Is this life for livin'? Oh, ease my mind, ease my mind...

Can you guys believe I attended two local concerts lately, and haven't yet bitched about them? It's coming don't worry. You know I have plenty to complain about. But other things first because they've been invading my thoughts like the plague. Relationship wise. Male need to protect at all cost. Is this a...biological instinct that remains from primitive times? Is this a hero instinct? Maybe protecting reputation? Proving their worth? Is it also just plain and simple fear or losing those you love? I've been thinking, many times...women don't want protectors (sure in some cases but not all the time), white horses and knights in shining armours. Women just want men they can rely on, men that love them, are there for them, men that listen, men that care. We're all a bit of a romantic, we all want those big romantic gestures, we all let our men ''save'' us from time to time, to make them feel like the hero but...what if this need to protect ends up pulling you apart?

Are you familiar with the work of Sergio Cupido, Romeo and Juliet? Two lovers pulled apart? Kinda like that. Beautiful artwork so amazingly captured by Sergio, the raw emotion, it's longing, pain, suffering. So what if the need to protect is just that? When your heart tells you one thing, and your mind another? In a way forbidden, impossible love just like Romeo and Juliet, is it not? 

It made me think, what do I even crave? Long for? A love so deep it would make the ocean envious. Breathless passionate kisses, with whispered promises. The feeling of...you know when suddenly all the love songs make sense, because you don't listen to them the same as you did, because suddenly, all of them are about a certain person. The kind of feelings writers write novels about...I crave a day when I can go back to drinking coffee, and stop putting milk in it just to match his eyes. Sometimes I crave simpler things, slow morning kisses that turn into more, hands roaming and worshipping every inch of your body. And sometimes I crave things that are completely impossible, for life to go back to normal, for most, not all but most, of the events in the past 5 years to never happen. To be able to swap my heart and brain for another liver, so I can drink more and think / feel less. I crave for the world to be a nicer kinder more accepting place, but that seems like the biggest fantasy of all. Maybe if we draw the line under all my sensless ramblings, we'll realise all I really crave and long for is happiness, but then again who doesn't? 

I don't know I guess I could also write what I don't crave? I won't. If I did, this would turn into a long ass post full of whining and complaining, and I know it's the last thing you guys want, just as much as it ties to this post, I don't think I crave live music as much no more. Concerts used to be everything I loved and craved but now...I think people kinda ruined that for me, like they do all good things in life. Concerts feel more like a chore, like something you have to do as opposed to something you want to do. When we put aside that all my favourites are avoiding Europe as is (I'm looking at you MCR and ATL), and the one biggest event of the year that I was looking forward to for a year was cancelled...all I got are local gigs and I think I wrote about those too many times. They are torture. 

I'll keep the complaints short. The first concert last month I was basically dragged to. All of the above aside, I don't really listen to the artist. In the past I used to love going to shows, giving a new (new for me that is) artist a fair chance, and then decide if I hate it or love it...lately not so much. I guess I'm easy or cheap, and you can buy me with cupons for free craft beer. However I was pleasantly surprised, this singer was...very much our local version of Bruce Springsteen. You know what I mean?  Fantastic musicians in his band, amazing raspy voice, and songs with lyrics you could each use as a whole movie script. People forget it's not just the music, lyrics should be equally important and I'm sorry but that whole, fuck me, lick me, suck me, type songs just do nothing to me. I want deep, profound, I want love, devotion, obsession. Music is supposed to move your soul not just your body.

Now the bad part of it all, the people. I HATE HATE HATE the people in general, but mostly people at local shows. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint, I love to let my hair down, drink a cold beer, or two, or three, but what I don't do is stand in the front row, back to the stage the entire time, taking fucking selfies, hang on socials, videochat, talk so loud that you bother people around you because they can hear you OVER the music. Disrespectful to the artist. I want to slap every asshole behaving like this. And it's like a cultural thing, people come out to drink, to get drunk, to bother girls there alone and what's worse they bring their brats! I can not stand it. Please tell me since when are 9 pm shows considered playground for children ages 2 and up. Please pray tell what the fuck is wrong with parents having their offspring on their shoulders, UNDER the overhead speakers not only blocking the view for the rest of us which essentially makes you an asshole but also, no ear covers? Are you an idiot? This is rhetorical. I know you are. This is beyond irritating and it's making local shows hell. It's making them a chore. Lets not even get into support. Do you people know why support bands exist? To warm up the crowd, to get them excited, to maybe give a new unknown artist opening for a bigger star a chance to introduce them to a bigger audience. And what do people do? Not show up, ignore, TALK. I can not stand it. Each and every artist up there is giving his / her all for ungrateful people that might as well sit at home, drink and have youtube playing in the back. It's essentially the same only it's not ruining the experience for the rest of us. Actual music lovers. I know what this is though, most of the tickets were given free and the people that grabbed them? Selfish horrible people, took the chance for someone who would deserve it more and actually enjoy it. Lately it feels more like it's about being seen than actually doing anything purely because you want to. I miss the 80s also btw, when the sky was full of lighters not cellphones. 

Moving on. Second concert. A festival. I love the obvious lack of children on it and I love how the whole city center is closed down and turns into festival grounds, shops, bars, several stages, amazing. It's an annual thing, and I used to pretty much attend it each year, it was tradition with my dad, I guess lately...traditions mean little. I know I should do more to keep them going, but sometimes the very basic ''keep going'' feels impossible. It's a festival arranged by the local brewing company, and it was always free, that changed since Heineken bought it. Ironic isn't it? Huge company, tons of money, and they start charging the festival that a local small almost broke brewery always kept going for free. You can imagine that that choice lowered the amount of people going. But tell you what? Thank God. Thank God they got tickets and thank God there's less people, because people are unbearable and I can't tell you the amount of times I was pushed, hit, spilled on, hit on, or groped by drunk assholes before, who essentially only went to you guessed it, get drunk. Now when the entrance fee is what people call expensive (it really isn't 30 eur per day and you get the best artists in the region, out of who one will cost you more than 30 eur per concert) they're gone, and the rest of us can enjoy the music. Thank God, Satan and Judas for that. It was getting really boring to move out of the way, to keep an eye out for the crowd more than the stage, to get beer stains out of my clothes the next day...I swear I have a pair of cowboy boots that once took the hit that STILL reek of beer. But okay, the kid that spilled that on me at least had the decency to feel bad, tried to dry out my shoes with his hoody and bought me a drink. I'd be rude saying they're all assholes. Just. Most of them. 

All the memories of the festival are pretty blurry and a mess I can't tell you who I watched when, not because I'd drink, sad reality is last year I had to be the only 100% sober person there (driver) which made dealing with humanity harder. But I can tell you they had Airborne once and it was freaking amazing. This year? Baby Lasagna my beloved. Before you come after me with Eurovision preformers, let me point out Baby is Croatian and I knew of him before he even set foot on that Eurovision stage. And before we get political, I don't care why each preformer stood on stage instead of boycott, we all know that entire EU boycotting it will never happen, I did because it was important to me, but I'd never expect the artists to do the same, the real question here isn't why they were there, the real question is why one specific country was. But that's besides the point. Marko only did a few songs, I assume he was awfully tired, he came straight from Exit festival...and I missed the begining of the set because our public transportation is absolutely fucked. Hey here's a thought, dearest wanna be green politicians, why don't people use trains? I don't know...could it perhaps be the fact that THERE ARE NO TRAINS?! I was livid, I was angry, I was seething, and I was even angrier over the fact that people mope and complain, yet when they should complain to employees they are fucking silent, I end up being the only barking bitch in the fence, and I end up the rude one. Are you kidding me?! But I did get to hear my beloved ''Rim tim tagi dim'' and the brand new song with a video that just makes my soul happy, so that was worth the sauna that was last week. Seriously again, is this Europe or is this 10th circle of Dantes Inferno? You can catch videos on my IG (purpleskyline) just some quick pics, straight off the phone, unedited, I am lazy sorry. 

Second preformers. Local band. Straight from my hometown. Kinda. Singer lives here, director of one of my favourite museums. How amazing is that? Singer in a rock band by night and a museum director by day. They should make a comic book with such a hero. I aint even joking. I'll keep yapping about them short. There's nothing new for me to tell you about them, except that I absolutely love them, and the amount of times I saw them live? Well...I stopped counting at 40...and that was several years ago. If that tells you anything about love. Maybe that's the one thing that sorta brings the spark for live music back? Screaming along to your favourite songs? I guess that part never gets old. And you can tell this band is the audiences favourite. The feedback they get really is something else. Loud. We all know every single word, and I enjoyed every single second of the show, even when the guitarist renamed Baby Lasagna into Baby Tortellini (seriously Jernej what was that? Lol). Let me just point out that after all the years I still wish I lived in a ''street of Mashall Tito''. 

And the last preformer, the headliner if you will. Another new and first for me, huge musical legend in the Balkans and probably all across Europe too. I must admit I don't follow him too closely. I just always knew of him and he always had my respect as an amazing musician and lyric writer. I was...sketchy if I should stay till 2 in the morning and listen to his set, but since I missed some at the start, and had a new cold drink, and paid for what people say pricey ticket, I was like what the hell lets give him a chance. And you know what? I'm glad I did, this my friends was something else. The music? Everything composed so perfectly, the complexity of different instruments blended together in an amazing melody? Wow. The voice? Yes! And in the end, the songs? Deep, poetic, caress your soul type of songs, just what I was rambling about up there. The whole package, everything fits, everything makes sense, everything is beautiful. Everything is...it makes you forget about where you are for a second and nothing exists but that moment, the music, and you. The world and mostly your problems, they melt away. Maybe that's what I loved most about music, the sheer power of making you feel, forget, fall in love all over again. The memories. The emotion. Everything really. I always had this strong belief that music can break and destroy barriers, unite people, bring more love and light into the world. I have this theory you know, it's a little silly but let me have it okay? Why does metal music use so many skulls in their insignia, logos, stage, clothes etc? Because a skull is a skull. You can't tell by the skull if the person is white, black, Asian, Christian, Muslim, rich, poor, gay, woman, man...a skull will always be a skull, and these things don't matter, we're all human, we're all people at the end of the day, metal music don't care, they accept and love everyone. That's what music is to me, a safe space, accepting, loving, happy. What it should be anyways, how much of that is still true is another story. Anyway back to the show. I loved it. So much. Every moment. And I loved it when the singer leaped off the stage, joined the crowd and everyone was polite, moved, make way, nobody was pushing, touching him, nobody caused any problems, tbh security pushing ahead through the crowd was the rudest and completely unneeded. Because there was nothing but good vibes. Was a good moment tbh and another first. I seen a shit ton of concerts but never once was a musician in the crowd instead of on the stage. I'd say they should do this more often but lets be serious, people are animals. 

That's all the complaints I can muster up today. Stay hydrated in this heat kids and stay safe. Cheers, live it up, it's the weekend. 

Jaz nimam noč za spanje ponoči se znorim, ne maram le sanjati jaz sanje rad živim.

I guess I never said, but those of you who know me better than just from these posts know that I despise Facebook. Like honest to god hate it. It's became a pool of negativity, people moaning and bitching and complaining on it all day. So much hate, so much anger,..ridiculous. I recently found out another reason to ''fuel the flames of my fury''. I mean, I suppose it's not a recent thing. It's recent to me because I barely use my profile these days. The thing is there's a ''memory'' option now that allows you to scroll through posts on the day through the years. Now I've been a member of Facebook for a damn long time, and a pretty active member in the early days, so you can imagine that there's a shit ton of highly cringe worthy posts. But what really set me off was the fact that it was my birthday last week which I spent pretty much channeling my inner Bridget Jones. Cake and wine on the sofa, bitching about how last year I was celebrating at a Cher concert. Fuck you Corona. Anyways, scrolling through posts on my birthday, those ''memories'' posts? God good that was a stab to the heart. Messages from people that are no longer in my life, people that are long gone. Friendships that didn't work out…it sucks. So thank you Facebook for this ''brilliant'' idea. Can't wait for more memories I most definatelly DON'T want to see.

So instead of more complaints…I decided that sometimes you gotta write about things you know best. Well, actually, I had quite some issues writing about my own country the other day. I suppose knowing it well and looking at it differently makes it hard to really decide what to write about to make it interesting to other people. There's 50 plus pages I could write on my favourite towns in this country alone, so narrowing it down? Or even deciding which photo to post…yeah that's hard.

But this post shouldn't be. It's about my favorite Slovenian band. And though we have / had quite a number of amazing bands (especially in former Yugoslavia where there was pretty much nothing but rock bands) this one will always remain my favorite band. Plenty of reasons for that but I suppose the strongest one being that they are just badass.

''Šank rock''. The word ''Šank'' translates to ''bar''. Poetic isn't it? What do you need when you're leaning against a bar drinking a nice cold beer? Rock of course. Brilliant name to be honest. Easy, funny, cool. I wrote a bit about them before when rambling about their shows and ''my favorite boys'' but honestly I'm too lazy to check back what I wrote so if some facts repeat I apologise. Else, learn it, live it, love it right?

Now the band formed in 1982 and just looking at them would give you an idea right away why I'm obsessed. You know, leather, Harley shirts, long hair. Though this was in the 90's but… ( click me )

...you get the idea right? Hah. some things just never change. Rock ballads and singers with pretty long hair and I'm dead. While we're at it, I said it before and I'll say it again 2020 sucks so if you need me I'ma head back to the 80's if that's okay with all y'all. All the music! All the musicians! The high waisted jeans and short leather jackets with big hair. Ah! Paradise right there. Young Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach, Jani Lane, Richie freakin Sambora? I'd be a band whore we all know it. Lol. God knows why he put me on this earth 10 years later.

Ok so the band formed in 1982 as I said in a town few km away from me. A town I actually despise and always say that they are the only highlight in it, which believe me is true. First album with the original lineup titled ''Pridite na žur'' (the cover makes me crack up everytime I see it. The hair, the clothes, lol) was released in 1987 soon after they got a manager who was a musician himself. Don't you think that that is how it should be? Only actual musicans or say ex musicians should be managers? Because like there's so much exploitation and abuse of musicians by their managers it's ridiculous. So people who understand them should be the ones to manage them. People that care about music above money. Yeah I'm a dreamer I get it but it sure as hell would be nice.

Anyways with the manager the band really took of, they had a huge media breakthrough and were suddenly famous all over Slovenia while playing mostly down at the sea side. No surprise there, if I was a musician so would I. The nicest places in this country as I said are down by the sea. Is this a good time to say I miss it terribly? Not the band, sea side. Well the band obviously too, no concerts a year is worse than a death sentence for me believe me, but atm I meant sea side. The salty air, sunny skies, nicer people…sigh.

I keep getting sorta carried away, hard to stay on topic. After 1988 when first lineup changes happened and two members left, the band did two more albums ''Dobro in zlo'' which translates to ''good and evil''. I suppose I best shut up right now else I'd have a ''couple'' of things to say on that topic.  In 1990 the third album came out ''Jaz nimam noč za spanje'' / ''my nights are not for sleeping'' I guess, close enough, hard phrase to translate. It's my favourite album in my own language by far. BY FAR. All of the songs are great, all of the music is great, the picture on the back is bitchin. I love everything about it.

In 1991 they decided to replace their guitarist and brought cough my baby cough Bor Zuljan to the band. OH MY GOD you guys he is amazing. I keep saying he could chew an apple with one hand and play with the other.  Or in a naughtier version he could play with one hand and choke you with the other hah. Seriously the man is amazing, he has a god given gift. All other band member changes aside, they actually made an album in the USA back in 1995 called ''Shut up and play'' and there were some disagreements about whether they will stay in USA to continiue their career or go back home. Thank fuck they came back just saying because our music scene sucks enough on it's own without losing literally the best band we have.

It's kinda driving me mad you know. This illusion and drive and obsession with USA. Okay if you're a musician in my country and get the chance take it but say, Finish rockers? What's the point in recording in America that's already over flowing with music? Finland it literally the best country for rock and metal scene and you wanna go to US and create generic mainstreem music? Kill all your originality? Now that I just don't understand. I guess I should go see LA for myself and see what's so fascinating about it. Though I doubt I'd like it. I'm just a small town girl, pretty sure I'd be far more fascinated by the small towns down south. But never mind that back to the band.

Band broke up twice, once in 1998 and once in 2011, then in 2014 they played an ''exclusive show'' on the local festival (yearly event and I am still moping because we didn't have it this july. Fuck you corona), it was supposed to be a one time thing but thank god they decided to continiue their work together because it resulted in an album called ''Restart'' Brilliant aint it? And also my second favourite album titled ''Nekaj več'' (something more) in 2017. That album had the best tour. I saw ''a couple'' concerts and each one was too perfect for words. Wait a second, I just counted past members, literally ten of them. Lol. That's kinda crazy.

This album was recorded in ''Studio Tivoli'' in Ljubljana, which was founded in 1973, it moved some time ago into a smaller location but today it's a studio with 40 plus years of experience and it produced some many albums we love. I think it actually may be the oldest studio on this side of Europe. Thing I read that somewhere. Gosh imagine being the owner of that. The studio written down on the biggest names in music business. Or just records everyone loves. Hell. Must be amazing.

Some of the songs on this album are literally songs you can't listen to online. As incredible as it sounds but they're not on youtube. How crazy is that? Like is there anything that is not on youtube? Clearly these songs.

You can however find the three of my faves ''Le 17'', ''Jaz nimam noč za spanje'' and ''Vse je odšlo''. Le 17 of ''Just 17'' is perfect. Funny lyrics, great guitars, amazing voice and you just have to love it live. Obviously everything is better live but this one really is because the band sounds better live and they're rather ''playful'', teasing eachother, they're funny, adorable and not to mention talented af of course.

''Jaz nimam noč za spanje'' the title track of this album is just beyond badass. It's my jam you guys, the song I love most in this language. Well okay there are some I like more but this one is a solid top five fave. I love the lyrics about the lifestyle that would kill me, same days at work everyday, running home after it to catch the evening news, ''slave of life'' during the day and letting lose during the night. Washing the day off with a bottle of beer, turning the music up and turning the bullshit (politics and news in general these days) down.  Yeah okay we weren't doing much letting lose these days and we'll be doing even less of that in the following weeks if we're to believe the dark ominus things our government is saying these days. The news literally sounds like that final transmission in MCR's music videos (dramatic eyeroll). But point was, this is the song I love to scream along to most on their live shows and thank fuck they play it each time. So when it comes on, you know where I'll be. Front row, screaming along, hair flipping about hah.

I'm so used to seeing them at least once a year. Or twice…or like 10 times. Move along okay, true love is true love. it's been hell this 2020 I tell you. I keep saying and I'll say it again, I don't know how people live, without concerts, without culture, without events, because I swear on all the gods I'm about to jump out of my skin. Everything and everyone annoys me at this point. Like, I gave up on that dream of seeing My Chemical Romance next year in July or Guns N' Roses again, but I actually bought tickets to see Steel Panther. Small show in a club, which maybe, possibly could go through and I swear if anyone or anything fucks that up for me this entire city will burn. Assuming the show goes through though, still means that my first concert since last October will be in June next year…and I will die before that comes along. So y'all, pray for me. Thank you.

When he walks into the room, my heart goes bang bang boom.

This is going to be one of them ''last friday night'' posts. But nothing as crazy as what you're probably imagining in your heads just now, even if there was one too many shots of Jack Daniels. Or better yet I discovered a whole new love of my life ''Jack and ginger''. It's not that it's good, it's that it's amazing. Here's the deal, local concerts are pretty much as I'd imagine open free bar events. People get so drunk, it's disgusting. I'm no saint. I like alcohol too, I like the slightly buzzed feeling but I don't understand getting so drunk at events that the next morning you don't know where you were, who with, what did you watch or even your own damn name. Or worse, wake up to a coyote ugly situation.

But this post isn't going to turn into yet another story about hating people at local shows or just people in general, which is how every single post about local events starts. Like for fucks sakes at least show the musicians a little respect if you can't show it to yourself.

Alright moving on, the concert last night was a whole new experience for me. I had VIP tickets and that was something else. A different entrance then the rest of the ''mortals'', getting a ''bracelet'' that lets you walk basically everywhere in the venue from the VIP area to the first row at the stage. There's a ''red carpet'' photoshoot going on where they took pictures of you with a couple of really pretty girls. I'm not one to be into such things but I gotta say couple of cameras clicking in front of me while I stood there was pretty much amazing.

Did I mention that the drinks were free sponsored by Jack Daniels, the floors covered in soft plush carpet and the band members were walking by me all night? First time one of them that I really like walked by I was just like ''was that...?'' I hear an ''aha'' as a reply and I was done for, nearly on the ground at his feet. Musicians. Such a weakness for me. Nevermind insanely talented and blonde musicians. Damn it.

Free booze got me in trouble as per usual. I never learn it seems. No I wasn't wasted, nowhere near it, just tipsy and ballsy. Bad. Tangling with someone I like that I shouldn't. Nothing happened, but what happened was enough for me to make my head spin. Then again his smile alone makes my head spin. Either way, as much as I don't approve drinking, I just realized that I needed a night like this, Jack Daniels taking my worries away, my favorite loud music getting me in the right mood making me forget about all the bad shit in my life at the moment. I need a get away sometimes and my mind being the way it is never lets me shut down completly. Jack Daniels helps. I hate to admit it but it does. Which doesn't mean I'd start drinking on a daily basis mind you, once every couple of months at an event to relax and have a great time is just about enough for me.

The concert though, I love my boys, Šank rock, I really do. They don't get half as much credit they'd deserve. I keep saying that and I'll keep on saying it, they are all incredibly talented musicians but the guitar player alone. Jesus christ, the man could choke you while still play the guitar perfectly with one hand. I have this theory that in a guitar battle with Slash they'd be neck to neck. Yes. He is THAT good. Slash good. This was a celebration of their 35 years as a band. I still can't quite wrap my head around that, they as a band are older then I am. Hah. Or the fact that the first time I saw them I slept through their entire set. Fine, I was only a year old but still. I have a long lasting romance going on with this band. Hah. I think they're the only band next to Guns N' Roses that I actually liked as a child and all through the years up to now, when I actually like them even more.

This was in the bands hometown. Everything is different when you listen to the band in their own hometown, the crowd is different. Better somehow, they know all the words, they scream them at the top of their lungs. And I always loved that, it's my favorite moment of any concert, when the singer sings one line and then the crowd picks up the song and they sing as loud as they can. It makes all the hairs on my neck stand up, there were a couple of such moments at the show last friday night. Some of them including my favorite songs, the crowd being really loud and it was amazing. Simply amazing. Honestly nothing makes me feel as good and as alive as that does. It's better then alcohol, it's better then drugs.

There's a song they do, that I never heard live yet and the other night they played it. It was something else. The crowd was really loud on that song, the melody, the lyrics, the voice, all of it, it just fits, it's a moment that makes shivers run up and down my spine, a moment that makes me happy and warm all over. It's about getting lost in a song, in the feeling it gives you, the emotion it makes you feel. You know what they say right, if the music you listen to makes you feel nothing, you're listening to the wrong kind of music.

I was back to kinda freaking out, oh who am I kidding, I was totally losing it. My voice was slightly broken the next morning. But, honestly, what's the point of a concert if you don't sing - scream along to your favorite songs? The problem with this band is though, that ALL of their songs are my favorite. And the problem was that they played all of them too. Not that I'm complaining of course I loved every single second of it.

It's funny that I literally wrote about them few months ago and also about another one of our locals that I also love, Peter Lovšin, remember that? Last night he was with them, came on stage way pass one am, kinda after party wibe and guess what? He still blew the roof off the place even if half of the venue was basically done for at the point *alcohol is a bitch if you don't know how to control yourself* and the rest already left. I was basically the only person in the VIP howling along to each and every song. Well except that one song ''Bandiera Rossa or Avanti Popolo'' that one seems to wake everyone up. Nostalgia or something. I love the song though, because it's provocative and most people can't stand it. You know me, always into what other people hate.

Well I'm adding this gig to my long list of concerts and also to my long long LONG list of seeing these two alone. Whatcha gonna do? True love is true love. And I do love them, maybe actually even more then some of guys you see at the side of my blog *gasps*. Yeah. Shocking but...these are bands and music I grew up with, it's different.

Also, let me point out that all the bands that played before them, Mary Rose, Prelude, Radio Jam and Monsun are great and really talented musicians. Unfortunally I only got to see Mary Rose but I know the rest and they really are good.

What was my point in this post was besides glorifying my favorite boys? That sometimes getting completly lost in the music, or anything you love really, anything that makes you forget your problems, your life, something that really weighs you down, is good. Take a breather sometimes, you deserve it. Let lose, have fun. Scream your heart out at a concert, paint your heart out, dance your heart out, whatever it is that makes you happiest. My thing is music, it's my passion, it's my air that I breathe, it's my happiness and it's the freedom I miss everyday. It's my home and a getaway from home.

Alright then, time to cut off the golden VIP bracelet and get back to the real world. Do I hate it? More then I can tell but that's the way life goes. All good things must end.

While we're at it, since it's finally January 1st...nobody is happier then I am right now, finally the world can go back to normal, no more shopping apocalypses, no more disgustingly mind numbing Christmas / New year movies. No more of that hellish music, ''Last Christmas I gave you my heart''? I will rip yours out if you play the damn song one more time. But Nikki you can't play Metallica on Christmas eve, uh? Like hell I can't. Considering Christ doesn't exist it's hypocritical to think he couldn't have been a metalhead. As if that makes any difference, I'd listen to heavy metal at the opera if I could.

What I wanted to say anyway, was, Happy New Year guys, I wish you all the happiness in the world, all the love in the world, all the kindness and patience and all the success in everything you do. Take a deep breath, you've made it this far, we've all been through some type of hell in our lives, and we got through it and we'll continiue fighting. I believe in all of you, and I'm proud of all of you, for all the things you've accomplished even if they seem like a small thing to you, they may seem impossible to someone else. But still, for all our sakes I hope 2018 treats us better then 2017 did.

And to all my metalheads, rockers, musicians, music lovers, here's a piece of advice from the man himself, Billie Joe Armstrong;

"Dear young rock n rollers. Be brave. Be tough. Spit your anger. Piss people off. Don’t be normal. Don’t be trendy. Be loud. Live out loud. Cuss. Swear. Be offensive. Tell the truth. YOUR truth. Fuck authority. Spray paint the walls with your song titles. Be dirty. Smash glass. Make a statement. Don’t be a wimp. Don’t be a follower. Unhinged. We need more young rebel heroes with loud guitars."

Did I mention that I love him lately? Because I do. Either way guys, have a great time celebrating your New years, whether you're somewhere having a great time or at home having a great time by yourself. Like I am, alone with my record collection and honestly having a better time then I could of being cold and annoyed outside. Hah. Have fun and stay safe.

In these troubled times all we need is love.

Lazy mornings with you, my King, are my favorite...

Have I told you what I hate about vinyl? You have to get up every 15 - 30 minutes and turn the record around...

So it's new years eve tomorrow. Everyone keeps asking me what I plan on doing. The fuck do I plan to do? There's only two options, work or binge watching one of my tv shows or the Santa movies with Tim Allen. Those and Home alone are the only Christmas movies I can stomach. Speaking of new years parties. I am so sick of people who suddenly turn all Kanye and party like there's no tomorrow on new years. Excuse you, what is there possibly to be happy about? You know what I actually really want? Sleep for like six god damn years and then wake up with an apartment a good job, financial security and a god damn sense of purpose. I don't want to be rich, I don't want fame, I don't want things I can't get. We've fallen so far that the actual only thing I do want are things everyone should have. A job, a house, a car, enough money to cover my bills, support my cats and spend a week somewhere on a beach once a year. Is that really too much to ask? But all that aside I have promised that I will try and be more positive from now on, so there leaving negativity behind and here's the anwser to another question. ''Who will you kiss on new years''. The only thing I will be kissing is this hell of 2016 goodbye. And pray to God, Satan and everyone in between that 2017 is going to be better. The wheel of fortune always spins back right? Isn't it about time that things get better?

Last night was ''interesting'' to say the least. I am always reminded why I hate local events. Honestly why on earth are people in this town such cunts? Excuse my English. Why the hell do you come to a show if all you plan on doing is dissing the band or drinking yourself into oblivion? I mean someone is paying these events for you and you're shit face drunk, we might as well put a canvas on and play YouTube videos your drunk ass wouldn't know the difference anyways. And the fireworks. I mean I hate is as is and I literally have zero or even less then zero compassion for any idiot that gets hurt while using it, but throwing it at people in public places or worse injuring animals with it. Are you completly insane or brain damaged or without a brain in the first place? What kind of a sick twisted individual does that? What has to go wrong in someone's head to think that torturing animals or throwing pyrotechnics at people is alright? Sometimes I am completly done with people. Actually more then 80% of time I am completly done with people.

And the men...the men that come up to talk to me. Oh god, I mean I know it's probably the alcohol that makes them think they're oh so charming and smart while in reality they're idiots. This guy last night comes to talk to me while I was leaning on the bar drinking tea trying to get warm because it was freezing and he goes ''Hanging on a bar? You're a girl, why don't you act like one''. I mean I don't know is that supposed to be clever, was it something that he hoped to start a conversation with or was he just plain and simple stupid. Here's the deal man, I wasn't aware that vaginas come with a terms & conditions manual. And the other one, walks up to me without even saying hello he's like ''what's your favorite position in bed?'' uh...alright, you know which one? Near the wall so I can use my phone while it charges. Jesus christ. Am I really that weird? That incapable of connecting with people or are people around me actually complete assholes? Why do I even bother?

But all that aside, the band was actually quite amazing. Safe to say I always regretted not being able to see John Lennon *fuck you Chapman* or the Beatles live, maybe I get the chance to see McCartney someday...well last night that regret hurt a little less. The guys playing in the Help! A Beatles tribute are quite incredible. All four of them have amazing voices and respect boys for playing in those freezing temparatures. Can't be easy strumming a guitar while your fingers feel like being repeatedly stabbed. I hear these guys are actually one of the best Beatles cover bands on the planet which is huge considering there are roughly 6000 tribute or cover bands out there.. Can't say I don't agree, everything from sound, to clothes, to haircuts, instruments and down to their very movments is studied to the last tiny detail. I love the back story too, their ''Paul McCartney'' is American, he came from the States and got married here and the funny part is they wouldn't exist if someone wouldn't ask them once to play Beatles songs on a charity event. Everyone thought it's a one time thing but they had too much fun doing it so they decided to keep going. Don't you just love stories like these? How something little can bring people together and create something amazing...

I heard a lot of my favorites last night such as I Want to hold your hand, She loves you, Yesterday, Can't buy me love, Here comes the sun, Hey Jude, We can work it out, Twist and shout, All you need is love, Back in the USSR, Help!...as well as some I didn't know before... Must have something to do with the fact I only own Help! and Beatles White on vinyl. Hah. Well safe to say I will get some more now. Don't worry I'm still team Stones but I found a new appreciation for the Beatles. Took me damn long enough huh?

So despite my bitterness and ''excessive happiness'' over the new years and partying, I'm still going to wish you all the best, have fun, dance the night away, drink, kiss a random stranger, forget about all your worries for those couple of hours.

Happy New Years guys, may 2017 bring you nothing but joy and happiness, to you and your loved ones.

P.S. speaking of loved ones, this part goes out to the man that loves getting into my blog. My passwords seem to be too easy huh? You're right, I will kill you if you do it again, but that was actually really nice, and completly unnecessary, honey you don't need to tell me all these things because I already know, maybe you're not aware of it but they're pretty obvious in all the little things you do and say. Like ''drive safe'' I know that's just another way of saying I love you. Or those cute post it notes you leave on the mirror or in the car to make me smile first thing in the morning. And of course I will always be there for you just like you're always there for me. Nothing and nobody can change that. I love you, more then anything else on this planet, I hope you know that too.

American Girl

Did you miss me guys? C'mon I know you did! This past week was madness. Complete and total chaos. Which in general I mostly spent studying like an idiot. I got a good feeling but I don't want to jinx myself before I find out the results. The exams were difficult as fuck. I'm not joking it was madness. I did manage some time in between to have some fun. Or better yet I was forced to have fun. Which in the end wasn't so bad, turns out sometimes you need to relax. Go figure huh? I spent friday night getting wasted on a Havana night drinking mojito's and trying and failing at Salsa dancing. It's fun though, I might actually take some lessons. I used to do ''dirty dancing'' and loved it, but that was a long time ago. Havana night ended with me sober on the other part of town watching a cover band that does all kinds of 80's rock songs and to say they're good is an understatment, the guys are fucking fantastic. But then again if you're gonna play Sweet child o' mine then that's all you really need to make me love you. There aren't many things on this planet that I love like I love Guns n' roses...

Rock n' roll!

The ''fun'' stopped though when I got home way too late for my own good and was forced to get up in the middle of the night. Okay. It was 8 am. But seriously in the middle of the damn night. No particular reason for it either. I tried to study but who would of known tired brain will no cooperate. What a revelation huh? Spent the rest of the day up on the castle. They have these events every last weekend in August. It's fun. I don't even know why I'm up there each year but still it gives you something to do, even if you do flirt with firemen and listen to knights sing Tokio Hotel songs. Hah. Very medieval of them...

If nothing else the view from up there made me remember that I really love my home town. It's small and the people might drive me insane sometimes but it's home. You only got one of those, and mine is pretty incredible to be honest. I complain over it all the time but truth to be told I wouldn't trade it for anything...

In the middle of all this madness I realized why it's important to take time for yourself. A little ''me time'' you know. Honestly I felt like shit to do won't end this week and I was losing my mind, borderline tearing my hair out and the only problem was that I was pushing myself way too hard, I could still get everything done if I just took an hour or two in between to rest. Honestly we all need to cut ourselves some slack or take a little breath if not for our sanity then for our bodies... they won't coopearate forever and my headaches and body pain made me see clearly that I've had enough. So I took some time to breathe, put on a new record I just got *Skid Row's Slave to the grind, I'm so happy about it!* and got lost in drawing for a while and it was amazing! I felt relaxed and calmer and less stressed...Here's a little something that happened during that time...

Chris Hemsworth as James Hunt in the movie Rush, it took me forever, it took me all the remaining nerves because the red pencil kept breaking and because I have a million of different colors but none makes blonde hair look right, but here we are now, I'm not particulary happy with it, I know it could be better but I wanted to share anyways to show you guys that art isn't always perfect, every artist has a bad day sometimes...I hate it but it happens...

Alright, that's about it from me today, I have things to attend, things that involve getting drunk and sleeping through the weekend...horrible fucking idea but seriously I don't care. I had about enough of everything and everyone this week. Take care, have fun, stay safe! Good luck to everyone who started school again this week! You'll do great I know! And if you don't that's alright too, your inteligence and worth isn't defined by grades.