Live wire.

Plug me in, I'm alive tonight out on the streets again. Turn me on, I'm too hot to stop something you'll never forget. Take my fist break down walls, I'm on top tonight. No, no, you better turn me loose, you better set me free. Cause I'm hot, young, running free a little bit better than I use to be. Cause I'm alive, live Wire. Cause I'm alive, I'm a Live Wire.

Ah the joys of spring cleaning. I can't remember how much furniture I moved, how much water or cleaning suplies I used or how fucked up my hands and nails are right now. The feeling of a clean house is pretty amazing I give you that, but achieving it is pretty damn annoying. Come on, wouldn't be a monday if I didn't complain about something. Cleaning and studying just isn't my cup of tea. When you're too tired to go out and have some fun...well then you know you have a problem. When the hell did I get so old? Hah. I did manage a little ninety minute break in between to get a drink *bless JD and coke* and a quick sketch...

''Longing, Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak, Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One, Freight Car. Soldier?''

"Ready to comply"

Here's something I haven't bitched about yet. Captain America going all Hydra. Oh my god Marvel have you lost your fucking mind? Cap would rather die then be a Nazi. Here's what I have to say about it. Fuck Nick Spencer. And fuck Stan Lee who let this happen. The man was like my fucking hero and now...I just...there's hardly words. I don't remember last time I was this disappointed in anything. Bucky would probaby get out of that cyro in 0.000000001 seconds just to punch the stupid out of the both of them. How dare they? I am outraged, pissed the fuck off, mad, angry, furious, disappointed...and there's probably more emotions that I can't even pinpoint right now. Fuck them and fuck all of you who support hydra cap. Unfollow me, unfriend me and never talk to me again. Please and thank you.

Now to more exciting topics...

I might end up this post in tears. No joke. First all that Marvel crap and then...I have a really hard time dealing with Crue being done. Yeah yeah life goes on I get it. Only really want them to be happy. But that doesn't mean I can't cry, mope and complain about it now does it?

Here's the deal. I love Too fast for love. Absolutely love it. I think it's one of their best, right next to Dr. Feelgood and completly overlooked. Why? Because it's the first one? I don't know. If I'm not mistaking I think this was first released independently then remixed and released by Elektra in the same year. Pretty sure they were the only heavy metal, glam metal, band on their label at the time. Unfortunally they didn't make it big till later when Shout at the devil was released. Yet Too fast for love kinda remains a fan fav I think. The songs on it are more raw, punk, they have some classic Crue sound but it's less ''polished'' then the rest and I actually love that about it. Listening to this album, the first album, you can really hear how young and hungry and ready to take on the whole damn world the band really is. Like I adore Nikki, he's amazing as a person, as a musician and above all as a songwriter. He has mad skills and I love everything he writes. But I'd be lying if I said that some songs don't sound a bit...mainstream? Or I don't know like he's trying too hard. He really doesn't have to, like I said he's amazing. But see here on Too fast for love the songs are real, alive, genuine, pure fucking danger and they come straight from the heart. Then you've got Mick and Tommy, come on they were just kids yet their playing is amazing. Pure fucking sex the way they play. And Vince. Oh Vince. I always love that voice but there's something about Live Wire that I just...love so much. So so much. It's fun it's fast it's fucking aggressive it's totally awesome and the best song to start a record with. All the rest are amazing or as we'd say it ''it's all killer and no filler''. Heh. Merry go round annoys me a little, it's repetive but you know it's still a good song. And I love that it ends with On with the show. I love it, how it starts kinda slow and builds up to a heavier pace, not to mention the lyrics ''Frankie died just the other night some say it was suicide but we know how the story goes''...

There you go I think I love their first album above all the rest, except Feelgood that is. It's a great album, most edgy, genuine, punkish, rock, glam metal at it's finest. It's a young type of Crue some people don't know or don't remember but it's honestly amazing. It's one of my favorites anyone would enjoy. Guys if you're into 70's glam rock or metal kinda like Kiss but better ha ha or even punk and stuff go get it. You'll love it I promise.

My copy came from Milan Italy. It's so hard getting first press or even new releases here. We've got one store that sells about 90 vinyls on a good day. I have more myself. Lol. Not to mention the ones they sell are either crap or I already own them. So there's that. But yeah, my copy came from Milan, that yellow sticker was driving me half mad. I did some research and aparently ''Charter line'' was a low budget label that's why the record has no inner sleeve as you can see. That is also driving me crazy. Ha ha. But to be honest, the record is in near mint condition, plays amazing with no surface sound so I really can't complain.

I'll either break her face or take down her legs, get my ways at will. Go for the throat never let loose goin' in for the kill. Take my fist break down walls I'm on top tonight.

Come on baby gotta play with me, well I'm your live wire, you better lock your doors I'm on the prowl tonight, well be mine tonight.

Yeah you such a badass baby, you walk the wire and you play with fire.

Hey bro, take it slow you ain't livin' in a video, you're flying low with a high velocity. No doubt, you're stressin' out, that ain't what rock n' roll's about. Get off that one way trip down lonely street.

Now I know you've been kicked around you ain't alone in this ugly town. You stick a needle in your arm, you bite the dust, you buy the farm...

I had a really tough week. Really tough. A lot has been happening. I was all over the place, my emotions were all over the place. I felt like I'll go insane. Maybe partly I am. There's no other explanation. Either everyone around me is or I am. I know I know shut up. But you know what pulled me back together when things were really hard?

This song did...

It's excatly how I felt and it's excatly the kick in the ass I needed. Of course everything is going to be alright. Of course things get tough sometimes but that's no reason to give up. It's a reason to fight harder. I still believe that if you want something bad enough and you're willing to work for it you can have it someday. The sky is the fucking limit fuck everyone who tells you you can't do it.

I also came to another realization. I've been selling myself short all my fucking life. What for? I mean what the fuck is the matter with me? Isn't it enough that other people keep putting me down then I have to do it myself as well? Uh oh honey no more. It took me forever but I realized the only one who needs to believe in me is me. And I realized I should never settle or stay somewhere because I'm comfortable. I don't want to be comfortable. I want to live and experience things. Good ones, bad ones, it's all a part of life. And most important I realized is that I am enough. I deserve someone who will fight for me. I deserve someone who will love me as much as I love them, someone who will care, see all the good parts in me that I sometimes fail to see. I deserve respect and fuck I deserve to be somebody's first choice. I deserve someone who will not give up and walk out on me when things get hard. I know that. And I want that. I will not settle for anything less because why should I? Life is too short to spend it in lousy company or god forbid with someone who doesn't love you.

Another thing I also learned just recently that I want to share with you guys. If friends don't treat you right. Fuck them. There's plenty other people out there. You don't need to be around people that make you feel uncomfortable, that use you, that are never there for you. Don't miss them, you're not missing out. Life has better plans for you. I used to drive myself crazy over this but now thanks to my hero, Mr. Axl Rose I learned an important lesson. There's two types of people on this planet, those who like me and those who can kindly fuck off. He is absolutely right. Why the fuck should I stress myself? I rather focus my attention on people who are worth it.

Then there's another thing that's been driving me mad. There's this asshole giving me a speech how feminism is making him uncomfortable. Like bitch are you fucking kidding me? I couldn't care less if feminism is making you uncomfortable when men make me uncomfortable on a daily basis. Do you think I wear shorts to get cat calls, whistles, disgusting comments? No I wear them because it's fucking hot. Not for your viewing pleasure. Women are not sexual objects get that into your thick skulls will you? This has been driving me mad for such a long time. Why are we slut shaming women instead of teaching men how to respect them? The fuck is that about? You know what? Enough. I'll just get pissed off if I go here again. And I've been stressed enough lately. Don't need no more stress in my life.

When is life ever that easy? Of course it isn't. I thought about some stuff. How far we've fallen. This country I mean. Our future. Our economy, our jobs...I'm almost 24 and I have no fucking idea what I want to do with my life. I mean I have dreams, I have goals and I will fight for them but all that aside. I have no fucking idea what to do. Then it hit me. All I really want is to finish school, the sooner the better. The job I get might not be my dream job but I'll enjoy it anyways. This job pays enough to cover everything I might need, along with art, music, concerts, travel...my bills are never overdue, money is not a thought in my head. I am not stressing about it everyday. I have a place to live, so do my dogs or cats, or both. It's a nice, cosy place, decorated just the way I like it and it's mine. Maybe I have some plants and neighbors I actually like.My bookshelves are always full so are my record cabinets. I have some time to read, draw, paint, photograph, enjoy music at the end of the day. I meet up with friends over the weekends, we take time off, we travel, we see concerts together. We've got time and money to do it. They love me, I love them, there's no backstabbing, no using, no lies, no bullshit. Just love. There's no violence in the world, no wars, no hate. Just love. I can travel wherever I want, without worrying something might happen. I see new places, meet new people, experience new culture. I learn and grow. I am independent, content and above all I am free.

This is all I want from life. All I'd ever want from life. And it's so fucked up that the basic things every human being deserves are things we end up dreaming about because they seem so far out of reach. It's crazy isn't it?

Well let's finish this on a high note. Here's a little piece I did this past week. The one and only King of Rock n Roll, Elvis Presley. I love him, he's brilliant, he's the King. Nobody will ever be like him or even up to his ankles. And don't you dare fight me on this. You will loose.

Enjoy your weekend guys. I know I will. NOT. Spring cleaning and studying. Not sure which one makes me want to put a bullet in my skull more. *sigh*...If you're out there partying, drinking, having fun...do it for me as well, please. Stay safe, take care of one another. See y'all on monday!

C'mon girl, it's a better day get your foot out of that grave, don't let that one love tear your world apart... C'mon babe, kick that stuff show the street it ain't so tough, quit lyin' around with a crippled, broken heart.

Now I know you've been seeing red don't put a pistol to your head, sometimes your answer's heaven sent, your way is so damn permanent.

Lift your head up high and scream out to the world, I know I am someone and let the truth unfurl. No one can hurt you now because you know what's true. Yes, I believe in me so you believe in you.

I can't lie lie lie lie lie lie, I wanna wanna wanna get get get what I want, don't stop, give me give me give me what you got got, cause I can't wait wait wait any more more more more...Don't even talk about the consequence cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me and I don't give a damn what they say, what they think think, cause you're the only one who's on my mind, I'll never ever let you leave me, I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye.

I feel so untouched and I want you so much that I just can't resist you, it's not enough to say that I miss you. I feel so untouched right now need you so much somehow, I can't forget you, been going crazy from the moment I met you.

See you, breathe you, I want to be you. You can take take take take take time time to live live the way you gotta gotta live your life. Give me give me give me all of you you, don't be scared, I'll see you through the loneliness of one more more more. Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around to answer all the questions left behind. And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today you've still got me to hold you up up and I will never let you down.

Have you ever been in love? And I mean really in love. When the near thought of being without that person is killing you? When you feel like seeing them with someone else will kill you. When suddenly nothing else matters but them. That feeling you get like the whole world melts away when you're with them. That feeling like you're high when you look into their eyes and they smile. When you feel like you can't even breathe without them anymore. Yeah that kinda love. Crazy kinda love. I don't think we should crave madness. We should crave passion, adventure, loyalty. We should crave stability, the feeling of having someone to pick us up from the ground if we stumble down. Someone to make us feel wanted, loved, needed. Someone who is there no matter what, through good times and bad. Someone you know you can lean on. Someone who loves you just as much as you love them. We all deserve that. To love and be loved just the same. I will never understand manipulation, lies and playing with someone's feelings. What do you get out of it? What kind of sick satisfaction does hurting someone else give you? Why do you enjoy breaking someone's heart? I don't understand human interaction at all. Why are there so many lies? Why is there so much hate? Why is there so much greed? Why are people so awful? I don't know I just don't understand certain things. This is why music is perfect. It has no limits, knows no age, gender, sexual orientation, hate...it's strong, it's powerful, it unites people. Music has the power to do pretty much anything if we just listen and I love that about it.

I don't do pop music. Like at all. The near thought of it makes me shiver. In a bad way. But I always had and always will love Michael Jackson. He's a pure genious. The songs, the lyrics, the show and dance moves. Perfection. I think Thriller was one of if not the highest selling album of all times, selling 47 million copies worldwide. Pretty impressive if you think of it that way. This is why even if you don't like pop you have to respect Jackson. This album is amazing, it's a little bit of everything, pop, rock, rnb some dance music...Wanna be startin something is a fast disco type song and a perfect opening to this record. Not to mention the amazing duet The girl is mine with none other then Paul McCartney. That song never failed to amaze me. If you put it on, close your eyes and just listen you can really see both singers amazing vocal talents. It kinda gives of the feeling like the Beatles are passing on their torch to Michael Jackson as the next biggest star. I mean of course the Beatles and MJ are two very differet things but they are both mega stars. Then you've got Thriller which come on it's a classic. My mother told me once how excited they all were about the music video comming out. Aparently it was the first video that had as much acting and as much money spent in that time. I can't imagine what it's like waiting for a music video premiere on Mtv. And that's mostly because I can't imagine Mtv playing good music. Haven't seen an artist worth watching on it for years. Everyone can be a singer on tv these days. Christ. Anyways back to the record. Beat it is one of my favorite songs it's catchy it's fast it's fun and not to mention Eddie Van Halen plays guitar on it. I love that the last record is a slow song. I feel like this album really turned the music industry on it's head. Come on it literally started Mtv. Even if people ruined it today. It brought MJ fame not even he could handle. It's such a tragic story to be honest. From the whole fake child molesting stories to the very end. I hate what they did to him and how they treated him. Anyways putting all this aside the music is amazing. It was amazing then it's amazing now. Nobody can deny MJ's legend status. He was the ONLY true King of pop and he will remain the only true King of pop. Yes I'm looking at you Kanye. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. There's just one MJ and you are nothing comparing to him. This album, even if 30+ years old it's amazing. An absolute Thriller.

They're out to get you, better leave while you can don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man. You wanna stay alive, better do what you can, so beat it, just beat it.

You have to show them that you're really not scared, you're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare. They'll kick you, then they beat you, then they'll tell you it's fair, so beat it, but you wanna be bad.

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it, no one wants to be defeated, showin' how funky strong is your fight, it doesn't matter who's wrong or right. Just beat it, beat it.

Hell is what you make it.

''This whole damn world can fall apart you'll be OK, follow your heart. You're in harm's way, I'm right behind now say you're mine.

Don't let go I feel the music in you. Fly high what's real can't die, you only get what you give, you're gonna get what you give don't give up, just don't be afraid to live.''

If you think I am not still moping around about AC DC in Austria last night you are highly mistaking. I would give anything to see Ax preform with them live. And that's saying something if you consider that I'm not even a fan of AC DC besides like a few songs. It had to be amazing. He is one of my top favorite singers on the planet. Not to mention he literally is one of the best vocalists on the planet...*deep sigh* oh well what's done is done. No point in drowning in self pitty now. Maybe I get the chance to see Ax real soon anyways. From this keyboard into god's ears haha. But you know nothing in life is easy so this is not the only ''dramatic'' thing I dealt with this week. My math problem is still alive and kicking my ass on a daily basis now on top of that I get another one. A design problem. Can you imagine I actually have problems with art? This one occured because I was supposed to use fancy pretty handwriting. Well I suck at those. I suck at any handwriting really. It starts with the problem of keeping the letters in a straight like on a blank paper and it goes from there. Why do we have printers and computers if not for that? Is there anyone out there writing invitations and posters in fucking curved bullshit handwriting like monotype corsiva? Really? Jesus christ. If you exist can you come save my ass and write some stuff down for me? Just like song lyrics and such. Bitch said poetry but let's pretend this is ''modern poerty''...hah. If I'm forced to do it I might as well write down lyrics that mean something to me. Ah the frustration. I am honestly getting fucking drunk to celebrate after I'm done with all of this. And a tattoo. Yeah sounds like a plan. Huge milestones should be celebrated right no?

You know what really pisses me off? I have so much art to do for school and I hate it. Absolutely hate it. They put you in a little box. You gotta do this, you gotta do that, and you have to do it excatly this way. There is no creative freedom. And I can't stand that. Art is about expressing yourself so how the hell can I express myself this way? And I hate it because it's not me at all. These projects, drawings, sketches are something I'd never do, things I'm not even good at. And I hate that I have no time for my actual art. I draw to relax, to get things of my mind, to forget, to get lost in my work and I absolutely hate that I can't do it right now. I feel like...I don't even know. Angry, frustrated, so done with everything and everyone. And I can't place it. I don't know why or what's making me feel this way. Maybe it's all the work, maybe it's the stress all this is causing. Maybe it's that things seem to always go wrong lately. Maybe it's everything. I'll personally thank all the saints there's alcohol and music on this planet. I am not sure where or what I'd be without it. There's no therapy like ''The Boss''. Can't wait for the actual therapy in July. Can't wait to be on that stadium again. Can't wait to hear 60 000 people screaming and singing along again. I crave that feeling. I crave that adrenaline. I crave that freedom. I crave that ''medicine''. ''I need a shot again, that sweet adrenaline''.

In the mean time, I managed to avoid any and all spoilers for the new Captain America movie, finally seeing it tomorrow. Can you believe how long I had to wait? Christ. That can't be healthy. But I'm super excited! Geek. I know.

Alright one last thing. I want to share a drawing I did recently. When I still had time...It god so much positive review you wouldn't believe. The funny part is it was actually just a quick sketch. I wasn't planning on drawing it out at all. I started it because I was bored, and I liked how it turned out so I decided to share but seriously my phone blew up with notifications. Hah. So I guess I'm real proud of this one not going to lie.

It's Steven Adler in case you haven't figured it out by now. Shocker huh? Alright. I'm going to put on some Skid Row and forget about the world for a bit. There's too much on my mind as is. Have a great weekend guys. Stay safe, party hard, forget about the world for a bit. Get lost somewhere. Have fun. It's healthy.

Stick to your guns.

So you want to be the big time some people have to drag you down. There's no living in the backseat if you're gonna drive through town. And when you pray for independence, boy, you better stand your ground.

You got to give it all you got now or you might get shot down, fight hard until the battle is won.

What would you guys say it's the best way to handle stress? By figuring out what's causing it? Alright. Done that but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't erase the thing that's causing it out of my life and I sure as hell can't currently make it better. By doing what you love to do? Okay...here's the problem due to so much stress and pressure I'm currently under I can't even enjoy the things I love anymore. I feel anxious and guilty if I drop the things I'm supposed to be doing for just one minute. By managing your time well? I've never been good at that. No matter how well I divide my time there's always too little of it. I swear days should have 34 hours for me to get everything done. I honestly envy the people who have their shit together and can get everything done and even get a full night of sleep after. By learning the difference between worrying and caring. “Worrying is an attempt to exert control over the future by thinking about it,” whereas caring is taking action...or so I heard. A psychologist wrote a fairly good example of this “If you are away from home for a week, you can worry about your houseplants every single day and still return home to find them brown and wilted. Worrying is not watering.” Stressing over things you can do nothing about is silly I know but how do you turn it off? I tend to worry about the stupidest things. Things that aren't even mine to worry about. It's easy to say you don't care, it's easy pretending while it's eating at you on the inside. Maybe you can reduce stress by embracing mistakes? Or at least if you stop suffocating yourself with perfectonism. I curse the artist in me because if things aren't perfect they aren't good enough for me and I hate that about myself. Mistakes are healthy, you learn from them and yet I do my very best to avoid them. Which is probably not the best thing I could be doing. Maybe I should just say fuck it and take a couple wrong turns? Maybe you're supposed to get lost sometimes. What do I know right? I was clearly not made to be an adult...

Maybe I should just stick to the only therapy I know works best...

This must be my favorite Bon Jovi album, I mean I like pretty much all of their music but New Jersey is my favorite. Slippery when wet is such a good record but this one...holy shit. I am so in love with Lay your hands on me as is but when you put this record on and it starts with that beat...if I close my eyes I feel like I'm back at the stadium and there's 60 000 people screaming with me. I can hear them, I can see the band, I get so lost in the memory. It's amazing. One of my fondest memories. Then you've got Bad medicine which is such a fun song ''hold on, wait a minute, I gotta do it again'' hah. And Torres is quite impressive on it. And then there's the classics like Born to be my baby and I'll be there for you and Living in sin. Such great songs to be honest. I don't even remember when I first started listening to this band. It's been years...it was always playing in my mothers car along with Guns n' Roses. And I always loved it. But I don't think Runaway was what really hooked me I think it was actually Living on a prayer. How cliche the bands biggest hit. I know. But despite everything Living on a prayer is an amazing song nobody can't deny that. I've seen them live twice and both times Living on a prayer though the last song was my favorite moment. Both times the fans did the song justice screaming it so loud I couldn't even hear the band anymore and it was such an amazing moment. Standing couple of meters away from the stage, with 60 000 people around you, screaming those lyrics as loud as they can back to the band...I can't put it into words what an amazing feeling that really is. The show in Milan was an amazing show, Jon was getting so much shit after Sambora left and I know at the end of the day it was toughest on him. He didn't just loose a band member but also a friend and people bitching at him and returning tickets on that tour really pissed me off. That's why I was so happy when Italy went above and beyond to show him the support he deserved. And I've seen the Boss and I've seen the Stones but Bon Jovi in Milan will remain my favorite gig forever. It was amazing. I love all the songs on this album, I love the biggest hits obviously but I gotta say my favorite song is Stick to your guns, putting Jon's cowboy obsession aside this song is perfect, it's about standing your ground, it's about not backing down even if you're scared and even if things get hard. Hell I'm about ready to give up many times, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I had enough, and sometimes I just can't take it no more. But I never do. This might sound stupid but I don't give up because I don't want to disappoint my ''heroes''. The people I look up to. Hey it might be a dumb fucking reason but it keeps me going when things get hard. I guess at the end of the day my music does in fact inspire me to be better and to do better. What inspires you guys? Art? Poetry? Music? Love? Something else? Feel free to leave a comment or email me if you're shy. I'd love to hear it. Mondays suck and I wish I could have another weekend after the weekend to get some sleep but when was life ever that easy? Well have a good week, take care of one another, stay safe and I'll see you on friday!

Stick to your guns ain't nobody gonna hurt you, baby, you can go for the trigger but only if you have to. Aim from the heart some will love and some will curse you, baby, and you can go to war, but only if you have to.

Well, you know that I been through it I got the scars to prove it, fight hard and the Battle is yours.

Baby I was born to break your heart.

So everyone around me is freaking out over Friday the 13th today and I'm just over here like...

Why are people afraid of a day? Or the number 13. Or black cats for that matter. God forbid a black cat crossing your path on the Friday the 13th. I find it so stupid, it's just a day. A day like any other really. But I did a little research of course we come to religious fools again. Aparently Jesus Christ was crucified on Friday the 13th. And lets not forget the last supper, 12 guests, Judas being the 13th and he represents betrayal. It could of course also come from the myth that was presented by Dan Brown. According to him on Friday the 13th in 1307 hundred of Knights Templar were arrested and burned all across France. Or is it as simple that people are just that damn dumb and are actually afraid of Jason? I would honestly like to know. So guys, are you supersticious? Afraid of todays date? Email me about it, I'd love to hear your reasons and fears.

Now I'm not saying I don't have irrational fears. Spiders. Don't even ask me why or how but I just can't. The thought of having them crawl on me gives me severe anxiety. And I know it's absolutely stupid. I mean what's a spider going to do? Nothing unless it's really poisonous and we don't have those here. So I suppose that Friday the 13th is the same thing? Fear of something but you don't even know what you're afraid of? Could be.

Either way I don't have much to say today, it's Friday night, I'm tired from the fucked up week I had, and I have an important meeting tomorrow morning, so do trust me when I say this, I'm going to bed early. But before I do, I want you to check out two fresh bands that I absolutely adore and think are totally amazing. So damn good.

So fucking good right? I know. Enjoy the music. Enjoy your Friday whatever it is you'll be doing and wish me luck for tomorrow. Stay safe guys, see you on monday.

For you I'm down right dangerous deadly just like drugs, baby I'm poisonous. So come on, come on and kiss the pain, my lips will leave a stain but baby you cannot stay away. Baby I was born to break your heart, baby I will tear your heart apart. I'm your evil angel with smile of a reptile, I will avenge all the tears I've cried, I was born to break your heart.

All love is real

Sometimes she cries when she's alone at night. Sometimes she weeps, when she's feelin' cold and weak. Sometimes the pain, oh, it tears her up inside, sometimes she cries, oh, yeah.

Livin', lovin', give it everything you've got, after all the heartache, maybe give love just one more shot...

I don't believe in monday blues. Not in the hungover from the weekend nor in any other way. I aint fucking stressed and depressed because it's monday. I'm stressed and depressed because of life. Sometimes it's just too much. Sometimes the pain creeps up inside every single cell of your body and messes you up inside. Sometimes I get so fucked up that I get nothing done and the anxiety only gets worse because I'm stuck in one place, wasting time. I envy people who have their lives together. People who know what they want and how to get it. People who don't worry about what others have to say and people who don't understand anxiety, depression, lonliness, pain...I envy those people. But you know what they say right? You have to fight and never give up. ''You have so many options in life, never make giving up one of them''. And that is what I'm doing. I might get knocked down a couple times but I aint ready to give up just yet. And here's what helps me most at keeping sane and fighting the good fight...

You know Appetite is one of the best rock albums ever made, which of course makes it Guns n' roses best work. But I really love both Illusions I and II. I love how it starts with the ''quiet fury'' of Civil war. Then you have 14 years which I think sounds a bit like Dust n' bones, different sound but amazing none the less. It was written and sang by Izzy and I think it's a real masterpiece. Then there's Knocking on heavens door, I'm sorry to say this but I prefer their version over Dylan's anyday. I love it, I love the solo, I love Ax's voice I love everything about it. It is absolutely perfect. Then you got Locomotive...that song is just out of this world, Slash's riffs and Ax's powerful voice mixed together in that song. Fuck me it's too perfect to be real. I also love Estranged, 9 minutes of awesome. I love the solo, I love the lyrics, I love Ax's piano playing. I love everything about it. You could be mine? Fuck yea! It's fast, it's hard, it's heavy metal at it's finest. I love it. And lets not forget about Don't cry. It's one of my favorite songs, with the original lyrics that is but I love the ones on here as well. ''I know the things you wanted they're not what you have with all the people talkin' it's drivin' you mad. If I was standin' by you, how would you feel, knowing your love's decided and all love is real''. Ax is an amazing song writer, the lyrics are just beautiful and nobody would ever give them justice like his beautiful voice does. I wonder what Don't cry would sound like if they put the two together and made it a power ballad like November rain. Point is this album is epic. When you're down and out and ready to give the fuck up and you think all fucking hope is gone you don't throw your hands up and say fuck it. Oh no, you take this album and you put on the first song on side four and just enjoy it. It's blood it's guts it's anger it's fucking emotion. See thing is Nirvana fans were kinda the terrorists and liking Guns n' roses after 93' well my older readers know what that was like right? To the rest here's what I have to say, give it a shot and actually listen to what Ax is rambling about before you call the music mindless and heartless, close your eyes and feel that Les Paul, feel the notes Slash is hitting so perfectly. All in all it's an amazing album and if you own it you should be thankful to do so because it's what music it's about, it takes you on a serious journey, it's strong, it's emotional, it's perfect. Everything you'd want in an album. Now mine is a reprint obviously. I don't have the first print which kinda pisses me off but hey I'm gritting my teeth for a completly mint version. Hah. Here's the deal the original came with a sticker that I'm really missing on my version. It says ''this album contains language which some listeners may find objectionable. They can F?!* OFF and buy something from the New Age section.'' So Ax to say something like this. Hah. Anyways, enjoy the music, give it a shot, crank it up loud because that's how it deserves to be played.

Old at heart but I'm only 28 and I'm much too young to let love break my heart. Young at heart but it's getting much too late to find ourselves so far apart.

P.S. Let me just wish Happy birthday to one of the most amazing human beings on this planet, a man I love above all others, someone without who I wouldn't be who I am today or where I am today. Happy Birthday Pierre Bouvier, you're my rock, my happiness and my strenght, thank you for everything. I love you oh so much.

Living in sin

I might have a problem. Like record addiction problem. I'm not joking right now. It's quite serious. Do you have any idea how much money I already spent? No. And you don't want to know. This is why my family asking about any and all smoking, drinking, drugs, whatever else they come up with is silly. After all the records and concert tickets I have no money left. It's insane. It will probably come to a point where I'll need some sort of rehab. I got these four this week...

I have a thing about first press. Not only it's better but most on my wish list wasn't reissued anyways. So finding records in near mint condition at a normal price gets me really excited. You know what I also hate? Scratches, scruff marks, ring wear...my friends call me vinyl nazi hah. It's really not so bad but I am a bit...uhm...precise when it comes to my records. What? Music is important to me of course I keep my records in best condition. I haven't had time to listen to these yet, been feeling sick, trying to study which proved to be extremly difficult and with a raging headache I can't enjoy them as loud as they deserve. So I've been patiently waiting.

After a week of raining there was finally some sunshine here today. Been missing warm and sunny weather so much. So I went for a longer walk despite the headache and sickness and let me tell you something. It felt great. There's nothing quite like the sun after a week of rain. Also it felt great to just lie in the grass and watch the clouds. Sometimes relaxing in the nature far away from any and all people feels so great. I don't know maybe it's me but my people tolerance lately is below zero...here's a little quick pic I have to share...

Here's to another friday where I'll stay home alone and feel sorry for myself. Sick, tired, not in the mood for any type of fun. Looks like I really am getting old huh? If this stupid sickness doesn't let go of me soon I'll snap and something will happen I promise you that much. But I suppose all is good for something. I managed to finish another drawing this week. I've done more drawings in the past two months then I did in the entire last year. Feels good. I love art, I want to do more and get better at it. Some parts at least, ears, mouths, hands. Maybe eventually I could even draw a building or a garden but let's not get ahead of ourselves, heh.

This one, Michael Malarkey, took me about nine hours to finish, technical pencil for the tiny details and a B2 graphite pencil along with the while pen and a dry eraser. I had some trouble with the eyes because of the way the face is turned. But you know I love a challenge. Except you make it an animal or nature or a city...then I don't love it. Hah. I know I know it's about time I pull myself together and do something about it. I'm such a sad excuse for an artist if I can't draw everything but just specific things. How does that work anyway? That's it. I'm getting some artist books and I will study, like I did with all the rest. How hard can it be really? Alright that would be all, I'm going back to bed and rewatching the last Supernatural episode. My god that was intense huh? Still can't believe what happened. Sick. I loved it tho, such a great episode. At the end of the season. But of course so I can live with yet another clif hanger like in Walking dead. NO I AM NOT OKAY about this. *sigh* y'all take care, hope your friday night turns out to be far better then mine. Stay safe, see you on monday.

P.S. Take a look at this totally bitchin beer bottle cap necklace I made out of Iron Maiden's beer. Fucking awesome aye.

Sweet home Alabama, where the skies are so blue.

Good morning family. Well I hope yours is, mine is anything but good. I've been feeling like hell all week and the last two days were just pure torture. I hate being sick. Well not like anyone enjoys it. Hah. Maybe if you're trying to avoid work or school then it comes in handy but right now I'm just pissed and upset and annoyed. My body doesn't seem to understand that I don't have time to be sick. I got so much work and so much school left to be done. I can't be sick right now. But since I don't really have a choice in the matter that just means staying in bed with all parts of the Hobbit, Lord of the rings, Jurassic park and Steel Panther. Shut up I love them. Maybe some Deadpool too. He's the best even if parents everywhere complain. I can't stop laughing really. They thought they're taking their kids to see just another superhero movie. Bitch it's rated R for a reason. Either way I loved the movie, it's funny. Now back to the music. Had a hard time deciding which record to put on this week but then this one won.

I spent 30 minutes photoshopping these pictures. The cover front back inside has doodles all over. Curtesy of my mother. This record used to be hers. Have I mentioned how much I hate people who draw on record covers? Like calm down there satan and put the marker down. We all know the album belongs to you no need to draw on it to prove that. Honestly if you're one of those people that like to write their name or draw on records don't talk to me, like at all. The near thought of it is giving me anxiety.

This album was bought back in 79' when it first came out. It's in a surprisingly good condition for it's age and there's no crackling on it when you listen. I think it wasn't played a lot. Nobody in my family has appreciation for any good music after all. Hah. I suppose this is kinda an ''best of'' record. A complilation of their best work. I've seen a few of those but believe me when I say this the original Gold and Platinum is still the best one. Like come on Sweet home Alabama? Makes me wanna move to Alabama no joke. I'm a country girl both at heart and country born no wonder I enjoy this song so much. And Free bird is a classic rock song I love this version so much more because it's the live version even if it's quite long, around ten minutes I believe. All songs on both records are awesome but besides the obvious two biggest hits I acutally really love Down south junkin' and Gimme three steps. Anyways if you're into classic rock, country or ''southern rock'' you'll love this one, it really is the selection of their best work and they really do sound amazing.

Now back to bed for me with movies and tv. That kinda rhymes. Guess I'm not dying yet if I'm in a joking mood huh? Heh. Take care y'all, here's to hoping your weekend goes better then mine probably will.