It's coming closer the flames are now licking my body, please, won't you help me I feel like I'm slipping away. It's hard to breathe and my chest is a-heaving, lord Almighty I'm burning a hole where I lay.

I don't know about you, but something is so soothing to me, when it's two or three in the morning and the world is asleep, lights are off in the city, stars are out and it's just you with your hot cup of coffee or cocoa, looking at the sky, enjoying the peace and quiet, lost in your thoughts.  Though I have to say being lost in my thoughts lately aint such a great thing. But the alone and quiet is. Yeah I'm not really awake because I want to be but because sleep does not come easy. I imagine lots of you feel the same way…

Been doing a lot of late night doodles at least, another curse of artistic people, why WHY do creative juices only flow at night? I honestly think it's that peace and quiet bit that helps. No distractions, no people, no ''noise''. I could easily write twenty pages, or make ten solid sketches in an hour at night but during the day it would take me longer than a week. Nothing is also more soothing than gentle music playing while you let your pencil take you where ever it does. Though honestly that creativity I can't find lately, portraits sure, but sitting down, exploring shapes, colors, patterns…sigh. Music as well. Sometimes I just feel passion is gone. I can't count the number of nights I spend in silence now, while silence used to drive me crazy.

And you know what else drives me crazy? If you're not part of SPN family (or haven't seen the finale –lucky you -), do skip this paragraph. I think by now we all saw endless opinions, videos, tweets, anything else on the season finale? Y'all seen the ''leaked script''? Honestly I just wanted to sit down and sob, THAT was the perfect ending, the ending we all wanted and deserved, everything was just right. And instead, we got…whatever that was. I think what made me angrier was how in Deans heaven was basically just people that did him wrong, abused him and just generally treated him awful. Like John, Mary? I get it they're his parents, but most abuse comes from family anyways. Who would want that heaven? I mean a Led Zepp concert and a cold beer would be much better. And you know what bugs me even more? Nothing was resolved. No apology, no resolution, nothing. Dean was thrown into heaven and forced to forget and move on. I get so annoyed and so angry at these real life ''happy family'' facades, specially around holidays and to watch it in the show too? Ugh.  Honestly a lot bothers me with this ending, as you possibly, maybe, most likely, noticed by now but this one, this one is top five issue I got with the end. It's a good thing fanfic exists. I love all y'all writing endings of your own to soothe all our pain. I appreciate you so much. Just like that one ''I can dig Elvis''. Hell. So good. And so freakin painful. Which brings us to whatever the hell I wanted to rant about today.

Usually when I can sleep, I put on some Elvis, his incredible voice and an amazing vocal range used to help. My dad would sing some ''Are you lonesome tonight?'' on occassion. Not saying it was done too well. He sounded more like a wounded moose than the King. But you know. It's the thought that counts. I loved Elvis as a musician, always, but fond memories make things even better. You know how sometimes hearing a certain song you haven't heard in a while, literally just transports you mentally in a different time and place? Usually a better time and place…yeah that kinda feeling.  

Nothing used to be better than that one Elvis record that sounds and feels just right. Or a silly movie which he made a ton of like ''Girls, girls, girls'' and ''It happened at the worlds fair'', two of my favourites, the second one especially. Lately nothing feels just right no more though, might be this doom and gloom, the lockdowns, the walking dead feel of the world…I don't know…but all that aside, how about some words on one of my fave records by him? I have too many as is and goal is to one day have them all (and possibly a storage unit to keep them) but this one I'm quite certain was played the most, greatest hits on CD and iPod aside.

You know the first time my boyfriend sat in my car and the engine started and Elvis started playing (I think it was ''Burning love'' (how appropriate come to think of it) he was like ''oh god I hate you right now, really? Elvis?'' and when I told him to shut it because Elvis is a classic he told me, he's buying me some actual classic, which resulted in Motley Crue and Guns N' Roses vinyl. Ridiculous because he should know I love both those bands. I guess my point here is, a couple more such conversations later, when I was actually just annoyed with him he learned to like Elvis, you know that ''I can dig Elvis'' type thing? I catch him humming his songs to himself now, he'll deny it of course but he does it. It's adorable.

                       

I'm not going to rant about this album, because he has so much good music. Rather some things I just love about him, his voice and taste in cars / bikes aside. Not to be a horny unchained housewife but have y'all seen him move? I mean it's not just the ''sexy moves'' it's the whole deal, the style, the mood, the aesthetics. He really did his own thing. Found his own path. That is so hard, which is why I admire it that much more. I want so badly to fit in, to find my own place in the world like he did. Another thing I guess not everyone knows is just how good he was. A real kind, caring soul. In his days people didn't do shit to brag with it on social media. He did what he did because he wanted to because he was a good person. Elvis was known to go out of his way to help someone, to make a difference in their lives, and not just family and friends but also complete strangers that he came across. Let's not even get into his work with hospitals and benefit concerts. An angel.

He's a legend, people still love him today. New generations still listen to him now. It's amazing, the impact on peoples lives and music he had. I mean yeah there's a lot of people who also don't like him (crazy but okay tastes vary) but they can't deny that he was an amazing singer and a very charismatic preformer. Y'all seen that show in that black leather jacket and that smile? Yeah I died a little not going to lie.

''A date with Elvis'', I'd sell my family for that no joke. I noticed there are several different versions of this album. Same thing, small differences. The 1959 version is supposed to be a gatefold with pictures from the army. Anyone has it? That true? If it is I will most likely scream because Elvis in a uniform (or on a mug shot for that matter) is totally my weakness. And on blue vinyl even. Shoot me now.  Actually you know these re releases annoy me when they stray from original. If you gonna re release something then make it as it was, else what's the point?

You know this record has a so called ''sister album'' titled ''For LP fans'' which I don't have (sad face) and in my opinion it's a bit better than this one. The highlights for me are no doubt ''Baby lets play house'' because it's that top artist kinda wibe and it's a fun song, after that Elvis really developed into a ballad singer, which you know, I love, because nothing beats his ballads but still, you can't hate a bit variety. And of course let's not forget ''Baby I don't care'' which is just a brilliant song, cute, fun, smart, might just be the best song in it's type he recorded tbh.

As my friends say my music taste is all over the place, deep down, always a heavy metal, rock child but to be honest, being stuck in one genre and never trying out something new because ''it's not my style'' or ''it's not cool'' seems like such a waste of good music. Honestly there's more pop, classical and mostly country music on my iPod than it is rock and metal and I have zero regrets. Sometimes I just want soft music instead of angry yelling all the time. Got enough of that in real life tbh.

Right, excuse me while I go put on some Elvis, with a drink to go with too (please tell me I'm not the only one, thinking dirty thoughts?) and try to get through this gloomy Monday.

                        

Cheers guys.

I am cancelling my subscription to 2020 because I hated every single minute of it.

SPOILER ALERT; This post contains spoilers about the Supernatural ending, don't read ahead if you haven't yet seen it. Though if you haven't seen it, maybe do yourself a favor and don't watch it, because I swear to Jack I would sell my soul to a crossroads demon to be able to unsee it.

(photo of Facebook, credit to the owners)

So my lovely SPN family how are we feeling today? Pretty fucking terrible aye. I have a hard time even deciding what's the worst part of this ''experience''. It's like I get it all things must end at some point. I'm not that upset that it ended after 15 years. Okay, I am, I'm going to miss the show so much, it's been a constant in my life for 15 years, it's been a comfort through many many many fucking rough weeks, but that's not really the point here. The point is that this ending, this ending was not the ending to my show. I can't believe how they done us so dirty. I can't believe they could ever possibly do this to us, to the loyal fans who've been there since day one who deserved better, and to the actors who gave their all to the show, to the characters and definatelly deserved better.

As a starters I have a huge fucking problem with how they treated Jensen Ackles. My baby, I'm so sorry for what they did to you. Like fuck. He spent 15 years of his life, his talent, his blood, sweat and tears, for this character, for making Dean Winchester who he was. He declined several huge movie roles like the Captain America out of loyalty to SPN and to us. Ackles who would of easily won an Oscar for a movie, because I never doubted for a second that he's too good for Supernatural. An amazing actor, the sheer emotion he can paint with just his face and eyes without a word…amazing. Jensen who was apart from his family for months on end every year to shoot the show for us, missing probably birthdays and important milestones, missing out on his kids lives…Jensen loved Dean and cared about his story more than any writer ever did, he put growth and changes into his character. Ackles grew with Dean and he put thought into every little thing which is what made this character, this show this good. Jensen hated HATED the ending but was convinced or better yet discouraged, lied to, convinced that he's wrong that he's just too close to his character (who wouldn't be after 15 years?) and that the ending is actually good. Fuck you CW, Jensen was right all along, because this ending is shit.

Misha, my other baby…should I even comment? HE DESERVED BETTER.

Y'all gonna sit there and tell me that we watched 15 years of character development, we watched an entire season of Dean fighting tooth and nail to get free, to be free, to be able to live his life as he wants to, just to have him die three days after he was in fact free? Die in a bullshit case his daddy worked 15 years ago. So in the end he died not only the most sensless death ever but he died what he never wanted to be, daddy's little soldier. Fuck that. And you're going to sit there and tell me that in a show where death is an option, where everyone is brought back, where Jack becomes God, he couldn't sweep down and save his fucking life? Are you fucking kidding me?! No no, he was punished, punished for being bi / gay. I know how this shit goes. The entire point of the story, the arc of the story is that they escape the so called destiny they have bestowed upon them. Dean dying young and bloody, Sam living a happy white fucking picket fence life, Castiel just non existant.

And you know what bugs me? The whole…death thing. Dean just letting go, just like that. It's proposterous, Dean was not like that. He would never leave Sammy, Dean who loved and protected his brother just letting him go like that? I don't think so. And Dean who loved Cas who said he needs him, that Cas is his family, just casually chugging down a plate full of pies, never discussing that Cas is gone. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Is everything a joke?! Dean wanted to live, he applied for a mechanic job, he wanted out of the life, he had a dog! A DOG! I can't take this bullshit honest to god. And Cas who admitted he loved him, he couldn't of appear in that fucking barn and do something? What is that? Please don't start with the whole COVID excuse, COVID didn't write a bullshit ending.

And you know what I hate even more? How they just shut down the whole BI / GAY thing. In the end Dean literally wasn't allowed to even speak! Up in heaven when Bobby tells him that Jack fixed heaven with the help of Cas, what does Dean do? Smiles a tiny smile and just stares into the void, not saying a thing. Not saying ''such a Cas thing to do'' not asking where Cas is. Nothing. I kept checking how many minutes are left, waiting for that one moment that never came. I can't even begin to explain the disappointment.  I'm sorry but after 15 years of Dean being the heart and soul of this show and of the audience, his voice, his experiences, relatable, leading us through thick and thin, helping us grow as well,  15 fucking years of Dean carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, fighting against all odds, fighting like crazy only to be silenced. Because sure it makes sense, you kill god but a nail will kill you. Are you fucking kidding me?! I know I say that a lot, but like are you? Am I having like some sort of psychic episode and it's really April fools day? Will the real ending premiere next week with Gabriel saying ''you didn't think we're really ending things like this did you'' and with a wink the screen will go black, after obviously things are set right. So because Dean loved a man, and a man loved Dean they didn't deserve a proper ending, they didn't deserve a voice. Dean didn't deserve happiness, he didn't deserve to be loved, hell he didn't deserve to even live. What kinda message is that sending to gay / bi / queer youth? That they don't matter because in the end Dean didn't matter either? I am so disgusted. I am so angry. I am so dissappointed. I literally can't even think about Dean Winchester right now without wanting to commit murder suicide.

Thank you SPN for giving us the stupidest death ever  to a most loved character, thank you for ignoring  a character that's been there carrying this show for 12 years, thank you for being homophobic, thank you for having only one fan favourite in the last episode, thank you for putting the car in heaven ''gonna go for a drive''? the fuck? Those minutes with Dean driving around would be so much better doing literally anything but that! Are you freaking serious?!, thank you for completely ignoring a story line introduced two epsiodes before and never completed, and lets not even get into all other story lines that were never fucking pursued and completed. Eileen?!  Thank you for destroying years of growth and development of characters that led up to that one single fucked up moment . Thank you for going against everything that this show was about, against everything we learned to believe, everything we loved. But mostly thank you, and I mean really thank you,  because the last two episodes were so fucking far removed from anything I love and consider my favourite show that honestly my brain is blocking it out and refusing to believe it happened. Must of been some seriously poorly written fanfic or a hallucination of a really bad ending.

In the end I know this is ''just a show'' believe me after everyone, mostly my family, telling me non stop that I'm insane for getting this involved in ''just a show'' I get it. But what they don't get is that to me, to us, the fans it's really not just a show. It's so much more. I met so many nice people due to it. I learned so much just from watching (not only how to kill just about everything), I felt less alone knowing I am not in fact alone. I actually became stronger ''always keep fighting'' right? In a way my favourite show changed me, and in a way that ending killed me but as Misha said ''even when the story is written, you can write your own ending'' and that's true. They may have robbed us of the perfect ending we all wanted but that won't change the fact that we can write our own ending.

In spite of it all…thank you to the actors for bringing this story alive, for making it what it was up to…you know. I loved growing with the story, I loved watching them grow, I love their friendship and I love my SPN family. The ending just forgetting that family doesn't end with blood means nothing. SPN family still is and always will be family. Alright I'll stop ranting, but you guys if you need someone to vent to, someone to cry to, feel free, comments are always open. I love y'all, we'll get through this.

Things I found out through hard times and good I wrote 'em all out in ink and blood, dug deep in my soul and signed my name true, and sent it in my letter to you.

I called this album the only thing that can save 2020 and I was right. I knew he's the only one where I can have high hopes (see what I did there?) and he will not disappoint. First of all Rob DeMartin, can I just say if jealousy would burn, the world would go up in flames. Those B&W photos taken of the man himself in the studio? Brilliant. Amazing. Perfect. Masterpiece. Think I would explode into uniorns and rainbows and glitter if I ever got the chance to set foot in Bosses studio, never mind photograph him. 

Before I even get into this brilliant perfection of an album, can I just say that this is the absolute worse time to release it? It deserves to be celebrated on each and every one of the world stages, arenas, stadiums and fields. There is literally nothing that would uplift the world more than that would right now. For me anyways. i didn't even realise how badly I needed new music from him till I listened to this and counted all my damn lucky stars to have him in my life. To somehow exist the same time as he does, to have him still make music that matters and music that is every bit as amazing as it was in the begining. Yes, I'm looking at you Jon. 

This is the Bosses 20th album and he hasn't lost his magic. Not even a tiny bit of it. And if anything he brought even more magic with this piece. I didn't think it was even possible, I didn't imagine he can do something like he did this time, but he proved me wrong, he proved me what a brilliant mind he really is. (Not that I ever doubted you love.) Imagine a dark room, nothing but this vinyl on, you get lost in the music, lost in some sort of bubble of happiness and a world which seemed to all but disappear outside your front door. The sound on here is something else, it's so pure, so real, it will make you feel like your breaking quarantine rules. I swear with eyes closed and full volume on, I almost felt it, the excitment, the tingle of the live show, heart racing, the emotions. It's everything I wanted and needed. If you're blessed enough to have seen the Boss and E Street live, you'll know what I'm talking about, if not…shit you're missing out on life.

 

What makes this album so special and different is the fact that although Boss and the band have been playing together since 1972, this is the first time the whole thing is recorded, live, together in the same room. Can you imagine that? I mean yeah that's how albums used to be made, no recording bit by bit and then mashing them together, but actually sitting down and playing and what happens happens. Amazing. And god it makes my hair stand up thinking ''oh to be in that room and see history unfold''. There's not a thing I wouldn't give for that to happen. 

Aparently it was Stevie Van Zandt who asked for no demos but instead just sit the band down and play. Can I literally give him a huge hug for that one? Like for real. Dad and I talked once that maybe the months of demos and going back and forth is what takes it out of the songs, it takes a tiny bit of that magic that songs might have had. And it could possbly be true, because recording these albums with all the demos all the adjustments and so on used to take the band months but this one, the ''lets sit down and play and see what gives'' this album took exactly four days to record. Aparently on the fifth day, they sat down and just listened through. Sounds a bit Biblical doesn't it? ''And on the eight day god created…'' (Harley Davidson and Rock'N'Roll if you must know. Lol.) but not far off anyways, I keep telling people if I had a god, it would most definatelly be The Boss.

Do y'all know how this album came to be in the first place? Bruce was preforming the ''Springsteen on Broadway'' which is btw, something I will never forgive myself, my life, Satan and God himself for not seeing. Yes, Broadway is not exactly close I get it, but I mean…if you love something…anyways he was doing that while his friend ''George Theiss'' was battling cancer. He was the only one besides Bruce that remained from a band that existed way before E Street. That band was called Castile and when George passed away that inspired a song, a song that is now on this album called ''The last man standing''.  What actually matters more is the fact that an ''Italian kid'' gave him a guitar, at the back door of the theatre one night which inspired other songs. Can.you.just.imagine.that? To be the person to say ''I gave Boss this guitar that inspired all of the songs on his new album''? Or vice versa really, being given a guitar by the Boss, a guitar that God himself has touched. Excuse me while I die over here or sob for the entire week. 

The album starts with ''One minute you're here'' and it's a line, just one line, the first line he sings, that's enough to have me crying. Sobbing. Bawling. I love this man so much y'all have no idea.  the voice. Holy hell. It's like…a feeling you know. That feeling of a crisp cold autumn morning. When everything around you is frozen, covered in frost, creating unique and beautiful patterns. The air smells fresh and clear and you're wrapped in your favourite leather jacket, worn but comforting. That's what his voice is like, fresh, clear, beautiful, comforting, like warmth surrounding you on a cold morning. 

The song itself talks about loss, well I suppose that's obvious from the title of the song but, loss itself is sort of a red line flowing though the entire album. Not just loss of people, loss of loved ones but loss of hope as well. I mean, it's not that surprising is it? 2020 being as it is. It's relatable. We all lost someone we cared about at one point or another. Bruce has always been the one talking about sadness, grief, tragedy. I think he found his comfort in the thematics, letting it out on paper, letting it out in music instead of letting it consume him. Brilliant really. I think that's what it is, that's what I love so much about him. Life is terrible, and everything sucks but I can count on him to be there to say it will all be okay in the end. Maybe it isn't. Maybe it wont be, but it's a hell of a lot easier with him around. 

Second song is ''Letter to you'' the title track. I doubt I could find the words to describe how in love with this song I am. The voice on that ''I took all the sunshine and rain, all my happiness and all my pain''. Can I just melt into space? Please? Holy perfection. It's a classic Springsteen song, music and lyrics being exactly what you'd expect from him. Old school rock anthem, a stadium hit. With the best music, that rambling, groovy, rock melody we know and love and the perfect raspy voice with a message of hope. You know, shit's fucked up but hell it's worth trying and it's worth holding on. And I just love how I can feel both Roy Orbison and Bob Dylan in this song. Which is more of a Deja vu if anything. Boss himself said that they as well as  Phil Spector influenced his album ''Born to run''. 

Things go on with ''Burnin' Train''. The drumming in the begining! That beat. I love it so much. That's the real fire here. Have you noticed how often there's things on fire in his songs? Things burning? ''I'm on fire'' the less known ''Fire'' which I love so much more actually. He played it live in Milano on the River tour due to a fan sign request. If you're that fan and reading this now, I love you and I wish you nothing but good things. 

''Janey needs a shooter'' . Lots of Janeys no? I'm not jealous shut up. This is not a new song mind you, it's been recorded and re recorded a couple of times. I think it was actually written in 1973. I'm not sure about that though. I know though it was supposed to be on several albums through the 70's but it never made the cut. I wonder why now. Maybe it was just the right time. It's a very Bob Dylan kinda song.  Maybe that's what made Columbia see him as the ''new Dylan''. Yeah no thank you. I mean I love Dylan but seriously no. 

I heard some reviews saying that ''Letter to you'' due to the song ''Last man standing'' could be a goodbye note. Who ever said that…no, I shouldn't. I will censor myself to ''I hope you spill your coffee every Monday morning''. I don't even want to think about such a thing, much less imagine it happen. Listen I get it, nobody lives forever, and some artists should retire a long while ago coughBonJovicough but just don't. As I wrote above ''Last man standing'' is about being the only remaining member of the old band.  It must weigh heavily on his mind sometimes. I mean he's so open and outspoken about his depression and his songs as well are so open and honest. Despite him being 71 now and lets be honest more fit than I am, I know it makes you stop and think, shit I'm the only one left. Must be rough at times. This song is also the first one we hear the amazing little Clemons on the saxophone. Any Boss fan will know how missed Clarence is, by us and mostly by the man himself. Jake Clemons had real big shoes to fill and I think he did just that brilliantly. It's impressing and amazing how hauntingly alike the sound is to Clarence. 

''Power of prayer'' comes next. While my first thought would be that yes people probably do find the power in their prayers. Or comfort at least. This song seems quite nostalgic to me and I do love that we get to hear more of Clemons in it. It aint easy you know. Playing the saxophone. My dad did it. And quite brilliantly may I add. I tried several times. Holy hell. Nearly blew my lungs out, nothing but mad respect for those who do it for ''a few'' hours on stage. Wild. Did you hear how Jake came to the band anyway? He didn't get in just because he's a Clemons mind you, he had to audition just like anyone else would and he has the balls to come in saying ''I only sorta know a few songs''. Oh my god. You got balls of steel kid. I'd never had the nerve to say that to the Boss, also, hm I kinda only know all of the songs by heart. 

Are we going to guess who the ''House of a thousand guitars'' refers with the ''the criminal clown has stolen the throne, he steals what he can never own''. Yeah I think we all know. He understands the search of inspiration or say the lack of it ''here the bitter and the bored, wake in search of the lost chord''. I doubt he ever struggled with writers block, I doubt he ever came to a point where he had nothing to say or didn't know how to say it but the solidarity with the writers who do is just heartwarming and exactly the kinda thing Bruce would do. What I really love about this song is that line ''so wake and shake off your troubles my friend, we'll go where the music never ends, from the stadiums to the small town bars, we'll light up the house of a thousand guitars''. It's comforting. It almost feels as if he's standing next to you with a hand on your shoulder or a nice warm hug. Hell, maybe this hell will end and we'll smile looking back at it one day when everything is okay again. You know what I mean? No matter how fucked up the world is, you need to remain hopeful. I'm the last person to say that I know but hell I aint losing hope of hearing these songs live someday soon. Or better sob to these songs someday soon. Let's be serious I'll turn into a freaking fountain at the first chord of ''One minute you're here''. 

This album is made to make you forget the troubles for a little bit. It's a little bubble of perfect happiness. And though I expected a more political album from the Boss, kinda a second coming to ''Wrecking ball'' you know? I didn't know this was actually exactly what I needed. Politics is mentioned only briefly in the song ''Rainmaker''. It's an obvious anti Trump song without saying so. It's not a cheap ridiculous line as direct as a ''fuck Trump'' (even if that would of been just fine too) but ''sometimes folks need to believe in something so bad, so bad, so bad''. No need to guess what or who this is about. Boss is not like that, he will not tell you what to do or how to think, he's telling you TO think. To open your eyes and your mind. I love this song, not only the message but jesus the way it starts slow and slowly builds up and that little growl you hear, amazing. 

''If I was the priest''…you best believe I'd be in church every damn day. Sorry. Couldn't help myself. Close your eyes and listen to this song. You can just hear a western movie, he's the priest, Jesus is a sheriff. I think the song is far deeper then it seems in the first listen through. It's about lines being slightly blurry between good and bad, failure and success. If you listen to the begining ''there's a light on younder mountain and it's calling me to shine, there's a girl over by the water fountain asking to be mine.'' (jesus, always, all you gotta do is ask. Lol) to me, that suggests that happiness is near, all you have to do is reach out and grab it but life will always pull you down. You know what I mean? The song ends where it starts which symbolises the ballance between good and bad that much more and come to think of it what you're saying here is giving up happiness for some familiar comfort and have you ever thought how the very things that define happiness are the things a priest must give up? And a priest giving those things up is considered good. Giving up good things in life is considered good. So what is good anyways? Point is. Bruce is not a fan of religion and he makes this very clear once again in this song where he pretty much described the hypocrisy that is the Catholic church. 

How about them ''Ghosts'' you guys? A love letter to rock'n'roll. And I tell you now, when the world is normal again, and concerts are a thing, this is going to be a stadium anthem and no doubt a fan favourite live. Obviously the song is also about those we lost, as I said loss is a prominent key on this album. No doubt Clarence was strongly on his mind when writing this one. He said that this song is about ''beauty and joy of being in a band and the pain of losing one another to illness and time. Ghosts tries to speak to the spirit of the music itself, something none of us owns but can only discover and share together''.  A true genius ladies and gentlemen.  It starts on these classic E Street band melodies we know and love like again in ''Born to run'' or say ''Darkness on the edge of town'' but then it builds up with this new different kind of harmony, one that you would for sure sing along no scream along on a life show. It gives me goosebumps all over you guys. Yes ALL over. 

''Song for orphans'' is another one that was revived so to say. It's been written in the 70's and actually he preformed it in 2005. I'm not sure if it's the same version as it is right now but the one on this album is pretty much perfect. It has a Dylanish vibe and also a tiny bit of Tom Petty. What's not to love obviously. 

The album ends with ''I'll see you in my dreams'' and let me just say something first. There has never been a better ending to any album ever. Ever. That drawl. Those lyrics. Those feelings. I can't breathe. Maybe that much more because there's someone who I can only see in my dreams too. Maybe once you understand the songs pass enjoying the melody, maybe thats when they hit harder, hurt more, maybe that's when you love them more. ''I'll see you in my dreams'' is a beautiful perfectly written and structured song, sang with so much emotion, sincerity and mostly depth. It's comforting like the rest of the album is, but comforting in a different way, as in death is not the end and maybe you do get to see those you love and lost in your dreams.  What matters more is that the Church of E street is strong and is going to go strong. This is not the end you guys. Boss made it clear this time is the time of reflection not conclusion and there's so much more music to come. Sometimes I swear when life gets so hard that's the only reason to keep going. For me I mean. The only reason to have more hope and to be strong and just get through the day, week, month. 

Honestly ''Letter to you'' is exactly what we needed right now, hope and uplift instead of doom and gloom (yes Bon Jovi looking at you again). It's the Boss and it's the E street at it's rawest and actually most perfect state. I love every single second of this album. Like I predicted that it's going to be perfect and that it's going to be the only highlight of 2020, I was right. I feel blessed to have him to fall back on. I know putting my hopes into him wont disappoint like so many others did. (no not looking at Bon Jovi this time. Well partly, but others as well). Can we also take a moment for that album cover, front and back. I mean I hate snow but I might start liking it now. And the booklet with those few transparent pages? Don't even get me started on that etched vinyl, no I aint never seen that before, or actually knew it can be done and holy shit is it perfect? Yes. All of it. Together. Perfection. A true nod to the perfection that is music. A beautiful and carefully put together package. 

You've obviously noticed through this love letter that I am absolutely in love with the man. And several other posts, which through the years there's been plenty of. The Boss is like Batman, he comes when called upon, he comes when we need him most. Take a look over the past 20 years, him and the E Street came together each time we needed them most. Each time their voice, their music gave us more purpose. ''The Rising'' as a reaction to 9/11. ''Wrecking ball'' still one of the best and practically the angriest albums I own and love, a reaction to the people and the ''bastards'' responsible for the financial crisis in 2007. Bruce's music is driven by passion for the music but also by the passion to stir up something in his fans. His audience. Food for thought I'd say. Let's be honest, ''Letter to you'' and it's release is no accident or coincident. Y'all heard that Boss is moving to Australia if Trump gets a second term (babe, should you ever read this, how about Europe instead? I mean I don't want the ginger psycho to win, but should the worst happen…think about Italy aye?), and given how you don't need to think too hard who the ''Rainmaker'' is about…as an addition this album has a black and white movie companion available on Apple TV. It shows his home studio as a museum of sorts, old guitars and old faded pictures littering the walls. All I can think about though is ''heaven''. Heaven right there. I could get lost in the studio for hours. I'd feel blessed just to stroke the strings that gave us so many amazing melodies…sigh. Let a girl dream okay?

I believe ''Letter to you'' is a love letter to fans, love letter to all of us. A letter connecting the past and present. A letter connecting us. A beautiful ode from a beautiful poet. And every second is a magical experience. Do yourself a favor, turn down the lights, put it on loud, and just enjoy. 

Happy Halloween to all my rock'n'rollers, crash queens and motor babies.

''Look alive, Sunshine. 109 in the sky but the pigs won't quit. You're here with me: Dr. Death-Defying. I'll be your surgeon, your proctor, your helicopter, pumpin' out the slaughtermatic sounds to keep you alive. A system failure for the masses, antimatter for the master plan, louder than God's revolver and twice as shiny. This one's for all of you rock'n'rollers, all you crash queens and motor babies. Listen up! The future is bulletproof! The aftermath is secondary! It's time to do it now and do it loud! Killjoys, make some noise!''

''Alright, Children, the lights are out and the party's over. It's time for me: Doctor D to start running and say goodbye for a little while, and I know you're gonna miss me, so I'll leave you with this; you know that big ball of radiation we call the sun? Well it'll burst you into flames if you stay in one place too long that is if the static don't get you first. So remember even if you're dusted, you may be gone but out here in the desert your shadow lives on without you. This is Dr. Death Defying, Signing off.''

''If you wake up in the morning, it is a good day''.

Another Monday another book review. Yep book review not album. Gotta change it up now and then. I wasn't that much into reading after high school. I swear those assholes have a god given gift to throw you off reading forever. I still shiver remembering the crap they made us read. So depressing that slitting your wrists open seems like a joyful event. Listen I get literatury geniuses and all that but for fuck sakes not everything should be force fed down kids throats. To be honest if I was a teacher, I wouldn't give two fucks about what you're reading, can be that garbage of 50 shades of (fucked up) grey. I don't care. You're passionate about it? You like it? Good for you. Read that. I don't understand this bullying and opression and forcing kids to read heavy, depressing, difficult books that throw them off reading for a life time. Like, really I don't. 

It took me quite a while to get back into reading as a hobby. I'd say fanfiction played a role in that as well. Lol. Hey some writers are really talented and my SPN family will understand if I only say one thing ''Elvis''. Yeah that one killed me. Over the years though I found literature that I enjoy most. I read heavy books now too. I enjoy crime novels, but honestly romance and fantasy is my favorite genre because let's be honest, real life is a horror story. No need to read about those as well. I am that much of a ''girl'' to like Twilight as dumb as it is. And the Shadowhunter series. I like teen cute books like ''Love, Simon'' and ''Everything, everything''. And I absolutely love Hemingway and Poe. 

Sometimes you have to step out of the comfort zone though, read different books, historical books. Try different stories. You know what they say? Those that read a million books lived a million lives. Some lives I'd rather not live. Not all history is pretty. Actually I suppose most history is not pretty. So for a change I went into this book.

Heather Morris / The Tattooist of Auschwitz

It was a gift. And I found myself really enjoying it. I don't know I guess I'm a sucker for impossible / forbidden love. But only the ones that end up happy. I don't like stories with tragic endings. Same reason as above. This book was on bestseller list for the longest time and slammed for being heavily inauthetic. I mean. Okay. Yes. I see why. I can't imagine many things in the book being legit. I mean perhaps the main character in the story was in fact this lucky. Managed to survive many times where others would be shot on site. Managed to get by rather easily given how most prisoners were actually treated…It seems just a bit…far fetched you know? But if all is true…then all I can say is he had some seriously powerful guardian angel looking after him.

The story says to be ''based on the powerful true story'' of Lale Sokolov. Lale was a Slovakian Jew who was forcibly transported to the concentration camp Birkenau in April 1942. Upon discovering that he speaks several languages and with some help and luck he became the tattooists helper and later the ''Tatowierer''. Imagine that permanently marking fellow prisoners. The tattoo nobody would want and a permanent reminder even years after. Maybe this ''tattooist story'' shocked me a bit more because it's more personal. I had an aunt in Auschwitz, along with her mother and grandmother and chances are high that it was Lale who tattooed them upon arrival. 

The story of Lale is a two and a half years long imprisonment story of someone who witnessed horrific barbarism but also incredible acts of bravery and compassion. The type of compassion that surprised me, I am not used to so much selflesness from humans.  Lale was actually a real hero, he risked his own life using his privileged position as the tattooist to exchange jewels and money other prisoners stole for him for food and medication, which kept prisoners alive. 

I had a pretty good insight in the horrors described in the book since I've actually been to Auschwitz and there are just things you can't unsee and things you can't forget. The entire atmosphere of the place is gloomy, heavy, dark, it hits you full force from the moment you walk under that creepy sign ''Arbeit macht frei''.  And though it was a hot summer day on the day we visited it, the sun did little to uplift the heavy feeling. It was the first time in my life that I was dead silent, or better shocked into silence for good two hours after leaving the place. I don't know if anything shocked me as much as all those shoes, hair, and that god awful gas chamber which had scratches like nail marks on the walls. And call me crazy but I swear you can feel and smell the horror in there. I remember this tree in a museum in Berlin, where you could write something and hang on it. It's a holocaust memorial museum, I remember writing something along the lines of ''May it never happen again'' and hanging it on the tree. Thinking back through these memories makes it even harder for me to understand the Neo Nazi movment today. How could anyone support something like this? Only a real psychopath. 

I suppose the story as dark as the place is. As dark as the era is. As horrible as the thematic is. As disgusting as this part of history is…and as tough as the novel is to read. It's above all a story of hope and a love story. As it says on the picture above ''I tattooed a number on her arm. She tattooed her name on my heart''. Love story of love on first sight. Lale claims to have fallen in love in that first encounter when he tattooed a number on the girls arm. Without knowing who she is, her name, where she came from, any backstory. Only her number. Later on we learn the girls name is Gita, and the novel follows how they fell in love and how they managed to survive. Probably love kept them alive. Maybe the promise of a life after. A happy one. 

There's a thing Lale said that made me really feel stupid ''If you wake up in the morning, it is a good day''.  It puts things into perspective. He managed to remain positive (for the most time) in a death camp and here I am complaining over lockdowns, uneployment and empty bank accounts. Which yes are awful as is but things could be so much worse. We rarely appreciate what we have and me included. I should count my lucky stars daily for the few good things in my life and focus less on the ugly. 

What I loved was that they had no plan, no idea where the other was and yet they met after being released from Auschwitz. Lale waiting on a train station in Bratislava where survivors were sent to for weeks till she came. (Of course marriage, and a happily ever after follows.) How romantic is that? Does that still exist today? That moment, the airport moment, being chased down an airport and begged not to go? Or just have love professed in front of everyone. Still waiting for that. Well…even if it would it couldn't happen now. Or actually come to think of it ever. I am terrified of flying, I'd probably swim to the US if I could. I guess there's a simmilar romantic statement in my life. My boyfriend told my friend the other day that if we argue and I'm angry at him and refuse to talk to him all he does is tightens the lids harder so he knows I'll have to come ask him for help. It's both ridiculous and completely cute. And it made me fall in love a bit more. 

And here I am completely off topic again. Trust me to be able to come from world war to love in a heartbeat. Then again. Love is war.  To sum it up. The book may be flawed, things may not be as accurate as you'd want them, but it's also heart breaking and beautiful and I really enjoyed this venture into different literature. Got about 15 more books on my ''to be read list''. Some classical literature and some fantasy and romance. I'm never sure, are y'all into these or should I stick to music reviews? Well either way, I imagine it's going to be ''business as usual'' in the next post because it's going to be…yes you guessed it. New Bosses album. I'm so excited omg. 

Alright another week of lockdown, I never imagined I'll be saying those words in the first place tbh. Hope you spend it doing something you love, with someone you love. Or like me with a bottle of Jack. Cheers guys. 

I didn't need another version of 2020 to hate but here we are.

It's record release day today! That's right people, Bruce Springsteens ''Letter to you'' comes out today. Well came out today. It's evening here. And though I don't have it yet, (living in a country where tap water and color tv are a bloody miracle) I am beyond excited. Only heard one song and I am completely and totally in love. I know the rest of the record is going to be amazing, though I refuse to listen to it before I hold it in my hands. Internet and streaming completely destroys the pleasure of listening to the record for the first time when you actually get it. I envy everyone in the 80's that had that full effect. Vinyl on, playing an album from start to finish. Fucking amazing. I only listened to the title track ''Letter to you'' and those lyrics you guys, that voice, the emotions which the song is sang in. Holy hell. If the rest of the album is anything like it (and I'm sure it is) it's going to be a fucking masterpiece. Not that he can do a bad album to be honest. Well. I wasn't a big fan of the ''Devils & Dust'' but that's a topic for another day. Make sure you come back for an album review. Soon. To be honest, I already know this, for me, is the only thing that's going to save 2020.

And for now I'll do something I've never done before. I'll write a review on an album I don't actually own. Why? Because I don't plan on buying it, yet I've been asked to share my opinion by a couple of my friends and also readers that are still not fed up with me. Cheers guys, I love you. So here's a few more lines other than just ''I hate it''. Spoiler alert? It's not going to be a nice opinion. It gives me no pleasure to write these lines believe me. It's a band I love, band I always loved, but hell lately? I can't stomach them. Yes we're here again, yes this is about Bon Jovi. Again. And yes I am sobbing over the vinyl I own (Slippery when wet, New Jersey, fucking selftitled album,…), thinking how the fuck did a band that was this good fall this low?

Are y'all following these recent rumors? Richie Sambora actually left because his kid needed him and Jon was a bitch who didn't understand that? Rumors are rumors yes but if there's even a tiny bit of truth in that? That really, really clouds my opinion on the man. And the plagiarism rumors? That would be…a really low hit for a big star. Omg don't even get me started on that recent ''I wish Richie Sambora had his life together'' and that ''inability to put his life together is the reason for ''This house is not for sale'' ''bullshit. Jon you egocentric son of a bitch. Is this some sort of a joke? Does the universe revolve only around you? Like are you trying to be funny? Are you fucking trying to undermine all he accomplished WITHOUT you? Are you trying to make him look like a low class ''has been'' while you're the one who really is turning into a ''has been''? Richie finally looks happy and healthy and more importantly sober. His music still sounds like music, which honestly can't be said for Bon Jovi no more. (Sorry Phil).

It seems to me that people forget that musicians after all are still musicians. And touring 18 plus months must be a nightmare. You know how much ''normal'' life you miss out on? We have this illusion it's all booze, drugs, women and parties, when in reality it's drugs to cope with a pretty lonely existance. It's beyond bizarre to me how come a musician doesn't understand a fellow musician then? Aren't they going through the same struggles? Or hey are your wife and kids that bad that you enjoy being away from them for so long? What? Someone had to ask. Here's the deal Richie knew when it's time to stand back, to take a break, to rethink about his life and career, which is something Bon Jovi should have done years back.

I guess this is on me…I was putting too much faith into this new album, I don't know why, I should know better. ''This house is not for sale'' was already a shitty album. And 2020 being a shitty year, why should an album wearing 2020 as a title be any better? I'm going to borrow a line I read online ''this aint your momma's Bon Jovi'' and it really isn't. Sigh. Long gone are the days of ''New Jersey''. Only thing I can really say is thank fuck that my preorder didn't go through when I wanted the album because that would of been money thrown out the fucking window.

It's not even that much about the voice. Even if all I can say is ''what the fuck is going on Jon?''. Y'all seen the youtube clips right? From the live shows (which I barely remember at this point) It sounds like him, but it doesn't sound like him, I swear I sound better in the shower while waxing my bikini areas. No joke. It's a nightmare. It's hard to listen to. More than my ears it hurts my heart. Seriously. I worry about him, about his voice permanently damaged, about not being able to sing at all at some point. The fuck? Why is everyone sticking their heads in the sand? Why won't someone tell him ''that's it get help''?  have y'all noticed how it all went downhill since Richie left? I'm sorry but like this is not the same band ever since HE walked out. It is what it is. Sometimes it feels like he just stopped trying after Sambora walked out. Stopped trying lyrically wise too. I'm sorry but ''This house is not for sale''? I have a hard time believing that after everything that followed concerning the band. Or am I wrong and the ''house'' aint the band and this was a clever way to tell us he's got a career in realestate? Well fucking get to it then, everything's better than recent music.

As a starter…what the fuck were you thinking calling the album 2020? Seriously. I don't get it. It makes absolutely zero sense. Album was set to be released in May and it was done by then obviously, only Corona held it back untill what 2 or so weeks ago. So during quarantine he wrote two songs that replaced two original songs on the album and thank fuck you guys because these two songs are the only good songs on the record. One about George Floyd, the protests, the black lives movment, a ballad. The other one a ''Corona anthem'' with this country vibe and sound? Perfect. I love everything about it. Music and lyrics, even the voice (when polished on the album) is not so bad. See these two songs, that weren't supposed to be on the album are the only thing that reflect the year 2020 and make the album title have a little sense. The rest? What the fuck?

I listened through the songs on youtube. More like listened to under 30 seconds and pressed skip because it's just hard man. Hard to listen to. Freaking torture. ''American Reckoning'' which is the song about George Floyd and the racist violence in America is a great song. It's actually got this ''Springsteenish vibe'' , kinda reminds me of something you'd hear on Nebraska. It's not too surprising because we all know Jon looks up to him (who doesn't?). The thing is I really like the song, I do, no joke, but it's still, I don't know. It kinda doesn't sound like him, it doesn't sound ''honest''? Maybe that's closest to the emotion I feel. You know when Bon Jovi would write ''Always'' and ''Bed of roses'' and god damn ''I'll be there for you'', we all know they're about his wife, and these are honest, these are beautiful, they're packed with so much emotion, hell you fell in love with his wife too just listening to them and now? While ''American Reckoning'' is beautiful and I'm not going to deny that there are emotions in this song you can hear them, it feels sorta forced to me. Feels like trying to make a statement. Feels like wanting to be a stadium band when you're barely fit to fill up a bar. Am I making sense?  Something is not right. The song with the potential to pull at your heart strings, passes through as background noise.

The thing is that lyrically most of 2020 is great. I read through the lyrics not listen to them because that's just impossible. The lyrics are political, they paint a picture of so many things going on in the past couple of years, not just 2020 (except Limitless, jesus christ how many fucking times can you repeat limitless in one song, feels like a broken record to me at some point), but the problem is you can't listen to it. You just can't. I could just about understand that they went for this ''whiny'' type of music so the lyrics are more prominent ….but like…? No thank you. I can't. All I keep thinking about is the vibe and the feeling this album gives me. You know when Tommy and Gina were young ''living on a prayer'', living on love and life and promise. Everything was okay then and now? This album is the worst ending to that illusion. Tommy and Gina grew up. Their dreams died a painful death and all there's left is pain and sadness and tragedy that this album illustrates. And I'll be damned if I stay around for it. Sometimes holding on to some dreams, some fake illusions is much better. Happier.

Jon when talking about retirement said something along the lines ''no one loved the fat Elvis'', I'd punch his smug face for that. ''Fat'' Elvis could still sing. So this ''mockery''? Ridiculous. You're over there howling like a wounded moose making fun of Elvis? It's time. Time to retire. I'm not stuck in the 80's I'm all about experimenting and growth. I LOVED Springsteens ''Western stars'' that was completely different. But this is not growth, this is not experiment, and it's not trying out different things…this is just…a hot mess. Sometimes you don't go about fixing what doesn't need to be fixed. A good rock album was all that was needed, nobody asked for a wanna be pop rock fake ''uplifting'' bullshit, and in the end it's not uplifting at all but depressing and to be honest, I don't think anyone can handle any more depression in this already fucked up year.

And lastly…y'all are aware that aside from Bon Jovi there's also Jon's solo projects? So giving a Bon Jovi album the cover that he did with 2020…his fucking face like he's Blake Shelton or some shit like that and the band just happens to be there, bystanders, completely forgotten, same with the music video ''Do what you can'', where the hell is the band?…doesn't that speak, no actually doesn't that shout volumes of where his head is at?

Here's the deal Jon was worried about the tone of the album, receiving critisism because it's too political. Listen to me, political is good, the lyrics are good, it's everything else that's shit. I wonder how the rest of the band feels about this music. Not that I will find out, they feel like hired help at this point anyways.

That's that, it's like I said, I don't like it, I can't stomach it, I wont buy it, I won't listen to it. Now excuse me while I play a couple of videos from concerts, especially the one in Milano and cry. First of because I pretty much forgot what a concert is (fukn se na tilnik korona) and second because that thing in Milano, that, THAT was an out of body experience, just thinking about it makes me shiver all over. It's like ''sex is great you guys but have you seen Bon Jovi in Milano?''. It was the best Bon Jovi concert and honestly? I feel blessed that I saw it. I feel blessed that despite never going to a show again (I refuse to) at least this perfect memory remains. A memory in which, life was perfect and so were Bon Jovi.  

P.S. Chances are slim to none, but Jon, should you ever read this, I apologize for the rude words, name calling, swearing but not album opinion and please for the love of everything holy get your shit together because I don't really like a world in which I hate one of my favorite bands.

Jaz nimam noč za spanje ponoči se znorim, ne maram le sanjati jaz sanje rad živim.

I guess I never said, but those of you who know me better than just from these posts know that I despise Facebook. Like honest to god hate it. It's became a pool of negativity, people moaning and bitching and complaining on it all day. So much hate, so much anger,..ridiculous. I recently found out another reason to ''fuel the flames of my fury''. I mean, I suppose it's not a recent thing. It's recent to me because I barely use my profile these days. The thing is there's a ''memory'' option now that allows you to scroll through posts on the day through the years. Now I've been a member of Facebook for a damn long time, and a pretty active member in the early days, so you can imagine that there's a shit ton of highly cringe worthy posts. But what really set me off was the fact that it was my birthday last week which I spent pretty much channeling my inner Bridget Jones. Cake and wine on the sofa, bitching about how last year I was celebrating at a Cher concert. Fuck you Corona. Anyways, scrolling through posts on my birthday, those ''memories'' posts? God good that was a stab to the heart. Messages from people that are no longer in my life, people that are long gone. Friendships that didn't work out…it sucks. So thank you Facebook for this ''brilliant'' idea. Can't wait for more memories I most definatelly DON'T want to see.

So instead of more complaints…I decided that sometimes you gotta write about things you know best. Well, actually, I had quite some issues writing about my own country the other day. I suppose knowing it well and looking at it differently makes it hard to really decide what to write about to make it interesting to other people. There's 50 plus pages I could write on my favourite towns in this country alone, so narrowing it down? Or even deciding which photo to post…yeah that's hard.

But this post shouldn't be. It's about my favorite Slovenian band. And though we have / had quite a number of amazing bands (especially in former Yugoslavia where there was pretty much nothing but rock bands) this one will always remain my favorite band. Plenty of reasons for that but I suppose the strongest one being that they are just badass.

''Šank rock''. The word ''Šank'' translates to ''bar''. Poetic isn't it? What do you need when you're leaning against a bar drinking a nice cold beer? Rock of course. Brilliant name to be honest. Easy, funny, cool. I wrote a bit about them before when rambling about their shows and ''my favorite boys'' but honestly I'm too lazy to check back what I wrote so if some facts repeat I apologise. Else, learn it, live it, love it right?

Now the band formed in 1982 and just looking at them would give you an idea right away why I'm obsessed. You know, leather, Harley shirts, long hair. Though this was in the 90's but… ( click me )

...you get the idea right? Hah. some things just never change. Rock ballads and singers with pretty long hair and I'm dead. While we're at it, I said it before and I'll say it again 2020 sucks so if you need me I'ma head back to the 80's if that's okay with all y'all. All the music! All the musicians! The high waisted jeans and short leather jackets with big hair. Ah! Paradise right there. Young Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach, Jani Lane, Richie freakin Sambora? I'd be a band whore we all know it. Lol. God knows why he put me on this earth 10 years later.

Ok so the band formed in 1982 as I said in a town few km away from me. A town I actually despise and always say that they are the only highlight in it, which believe me is true. First album with the original lineup titled ''Pridite na žur'' (the cover makes me crack up everytime I see it. The hair, the clothes, lol) was released in 1987 soon after they got a manager who was a musician himself. Don't you think that that is how it should be? Only actual musicans or say ex musicians should be managers? Because like there's so much exploitation and abuse of musicians by their managers it's ridiculous. So people who understand them should be the ones to manage them. People that care about music above money. Yeah I'm a dreamer I get it but it sure as hell would be nice.

Anyways with the manager the band really took of, they had a huge media breakthrough and were suddenly famous all over Slovenia while playing mostly down at the sea side. No surprise there, if I was a musician so would I. The nicest places in this country as I said are down by the sea. Is this a good time to say I miss it terribly? Not the band, sea side. Well the band obviously too, no concerts a year is worse than a death sentence for me believe me, but atm I meant sea side. The salty air, sunny skies, nicer people…sigh.

I keep getting sorta carried away, hard to stay on topic. After 1988 when first lineup changes happened and two members left, the band did two more albums ''Dobro in zlo'' which translates to ''good and evil''. I suppose I best shut up right now else I'd have a ''couple'' of things to say on that topic.  In 1990 the third album came out ''Jaz nimam noč za spanje'' / ''my nights are not for sleeping'' I guess, close enough, hard phrase to translate. It's my favourite album in my own language by far. BY FAR. All of the songs are great, all of the music is great, the picture on the back is bitchin. I love everything about it.

In 1991 they decided to replace their guitarist and brought cough my baby cough Bor Zuljan to the band. OH MY GOD you guys he is amazing. I keep saying he could chew an apple with one hand and play with the other.  Or in a naughtier version he could play with one hand and choke you with the other hah. Seriously the man is amazing, he has a god given gift. All other band member changes aside, they actually made an album in the USA back in 1995 called ''Shut up and play'' and there were some disagreements about whether they will stay in USA to continiue their career or go back home. Thank fuck they came back just saying because our music scene sucks enough on it's own without losing literally the best band we have.

It's kinda driving me mad you know. This illusion and drive and obsession with USA. Okay if you're a musician in my country and get the chance take it but say, Finish rockers? What's the point in recording in America that's already over flowing with music? Finland it literally the best country for rock and metal scene and you wanna go to US and create generic mainstreem music? Kill all your originality? Now that I just don't understand. I guess I should go see LA for myself and see what's so fascinating about it. Though I doubt I'd like it. I'm just a small town girl, pretty sure I'd be far more fascinated by the small towns down south. But never mind that back to the band.

Band broke up twice, once in 1998 and once in 2011, then in 2014 they played an ''exclusive show'' on the local festival (yearly event and I am still moping because we didn't have it this july. Fuck you corona), it was supposed to be a one time thing but thank god they decided to continiue their work together because it resulted in an album called ''Restart'' Brilliant aint it? And also my second favourite album titled ''Nekaj več'' (something more) in 2017. That album had the best tour. I saw ''a couple'' concerts and each one was too perfect for words. Wait a second, I just counted past members, literally ten of them. Lol. That's kinda crazy.

This album was recorded in ''Studio Tivoli'' in Ljubljana, which was founded in 1973, it moved some time ago into a smaller location but today it's a studio with 40 plus years of experience and it produced some many albums we love. I think it actually may be the oldest studio on this side of Europe. Thing I read that somewhere. Gosh imagine being the owner of that. The studio written down on the biggest names in music business. Or just records everyone loves. Hell. Must be amazing.

Some of the songs on this album are literally songs you can't listen to online. As incredible as it sounds but they're not on youtube. How crazy is that? Like is there anything that is not on youtube? Clearly these songs.

You can however find the three of my faves ''Le 17'', ''Jaz nimam noč za spanje'' and ''Vse je odšlo''. Le 17 of ''Just 17'' is perfect. Funny lyrics, great guitars, amazing voice and you just have to love it live. Obviously everything is better live but this one really is because the band sounds better live and they're rather ''playful'', teasing eachother, they're funny, adorable and not to mention talented af of course.

''Jaz nimam noč za spanje'' the title track of this album is just beyond badass. It's my jam you guys, the song I love most in this language. Well okay there are some I like more but this one is a solid top five fave. I love the lyrics about the lifestyle that would kill me, same days at work everyday, running home after it to catch the evening news, ''slave of life'' during the day and letting lose during the night. Washing the day off with a bottle of beer, turning the music up and turning the bullshit (politics and news in general these days) down.  Yeah okay we weren't doing much letting lose these days and we'll be doing even less of that in the following weeks if we're to believe the dark ominus things our government is saying these days. The news literally sounds like that final transmission in MCR's music videos (dramatic eyeroll). But point was, this is the song I love to scream along to most on their live shows and thank fuck they play it each time. So when it comes on, you know where I'll be. Front row, screaming along, hair flipping about hah.

I'm so used to seeing them at least once a year. Or twice…or like 10 times. Move along okay, true love is true love. it's been hell this 2020 I tell you. I keep saying and I'll say it again, I don't know how people live, without concerts, without culture, without events, because I swear on all the gods I'm about to jump out of my skin. Everything and everyone annoys me at this point. Like, I gave up on that dream of seeing My Chemical Romance next year in July or Guns N' Roses again, but I actually bought tickets to see Steel Panther. Small show in a club, which maybe, possibly could go through and I swear if anyone or anything fucks that up for me this entire city will burn. Assuming the show goes through though, still means that my first concert since last October will be in June next year…and I will die before that comes along. So y'all, pray for me. Thank you.