I know, I know. Your annual ''how I hate Christmas'' blog is missing. I'd like to say I'm older and wiser now, or that I changed my mind and started celebrating it, but lets be serious we all know that's not the case. What's different this year is that maybe I've done some soul searching or looking into myself, or that deep dark pit that's supposed to be my soul (tbh it's M.I.A.) and realised some things.
First one being I still despise Christmas movies and music with a burning passion, they're tacky, overly joyful and just tastless. That aint ever going to change. If I hear that god awful disgusting whatever it is song (you know the one? Mariah Carey sings it?) again I might actually massacre half this town. ''All I want for Christmas''? Is for you to shut up. Second thing is that people just go into a frenzy. Like literally people are insane, with their mass buying and forced smiles, and fake ''oh I love my family so much'' bullshit, arguing over parking spaces and last article of god knows what in stores…yeah I can't stand that. Don't mind me just on an urgent tampon run but it feels like I have to battle 7 levels of inferno first before I get them.
I hate hate HATE the consumers market revolving around a family. The Christian type family that is. Mom, dad, kids. I have nothing against it btw, but I have a whole lot against it being forced down our throats like that. News flash, a lot of kids don't have what you call a ''normal family'' (what even is normal anyway), a lot of us don't have a functioning family at all, and honestly? It's painful watching all this. It really is. Don't you think all kids want that? Don't you think I want that? I hate the marketing of a million products we have to buy in order to be happy. Sigh. A lot of people can't afford the bare needs no more so guess what Santa is skipping their kids this Christmas. How do you think they feel? I honestly hate that.
But I think the biggest thing for me might be a form of PTSD. There hasn't been one. Just fucking ONE December without arguing in my house. I haven't had one nice holiday since I was like eight yearsold celebrating it somewhere up in the mountains. But really, it's always the same. I dread December because for me it's filled with screaming, pointless arguments, slamming doors and silent mass. And it's hell. I would honestly enjoy some tacky lights, and poorly wrapped presents and pumpkin spice everything and just for a few hours forgetting the world outside and just having a nice quiet family meal. It seems to me we can't even do that no more. Everything turns into an argument. Either political, religious or just completely idiotic as in why are your car keys on the counter and not in the hallway. As if it freaking matters. It's my problem when I can't find them aint it?
I didn't mean the fake smiles and fake happiness and just forcing to get through it with a bottle of wine and stupid jokes type family events which I have been suffering through in the past and only recently realised the full aspect of how fake they actually were. I meant…I don't even know really, y'all watched Supernatural? In season 3 there's a ''a very Supernatural Christmas'' episode. The brothers are somewhere on the road alone, and they make do with like a branch with car fresheners instead of ornaments and silly gas station gifts, but it's not that that matters but them, celebrating, because they are family and each other is all they really need? Kinda like that. Or maybe like when I was actually little like five and up and my dad and I did a nativity scene with dinosaurs that ate baby Jesus. Well might be a bit disrespectful now that I think about it but it's still a fond memory. And we actually made food together, and ate together and watched Die Hard which is still the best Christmas movie out there. Do not fight me on this.
Maybe I wasn't as bitter if I didn't lose everyone I cared most about in December, if I didn't argue with my family non stop, if I didn't get lawsuits from the rest of my family and the bank a day before the holiday start, if I felt like there is something to celebrate after all. Maybe if the forced happiness wouldn't make me gag and if people around me were nicer even if just playing nice. Idk. Maybe that would change things. But until it does I'll sit here with a bottle of wine because aint nothing that dulls the pain like Rose, and here's to hoping that a concert I really wanted to see tonight happens. If not it will the fourth in the row this month to be cancelled. Ah 2022 the gift that never stops giving aye.
But my bitterness aside I wish you guys a very Merry Christmas, to all you celebrate, I hope you have a great time, with your families whatever type of family it is, with your kids, partners, cats, plants. Whatever floats your boat. And to the rest of you who don't celebrate, I hope you find the strength to get through it, lord knows it aint easy, and if you want just a tiny sprinkle of holidays in your life, may I suggest a cute book to read?
Cheers, may the booze flow slow and the time pass fast.
