Why is it that I can only start posts with either ''it's been a fucking rough week'' or ''something something Tom Cruise''? Second one would be a better option right now, trust me. Y'all would be considered lucky if you could read about my filthy (mile high club) dream. Lets just make it short and let me tell you, the plane was on autopilot, and I certainly enjoyed the ''cruise''. No but really, things are crazy lately and I'm so tired of spiraling about things I have zero control over. So tired of stress, so tired of worrying. I mean is there ever a break? A glitch in the matrix that allows us to live happier? Are we all just designed to be artificial? Just little pawns on a playing board of some higher power to move at will? Is that all there is to life? ''Digital warfare, the death of who we are is right here'', ''your body is not yours it seems, what the hell is happening?''. These are lines from songs, songs that understand. But seriously, is that all there is?
Which brings us to the point of this rant. Lately, it's been happening a lot, that either I or my family have been getting the same question. The topic of children / grandchildren. First of let me tell you I find it amusing and disgusting how, yeah my body is not mine it seems. I have a question for all the Karens out there, what makes you think it is okay to meddle in another persons life choices? Ideals? Body?! Let me be clear on something, I do NOT want children. I do not feel like I need them to complete my life. There are a lot of things I want to do and experience in my life, and motherhood is not one of them. Secondly, before you ask, no I do not hate babies. Several of my friends have kids, and I love all of them. I only hate children when in a bar, where they scream and run around and prevent you from having a normal conversation. But lets face it, it's not the kids fault. It's the parents. Quick side note for all the ''cool mommy bloggers'' out there, a bar is no place for a kid, and let alone for a miss behaved kid. I don't want to have to text my date sitting opposite of me, because I can't hear what he's saying over the loud screaming. Let me point out that all bars in America are 21+ and nobody is complaining about it, yet here not allowing kids in a freaking bar is enough to start world war three.
Another thing I can't stand, no Karen I will not change my mind and then it will be too late. And no I'm not still young and have time to look at the world differently, and see kids as a blessing. I'm pissed the fuck off everyday when I wake up that the government doesn't allow me to get my tubes tied till I turn 35 without at least 5 different shrink examinations, as if I'm completely insane for wanting such an unthinkable thing. And my favourite ''what if you meet your dream man and he wants kids''. This one particularly fans the flames of my fury. Let me put it into simple words, he could be Tom Cruise himself and if he'd want children he is no longer my dream man, we are no longer a perfect match. I don't understand women. Like...it's your body? It's not his. And if you don't want kids but he does, and the compromise is that you have them? Who's making the bigger sacrifice here? Also why should a woman be the one to relent? My dream man...if I'm his dream woman, why wouldn't he listen to what I want? Why can't we compromise and adopt a pack of dogs? I honestly do not understand women. And then...then! people my mother hasn't seen in a while, they bump into each other in town, all conversations are always the same, I told her to print out index cards with ''yes, no, maybe, soon, fuck no, you too bye''. Because all the conversations are fucking identical. One of the questions is always ''got any grandchildren yet?'' my uterus shrivels up and dies a little bit each time you ask just sayin. And when my mom usually tells them, no and how she most likely never will. The judgemental looks! The horror! Oh my god she might have confessed that she's a witch that eats little babies and the looks would be less accusatory. How is it okay that you sit at a family lunch and a couple announces that they're trying to have a kid, aka literally tells us that they're fucking every night without a condom and it's all ''aww that's so great'' and you say you don't want kids and it's about as controversial as if you just announced you're agreeing with Hitler? Sigh. The phrase ''you know that a parents greatest dream is to become a grandparent and you're depriving yours of that''. Agh! Do people still know how to live a life without the basic need to ''hunt and fuck''? Is there anything more out there I wonder? No no, just the white picket fence, 2,5 kids, a golden retriever and a nine to five job, with weekend brunches with the neighbors who all secretly hate each other. ''Little town full of little people'' if you know what I mean...
Now let me explain in my own words...I know people will skip this and just come to the conclussion oh she hates kids, to the gallows with her...
First of all I think that my choice to not have children is the healthiest and most responsible choice I could possibly make in my life. I strongly believe that if you're not 110% sure that having kids is what you want then you shouldn't have them. Why? Kids are not there to love you unconditionally, so at least someone will, get a dog. Kids are not a fun project you can put aside and come back to after a while. Kids are not there to look after you in your old age because who else will. Kids don't exist to save your collapsing marriage or relationship. Kids are not there to continiue your bloodline. Kids are not toys. If your reasoning and decision making doesn't go pass these lines, which btw are all real examples of crap I've heard, then please do yourself a favour and don't have kids, you'll just ruin 3 lives for the price of one. Have you ever thought just a tiny bit ahead? Having kids on this planet? In this society? In this economy? In this enviromental crisis? In this rising wave of fascism? In this hell we call happy living and fake smiling and pretending we're all so perfectly happy as if the world around us isn't collapsing?
Why have I heard that I'm contributing to the extintion of the human race with my choice so many times, as if it's a bad thing? Y'all know how I feel about people in general terms right? Like I was a second away from starting four lawsuits, one international dispute and serious bodily harm yesterday and all I did was park the car and walk into a shopping mall. I mean I don't wanna go all Thanos on the world but he was right, half of us need to go. I seriously still have the feeling that people just assume I'm either a complete weirdo, which yeah I am but this may be the most normal thing about me, or a complete psychopath that's one leg through the door or a psych ward or maximum security jail. Probably not, but hey, keeping my options open.
I'd not even be here rambling about it because normally I tend to roll my eyes and be like ''ok boomer'' and move on, but it would appear I'm at that age in life where I'm an adult. Which is laughable as is. Me an adult? Please incarcerate the one who decided that's a thing, beacuse there's things in life I shouldn't be trusted with, kids, cars, bank accounts, plants, normal human interaction and clearly shopping. But back to the point, an adult, on paper at least and all my school friends are somewhere out there popping out kids like nobodys business, which after the last two years nobody will convince me they're anything but accidental lockdown babies. Seriously. The amount of Daenerys and Neymar and Kanye or Queen B babies out there is alarming. It would appear that so many couples out there realised once they were forced to spend time together that they don't in fact know each other and they're only compatible in the bedroom, so basically that's all they did...? Or did the responsible thing and split up but jesus the assusations ''you young people can't suck it up in a relationship at all''. Okay Karen but why should I? A relationship, out of love anyways shouldn't be that way? You shouldn't have to ''suck it up'' if you love someone? You should talk things through, love should lift you up, make your life better, it shouldn't depress and trample you. Wtf? Love can't be sucking things up unless it's in a different contex. That I can swallow (like a good girl ;) ).
I look at spoiled screaming kids, running around the mall, exhausted parents too tired or too indeferent to tell them to calm down, I look at them drag kids to concerts to ruin all of our nights, just because there's nowhere to leave them, no grandparents, and selfish parents who don't understand, yea kids mean sometimes you have to just give up certain things, like partying every weekend. I look at kids, kicking animals, treating them like toys because nobody taught them better. I listen to my friends saying how they have to give this up, they have to give that up, they have to stop doing things they love because ''oh you know when the kids came'', no I don't know, it's fine they're your priority as they should be, but you can't allow them to make you lose who you are in the process. I look at kids just generally being awful spoiled brats and think to myself, jesus fucking christ, society seriously doesn't want me to do this? On fucking purpose??? The whole ''settle down'' and have kids. I'm sorry but in my head settle down sounds like dying. You settle down six feet under. Settle down as in you're DOWNgrading. Settle down as in, you've had your fun now your life is over. Nobody ever said you're gonna settle up. Nobody ever says that your life is gonna be oh so wonderful. Sure all the Karens out there believe that your life is empty and meaningless if all you do is travel, run around and never settle down because children are a blessing. Kinder, kuche, kirche model.
Why is it that you're supposed to have your life all figured out by the time you're 25? Married, career path set, three kids with fourth on the way and there you are day drinking and feeling resentful as if someone forced you down the path you've chosen because that's a ''normal progression of life''. Honestly...I don't need kids to day drink and be resentful, I scroll down facebook for that and lose all will to live and hope for humanity. I don't need to have it all figured it out. I don't need to know what I want and where I'm going. That's the fun of it. There's no one else but me I'm making choices for, and yeah future is a big question mark and it's scary as fuck, that much more with so many things out of my control but also, isn't it exciting? Exciting not knowing where you may go, where you may end up in, when everything is basically wide open and there's nothing holding you back?
And then...lets get to another thing that bothers the fuck out of people. I like living a selfish life. There I said it. I like being selfish. I spend too much time on a daily basis dealing with stupid people that drain the life force out of me. I read too many stupid comments that make me feel like all cognitive thinking had fucking died, I don't need to add up to it. I like being selfish and going to all the concerts I want. I like not having to answer to anyone when I wanna get up in the middle of the night and go for a run because the city is quiet and peaceful and empty. I like blowing my money on music that looks nice on shelves but I never listen to it, books that I have yet to read, booze that makes life livable and clothes that I already don't know where to put. I like being spontaneous. Well. I like pretending that I am, while we all know I that leaving the house is the same as stepping on a mine field for me, and a good friday night actually means a glass (more like a bottle) of Chardonnay and video games, or some dumb tv show that just barely maintains my mental health in a semi operational mode. But that's besides the point. Point is that I have the option of being spontaneous. I am free to do whatever the fuck I want.
Honestly you guys, I can barely keep my plants alive, the hell would I do with a kid? I can barely keep myself alive and mostly injury free, while I run into every single freaking piece of furniture and lamps we own, like a complete fucking ditsy idiot. Or clash with car doors on a regular basis. Not to mention the swearing? I mean you guys are reading this...Y'all don't think I'd be able to censor myself with all the fuck fuckity fucking fucker bullshit going on daily. And how about all the crap child psychologist tell you lately? You have to know how to scold kids to avoid future trauma? It's like you can't tell them shit no more, I guess that's why we're witnessing this ''never saying no'' modern parenting bullshit now aye? Can you imagine we're the ones not processing generational trauma but passing it on instead to our kids? Oh my god. I'd not wish my generational trauma to my enemies let alone kids, that's too much for anyone to untangle, let alone battle the nuclear winter we're clearly setting up to leave behind to our descendants. Yeah. Nuclear winter. I don't think we're going in the direction of life in a Star Warsy post apocalyptic modern fucking 500G internet life, where everyone shits rainbows and cries glitter.
Why do humans feel the need to procreate? Because we're genetically programmed to do so? Because our hormonal and psychological influences are just fueled by society pressures and the urges in pretty much most cultures how that's the most normal and natural thing? That you're not normal if you don't do it? What does that mean for those that can't have kids? Like medically can't have kids? That they're unnatural as is? Branded as freaks? God's contraception? Which one is it? Why do people feel the need to reproduce at all without thinking of adoption first? Just wondering...why would you feel the need to be anything but the cool aunt, that strolls into a family lunch late, with a feathery boa, a bottle of wine and a catch phrase of ''what's up bitches?''. Some might call that childish which I find idiotic, since ya know, men are allowed to never grow up ''boys will be boys'' while women have to take care of everything, even the majority of the child responsibilites, nevermind having to grow it for nine months and bring it on this planet alone.
The other day I read an article about ''reasons that motivate people to procreate'' let me tell you something mr...whoever the fuck you are that wrote this crap, sit yo ass down and shut up. ''Because I felt the instinct to have kids'' what kinda instinct is that? The only instinct I feel when I run into kids is to run away. I'd say run away screaming but it would apear children are the only ones that get away with screaming in public. ''Happiness and meaning in life'' oh my fucking god. Like...are kids the only thing that give life meaning? Is there nothing else worth living in your life? Have you ever considered just how unfair and what a heavy burden that is on a child to be the ''meaning'' in your life? ''Extension of me, to create people who are pieces of me'' yeah thank you I think one of me is one too many, we don't need to duplicate the weirdness, drama and trauma. ''To make my partner stay with me'' sure, kids will save your marriage, hows that 50% divorce rate treating ya? This is bullshit, all of it, and putting it together on a list makes me feel like, jesus christ we really could use a parenting class, teach people to be the best versions of themselves before they try to pass on any knowledge or ideas or whatever the fuck else to their offspring.
That's about it, rant over, now excuse me while I go max out my credit card on a couple of concert tickets and open a bottle of whatever I have hidden in the back of the fridge, and sob over the OFMD trailer that just dropped. Because you know, I can.
