You're not alone, you're with me.

Today's post is a shorter one. A different one. About a man I admired for a long time. Austin Carlile. I remember posting this picture back in the day when my family cared about Christmas and they'd ask me what I wanted…

Quite honestly that's still one of the only things I want.

I was going through an old blog the other day, reading a post about their concert in Austria I've seen. Actually I haven't seen a full set. They were the opening band for Linkin park and honestly now that I think about it I only bought that ticket to see Of mice and men. Yes I am, always was, always will be, a huge fan of Linkin park but for that particular show I only had tickets because of Mice. I'm so thankful now that I did because if I didn't…I'd never see Linkin park live, well or Mice since Austin left the band a while back…

They played Public service announcement, Feels like forever, Bones exposed, Would you still be there, Another you, Identity disorder, The depths and You're not alone. Which are all my favorite songs. But You're not alone is my by far favorite. If Austins voice singing ''you're not alone, you're with me'' doesn't make you feel safe and comforted then nothing will.

This is the only album I ever bought online and on preorder too. The only one. True love right here folks. I remember counting down the days till I got it and then listening to it for the first time and it was….woah, you know…rainbows and unicorns and all that. I smiled and I cried and felt a million emotions at once it was amazing.

When I bought those tickets to see them, I broke down sobbing, and I doubt I ever cried so many happy tears in my life. I love them as a band, as musicians, as a whole, but it's Austin that's really what pulled me to this band. I say I never had a role model, someone to look up to, but he is it. The closest to describing him is my hero, he went through so much in his life, still is and he's still standing strong. A fighter. I only wish I could be ''tough as nails'' like he is.

The concert in Austria….hah happiness aside, I cried so much, first because they were on stage and then because they were real, and they were perfect, and the music, and the lyrics, and Austins bright smile, and then when he said ''this is our last song'' and when that song was ''You're not alone'' it was like a waterfall. I couldn't contain my emotions any longer. I'm not one to idolise someone but him….he really is my hero, and watching him on that stage, where he belongs, with that smile and the crowd reacting to his every move…it was amazing. I miss that, though I'm sure he misses it more.

Restoring force is just what the title says. It helps me restore my force when I need a moment to catch my breath. I turn it up loud and get lost in the voice , the lyrics, the music. It's amazing how much it can help. And it's also amazing how far Austin came, from that scene band Attack Attack to Of mice and men to…whatever it is he's working on now, which btw, I can't wait to hear. ..

This album reminds me a bit of Slipknot, small wonder given that they probably were one of the influences. I love the parts with clean vocals as well, Austin isn't just a post hardcore , heavy, death core singer, his voice is really nice. To me Public service announcement is one of the band's heaviest songs ever recorded and one of the best heaviest songs in general, such a great opener to an amazing album with intense vocals, perfect lyrics and great guitar riffs. It's full of dark emotion and that's exactly what makes it so perfect. Exposing not just the beautiful but also the ugly.

I love the album because it's angry. Confrontational. Enraged. You can hear it in Public service announcement and in You make me sick which is an obvious attack and paints a pretty picture of how I feel about a number of people in my life.

I know that this album didn't get all perfect reviews but I honestly couldn't care less. To me it's absolutely perfect. And not just the music but also the band and how they treat their fans. Austin and his treatment of fans like they're family is the sweetest thing. He is the sweetest thing.

''He told me: ''If you want to cut yourself, then you're going to take my arm, look me in the eyes, and cut as many times as you would yourself.'' I told him: ''No, I could never hurt you like that.'' And then I just understood. Everything. It all made sense.''

I'm writing this down today because I've been following Austins recent fight with his disease on IG and he just reminded me how strong he is. How amazing he is. How he can pick himself up after every single thing life throws at him and I sure hope he keeps doing that. Because if there's anyone I wish nothing but happiness to, then it's him.

I love you Austin, stay strong, you got this.