''Bite me''

There will be spoilers ahead. Consider yourself warned. 

I can't believe I bought the third basically same version of a book. *SIGH*. First it was Twilight, then Life and death which is basically a Twilight reimagined, but same shit. And now Midnight sun which is just Twilight from a different point of view. 

Y'all probably know I have a million and one problem with Stephanie Meyer these days. Starting with her abuse of the Native Americans to the accusations of plagiarism. Fake or not I don't know. It's horrible you know, you got these stories. Twilight saga, Harry Potter, Shadowhunters. Stories you love, book worlds you love to get lost in when the real world sucks too much to handle. And then you learn that all those authors that gave us those worlds, those masterpieces, are all fucking assholes. I mean one shouldn't let that ruin the story…I still love Twilight, I still love Harry Potter, they're stories I grew up with but, you can't help it, having them sort of tarnished…it sucks.

 

 

( Midnight Sun / Stephenie Meyer / Young adult, fantasy, romance novel / )

All of that is enough to turn me off of Stephanie Meyer, not wanting to buy more books, merch, give her more money…but how could I not get Midnight sun when I've waited for 13 years to get my hands on it. We all wanted to hear what Twilight is like from Edwards point of view. And just two or three chapters in I was surprised just how much and how many times he wanted to kill her. That could of been a whole different story from the get go, the romantic, perfect Edward going on a murder spree. Don't get me wrong, I was team Edward just like everyone else, swooning over the seemingly perfect boy who speaks like he's from a different century (well he is) and drives a Volvo (stupid shiny Volvo owner), but to be honest I always prefered Carlisle, blond, older, perfect…

Moving on. Midnight sun therefore is the same story told from a different point of view. Edwards. And what does he have to say? Fucking too much let me tell you that. More than 700 pages too much. Story stays unchanged, lines of conversation are the same, obviously. I hear people complaining about that but what did you expect, really? It's the same story! This is much better though, I always found Bella sort of bland, uninteresting (sorry, Ed) and seeing this story through his eyes is much better purely because it gives you some inside into the eternal struggle, pain, doubt, family dynamics, into why Edward is the way he is. Complex. Moody. Brooding. I would love to get Carlisle or Alices perspective though (but don't you dare Meyer, three same books are absolutely enough) maybe on some history, their lives before Twilight. A love story between Carlisle and Esme. That would kill me. I'd die on the spot. My favourite couple right there. 

Excuse the crappy photo quality, it's an old drawing, and I can't for the love of me find it to take a better photo. It's still one of my favourites though. Even if today, if I redraw, I could probably do much better...maybe I should test that theory in the future...

Has anyone thought about how bizarre it is that after 13 years this book is released now, during a worldwide pandemic, when the Spanish flu pandemic in 1918 is what killed Edward? I mean she couldn't plan it obviously but it's still funny how some things fall into place like that.

Of course if you're after the romance, the undying forever love you wont be disappointed, Edwards obsession with Bella, the only and the most beautiful woman on the planet, ''the one that made his dead frozen heart beat again'' (ugh gag me with a spoon) there's plenty of that there too.  But all his internal monologue how she should stay away, how he should of let her go, how he's no good for her, blah blah blah, it gets boring. We get it, you see her as dinner. Not gonna lie the watching her sleep part? A little creepy dude. Lay that shit off.

What I more than enjoyed though was the dynamic between Alice and Edward, always working together to keep the clumsy mess that is Bella away from harm, which believe me isn't an easy task. It's like she's just asking for it, any and all kind of danger, trust Bella to find it.

I also loved a more personal view into other people's minds in the book through Edwards abilities. I was hardly surprised seeing how some were just superficial, sex, prom, money, that freak Cullen, or the undying love and support Edward got from his adoptive parents. Hardly a shock there. But what I enjoyed was the interactions between Edward and Emmett, it give a better view into their brotherly relationship, the fact that Emmett calls him ''kid'' is just endearing.

Generally though, I can't say I'm impressed with her style of writing (Meyer is no Hemingway after all) the quote on midnight sun in the book is just making you cringe and the entire book sort of reads like fan fiction, though well not going to lie that I have in fact read better fan fiction. What the hell do you think I do all those sleepless nights? Well, besides sketching. I don't know what it is with artists and their talent only working at night. Back to the point. The book was dedicated to the fans. That's kinda obvious because well, who besides the fans will read it?

What bugs me is that she had the chance to mature, to make the book more mature, as her readers matured, but she didn't. And what really fucking pissed me off were Edwards fantasies about killing the Quileute tribe. I get it, creppy obsessed Edward just felt that way, BUT, given how she treated them in the past, how she fucked them over, this was just tastless and the book could do without it.

It seems to me…you know…after so many years of no release and excuses, such as it wasn't released because it would seem like competition with E.L. James and her male point of view ''Gray'' novel (Cmon seriously? That's just bullshit, can't really compare porn with uptight Edward huh?) that this is just a quick money grab. After one million copies sold just in the first week it's not far off either is it. I guess the book, the story, had the potential to be a million times better. So all in all I guess it's a bit disappointing. Waiting for so many years…I don't know you'd expect something else.

All that said, it doesn't change that my Twihard heart exploded into rainbows, unicorns and that glitter Edward is made of when I heard that the book is finally getting released. And it doesn't change the nostalgia and reviving my Cullen crush that happened while reading this book. Reading it felt like reconecting with an old friend. Like rekindling a relationship with an old lover. Falling back in love with Edward and the Cullens felt as easy as breathing. And yes I did hyperventilate for good five minutes when picking this book up for the first time. Holy hell.

So safe to say, I enjoyed it a lot, despite the negative parts I mentioned above. It was a lot that I wished for and a lot that I hoped for. And despite it having so many pages, I finished it all too quick. Here's to re reading the entire series because that seems to be in order.

So there's that, enough spoilers spilled I believe, let me just wish, to all my readers starting school tomorrow, good luck, I know it will be a whole new world, not only because it's been almost a year but because this ''new normal'' is far from actually normal.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to satisfy my ''thirst'' with a little smutty Carlisle fan fic. Hey don't judge, some read 50 shades of (fucked up) Grey and some read kinky fanfiction. So cheers, have a good week. Or at least, lets survive the week.

 

Watch out for the seas of hatred and sin or all us people forget what we've been.

You know how dominated the music scene is by American and British artists? How little credit bands from other countries get? And I've seen and met so many different bands from all over the world who were talented and in so many ways so much better than so many US and UK bands. Like say Scorpions? Amazing. And Rammstein? Holy shit! And how about Scandinavia? They have all the best bands. Like Volbeat, Nightwish, Amon Amarth, In flames, Europe, Opeth, Ghost, Apocalyptica, HIM, Lordi,…to name just a few. Finland per example is the best country for heavy metal and hard rock music, they play it on all commercial radios over there, while here I could burst out in tears when I hear Guns N' Roses on our radio stations. 

One of such in my opinion underrated bands are German Helloween. They're a power metal band from Hamburg. Founded in the 80's (1984) actually by members of Iron fist and Gentry. The original lineup released the ''Keeper of the Seven Keys'' together which made them the heavy metal band worth noticing and actually helped create the sub genre ''power metal'' which just didn't exist before. The singer left after unfortinally so the second part of Keeper is with a different singer. 

Story goes on simmilar as it does with Skid row. Skid were a massive band, no wonder because you just can't beat Bach vocals. That man. Shit. I get shivers just thinking about those screams in Monkey business or the emotional way he sings In a darkened room, but that's besides the point, first two Skid albums were amazing, smashing hits, then Bach left or was kicked out or whatever happened, it's unclear but that was a nail in the coffin because no albums that followed were as good. Same with Helloween. First two albums without Hansen the original singer, Pink bubbles go Ape and Chameleon were complete failures both commercially and critically, which in turn caused more tension with the band members and more lineup changes. 

See I don't get it. I get artistic difference and I get that people just can't get along but a band should be like a job. I mean it's great when musicians are best friends and they hang out together and stuff but if not…why not grit your teeth and get on with it? Look at the Stones, I mean Mick and Keith never liked eachother but that never affected the band one bit. They stayed together and made so much good music. Isn't it such a crying shame really? Skid Row could be such a massive band and they could make so much amazing music. Same as GN'R. I thank the lord each day they're back together…well sorta. I aint gonna be happy till I see Steven and Izzy as well. 

So you can imagine the buzz when Helloween announced in 2014 that two original members were rejoining the band. The ''Pumpkins united'' world tour ended up being the biggest tour in the band's history, spanning over 14 months and consisting of 69 shows, and also a live album plus DVD. 

I know it makes no sense to review part II before part I. But I don't actually have part I and I rather like this one…

I've read that both Keeper albums were actually supposed to be one double album, which makes it logical why part II feels like it's a continiuation of something. Carrying on something that was left of somewhere. I never actually listened to part I but this is actually a brilliant idea, to do two albums and connect them somehow. You know like SIXX AM did? The dammned and the blessed albums? Brilliant idea. 

This album has such amazing harmonies, fast mindblowing riffs, bitching bass and hair raising vocals. Okay so it may not be the same singer but let me tell you something, the album is just as great. 

Can we just talk about the cover for a second? Both albums have such great covers. I really love cover art that's not photography but painted art. Like old movie posters. Ever saw those? So great and so artistic. I guess the artist in me appreciates this so much more. I  mean everyone can take a picture, photoshop the hell out of it and slap it on the front page, but it takes a hell of a lot more effort to actually create a piece of art like these two covers are. And as well their other covers, I really like ''Better than raw'' it's oh my god amazing, ''The time of the oath'' which actually reminds of Keeper part I a lot and ''Metal jukebox''. Super creative and I'm getting them all at some point (when grown up, rich and famous lol) for the artistic value alone.  Some such covers are also Danger Danger self titled album and ''Screw it!'' which I also want both. Great band, great music, perfect covers. What did you expect really, boys with long blond hair in leather. I'm predictable. Lol. And super carried away as per usual.

Keeper of the seven keys Part II was the third studio album, released in 1988. It was received very well, and actually went gold in Germany (well that's not that much of a surprise). The two songs that probably everyone knows on this album are ''Dr. Stein'' and ''I want out''. First one has this long solo that's really kinda dark and kinda bluesy, which doesn't sound like anything really on this album also if you pay attention you'll hear the organ. ''I want out'' on the other hand was and still is the bands most famous song it has so many remakes as well, by Gamma Ray (which is funny considering that that's the very band founded by Kai Hansen after leaving Helloween. Mindboggling.) and also LORD and Sonata Arctica. 

Loudwire also named this album as number one on their ''top 25 power metal albums of all time'' that is a big deal if you ask me. You can also find it on ''the 10 essential power metal albums'' by Metal Hammer. That makes it significant for the power metal scene as I said. Maybe they're the Beatles to some modern power metal bands like Beast in black (amazing band, drop what you're doing and go listen). 

You can hear how polished the sound is on this album. Fresh. Enjoyable. Perfect. Yes it might sound a bit ''80's-ish'' but that doesn't change the clear harmonies between the guitars the excellent bass job or Kiske's incredible voice. Sometimes people say that albums that go on over 40 or 45 minutes get boring. This one is just under 55 minutes and let me tell you, it's not boring for a second. No filler songs no dull moment. Instead of complaining y'all should be happy to get a few extra minutes of a great album. An extra song or two. How perfect is that? 

I'm not going to rant forever, this isn't Guns N' Roses or Springsteen who I love a bit too much, but seriously, all that blond hair and tight clothes. Just too sexy. I'm shallow. I'd pick this up and listen to it due to their looks alone, never mind if they suck. Thankfully they don't, but you get the point. 

So, there's that. Excuse me while I go get some air and possibly melt outside. Super hot as per usual. Thank god actually, been raining for far too long. Started to feel like the Amazonia not Europe. Have a great week y'all, don't let the Muggles get you down. 

Prefiero yo morir de amor a que el amor me falte

''Que yo iba a lastimarte y que no me iba a quedar, que yo sería el culpable y que tú ibas a llorar, no es cierto, no es cierto, no es cierto. No hay nada más difícil que aprender a mentir, fingiendo que estoy vivo cuando voy a morir, por dentro, por dentro, por dentro.

Y todo es fácil para ti olvidar, yo nunca quise nada más siempre fue muy tarde...

Me haces falta, amor, explícame qué te hizo falta, amor, ¿será todo eso que me falta, amor? Si lo único que me hace falta, amor, es ese amor que no me das. ¿Por qué me obligas a dejarte atrás? ¿Por qué me obligas a sentir dolor? Si lo único que te hace falta, amor, es este amor.

Y yo la rabia empiezo a acumular, no, el odio no puedo evitar, sólo espero que al final el amor no te falte si yo lo encuentro en otra parte.''

''No quiero disimular, no quiero hablarte, no quiero que al despertar quiera besarte. Voy buscando una razón para olvidarte entre más lo intento, más me cuesta soltarte, no, me duele el vacío que dejas por dentro. Me duele inventarme falsos sentimientos ¿cómo viviré con tanto sufrimiento?

Me haces falta, amor, explícame qué te hizo falta, amor, ¿será todo eso que me falta, amor? Si lo único que me hace falta, amor, es ese amor que no me das. ¿Por qué me obligas a dejarte atrás? ¿Por qué me obligas a sentir dolor? Si lo único que te hace falta, amor, es este amor.

Y yo la rabia empiezo a acumular, no, el odio no puedo evitar, sólo espero que al final el amor no te falte.

No sabes pedir perdón, tú fuiste tan cobarde, no juegues con un corazón, porque al final se parte,

Prefiero yo morir de amor, a que el amor me falte.''

* Sebastián Yatra & Ricky Martin -Falta Amor *

Can you fall in love, when you're falling apart?

''On behalf of the SpaceX and NASA teams, welcome back to planet Earth''. That's what Michael Heiman, engineer for SpaceX that was communicating with the astronauts said after they landed safely in the water yesterday. That was the first water landing of an American crew since 1975. Trust me, I should know, I'm a huge space geek, something that keeps me up at night, reading articles about space then suddenly it's 3 in the morning and I'm neck deep into wikipedia articles about black holes. I don't know, something about the infinity of space, the silence, the beauty, the idea how insignificant we really are comparing to all of that. All of what's beyond. Beyond…well I don't know beyond what. I've read a whole bunch of theories but none ever sounded right. One of the most popular arguments in our house. My family just loves to call me insane for believing in extraterrestial life. I think under that everyone just imagines little green beings like ET that Hollywood made us believe in, but it could, really be as little as a bacteria. My whole point is just that it's extremely egocentrical to believe that we're alone in a whole wide neverending space. 

But that was not the point of this post, the geek in me just got carried away. Like the geek in me gets carried away by all the Pentagon files and strange signals and things like Skinwalker Ranch. Point here though is that ''welcome back to Earth''. Imagine that, coming back to Earth, to this. To the ''Earth'' we have right now…yeah…might as well stay up in space to be honest. Can't help but wonder when did things get so fucked up. Started with someone eating a bat in China and we got all the way here months later? Hard to believe. Guess I'm just bitter, bitter about no concerts and worrying about countless of my friends working in the industry and their future, their lives. It was brought to my attention that people seem to think that musicians work alone, that they go to different venues, set up their stages, turn on the lights and lock up after leaving. Madness. And here I am stressed about where will all those people that make a show amazing go, what will happen with their careers, what will happen with their stories, what will happen with music in general. Fuck. 

I guess I'm also bitter because as I've said a million times, music, concerts, are my happy place and I feel so miserable and so lost. I honestly can't seem to function without having something to look forward to, something to make me like, okay just a few more miserable dates till this tour, till that tour, till whatever else. Truth is, I didn't get to see Gerard Way this july 4th and I honestly feel like I won't see him the next one either. 

I guess I'm also bitter because all my vacation plans fell through. There are things I've been planning for so long and by some miracle stars aligned and things were a go this year, before the pandemic that is. Now I'm stuck at home. In a country I never particulary liked, never mind loved. I miss Vienna, I miss Italy, I miss Rome, Milan, I miss Berlin, Finland, I miss everything that isn't home. I miss adventures. And I miss me, relaxed and stress free in those places. I miss the happiness they give me and I fucking miss getting away from this godawful place for a little while. Something's in the air I tell you, even breathing seems hard these days. Must be the people, must be this place, must be the rut, must be the bleak future, must be the ''falta amor''. 

So before I fall back into my bed and my lavender smelling NASA sheets (I told you I'm a geek. Each time my family tells me that I need grown up sheets I get more creative it seems) which I like because of a comment ''come to bed baby, let me show you the stars'' and he really did btw. Hah. Here's a review of a book I just finished reading and a bonus photo so you can admire my Queen socks by ''Happy Socks''. Here's the thing. I hate boring socks, nothing cooler than having colorful, pretty socks. Also these, despite expensive are so cool, I mean having Freddie Mercury peak out from your Doc Martens is one thing but they are really soft and the colors are so vibrant. 

( Emery Lord / When we collided / Contemporary, young adult, mental health, romance /)

The book. It's aparently another ''childrens'' or ''youth'' novels. I tend to read a lot of those lately. Maybe I can't even focus on something heavier or more complicated. I have a stack of new books to read and too little time, books like a book on GN'R that I got in Rome, and a new one about Prince and Elton John. 

There's a line in this book ''Even the constellations can see us now: we are seventeen and shattered and still dancing. We have messy, throbbing hearts and we are stronger than anyone could ever know.'' I think that's beautiful. 

People say ''never judge a book by it's cover'' and I never do, but I sometimes choose a book by it's cover. It it's something that appeals to me, something I like. There's a higher chance I'll read it without really caring what's it about. A lot of pleasant surprises happened this way. I've read so many good books because I picked them up after liking the cover. I really like the cover of this book, simple, white with paint splatters. It's like, it makes sense, colliding with something makes a mess right? And the second thing is that after you finish the book you actually see it makes perfect sense in so many ways. 

Generally this is a book about things we all and I especially can relate to. It's about love and loss. Finding yourself and your purpose, your way, helping others with little things, sometimes even just comfortable silence, or just being there for someone makes a huge difference. It's about mental disorders, it's about grief. Listen, it's no Hemingway but in it's simplicity I think it's a wonderful book.

I'm not the biggest fan of two perspectives that switch each chapter. I prefer one point of view but I suppose given how different the main two characters are it fits. Sometimes you need a little different perspective no? It's switching between a 16 year old Vivi (who btw gives me all kinds of Phoebe from Friends vibes) who is a complete tornado of mostly happiness, excitment, adventure. And Jonah who is 17 and quiet and serious.

The book is based around a summer romance type thing. And though there's a lot of critisism about main characters I believe that Vivi is actually a great character, with a lot of depth. I don't know maybe I can understand her better and some people (lucky people) don't. Story begins with Vivi and her mother moving to a friends house for the summer in a small town in California called ''Verona Cove''. Aparently Vivi falls in love with the small town charm. I don't know if this town exists but I know a little bit about small town charm. I used to have it too. These days, the town remained but the charm is gone. There is something about small towns, small towns like the ones in country songs. With nice people, nice neighbors. Neighbors you can drink coffee with on Saturday mornings and pet their cats instead of argue about lawsuits over events that happened twenty years ago. Don't ask. Long story but no wonder I'm going crazy in this place. 

There's a plot twist to Vivi's character, she was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and refuses to take the medication because it makes her feel like a zombie so instead she's throwing the meds in the ocean. I guess the zombie part we can relate to at some point no? Being so detached, due to medication or something else, to just shut down. And it sucks because just like Vivi I imagine everyone would want to feel alive, to love everything so much to want to experience it. To actually enjoy the little things. 

Jonah on the other hand is different. Detached in a different way, riddled by worries and grief after losing his dad. Funny how I can realate to that. When it's not just grief, pain, loss that eats at you, when it's debt, financial issues, broken family…everything hits full force. So there's Jonah taking care of his family along with two older siblings who take turns in trying to make life go on and taking care of three younger kids. One of them six year old Leah is also to ''blame'' that him and Vivi met. It's cute how Vivi is right away smitten with Jonah's good looks and entire demeanor, while Leah falls in love with Vivi's crazy and fun personality and asks her to come for dinner, which her brother worrying about his loud, bickering, hard to take in family isn't too happy about. 

Vivi manages to charm the entire family except the oldest sister who needs a bit longer to come around. Despite the fact that some of Vivi's behavior is just downright erratic, due to her condition, she's fun, she has some good ideas and some bad (don't we all) and most of her crazy plans, from slip and sliding down their backyard to midnight naked swimming to actually helping to save the family restaurant, her crazy vibrant personality is what brings the family out of this depressive episode they lived in before she came along. A lof of things happen between the pages but I won't be writing them all down, ruins the book I think. Lets just say that a severe episode of her illness brings Viv back from the clouds and she begins to understand that proper medcation will allow her to live a full life. Maybe not the life she dreamed of but a good life anyways. Let's be serious anyways who gets to live the life they dreamed of? 

Generally this is a powerful and moving novel about two people that couldn't be more different. That couldn't experience life, love everything else along those lines more differently and most importantly, a novel that shows us that indeed you can fall in love even when you are falling apart. 

Emery Lord has this easy, light, fun way of writing that you can enjoy and I just love her lines. Some of them are absolutely brilliant like this one;

''I keep wondering if it'll ever hurt less. This…this hole in our lives.''

''Oh, I imagine it'll hurt less eventually. I think there will always be a hole, though. But lace is one of the most beautiful fabrics, you know. All those holes and gaps, but it's still complete somehow – still lovely.''

Beautiful. 

I didn't particulary enjoy the ending but just because I'd do it different doesn't mean it's a bad ending. You know me anything but ''happily ever after''? Eh best don't bother. Hah. All in all I enjoyed this book quite a lot and would recomend it if you're looking for some light reading. 

Now excuse me. Really going to fall back to my NASA sheets though alone, and hope for some rest, these days I am in a zombie state as well. Tired doesn't begin to cover it. Have a great week. Guess I'll see you on Friday with some weekend music recomendations. I hope.