Can you fall in love, when you're falling apart?

''On behalf of the SpaceX and NASA teams, welcome back to planet Earth''. That's what Michael Heiman, engineer for SpaceX that was communicating with the astronauts said after they landed safely in the water yesterday. That was the first water landing of an American crew since 1975. Trust me, I should know, I'm a huge space geek, something that keeps me up at night, reading articles about space then suddenly it's 3 in the morning and I'm neck deep into wikipedia articles about black holes. I don't know, something about the infinity of space, the silence, the beauty, the idea how insignificant we really are comparing to all of that. All of what's beyond. Beyond…well I don't know beyond what. I've read a whole bunch of theories but none ever sounded right. One of the most popular arguments in our house. My family just loves to call me insane for believing in extraterrestial life. I think under that everyone just imagines little green beings like ET that Hollywood made us believe in, but it could, really be as little as a bacteria. My whole point is just that it's extremely egocentrical to believe that we're alone in a whole wide neverending space. 

But that was not the point of this post, the geek in me just got carried away. Like the geek in me gets carried away by all the Pentagon files and strange signals and things like Skinwalker Ranch. Point here though is that ''welcome back to Earth''. Imagine that, coming back to Earth, to this. To the ''Earth'' we have right now…yeah…might as well stay up in space to be honest. Can't help but wonder when did things get so fucked up. Started with someone eating a bat in China and we got all the way here months later? Hard to believe. Guess I'm just bitter, bitter about no concerts and worrying about countless of my friends working in the industry and their future, their lives. It was brought to my attention that people seem to think that musicians work alone, that they go to different venues, set up their stages, turn on the lights and lock up after leaving. Madness. And here I am stressed about where will all those people that make a show amazing go, what will happen with their careers, what will happen with their stories, what will happen with music in general. Fuck. 

I guess I'm also bitter because as I've said a million times, music, concerts, are my happy place and I feel so miserable and so lost. I honestly can't seem to function without having something to look forward to, something to make me like, okay just a few more miserable dates till this tour, till that tour, till whatever else. Truth is, I didn't get to see Gerard Way this july 4th and I honestly feel like I won't see him the next one either. 

I guess I'm also bitter because all my vacation plans fell through. There are things I've been planning for so long and by some miracle stars aligned and things were a go this year, before the pandemic that is. Now I'm stuck at home. In a country I never particulary liked, never mind loved. I miss Vienna, I miss Italy, I miss Rome, Milan, I miss Berlin, Finland, I miss everything that isn't home. I miss adventures. And I miss me, relaxed and stress free in those places. I miss the happiness they give me and I fucking miss getting away from this godawful place for a little while. Something's in the air I tell you, even breathing seems hard these days. Must be the people, must be this place, must be the rut, must be the bleak future, must be the ''falta amor''. 

So before I fall back into my bed and my lavender smelling NASA sheets (I told you I'm a geek. Each time my family tells me that I need grown up sheets I get more creative it seems) which I like because of a comment ''come to bed baby, let me show you the stars'' and he really did btw. Hah. Here's a review of a book I just finished reading and a bonus photo so you can admire my Queen socks by ''Happy Socks''. Here's the thing. I hate boring socks, nothing cooler than having colorful, pretty socks. Also these, despite expensive are so cool, I mean having Freddie Mercury peak out from your Doc Martens is one thing but they are really soft and the colors are so vibrant. 

( Emery Lord / When we collided / Contemporary, young adult, mental health, romance /)

The book. It's aparently another ''childrens'' or ''youth'' novels. I tend to read a lot of those lately. Maybe I can't even focus on something heavier or more complicated. I have a stack of new books to read and too little time, books like a book on GN'R that I got in Rome, and a new one about Prince and Elton John. 

There's a line in this book ''Even the constellations can see us now: we are seventeen and shattered and still dancing. We have messy, throbbing hearts and we are stronger than anyone could ever know.'' I think that's beautiful. 

People say ''never judge a book by it's cover'' and I never do, but I sometimes choose a book by it's cover. It it's something that appeals to me, something I like. There's a higher chance I'll read it without really caring what's it about. A lot of pleasant surprises happened this way. I've read so many good books because I picked them up after liking the cover. I really like the cover of this book, simple, white with paint splatters. It's like, it makes sense, colliding with something makes a mess right? And the second thing is that after you finish the book you actually see it makes perfect sense in so many ways. 

Generally this is a book about things we all and I especially can relate to. It's about love and loss. Finding yourself and your purpose, your way, helping others with little things, sometimes even just comfortable silence, or just being there for someone makes a huge difference. It's about mental disorders, it's about grief. Listen, it's no Hemingway but in it's simplicity I think it's a wonderful book.

I'm not the biggest fan of two perspectives that switch each chapter. I prefer one point of view but I suppose given how different the main two characters are it fits. Sometimes you need a little different perspective no? It's switching between a 16 year old Vivi (who btw gives me all kinds of Phoebe from Friends vibes) who is a complete tornado of mostly happiness, excitment, adventure. And Jonah who is 17 and quiet and serious.

The book is based around a summer romance type thing. And though there's a lot of critisism about main characters I believe that Vivi is actually a great character, with a lot of depth. I don't know maybe I can understand her better and some people (lucky people) don't. Story begins with Vivi and her mother moving to a friends house for the summer in a small town in California called ''Verona Cove''. Aparently Vivi falls in love with the small town charm. I don't know if this town exists but I know a little bit about small town charm. I used to have it too. These days, the town remained but the charm is gone. There is something about small towns, small towns like the ones in country songs. With nice people, nice neighbors. Neighbors you can drink coffee with on Saturday mornings and pet their cats instead of argue about lawsuits over events that happened twenty years ago. Don't ask. Long story but no wonder I'm going crazy in this place. 

There's a plot twist to Vivi's character, she was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and refuses to take the medication because it makes her feel like a zombie so instead she's throwing the meds in the ocean. I guess the zombie part we can relate to at some point no? Being so detached, due to medication or something else, to just shut down. And it sucks because just like Vivi I imagine everyone would want to feel alive, to love everything so much to want to experience it. To actually enjoy the little things. 

Jonah on the other hand is different. Detached in a different way, riddled by worries and grief after losing his dad. Funny how I can realate to that. When it's not just grief, pain, loss that eats at you, when it's debt, financial issues, broken family…everything hits full force. So there's Jonah taking care of his family along with two older siblings who take turns in trying to make life go on and taking care of three younger kids. One of them six year old Leah is also to ''blame'' that him and Vivi met. It's cute how Vivi is right away smitten with Jonah's good looks and entire demeanor, while Leah falls in love with Vivi's crazy and fun personality and asks her to come for dinner, which her brother worrying about his loud, bickering, hard to take in family isn't too happy about. 

Vivi manages to charm the entire family except the oldest sister who needs a bit longer to come around. Despite the fact that some of Vivi's behavior is just downright erratic, due to her condition, she's fun, she has some good ideas and some bad (don't we all) and most of her crazy plans, from slip and sliding down their backyard to midnight naked swimming to actually helping to save the family restaurant, her crazy vibrant personality is what brings the family out of this depressive episode they lived in before she came along. A lof of things happen between the pages but I won't be writing them all down, ruins the book I think. Lets just say that a severe episode of her illness brings Viv back from the clouds and she begins to understand that proper medcation will allow her to live a full life. Maybe not the life she dreamed of but a good life anyways. Let's be serious anyways who gets to live the life they dreamed of? 

Generally this is a powerful and moving novel about two people that couldn't be more different. That couldn't experience life, love everything else along those lines more differently and most importantly, a novel that shows us that indeed you can fall in love even when you are falling apart. 

Emery Lord has this easy, light, fun way of writing that you can enjoy and I just love her lines. Some of them are absolutely brilliant like this one;

''I keep wondering if it'll ever hurt less. This…this hole in our lives.''

''Oh, I imagine it'll hurt less eventually. I think there will always be a hole, though. But lace is one of the most beautiful fabrics, you know. All those holes and gaps, but it's still complete somehow – still lovely.''

Beautiful. 

I didn't particulary enjoy the ending but just because I'd do it different doesn't mean it's a bad ending. You know me anything but ''happily ever after''? Eh best don't bother. Hah. All in all I enjoyed this book quite a lot and would recomend it if you're looking for some light reading. 

Now excuse me. Really going to fall back to my NASA sheets though alone, and hope for some rest, these days I am in a zombie state as well. Tired doesn't begin to cover it. Have a great week. Guess I'll see you on Friday with some weekend music recomendations. I hope. 

Everytime I see your face, everytime you look my way it's like it all falls into place, everything feels right.

Sometimes I really don't know, is the world around me going crazy or am I going crazy. Has it always been that way and I just never noticed? Is this how life is for everyone, just this fucking hard? Except well, the few fortunate ones…is this all there is to it? I don't know, seems like this global crisis made a lot of things clear and a lot of things worse. Maybe despite everything I've been living in my own ''safe zone'' , not really ''safe'' but, seeing only the things I want to see, and now when I realised people are not what I thought, things are not what I thought…it feels like the world around me is crashing down once again. 

Sometimes I find myself thinking ''fuck things are just getting worse''. And they really are. Life is just overwhelmingly difficult sometimes. And it's ridiculous how daydreaming ends up being so mundane. I mean you'd dream about I don't know, a Maybach in front of your house, a date with your favourite star, eating too much pizza and never getting fat, you know what I mean? And here I am, finding myself dreaming of the most mundane things, a tiny place of my own to get away from everyone and everything. A person that loves me for me and has no hidden agenda or plays dumb games. Just love, no pain. Financial security, that allows you to live not just survive. A family…the kind who doesn't yell at you about dirty dishes when all you're thinking about is jumping off the tallest building in town…guess the times we live in…these dreams will actually remain dreams. Life is fucked up guys. 

I guess in moments like these, there's little things making it better, easier, less painful. And the one thing that is, the one this post will be about…well even that lately has been tainted…

This is a quick book review. I don't want let myself think about all the bad things surrounding the band lately. To me they will remain my favourite band. The one I grew up with. The one that helped me through so much, heartbreaks, family arguments, people leaving, friends leaving, loss, teenage angst…going back to my private blog, there is so much about them. About just that I mentioned above, about their shows I've been to, about new songs, new videos, about how they made me feel.

There's a post from october 2015, about a video that came out just around that time. It's been a rough week, or a month, or several months, a time that made me think just why the fuck do I bother even trying, when everything I do always goes wrong (question remains, and so do hard times) and just how that little notification of a new video made me snap into full fangirl mode and made life a little easier just for a little bit. It was like, the world melted away for 4 little minutes and everything felt okay.

There's a post, from August 2014. God what a day that was. Awful. Horrible. And if I quote it ''I should probably thank my favourite band for keeping me sane once again, since the world seems to be spiraling out of control they keep my feet on solid ground. The only people in my life that nevevr hurt me and probably never will, I know I sound crazy but I guess…I don't know, in an unhappy world I found my happiness in them.''.

There's a post from July 2013. Just pictures. From some meet and greet. With fans. Cute interactions. Think my heart exploded into a puddle of rainbows and unicorns watching those pics. Always wishing I'd be in the shoes of those fans…never happened. Doesn't seem like it will either, but hell, just my luck. 

There's a post from June 2013, Saturday the 8th, a day after their show in Austria. It was my second time seeing them…and the post is hardly a concert review it's more…jumbled words, freaking out, hysterics,…I possibly wrote those posts shedding happy tears, much different than todays post…all the tears today are sad ones. It was a very good day, June 7th. I was nervous. I was completely freaking out. Daydreaming about that meet and greet…yeah if I wasn't worried about passing out right in front of them, like in some god awful cheap movie. I still remember that first moment when the venue goes dark, screaming starts, first note of ''Shut up'' hits and the world disappears. Everything is right. Everything is okay. God I miss this so much. You know how fan girls always have that screeching ''I swear he's looking right at me'' thing? Well at this show, it really happened. I'm not a crazy fangirl it did. One of them locked eyes with me and we stared at eachother smiling for good ten seconds, it got to a point where other fans turned and looked at me. It was a moment. A moment I aint never gonna forget. I remember I wrote that nothing really will top this moment, or this show in the original blog post. And yeah, I've seen so many concerts after, but I guess in a way none of them did top that one. Sure Springsteen, or The Stones, but that can't be compared, of course they're better musicians, but they mean something else to me, they matter on a different level. I lost my voice the next morning due to crying and screaming. Family proclaimed me insane. Not the first or last time to be honest.  The blog post ends with ''I know you can't understand these hysteric ramblings, it's a kinda love you have to feel to understand. My boys, my saviours.''. I still feel that way even if these days…it just hurts. 

There's a post from March 2013, describing in vivid detail a dream I had involving them. It was cut short by being abruptly woken up by my family. It's been 7 years and I am still mad because of it. Because I never found out how things ended. Where the dream led to. What could have happened. It was only just a dream…but still. It was kinda perfect. 

There's a post from Avgust 29th. Confessions how one of them was my first ever crush. True story. I've been ''in love'' with him since I was 11 years old. Which is funny when you think of it, I don't have friends, boyfriends, family even staying in my life as long as this band did. It's a little rant about how music changes lives, changes a part of you, makes you feel, makes you experience life and emotions in a way you didn't know possible. This band made a difference to me, made me appreciate things I never knew matter before, made me love stronger, made me regret less. They made me feel like I'm not all alone in the world. The lyrics, they were lyrics that described some of the emotions I felt better than I could, and that, that meant so much. There's words in this post about how grateful I am for everything they did and keep on doing for me. How grateful and happy I was to have something like them to fall back on to. 

There's a post from May 2012 describing a fun family moment. I got home, soaking wet from rain, shedding clothes as I went through the hallway hearing my mother asking if it's me in the house. I remember replying ''no mother it's OJ Simpson'', and walking through the kitchen to get upstairs. It was one of those moments, parents have company over and you find yourself half naked in front of them because nobody informed you. She told me ''I hope you were outside in a little more clothes than that'', while I stand there in front of her friends in zebra printed underwear muttering it's ''David's favourite'' one of her friends asked who David is, she said ''David is Nikki's imaginary husband''. I swear my mother…I know I told her that she has a twisted version of the truth, and that he's not imaginary but just a great husband who doesn't expose me to the paparazzi and the fans. I just loved to drive my mother crazy, she'd be like ''remember that whole ''being normal'' thing we talked about? This would be a damn good time to start using it''. I still think she's delusional if she thinks I will EVER be normal.

There's a post from May 15th 2012 with just one line ''David falls in love easy''. I remember reading that and my heart stopping. Hah. crazy fan girl. There's several ''appreciation'' posts after that one too, just their pictures…

There's about 100 more of these posts, pictures, memories, concerts, song releases, ''love letters''…

But today I don't know where I stand. I don't know how to feel. Nothing really changes, I love them, so much, they mean the world to me, still. But something changed. Everything changed. Life caught up with all of us. And more than the present I fear the future because as dramatic as it may sound. I really don't want to live in a world where they don't exist as a band. 

As everything in my life getting this book was a nightmare. I ordered it and it got lost, I never got it. And then it was sold out, or they didn't have it in stock, or this or that. There was always something. My ex boyfriend ended up getting it for me through a friend. I'll be forever grateful to them for that. 

I think the first idea of a book was actually a photobook and it was as early as 2005. They had two albums at that point and what I imagine hundreds of pictures documenting their career. I guess every band does. Would be amazing huh, digging through some such archives. Possibly of bands such as GN'R and Stones and all the other rock legends I love so much.

This ''photobook'' took forever. All through the years fans were asking, reporters were asking and it was always in the works, being made, etc. Then early in 2012 they announced it's not going to be a photobook but a real proper book with over 300 pages (it has 304), released in English and in French. What started as a photobook ended up being so much more. A book with the complete written history of the band, written by Kathleen Lavoie, memorabilia, letters from the fans, backstage passes, different merch, gear etc, things that the band kept and used over the ten years of their career. 

I read it several times since getting it. Actually read it. Flipped through it admiring the pictures many more times as well. I guess if it's not already obvious from above, I really love this band and I obviously loved every page of this book, start to finish. I made me fall in love with them and their music even more, there were some things in the book that even I didn't know if that's at all possible. It's a really well written story, flows nicely, the pictures are just too beautiful and so many of them were pictures I never saw anywhere before that. The book is honest, it tells the good and the bad. The struggles in the begining and I like that. Honesty. 

It's been rough when David left for the first time due to depression. I think I was more scared of him hurting himself than I was of…anything really…and it's really hard now, with whatever the fuck this is that's been happening…I guess, all I really wish at this point is that the book gets a part two in another 13 years and this right now? This is just a bad chapter. A bad moment in time. But a moment. A moment that will pass and happiness and better times will follow. Because fuck. This is the last bit of happiness left in my life and I can't imagine it being taken away as well. 

Can you tell me where we're headin'? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?

I start each post these days with ''life is hard'' or something along those lines. And god it fucking is. The last three years, my god they were hell. Just about everything that could go wrong did go wrong. And to be honest that stone just keeps on rolling downhill with no intent of stopping. At this point, I honestly have yet to figure out what could possibly happen to make this year, the last couple of years worse than they are. Literally fucking nothing. And don't start with that whole ''you could be dead'' crap on me because honest to god that would be a vacation.

I've been keeping a good distance from these sexual harrasment accusations that just about every band I ever listened to was accused of. I guess I snapped this morning when it happened to a band I loved most since early teens. Don't get me wrong. I do not support any kind of harrasment, or abuse, or victim blaming or anything of the sort. But what I also don't support is literally shredding a person till their guilt is proven. Have we learned nothing from Johnny Depps case? Isn't everyone innocent until proven guilty? I've been on the other end, I've watched it happen to a friend of mine, life ruined over lies. And even though his innocence was proven on court, it cleared nothing, once his name was dragged through mudd it was never clear again.

On the other end I'm having a hard time coping with this over the posibility of it being true. I can't say ''it's been a good life'' I can only say, I managed somehow and while trying to manage, my bands were there for me, the light, the happiness, the comfort, the only thing keeping me sane. And I can't for the life of me process that that safety net, that soothing feeling, that one safe place, could be anything but that safety and comfort. I just can't. Don't get it wrong, please, if these people did anything, they should be punished, obviously, all I'm saying is, it's hard for me the process the posibilities of it being true, nevermind the actual truth. Breaks my heart in pieces. If there's a heart left in the first place. As I've said. It's been a tough life.

So while I sit here and wallow in self pitty and depression and possibly sickness over everything that's been happening, here's a short review of a song for a change, not an album. I've been having this and maybe about 5 other songs on reply for hours. Soothing songs. Songs that make you feel better. Like Bon Jovi's ''These days''. Always soothing to know you're not the only one having ''those days''.

This is a song, written by Bob Dylan and it appears on 1978 album titled ''Street legal''. It's originally called ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' on stage, Dylan introduced this song as ''this song is inspired by a man named Harry Dean Stanton. Some of you may know him.''. Or said ''this is a new song written about six months ago on a trip through the southern part of the…northern part of the States. Anyway it's entitled Tales of Yankee power''. Y'all know who Harry Dean is right? Him and Dylan got close on set of Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid, and did in fact take a road trip which was almost 1600 miles so…y'all know being in a car for that long with someone. Hell. Kill me.

There's a very poetic way in which Dylan paints his lyrics. The way he expressed feeling displaced. Lord knows I feel the same. Wrong place, wrong time, all the time. There is no denying that this song already starts up powerful, raw, suggestive, strong with lyrics such as ''Señor, señor, do you know where we’re headin’? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?''. Amazing opening right there. While it actually refers to Billy The Kid who established his name in the ''Lincoln County war''. But I guess it's a metaphor of a sort, see Lincoln County road is a good thing, Armageddon is a bad thing. At the end of it all we realise that both of it is bad and we just live in an illusion of doing the right thing, going the right way, but all we're doing is chosing which electric socket to stick our fingers in to make it hurt less. It's like Armageddon is the worst situation and the Lincoln County is the bad one, so either way you go about it, you're still fucked. Cute fun fact the famous Area 51 is actually located in Lincoln County.

I don't actually own ''Street legal'', sadly I don't really own more than two of Dylans records I think, but I've listened to this album online. And this song is quite different than the rest of the album. You can also hear a really wide arrangement of different instruments in this song, percussion, keys, mandolin, bongos, some bells even. Dylan as a musician is a whole different league than anything else. Musically and lyrically he differs from most artists on the scene. To me closest to his story telling lyrics is Springsteen and even they are nothing alike. Reviews for this song talked about Dylan converting into a burning Christian, because well, ''Senor'' you know is the man upstairs. Also I suppose there are other references in here, Armageddon, ''cross around her neck'', pretty sure Jesus is also mentioned, though, I mean this song is no exception to the rule, there's been Biblical, Christianity related references in so many of his songs, and so what?

There's a lot of Kafka references as well. God I can't stand him. I don't think I suffered through any book as much as I did through ''The Metamorphosis''. Oh my god. Someone explain to me what's the point. The guy just turns into a fucking roach. No point. No superhero. No nothing. He's just full on bug over night. I mean, clearly I'm missing some higher meaning and purpose which in songs it's so easy for me to spot but this…this is a bit much. I mean okay, he's fucked up mentally so he's fucked up physically too? Idk. Just strange. The roach is a metaphore I get it but come on. This crap is fully unreadable. Anyways back to the point, there's a reference in this song ''The last thing I remember before I stripped and kneeled'', which as you will know is from Kafka's ''The trial'' where Josef the protagonist of the story had to undress and get on his knees. Lord help me the entire time writing this all I'm thinking about are bad things. Strip and kneel in my book means something completely different not execution. But also if you look at the line ''Son this is not a dream no more, it's the real thing''. Literally describing Kafka aint it? All his writings are something that could be percieved as dreams but are really real things. Roaches included. No doubt here Dylans mind is just brilliant.

Now as every other brilliant song this one has many covers as well. And ironically it's one of the covers that made me fall in love with the song not the original at all. Dylan is complex and for a more demanding audience if you ask me. Just like U2 are. I love them, but I don't love them pass Joshua tree if you know what I mean. I heard the song in the TV show ''Mayans MC'' first. Clearly I have an obsession with that, all you gotta do is look at my art profile and see what's up. I get it. People keep asking me if there's a reason I draw bikers all the time, or a reason to love biker tv shows and such. Yeah. There sure is a reason. They remind me of home and family. But that's not the point, point is that Mayans MC is a brilliant show, with amazing cast and well worth your time.

This cover is recorded by Steve Earle & Los Refugios Tiernos and the voice in which it's delievered is just bone chilling, not just icicles and raspy and perfect but the whole fucking glacier. It's amazing. It's sung with emotion, with some sort of precission. Simply perfection. Which is another thing that makes this show that good. The soundtrack. There's nothing random, there's no filler song. All songs serve a purpose, set a certain mood and fit into the story perfectly.

So, give it a listen, I'm sure you'll enjoy it as much as I do. Lyrics and song below…

Señor, señor
Can you tell me where we're headin'?
Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
Seems like I been down this way before
Is there any truth in that, señor?

Señor, señor
Do you know where she is hidin'?
How long are we gonna be ridin'?
How long must I keep my eyes glued to the door?
Will there be any comfort there, señor?

There's a wicked wind still blowin' on that upper deck
There's an iron cross still hanging down from around her neck
There's a marchin' band still playin' in that vacant lot
Where she held me in her arms one time and said, "Forget me not"

Señor, señor
I can see that painted wagon
Smell the tail of the dragon
Can't stand the suspense anymore
Can you tell me who to contact here, señor?

Well, the last thing I remember before I stripped and kneeled
Was that trainload of fools bogged down in a magnetic field
A gypsy with a broken flag and a flashing ring
He said, "Son, this ain't a dream no more, it's the real thing"

Señor, señor
You know their hearts is as hard as leather
Well, give me a minute, let me get it together
Just gotta pick myself up off the floor
I'm ready when you are, señor

Señor, señor...

You're my red white blue jean American dream.

I started this post a little differently originally, but deleted it and started over. Sadly you'll never know what the original begining had, sometimes I get carried away, write about things that should remain private, locked in a silly diary with a lock. I had one of those when I was in middle school. Got ruined because my family doesn't respect boundaries and they decided to read what I was writing. I don't know if there's anything that could scream private more than a diary. Ironically now, when I write a public blog none of them reads it. The fuck? 

Either way, it's the 4th of July tomorrow. No, I don't care about American Independence day (y'all seen what happens if you type 4th of july into google?), what I care about is the fact that I was supposed to be in Bologna, Italy tomorrow at Sonic Park Fest. Ticking off one of my biggest dreams of the list. Seeing My Chemical Romance live. Something I dreamed about since 2005. Then they broke my heart by breaking up, now they're back together and I feel like the man upstairs saw me almost happy and decided to intervene with this fucking pandemic. Y'all music lovers feel my pain right? I swear no concerts feels like my therapist has died. Yes I'm aware that dates have been postponed to next year, but believe me that doesn't do much for me right now.

But instead of moping and crying into my FIFTH cup of coffee today, I'll write a quick review of an album that came out last Friday. Still hot from the press. It was a surprise in the mail for me, I didn't know it's coming, and a signed copy non the less. Literally full on sobbing. Y'all know how much I love this man…

I know bad pictures. It's mission impossible to take good pictures of a CD without the reflection, but you get the point. Also ALSO y'all should see the gorgeous smiley photo inside the booklet, but for that I'd have to take it out and smear his fingerprints that are most likely on it. Don't argue with the crazy fangirl right now. Hah. But really, gorgeous smile. 

Alright, here's the deal, y'all know I'm a metal / rock child all the way. But also a total country girl and I enjoy this type of music so much. Don't be fooled though, not all artists. This one just happens to be my favourite. Well top five favourite. Not just his voice and music but also his kind nature. All in all a good man, great artist, amazing voice, beautiful lyrics, what more do you want? 

OH MY GOD, can I just say I'm in love with this album? It's so perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. And I think he just may be the reason I finally go to the UK. Yes, yes I hear myself guys I do, but UK is the closest (as if it's close lol) that he tours to me. I mean everything is cancelled right now obviously (we should cancel life too ugh) but when things settle…it seems like a completely logical, rational decision and I can just see my family tearing my head off if I tell them I'm going to UK for a concert. Lol. Dad would understand I'm sure, but he'd tell me he's embarrassed that I'd go that far for anything that's not Rolling Stones. Well shit. 

So the album has 13 songs all together and the first single came out in August titled ''She's mine'' and honestly you guys it was love at first play. Y'all seen the video? If not the link is HERE, go check it out. I'm so in love, it's simple, it's cute, it's fun and most importantly the song is so catchy and I just love it. Scared to check iTunes how many times was it played. Too many probably. Lol. 

So the album opens with a song called ''Janie Blu''. Oh my god what a song! Like, his voice, all icicle and cotton candy, sand paper and cotton, leather and lace. You know what I mean? It's raspy, it's gritty, it's powerful and yet it's soft and it's gentle and it gives you the idea of his entire range and how he sounds live. Well how I imagine he sounds live, wasn't lucky enough to see if I'm right yet. But obviously I am. I just know. I have this hunch that Kip is a much better artist live than on the album. Sure album sounds amazing but all those growls, and grooves and things that make someone's voice special sorta get lost on a recording. There is nothing like listening to your favourite artists live as is, but sometimes things get lost in translation. 

Second song is called ''Southpaw'' total outlaw anthem. Something I'd imagine myself whistling while running from the law. Yes, it wouldn't be the first time and if the last time it was Pitbull and Sheltons ''Get ready'' then Southpaw might be more on point. Guys! Imagine this song live! It's a Bon Jovi type stadium anthem. Well, better, since Jon's preforming standards these days are rather low.  The song ''Southpaw'' feels like it's about that kinda life, you know, the outlaw life, there's a line ''wanted by the law and every woman''. But that's not what the song is about at all. He recently in an interview explained that this song talks more about his disgust with modernity than his desire to be a bad boy. He told the ''American Songwriter'';

''I get a little frustrated with the way I see society shaping up and the way everything’s become a little vanity-ridden. Social media to me has gotten out of hand. At times I just feel like I was born at the wrong time and I feel kind of isolated in those thoughts. And then it makes me feel like maybe I’m crusty and jaded. I’m not sure. I’m still trying to process the way I feel sometimes about the way I see everything going.'' (full interview HERE) 

Can I just say I completely agree? I feel the same way about society, about social media, about these standards and ''normality'' being forced upon us and definatelly about being born in the wrong time and being isolated with my own thoughts. Not so much thoughts maybe as I am in this place. People are different than I am, and their ''normal'' isn't my ''normal''. It's rough. I get you Kip. 

This album is a bit different because sure these are in a way love songs but not the whole rot your teeth sweet, like Bon Jovi will (please for the love of everything holy write something political Jon) but honest. They aren't looking trough heart shapped glasses but real songs, rugged. Love isn't always pretty and it's not always happy. The people in his songs are real people, flawed people. People who are trying to fit in in a place they don't feel they belong. People trying to find their place under the sun.  He says that he's a private person and that the only real open and honest are his songs, which I think what the last song ''Payin' hard'' is about. Personal. Raw. Honest. 

Don't you just love how country music can make you love the little things? The dirt roads, barefoot walking on the grass, the small towns, country life, skinny dipping in the lake, the sound a truck makes driving over the railroads, Friday nights, bonfires, something to sip on and not a care in the world, tailgate down watching the stars, no hurry, nothing but time to spend. Easy times, easy life. Gotta love that vibe. I miss it everyday. Living in the city. It aint easy. It's not a big city, but it's far from the free, open, country life I had when I was younger. 

Right back to the album. It goes on with ''Fire and flame''. Another one to sing along to on a stadium. I wish. I love the line in this song ''When I was desperate and I lost my faith, I found an angel is a broken place''. And I love the voice he sings this in, that perfect raspy voice that literally gives me shivers and goosebumps all over my body.

The story goes on with the album title song ''Wild world''. Another nice one although with maybe a bit over used phrases. ''Mama said'' and ''life is short, some days are long''. Nothing wrong with that though and I love how he simply but straightforward makes a point with ''be proud of the blue around your collar''. 

Next song is ''Red white blue jean American dream'' and oh my god I am obsessed. This is probably my new favourite song, which is super ironic because it's the only song on the album not written by Kip Moore. Lol. It was written by Jimi Beil, Barton Davies, Phillip Lammonds and Luke Dick, listing them here to thank them because I do love the song so much, and also for my family, if they ever venture here to know who to ''thank'' for being tortured with this song on reply. I love it so much did I say? Starts with a ''Well it's a great big world, with a lot of little things to see, so what you say, girl, do you wanna see 'em all with me?'' uh, yes! You don't even need to ask, anyday, anytime. On a serious note this is a fast pace, fun song, easy to listen, easy to sing along, easy to play real loud in a pickup while driving around with no destination. And I just love the chorus ''Well, Dylan went to New York, Cash went to Nashville, Mark Twain floated on the Mississippi queen. Daddy planted roots in Dixon county, mama's mama never left the front porch swing. We can climb the Eiffel tower in Paris Texas, Rock rock city in Tennessee, rollin' down the road, you and me just chasin' that red white blue jean American dream''. Perfection right there. 

Next song, ''She's mine'' just seriously go watch the video. And that smile. Ugh the cutness is killing me. If you love Tom Petty and Heartbreakers (and I do obviously) then go listen to this song, you'll love it. Did I say my friend and I added a line to that song and filmed a ridiculous remake of the video, in which I may have danced in booty shorts on the hood of his ancient Mercedes? Good times. Shoulda been a pickup though, I keep telling him that. I aint a Merc girl, I'm a pickup, redneck hick all the way. 

''Hey old lover'' that's about a booty call right? I mean ''hey old lover, won't you come on over? Heard you're in between boyfriends from your mother, I always thoguht we'd end up together'' okay maybe not just a booty call but more of a…I don't know a potential for a happy end. You know? When you're dating someone and things are perfect and then they don't work out but maybe years later you find eachother again, and try again and everything is perfect? I know I know…when did that ever happen? Well it did for Brantley Gilbert, but how many Brantley's are there? I guess it's rare, but isn't that exactly what makes it that much more special? 

After old lovers there's ''Grow on you'' and if that's not the cutest song than I don't know what is. Okay it's a bit cocky not going to lie but oh my god so cute! The ''Like ivy up a hickory, down in muddy Mississippi, I'm puttin' down roots and I'ma gonna grow on you'', for the love of everything holy stop promising and just do it already, I'm still waiting. Lol. I guess he declared his love and his dedication to make things work to a girl who's not yet sold on him in this song. Or say not completely convinced yet (crazy or…?). Guitar parts in this one are just fun, the whole song is fun, edgy, more rock n roll vibe. It's just a cool song. 

Then you got ''More than enough'' which is the perfect example of that leather and lace, icicle and cotton candy thing that I described ealier. It demands your attention from the first note because it's different. It's so soft, delicate, tender, soothing. It's the type of love song that any girl would want to hear. Someone pouring their heart out to them, promising forever, in better or worse, sickness and health, rich or poor, all those things people promise each other on their wedding day but forget about in a years time. Under the cold facade and the (as my friends love to say) serial killer glare I'm actually all gooey for romance and love songs (sorry but classic rockers going for love ballads? That shit makes a bitch hot under her collar).  This song though ''If Uncle Sam goes and steals my money, I'm good with a spoonful of your sweet honey, and I'll be sittin' pretty and rich on love, love, love. If the rain won't stop and the sun don't shine, hit a tough spot, baby, we'll be fine, you in my arms is all I need, just a little bit of your love is more than enough for me''. Perfect isn't it? And isn't that what we all want? I don't need a big house, expensive cars, things that society makes us think we need, I just need that. My person. That one person who's there through good and bad and who's demons play well with mine. Don't get me wrong material things like a Harley outside are nice, but in the end of the day, nothing will make you as happy as wrapping your arms around someone you love and someone that loves you and makes you feel like home. Home is not a place after all, home is a person. Family, partner, children, people that love you, they make up a home not four walls. 

''Sweet Virginia'' is another fun track. I wasn't sure when looking at the title does he mean a woman or the state. Lol kinda like that Nelly thing ''Hey lil' Porsha''. If that's about a car then I'm a pitbull. Hah. This is a cool song with this energetic, funky guitar rhytm which is just in perfect harmony with his sweet voice. 

Next song is ''South'' which you know is more relatable. I live in the south of my part of the world. Well just on the begining of the southern part but still. People tend to behave more southern than most. In a bad way. Like the ones the meme's are about you know? This song had quite a few co-writers and just confirmes what he said in the interview I mentioned earlier. That he was born in the wrong era (me too carino me too) because it has this cool 80's vibe. Listening to it I could easily imagine it's a much older song than it is. And it has that heartbreak, pining, endless love feel to it that 80's love songs have ''my love will still be hangin' around, when the birds fly south''. The end of the summer illusion too which brings us back to his album ''Slowheart'' and the song ''Sunburn''. A lot of country songs sing about the end of summer really. I feel that on a deep personal level, to me too it feels almost like life is ending when the summer is over. I hate rain, I hate cold, god forbid snow. And lets not even get into the gray, murky, depressed weather. 

Next before last is ''Crazy for you tonight'', which gets me like, fuck tonight, I'm crazy for you always. Hah, seriously, ignore the crazy fangirl, hopped up on caffeine and broken dreams of tomorrows cancelled concert and the fact that I'm writing a Kip Moore album review while Backstreet Boys play on the loop in the back. Don't judge, we all have our guilty pleasures and I can't focus with new music playing, I get too distracted listening to it, I forget to write. Which, as you see is a problem, I can barely keep on track while writing these. I keep getting carried away. I love ''Crazy for you tonight'' because I feel like it's a song I can relate to. I'm a little crazy too, people call me dangerous all the time, in a world of squares I am definatelly a circle that doesn't fit in so yes, I feel this song. The whole point of the song, being in love and ready to ignore all the doubters and haters, I get that too. I've been there, in love with someone for who the entire world told me is not right for me or I for him but fuck it, we were happy despite it all.  ''you may think I'm a littly crazy, but I'm only crazy for you tonight''. Always. 

Last song just might be the most important song. It's titled ''Payin' hard'' and like I said above that one most personal, most emotional, most honest song. Y'all heard ''Guitar man'' right? This is that same vibe. The song is the shortest one on the album, with just 2:48, while others (except Hey old lover) are all around 3 or 4 min. But we get it, shorter to get over it quicker. The song reflects his feelings, his doubts, fears if maybe he did some things he shouldn't have done. There are verses in it about lost love, his late father and the future. The future one is maybe a bit scary to be honest. But I love how he does a full circle and Janie is mentioned in this song again. It's poetic, starting the album with Janie and ending it. She's a real person too I hear. Not just an idea. His dad Stanley died in 2011 but I think this song is the first song where he let his emotions flow more obvious. I don't think he dealt with his pain in any other song. ''And now he's gone, the kind of gone that don't come back. I only see him now in dreams that I have, I gotta live with that, lose sleep with that, when I close my eyes I'll die with that''. Another one that hits home. I understand his loss. I've been there and I felt just what he feels. 

The future part though, that one kinda scares me there's a line ''So long my friends, I guess this is my farewell, damn all these pennies swimming in my wishing well, told every single story that I have to tell, I'll live with that, sleep with that, make my peace and I'll die with that''. It's kinda…you know, it rubs you the wrong way, especially if you know that he's the person to not announce a retirement but just disappear. And though it's not on me of course, or any of us fans, I'd be extremely sad in a world without his music. 

Either way, this album is nothing but perfection, don't let the whole ''country artist'' fool you though, Kip is a rocker and nothing but. This is nothing like Johnny Cash or Willie Nelson type country music. This is more a fuse of country and rock which goes more to the rock side than it does country. What stands out to me most is the moments on this album that give us little glimpses of a different Kip. The contrasts I talked about, sweet and edgy. Sugar and spice kinda thing. You know why I love him? Because I love Bruce Springsteen and Kip, and this album especially is a country rock version of Bruce Springsteen. All of it. The lyrics, the music, the vibe. All of it. I've seen him preform live on youtube (please God, make him tour somewhere closer than UK, I am literally begging) and I feel like he stands out from all those country stars just there. As a preformer. He's fun, his production is polished to perfection, musicians are all amazing and his voice just has no competition. 

Maybe the songs are a bit too ''safe'' you know, familiar, like the old songs are, which personally for me is perfect, I love him just as he is, but I wonder what would happen if he'd explore different types or music as well. Or different sounds. Could be interesting. Though lets be honest, a singer that came on the scene singing about beer, girls and pickup trucks (basically every other country star then eh? Lol but still better than twerking and all that gross crap that makes you take birth control just to listen to, yuck) he obviously grew a lot, and really evolved, both musically and especially lyrically. This is not just another modern, country, rock album, it's a Kip Moore album and that's rather obvious in his style and sound, which is unique to him and him alone. 

If you're looking for something different to listen to, something new, something fun and exciting, or you're just curious, give this one a listen, I'm certain you'll love it. Probably not as much as I do (obsessed I swear) but that's probably not possible anyways. 

Alright, let me put the record back on from the start while I get ready. Another Friday, another protest, this time hopefully I can say ''I fought the law and I won'' not ''I fought the law and the law won''. 

New world order.

I wrote and deleted the first line three times now. Something I never do. I suppose it's hard. Starting with a ''bad day'' or a ''bad week'' seems silly. It's not a bad week or a bad month. It's a bad year, it's a bad life. Things have just been going wrong so much lately. I'm sure many of you can relate. I remember each time I write a new years post I write ''please *enter year* treat us better'' or ''please be good'' and despite it all I think 2020 just fucked us most. It may seem crazy or unbelievable but what's really killing me are concerts. My own personal and best therapy and having it taken is just the worst kind of punishment. Yes I get it, things could be worse, and concerts will be back, but y'all read my blog, you know what and how much they mean to me and without that sort of outlet, that happy place, well I'm pretty lost. 

I tried to do something fun this weekend for a change. My annual favourite event ''Night at the museum'' was going on on Saturday. But this year all the fun was taken out of it. It's been one hell of a weather with the pouring rain and weird humidity that makes people with allergies like mine choke but also the masks in the museum, the keeping distance, the depressed tense atmosphere and people glaring. It's rough. Life goes on sure, but if life goes on like this…I'd rather it stopped for a little while longer. 

While most exhibitions are permanent and I know them by heart by now, I still go check them out each year. Some things I enjoy watching all over again, like the big bear or the painted ceiling and the best preserved Roman street on this side of Europe. And there's always some small new surprises to see. Our town has very rich Roman history so each time something is repaired, a hole is dug, the river is searched, new findings pop up. 

This time there was a new exhibition I was looking forward to. About rock music in our country and former Yugoslavia. It's amazing just how many amzing musicians we have, how much good music, but it's just lost in the floods of recent crap we tend to call music. So many bands broke up by now, some died, some still exist but they weren't just musicians, at some point in time they represented hope, rebellion, change,…

It's a brilliantly set exhibition, highlighting musicians that left a statement on the Slovenian music scene, ours and those from countries around us. And the whole lay out of the exhibition is probably the closest to a concert I'll get in a long while, the rooms you walk around follow in a particular order. Like a festival it starts with a little stage where it's musicians country wide, big stage with names that are from all around former Yugoslavia, in between you find a so called ''political stage'', which may be my favourite part, showing and explaining the spirit of rock, the like I called it earlier, rebellion, being different, offering a different outlook on things and offering a way out of the boring and normal. The room layout obviously ends with a ''backstage'', that one is dedicated to our local bands, from our hometown. Might be the most important part. We have so much good music here too.

Obviously what the exhibition shows in the first place are guitars, drums  and other gear, clothes, records, some personal items from the musicians that changed our world in the time period between 1960 and 1991. I am a strong believer that music and especially rock music has the power to change the world and this is a clear back up of that idea, music can break barriers in people's minds, in politics, in cultures in everything really. It's an universal language and a statement like no other. 

It's a funny feeling walking through an exhibition looking at things and pictures of people you actually know. I don't know, should it make me feel old or…? Going through this, remembering how it's set into stages, the barricades, the guitars, the lights…fuck me I miss concerts. I don't get how people live, how do you live never going to concerts? I can't seem to understand it…

The rest is business as usual, the paved Roman street which come to think of it after seeing Pompeii last year is not as fascinating no more and I'd actually need someone to explain to me why is ours different and ''one of a kind'' in it's way. I mean in Pompeii all Roman streets are preserved and you obviously also can walk on them. I think I heard once that it's special because it's a ''highway'' in a way. And it's supposed to be unique because of that, not sure though. Gotta look into that, I suppose it's time to bug museum employees yet again, by now they all know me and by some miracle they're not sick of me yet. 

Business as usual means also going to see my bear again. Can't do without the bear…

As always the night has to end with a drink but believe me even that one feels bitter when your favourite places aren't even open and won't be anytime soon. I guess is the new ''normal'' we have to get used to now. Actually, fuck that, it's not normal, it's crazy, it's madness but I guess this madness is our new reality.  It's a fucked up world as I said so many times before but I think this kinda fucked up I didn't even dream of.

I suppose this is it for today. Another long Monday and I'm ready to fall into bed. It might be true that you don't hate Mondays but your life but so help me Jesus it feels like Mondays never end. Have a good week guys, I hope you find some sort of fun to make things seem less gloomy. I'm actually going to a local concert on Wednesday. Tiny event not even comparable to what I miss so much and I don't even know the band but I'm having such a withdrawal crisis from concerts that I'd probably go see Justin Bieber should he play here. Gonna be ''fun'', muzzled and annoyed but I'm willing to try. 

P.S. All but one picture of me are taken of my butt because I have a problem of being pictured muzzled. Feels and looks dumb...but it's okay because it's been a good hair day...

Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away.

There's a song by Niall Horan titled ''Put a little love on me''. And there's a line in that song ''I look around as my heart is collapsing, 'cause you're the only one I need, to put a little love on me.'' I thought that was beautiful. The way it's sung with emotion, the words...I'm not a fan of his music, but when a song is good...I can admit that even if it is by Justin Bieber. Ha no not really, him never, though let's be serious we all got our guilty pleasures and that's okay. All I'm saying ''Put a little love on me'' is a beautiful song, I listened to it on my headphones on reply along with Styles' ''Falling'' in the middle of the night and honestly it took a little strength to keep the tears at bay. Not because of the songs but because of the emotions they brought up. Isn't that what good music is supposed to do? Make you feel…

Don't worry though, this week it's business as usual, with an album that someone I love very much loves most. We're both huge fans of this band and this album so here goes…(I might love the cover most just to fuck around with the picture, there's been a lot of ''PG18'' pics on my phone with this cover and also Motley Crues cover. I obviously prefer Vince Neil's crotch over Joe Dallesandro).

You can't actually expect me to look at the title ''Sticky Fingers'' and not think of dirty things straight away? Which is exactly what they wanted anyways. I mean a cover with male genitalia. Literal rock n roll symbol I'd say. The back part aint bad either though I've yet to see a sexier rocker's butt than Springsteen. Tight. Lol. Back to the ''famous crotch'', I mentioned above the man behind the picture, Joe Dallesandro. Can y'all imagine that? Instead of the ''shot heard around the world'' it's the ''bulge seen around the world''. I mean we never saw his face but his dick got some serious fame. That much more making it shot by Andy Warhol. Wild.

This album was released in April 1971, I can literally hear my mother in my head just now going on about how I only love old cars, old men and old music. Makes my eyes roll all the way back into my skull. First off not my fucking fault new music and cars suck and also, y'all seen Nikki Sixx right? Fucking stud. I get off topic easy when it's about classic rock stars yes. Obviously.

While we're on this ''stud'' topic. I've seen the Stones in 2014, ironically in just 4 days it's going to be 6 years since I saw them. My dad once said ''days are long but years are short'', I never understood that better than I do now. I haven't written about this concert in detail on my other blog like I do now. Only shared some pictures. But shit it was an amazing concert. I mean not my favourite, that throne happens to belong to someone else, but this concert? Close second. Man, the energy, the music, the crowd, the fact that they have someone announce them…all of it is beyond perfect. And the fact that I the idiot am walking around the stadium foolishly thinking I'll get to ''randomly bump into Mick Jagger like he's some local wanna be singing in a bar'' and then it actually happens? Seriously, there I am walking around, a huge Mercedes with tinted windows pulls up, window down, Mick Jagger with a huge fucking smile sitting inside, vaving at fans. Did I happen to react? Smile back? Anything? Fuck no. Got a severe case of being completely star struck and frozen solid. You guys! It was Mick fucking Jagger. The best part just might be though that I call home telling family what happened and all I get is ''so? Just some old dude who cares''. I live with animals I swear.

Right back to the stud thing. Mick on stage is nothing if not sexy as hell. He has this energy, this sex appeal, there's something about him that is just to die for. I'm not joking, the man is hot. No I don't give a flying fuck about how old he is. Some guys just got IT. I'm telling you guys this is something everyone should put on their bucket list and do once ''see the Stones live'', let's face it they will outlive all of us (thank god, a world without Stones is not a world I want to live in). Hoping I get a chance to see them again too, was going to with dad, some years ago, that never happened unfortunally.

So Sticky fingers is the ninth studio album by the Stones and first release of their own ''Rolling Stones Records'' label. The album is considered as one of the Stones' best albums, it went triple platinum in US and contains the songs we all know and love such as ''Brown sugar'' and ''Wild horses'' which just so happens to be my personally favourite song by the Stones, it's just so reasuringly sad and comforting at the same time.  The original cover though was really innovative for the time, showing a sexually suggestive picture of a guy in tight jeans (as tight as I wish all men wore tbh) with a zipper that yes it does in fact work. Opening it will reveal a pair of white underwear lol. Later copies though removed the zipper and just have the picture due to the damage done to the vinyl by the zipper (try storing that with your other records) and the expense itself of producing the actual cover.

Y'all know that the Franco regime in Spain actually censored this cover and replaced it by John Pasche and Phil Judes' tacky (sorry guys but it really is) cover with some ''can of fingers'' design.  Also in the 90's in Russia the cover seemed to be quite close to the original only the jeans were coloured, there's a Soviet Army belt buckle and I'm quite certain that the model is female. Come to think of it, I could use a copy of that. Must be badass.

I would easy call this album their peak, best work, whatever you want to call it. They were always called the ''world's greatest rock n roll band'' and on this album it's quite obvious why. I mean they're legends after all but this album shows why.

The record kicks off with ''Brown sugar'' which has this blues – rock feel to it. There's a lot of this blues, RNB, country feel to their music. I think the Stones always were somehow fascinated with American music. You can hear that here so well the blues tone in Brown Sugar, the country feel in Wild horses, the honky tonk (not woman lol) Dead flowers, Sticky fingers feels like a love letter or an ode to that kinda music.

Ironically the album was commercially a huge hit, but reviews were not as hot. New york times actually wrote if they were still ''relevant''. I guess it's how it always is bands fail to meet everyone's expectations. There's always some asshole being the critic. The fans are never happy either so pleasing everyone is damn hard work.

What I love about this album is actually the view into the amazing range of talent as a soul singer that is or better can be Mick Jagger. Like take a look at ''I got the blues''. Amazing. The voice, Watt's drumming, sweet perfection. And while ''Wild horses'' might give that honky tonk piano vibe the vocals are nothing but straight up blues music. Maybe that's why it's sad and reassuring at the same time. Blues is such amazing music, not just because without it there'd be no music now, but really, it's beautiful soulful music, one just has to understand it.

I think this album is actually amazing, the only thing about it that I hate is that it ends. It's wild, it's soulfull, it's packed with confidence and energy and it honestly feels like a great fuck, hitting all those sweet spots along the way. I'm not joking right now, I mean sex is great but did you even listen to Sticky fingers before?

This doesn't read as a review I'm aware, my head is probably too crowded with all the bullshit I'm trying to process to even focus on the task at hand. Take this as a long instagram picture title under a photo of a record I love.  I'll have to come back and rewrite at some point but untill then, put it on, play it, get lost in it, like I love to, because so help me jesus nothing hits quite as good as those ''Wild horses''. There's a lot of bands and a lot of albums out there but just one is ''Sticky fingers''.

Hard days.

Things are slowly going back to normal. ''Normal'' that's a funny word to use because there aint one thing about this world that is normal or okay. But for a change I am sharing some of the arts created during the lockdown times. Till the paper, pencils and coloured pencils ran out. It's funny how I have drawers full of things but once I need them they're never actually there. Never mind that things such as erasers and blenders in pencil forms are still impossible to get. Clearly I live in Agrabah.

Of course there were tons of drawings (for more follow my IG account ''purpleskylineart'') and tons of failed drawings. Sketches that I never finish. But these are some that I like. Might be that these are my favourite singers / actors / characters...or maybe just that I for once found positive aspects of my art. It's so stupid to compare your art to someone elses, sure I'd like to be as good as some hyper realistic artists, but I guess I'm just not there (yet).

These are all created with Staedtler super soft color pencils, Faber Castell color pencils (that are imposible and keep breaking and I keep cussing them out), Koh-I-Noor hardtmuth graphite pencils numbers from 2B to 6B (best pencils out there, soft, rich in color and they never break no matter how many times you drop them or your cat steals them). For fine erasing I use Faber Castells pencil eraser or a soft lint free eraser. Some shading is done with Derwents shading tool and colors are blended with Derwents blending pencil. The finishing touches are usually done with Pilots white gel ink pen.

Drawings from top left to the bottom are;

- Kat McNamara as Clary Fray from Shadowhunters
- Dominic Sherwood as Jace Herondale from Shadowhunters
- Tom Payne as Jesus in The Walking Dead
- Emeraude Toubia as Isabelle Lightwood in Shadowhunters
- Michael Hutchence from INXS
- Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron in Star Wars
- Henry Cavill as the Witcher in Witcher
- Clayton Cardenas as Angel Reyes in Mayans MC

Now if you'll excuse me, it's Friday which means I've got some hell to raise. Ironically not the hell raising we'd used to do on the weekends. The kind that country artists sing about. But a different kind of hell. It's time to protest. To get up and speak up. About everything. And mostly to stand up and support the fight against racism. I am fully aware that I can never understand how black people feel but that doesn't mean I can't support the cause. My heart breaks for George Floyd and all the rest that are too many to even list, that had to die because of police brutality that is no longer brutality but simply put murder and should be treated as such. It's 2020, it's time this shit ends. So guys, lets give them hell, enough is enough. Stay safe out there and fuck racism. 

P.S. How fucking perfect is that last drawing of my baby Angel? Spent months on perfecting it and I'm really happy about how it turned out.