''Hey, pretty girl don't you understand I just want to be your loving man.''

Duff McKagan is my spirit animal. Ha ha. I just saw the best fucking joke online. ''I have two tickets for the Guns n' Roses concert in Kansas City, but I didn't realize it's on the same day as my wedding. So I can't go. If you are interested in going instead of me...It's at St. Andrews church in Springfield on June 25th and the girls name is Suzie'' I've been giggling like an idiot for the past thirty minutes. Sounds like something I'd do as well. Good morning family. Did you have a good weekend? I was busy with my art, my music, fawning over this particular and very handsome man and pretending to be the press on the local festival. Ha ha. See trying out new music can be great, but it can also be fucking awful. Not that I expected much from the festival itself...but I was surprised to see a couple of musicians are actually really good. Some bands don't get half the credit they deserve and some get too much that they don't deserve. So I gotta say, live music, fireworks, booze and long summer nights...hello I've missed you. I don't expect many of those this year though. The weather has been anything but kind to us lately. Lightnings, storms, monsoon like rain. Madness. Few more days before we leave to Milan for a ''weekend'' getaway to see the Boss. I am beyond excited. Come on it's THE BOSS after all. I sincerly hope there's no scorching heat or pouring rain at least those three days. Been looking forward to it for months. Alright so in that spirit before I actually fall asleep due to the constant rain and gloomy weather outside...I need sunshine people!...here's the music I've been listening to today...

So I don't know how well if even you know this band. The Blasters are a rock band formed back in 79 I California I believe. It was started by two brothers Phil and Dave Alvin. The self described ther music as ''American music'' which was really a mix of everything blues, rockabilly, early rock n roll, maybe even a little bit of punk rock. They're a good example of the underrated band I mentioned before. They're such a good band but they never reached the success they could. They had these crazy energetic live shows which made them very popular in the begining of the 80's on the LA punk rock scene, they used to play with names like Black Flag and The Gun Club. It's crazy the ex singer of the Black Flag, Henry Rollins said that they were a great band that not enough people found out about and also that Bill Bateman is one of the best drummers out there while in general there's almost too much talent for just one band.

Back in the 80's their song Marie Marie became a massive hit for Shakin' Stevens who by the way I also love. I know, I know my music taste is all over the place, even if my biggest love is still 80's rock, metal, hair metal. Nobody is throwing Guns n' Roses, Motley Crue, Skid Row, Warrant off the throne they have in my mind. But I'm not narrow minded, that doesn't mean I can't enjoy something new or different every now and then. Unfortunally this band doesn't have a ''happy ending'' either. Dave Alvin, one of the brothers and the songwriter for the band left them around 85 or 86 for a solo career, yet there were a few reunion tours and live albums with the original lineup. He sometimes preformed with them still or replaced his brother who was sick. Their last studio album ''Fun on Saturday night'' came out in 2012 and I'm embarrased to say I haven't checked it out yet. I don't support music piracy but getting less known music here is impossible. You ask them for a Rolling stones album and get ''the rolling what?''. Yes. It is that bad.

Well this album was recorded live in London and it's amazing. So much fun. Really makes me wish I was there. If you don't know them, give them a shot you might find out you like them. Like I already said trying out new music can be amazing.

Enjoy your week guys, stay dry, stay safe, wish me luck, got some ''things'' to deal with this week and I'll see you on friday! Cheers!

Good morning soldier.

Well England...I didn't see that one coming. Does that mean James Bond is going to need a visa now to do missions in Europe? Hah. On a serious note I can't say I think this was a good idea...for anyone, either Europe or England. I feel like Britain tanked Europe let's just look at the stock markets for a second...and older generations of Britains just sealed the deal on the future of the young generations...a future they don't want and will be forced to live in...I'm sorry about that guys. I know what's it like when older generations dictate you how to live. But I suppose time will tell. And what if Scotland and Ireland decide to leave? Then it's basically just ''Kingdom'' no more United Kingdom...Messed up situation to be honest.

So...I wanted summer and now I finally have it. Not the type of summer I'm used of though. I'm used of heat but not humidity. Maybe a little bit but at the moment I feel like I'm in a rain forrest. I hate this. I love summer, I love the heat but I don't love thick air that makes it hard to breathe. But I shouldn't complain to be honest, I've been cold for far too long.

And the GN'R tour started yesterday and if you think I wasn't already sobbing over the youtube videos online this morning you are highly mistaking. Oh my god my excitment is over the roof. I don't know why since Steve and Izz are still missing and there is no sign of an European tour *I know I know patience* but I'm just....freaking out over Ax and Slash. Together. On the same stage. Even smiling at eachother. It's just...perfect. One of my favorite bands back together after so many years. I couldn't be happier. Aparently there was a moment last night during Estranged instead of ''How could you say that I never needed you'' Ax sang ''How could I have said that I never needed you'' while touching Slash's shoulder which trust me is enough to get me in tears. It's not even selfish the thing about this reunion that makes me happiest is the fact that they made up and are friends again. That's the most important thing to me in the end. I only need Steve and Izz and I might as well live in a fairytale too good to be true. Guys. Make it happen. Please. It's not GN'R without them. Not really. Other then that I hear that the concert was amazing. I'm way way WAY too jealous of everyone who was there last night. As I will be of everyone that is yet to see them. Gonna be a long list till the tour ends. Heh.

Not going to rant forever today. Got an event to get ready for. Event with a lot of meat and stupid music. The fuck is wrong with me huh? Bin ich in der falsches film oder was? I probably got lost along the way to be stuck in a place like that. What's gotta be done right? What I will tell you though is how amazing it is when I put all the shit aside and just focus on me, on what I love and let creativity run. I did some drawing and painting and it felt amazing. Shutting off the world letting my vinyls play and just paint. No outside world. It makes my family nervous when I sit still and paint for hours but I'm not bothered. It's something I love doing. Even if my back is killing me after I'm done with a project. I understand tattoo artists so much on days like these. *sigh* either way...for the past two days or should I say nights because I couldn't sleep I focused on painting on shirts. I have tons of shirts with no print on them and paint. Bad combination. Shit happens. Haha. So this is what I've been up to...

Marvel geek whatcha gonna do. The Winter Soldier design is based off a poster a friend of mine owns. So the original idea credit goes to the artist. I only modified it a bit. The last one isn't done yet but it's gonna be a ''salt and burn'' type thing. Supernatural fan. I'm a geek for too many things it would seem. I use standard textile paint and Dynasty paint brushes. Expensive as fuck but well worth their money. So kiddos that's it for today, I'll see you on monday, stay safe or should I say stay in the shade and enjoy your weekend.

Let's go crazy.

''Dearly beloved we are gathered here today 2 get through this thing called life...''

I took some time to draw this morning. It felt so good. It feels so good focusing on something you love. Music turned up loud, fresh sharp pencils and nothing but time do whatever you want. Yeah my own little place in heaven. Interrupted way too soon unfortunally but still. It was nice while it lasted...

This is what I was working on. Aparently the drawing is ''good'' or ''awesome'' even but then there's the ''god Nikki why do you always have to draw men that are too old for you or dead already?'' ah family. You can't pick them out huh? Oh well it could be worse. This portrait took me about 13 hours all together. Really took time with the shades and little details. It's based on some picture I once saw on pintrest it looked like a grafitti. It was pretty much amazing not going to lie. I used koh i noor graphite pencils, high numbers like 6B and 7B and a white ball point pen for tiny details. And here's the record that was playing *twice* while I was drawing...

So you know how most people say that 1990 was Prince's true breakthrough? But come on are you really going to argue with this one? Really? This is a whole different level of his music talent. I mean other records are pretty much RNB or soul maybe a little punk and pop in between but Purple rain...that is rock and it's amazing. Let's go crazy became like an anthem in the 80's. All the songs on this album have that something special they sound absolutely amazing. And honestly movie or no movie it's perfect on it's own. I originally didn't even know it's a soundtrack. I know. How stupid can I be? Hah. Either way the songs are a little kinky and a little dirty and I actually like that. I mean let's just look at the song Darling Nikki for a second. Which by the way is a song all my friends love to tease me with. At first listen you'd think it's just a funny song about a horny girl but if you really listen to it you'll hear that's not the case. Now on the original album it can be played backwards. And you'll hear praises and hallelujah to god and his plans for us. How insane is that? And kinda completly perverted. Hah. God and sex references what else can we expect from Prince? Then you've got When doves cry which I can only hear a part of because unfortunally my record is cracked at the top *sigh* but I love that song out of one single reason, the lead vocal is the only real melody in this song and that's amazing...can you find me a song now that isn't built around an instrument or two? And I think nobody can argue with me that Purple rain just is a classic song. I get chils up my spine each time I listen to it on vinyl. It sounds so pure so good so alive...I can't even put it into words. Prince had his own style that he created and polished to perfection which made Purple rain the masterpiece that it is. It really shows the wide range of Prince's talents from his vocals to his musical versitility, not to mention that amazing guitar playing. This album came from Turkey sometime in the 80's which explains the crack in the vinyl. I love that the writing in the back is turkish but I'd love it even more with an inner sleeve and if it was in one piece or maybe even purple. However my two favorite songs are intact and that's what matters most. Another classic right here hope all y'all vinyl lovers out there own this one. Purple Rain was a journey I'm glad I didn't miss out on. Thank you Prince for showering us in your purple reign. Rest in power, you are missed down here.

''Electric word life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time but I'm here 2 tell u there's something else, the afterworld. A world of never ending happiness u can always see the sun, day or night.''

Runaways

I needed time to gather my thoughts, to try and understand...but I came up empty. I don't understand so much hate and I never will. What happened in Orlando was so vile and disgusting and horrible I can't even form proper words. My heart is absolutely broken. Nobody deserves this. And sure as fuck nobody deserves to live in fear because their love is a little different. So some people love a person not their genitalia. Big fucking deal. Why is there so much hate on this planet? What's it to you who your neighbor loves? It's not you. It's not your life. It's them and it's theirs and just as you're free to live, love and marry who ever you want, so are they. I don't understand why people think they have any right to tell someone else how to live, who to love. What the hell is the matter with you? Oh somebody elses beliefs offend you? Stop being a little bitch and turn around and shut up. Your breathing offends me. Your stupidity offends me. Yet I am not getting into a hatefull comment war with all of you. Why? Because even if you're wrong and hatefull and stupid I am aware that it's still your opinion that you are *unfortunally* allowed to have. Maybe this particular thing sets me off even more because there's people that I love that are also gay and it could be them. And let me tell you something about these people, they're the kindest, sweetest, nicest people you could ever meet. There's not an evil bone in their bodies. I was glancing through the list of victims and all I could think about was, this could be my friends, these are somebodys friends, somebodys kids, family. Loved ones. They're not just a number and they're not some ''freaks'' they are people, with families, goals, dreams, something somebody took from them and for what? Because of hate. I just...I can't even...this should never happen. Let me post a quote;

''How about we treat every young man who wants to buy a gun like every woman who wants to get an abortion — mandatory 48-hr waiting period, parental permission, a note from his doctor proving he understands what he’s about to do, a video he has to watch about the effects of gun violence, an ultrasound wand up the ass (just because). Let’s close down all but one gun shop in every state and make him travel hundreds of miles, take time off work, and stay overnight in a strange town to get a gun. Make him walk through a gauntlet of people holding photos of loved ones who were shot to death, people who call him a murderer and beg him not to buy a gun. It makes more sense to do this with young men and guns than with women and health care, right? I mean, no woman getting an abortion has killed a room full of people in seconds, right?''

Makes sense doesn't it? And to the rest of you who are grinding your teeth together deciding what disgusting comment or email should you send me. Let me stop you right there. I don't care. You wont make a difference. You won't change my mind. I will still support what I believe in and I believe in love and equality. Everyone deserves to love and be loved and it doesn't matter who or by who. So think about it. You weren't the gunman in this situation but you don't like gay people, you don't like gay characters in movies, you don't like to see two men or two women holding hands. The general idea of someone being gay disgusts you and you think they're sinners who need to be ''saved''. You were upset when they were allowed to marry, you insult them and call them names, you think death is what they deserve...found yourself in any of these? Yeah you weren't the gunman but you are the culture that made him. You are the bullets in his gun. You are what is wrong with this world.

To all the parents, family, friends of the victims, I am so sorry you have to go through this, life is horrible and unfair and cruel. I hope at least their deaths are not in vain, I hope finally the world is ready to change. Slim chance but one can always hope.

Now if we move to the happier subjects...not that I can muster up a lot of hapiness today but here's some really good news. Not only did I pass math but I did it with 70% I can't remember the last time I was quite as happy. This is something I'm terrible at, something I really struggle with but I sucked it up and proved me and everyone around me wrong. I am not stupid and I can do this and I did it. Now only the finals and I'm done with school forever. That is if I don't at some point later on decide to do something else with my life. You never know. But in the mean time...woah guys, huge step, I'm actually finishing school. Here's a day that felt like will never come. I don't like to brag but I am rather proud of myself for comming this far.

Let me finish this off with a drawing I managed to do in between all the crazy that's been happening. Yeah even managed a drawing. Now tell me I'm not wonder woman. I dare you! Hah.

My two favorite knuckleheads. Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth of All time low. It took me about 16 hours to complete this and you can see my concentration falling at some places. I loved doing it though. Any excuse you have to stare at them for hours is a good one. Anyways off to bed. Another friday night and I'm home alone going to bed early. What. is. happening? I really am getting old. Enjoy your weekend guys. Stay safe out there.

Only a quitter would let it go. I'm your fool in a one man show. I was so bitter, 'til you came along. You set my sails when the tide was low.

We're going down this road with tears in our rear view mirror. Far from home, but in the dark, you'll know, with me you've got nothing to fear.

So let's run away. They will have to find another heart to break. Why don't we just run away? Never turn around, no matter what they say. We'll find our way. When the sun goes down on this town, there'll be no one left, but us. Just like runaways, they will have to find some other hearts to break.

No more Mr. Nice guy!

Well third time is a charm they say and looks like I'm going to have to go see Mr. Cooper again someday. He didn't sing my favorite song. Hah. I didn't really expect him to, but I was hoping for a miracle. That aside...the concert was amazing! The man puts on an incredible show, you have to see it to believe it. From the effects to the covers to his musicians to his own damn voice. It's down right perfect. And then there's Nita. Oh my god do I have a little girl crush on her...she is so perfect. In every way. Pretty, smart, nice and the way she shreds! Jesus I got goose bumps all over. She is a bloody hurricane. Gotta say I missed the snake a little bit hah. There were all my favorite classics of course like Poison can't imagine a Cooper concert without Poison ha ha and No more Mr. nice guy, Under my wheels, Billion dollar babies, Feed my Frankenstein, Ballad of Dwight fry and of course I'm eighteen. I got to say though concerts in my own country are a bit of a ''cultural shock''. I'm not used of getting in the venue the last minute, not having to wait in line because there is no line and I sure as hell am not familiar with how is it even possible that a music legend as big as Alice Cooper can't sell out a venue the size we were in last night. But that doesn't change the fact that the concert was nothing short of spectacular. I was looking for it for a long while and he did not disappoint. I only wish it was longer and maybe that he'd say a few more words. Of course words are not important if you've got the music, you let the music speak but still it would be nice. Either way what really matters at the end of the day is that he really liked it here, said it was his best show on this tour so far and that is literally all I care about. The more big names that like this place the better, might bring some other legends to us. Maybe someday even the Boss. Ha ha ha way too optimistic I know. Hey now, anything is possible. Did I mention how much I love the whole crazy nurse and Alice's head comming off thing? No? Fucking best part of the show. ''You cheated death again Alice!'' heh. It's a good thing Hollywood vampires weren't with him though. There's a big chance I'd crowd surf my way to the stage if they were. Johnny Depp? Fuck yes! Also...the concert was like an hour away from my town yet I still managed to be home at eleven pm. Haha never been home from a concert this early. Histerical. Aparently he's got a bedtime or something, beauty sleep maybe? Heh. Which is by the way what I should be doing. Sleeping. I've got that math exam I've been dreading first thing in the morning and the near thought of it is making me sick. Oh god. As you can imagine studying today did not go so well. All that post concert adrenaline. I could barely sit still much less focus on my work. So guys...wish me luck, I'm going to need all the luck in the world so I don't fuck this up. Ugh. I best get going, let me finish this up with the amazing Cooper tickets...have a great week! Stay safe!

Can't wait to...spend a night with Alice Cooper.

I was gone for fourteen days I coulda been gone for more. Held up in the intensive care ward lyin' on the floor.

I was gone for all those days but I was not all alone, I made friends with a lot of people in the danger zone.

You know I never got along with people my own age. Not when I was younger and not now. I'm aware that I'm not an angel and that it's not all them. I'm aware that I'm the problem as well. But honest to god they drive me half mad. The behavior, the excessive drinking, all the damn pouty face selfies, and butt out posing for instagram. I'm either getting old or kids are getting impossible. One or the other. Not sure which one is it. But my tolerance for them lately went from low to little to zero. This is another parents problem I get it but if my daughter was this stupid, drinking, pouting at the camera all day long, smoking, dressed like a hooker, drooling over every other guy she sees with no god damn self respect she'd be banned into an Amish existance. I mean I did dumb shit before but I was never this dumb. And you know what really bugs me? The future of a nation, of a country, of all of our lives basically lies in our youth. And if this are the people that are going to build our future... Well shit we're all so fucked.

Oh right. Why was I looking at kids? I was at a concert. Like it's a tradition for about six years now I think. A concert in town always with the same band. Which I happen to love. Such an amazing band, let's not count how many times I've seen them haha sky high number. So anyways of course there were only kids there. I tend to ignore them and listen to the music but it's kinda hard when you're avoiding being puked on or spilled by some horrible cheap wine they drink. So gross. Like I said aparently I'm getting old. I can't really enjoy shows in this town in the first place. It's all about drinking. They can't have fun without being shitfaced. And I don't get it. I never drink at shows. Like never. I actually want to remember in the morning what I was listening to. These kids? They have no clue. Might as well play a youtube video on reply for them and that's that. And you know despite giving the bands a lot of feedback that's not always the case and it bothers me. Those bands come on stage, give you their heart and soul, music they work so hard on and your fucking wasted not paying attention to them at all. It's not right. Music should be taken more seriously. Because it's serious. It's powerful, it can change lives, it can make a difference. It matters and we should act like it. It was never just a background noise. In that spirit I'm really excited about Alice Cooper on Sunday. Don't worry you'll hear all about it on monday, if you want to or not you've got no choice. Ha ha. Last time I listened to him he was Motley Crue's special guest so obviously his set wasn't as long but he was so amazing non the less. Loved his voice, loved the band. Nita is amazing! Loved the preformance, the special effects. It was amazing. All of it. So I'm really excited to see the entire thing now. Even the snake...the actual snake, keep them dirty thoughts to yourself. Jeesh children, such dirty mind you have. Hah. Chances for my favorite song ''Hey Stoopid'' are slim but keeping my fingers crossed. So there's that. I'm off to bed..before ten pm on a friday night? I should be ashamed of myself I know. Meh I'm just so tired lately. Emotionally and physically drained. So yeah. Y'all take care. Enjoy your weekend, have fun, look after one another and party hard ;)

See my lonely life unfold, I see it everyday. See my only mind explode, since I've gone away.

Children of the beast

''In the beginning, good always overpowered the evils of all man's sins. But in time the nations grew weak and our cities fell to slums, while evil stood strong in the dusts of hell lurked the blackest of hates for he whom they feared awaited them. Now many many lifetimes later lay destroyed, beaten, beaten down, only the corpses of rebels, ashes of dreams and blood stained streets. It has been written; "Those who have the youth have the future". So come now, children of the beast, be strong and Shout at the Devil!''

Had a good weekend? I didn't. Studying like crazy plus the weather is completly fucked. Y'all heard about the lightning strike at Rock am Ring in Germany? I feel guilty. I said about a month ago that I hope it gets cancelled because I was so upset, disappointed and annoyed that I couldn't go. Now I feel guilty as fuck because it was in fact cancelled and over such a reason. Guys I'm sorry if my negative energy caused this in any way.

I should focus on other things instead. Like the busy week ahead, work, school, family, concerts, studying. I don't know how I'll handle everything and hope to get enough rest as well. I am completly fucked. But what'cha gonna do? Some idiot suggested that I cancel what I don't need. Like the concerts. I was just like ''bitch please'' can you cancel your breathing subscription? That would be awesome. I don't know how y'all live but in my book I need something to relax, something to let me get off some steam and negative energy or else I'd go absolutely insane. So no. I can NOT cancel the only thing I have to look forward to in my life. So here's to gritting my teeth and gallons of coffee. I survived crazier things so I'll survive this as well. But I am counting down days to September and October when I can finally take some time off and enjoy life. It won't come soon enough I tell you that much.

Here's what's playing while I try hoplessly to get at least one of these math things to stay in my thick skull. It feels like it just bouces of I swear to god. The more I do it the less sense it makes. I refuse to let it bring me down but so help me god it's driving me insane.

I ran out of Crue records to write about. Hah. Well as you can see this one is pretty fucked. The cover that is. It's been through some stuff kinda like me hah. Not in the best condition but I'm not really bothered with it because the innder picture is amazing so is the inner sleeve and most importantly the record is basically near mint. No hairlines no nothing. There's so many people that say that Crue at the time were just a Kiss wanna be or that the bassist was into Satan and skulls and dark magic. Hah. Oh god. I'm not going to deny it, he might as well be but come on. Does that really define music? I think not. On the other hand I know people who became fans because of this album which is cool but kinda pissing me off not going to lie since I already expressed last week how I feel about their debute Too fast for love. Now don't get me wrong. I love Shout, absolutelly love it. Not just the song but the entire record. But I'd be lying if I said ''Shout at the devil'' wasn't one of my favorite moments at their concert. The beat, Nikki's fucking flame throwing bass, the burning pentagram, Vince's shout at the devil scream oh my god! So fucking perfect! I have a friend who was fortunate enough to see them back in the day with Ozzy Osbourne. They opened for him and he said to this day this is his best concert ever. He said they put on an amazing show, though it was a bit sloppy on ends, there was fire, they were chugging Jack Daniels, the whole stage had this dark apocalyptic theme to it, the songs and the preformance itself way heavy, full of energy, full of attitude and that is what pulled him towards them. He said they inspired mayhem, chaos, rebelion which he as a teen at the time loved. Obviously. Crue didn't give a fuck nothing was off limits and nothing was illegal for them. They weren't some glam metal pussies they were serious and they were badass, I doubt any of them would have a problem breaking a whiskey bottle on your head if you were to piss them off. I think the whole point was to piss off the people, the parents, the government and most of all the authority. They just didn't care and I respect that. Why play by the rules? You get fucked in the end anyways and especially by the government. So fuck them all. That's the theme of this record anyways defiance against corrupt authority. Funny, it's over 30 years old and nothing has changed on this aspect. See I think that Shout is such a good album because the band put actual 100% efford into it not like they did with Theatre. They went to the studio and wanted to make a fucking statment and they did. Just look at the song Shout I mean it's like telling the world that they are the meanest, loudest, fiercest most badass band on the planet and I think they did a good job at it because it totally blows you away. Such an amazing strong song. I mean most people had a problem with their look saying they're way too glam or Kiss wannabes but lets be honest though their looks and attitude that went with it which is what really pulled me to them in the first place not going to lie...they actually had the guts and talent and amazing songs to back all that bullshit up. Heavy yet melodic songs, the solos, the drums, the lyrics, there's nothing commercial or mainstreem about it. It is absolutely perfect.

I love how it starts with the ''In the begining''...a description of the world going to hell. Come on we're not far from it are we? I love In the begining because it's what sets the mood of the entire album. It tells you to fight back, be strong and shout at the devil which leads straight into the song. And it's perfect. It gets you excited and really sets the mood for the entire record. Not to mention again, that live, it's pretty fucking incredible. Then you've got of course ''The looks that kill'' which is less vicious and more catchy, which I guess is why it's the single as well. I love the ''God bless the children of the beast'' it's calmer and it fits perfectly with the amazing cover of the Beatles ''Helter skelter''. Y'all know me. I have mad respect for the Beatles but I was never an actual fan. To me they're too pop...idk. I was always team ''The Stones'' but well, when the Crue sing it, then I gotta say Beatles sound fucking amazing. Haha. On a serious note, I know many will disagree because the Beatles are the Beatles after all but I think there's one thing we can agree on, no matter what Crue did this song justice. All in all this record came out in 1983 and I think it's still just as good as it was then and people who say it's a little out dated are idiots. This record is timless it will always be good, it will always sound amazing and if you can't see it then you're the problem not the band. Anyways this one is just as underrated as Too fast for love but bottom line one of the best Crue record *aren't they all tho? heh*. There's so many bands that came after them, trying to copy them, trying to copy their style, their music, some did an okay job to be fair but none of them were Crue and no matter what this record along with the rest of them will forever remain one of the most important 80's heavy metal records. Now excuse me while I put it on, spin that volume to the max and let's rage!

Happy new week guys! Hope it's less stresfull then mine will be. Stay safe. See you on friday!

''He's the wolf screaming lonely in the night, he's the blood stain on the stage. He's the tear in your eye been tempted by his lie. He's the knife in your back, he's rage, he's the razor to the knife oh, lonely is our lives. My heads spinnin' round and round but in the seasons of wither we'll stand and deliver. Be strong and laugh and Shout at the devil!''

Wave after wave. I'm slowly drifting, drifting away. And it feels like I'm drowning...

You know how they say stress is a silent killer? If that's true I'm as good as dead in the next week or so. The past two months I'm pretty sure I wasn't even human anymore but just like 80% stress and 20% water. And I am so tired. And so done. I get it life is not pretty or perfect but this is just seriously too much. I know I know. Just a little bit more then I'm done but it's not as easy. The problem is there's no reward to look after all this. Like I drive myself insane, studying as hard as I study. My grades are all between 90 and 100% and I ask myself what the fuck for? It's not like there's a light at the end of the tunnel or better yet a job. And even if there is it's not something I want to do, or something I'd love to do. It's just something to cause me more stress and anxiety. Either because I won't have a job or because I'll work a job I'll hate. There's a lot to look forward to in my future isn't it? I know IF I'm lucky enough to even get a job I should be thankful and shut up and stop complaining. Well fuck no. This is not the world I want to live in. Where people are miserable and stressed all their lives, working a job they hate barely surviving on it as is. Or working hard each month and barely make a living. This is just...I don't know it bothers me so much. And the problem is people are so fucking numb. They don't care. They get comfortable in their own hell and don't want to do anything to improve it. This is what frustrates me so much. Don't you want your lives to be better? Happier? Free? Do you enjoy worrying and stress and being walked on? What the hell is the matter with you? Here's the thing. People might be comfortable living like that but I'm not. I'm different. Maybe that's the artistic side of me. I know artists rearly fit into their envirovment. Well go figure I haven't noticed. Maybe that's why I'm so angry and so frustrated lately. Because everything bothers me. This country, the politics, the people, the stupidity, the hate, the economy. Everything is driving me fucking mad. I get to a point where people just breathing in my direction makes me want to kill them. And I don't know what the problem is. Is it me or is it everyone around me but I came to a point where I can't handle the stupidity anymore. I don't carry myself high or think I'm above all the rest but I do believe I'm smarter then most idiots in this god damn place. The shit people write online...unbefuckinglivable. I can't even comprehend that there's so much stupid in a single human body. And then there's all the hate. You think different, you look different, you believe in different things and suddenly you're a nazi or a fascist or rasist or whatever else people come up with. I've been called so many names lately I don't even remember them all anymore. And I am just done. Fine you don't agree with me. I don't care nobody is forcing you to stay in my life. You don't see the world as I do. Fucking fantastic I am not forcing my opinions down on you, you're completly free to walk away any second. What I do demand is respect. I am done playing nice and stupid. I am 24 yes. But I am not a fucking idiot. I don't need to experience life before I comment on your stupid ass posts. Just because I'm younger and you're older doesn't mean you're smarter. You can be old and stupid. I will not be walked on and I will not back down. I have my opinions I have my beliefs and they're different I'm aware but fucking fuck you they're mine and I have every right to have them while you have absolutely no fucking right to try and change me, to force me into your box, to even think you have any right to tell me how to live my life. Or to tell me what's wrong and what's right. And I will not stand a minute of it. My life. My choices. My mistakes. My problem. That's all there is to it. I still prefer all the nasty names you chose to call me because I know I got them while being willing to fight for something I believe in which is more then I can say for all you bitches. Yapping online with annonymous names. So brave you are. Really. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. I'm done. Done with this place, done with this town and fucking done with all the people.

I wish I was somewhere on a beach, sipping something strong, forgetting that the world around me even exists. Wishfull thinking...