If I had a heart I could love you, if I had a voice I would sing.

So I decided to cut Friday and Monday's posts. From now on it's going to be either Friday or Monday. I just don't have the time anymore and I don't want to force writing, or write pointless stuff just so I update something. I mean writing was never a passion of mine, I enjoy it but it's more of an outlet to let all the frustrations out, my passion is music and art. And I rather spend that extra hour sketching something then slamming my head on the table trying to find words or something to complain about when in reality everything annoys me. Ever feel like that? Like everything is going on your nerves? I do, more then I'm willing to admit.

There's something that really annoys me today and I can't believe someone even has to write it down. Fandoms are a great thing, I love the love and support fans show eachother, I love bands who call their fandoms families, I love the sense of belonging somewhere it gives you. You know, you don't have to know the people around you but when you're all in that venue you're all there because you love the same music, the same people, music brings you together despite race, religion, age, skin color, nobody cares about those things and that's something I actually love most.

But lately...I don't know what's going on, there's new fans in fandoms, ''kids'', and they are just so full of hate, negativity, everything is a fight. I don't know how they can't seem to understand simple things. You can be a fan of an artist and hate their song, or an album, I actually think that makes you more of a fan since you're capable of admiting that not everything they do is a god given gift. I love Motley Crue more then...let's not go there...let's just say a lot. But you won't see me fawning over Theatre of pain. I don't like that record and I never will. And why should that make me less of a fan? Or a fake fan? Stupid. Thing is, it doesn't matter what you say, these kids treat everything like it's world war III and it is just exhausting. I am too old for teenage drama. Like seriously children, go back to your sandbox and leave grandma alone.

So how about for a change you stop spreading paparazzi pictures of your favorite bands? I'm sure they'd appreciate it. How about you stop participating in gossping about their private lives? They don't owe you anything, they're still just people, what goes on in their private lives is private, should be private, and none of anybody's business. How about you stop harrasing them with idiotic tweets and messages and comments? It's wrong, it's weird, it's creepy. How about you stop telling them how to live their lives, who to love, what to do, how to do their job? What makes you think you have any right to do it in the first place is beyond me. Don't pretend you know what's best for someone just because you think you're oh so in love with them.

It would be so nice and I know they would appreciate it too if for a change you'd treat them like human beings which after all they are beneath the fame, they have bad days too, they're just people too. It would be nice if you'd show them some basic respect and learn that they need space too. It would be nice if instead of all the drama and nonsense you'd just tell them how much you enjoy their work, how much it means to you. It would be nice if for a change you'd support them the right way, sharing their music, movies, videos, buy their records, attend their concerts and most importantly treat other fans right. There's no such thing as a ''more important fan''. We're all here for the music aren't we? Does it matter if you liked the band for years and somebody else only liked them for a month? I think it doesn't.

I am so done with these kids being so ''smart'', abusing the bands, abusing the fans, causing the bands to snap and delete their social media accounts because they can't take it no more. Seriously! They are just people like you and me, they deserve respect just like we do and they don't need to be subjected to all the name calling and other bullshit just because you asume they can take it.

Honestly I love my bands, but I don't stick my nose in their private lives, if they decide to share anything then great, if not, respect that. It's the music you listen to after all. And what's even worse that I just can't comprehend is the hate and abuse the fans show towards eachother. Why? Why can't we all play nice? We all have something in common don't we? So why can't we be friends? Why all the name calling? And the hate? The jealousy? It's insane and pointless, there's so much hate on this planet already, why produce more? And based on something that should bring happiness and love?

I think this quote tells you perfectly how it should be...

“Never underestimate a girl’s love for her favorite band. Never think even for a minute, that she won’t defend them to her death. Because it’s not just the music that makes that band her favorite. It’s the guys, the gals. It’s the fans. People whom of which she has interacted with thanks to the band. That band might of saved her life, or just made her smile everyday. That band has never broke her heart and has yet to leave her. No wonder she finds such joy in her music.”

― Alex Gaskarth

Be kinder to eachother guys, love harder, be nicer, don't drag people down just for the fun of it, help them instead, it'll give you much more pleasure. This world could be such a different nicer place if only we learned a little compassion...

Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one...right?

Stay safe out there guys and spread a little love not hate.

Runaways

I needed time to gather my thoughts, to try and understand...but I came up empty. I don't understand so much hate and I never will. What happened in Orlando was so vile and disgusting and horrible I can't even form proper words. My heart is absolutely broken. Nobody deserves this. And sure as fuck nobody deserves to live in fear because their love is a little different. So some people love a person not their genitalia. Big fucking deal. Why is there so much hate on this planet? What's it to you who your neighbor loves? It's not you. It's not your life. It's them and it's theirs and just as you're free to live, love and marry who ever you want, so are they. I don't understand why people think they have any right to tell someone else how to live, who to love. What the hell is the matter with you? Oh somebody elses beliefs offend you? Stop being a little bitch and turn around and shut up. Your breathing offends me. Your stupidity offends me. Yet I am not getting into a hatefull comment war with all of you. Why? Because even if you're wrong and hatefull and stupid I am aware that it's still your opinion that you are *unfortunally* allowed to have. Maybe this particular thing sets me off even more because there's people that I love that are also gay and it could be them. And let me tell you something about these people, they're the kindest, sweetest, nicest people you could ever meet. There's not an evil bone in their bodies. I was glancing through the list of victims and all I could think about was, this could be my friends, these are somebodys friends, somebodys kids, family. Loved ones. They're not just a number and they're not some ''freaks'' they are people, with families, goals, dreams, something somebody took from them and for what? Because of hate. I just...I can't even...this should never happen. Let me post a quote;

''How about we treat every young man who wants to buy a gun like every woman who wants to get an abortion — mandatory 48-hr waiting period, parental permission, a note from his doctor proving he understands what he’s about to do, a video he has to watch about the effects of gun violence, an ultrasound wand up the ass (just because). Let’s close down all but one gun shop in every state and make him travel hundreds of miles, take time off work, and stay overnight in a strange town to get a gun. Make him walk through a gauntlet of people holding photos of loved ones who were shot to death, people who call him a murderer and beg him not to buy a gun. It makes more sense to do this with young men and guns than with women and health care, right? I mean, no woman getting an abortion has killed a room full of people in seconds, right?''

Makes sense doesn't it? And to the rest of you who are grinding your teeth together deciding what disgusting comment or email should you send me. Let me stop you right there. I don't care. You wont make a difference. You won't change my mind. I will still support what I believe in and I believe in love and equality. Everyone deserves to love and be loved and it doesn't matter who or by who. So think about it. You weren't the gunman in this situation but you don't like gay people, you don't like gay characters in movies, you don't like to see two men or two women holding hands. The general idea of someone being gay disgusts you and you think they're sinners who need to be ''saved''. You were upset when they were allowed to marry, you insult them and call them names, you think death is what they deserve...found yourself in any of these? Yeah you weren't the gunman but you are the culture that made him. You are the bullets in his gun. You are what is wrong with this world.

To all the parents, family, friends of the victims, I am so sorry you have to go through this, life is horrible and unfair and cruel. I hope at least their deaths are not in vain, I hope finally the world is ready to change. Slim chance but one can always hope.

Now if we move to the happier subjects...not that I can muster up a lot of hapiness today but here's some really good news. Not only did I pass math but I did it with 70% I can't remember the last time I was quite as happy. This is something I'm terrible at, something I really struggle with but I sucked it up and proved me and everyone around me wrong. I am not stupid and I can do this and I did it. Now only the finals and I'm done with school forever. That is if I don't at some point later on decide to do something else with my life. You never know. But in the mean time...woah guys, huge step, I'm actually finishing school. Here's a day that felt like will never come. I don't like to brag but I am rather proud of myself for comming this far.

Let me finish this off with a drawing I managed to do in between all the crazy that's been happening. Yeah even managed a drawing. Now tell me I'm not wonder woman. I dare you! Hah.

My two favorite knuckleheads. Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth of All time low. It took me about 16 hours to complete this and you can see my concentration falling at some places. I loved doing it though. Any excuse you have to stare at them for hours is a good one. Anyways off to bed. Another friday night and I'm home alone going to bed early. What. is. happening? I really am getting old. Enjoy your weekend guys. Stay safe out there.

Only a quitter would let it go. I'm your fool in a one man show. I was so bitter, 'til you came along. You set my sails when the tide was low.

We're going down this road with tears in our rear view mirror. Far from home, but in the dark, you'll know, with me you've got nothing to fear.

So let's run away. They will have to find another heart to break. Why don't we just run away? Never turn around, no matter what they say. We'll find our way. When the sun goes down on this town, there'll be no one left, but us. Just like runaways, they will have to find some other hearts to break.