I'm only gonna make it worse, but I don't know how to lift this curse.

I started this blog two years ago and after everything that happened in those two years it seems so far away. I was a completly different person back then. Not better or worse, just different. Life was different. When I closed down the other blog and opened this one this is what I wrote...

''I decided to keep it simple and write about things I love, things that make me happiest. I decided to share my art, my photography, my love for music, traveling, fast cars, Harley's, books, comics, movies, tv shows, shoes, vinyls, Jack Daniels, animals, the country side and all things strange and unusual that don't fit in the society's starndards of ''beauty'' and ''normality''. I just want this to be a positive space, I had enough negativity in my life and I don't need to make it worse, by writing about it and dwelling on it. This is a happy place. Containing all the things I love most. I hope you'll enjoy it or at least learn to appreciate the effort.''

Boy was I naiive. When was everything as easy? When was life ever easy? In the midst of this hell I was thrown into this December, and believe me despite everything in the past this December had to be in the top 3. I hate December did I mention? Most wonderful time of the year? How about no? Either way in the midst of is all I stopped, took a breath and thought about how petty I am being.

Yes life is awful, and I don't think I can take much more, I'm at my breaking point and I feel like I will snap any second. I never imagined that by trying to do something good for myself I will cause myself so much harm. If I'd knew this from the get go I would never do it.

Point is I am being petty, look at all the shit going on around the world, things that still happen that in a modern world shouldn't be happening, all the violence, all the hate, all the bullshit...it feels ridiculous to complain about the things and situations I find myself in. Yet at the end of the day I bottle up the stress, my fears, concerns, frustrations...and I try to survive the day. One day at a time. You know how it goes ''get up, dress up, show up'' and ''keep calm and carry on''. And I ask myself, when the fuck did I stop living and just started surviving instead?

I wonder...how long can I keep doing this for? How long can I keep putting one foot in front of the other, with a fake fucking smile on my face and all the weight, stress, and bullshit tagging along with me.

And the crazy thing is I don't even remember where all of it comes from, how long has it been dragging me down? It feels like forever. It feels like I am addicted to sadness. It feels like if I'm not sad, I am lost, I don't know what to do with myself.

Can I cut ties to everything dragging me down? No idea. How? What if all of it is tied to who I am and suddenly without all this weight I was nothing. Maybe it all has some point, value if you will. No idea. Does all of it have a point at all? Is the fight even worht the prize? No fucking clue.

Maybe all of this crap is what is giving me the compassion and empathy for others because I know what it's like. To love and lose, to be forgotten, to be mistreated, to be hurt, lost, sad, depressed...maybe that's why I can make a connection with others, maybe our paths cross for a reason, maybe people are set on our paths for a certain reason. To change your life, to make it better, to make it different, to steer you off the path you're walking on because it may not be the best thing for you and even you yourself don't know it.

I'm not looking for an anwser, I know nobody knows, neither do I. We all kinda do life as we go along. There's no manual, we let our fears, morals, love, whatever else guide us....

I had no idea where this post will end up, my mind is disoriented and messy. I have every single negative emotion in me right now and I hate it. Things haven't been this bad in a long time and I hate that even more. I guess this time I am completly lost. Not a little bit, but completly. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go and I don't know how to move on. You know that line in that song ''Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart.''? Yeah that...I try and I try but I think I've reached my limit. I can't do it no more.

Life needs to be sweetened.

Did you ever wake up in the middle of the night because of a dream? A nightmare? Shaking and sweating trying to catch your breath but choking instead? It happens to me more times then I'd like lately. And it's always the same. Same concept I mean. All of the worst things I could imagine happening to me in one giant ''movie production'' playing in my head and it's horrible. Which is why I'm here right now, 3 am Sunday morning, trying to catch my breath...

This is not a good start for the first actual post I did in a while *and I'm sure the post won't be good either*, I know, I'm sorry, life has been absolutely insane. It really has been a couple of crazy weeks. So it's safe to say my mind has been...occupied with other things. Like people around me, is there something wrong with me or literally everyone around me? When did people get so stupid, judgemental, egoistic and self centered? When did they turn so evil, wishing bad upon everyone and everything slightly different then them? I really don't seem to understand. What do you get from so much hate? God knows.

I think it's best I focus on some music instead, gonna be interesting, here I am writing about an album and listening to something completly different and very local on my iPod while doing so. Lets see how this works out.

So this album is also on Rolling Stones 50 greatest hair metal albums of all time. And it really is one of the greatest. I mean not better then Skid Row's debut but pretty damn close. I got my copy at a flea market for like ten bucks. Which was the first and only time I ever found anything good or remotely interesting at our flea markets. Usually it's all trash with a price tag on it. Judging on that I could sell a ton of my old stuff that I threw out instead. Maybe that was my blonde moment.

Timing is everything isn't it? And isn't it funny how some people are just on the right place at the right time? So were Cinderella because guess what? Non other then Jon Bon Jovi is responsible for Cinderella even having their hair metal fairytale *bless you Jon* because he discovered them after catching their set in some Philadelphia club where he was recording his Fahrenheit album at the time. Jon was aparently completly in love with them and made the guy who signed Bon Jovi at Mercury go check them out who aparently said ''great looks, great music, great energy, but the drummer and the guitar player need to go'' or something along those lines. If I understood it correctly they've been listening to that a lot at the time. When they held auditions for that guitar player Snake Sabo auditioned. Can you imagine that? Snake! At the end LaBar got the place, they got the deal and the rest is history...is it ever that easy? I doubt it. Hah.

Can we just talk about the cover for a second though? What's with the pink fog and that huge hair? And the clothes? I mean there is so much more, SO MUCH MORE to this band then the whole glam thing they've got going on. It's giving me this vibe, what would you call it today, ''mainstream''.

Their first big hit was Nobody's fool which really is a great song, to be fair the album is worth getting for that song alone. Though I think what really put this album on the map and gave it a place in music history was when they were invited on tour with Bon Jovi. The Slippery when wet tour that is. Totally made them stars, got them number three on the Billboard chart and the album went triple platinum. Can we just take a moment here, like can I just point out how unfair life is? I really should be 20 years old in the 80's, all the band boys...this is so unfair. Or maybe this is one of those moments when you realize there's a reason behind everything...I'd be a total groupie in those days. Let's move on before this post gets out of control. Hah.

Cinderella's second album, which I actually prefer was just as succssesful and then it all went south with Heartbreak station. I'm still not sure what happened there but jesus it was bad. Their fourth album was pretty much ignored and it may had to do something with this new decade and alternative music starting to grow or the fact that the albums just aren't good. I'm sorry boys, I still love you but I don't love those two albums.

But still all that aside when we talk about my favorite glam, hair metal, hard rock from the 80's without too much thinking Cinderella makes that list. Bon Jovi really knew what's up. Back in the day they played their music the way they wanted to and it was the best thing ever. Glam metal at it's finest. And let's not forget all the emotion in it too.

Night songs their debut came out in 1986 and totally rattled the glam metal scene at the time because it was something new and different. They had that dirty sleazy metal yes but they managed to put raw emotion into their music as well but that is far more obvious on their second album which is also better then this one but let's not go there again. I really do love ''Don't know what you got'' that much yes.

Night songs has ten songs and they're all powerful, great songs, with Tom's growls and all the amazing solo's it really makes it for a bitchin album. The final product? Woah, all I can say is woah. First time I played it I was like ''damn'', such an amazing record. Guitar parts are really something else. And not to mention Tom's charisma, he's got it. That something that most modern singers lack on stage. But he had it. The accent, the growl, everything. You can't mistake his voice, it's so special and emotional. And let's not forget that Jon Bon Jovi actually sings on this album, yup he did some back vocals. I think that would make me love Cinderella even if I didn't. Huge Bon Jovi fan yes.

The opening title track has this wonderful dark prelude before it hits us with those guitars and that classic 80's metal sound which really makes it for an ideal opening. Shake me is a total metal anthem and lets not even begin with Hell on wheels and that guitar solo or drumming in it. You know what they actually remind me of? Like if AC/DC and Def Leppard had a baby, I think Cinderella would be that baby. Ha!

Then you've got Nobody's fool. Power ballads...such an 80's thing, even the toughest bands seemed to do ballads back then. This song though, it's really nice, still one of my favorites, Keifers voice really shines through on it and it has this slow, kinda metalish vibe. And the lyrics too, all in all it's a great song.

Other great songs on it are obviously Nothing for nothing, Somebody save me which has a serious AC/DC vibe with that one riff and of course Back home again which has a guitar solo to die for.

All in all, it's a great album and honestly you need to get pass the cover, listen with your ears not eyes, as I said there's so much more to them then big hair. There is only one singer out there with a voice like Tom Keifer and that is Tom Keifer so seriously give them a chance and play it, I promise you'll love it.

This is as good as it gets this week, and as much as you get, I'm exhausted, my mind won't cooperate properly. Now go listen to some Cinderella kids and party on.

All of these stars will guide us home.

''It's just another night and I'm staring at the moon, I saw a shooting star and thought of you. I sang a lullaby by the waterside and knew if you were here I'd sing to you. You're on the other side as the skyline splits in two, miles away from seeing you.''

''So open your eyes and see the way our horizons meet and all of the lights will lead into the night with me. And I know these scars will bleed but both of our hearts believe all of these stars will guide us home.''