Love ALWAYS wins

I took a little stroll down memory lane and read the very first entry posted here. It's stupid optimistic and I hate it but that's beside the point. Here let me share a small part of it…

''This is a completely new beginning for me because I decided to keep it simple and write about things I love, things that make me happiest. I decided to share my art, my photography, my love for music, traveling, fast cars, Harley's, books, comics, movies, tv shows, shoes, vinyl, Jack Daniels, animals, the country side and all things strange and unusual that don't fit in the society's standards of ''beauty'' and ''normality''. I just want this to be a positive space, I had enough negativity in my life and I don't need to make it worse, by writing about it and dwelling on it. This is a happy place. Containing all the things I love most.''

Oh my damn, have I managed to stray far from that or what. Music okay that's a constant on this blog. Or well pretty much the only thing I do write about. But happy place? Woah. Then again how could I preach on happy? I don't know the first thing about happiness. But one thing that is certain is that I need a change. Don't get me wrong I love writing about music, I love music above all else. Music IS my happy place. But sometimes the posts just seem forced and I find myself thinking how I'd love to write I don't know, a piece about how I do my hair or daily makeup, which is disgustingly girly and doesn't fit with my broody dark ''I hate life'' vibe at all but I'd still like to do it. You know what I mean? 

Going through that list above about all the things I wanted to share before, I have a super strong feeling you'd not want me to sit here and sigh over how damn attractive I think Dean Winchester is, how I feel he's pretty much the reason for global warming because DAMN that smile and let's not even start with how after 14 seasons Supernatural is my pretty much my entire life and I feel it's not just the show ending but also my life. What did I even do before Supernatural? What will I do after Supernatural? My life is over I tell you. 

So to avoid all that, and more, I watch way too many tv shows, and to also avoid ranting about how nobody should even breathe my way today (Metallica is once again less than 300 km away and I'm stuck at home, 6th time in a row) I decided to try and write up a book review. 

I have hundreds of books at home, used to have more time and I loved reading, guess that kinda came to a halt when life happened. Don't get me wrong, I still love to read, fantasy and romance, my favourite combination, it's just getting harder and harder to find the time and to even get books. I admit I have a peculiar taste and the things I like are not as easily purchased here. Never mind the tax on books in this country, it's crazy. No wonder people are stupid if they never bother to tackle something thicker than yellow pages of a gossip rag writing about the Kardashians. Sigh. 

Let's make one thing clear before we get into it. My fave author always was, always will be Hemingway. But that aside I actually like reading cute, sappy, easy material, one that feels relaxing as opposed to making me think far too much. I'm not a fan of ''difficult'' books if you know what I mean. Like ''War and peace'' great literary piece but can you just kill me on the spot? 

So here's a review on this fluffy cuteness I read just last month. 

Love, Simon / Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

(  Young Adult, Romance, Drama, LGBT, Coming Of Age        )

I don't say ''don't judge a book by it's cover'' but rather ''don't judge a book by it's movie''. Every damn book is turned into movies these days and you know what? It usually ruins the story. Like Fallen. Oh my god! SUCH a great book and such a terrible movie. But this one was different. Yes I saw ''Love Simon'' the movie first, shallow me, got it because Nick Robinson plays the lead. Yes yes I know shut up. But I ended up really liking the movie so I had to get the book as well. 

It's a story that talks about issues and questions important to me. I always was a very passionate supporter of the LGBT rights and nothing ever saddens me more than listening to a gay boy or girl talk about their childhood, being alone and scared and wondering if they are normal or worse praying to be normal. That's just horrific, and like Simon says ''why is straight the deafult'' or why is ''coming out gay'' such a big deal? Why don't straight people come out as straight and parents cry and make a fuss out of it. Who told straight people that they are normal in the first place?

There are many things I just can't seem to understand, and especially hatred. Who gave anyone the god given right to tell someone who to love, how to live, what choices to make? Can we all just agree that people just love a person for who they are not for their genitalia? Can we just celebrate love in it's true, pure, beautiful form and forget the ''standards'' and whats ''normal''? Can we for fuck sakes just love instead of hate? 

''Love, Simon'' or as the original title goes ''Simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda'' by Becky Albertalli is a story about a 16 yearold Simon Spier, who says he's ''totally normal, just like you, only he has a huge secret''. He's gay. See the whole thing starts when Simon reads an anonymous tumblr post from a schoolmate, signed with ''Blue'' and it's a confession. ''Confession'' like it's a crime. Like being gay is a crime. Ugh. So this Blue leaves his email addess under the post to which Simon responds. 

You follow them through the mailing, flirting, through a safe space they find in each other, away from the hateful world around them. And though they don't reveal things about themselves that could tell the other who they are, they touch very personal topics and obviously fall for each other that way. It's like, hold my heart before it jumps out because of the whole, cute, awkward, teenage love. 

Problem occurs when a classmate Martin gets a hold of those emails and threathens to leak them online unless Simon hooks him up with his best friend Abby. Book and movie stray from each other a bit, in the movie Martin leaks the emails but in the book he just posts a nasty post outing Simon. I know it's fiction, I get it, but it made me feel nauseated. I mean, can you imagine, it's already a thing so many kids struggle with, and then even the choice on who to tell, and when to tell, if telling at all, is taken from you. That's just. It's disgusting that's what it is. Nobody has the right to do that. 

I like how social media actually plays a key part in this book. Not just the posting selfies and positive sides of it like most movies and books imply, but actually the dark side of it. Blackmail and hate speach and basically how one single stupid post can make your life hell. 

I also like the flow of the story, how it unfolds slowly and you find things out same time as Simon does, ''experiencing'' things first hand, trying to figure out who Blue is first hand just like he does, it's a ''guess who'' game through small clues left in the emails. 

And that ending! My god! I'm not giving it away, I'm here hoping to inspire you to pick it up and read it so I most definatelly won't ruin the ending for you, but let me just say, ''damn!''. Perfect ending to a perfect story. 

I like books that give you all the feels possible, and this one just feels like a hot cup of pumpkin spice latte on a late October walk with the leaves crunching under your feet. Or like those first rays of warm sun in late spring. Or just like the most beautiful summer sunset. All the feels. 

In short, if you know me, then you already know that a book containing dogs, Oreos and boys kissing is a safe bet to become one of my favourites. And if it happens to also be just a little bit sappy, then obviously I am done for. 

And the most important and the best thing about this book? It's simple, the message it passes on ''love is love and there shouldn't be a deafult''. 

Runaways

I needed time to gather my thoughts, to try and understand...but I came up empty. I don't understand so much hate and I never will. What happened in Orlando was so vile and disgusting and horrible I can't even form proper words. My heart is absolutely broken. Nobody deserves this. And sure as fuck nobody deserves to live in fear because their love is a little different. So some people love a person not their genitalia. Big fucking deal. Why is there so much hate on this planet? What's it to you who your neighbor loves? It's not you. It's not your life. It's them and it's theirs and just as you're free to live, love and marry who ever you want, so are they. I don't understand why people think they have any right to tell someone else how to live, who to love. What the hell is the matter with you? Oh somebody elses beliefs offend you? Stop being a little bitch and turn around and shut up. Your breathing offends me. Your stupidity offends me. Yet I am not getting into a hatefull comment war with all of you. Why? Because even if you're wrong and hatefull and stupid I am aware that it's still your opinion that you are *unfortunally* allowed to have. Maybe this particular thing sets me off even more because there's people that I love that are also gay and it could be them. And let me tell you something about these people, they're the kindest, sweetest, nicest people you could ever meet. There's not an evil bone in their bodies. I was glancing through the list of victims and all I could think about was, this could be my friends, these are somebodys friends, somebodys kids, family. Loved ones. They're not just a number and they're not some ''freaks'' they are people, with families, goals, dreams, something somebody took from them and for what? Because of hate. I just...I can't even...this should never happen. Let me post a quote;

''How about we treat every young man who wants to buy a gun like every woman who wants to get an abortion — mandatory 48-hr waiting period, parental permission, a note from his doctor proving he understands what he’s about to do, a video he has to watch about the effects of gun violence, an ultrasound wand up the ass (just because). Let’s close down all but one gun shop in every state and make him travel hundreds of miles, take time off work, and stay overnight in a strange town to get a gun. Make him walk through a gauntlet of people holding photos of loved ones who were shot to death, people who call him a murderer and beg him not to buy a gun. It makes more sense to do this with young men and guns than with women and health care, right? I mean, no woman getting an abortion has killed a room full of people in seconds, right?''

Makes sense doesn't it? And to the rest of you who are grinding your teeth together deciding what disgusting comment or email should you send me. Let me stop you right there. I don't care. You wont make a difference. You won't change my mind. I will still support what I believe in and I believe in love and equality. Everyone deserves to love and be loved and it doesn't matter who or by who. So think about it. You weren't the gunman in this situation but you don't like gay people, you don't like gay characters in movies, you don't like to see two men or two women holding hands. The general idea of someone being gay disgusts you and you think they're sinners who need to be ''saved''. You were upset when they were allowed to marry, you insult them and call them names, you think death is what they deserve...found yourself in any of these? Yeah you weren't the gunman but you are the culture that made him. You are the bullets in his gun. You are what is wrong with this world.

To all the parents, family, friends of the victims, I am so sorry you have to go through this, life is horrible and unfair and cruel. I hope at least their deaths are not in vain, I hope finally the world is ready to change. Slim chance but one can always hope.

Now if we move to the happier subjects...not that I can muster up a lot of hapiness today but here's some really good news. Not only did I pass math but I did it with 70% I can't remember the last time I was quite as happy. This is something I'm terrible at, something I really struggle with but I sucked it up and proved me and everyone around me wrong. I am not stupid and I can do this and I did it. Now only the finals and I'm done with school forever. That is if I don't at some point later on decide to do something else with my life. You never know. But in the mean time...woah guys, huge step, I'm actually finishing school. Here's a day that felt like will never come. I don't like to brag but I am rather proud of myself for comming this far.

Let me finish this off with a drawing I managed to do in between all the crazy that's been happening. Yeah even managed a drawing. Now tell me I'm not wonder woman. I dare you! Hah.

My two favorite knuckleheads. Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth of All time low. It took me about 16 hours to complete this and you can see my concentration falling at some places. I loved doing it though. Any excuse you have to stare at them for hours is a good one. Anyways off to bed. Another friday night and I'm home alone going to bed early. What. is. happening? I really am getting old. Enjoy your weekend guys. Stay safe out there.

Only a quitter would let it go. I'm your fool in a one man show. I was so bitter, 'til you came along. You set my sails when the tide was low.

We're going down this road with tears in our rear view mirror. Far from home, but in the dark, you'll know, with me you've got nothing to fear.

So let's run away. They will have to find another heart to break. Why don't we just run away? Never turn around, no matter what they say. We'll find our way. When the sun goes down on this town, there'll be no one left, but us. Just like runaways, they will have to find some other hearts to break.

I had never been more embarrassed of my nationality as I am today.

I said I'm starting over and making a new blog. A positive place for all the things I love and all the things I feel so passionate about but lately that has proven to be difficult. Lately it's so hard to stay positive or even keep the positive outlook on life. Last night was literally the final straw. I've been contemplating this for a while but now an idea is more then just an idea it's an actual plan. I don't want to live my entire life in this country. In a country full of hate, homophobia, surrounded by razor blade wire where the biggest problem isn't collapsing economy and politics but who loves who. I can't live in a country where the church has so much imput and can lie and manipulate people to vote in their favor. I can't live in a country filled with idiots who can barely count to ten much less make any serious desitions and I sure as fuck can't live in a country where majority thinks it's okay to decide and ruin the lives of minority. Haven't you realized by now? The church is a disgusting, greedy institution that lies, cheats, manipulates and has more ''sins'' on their own front doors then anyone else. This referendum was not ''for the children'', fuck all of you who are too god damn stupid to realize that. Adoption in this country is near impossible, there is no ''baby market'', homosexual couples won't ''buy children'', there is no such thing! The only thing that this law would change the thing that you now ruined is a chance for two people that love eachother getting married. Congratufuckinglations I hope you're real fucking proud of yourself. The only other thing you did is use children in your lying, deceiving, disgusting, dirty political campaign. To be honest you disgust me. Are we back in the middle ages? What's next you start burning women claiming they're witches? Jesus fucking christ. But good thing you worry about the children right? Good thing you don't turn the other way when kids go to bed hungry because both parents lost their jobs, good thing you don't turn around when the pedophilic priest touches, molests, rapes children, good thing you don't turn around when an abusive, alcoholic father beats them up every night. Good thing you don't turn around when there's bullying and abuse in schools from other kids, the kids you raise, the same dumb fucks as yourself. Oh wait, no, my bad. Those kids don't matter only kids of homosexual parents matter because god forbid a child having two loving parents of whatever gender. The only thing that fucking matters is you ruining the lives of 0,01% of people. Because in this country the churches influence is just too strong because there's no way one can be a family if it's not mom, dad, child. Well fuck you very much. I grew up without a dad, doesn't mean I didn't have a family. It only means I had a family different from your ''traditional'' bullshit. And so what? I turned out alright didn't I? My friend had ''normal'' straight parents growing up, parents that go to church every sunday and he turned out to be gay. Why? Because you don't wake up one day saying ''oh, you know what? I think I'm gonna be gay now, yeah that sounds like fun''. No, you're born gay and you people are just too damn dumb to realize that. And his family, ''loving'', ''supporting'', ''normal'' family said he's dead to them. But thank god he had a father and a mother growing up huh? And you call that good parents? Is that a family you want to live in, a family you want any child to live in? Jesus christ what is the matter with you? Is it really better to have rapes, abuse, alcoholism and god knows what else just in the sake of having two parents of different genders? Does it really matter who raises a child as long as they love that child and support them? But then again why am I even surprised? The majority of the people voting against; old, stupid, uneducated, religious, from the country where the only source of any kind of ''news'' is the preacher. Of fucking course. What a surprise really. But you know a wise man once said, we get what we deserve and this is excatly what we deserve, this is excatly what this close minded, hateful, stupid, judgemental country deserves. And if I quote someone for the end ''I sure hope one day homosexuals vote on heterosexual pay checks, let's call the referendum ''campaign for peace'' of course it won't be for peace but it will sure as hell sound nice''. I couldn't of say it better myself. You reap what you sow, we wanted this and now this is what we have. Democracy and independence. And what around 30% of people that attended making a law legal. Not just this law but every law in the past few years, every political party, every president, 30% deciding how the rest lives. I just...I can't even. I am completly done, with the people, with this country, with the politics, with everything and everyone. All I know is that this is not a place I want to live in, this is not the life I want to live and sure as fuck this is not a place I'd want to have a family in. Any family.