining someones life, well more than one someone's life makes me want to throw up. The world jumping on that train right away accusing him sight unseen of abuse, supporting her but being completely deaf now when the truth came out makes me want to throw up even more. I believe there is a deep circle of Inferno reserved personally for Amber Heard.

I'm not here rambling and defending him because I am a big fan, or because I think he's attractive and I love his movies or even because I refused to believe all this time that he is capable of abuse. I am here rambling and upset because he is not only the victim but being mistreated because he's a man. Abuse is abuse and it's not right that the fact that because he's a man his suffering is minimised or not taken serious. If feminism demands equal rights there should also be equal concequences.

I will always stand by Johnny and support him, I'm convinced he's a good, gentle, loving person, admittedly with his demons, but we all have a couple of those lurking about. And I will always stand behind the fact that men deserve justice just as much as women do, and that abusive women belong in jail just like men do. Nobody deserves to be mistreated and abused, take it from someone who knows.

#justiceforjohnnydepp

P.S. Amber, while you already ruined Aquaman forever for me (can anyone get me a copy with all her scenes cut out?), bitch I better not see you in part two, or anywhere else for that matter, or I will fucking riot.