I promised ''business as usual'' so here we are again. A
concert write up. These sometimes come easy and sometimes it's harder.
Hemingway said to write hard and clear about what hurts you, and probably all
other emotions as well. Problem is I aint Hemingway and writing is hard.
Summing up emotions is sometimes downright impossible. How can you describe all
the love, all the passion, all the hatred all the raging emotions? It's hard. But
I will try my best as usual.
Right, a concert review. If you follow me on Instagram
then you know who it is I'm writing about. Yes, that's right. The one and only.
Cher. Shut up, I love her.
People call Madonna the ''Queen of pop'' maybe she really
is but she ain't got nothing on Cher. Cher is a legend. A pop legend. Which doesn't fit in with my
usual dark, heavy and loud music, I'm aware. But it is what it is. Limiting
yourself on one music genre is so stupid. Listen to whatever the hell you like
even if it's those damn singing chipmunks. And lets be honest my music taste is
all over the place. Obviously.
There are so many bands and musicians that I've been
dying to see. Some came true already, and some I haven't had the chance yet,
cough Metallica cough. But to be honest, I never thought I'd see Cher. Ever.
First things first, last time she toured near me was 15 years ago. 15! I
started going to concerts outside my own country about a year or two later. And
then she had that Las Vegas thing going on and ugly rumours spreading that
she's sick…so on so on. I didn't think I'd see her ever. It was making me sad
to be fair. She and Celine Dion are the only two pop divas that I wanted to see
live. Now Cher I did, but Celine, that may never happen with sky high tickets
prices she's got going on.
Here's the deal this ''Here we go again'' tour has only
nineteen dates in Europe and none in Italy or France. So to actually have a
date in Vienna (a day before my birthday!) was a blessing from high heavens.
And the fact that after some complications (long story) even made it there was
another one.
Vienna is one of my favourite cities, I always say ''I
basically live there'' because I'm there often, it's beautiful, it's historic,
it's alive, it's everything my home isn't. And they have two of my favourite
concert venues, which are Gasometer and Stadthalle. Amazing venues and I've
seen so many amazing bands and personal favourites there. Of course let's not
forget the Ernst Happel Stadium as well. Always going to be a special place for
me, lost my Springsteen V card there. Mind out of the gutter I meant the
concert! Jesus guys.
I have to say though, it was a little difficult coming
back to ''halle D'' Stadthalle. Last time I was there I watched Queen preform
with Adam Lambert. Mindblowing preformance but the difficult part is because of
a concert before that one. The very same venue I saw Linkin park in. I don't
think the reality of losing Chester is ever going to actually settle in my
brain. So really before the show started I was somehow staring at the spot
where I was for the Linkin park gig, remembering all the feelings I felt then.
Bitter sweet.
This concert though, was something else entirely. A sure
top five fave. Something I never experienced. It's like a mix of pop music and
Cirque du Soleil. I've seen so many concerts but somehow all of them were heavy
metal or hard rock. I listen to all kinds of music at home, but concert wise I
don't stray far from my favourite genre. Of course I'd kill to see Keith Urban,
Brantley Gilbert, Jason Aldean and Kip Moore in Europe but do you think those
bitches ever tour here? Uh no, no they don't.
I think the ''strangest'' concert that I've been to might as well be
David Garrett. People keep saying it's because I think he's pretty. Not true. I
mean I do think he's to die for handsome but I actually love his music. Deal
with it.
Cher is amazing. AMAZING. The concert was way too short
though. I mean I understand, not many are like Mick Jagger but still, I would
of wished a few more songs. At least ''Love on a rooftop'' because it's my
absolute favourite song by Cher.
Huge props to the DJ that started the whole thing and
came back after support left. He's called ''KidCutUp'' and not only does he use
vinyl instead of boxes and computers, the mix of 80's pop music he had going on
was amazing. All the best songs, all the ''gay anthems'' which I love and know
by heart, and when just about every song I could imagine was played I'm like
''all I need now is ''I will survive'' and I am done for'' guess what happened?
I will survive was next. Incredible. There was a lot of gay people, gay couples
at the concert. Not surprising, if we look up Cher on wikipedia I think there's
a line saying ''Cher is considered a gay icon and is often imitated by drag
queens''. Oh my god. Even if I didn't
like her I'd still go to another show, because gay couples! Only the cutest,
sweetest people out there, and I enjoyed every moment of interacting with them
and taking their pictures (upon being asked, not like a creeper mind you).
So the support was some musician named Crimer. No clue
who he is or what he's about. I know he's a Swiss musician and I like the sassy
website ''It's Crimers website baby! Don't be shy, just hit the link''.
Clever. Music was alright too, I enjoyed
some songs, but you know how it is, you're just eager to get support off stage
and have the main act already. That's how it is for me anyways. I can't
remember when I actually waited equally excited for the support. Well. Wait.
When All time low had Neck deep. And when Green day had Rancid. Else, meh. Who
cares. Sorry, Crimer you were cool tho, the 80's pop vibe and style was great.
After him DJ came back playing some more anthems, asking
the crowd if they are ready for Cher. Obviously more than ready. And to
''help'' warm up the vocal chords he had Freddie Mercury's iconic screams. You
know from Wembley? Goosebumps all over. Really an amazing DJ. It's something,
me saying that. I am 99% allergic to DJ's.
I mean I don't know how do you actually ''turn back
time'' but so help me jesus Cher did it. She did not age one bit and her voice
sounds exactly the same as it did in the 1960's. Infuckingsane. Don't even
start with ''but plastic surgery'' with me because I will kick your ass back to
Jotunheimr where you belong. Yes I know she had a lot done but that doesn't
change the fact that she has a body I would kill for. Seriously that figure?
Mamma mia. And a voice that doesn't need any corrections at all. She may be 73 but you guys, I'd go gay for
her every day of the week.
I think the best way to describe the whole gig is like
she called it ''extravagant''. It starts with a video montage of different
parts of her life and highlights in her career while the song Woman's world
plays in the back. Fitting because lets face it, this really is a Woman's
world. Men would be lost and clueless without us. You know that moment, when the curtain falls
and the band comes on stage. Yes that happens here too, they're mounting
suspense and anticipation untill the curtain falls and Cher emerges, standing
in this golden lift type thingy in the air, wearing the best sparkly dress and
a blue wig. I honestly wonder who does her clothes and makeup because honey you
fine. And this particular outfit is out of this world, has this Roman vibe and
her dancers are gladiators. A moment for a speech is taken here as well, and
Cher's problems with a shoe which she refers to as ''this bitch'' and has
someone helping her resolve the issue because apparently she wouldn't wanna
bend over in tight clothes. As someone who only wears skin tight jeans I more
than understand.
She has a ton of dancers on stage, all insanely talented
and there to entertain while the Queen changes clothes. Of course so do they,
and nearly for every single song. I loved all the clothes though, sparkly,
bright, happy, perfect. And of course the iconic all black lace and leather
jacket for ''If I could turn back time''. I don't know what I want more in that
moment, to be her or to be with her. Honestly.
Womens world after the curtain drop flows into Strong
enough and the band on stage without Cher for Gayatri Mantra, which is followed
by All or nothing and Cher riding out on a huge
animatronic elephant. Oh.My.God.
And a very touching moment where she preforms two songs with Sonny Bono,
the same way Queen do Bohemian Rhapsody with Freddie. He was on the projector
and she sang literally with him. It was sweet, though before she said she
wasn't sure about this song ''I got you babe'' and she wasn't sure how people
were react and maybe rather on the next tour and then she's like ''bitch you
may be dead then, do it now''. Lol. I sincerly doubt there will be another
tour. I wish but you know…
The number I just LOVED was ''Welcome to Burlesque''. I
am already obsessed with the movie, it's really good and this act was just totally
badass. Cher plays the most badass boss in this movie, Christina has an amazing
voice and Cam who plays the bartender? Eyeliner? Uh yes please. So handsome! The
dancing at the show was spot on, the dancers were just sexy enough, and Cher
walks out like the diva that she is. Amazing I tell you. Actually fun fact, I
totally want a Burlesque bar of my own. No joke. There's something about the
vibe, the dance, the way women are dressed, revealing, yet sexy not vulgar…it's
really awesome.
Of course the show can't go on without ABBA. Like, okay…I
am NOT an ABBA fan, that's too much even for me. But the original Mamma mia
movie is still one I saw one too many times. Cheesy, funny, light, just
perfect. Part two though, hated it, Cher was the only highlight in it and of
course Andy Garcia, other than that, might as well trash the whole movie. Don't
get me wrong, cast was fantastic, and they did a great job, but the story…no
thank you. But Cher is so badass in it. And I love her. So of course on stage
she does Waterloo, SOS and Fernando. Can't do without Fernando. I guess at
least Mamma mia would also be great or say with the amazing dancers she has the
Dancing Queen.
Like I'm sorry but you just have to love Cher for her
''fuck it'' attitude. She could not care less about what other people think of
her. At all. And I admire that. I should spend a little less time worrying
about that myself. Cher knows she's beautiful and amazing and fabulous and
badass and she has a music library and list of acting roles to prove it. Some
of it you get to see at the concert, when a montage of movie clips and most
famous scenes plays.
There's a pause where she stands on stage and tells a
long story. Well longish. About 15 minutes. It's a whole novella, like Nikki
Sixx did, when he talked about knives and what they mean to him on the last
Crue tour. Cher talks a little about her career, how she never felt accepted,
about being told she's too old and not sexy enough for a certain movie part by
Jack Nicholson who I never liked and now I just downright despise, fuck you
Jack, you couldn't handle a woman like Cher. She also told us she didn't want
to go to David Letterman and when asked why by him she without thinking told
him ''because I thought you were an asshole''. Hysterical. And also of course
she talks about her age, which may be the best part of the show…she says she
doesn't know why people cheer when she tells them how old she is, is it because
she's still alive and they're amazed? Lol. And what I loved was that she
dedicated this speech to women, no matter how old you gotta do what you wanna
do in life. This entire show is like an ode to women, no matter who you are,
where you're from, how old you are, no matter what people say and expect of
you, you are the one who decides which path you're taking and who you are. And
Cher decided she's going to be a Queen a long time ago and she's still rocking
it. And of course she's totally right, this is a beautiful message. Get off your ass and go do whatever it is you
wanna do. She ends the speech with ''I just got one question left, what is your
grandmother doing tonight?''. Amazing. Hah.
Of course you also got a cover of Cohn's Walking in
Memphis which is one of my fave songs as is. Elvis, Memphis, Cher singing,
clearly I love it. She talks a little about seeing Elvis with her mother when
she was 11 then. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of everyone that got to see Elvis.
But like she says, he was a rebel, he did something different, and he was the
inspiration for so many musicians. Love him or hate him, Elvis is to ''blame''
and without him…well who knows what music would look like today, which bands
would maybe never exist because they'd never get inspired to even start a music
career. As she sings Walking in Memphis there's a what appears to be a Memphis
street in the back and a billboard on the street that reads ''Chelvis''. Let me
just point out in modern terms that I ''totally ship'' Chelvis.
The entire show is like a walk through through different
times, eras, locations. It starts with the Romans, then we move to India. Then
there's the romantic tribute to the late Sonny, clearly in a 60's style. Middle
part of the show is a tribute to her film career, showing movies, doing an act
from Burlesque and Mamma mia. Then we move to the 50's rock nostalgia with
Elvis and back to the 80's yet again. One of Chers musicians does a bad ass
guitar solo. Of course, guitarist, blond, clearly I was very intrigued. My
friend said, that though Cher is now officially single, doesn't want a serious
relationship or god forbid another marriage, but she's surely not lonely.
Well….if I was Cher, I know who'd keep my bed warm. Cough blondie cough.
After the solo and Bolton's cover of ''I found someone'' Cher
returns in that iconic skintight see through bodysuit and leather jacket she
wore in the music video ''If I could turn back time''. Guys. I tell you again, I
am not gay but I would go gay for her looking like that everyday of the week.
No joke. Y'all saw that music video right? It's shot on board of the Battleship
USS Missouri and basically it's Cher and her band preforming for the ship's
crew. Though in the video the bodysuit shows a lot more of Cher's butt and a
tattoo of a butterfly on it. Glad to know I'm not the only ''idiot'' to have a
tattoo down there. Of course as per usual the video was contraversial and tv
stations refused to play it. I mean like…do these people still live? Have they
seen what these so called modern pop stars put out now? Cuz it's like basically
porn and nobody bans them. You know skin coverage equals talent and since they
got none…oh well.
The concert ends too fast, I'm spoiled by Springsteen and
Guns N' Roses I suppose, but at 15 songs that's obviously way too few for me. I
could honestly listen to her for another hour.
Of course as per usual the night ends like so many Cher concerts do, with
Believe. Which as cliche as it is is totally one of my favourite songs. It was
the first song ever to be recorded with auto tune and it sounds ridiculous if
you think about it but hell I still love it. And the lyrics are awesome. Don't
we all want to ''believe in life after love''. A happy life that is. In another
happily ever after. And of course let's not even start with Adam Lamberts cover
of this song. It was out of this world. This song is an anthem. That is all I
have to say. It brings up so many good memories, every club used to play this
song, everyone used to dance to this song. It literally made you wanna drink
fruity boozy drinks and dance the night away lost in the music. With the song ending, Cher disappears through
the doors on stage, dancers take a bow and that's it, lights turn on and you
know it's over. Saddest moment of every show. But all good things must end at
some point.
There is no question what so ever that this tour, most
likely the final tour (though I don't know if that was confirmed and there were
like 3 of them already) is sending Cher out in style and she continues to prove
that she can literally wipe the stage floors with any pop star from previous
generations or the new ones. Yes I mean it. Don't you dare sending me any ''but
Beyonce'' messages. Beyonce will have to eat a lot more spinach to measure up
to the perfection that is Cher. And the audience in the venue confirmed that
very well as well. Insane energy, people singing along, off their feet,
dancing, proving that Cher is the Queen and a legend.
All in all, it was a different concert than what I'm used
to, but given the chance I'd love to go again. It was a fun night, full of
laughter and good vibes. Now if only I get Jason Aldean in Europe preferably
with Keith Urban, Brantley Gilbert and Kip Moore. I'd be the happiest. Else you
know business as usual, really hoping to see Metallica next year. At fucking
last. Fingers crossed.
Alright time to wash the glitter out of my hair and
return to the ''real world''. Doesn't sound too appealing, but whats gotta be
done and all that.
