Do you know what it is about heartbreaks that hurts the
most? Like that Rascal Flatts song says ''what hurts the most, was being so
close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away''. Maybe it's all
the ''what ifs''. Or the fact that you imagined your life with that person,
like 10 years into the future, you saw your future with them and now it's just
blank, empty, dark, hopeless. Maybe it's when something happens, good or bad,
and all you want to do is call that person and tell them and just as you're
about to dial their number you remember you can't…can you imagine the pain when
that person who gave you the best memories is a memory? Or when people ask you
if you know them and you say ''I used to'' while a million fucking memories fly
through your mind.
How does biology explain the physical pain you feel in
your chest when you miss someone so much it hurts? I think about such things at four in the
morning, sipping coffee watching the skies change colours and listen to my
favourite playlist that includes songs that either he loves or remind me of him
and us and our memories and moments and the funny part is,…music used to touch
my soul, and coffee used to taste like magic, and now,…now everything is just
gray. What's that about?
Maybe heartbreak is watching that person hug, kiss, love
someone else. Maybe that's what kills you in the end. Feeling like you're not good enough,
like you're completely unloved and unwanted, maybe you lie to yourself that you
needed this experience and this heartbreak in order to realise you deserve
better. But do you really? What if what you had was perfect…but it just wasn't
perfect for them?
Maybe the problem is that that one person who used to be
everything to you, your entire world, center of your universe suddenly becomes everything
that is wrong with you. The person that made you feel the happiest, makes you
feel dead on the inside. Maybe this is the ultimate most painful kind of loss.
When you lose someone, because they died, it hurts like hell, but you know that
person didn't chose to leave you, you know they loved you and you know given
the chance they would stay with you but this is different. A more painful type
of loss, when someone decides to walk away, slowly melting away your soul and
making sure they burnt every single tiny piece of your heart so there's nothing
left to break anymore…maybe that's what's worse. Knowing full well they chose
someone else over you.
I guess it's true what they say, you can be in a
relationship for 2 years and feel nothing and you can also be in a relationship
for 2 weeks and feel everything. Time has nothing on love, or pain or
heartbreak.
Maybe in another life we could've made it, maybe we
could've gotten that place in the city we were looking at and maybe we'd stay
up late, barefoot in the kitchen making pancakes in our silly matching pyjamas.
Maybe we could've decorate our place with our favourite art and go to museum
dates all the time. Maybe we could've adopt that puppy we both wished we had….maybe
we could've wake up every morning just feeling lucky to be in eachothers arms,
maybe we could've be nothing but happy, but these are just dangerous thoughts
and fantasies because when all is said and done, I'm sitting here alone still
drinking coffee at 4 in the morning, listening to your favourite records and
you're not here and you love her and not me.
It's true that when you're happy you enjoy the music but
when you're sad you understand the lyrics…
In that spirit when I managed to turn off Sam Smith the
cliche that I am (sorry Sammy, you know I love you) this is pretty much the
only thing that's been spinning on my player for about a week…
I don't know much about these to be honest, save from the
fact that I love them of course. They contain so many of my favourite song and
artists. Sometimes it's nice to play a mix instead of listening to a whole
album just to hear your favourite song.
The first one starts with ''Is this love'' by Whitesnake,
which is a song I always loved. First time
I heard it live…tears, tears and more tears. Not much has changed to be honest
it's still able to stirr up emotions. David's voice is beautiful, it was
perfectly sung years back when his voice was so silky and it's perfectly sung now
with a raspy voice too. Can you imagine though, the love he sings about? A love
so strong that you just can't imagine life without that other person? When you find that someone and you just long
to be with them forever? I think that's what the song is about, endless love, a
conection so strong nothing and nobody would break. ''I can feel my love for
you growing stronger day by day, an' I can't wait to see you again so I can
hold you in my arms…'' yeah that feeling.
Another song on side one is ''Keep on loving you'' by REO
speedwagon. Not my favourite band at all but this song is beautiful. ''And I
meant every word I said, when I said that I love you, I meant that I love you
forever''. Wouldn't life be simple if it was like a retro pop song or metal
ballad in this case. Wouldn't it be magical? I heard this song was written by
Kevin Cronin after he found out his wife was cheating on him before they got
married but instead of leaving her he decided to ''keep on loving her no matter
what'' because that's what he promised. Excuse me while I fall on my bed, face
first, and cry for a week. Why do we hurt ourselves like this? Makes no sense
does it.
Side two starts with Scorpions ''Still loving you'' which
is probably like a stab in the heart. Not enough to kill but enough to hurt. Why?
You know how a single song can suddenly flash so many memories in front of your
eyes? Yeah…Scorpios do that to me. So many amazing memories, one, a very movie
like one, and it was perfect and now it's just painful. I loved this song
always though, it's a beautiful song. See there's bands like say AC/DC who
never wrote or preformed a power ballad in their life. Respect boys, respect
but also what the fuck? Power ballads are what Godfather is to movies. You just
can't not have it? People say such ballads are for pussies. I say those people
are afraid of emotions. That's what power ballads are for me, stripped of
everything but their voice, every emotion laid bare, the artist lays all his
emotions on the line and when written and preformed right, you can feel
everything they felt when the song was written. You know that little moment
when the song slows down, the music drowns down and it's just their voice, rock
musicians have such amazing, powerful voices and listening to them sing
something emotional, something with so much feeling, that is a whole different
experience. A ''sky full of lighters'' moment. Still wishing to cross that off
my list but unfortunally all I see are cellphones. Modernity huh?
I guess ''Still loving you'' is that moment when he knows
he really really really badly fucked up something. Like fucked your best friend
in your bed or car kinda fucked up bad and this song is a six plus minute long
apology and begging to take you back. It's a rollercoaster this one, so much
tension and so much emotion. And this song is often overlooked just like ''You
and I'' because of ''Wind of change'' which okay being tied to the fall of
Berlin wall is far more important as a statement but not nearly as good as a
song. Or pray tell ''Dust in the wind'', just no. Makes me wonder, this one,
how things ended. Happy? Unhappy? Did he get a second chance after all?
Gary Moore ''Always gonna love you'', ''I'm always gonna
love you, if loving means forever, I'm always gonna want you. I don't think I
could ever, just forget the love we had.'' Need I say more? Perfect broken heart
song.
What's also on side 2 is Europe's ''Carrie''. There's
always a song with a girls name aint it? At least it's Carrie (isn't there a
horror movie with a Carrie in it?) and not Candy or Melody, those give me
serious stripper vibes. This is a song that is so overplayed my god. Europe has
so many better songs, but like I saw them play years ago and Carrie is the only
song everyone was singing along. No wonder. It's still a good song though and a
worthy pick for a mixed ''tape''. (can't help it mixed tape just makes sense,
mixed vinyl? Odd.)
Side two closes with what's gotta be my favourite moping
song. I'm such a cliche, literally the person that will lie in bed, eat Nutella
with a spoon and cry over this song. Nazareths ''Love hurts''. I know I know,
don't even say it. On a better day I'm the first one to mock them ''who hurt
you'' but on days like today, this song just makes sense. And honestly, if this
song doesn't make you feel something than you have no heart at all. At the very
start, whrn that guitar gently plays, with a couple cymbal crashes and then
McCafferty's voice ''Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and mars, any heart
not tough or strong enough, to take a lot of pain, to take a lot of pain, love
is like a cloud holds a lof of rain, love hurts''. If you don't feel his pain
in his voice, in these words…well bless you, you've never really been hurt I
suppose. I can only imagine what it must of been like, to hear this live for
the first time…woah. And then that solo comes around, and that one single note
it's like a blade to the heart. It makes the tension stronger, it makes the
pain more intense and it conveys every ounce of pain ever felt by anyone who's
had their hearts broken. My heart hurts listening to this each time, so well
done Nazareth, you're right. Love does hurt.
Other songs on this album are ;
Side one:
-
Whitesnake – Is this love?
-
MSG – Time
-
REO Speedwagon – Keep on loving you
-
Heart – Alone
-
Darxon – Hungry
-
Phenomena II – Did it all for love
-
Magnum – When the world comes down
Side two:
-
Scorpions – Still loving you
-
Gary Moore – Always gonna love you
-
Steeler – The deeper the night
-
Strangeways – Goodnight L.A.
-
Bonfire – Give it a try
-
Europe – Carrie
-
Nazareth – Love hurts
And then there's Volume 2, with a better cover picture
(respect to the artist) and equally good opening song. Cinderella ''Don't know
what you got (till it's gone). Cinderella
are on my top fave bands as is, I keep saying how damn underrated they are and
especially Tom as a singer. His voice is pure magic and they would deserve far
more credit than they get. This song is so packed with emotion, my god. Energy,
power, emotion, everything flying everywhere. It's also their biggest hit. Not surprising
really, even if other songs as I said deserve more credit as well. It's not so
much about love lost, Tom said the idea for this song came to him one day while
driving to the studio when he thought about all the success and how great his
life is and how devastating it would be if it all went away. I actually love
the story Tom told about this song. When he first told the great late Andy
Johns about it, he was in no mood to listen to another half written idea and he
said ''stop dicking around and get in here, there's work to do and we don't
need yet another ballad.'' And when Tom badgered him and convinced him to play
it for him, carried away by his piano playing and voice, and when he turned
around this tall, buff, tough as nails guy (Andy) had tears streaming down his
cheeks. ''At that moment I knew I had quite a song.'' Nothing describes the raw
emotion better I'd say. Also that part ''tearing though my soul I just can't
take another day, who's to blame''. I feel personally attacked by that strong
emotional voice. Can I just for another moment say, congrats Tom, you went
through hell and back and I am so happy you managed to defy all the odds. Respect.
Of course I can't look pass Poisons ''Every rose has it's
thorn''. Poison are also my babies. I love all their music but I am sappy and
stupid so obviously this one will be one of my favourites. Of course it's yet
another song written after being cheated on. Ladies, I don't get you, you get
yourself a man like that, and you cheat? I mean what? I'd love and worship him
daily and be thankful he loves me like I love him, not fuck around with some
cheap thrills. My god. Before we even move on let me just say I also feel
personally attacked by the official video for this song. Especially first ten
seconds. Are you crazy? Well the entire video really but especially the start. Holy
shit, Michaels in this video is the reason I don't sleep at night (have y'all
seen the maxi single cover? I die. Obviously I need it bad).
Aparently this song was written during touring for their
first album and after a show Bret called his girlfriend, all homesick and
lovesick and what happened? A man picked up a phone. He said it broke his heart
and he poured all of his pain into this song. Well we can feel it, from that
very first sigh on. I guess this is another perfect break up song. Another ''stab
me in the heart it will hurt less'' moment.
Side two includes another one of my absolute fave babies,
Motley Crue (dear god a reunion? My heart can't take much more after My Chem
came back on the scene, are y'all aware they can both drop a new song at any
given moment and none of us are ready??).
''You're all I need'' by the Crue…well
I'd personally go for the ''Without you'' instead but make no mistake this is a
great song (before you really get into the lyrics and meaning that is). Back in
the day (sorry but whats true is true, taking Panthers side here) Vince's voice
was so amazing and I think it showed even more on slow songs what a really good
preformer and singer he really is. The official video for this song starts with
a warning ''The following video is based on a true story. The lyrical and
visual imagery you are about to experience has been judged to be too strong by
certain TV networks, both in the U.S. and abroad, and has been banned.'' And also
''but then who ever said that the six o'clock news was pretty?''. This is
another bullshit case like censuring Poisons album was. The song / video talks
about a violent relationship, doomed from the start, that ends when the man
kills her, destroys their home and is taken by the police. Isn't this a story
we've heard and seen countless of times? Isn't it important that this is talked
about? Too many women (also men) suffer in such unbearable situations and the
world just turns away till it's too late. Like Anna Frank said the dead get
more flowers than the living because regret is stronger than just about any
other emotion. So the video is too violent to be played on TV or too
''inapropriate'' but when we're all forced to watch degrading half naked
twerking and ''Anaconda'' and other crap that's okay? Shit I'm clearly too old
for this crap. Like Nikki said about this video it all has a positive and a
negative side and people chose to only see the negative. It's not glorofying
the tragedy it's raising awearness and sure as hell a lot less graphic then
most of the crap we see on the news every single day. But the meaning stays I
suppose ''You're all I need''. Don't we all want to be needed and wanted far
more than just being loved. Love is love, but needing someone and feeling wanted
and desired…that's far stronger. Either way, grousome lyrics and meaning aside,
I love Vinces voice on this one, raw and emotional and perfect.
Other songs on this album are;
Side one:
-
Cinderella – Don't know what you got (till it's gone)
-
House of Lords – Love don't lie
-
Deep Purple – Soldier of fortune
-
Quiet Riot – Don't wanna be your fool
-
Darxon – Don't give up
-
Poison – Every rose has it's thorn
-
Bonfire –You make me feel
Side two:
-
Scorpions – Holiday
-
Kingdom Come – What love can be
-
Gary Moore – Empty rooms
-
Zed Yago – The pale man
-
Motley Crue – You're all I need
-
Nazareth – Dream on
You're right, the fact that I'm listening to such songs
on repeat (as well as my ultimate favourite songs forever Bon Jovi's Always,
Guns N' Roses November rain and My Chemical Romance The light behind your eyes)
means someone hurt me and they hurt me bad. To say I've been through hell and
back is an understatement but what else can one say. Music is the only thing
that calms your soul, that is always there for you, that never gives up hope
and never breaks your heart. To ''kids'' like us, it's the only comfort left on
the planet. In the words of Mitch Lucker “ Keep
listening to music, it gets
you through everything. I promise."
