There's no escape when fire meets fate.

I was going to share a post about art, about how I managed to step out of my comfort zone and not only work with a paintbrush but also on a really and I do mean really large canvas, when let's be honest anything bigger then A4 to me was just like my talent for manths (3+2=purple). But there's other things that bother me far more, like do you know what I'm having a hard time understanding? What the fuck is the matter with people lately? When did human kind became so stupid, evil, judgemental, derailed? Everyday I find something that makes me hate 90% of the human population more.

The other day I saw a man kicking a baby bird, why? It was in his way. You sick fuck. A week before that I saw another man poking snails out of the grass crushing them because aparently they're nothing but ''filth'' no jackass you're the filth. I can't imagine what's the matter with people, where's the humanity? Where's the kindness? Where's some fucking understanding, where's the love? What's the matter with us?!

I can't seem to understand, if we can't even show a bit of kindness towards innocent living beings sharing the planet with us, how can we even begin to show kindness to eachother?

Then again why am I surprised? Trump is the president, right is on the rise, hate is on the rise. Idiotism is on the rise.

I feel so completly lost, I can't decide is there something wrong with me or everyone around me? First sounds more logical doesn't it? I can't understand people, I can't understand the hate, and I sure as fuck can't understand how in 2018, rightist ideas can go through without people telling them flat out they're idiots. Did you know that over 70% of people that are deciding if abortion should be legal or not are men? Like excuse me but in my book it's ''no uterus no opinion''. How can someone even begin to think they have an opinion over a woman's body? A right over it too? It's not right and it's not moral.

Aparently now younger generation not having families is due to feminism, women's rights and the fact that women can get an education...there aren't words, literally there are no words that would describe my anger. Honest to god. So my education is what's stopping me from ''throwing out a couple kids'' and the whole live happily ever after bullshit? Good to know it's not I don't know, my uncertain future, not knowing if I'll have a job, not knowing if I'll be able to take care of a a dog much less of a child, and it's certainly not the fact that moving out on my own is a fantasy that will never come true. Oh hey but let's cut women's education because who wants smart women huh? Fucking idiots.

It seems to me that the only thing missing is changing bonefires to witch burnings at the stakes because holy shit we're going back to the middle ages. And you know what's the worst part? That all my ramblings are like howling to the moon. The younger population couldn't care less, they don't participate in politics, they don't vote they don't do shit and then these old idiots that cleary lost all sense and ideas and purpose in life fuck over all our lives. I'm just done. How is it right or fair that I should live the way someone else tells me to live? Why?

I came to hate this place so much lately. Hating the people, hating the hate, hating the judgment, hating the air that I breathe, hating everything. I've been feeling like a stranger, I've been feeling out of place, I've been feeling like nobody understands me, like I can't fit in with anybody. And it's the worst feeling ever. Like you can't even breathe. So much has happened this year and it's only the end of May. And I am done, tired, can't go on like this any longer. And quite honestly in a world like this one is turning out to be what's the point anymore?

I don't understand blind support, blind faith, blind following something, anything. What the hell? Blid faith into anything will get you killed. I understand support and I understand devotion and all the other crap but I don't get fanatics, obsessions, people acting like rabid dogs if you dare saying you don't agree with them. When did we become this hostile? When did we start thinking that anyone that doesn't share our opinion is the enemy.

To end this post before it gets too angry because yes I'm in a mood I'll just share words of wisdom, or should I say lyrics of wisdom that Mr. Axl Rose (and also Slash, Mckagan and Stradlin) shared back in the 1991. He gets it. People think he's an idiot, and talk shit about him, but he's no fool and he gets it.

Look at your young men fighting, look at your women crying, look at your young men dying the way they've always done before. Look at the hate we're breeding, look at the fear we're feeding, look at the lives we're leading the way we've always done before.

My hands are tied the billions shift from side to side and the wars go on with brainwashed pride for the love of God and our human rights, and all these things are swept aside by bloody hands time can't deny and are washed away by your genocide, and history hides the lies of our civil wars.

D'you wear a black armband when they shot the man who said "peace could last forever"? And in my first memories they shot Kennedy, I went numb when I learned to see, so I never fell for Vietnam we got the wall of D.C. to remind us all that you can't trust freedom when it's not in your hands, when everybody's fightin' for their promised land.

And I don't need your civil war, it feeds the rich while it buries the poor, your power hungry sellin' soldiers in a human grocery store, ain't that fresh, I don't need your civil war, oh no.

Look at the shoes you're filling, look at the blood we're spilling, look at the world we're killing the way we've always done before. Look in the doubt we've wallowed, look at the leaders we've followed, look at the lies we've swallowed and I don't want to hear no more.

My hands are tied for all I've seen has changed my mind but still the wars go on as the years go by with no love of God or human rights. 'Cause all these dreams are swept aside by bloody hands of the hypnotized who carry the cross of homicide and history bears the scars of our civil wars.

I don't need your civil war it feeds the rich while it buries the poor, your power hungry sellin' soldiers in a human grocery store, ain't that fresh, I don't need your civil war.

Whaz so civil 'bout war anyway?

GN'R - Civil war

P.S. Vsem ostalim mladim, ki še imajo vsaj kanček pameti in sposobnosti mišljenja z lastno pametjo pa želim srečn 25 maj. Mal več take mladine k je bla takrat ko je SKOJ uvedu ta praznik pa bi nam blo vsem življenje lepše tut danes. Just sayin.

This song saved my life.

''I wanna start letting you know this because of you my life has a purpose, you helped me be who I am today I see myself in every word you say. Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me, trapped in a world where everyone hates me, there's so much that I'm going through I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.

I was broken, I was choking, I was lost, this song saved my life. I was bleeding, stopped believing, could have died, this song saved my life. I was down, I was drowning but it came on just in time, this song saved my life.''

Today there's no record. First because the band I chose to write about only has one album released on vinyl and I don't have it. *gasps* what horror huh? Hah. No but really it does suck. I hate not having it. But I do have CD's (each one of them bought in a different country mind you). And a shit ton of love for them. So I sat here thinking should I preach you on my views how loving two people at the same time is a thing and can happen and it doesn't mean that you love one of them less or more just different? But then I realized what's the point?I said before that this blog should be positive reflecting on things I care about, things I'm passionate about, things I love. And that is what I will do.

Right dear family, before we get into it, just a quick warning, these were the posts all my readers hated on my other blog, so you might want to walk away now, but if you keep on reading, don't say you haven't been warned...

You know that song From the rooftops by Bowling for soup? I think that song describes my relationship perfectly, but there's a line in it ''She’s got another guys name tattooed on her ass''. I can tell you that that line relates to me and this specific band I'll write about just now more then perfectly. Berlin. 3 AM. Tattoo shop. Very drunk. It seemed like a smart idea at the time. What did I know? I was 16 years old convinced that someday we're going to get married. Stupid. But I don't know one of my fondest memories these days. Life was a mess back then too but it was better in so many ways. So then...

You know I actually remember the first moment I fell in love with Simple plan? Back in the day when Mtv made sense? Yes kids, I'm old. Mtv used to be good. I was about 11 years old, sitting on my dad's old couch in his office watching random music videos when something new came on. I see this guy sitting on a bridge and a backed up road with the band playing in the middle of it, and the lyrics that just screamed about my frustration with the entire world. ''Welcome to my life'' really described perfectly how I felt. It was love at first sight. Let's not get into this whole ''emo'' vibe David was oozing or Sebastiens perfect guitar. Love love love.

They were the first band that got me into this pop punk music scene, because of them there's so much good music in my life today. Yes I love old rock, hair metal most, but there's a huge part of me dedicated to punk rock music. Simple plan, All time low, Green day, Blink 182, Neck deep, the list goes on and on.

But Simple plan are something concrete, a constant if you will in my life. I've been through hell and back a few times in the past 10+ years and they were always there to make me feel better, to show me that I am not alone and to make life easier. You know how nice it feels when you feel like the whole world is against you but then there's a song, a singer, a band that understands you? Who's lyrics say everything you couldn't, or were too scared to say?

Have you ever felt completly lost? Like you'll never find your way again? I have. More then once. I still do. Have you ever felt so broken that you thought you'd never heal again? That there are just pieces of you that are too small or just gone and can't be put together again? I have. I do. All the time. Pain pain pain. It never stops. All my life I was the girl that never mattered, ignored, pushed aside or replaced, by too many people to count, by friends, by family. And to be fair deep down I still am that girl. I get mistreated a lot, I get hurt a lot. And this is where my favorite band comes in (yes, you read that right, no matter how obsessed I am with GN'R or Boss or Crue, my ''favorite band throne'' belongs to Simple plan and nobody will throw them off of it).

Over the years, over all the lonliness when I felt like I couldn't confide in anyone they were the only thing to give me comfort. They taught me to have less regrets, to take chances, because they might as well be the only ones you'll get, to laugh, to enjoy life with the ones you love and that if you fall down it's not the end of the world, true hero is the one that falls up nine times and gets up ten. They taught me to learn from my mistakes but not let them define me. They as people and their music as my inspiration made my life so much better, so special and so different. Everyone of them made a difference and without them I wouldn't be half the person I am today because I'd still be that scared little girl with no idea how to get up and fight for what I believe in, for what I want.

If you're religious you'll understand, you have your faith in God, I have my faith in music, completly different but yet just the same. It gives me comfort, it makes me see the world differently. Less dark, less depressing and less meaningless. Thing is when life was literally the worst for me, catastrophe after catastrophe their music helped, and just as it did before it is now. I've been going through some things recently, rough things, painful things, things that would make a sane person go insane, and the only reason I am not yet insane is them. I am stronger because of them. They are fighting the same demons as I am.

They are my inspiration, behind my work, behind my lyrics when I still wrote them, for my drawings, for my photography. They made me look at life and certain things completly differently, they showed me so many things that are wrong with the world that I had no idea about, they inspired me to get active to help people, animals, those that I can as much as I can. Of course that also got me in trouble with the law but let's be honest, nothing good is ever legal. Changes for the good are always crazy, if public vote had the power to change anything it would be illegal. Today I don't care about my ''run in with the law'' I can say I'm proud of it really. I got up and spoke up for those that can't and I would do it again.

It's been years of fangirling before I could see them live. And I remember it like it was yesterday. God I was nervous. It was in Austria and I was there for a couple of days, the morning before the show? I put salt in my coffee, removed my eye makeup with acetone instead of makeup remover, ripped my shoelace and swalloved my gum. Talking about a recipe for disaster huh? Let's not even get into the fact that I planned my outfit for a month before the show and I realized I forgot the right clothes at home. Jesus fucking christ what a mess. Everyone was like, it's just clothes, it's just a show, the band won't be looking at you. But it's not about that at all is it? I wasn't trying to impress the band. I was freaking out because of me, because I couldn't comprehend that I will actually see my heros live standing on that stage.

To this day I can't describe the raw emotion. There was so much happiness, so much love, so much of it all. So many tears too. I shared the love for this band with my best friend. Seeing them live was something we said we will do together but we never got the chance to do it. Maybe that's why going alone was so hard for me, maybe that's why it took me so long. But at the end I couldn't be happier I did it. The show was perfect. All of their shows I saw were perfect. And I literally was that fan that ''camps'' in front of the venue for hours waiting for the doors to open to be in the front row. Each time. And it was so worth it you know. The band up close. The personal contact, the smiles...so worth it. It's been a while since I saw them live though, I missed out on their anniversary tour, don't ask, this blog can not hold that much misery if I start talking about it now. Or about one of the members struggle with depression, the near thought that he's hurting is literally killing me. So much more when I know that there is nothing we can do about it. Only show him love and support on social media. Which btw I do. A lot. While we're at it; Ça fait longtemps que tu es parti, mais tu es plus important pour nous que tout nous nous t'attendrons jusqu'à ce que tu sois prêt, reste fort, e sais que tu peux combattre ça. Je t'aime tellement.

I won't be writing music reviews because everything I say is biased. I love the band too much so commenting on their songs wouldn't make much sense. Except that one with Juliet Simms on their last album. That one I hate, which might as well have something to do with me hating Juliet Simms. Anyways. There aren't words to thank the band for all they did to me, for all the light in all my darkest days, for making me who I am, for changing my life to the better, for making me better by opening my world to things that matter, things I knew nothing about. For the people I met because of them, some still happy to call friends today. For showing me a different kind of love, for giving me a sense of family I didn't feel I had before (Astronauts will understand what I'm on about here). For literally pulling me off the edge I was once at, long story and not for this post. How can you thank a person that did so much for you?

They've been a part of my life for more then half of it, they'll be forever that much is clear and I wil be forever grateful and thankful for having them. For that one boring rainy day when I had nothing better to do then scroll mindlessly through tv channels and stopping on Mtv.

I love them, unconditionally, thank you boys so much for all the love, the kindness, the knowledge, happiness, good times, bad times, sadness and emotion, escape from reality, laughter, everything that you gave me through the years. Thank you for making everything okay and making me feel less alone and less afraid. And thank you for being that hero that I needed so bad. I love you.

''Sometimes I feel like you've known me forever, you always know how to make me feel better, because of you my dad and me are so much closer than we used to be. You're my escape when I'm stuck in this small town, I turn you up whenever I feel down. You let me know like no one else that it's okay be myself.

I was broken, I was choking, I was lost, this song saved my life. I was bleeding, stopped believing, could have died, this song saved my life. I was down, I was drowning but it came on just in time, this song saved my life.

You'll never know what it means to me. That I'm not alone, that I'll never have to be.''

Simple plan - This song saved my life

''The sun will shine on us again.''

Well, obviously I'm still alive after watching the Infinity war. Barely. Seriously, guys if you don't want spoilers or if you're not a Marvel fan then stop reading, like now. This is probably going to turn into an angry rant pretty damn fast...walk away while you still can.

While I appreciated all the funny Thor and Cap scenes that by the way saved the movie, can I just say that Thanos is one big ugly bully that needs to be exterminated. I will never be okay with all the deaths in this movie and I will certainly NEVER be okay with killing of Bucky Barnes. He was my favorite from the moment I saw him, fine maybe my abigtoobigofacrush on Sebastian Stan played a key part in that but still! I like the character and said characted deserved better, don't even get me started on Peter Parker seriously what the shit? Not cool Marvel, not cool. Get your shit together. I literally sat in the theatre looking those credits roll thinking ''well, shit, that's a lot of people that hurt me''.

But that's like not even the worst part, you know what's worse? The Russo brothers those god damn idiots responsible for this mess. See the movie ends on a horrible and emotional cliffhanger and they say that it's not a part one? That the next one will not be a part two then? What will it be? A sick joke maybe? And since that isn't enough they got the balls to joke about Tom Hiddleston being too old to play Loki and saying that Thor is to blame for the ending of IW? Uh how about no? You two idiots are to blame. You ended the movie the way you did not Thor and I will fight anyone that doesn't agree. I clearly have 99 problems right now and all 99 are Infinity war and too many feelings. Life of a fangirl huh? It's never easy.

See this is why I came to the perfect solution...instead of investing so much into movies that do nothing but rip out my heart and put it in a fucking blender I'll stay with animated movies, better, nobody dies there and it just so happens that part three of my favorite is coming out soon. So in that spirit, something I'd like to share...

2012

2015

2018

Can I just say that I really miss my 2012 hair? Yeah...

Your lips should come with a warning.

Midnight knock, on the front door let you in, we don't talk, kiss for kiss, we trade this rush again, We can't stop.

Yea there's something so narcotic about how bad I want it, forget about the price of the pain, I'm just a junky for the fix, even though it hits like a gun shot the next day.

Your lips should come with a warnin', your touch should have a red light, there's a hard crash comin' in the mornin' on the bright side of this high, yea that's the side effects of trying to mix love and what we do, that's the side effects of me and you.

Last goodbye, was so damn good, I need it one last time, yea that's the thing about addicted, you swear you're gunna kick it, till the kiss pulls you back in the flame.

Your lips should come with a warnin', your touch should have a red light, there's a hard crash comin' in the mornin' on the bright side of this high, yea that's the side effects of trying to mix Love and what we do, thats the side effects of me and you.

Your lips should come with a warnin', by now you'd think that I would know your touch should have a red light, but I still want it every night.

Dallas Smith - Side effects