This is probably the 50th time I'm attempting to write this blog. Well any blog. It's not about the specific theme, it's about me. I'm the issue. Lets pretend I get it done this time. It's hard to get anything done with the screaming in my house which is only getting worse and worse. I don't know when things shifted and we started ''hating'' each other so much. People tell me ''you're not an island, you can't be alone and isolated'' but really, that's all I crave. And unless Henry Cavill, David Garrett or Tom Cruise magically decide they're hoplessly in love with me, I just don't want to be bothered. Any and all human interaction these days is just not worth it no more. Many things have lost it's meaning. Sometimes it feels like life all together lost it's meaning.
I don't honestly understand what's wrong with people, if I felt alienated before that feeling is ten or twenty or fifty times worse now. It's not just that I don't fit in anywhere, it's also that I can't seem to be on the same page, hell same chapter or even in the same book with anyone. How do people still meet people? How do you talk to them? I don't know how to comunicate or connect no more, whatever I say / do it's wrong. So I tend to be silent at all times, minding my own business, because that's what I was taught at home, because each time I open my mouth it's met with screaming, sit down and shut up ''zitti e buoni'' right? It's a lonely place being completely alone even when there's people around you.
It's one of those days when I just feel like sadness has creeped into every inch of my body and soul. I don't even know why, probably the result of the past years, things continiously spiraling downwards, constantly battling headaches that never want to fuck off, stress, anxiety, loss, life. Sigh.
But all that angst aside how about some exciting things? I'm basically babbling over here to take a step away from my obsessions, like the Rock of ages movie. I've seen it a million times and here I am falling right back into that rabbit hole. Going feral for Tom in a role of a rockstar. Please Tom, for the love of everything holy, slam me down on that pool table and choke me so we can be done with it. That man is FINE okay. And let me just say this much, House of the dragon isn't doing me any big favours either. Y'all know I have problems with blond men as is and those Targaryen men? Um. Yes. Fuck yes. How old is Matt Smith btw? Any of you guys know? Probably too old for me but well...
Let me point out here how nice my friends are. This is a direct quote from one of them the other day ''please, Nikki doesn't want a boyfriend, Nikki wants a fictional man, with a sharp jawline, a sarcastic smirk, daddy issues and a tragic backstory.'' I mean he was not wrong if we're being honest. With my track record of men I DO like...yeah...
In also other news, Titanic is coming back to our movies and I shrieked. You guys know me you know that the one thing I always wanted is to see all my favourite classics on big screen. Hasn't happened yet with Top Gun, Grease, Dirty dancing, Cry baby, Hocus Pocus, Footloose, Jurassic park, INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE etc...but BUT it is happening next month with Titanic. Y'all may feel bad for the poor sucker being forced to go with me. Though between us, he may end up the one crying at the end. Now in order to celebrate this here's a little Leo DiCaprio doodle for you guys. How cute was he in this movie?
Not really the blog post I wanted to write, but at least it's something right? I'll be back sooner I hope, with a book review, of something really cute. Idk what happened but I don't read blood and gore and fantasy no more...sigh. Or maybe you'll get a write up of the suffering at the movies. That'll probably be an experience in it's own. Lol.
