She comes like electric lover, she got me reeling got me losing control.

Alright family...another monday. Ugh. I hate mondays. This one even more because it's a holiday. Some holiday alright. I'm not sure if it's Easter or the end of the world. Pretty sure I've seen two older women beating the shit out of eachother for the last ham. Uh excuse me? What are we doing? The hunger games? Are you absolutely insane? I thought the point is spending time with your family if anything not stuffing your face into oblivion. Jesus Christ. Since you probably noticed I am not a fan of the holidays at all. Valentines day disgusts me and Christmas makes me want to murder first George Michael for that god awful song and then every single person that says Merry Christmas. These are religious holidays, I'm not religious, I don't appreciate having then pushed down my throat for the sake of your ''tradition''. Also I hate people who go to church, invite the whole family over, make a bunch of food and do all the shenanigans for the sake of ''tradition''. Uh excuse you? There's always place and time for new traditions. Wanna have Christmas in July? Go for it. Who the fuck can tell you you can't do that? Feel like coloring eggs in November? Why the fuck not? People are too close minded they live in their god damn boxes and thinking they have to do what society tells them to do in order to be excepted. Well fuck that. That's no way to live. Feels more like a prison to me. I find it so idiotic when people stare at me like I have two heads when I say I don't celebrate nor Easter and nor Christmas. I don't care about your god. He could be doing backflips butt naked on top of Mt Everest and I wouldn't care. I find it hypocritical that saying I believe in Odin, Thor, Balder, Frey, Freya, Loki...makes me insane, make people laugh themselves to death but believing into a man that turned water into wine, walked on water, a virgin birth of a child by a child, a talking snake, incest, well that's so damn normal right? Let me just point out that Easter actually is a rip off of the Pagans. ''Easter'' comes from the Saxon Goddess ''Eostre''. The easter bunny and the whole egg hunt comes from German Pagan myths. And the whole image of the ''god'' buried in his tomb only to rise again on Easter is in fact a Pagan one. This day actually marked spring therefore rebirth. That's all there is to it. But can we just take a look how confusing Easter really is? I mean if you grow up Christian alright you get the ''point'' of it but if you're like me...all the religion I got was from Supernatural and Dr. Who then you're just sitting here thinking ''what the fuck is the matter with these people??''. I mean a giant rabbit *huh?* hides eggs *what?* in your house or in your backyard, then you go on an ''egg hunt'' and when you've found them congratulations you have an egg. Of maybe if you're lucky a chocolate egg because who really wants a hardboiled egg thats been burried under a god damn bush anyways? I mean I remember finding out the Tooth fairy and Santa are fake but nobody ever told me the Bunny isn't real because honestly I just knew that that's fucking bullshit in my head. A giant rabbit. Rabbits don't lay eggs. Such fucking nonsense. Can you for a moment imagine you forget one of the eggs you hid in your house for the hunt? Now that's the kinda smell I don't need in my life thanks. And the last thing that bothers me is the whole corruptive part of it. It's not a family holiday it's a lets pull as much money we can from stupid people type holiday. When I was a kid my family did a sort of Easter thing because everyone in my daycare was religious so I wouldn't feel ''left out''. To be honest I never minded being different or special in that way but still they tried bless their souls. Point is when I was a kid, for easter the bunny brought candy or fruit, or like a small toy or something yet these days the bunnys seem to be fucking billionares. The other day in front of me at the store there was a woman, obviously buying presents for Easter, she spent way over 100 fucking euros and I remember just gawking at her. Jesus fucking christ lady are you insane? Though while we are on the present subject...I was informed that there is a ''Benedict Cumberbatch chocolate easter bunny'' and to be fair I wouldn't be opposed to having that as a present. Hah. On a serious note, I don't care what you believe, what you celebrate. In a free world you're allowed to do whatever the fuck you please, all I want is a little breather to those of us who don't. I don't care about no pope, the mass, all the religious crap *you have a commandment ''thou shall not kill'' yet there's meat on your table during Easter? Funny* the traditions, your god damn family, the lent, the fact that all you really do is eat yourself into a coma. Your problem, just stop staring at me like I'm insane or thinking I'm insane because I don't do religious holidays. Get it? Got it? Good. I'm done. Happy Holidays, spend it with people that matter to you, even if it is by yourself listening to music. Sometimes you is the most important to you and that's completly okay.

Alright back to my music. Which is of course far more important then any holiday ever will be...

This was actually the first brand new record that I got. Thing is I listen to very little music made after like 95. Let's be honest. Good music just died after 2000. So therefore most my records are first press the 80's or the 90's a couple of them even older from the 70's and I have a few from the 60's that are in surprisingly good condition. Now I always saw the guys from Guns as Guns n' Roses it was rather hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that they're all individuals and make music on their own. Insanely good music that is. I found myself falling in love with Duff's voice. Man he can sing. But that's not the point. Slash is a guitar god. Whatever he does is amazing. I mean this was his third solo album and all the fucking killer riffs and tasty solos...jesus christ orgasm on a vinyl. I think I like this one best to be honest. First two were awesome but this...this one is perfect. The songwriting is more consistent, the songs feel more hard driving, the entire album feels like it just sucks you in and makes you listen from start to finish. The riffs in 30 years to life, Shadow life, Wicked stone were like the best of Slash's work, not counting the early GN'R of course. I mean Wicked stone would feel right at home on a Guns album and let's not even start with 30 years to life where Slash doubled up with a rhythm guitar to create a mindblowing rock anthem. I absolutely adore Miles' voice on Stone blind, reminds me so much of Axl Rose in Brownstone. And to be fair I had never heard a sick riff - solo as there is in Withered Delilah and at the end of Beneath the Savage sun. Fucking guitar genius I tell you that. I love that it ends with The Unholy because it has this dark vibe it kinda fits together you know? And on the end of the day Miles is completly underrated. His voice is amazing. Alter Bridge are such a good band and when you throw those vocals together with the insanity that is Slash you get a completly mindblowing combination that leaves you gasping on the ground begging for more. Hah. See what I did there? On a serious note it really is amazing, such a great album, the music, the lyrics, the vocals. All of it is perfect. Now though I already expressed which songs I feel are the best, the song I enjoy most is actually Dirty girl. Long story for another time but it's my favorite even if some people called it a ''filler'' that makes the record too long. Not. Anyways if you're a fan of either Alter Bridge, Guns n' Roses or just rock music in general, go pick this one up because you won't regret it. If you don't...well you don't know what you're missing.

I can't wait to see it, you just won't believe it the things she does. There may never be two ways about it. Everything she do just turns me on. Anything I need she gonna find it put it where I know it don't belong. She gonna go all night yeah, she does like it when you take it real slow, online my dirty girl. She make me feel alright yeah, she runs clean until the lights are down low say, online my dirty girl.

I can't wait to see it, you just don't believe it the things she does. Anything you like she gonna show it from behind a pixelated view. Drop another dime she will expose it, do the things that no one else will do. She gonna go all night yeah, she does like it when you take it real slow, online my dirty girl. She make me feel alright yeah, she runs clean until the lights are down low say, online my dirty girl.

Oh my dirty girl she gets the best of me but I keep coming back for more.

P.S. The Walking dead...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Don't mind me I'll just sit here crying myself to death. How dare you?!

The 80's are alive and well.

I was thinking today when did I stop looking forward to fridays. When I realized that saturday and sunday are just another day of the week and honestly my studying and working never end so...not to mention in a town like this there's very little to do...maybe during the summer time but right now...it's pretty bleek. So excuse the lack of excitment on my end. I'll probably curl up in front of my tv and catch up with Supernatural or the Vikings. Sounds like a plan alright. So anyways, I survived the week! The dentist was less painful then I expected and the exam went better then it should considering how little I actually studied. I've got more luck then brain I tell you that much. I only got 4 more exams and 4 finals and I am done with school forever.If I don't do something stupid and decide to study another thing because lets face it what else do I have to do. Hah. As much as I dislike studying I don't mind the general picture you know, knowlege is power, there's never too much of that. Though there's more useless information then useful but it's enough to intrigue me to look into things on my own. Well in that spirit...I tried drawing John Lennon about six or seven times so far and it never actually worked out, something was always wrong, didn't look right, didn't feel right...I mean I know my fellow artists out there can relate right? But right now I think it's going pretty well...

Going to take forever to have it finished though. I'm going to take my time with this one, I don't want to fuck it all up. Again. In the spirit of good news, Slash posted a video just now with locations for what I'm guessing is the USA tour. I literally forgot how to breathe for a second there. Is this really happening? Like for real? Am I just dreaming? If I am please don't wake me up. This is a dream I don't want to be woken up from. Ever. I really wanted this for so damn long I can't believe it's happening now. Holy shit I'm excited!

Oh! Since I'm feeling a little...or a lot...narcissistic today I'll share some pictures with you. My best friend is a photographer so I tend to ''suffer'' as his model a lot. He says he likes my face, that I'm photogenic. Maybe. Never felt like that's the truth but hey he should know what he's talking about right? Anyway this time the theme was ''the 80's'' which we know are right down my alley. Though I'd be happier if we'd went with more metal, hard rock style which is more me instead of pop but arguing with the artist is pointless. Trust me I know. Nobody wins. Either way here are some out takes and two of the actual pictures he took...

Now I'm going to end this on a serious matter. I take it you all heard about the recent attack in Brussels? Disgusting. There are hardly proper words to describe how sick and disgusted I feel. But I'm not going to say ''pray for Brussels'' firstly because it's silly, I am not religious myself so why say it? And second because it's not just Brussels. It's the entire world we should pray for. It's fucked up and it's horrible and it's full of hate. And to be fair more often then not I am just tired of it. Completly totaly done with it. I'm tired of feeling like this, worrying, looking over my shoulder, the fear though I say I'm not afraid, it's down there somewhere and I hate it. My condolences to all the victim's families. Stay strong.

I don't do holidays but happy holidays to those of you who do, hope you get to spend it with your families or whoever is most important to you. Take care, stay safe.

So nevermind the darkness we still can find a way.

Lazy weekend behind me. I literally did nothing. Don't think I don't feel guilty now but sometimes you just have to do nothing. Still recovering from the sickness I had - have. It just won't go the fuck away. And I'm mad as hell because I have a shit ton of stuff to do and zero energy. I mean I don't want to be bothered. Like just leave me alone. That would be awesome. But when is life ever that easy? Never.

I've seen the movie Soaked in bleach on saturday. I guess it kinda really upset me. I mean I never thought that Kurt Cobain killed himself. Never for a second. I suppose 20% is the fan in me not wanting it to be true and the other 80% is that things just don't add up. I won't point fingers on anyone. I don't know who did it and I don't want to blame anyone though we all know *coughcourtneycough*. What upsets me is the attitude the police showed towards the entire case. And not just because it's Cobain but in general. How can you fuck up an investigation so much? Don't you believe he deserves justice too? I do. I wish someone took it serious, did a proper investigation and put the thing to rest and let him rest in peace. He deserves that much.

In the mean time, rest in paradise, we love you, thank you for everything.

Now...I thought for a while about what to post. Which record to pick. It isn't as easy as it may seem. I love so much music and I have so many albums...but then you know...it is what it is and we all know that my love for my favorites always wins...specially now when these tour rumors are getting louder and louder...*oh please dear god let it be the truth* so here we are...

I love this album so much. Like you don't understand how much I love it. Don't cry, the original which is on it is my favorite song by Guns. One of my favorite songs in general actually. It's beautiful. His voice is amazing. The guitars, the bass, the drums, sweet jesus it's perfect. All of it. I can honestly say I loved this band my entire life. I mean that's saying something about my sufferning considering November rain came out around the same time I was born and it all went downhill after that. Unfortunally. But I've always loved Guns. I remember the greatest hits CD playing in my mothers car non stop, which I believe it still does now. An amazing CD by the way...I mean to me Appetite is still the shit always will be, I think it's their best work hands down *hey I still may be surprised, there's people saying they're recording new music right? Though my heart hurts I just want Iz and Stevie with them* but Use your Illusion was amazing. I think some of Izzy's best songs are right on that record, McKagan that rhytm, christ, Slash, that guitars holy fucking hell, the drums fucking amazing and Axl, there's no point in saying anything it's obvious why he is one of the best vocalists on the planet. Think of it this way though Illusion had to be one of the most ambitious rock albums of all times I mean nobody ever dared to release two separate albums at the same time before. Let alone make them over 70 minutes long each. It was very bold, daring and dangerous but in the long run proved to be a good move. I believe I read somewhere once that it was Axl's idea because a box set of the records would be too expensive for the fans or something like that? I don't know if that's true though. Could be. I mean the songs on this record are just...wow. It starts with Right next door to hell which is fast, catchy, and has that Appetite for destruction feel, then you have Don't cry which I already stated was my favorite and not picking sides but it might as well be one of the best power ballads ever done, the lyrics are beauitful and that ''tonight'' on the end...Amazing. And that fucking ripping perfect solo from Slash on Back of bitch. Are you fucking kidding me? Guitar god. This is why he was and always will be my favorite guitar player and biggest music inspiration. Then there's November rain. I'm pretty sure I came close to having my first words ''November'' or ''rain''. This song was constantly played in our house. All the time. And still today so many years later it remains my mothers favorite and also one of my favorites. It's beautiful. The orchestral background, the piano parts and guitar riffs...love the finale of the song, love the entire story to it, fantastic lyrics, they're not sappy they have a message...I think what they're trying to say is sometimes when it's fucking pouring rain we just have to walk away but hold on because nothing lasts forever and in the end everything will be alright. Or at least that's how I see the song. It makes me feel better when I'm down because it makes it easier to believe that everything will be alright someday. Anyways there are a few albums in rock history that I believe are damn near perfection and this one is definatelly on that list. So I don't know what the guys are planning, what the new music is going to be like, if there even really is new music comming out but I know this, ten years ago or fifty fucking years in the future this album will always be one of my favorites and there's nothing that could change it. There will never be a band as good as they are ever again. So this is an album *along with Illusions II.* that everyone should own and just play it and enjoy it every now and again because it's amazing and like I said nobody will ever knock them off that throne. So guys if you have this record, put it on, enjoy it, love it, go crazy, I know I will. On friday when all the shit waiting for me this week is over. Hah. Enjoy your week, make it your bitch. Stay safe!

So you can drag me through hell if it means I can hold your hand.

Can't say this is excatly how I imagined my morning to go. Standing in the shower, shampooing my hair where suddenly the water goes out and I am informed that the neighbors are working on something so the water is going to be shut down for the next two hours. Yet the bitch ''forgot'' to mention. Let me point out that I'm lying on my bed in a towel, soap and shampoo all over my body and not even cold water to rinse that out. Life is wonderful is it not?

Have you guys seen the new Bring me the horizon video? No? Please do check it out because...holy shit it's good. Also this song is awesome, gotta say one of my favorites of of this album.

Guess who got all their shit done today? Well not me but someone probably did. Hah. I don't know is it this weird cold thing that fucked me up so bad or what it was but jesus christ I have no energy lately. For nothing. And I get so mad and frustrated because you know I have shit to do and I'm just putting it off. Why? It's not that I'm lazy it's that I literally can't bring myself to do stuff. I can't even finish up a drawing request I have laying around. I think it's about time I say enough is enough and bring myself to do something. Good luck with that one aye. It's kinda like that text message of ''inspiration'' my friend sent me the other day ''if Nikki made it throgh the 80's then you sure as fuck can make it through today''. I mean I'm not saying that's not true but I'm not particulary happy about it. The near thought that he could be dead right now makes me sick. Suppose I have a hard time coping with death. Then again who doesnt? Actually no, I've met a few people who ''handle loss differently''...I mean alright I understand people are different and I'm aware that all living things die but I just don't understand certain things. Like how can you say loosing a loved one wouldn't affect you just because you look at death ''differnetly''? I suppose those are words from people who never lost anyone who really mattered to them. Or am I just too ''sensitive''? I'm really confused sometimes. People can be so weird. I mean either everyone around me is insane or I'm insane I really don't know anymore. I wish I had some anwsers but life is rarely that easy huh? Am I really THAT different? To a point where I can't get along with nobody? Am I completly alone? Is there really nobody like me? With the same passion for art and music, with the same dreams for something better. With as much love for animals and nature. With the same ammount of hate for certain things like judgment based on appearance or animal cruelty, or people who are rude just because they don't agree with you. We can all have our own opinions and they don't have to be the same. Or people with a superior problem, people who think they are so much better then you. Or people who pretend to be your friends but you turn around and they stab you in the back. Yeah pretty much all of the above. People will always be people, they disappoint you, they hurt you, they use you...I suppose I should be used to it by now huh?

Anyways enough about that how about something more positive? Here are some concert pictures I got printed out...

This is a developing problem though. I have no more space. They are literally everywhere by now. Not that I mind, I mean it's always nice to have something beautiful to look at. Maybe I should have like a photo album huh? That would solve my problems right away. Wait a second this is actually not such a bad idea like a ''book'' type thing with photos, tickets, maybe guitar picks if I'm ever lucky again to catch some more. My fellow concert goers you know how hard that is right? Also, check out these...

I literally found these, I wouldn't actually buy records with basically two songs on them. To much work flipping them over all the time. Heh. But well these are nice, I do like Tom Jones, Frank Sinatra and Elvis. I mean of course it's Elvis after all. They used to be my aunts. She had a big collection but to my missfortune it was mostly classical music which you know I respect but just can't stomach. Except like Clair de lune...that one is really beautiful. I imagine I have all the Twilight fans paying attention just about now? Heh. Calm down kids this has nothing to do with Twilight I knew and loved the song before they even used it. In other news I didn't fuck up the exam on tuesday, got another 90% which is great but it also kinda bugs me, I just can't seem to climb back to 100% I don't know why. I'll shut up now because next week I have a really hard exam lined up and I'll be happy if I pass much less 90%...I'd probably danced butt naked on my street in the rain if that ever happens. Hah. Don't get excited. It's not happening. Ever. Aight I best be getting back to my studying...which is what I'll be doing the entire weekend, study and get ''stoned'' with sage tea and candy maybe my throat and voice will go back to normal then. Wishful thinking aye? Have a good weekend guys, stay safe and have a drink for me too lord knows I need it after a week like this one. Cheers!

And if I'm wrong or if I'm right I don't give a damn tonight, you bring out the worst in me, you might be bad but sure feels good to me.

Basically it's been a week since Simple plan and if you think that I'm not really suffering from a post concert depression...well you are wrong. I am. Like big times. I hate this part so much. You get tickets and plan and wait for so long then it's over so fast. I mean why the fuck am I complaining huh? Already planning two new gigs...ah well...you know me what would I write about if I didn't mope and complain? My throat is still killing me. Cursing all the saints because of it. Jesus christ. I have an important exam tomorrow. What am I saying they are all important. Tho this one...I failed this one last year. An ART exam. Literally I failed an art exam. I had never been as mad or upset about school since. I mean I pass math but fuck up art? How is that even possible. It was all about some god damn architectural drawings that I obviously don't know shit about. I mean that's what's bothering me just because I can't do that doesn't make me a bad artist. I mean Monet could never do what Picasso did or vice versa and they are still Monet and Picasso. Not that I'm comparing myself to them but you get the point. So bottom line let's hope tomorrow goes better specially after the assignment was ''build a chair'' what am I fucking Jesus? He was a carpenter. I'm a portrait artist, what do I know about furniture? Obviously nothing. But I handled that better then I thought I will. It's the ''prehistoric sculpture'' that made me sweat like a whore in church. I gave up 4 times halfway through then managed to make a ''slob'' that's supposed to be a womans head. Like excuse me I wasn't around in that time I don't know what they did and how nor did I ever ventured into sculpting, I hate it. I despise it. And I wasn't excatly jumping to the idea of cutting my nails for this. Uh no.

Ah thank you iTunes shuffle for throwing out Sweet child o mine. I adore that song but right now I'd be better off without it. Still moping about missing Reckless roses on saturday yes. And I'll be moping for a while. Come on they are a really good band. And I'm still counting my blessings that Duff, Ax and Slash are actually in the same room that's a big deal alone I'm not going to get all excited that I might see then someday then have my heart broken again. No sir. I saw Guns 2 Roses once though and they were awesome. Hah. Alright alright enough let me get to the point. The records! How about a pick up line first?

''Roses are red, vinyl is black. Fuck the bouquet send me a stack''. Heh.

Now this weeks record is my baby. I will probably have to buy another copy just because I listen to this one all the damn time it's going to get all worn out hah. No seriously though it's perfect.

Oh by the way we strongly recomend plastic covers to protect your records in this house. Now the music. Oh my god. I love it so much. Like so much you have no idea. Even ''Cherry pie'' which is a little over played by now. It's my ringtone though and I absolutely adore it. Hah. Come on ''I saw red'', ''Uncle Tom's cabin'', ''Bed of Roses'', ''Blind faith''...amongst all the rest of course, such good songs I could have them on reply and never stop listening to them because they are just absolutely perfect. I love this record way more then ''Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich" though that one is good as well. But I really love and admire the fact that they stayed true and original to their sound. Like I say for every other record I own but come on guys this one also belongs in every collection. It's definitely an example of "metal" at it's finest, it's fun, rebellious, a little bit naughty. I love that about it. The naughty part heh. For the easily offended, purchase the copy that does not include "Ode to Tipper Gore", which is not actually a song but just a shit ton of profanities clipped from live performances. Lol. Mine doesn't have that unfortunaly. The guys in Warrant were clearly trying to make a point about censorship, but not everybody appreciated it. I know I'm not particulary happy about the ''beep'' on my Train Train when he says ''all a fucking board'' or should I say ''all a beeep board''. This band and this record is so underrated it's not even fair. I love it to a point where it's probably unhealthy but you know...I don't care. Hah. Favorite song...this is always the hardest part. All songs on this record are so good, like seriously every damn song is perfect but for some reason I'm going to have to go with Bed of Roses. I don't know, it's just...I don't even know I love that one most. Anyways buy it, steal it, download it, I don't even care what you do but get it because it's perfect and you'll love it. If you don't...then we can't be friends. Like literally we can't be friends.

''If the moon and stars should fall they'd be easy to replace, I would lift you up to heaven and you would take their place'' rest in peace angel, I miss you.

Well looks like I'll be staying inside for another day, feeling sorry for myself and maybe work on a drawing request that I have. It's a good one and by good I mean really hard I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it. Yeah that hard. But better that then drooling over online stores with records. My bank account already hates me because there's a problem I have ''just one more'' ''I promise this is the last one'' ''okay seriously no more'' she said about 20 records later. I have a problem I know. Hah. In the mean time enjoy this colored *!* piece of Mr. Bret Michaels. I keep getting shit for this but I do actually like Poison more then just ''Every rose has it's thorn'' so get over it.

Well guys have a great week, wish me luck tomorrow and I sure hope y'all Hiddleston fans are still alive after last night's The night manager because I'm pretty sure I have trouble breathing or even living after....THAT. It left me uncomfortably hot under the collar. Hah. Well take care, stay safe.

Are we even human why does this room feel like outer space?

I've been feeling paranormal when you and I are standing face to face, when the worlds collide two hearts one mind close encounters of the very best kind every time. Are we even human why do we feel so out of place?

Should I be thankful I'm sick after the concert or can I be pissed I'm sick at all? Damnit this is the worst possible time for me to be sick. I've got so much studying still left to do I aint got no time to be sick. Not to mention this sore throat will be the death of me. Hurts like a mother fucker. Also lying sick in bed with my laptop isn't an ideal situation for anyone, not my tumblr account, not my bank account and definatelly not for the fact I can fall into another binge watching of another tv show I had never heard of before. Maybe this is the right time to finally start watching the Game of thrones and Shadowhunters. Sounds like a plan alright. Though I am convinced if there's a god above he hates me. There's a club concert in town tomorrow. A band called Reckless Roses is playing. They're a tribute band for Guns N' Roses and this is the third fucking time I'm missing out on them for whatever reason. What kind of karma is that? Who does that? How is that even fair? And then there's my family ''you saw Simple plan be happy'' or ''you're seeing Alice Cooper stop complaining'' uh for real? I mean I am happy and grateful but come on you can't just...jesus christ! Of course I'm not happy I'm gonna be home, sick on a saturday night. I rarely go out because there's rarely anything even interesting to me happening around and the one time it is..well this happens. I might as well crawl back to my bed and sob in misery. Life really is unfair. Not to mention I'm just really tired and done with the world. But hey in good news I had an art history exam yesterday, still mentally kicking my ass for not knowing the 20th century artists better but well I got about 89% on the test, should be happy about that huh? Specially after I studied maybe two hours. I couldn't focus at all partly because how can you focus after a concert like the one on sunday night? Jesus christ that smile...and partly because dates are boring and I was already comming down with this stupid flu or whatever it is feeling like hell not being able to concentrate. I guess it's true I'll never be good at math and geography or chemistry but at least I'm good in art, history and music. Should count for something don't you think? Shadowhunters looks promising, just saw the trailer and also a new episode of the Vikings is on. Should keep me busy for a while. Nothing like lying in bed with a zebra plush blanket surrounded by pictures of all your favorite boys and a good tv show. Maybe being sick aint so bad after all. Who am I kidding it's terrible. Uh. I sure hope your weekend goes better then mine will...I'll just, wallow in misery with my favorite boys they're the only thing making me happy to be fair...

Yup happy happy happy. Oh right! I forgot there's a new band I totally love! Y'all should go check it out, they're called Santa Cruz, they kinda remind of We Are Harlot. Really good. So yeah check em out, learn it, live it, love it and I'll see you on monday. Cheers guys, stay safe or better yet stay healthy ;)

Take my hand tonight.

Music monday is a bit different today. No record sharing. I am running on as little as two hours of sleep in the past two nights but OH MY GOD was my night amazing or what. I don't need reminders of why I love this band but it never harms getting some. They are my sunshine, my hapiness, my entire world. I love them so so SO much. I feel like their third concert I saw was the best one. They played Take my hand which is one of my favorite songs and I didn't even think I'll ever get to hear it live. I might have lost it a bit there. Well to be fair I lost it the same second they came on stage. Probably screaming all too hysteric. What else is new huh? The fact that my voice is gone sure isn't. Hah. Happens all the time. Even though getting into the THIRD row was hell. Like I mean literal hell. The crowd, the pushing, the squeeze you till your face goes all blue from lack of oxygene...ah yes. All that. But can I say it's worth it? I was right in the front like two meters in front of David who we all know I had a ''tiny'' crush on for the past thirteen years. Fuck has it really been that long? Hah. Even I can't believe it sometimes. Guess it's true what their song says ''cuz baby this ship aint never gonna sink''. I wish I could see more then one show though. One is never enough. I could watch them night after night after night and never get bored of them. The energy on stage, the songs, the smiles, the crowd screaming their lyrics as loud as they can. Holy hell it's perfect. Also the two openings ''The bottom line'' and ''Ghost town'' I didn't really know them before but fuck me they were good. I LOVED them. I love this venue in Wien ''Gasometer'' it's my favorite concert venue I've been in so far and I've seen a lot of them. Well I guess nothing beats a stadium but that's a different story. Third time is a charm they say because guess what guess what guess what??? I GOT DAVIDS GUITAR PICK. OH MY GOD. I completly freaked out there. Like those of you who know me know how much I've wanted one or better yet how crazy I am about that man. Hah. He was smiling the whole night, our eyes locked a couple of times and I felt like I'll melt into a puddle on the ground. Christ almighty. Not to mention that there's now a signed CD in my collection to which my family was completly oblivious to ''but mom you don't understand they literally touched this CD'' and she's like ''so what? It's not like it was Mick Jagger'' uh hello? They are my Mick Jagger. I don't care if they may never reach the fame and glory and succsess that the Rolling stones have. I don't care because for me they are better because I love them more then I'll ever love any band or any musician ever. Yes, more then Motley Crue more then Skid Row and more then Guns n' Roses combined. So at this point I would like to thank them yet again for making me happy, making the bad days less horrible, for always being here for me, for making me feel stronger and better. For picking me off the ground when I thought my entire world is falling apart. For giving me courage when I wanted to give up. Thank you, thank you, thank you, I love you so much.

Take my hand tonight let's not think about tomorrow, take my hand tonight we could find some place to go cause our hearts are locked forever and our love will never die, take my hand tonight one last time.

We'd go down to the river and into the river we'd dive.

Now those memories come back to haunt me, they haunt me like a curse. Is a dream a lie if it don't come true or is it something worse. That sends me down to the river though I know the river is dry. That sends me down to the river tonight, down to the river my baby and I. Oh down to the river we ride...

Have you ever looked at the Boss' lyrics? Like I mean really look at them. You could make movie scripts out of one song. He tells stories with his songs...beautiful ones, angry ones, disappointed ones, nostalgic ones...And you have absolutely no idea how much I really miss that. I mean what is music lately? Sluts, hoes, swag? Come on. Where's the romance? Love? Rebelion? People wanted to have their hearts broken just to write a good song about it. I miss the music that carried a message, music that inspired you, made you feel things, music that touched you. Because to be fair all that music on the radio now actually makes me wanna do is roll my eyes excessively and get stuck somewhere between wanting to throw up and die just so I won't have to listen to another brain dead song again. Christ. No wonder kids are so damn stupid these days. All the reality shows, the brainless music, the movies they watch? Sweet jesus. They're not smart enough to realize that this is excatly what the world leaders want. Youth too stupid to revolt. If they, well hell, if we'd stand up and fight we could make a revolution. But I guess people are comfortable in their misery. If you shrug it of with ''what can I possibly do'' then you can never do better, you can never hope for a better life a better future. Or a change. I've read it the other day how it's the artists that see the world differently, the people in it, life in general and it's the artists that are often lonely, missunderstood or just plain unhappy in their environment. Fucking wonderful huh? It's a blessing and a curse. Maybe I'd be happier in general if I wasn't an artist if I was just one of the other random brain dead kids whos only fun is getting drunk on friday nights and watch stupid television shows that literally kill brain cells. And then on the other hand what am I without my art? I love drawing, I love photography, I love my music and I can never imagine being without it. I'm just frustrated I suppose...you know that one Simple plan song ''what the fuck is wrong with me don't fit in with anybody''...that's how I feel all the time. I just...I just don't fit in and I don't know how to connect with people, they're so different. I mean I don't even want these people around me. I don't want people that can't keep up conversations around me, I don't want people who's only highlight of their lives are parties, booze, makeup, shoes, boys. Come on. Don't you have bigger goals for yourselves? Is marriage and family really where it ends? I mean for fuck sake, don't you want to live? See the world? Experience life? Sure okay it's nice having someone in your life who's there for you through thick and thin, someone who loves you and understands you, if you're lucky enough to find a person like that in the first place...but still I don't think that should outweight all the rest. Honestly it's my biggest nightmare. Marriage, kids, mind numbing job from eight to four each day, lunch with the neighbors or picnics with friends on the weekends, a golden retriever, a white picket fence, a god damn Prius and and the same vacation spot each summer till the day I die. Oh my god. The thought of it gives me anxiety. Give me a gun now because if that's what my future would be like I don't even want to live to see it. I suppose this is the reason I feel lonely. People just don't see eye to eye on this one with me. I always end up being the weird one, the insane one. But seriously what is so crazy about having my own life as a priority? I want to travel, live, see the world, have a career, be fucking independent. I mean that right there was always more important to me then getting married and having kids. There's so much more to life then just work breed and die. I wish people would see that. Or if nothing else I wish people would understand we're all different, we have different goals, wishes, looks on life and we need to learn how to respect that. Nobody has the right to put somebody else down for something they want to do in their life. If you wanna be a stripper a porn star a prostitute, by all means go for it, I wouldn't dream putting you down for that because I know it wasn't your first choice and I know it takes guts to do a job like that. People need to learn to keep their mouths shut and their noses out of other peoples lives. You don't like my desitions, plans, choices, likes, dislikes, wonderful. But turn the fuck around because I am not here to please the ignorant. It's my life and I am just about done with ''you should, you could, you can't, you're this, you're that'' uh - oh no sweetheart oh no, it's my life, my way, your opinion? It means nothing to me. I don't enjoy being lonely but so help me god better lonely then five more minutes of terrible company. I learned that the hard way. A couple of times, because you know it, I don't make a mistake once, I make it a couple times just to, you know be sure. This is also the reason why I wish I could meet my favorite singers, it's not a groupie thing, or a dating thing or anything else along those lines, I wish we could sit down and talk, about life, love, the world, people...be friends you know...because in this fucked up world where everyone is just staring at me like I'm a complete psycho, they'd understand. I know they would. Alright I'm making this insanely long and I have a feeling y'all snoozed through it a couple times. Hah. If you're still with me thank you, I appreciate you comming this far. Here's a little drawing of the Boss I did yesterday. Finally. It only took me about seven tries till I got it right, and this is the first drawing in a long while I'm actually completly happy with...

How about something more positive to end this post with...I won't be seeing the Boss in Austria as I planned but I will see him in Milan two days sooner. Already got the tickets and I'm over the moon about it. Also I'm seeing my favorite boys again on Sunday and they are bringing Ghost town along! That's two days! Oh my god! For the third time already! I still remember what it was like seeing them for the first time. I was so nervous and excited I accidentaly removed my eyeliner with nail polish remover...yeah that didn't go so well. Hah. Come to think of it second time wasn't any better, we took a quick stop in a cafe on the highway and I threw salt in my coffee instead of sugar. Great job Nikki. Hah. Honestly the Boss is the Boss but Simple plan are a band that means more to me on a different level. We ''grew up'' together. They've always been there. And I'll be forever thankful for that. So safe to say I'm super excited, back in one of my favorite cities and also in my favorite venue which I haven't been in since June 2013. Also there's something I wanted to share...

Just sayin'. So y'all enjoy your weekend, I sure as fuck know I will! And you'll hear all about it on Monday if you want to or not. Take care, stay safe, look after one another. Cheers!