I learned to live half alive, now you want me one more time.

Another Friday you guys. So much shit happened this week that I could sit here and bitch about that alone. How would y'all like that? Maybe that I sit here and babble about the news while I sip Rose? Not even joking something new popped up here ''Wine to go'' Rose in a glass from the store, you just pop the top and drink on the go. Amazing. You know me, Italian wine. Italy. Fuck I miss Italy. And I love wine. But what I meant is, how about a vlog and we go over some interesting news? Yes I know, y'all are just dying for my super smart opinions and views of the world. Hah. Though to be serious I'll start drinking before each outing these days. People. Ugh. I can't take it no more. They're all horrible.

What I find super important which literally happened hours ago is that a new song by Kip Moore came out, it's called ''Good life''. Make sure you go check it out. Far cry from country music. At least that real ''Johnny Cash / Willie Nelson'' type country but I love it, it's different, not what we're used to from him but I love a bit of experimentation. Well I may also be biased. Y'all know I love that boy. And cute story, I can literally buy a signed stage used mike of his but I can't get his last album / deluxe version. Wtf? I'm so fucking pissed. Been really looking forward to it. Oh well ''good'' life aye. 

So instead of a ''smart'' vinyl review which I honestly think nobody really cares about no more here's a short book review. I literally read this book in half a day, it really sucked me in. Which is kinda strange, I'm not usually one for criminal novels. You know me, I like fantasy, and I like romance, but this was a nice change. 

( Jennifer Hillier / Jar of hearts / fiction, criminal, murder, rape )

Quick summary would be that this is a story about three best friends, one was murdered, one went to prison and one was searching for the truth all those years. 

Everything below here will include spoilers so if you don't want to read those, stop right here. 

So what surprised me was that I literally couldn't put this book down. Started reading and then I just had to know how it ends so I spent the entire afternoon completely consumed by it, meaning literally walked to the bathroom holding the book. It really is a riveting book. And it got me thinking. Our choices in life…they really do define us. Yes okay we're not the mistakes we made, hopefully we learned from them too but really, if you do something utterly stupid you gotta suffer the concequences, you gotta pay the price for it. Though I still believe people should be given a second chance. One horrible mistake, one horrible choice, shouldn't mark you as a horrible person for life.

I guess we all kinda got fascinated by murderers at some point, maybe it's just me, in matching onesie with my cat, watching a TV show on Ted Bundy, who lets face it looks like he needs a hug not death penalty. Which I am strongly against btw, not only that punishing a murderer with murder is stupid purely because what does that make you? A murderer right? And also I'm against it because death is easy, it's life that's hard. 

Okay so the book is cut into several parts, it begins with Georgina or Geo for short on trial where she's sentenced to five years in prison for her role in disposing the body of her best friend Angela that went missing 14 years ago. You know the type, Angela type, pretty, cheerleader, popular, loved by everyone. Angela was murdered by Geo's sexy older boyfriend Calvin also known as the ''Sweetbay Strangler''. The heat Geo was getting was for not speaking up sooner because before Calvin was caught two more bodies dropped. I guess yes if she spoke up maybe he'd be caught, but also maybe he wouldn't be. He escaped prison after Geo's trial so who knows what would of happen. 

The whole what if always drives me mad. Always. I keep spinning in circles thinking about my life, what if I was accepted to the school I wanted. What if I never did some stupid shit I did when I was younger. What if I managed to patch up my relationship, where would we be today? What if I was happy? Do I even know what that is? You know what I mean. What and if are just words, but put together have the power to utterly wreck your life. 

The third friend Kaiser (Kai for short, has me on high alert, I love that name so much) is now a cop. Can't decide how I feel about that, you know I love his character but I do not love cops. Lol. If there's any cops reading this, I'm sorry, I'm sure y'all are good people but personal experience says otherwise. But speaking from a point of the story, and the choices we make, whatever happened to Angela happened in highschool when the three were 16. I wonder if that was what made Kaiser go into law enforcement. If certain things happening motivate you, make you wanna do certain things. Would he be a cop if his best friend wasn't missing? Would Geo realise her fiance is no good for her and that her current life isn't really what she should be doing if it wasn't interrupted by jail time? I wonder, is where we are at certain parts of life, exactly where we should be? Even if jail? What if there's some higher purpose. Call it destiny if you will but what if that's exactly what and where we should be no matter how hopeless it feels, because that hoplessness will lead us to something better? 

I gotta say I was fascinated by the character of the Sweetbay Strangler. My family calls me a sociopath each morning when I pour myself a black cup of coffee with no sugar and no milk so maybe that explains it but really I find him fascinating. His general behaviour towards Geo, it's fascinating. Of course the fact that he's a pretty boy pulls you in that much more. You don't expect serial killers to look like top models, you don't expect them to be completely normal, nice, charming. Or maybe you do because that's the best cover up? It's often that serial killers kill women but end up being good husbands and fathers. Isn't that fascinating? 

So just before Geo is released from prison, police discovers two more bodies, one of a child and one of a woman. Another week later, two more bodies are found. And all clues lead to the Sweetbay Strangler. Murders happen in the same way, his way. And while I was lying on my bed muttering ''copy cat'' the entire time under my breath, I will not tell you if I was right or not. Not going to spoil the best part of the book. 

I'd maybe change the ending a bit. Make it more elaborate, it felt a bit rushed. A bit like, the writer has a deadline and instead of giving the story an ending it would deserve you just abruptly end things, some stuff was left…a bit unclear to say the least. That aside, I still liked the idea of the ending, I liked how it ended. You know me I don't do tragic endings so angsty story with a happy end? Perfect. I guess I gave that away now, but the book does in fact have a happy end. Well, depends on who's side you're on.

But that's about it, all I'll tell you on the book I mean, the plot twist in between is too good to give out. Now excuse me while I get another wine to go, and a bag of Nutella cookies (brilliant stuff omfg) and go sit on the sun, such a nice day, finally getting warmer too, and the summer being in me is doing excited flips. Cheers, enjoy the weekend guys. Grab a cold one for me too, lord knows I aint seeing the inside of a bar anytime soon. 

Are we even still, Alive?

I've been really struggling with writing lately. Writers block. I guess. Or the fact that things I could write about are all too private, too R rated, and some just too painful. Maybe sometimes I find it stupid to write anyways. I'm mostly amusing myself and my few loyal readers (cheers guys I love you) but fact is as much as I want it, I'll never be popular like one of them influencers. I don't want to be tbh, I'm not stupid or naked enough for them but a few more hits, a few more readers, knowing that people care about what I write, knowing I maybe with my opinions and views changed someone elses…that'd be nice. 

I noticed this state or the world really killed my creativity. Drawing. Photography. Writing. Everything is too much trouble. Getting dressed in the morning is a hassle. Nevermind thinking and doing and being creative. Fucking impossible my god. The state of the world is really killing me tbh. Not being able to get away from it all, to just have a moment of peace and quiet is killing me. I can't put it into words what a strong desire to throw my laptop out my fucking window I get when I google a Finnish word and google asks me ''did you mean Coronavirus'' fucking fuck you google, words don't even look alike, and I for sure did not mean coronavirus. It never ends. You can never get away from it and that's all I want. For the world to shut the fuck up. We all have our own opinions, we all have the right to choose and all this bullshit force feeding is slowly but surely driving me crazy. 

Thing is, how do you make sense of all this crap that's happening? How do you make sense of anything really? How do you make sense of life? The world? Love? How do you explain anything? How does anyone? You know Isaac Newton thought that the world works like the gears in a clock. A well oiled machine. I guess that could give you some comfort, a sense of order, a sense of predictabilty, but that idea has been shot down by physics of the modern world, so we're back to square one. The universe is a strange strange place and we're nothing but insignificant moments that pass by faster than you can imagine. Sometimes everything seems pretty pointless to be honest. 

So while I pour myself a cold one (got a box full of it free from our local brewery – cheers guys I love you) and put on some music…here's a couple words on this album that's playing right now. I promise to hold back on the ''cute cupcake'' comments this time. We all know he's cute and I've been staring at him on my laptop wallpaper all day for months so, moving on. 

Would it be weird to get his signature tattooed though? Asking for a friend. Lol. 

You can check out Davids views on the current state of the world on picture four, it's at the begining of the CD booklet. While he put things into words very nicely it really annoys me because it brings us to the point of the issue. Everything revolves around THAT. You can't get away. You can't live in your own ''bubble''. ''I can't wait to see you all again''. Yes David, me too. Seeing you, seeing everyone I love again, but as you said there's no end in sight. Bless you if you can keep on holding to hope but seems to me that my hope has been long gone. 

But you're right about one thing, this album sure did take my mind off my worries for a little while and took me to a happier place. Well, places. Happier times. Concert life. Travel life. Living life. Feeling ALIVE. Shame the momentum was gone as soon as the CD ended. 

Songs on this album are as following; 

1. Stayin Alive

2. What a wonderful world

3. Happy

4. Paint it black

5. Beauty and the beast

6. Hit the road Jack

7. Dance of the Knights

8. Shallow

9. Enter Sandman

10. Circle of life

11. Thriller

12. Confutatis

13. Let it go

14. Bella Ciao

15. The 7th Allegretto

16. Game Rhapsody

First thing that stands out to me is that there are three songs from Disney movies. Okay, I know I said I won't go there with the cutey and so on but just one quick comment because it's melting my heart thinking about watching Disney movies with him. ''Netflix and chill'' kinda thing you know. Yeah that'd be nice. But moving on because really I feel like my point isn't getting across. I am not a fan because I think he's drop dead gorgeous, I am a fan because he is mad talented. It seems insane if you look at me the ''gothic Barbie'' as a friend calls me…but I have several CDs from all kinds of classical composers, with Bach being one of my faves (actual Johann Sebastian Bach not the pretty Bach you see at the side here). I actually started listening to Davids classical works first before going into rock crossovers which tbh were a gift from god himself for me. It's like two of your favourite pop punk bands going on tour together (All time low and Neck deep omg! One of my fave concerts ever. Fuck I miss concerts so much.), or finding a perfect outfit and then hearing it comes in black too. Or when they make a movie based on a book you like and it doesn't actually suck. Magic. 

You know that the New York Times calls him ''a wizard on the strings''? yup. So this ''Alive'' album is actually called ''Alive, My soundtrack'', first thing I noticed is that it came out on October 9th, a day after my birthday. Idk just find that nice for some reason. It makes no difference I just thought it's a cute coincident. Like my first and only concert of his I saw was also almost my birthday, October 12th. I didn't really check out on his website what he says about this album. I tend to avoid his website out of two reasons. One being the same as any other musicians website right now, the ''cancelled'' and the ''postponed'' messages make me sick to my stomach. And the other is, well have you seen the official site? His brilliant photographers and their work plastered all over is giving me serious heart palpitations, brain fog and hot flashes like I'm experiencing menopause.  No joke. The man is sexy okay. 

What I do know is that the album was recorded literally during the first lockdown and second and third, ah who's keeping track by now…and it must be a surreal experience. I mean you usually set a time, okay, here's a year, we're going to do this in this year, sometimes in between touring, we all know dates tend to get pushed back but normally that's how it goes. But here you are now, recording in a completely new world really. Completely different conditions and basically no real time limit. How do you even go about it? With so many songs in the world, so much music you love? Where do you start? I can't decide between my couple hundred albums what to listen to, never mind if I was picking a track list (almost wrote set list – I swear I'm going crazy) with only the best rock and pop rock songs. 

I know they recorded twice as many songs as there are on the CD…so, David, you know ''Use your Illusion'' has I and II? I mean I'm just asking…

Considering the foreword above and of course the title, it's pretty obvious that this album is very personal. Maybe the most personal of all of his records which there have been plenty of so far. It makes me wonder though, what do these songs mean to him. What memories they take him back to. I know what I feel, what I see, what makes me smile when a certain song comes on, but I can't help the curiosity, what memories do they bring up for him. It's one of those things I'd love to do, sit down and chat with such a brilliant musical mind to see what inspires them, what makes them who they are, where gives them the drive and the passion for their work. Why these songs. Why this type of music. Why…anything and everything really. One artist to another, though I barely consider myself an artist. Even less so lately. Inspiration and passion comes and goes I get it, but I have never felt like this before. 

David said in an interview; ''My heart beats for all the songs on this album, because I have an intense connection with every single one of them. To put it simply, I carry a little piece of all of them in my heart.''. That is what I'm curious about. What makes these songs so special. Especially Frozen's Let it go, though surprisingly I don't even have a problem imagining David as Elsa. Hah. 

I think the start of the album ''Stayin' alive'' is pretty damn genius. Why? Because what were we trying to do this pass year? Staying alive. Not because of a virus but because of going absolutely and utterly crazy. Though I think we could discuss how ''alive'' we really are at this point. I don't know about you guys but I feel rather zombie like lately. Going through the motions but not really living. Barely even breathing. I don't know. 

I'm going to go on a wild guess and say that ''What a wonderful world'' is on the album for the same reason I like it. It's such an emotional and beautiful song. The times it was written in were tough like times are now but still the song has this allure of hope. It feels hopeful and as a piece itself it's timless like Coco Chanels little black dress. And I'm going to take another wild guess that he listens to ''Enter sandman'' on a morning jog (if he does jogging) because that's what I'm blaring when angrily punching and kicking my boxing bag (or sparring partner) trying to get all the frustrations out through my martial arts training. I guess that's about as much as I can guess on the ''personal meaning''. 

Point here, this is another amazing album, you can see the love, the talent and passion he put into it. You can see the raw gift this man has, the crossover songs are constructed so beautifully. Every note is on point. Every note is just right. Nothing is out of place, nothing is left to chance. The album is a beautiful trip from start to finish and it makes you forget the world for a quick second. So there you go, here's a drawing I've been working on; 

I can never get him right. At all. Must be because of his gorgeous face. It's so hard to get his beautiful features just right, golden ratio and all that. Alright, putting this album back to the start, hopefully to give me a few more moments of peace and relaxation. Happy Monday y'all. Hope life is treating you much better than it's currently treating me. 

Happy Birthday my god damn Wild Child.

So. Here we are. Survived another lockdown. Kinda. Two more days if we're lucky, but my money is on two more months tbh. I can't say it was a good week because let's be serious it was anything but, but nothing Jack Daniels can't fix. Kinda. I've been torturing myself with memories, travels, concerts, hell bars even. Scrolling through all old pictures on the phone you realise just how dull your life has become. How much they took from us. And actually, in a funny way I'm laughing out loud because about two years ago my family called me insane for being dressed in a full Winter soldier get up. ''you can't walk around town with a mask covering half your face Nikki'' ha ha ha. Who's laughing now? Well nobody is but I think you got the point.

Glancing through these old pictures I figured I don't really miss anything as much as I miss Vienna. One of my favourite cities and frequent quick getaway / long weekend / concert location. I miss everything about it, I miss the music, the art, the beat of the city, fuck I miss freedom really. I miss the fact that I could walk down the streets of Vienna and feel more at home than I do at home. I've seen all my favourite bands in that city. I've seen exhibitions of some of my favourite artists. Tried some new foods. And spent what I think was the most surreal and romantic weekend there with a rockstar. Straight out of a movie. Yeah life in Vienna is much different, and much better, and I can't put it into words how much I miss it. I'd give anything to reset humanity and live in a normal world once again.

A normal world where the bars are open and you get to pick up a stranger for a night, no regrets just love kinda thing right? Ironically lately there's no love just plenty regrets. I guess one can hope in another life things will be better. In another life we can get back to that hotel room, room service, hot makeout sessions and pretending the world doesn't exist outside our room. A world where we play games that have you begging for more, games where you tease me if I want you I'll beg but you end up begging instead. A world in which you tell me again how you should never let me walk out and in the arms of another man and mean it. A world in which love is enough, and strong enough to handle whatever curve ball life throws at us. But the harsh reality is that you wake up alone, spend the days alone, with a vinyl playing and a bag of Haribo gummi bears trying to fill the void you feel inside. It's not really working but well…you can try. Booze doesn't help. Maybe sugar will.

So yesterday was April 8th. Alexi's birthday. Always thought it's cool we share birthdays in a way. The number 8th. His is April mine is October. I decided to celebrate it with Samantha Fox' ''Touch me'' and a shit ton of JD. Didn't need to extra curse or be extra pissed let's face it I already am everyday. Yesterday was chaotic just as he would of love it. Hyvää syntymäpäivää Alexi, minä rakastan sinua.

''The faint blaze of the candle of my life, slowly dying like a fire in a pouring rain. No sparks of hope inside, no shooting stars on my sky. On broken wings, no flying high.''

So in order to celebrate, a quick write up of the very vinyl spinning right now. Before I even get into the music, which is perfect from the first minute to the last, just look at the perfection that is this release in the first place. One of my favourite records, white, splattered, the ''halo'' of blood in the middle? Everything is absolutely perfect.

 

I aint going to disect this album song by song, that would of been too much. I guess it's too early still. Like it's too early for those magazines. I love the pictures in them so much but I still can't bring myself to actually read them.

I don't really read album reviews tbh, like when they come out, before I get them…I don't know, might be the fact that I really don't like people nor care about their opinions (unless asked) or it might be the fact that I said several times that critiques are assholes. Yes me included. I especially stayed away from any and all CoB reviews. Simple reason, they all started the same way, people bitch and complain about how good they used to be, and how ''boring'', ''down the hill'', ''stagnant'' they are now and a whole god damn discussion on why that is. Can you literally see me roll my eyes all the way into my god damn skull? I mean people are never happy are they? They are not happy when a band changes their sound too much (really, it's called evolving their sound get on with the program) and they're not happy with a band when it stays the same. Whatever you do you really can't please everyone so it's no point in trying at all. I guess I wish people were bitching less. I mean it's pretty easy, if you like something, enjoy it, if you don't move along, if you don't agree, unless asked for opinion move the fuck along.  So many unneeded words, so much negativity. Sigh.

Right so for those never happy always complaining, ''Halo of blood'' will be an improvment. You see changes, it's different than ''Blooddrunk'' and ''Relentless''. I love all of them but I suppose out of the three if I chose favourites, Halo of blood would be it. No doubt though that ''Hatecrew'' and ''Chaos'' are my favourite. Say what you will but that's what it is.

The album is something special because there are ten songs on it and they are completely different from each other and yet they are not even a little bit out of place and fit together perfectly. Straight from the start, song one ''Waste of skin'' hits you in the face , with that insane, super fast, fingers flying on the frets, melodic guitar, in sync with the bass and the keyboards. It's amazing. And just watching them hands flying up and down, shredding those chords is nothing short of completely mesmerising and erotic at the same time.

I give you one thing though, this is the eigth album but really should be the fifth, to me the sound sorta returns to Hatecrew era, it sort of makes a logical follow up. A logical part two if you will. And also it doesn't because the two albums in between were just what I mentioned above, explorations, developing and searching their sound. I guess the songwriting though here is quite a bit different. It's more diverse. More complex. You know what I mean? I love all songs, I love all lyrics. I absolutely adore ''Angels don't kill'', but I don't know there's some sorta new kind of depth here that I register differently. Sometimes I can't even explain what I mean or what's going on in my head.

What really shook me all over was ''Dead man's hand on you''. It was a shock, complete and utter shock. In a good way of course. Starting the song with acoustic guitar and clean vocals? I did not expect that at all. The brooding, dark acoustic sound, the sorta spoken words but then that explosive chorus? Shit it's freakin perfect. Sorta death metal, dark, ballad in a way. For me, one of those exploring the sound, exploring different types of music, and for sure a highlight in their career, producing something different, something just as equally amazing as the fast riffs and scratchy screaming vocals. I feel like this song is literally putting emotions into sounds. So many feelings, both put in the song and felt when listened to. It's just amazing and even if the whole album was just that one song, it would of been perfect.

This album really isn't just a collection of great riffs (which there are so many of on it) but also the addition of the perfect raspy, gritty, icicles and knives kinda vocals. It's also a perfect example of some of the best, innovative and technically perfectly executed writing up to date. It shows perfectly on the song ''One bottle and knee deep''. Pure freakin perfection. What a way to close up an album.

The whole thing is one of those moments, defining moments in music, where they reclaimed their throne in the Finnish melodic death metal scene and I believe that's a place nobody can ever take from them. Not now and not ever. I will always love Finnish music, they have only the best musicians but no matter what they come up with there will always only be one CoB and nothing and nobody can top that. and Halo of blood is a brilliant way to prove that they are the kings, the titans of Finnish melodic metal. They went back to their musical roots, schooled us with the best and most amazing riffs and showed us how vocals, guitars, drumming and keyboards should function together. Nothing short of a completely unique experience and nothing short of 40 minutes of pure power, ferocity, intensity and perfection. To put it shorter, this album is freakin amazing and it's got balls and there is nothing quite as perfect as turning the volume up sky high and screaming along to the songs. Best way to melt off all the frustrations.

Now to close this post and move on and get some shit done today…who am I kidding, we all know I'll just put the record back to start and not move a muscle…listen to me kids, as soon as I get home, throw off my bra, the day is over for me okay? And I don't even care if it's 11 am. Day – over. Now to conclude my endless ramblings, take a look at this beautiful gem on my jackets. Here's a way to keep Allu with me always. If you want one too, go to the etsy store link here (click me).

I miss you Allu, so much, hope you're happy, where ever you are because life down here without you is anything but happy. Happy birthday, I love you.

All these years, all our tears, still we sing the same old song.

It's been a while huh guys? Shit, almost a month. Sorry about that. I mean I doubt you really miss my pointless ranting but still. It's been a rough couple of days, weeks, months, years…you know how it goes. I guess I found my way back now as we just walked into yet another lockdown yesterday. No I am not whistling ''It's the final countdown'' with the lyrics changed to ''lockdown'' just yet. I know how this shit works. I've heard the ''it's just a few more days'' ''it's the last time'' blah blah blah one too many times so 11 days might as well turn into another 11 weeks. I don't know no more you guys, seems like people enjoy it. I'm going crazy but idiots around me seem to enjoy it. Perhaps that's the key, the more abuse, the more corruption, the more lies, police violence and violence in general, the more we love it. I'm just tired of it all you know. So tired. 

Been sitting here staring at these GIF's at the side of the blog, usually they inspire me, they make me smile at least, they make things easier, music always makes things easier, these days though, things are just hopless, dark, somehow pointless. ''Uzalud sunce sja, kad mi u srcu padaju kiše''. Kinda like that. I envy people that used these lockdowns to learn a new skill, try new foods, learn a language or some shit like that. All it did for me is drove me fucking crazy. I count it as a personal victory that I haven't murdered anyone yet, or went fucking crazy with a chainsaw like someone did at the parliament just a few days ago. Respect. 

So while I at least try to keep my mind occupied with doodles, slow posting on Instagram, though there are many MANY new drawings to post, feels like I haven't done much but doodle these days…how about some music to go with. This album might be completely unusual for me but also something you'd totally expect. 

There's hundreds and hundred of these mixed albums. People don't like them much I learned. But I do. I like so many bands and swapping albums is tiring, so having a mix of more songs that you love on one record can only be a good thing. Like that ''Metal Ballads'' volume 3 and 4 that I'll probably just die without. Sigh. 

Can we take a moment to appreciate the cover though? The bike alone is an absolute beauty but the guy might as well be an example of everything I find attractive, biker, the hair (okay yea blond would be even better), the clothes, the everything. So damn handsome! And them boots you guys! Feeling slightly hot under my collar doesn't begin to cover it. ''Tough guys show their soft side''. Cute. And unreal. First things first all ''tough guys'' have a soft side and that comes out more than you'd imagine and on the other hand the concept of ''tough guys'' is dead anyways, I look at men around me, and I feel sick. Like lets be serious young boys when joined the Partisans, were freezing and starving in the woods but they pushed on for what they believed in for all of us for their country. And men now? They eat gluten free pizza, cry over their manicure and own more beauty product than us ladies do. Proposterous.

I mean I can fix my car on my own, open jars, change a lightbulb and defend myself much better than a man could. What do I need one for anyway? Oh right the usual MALE reply to this is sex. Lol, please. Sorry to disappoint you guys but no man can ever please a woman as much as her toys can, if they say otherwise they're lying to you. And no toy can please a woman like new shoes can, just the thought of them makes me salivate. But really, I'm off topic, not going to be ranting about sex toys today, even if, rock ballads, pizza and dildos might be a good way to pass lockdown time. 

Like for real I am one of those people that love relaxing in the tub even if my sister calls it a ''wet place to overthink about how your life sucks'', she makes a valid point too because I do that but still, tub, rock ballads and a glass of wine? Yes, please. Anyday. 

Might actually have this over playing while I over think. It came out in 1991 and it's actually perfect from the first song. ''Scorpions Wind of Change''. I love Scorpios like for real, the ''Tease me, please me'' song? That is literally one of my favourite songs. Do I wanna dance strip tease to it on the hood of a late 1970's Camaro? Fuck yes! 

''Wind of change'' is sorta iconic. Like who doesn't fucking know wind of change?  I mean it's not just a song, we all know what it means, what it stands for right? The lyrics were born after the bands visit to the Soviet Union when it was at the height of it's political movment for reformation within the Communist party also known as ''Perestroika''. In the words of Klaus Meine himself;

''The idea came to me in the U.d.S.S.R. when I was sitting in the Gorky Park Center  one summer night, looking at the Moskva River. The song is my personal reappraisal of what has happened in the world in recent years.''

It was released in January 1991 and it was a worldwide hit right away, because the release sorta co happened with a failed coup (August coup) which eventually leaded to the end of the Soviet Union. It also exists in Russian and Spanish version just saying. To me personally I sorta connect it to the fall of the Berlin wall more. I was watching that moment when people were finally free, the wall fell and the joy was everywhere. Kinda wishing for that ''fall of the wall'' moment in this country too. But it feels that way ''wind of change''. Today this song is one of the best selling singles of all times with about 15 million copies sold and holds the best selling German artist song by record! Anyway maybe I see the fall of the wall that much clearer in my head because they actually preformed this song on November 9th at the Brandenburg Gate in 1990 during the anniversary.  Can I just take a second to say how I fucking miss Berlin? Omfg. Seriously Corona fuck off. I am done. 

Next is Magnum ''Need a lot of love'' and if I gotta even get into this song then I may start screaming. We all get what it's about and we all understand the message right? 

I may be biased and skipping the second song because I am obsessed with the third one. Jon Bon Jovi ''Miracle''. Not only we all need miracles sometimes but that man is a fucking miracle in that music video. Y'all see in right? The Harleys, the hair, the man! I mean I did say above the fuck do we need them for, but if they look like that? Damn! If someone paid me just for watching this video I'd be crying in a Bentley today. 

I mean just look at all that! Ladies (and some guys too, hey I don't judge) don't y'all just wanna fuck him so hard on that bike that he'd need new shock absorbers in the morning? Both him and the bike. Lol.  I'm sorry for the bluntness. Lockdown is getting to me, I suppose my brain is melting or turning into mush. The video also apparently features Jeff Beck and Matt LeBlanc. Not that I really noticed them though we all know how much I love Joey. It's a really good song that was my point, and it's a REALLY good music video. And the all kinds of emotions it makes me feel are not too bad either. 

Steve Thomson ''Dream on''? nothing but love. ''Dream on though it's hard to tell, though you're foolin' yourself, dream on.'' Don't we all just wanna dream some days away. Or dream about showering with a certain younger version of Jon Bon Jovi. I bet he doesn't sing in the shower, I bet he's preforming in the shower. In more than one way I bet. I'm not going through a whole box of Mon Cheri vodka chocolates okay. Shut up.  Dream on is a really nice song purely because we all need dreams, some to keep us going and some to just get through the day. Keep on dreaming guys. Really. 

It goes on with ''Robin Beck – First time'' which I am not over the moon with, it's more of a ''meh'' for me, might be because well female vocalists rarely get any enthusiasm from me and also because this song is nothing to alert the press about. A filler I guess. 

Nazareth ''Love hurts''? Yes it fucking does! If you search for Nazareth in a past post you'll see I covered this song in quite a few words. It was written by a songwriter Boudleaux Bryant, and first recorded by the Everly Brothers in 1960. But I think we all know Nazareths version best. It's a beautiful song, that one note, that one heart tugging note. Sigh. It gets me every single time. 

Yngwie Malmsteen ''Save our love''. Now listen to me, Yngwie, can anything or anyone save your love? Like when love is gone, what can you do? Can you even go on? Nevermind trying to save anything. It's not that I was sitting on a sofa with a bottle of vodka and my cats, eating Nutella with a spoon while this played on repeat ''Once we were one, now we're worlds apart, deep inside you know you are my other heart. My memories seem like yesterday, can't believe it's all so far away. All these years, all our tears, still we sing the same old song. Let's make right all that went wrong, there's no beginning there's no end, there's no reason to pretend, crying for help from above, we've got to save our love''. Sigh. My broken heart enjoys having salt poured on its wounds. Yeah. Fighting for love should always be a thing, you should never just let go, you should never quit on someone you love, you should never let something perfect slide from your hands. Ever. 

Side one closes with Bon Jovi ''I'll be there for you'' which we also all know and it's one of the most beautiful love songs next to Always and Bed of roses if you ask me. When he played that song in Milano I sobbed like a baby. Well even more at Always because we all know that's my all time favourite song, yes kids Always tops everything. I hate picking favourites, t'aint right, t'aint fair, t'aint fit, t'aint proper to pick favourites but this is how it is Always and also November rain are two of the best song sever written and my favourite songs of all times and I will fight you if you try to prove me otherwise. Careful though, I'll be coming at you with knives. I'll be there for you is from the album New Jersey which is the best album they ever made, still today, since new ones are crap (sorry not sorry). Some lucky bitches get to hear this song sung by Richie Sambora on their shows. I'd kill for that no joke. But well I did get like half of ''In these arms'' by David so that's something too.

Extreme and ''More than words'' cute but nothing special and mostly so freaking over played by radio stations, but well I wont turn it off if it comes on. 

Rainbows ''Catch the rainbow'' is an older song and another filler for me, don't particularly like it. But then after Rainbow there's Cinderella and ''Heartbreak station'', there have been two album reviews in the past on them but still. I freakin love them. They are so under appreciated it's insane. The voice, the music, the guitars, the glam, all of it fits. I love them. I mean yeah we've all heard Don't know what you got till it's gone about a million times but really both albums I reviewed are really good. They really got me with the ''tears filling up my eyes, sometimes the pain you hide, burns like a fire inside''. Yeah it does. Sometimes it's hard hiding it too. This song is actually on their third album that I don't have. Sigh. Another one to put on the list. Apparently this one waas really their finest moment as artists even if it didn't do so well commercially as it's predecessors. I think it's more bluesy rock rather than glam metal and that's what makes it really cool.

Now before I make this way too long and actually still got shit to do today, despite the lockdown, no you guys it's not dildo testing. Other songs featured on this album are ''China – So long'', ''L.A. Guns – The ballad of Jane'' what's with these Jane or Janey type animals? Like for real, Janeys got a gun, Sweet Jane, Jane says, Sad Jane, Baby Jane, The diary of Jane, Lady Jane, Hazey Jane, Strange Jane, Crow Jane, Janey Blue and on and on and on till fucking eternity. Seriously what's that all about? I mean at least when it's Desiree or Candy or Amanda you know it's about strippers but this is just…the hell is that about? I mean okay at least I get Prince's ''Darling Nikki'' and sorta INXS's ''Beautiful girl'' even if she is ''Nicky'' same thing though. I'd melt to pieces of unicorn and glitter should he sing that song for me in his angel face and voice. Moving on, album also features ''Deep purple – Wasted sunsets'' don't we all have many of those, ''Doro – A whiter shade of pale'' and ''Kingdom come – You'll never know''. What exactly because there's many things we'll never know. 

Now for real logging off, to finish a drawing I started. Not of Alexi this time but a scene from the movie Dirty Dancing. Say what you will but that movie will forever stay my guilty pleasure, as will Hungry eyes and Patrick Swayze all in black. To all my fellow prisoners, sigh, I hope we survive you guys, may you never run out of vodka and Nutella and to the rest of the world enjoying freedom. Cheers, it's not that I'm jealous it's that I wanna murder you all. Kidding. Well only sorta. See you on the other side. (of lockdown not the veil lol, assuming the lockdown madness ever ends but the way things are headed I may be married to a young Jon Bon Jovi sooner than released from ''prison'').