Čisti dopamin.

 

Hard days.

Things are slowly going back to normal. ''Normal'' that's a funny word to use because there aint one thing about this world that is normal or okay. But for a change I am sharing some of the arts created during the lockdown times. Till the paper, pencils and coloured pencils ran out. It's funny how I have drawers full of things but once I need them they're never actually there. Never mind that things such as erasers and blenders in pencil forms are still impossible to get. Clearly I live in Agrabah.

Of course there were tons of drawings (for more follow my IG account ''purpleskylineart'') and tons of failed drawings. Sketches that I never finish. But these are some that I like. Might be that these are my favourite singers / actors / characters...or maybe just that I for once found positive aspects of my art. It's so stupid to compare your art to someone elses, sure I'd like to be as good as some hyper realistic artists, but I guess I'm just not there (yet).

These are all created with Staedtler super soft color pencils, Faber Castell color pencils (that are imposible and keep breaking and I keep cussing them out), Koh-I-Noor hardtmuth graphite pencils numbers from 2B to 6B (best pencils out there, soft, rich in color and they never break no matter how many times you drop them or your cat steals them). For fine erasing I use Faber Castells pencil eraser or a soft lint free eraser. Some shading is done with Derwents shading tool and colors are blended with Derwents blending pencil. The finishing touches are usually done with Pilots white gel ink pen.

Drawings from top left to the bottom are;

- Kat McNamara as Clary Fray from Shadowhunters
- Dominic Sherwood as Jace Herondale from Shadowhunters
- Tom Payne as Jesus in The Walking Dead
- Emeraude Toubia as Isabelle Lightwood in Shadowhunters
- Michael Hutchence from INXS
- Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron in Star Wars
- Henry Cavill as the Witcher in Witcher
- Clayton Cardenas as Angel Reyes in Mayans MC

Now if you'll excuse me, it's Friday which means I've got some hell to raise. Ironically not the hell raising we'd used to do on the weekends. The kind that country artists sing about. But a different kind of hell. It's time to protest. To get up and speak up. About everything. And mostly to stand up and support the fight against racism. I am fully aware that I can never understand how black people feel but that doesn't mean I can't support the cause. My heart breaks for George Floyd and all the rest that are too many to even list, that had to die because of police brutality that is no longer brutality but simply put murder and should be treated as such. It's 2020, it's time this shit ends. So guys, lets give them hell, enough is enough. Stay safe out there and fuck racism. 

P.S. How fucking perfect is that last drawing of my baby Angel? Spent months on perfecting it and I'm really happy about how it turned out. 

Original sin

I never hated Mondays as I do lately. The near thought of having to go out and face the world with a big fake smile, pretending that I am not fucking dying on the inside is so hard. Not just hard, it seems impossible these days. To say I had a rough year is an understatement of the year. There are hardly words to describe how badly I want it to end, but then again, what's the point 2019 will not be any better. If anything, worse. And you know what's the worst part? Expectations. People just expect me to be okay, to be normal, to move on, do something with my life, and I just want to scream. Life goes on yes, but it seems like my world has stopped and is falling apart around me and I can't take a second longer of it. I feel like that Of mice and men song ''pain pain pain''. Constantly, all the time. Every second. Everything hurts. Emotionally I mean.

People say ''you're a fighter'' and, ''you got this''. Really, I don't and I am not. I am falling apart at the seams, guess the question here is what happens when a fighter can no longer fight? You lay down your guns and surrender? And if you can't even do that? What else is there left to do?

But enough about that, this post isn't supposed to get depressing like so many of them do. This post is supposed to be about another man I have a huge horrible terrible crush on. And this one is dead. A well. Well good job Nikki no? If they aren't 50+ they're dead. A sure way to die alone with 50 cats. Let me start the post with a quote by said man that I always admired SO much…

''Q: What do you find appalling ?

A: “The American attitude towards women. The whole way they talk about sex. You know: “Lets get some pussy”. Jesus! Pussy is a great word, whenever you mean your cat, but for a woman… no! Not to speak about a woman’s genitals! They can be so stupid. Americans are not real. They fake as if they’re emancipated. An American man can sit and listen to a woman as if she is Einstein… but as soon as she turns around he whispers: “Look at her arse!” The philosophy of American men is: ‘We are prepared to do anything to get a women into our bed, even pretending to treat her as an equal.”

- Michael Hutchence (Playboy, 1993)''

You will probably know Michael Hutchence as the lead singer of the band INXS which btw I absolutely adore. Never tear us apart is one of my  top fave songs, literally I would get it tattooed on me that's how much I love it. Even if it makes me sad also, specially if I remember it was played at his funeral.

Here's another tragic story of an amazing band and musician. Michael was an amazing singer and he also died way too young. 37 only. How is life eve fair? There's a lot of conspiracy about his death too, suicide or no, it's sad and unfair, no matter what happened. And though INXS went on for a while after that just wasn't it anymore.

I'm always listening to the Kick so this one doesn't get it's turn at all but it's a great record as well. Unfortunally the one with ''Beautiful girl'' is missing. I don't have that album. Sigh. You know someone once dedicated that song to me on stage? Saying ''aparently this song is about a Nicky and I'd like to dedicate it to my Nikki''. Huge crowd, summer night, epic moment, not going to lie.

The swing is their fourth studio album released in 1984. I read once that The Swing is one of the five albums by INXS that you have to own. Yes kids, it's not all about greatest hits, dinosaurs like me actually like to own albums not just hits. Point here is that yes, this is an album you really should own if you like the band, it sounds like a record by a band that's ready for world domination. And the feeling when you listen to it is just the same.

It's always all about the multi million selling Kick and I get it that one is just…woah…you know. But really if you happen to forget just how good this band really is then The Swing will remind you. I feel like this album is where they really defined their sound. Like all the influences and everything that made the band run flowed into that one perfect sound. Really there is not one filler on this album, every single song is great. 

See thing is I love Michaels approach to song writing, sure he knew how to be a drizzle of darkness which I guess really explains why I love the man. Ha ha. He'd write lyrics such as ''watch the world argue with itself'' which it really does let's be honest, but thing is the very next line is optimistic ''who's gonna teach me peace and happiness?'' I would gladly, given the chance. Just saying.

INXS were super talented musicians but Michael was the star just like Queen had Freddie, INXS had Michael, he had a stage presence not many people have. I get all weak in the knees watching him parade up and down the stage looking like Jim Morrison and Mick Jagger had a baby. The man is sex on legs so help me jesus. I am really starting to think there's something in Australian water. All their men are hot. Hello Chris Hemsworth? Keith Urban? I mean come on!

I think the band had potential just like Guns N' Roses to be one of the biggest bands on the planet if things didn't play out like they did. They were mega stars for a limited time because honestly try as you may but without Michael the band was just…I don't know like Earth without art is just eh. You know what I mean?

I won't disect and talk on end about this album, it's a great album as is. They created a new type of Rock n roll with it. In a way it's a party album. The entire record is up beat and fun. Music you can dance to. Fun and catchy and the funny party is that this was from a time they weren't world wide mega stars and this is one of their best works anyways.

For me, all you have to do is put this album on, let the first song ''Original sin'' play and be like ''yeah that's it. Right there. I'm sold.'' They are that good.

So in that spirit, go play some good music and I do hope you have a bearable week.

And the stars look very different today.

''I, I will be king and you, you will be queen, though nothing, will drive them away, we can beat them, just for one day. We can be heroes, just for one day. And you, you can be mean, and I, I'll drink all the time, 'cause we're lovers, and that is a fact, yes we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing, will keep us together we could steal time, just for one day, we can be heroes, forever and ever, what'd you say?''

Sometimes I'm such a cliche. When someone says David Bowie I only think of one song. My favorite one. Heroes of course, even though through his career he recorded so much great music.

Did you know that till now his record sales were estimated at around 140 million albums worldwide, which made him one of the worlds best selling music artists. In the UK alone he was awarded nine platinum albums, eleven gold ones and eight silver ones. Not to mention he's been in the Rock n roll Hall of fame since 1996.

And he started out by studying art, music and design before taking on a professional career as a musician. I think what I like about him is his experimentation. There was nothing ''by the book'' or ''boring'' or ''normal'' about David or you know Ziggy Stardust. How cool is the collaboration with Queen ''Under pressure'' really? Two such amazing vocalists together. That song makes the hair on the back of my neck stand. I heard a stripped version once with no music and it's not just amazing, it's AMAZING. Just like Prince I always wished that maybe someday I'd get to see him live but obviously that didn't happen, David's last concert was at a charity event in 2006 but actual touring stopped in 2004.

He never gave up on music though, up to the last moment he was a singer. Blackstar was released in 2016 and he died just two days after. I gotta say I was rather shocked. You know how Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix all died just months apart? This felt like a Deja vu. Prince, Bowie and Lemmy. Horrible.

I was just listening to this album this morning and though it would make a great next post. I think that out of the three albums I do actually own, this one is the best one.

Bowie's most commercially successful album to date. Reaching number 1 on both sides of the Atlantic. Am I being a cliche again if I say I love it? I don't know sometimes aparently I'm into mainstream and popular stuff too. Rarely, but it happens. It also happened that he despite being a pop musician is one of my favorites. Let's face it, I can't stand pop music but I love him and I love Michael Jackson.

Let's dance is a great album, but I find it hard to imagine now how people felt when this album came out. Despite his comeback being eagerly awaited, it was literally out of nowhere and the general pop loving crowd loved it while die hard Bowie fans were not convinced, I mean this record may had given him this new ground breaking sound and popularity he was after but it's kinda...I don't know ''normal''. It's hard to pin point exactly what it is, but comparing to the prior releases this is completly different. If you look at how hardly the fans were waiting for it I understand why there were some that were disappointed. They knew Ziggy Stardust and suddenly there's just David, smiling, bleach blonde rock star.

He worked on this album together with Nile Rodgers and as coproducers I think they really complete eachother. Scary monsters was great but it was also a bit of a one way street. So Let's dance was really a step up. The song Let's dance itself is fun, upbeat, pop, that 80's dance vibe. Which is probably also why this was his fastest ever selling single, reaching top charts pretty much everywhere. David is using a different type of singing on it, which is what I think is so great about him, he can sing in so many different styles. Like ''Modern love'' for example, he said that the song was inspired by Little Richard and that he used his ''rock voice'' for it. And he pushed it to the point where it almost sounded a bit strangled or strained if you will. But just think about it for a second the man is a genius, so many styles, so many ''voices'' all in one singer. Amazing.

China girl is on this album also, I love that song to be fair. I love how it starts simple and cheery and like a pop song and then slowly turns into something different, much harder and darker. Did you know that China girl is recycled material? It was originally a song Bowie wrote for - with Iggy Pop on the artists 1977 album ''The Idiot''. Who names an album ''the idiot''? Wait maybe I'm missing something here, this is probably kinda like Green day's American idiot, though to be fair despite being released in 2004, American Idiot's full potential is showing now, with an American Idiot sitting in the White house.

This entire album is great don't get me wrong but there's three songs that I feel are worth the price of an album and I know that is about the most over used thing a music blogger could say but it's also true. Those songs are Without you, Shake it and Modern love. I think these songs are something else, the lyrics are far more bold just because they're so damn simple they make you ask what the hell was he thinking. Hinting at simple mindedness? Hah. I really can't tell.

''Modern love gets me to the church on time, church on time terrifies me''

What do you think he was trying to say with this? That he doesn't want to progress with the modern world? Is it about trying to stay stable in an ever changing world? Is it about a man who is very much fearful of a romantic relationship and commitment? You know what I think it's about? I think it's about growing up, facing these new responsibilities that let's face it can seem scary at times. I love that little growl on this song too.

Sometimes we look for deeper meanings in songs that don't really have them. Sometimes two people understand a song completly different, but at the end of the day, does it really matter? Aren't we all allowed to have an opinion? Without you is pretty simple to understand though, and it's the simplicity and the honesty that I love, like a simple retro song ''I want you to want me'' bam end of story.

''Just when I'm ready to throw in my hand, just when the best things in life are gone I look into your eyes.

There's no smoke without fire. You're exactly who I want to be with. Without you, what would I do?

And when I'm willing to call it a day just when I won't take another chance, I hold your hand.

There's no smoke without fire. Woman, I love you. Without you, what would I do?''

Wouldn't it be great if more things in life were quite as simple? And then you've got Shake it. The vocals alone are something else on that one and the lyrics ''I could take you to heaven, I could spin you to hell but I'll take you to New York, it's the place that I know well.'' totally cool. Shake it is like the final straw, one last thing that ''killed'' the pretending. It's like, he spent so long up to that point behind masks, an alter ego, a different persona and here he just let it go, here he was simply David.

Album ends in the best way possible, with the lines "When I'm feeling disconnected, well, I sure know what to do, shake it, baby.". A line to live by to be serious. We should all learn how to let lose sometimes, take things easier, less serious, enjoy life, sing like nobody is listening, dance like nobody is watching. You know what I mean? Bowie was on to something here.

At the end of the day, the album has some flaws, second side is not nearly as good as the first and the song Ricochet feels like trying too hard. Never the less the album was number 4 on the charts and Bowie's first platinum selling album even if later sales of older albums surpassed that. And also as a fun fact this album is one of the earliest recordings of Stevie Ray Vaughan. He said yes to recording with Bowie without even knowing much about his music. Hah.

Either way, I find myself enjoying this record anytime I spin it. It's cool, it's fun, it's different, David cut the crap with it. So, guys, put it on and Let's dance.

''I don't know where I'm going from here but I promise it won't be boring.''

Artist.

Well I'm burried to my neck in studying, and the only break I took in between was to watch the Ghost asylum. I am not excatly sure why I do that. Despite being a none believer it scares the living hell out of me. And I could rant about the protests in America the other day. How amazing I really think they are. How happy I am seeing all my favorite band boys supporting women in their march and I will trust me on that. I will give you a full report on Friday, as for today, my arm is a little ''broken'' it's a little late and I'm a bit too tired, I want to give that post justice and it wouldn't get it today, so instead let's call today ''artistic monday'' and enjoy some of my work instead...

Here's a little work in progress of my last two pieces...

Drawing in color is still quite a challenge for me *don't I just love those* but I've come a long way till now. It's not perfect of course but there is always room to improve. I do in fact like the way these two turned out...

Tools I used were standard Faber Castell color pencils, Kohinoor graphite pencils from 2B to 6B, Derwent blender and shading tool, Faber Castells pencil eraser, Pilots white gel ink pen, over 20 hours of work for each and various reference photos. Despite being far from perfect I am seeing improvment in my shading and blending colors and I'm damn proud of that.

+ Bonus, a doodle of Iron Man...

Gonna be a long week for me, work, study, work and more studying. Sigh. Take care y'all and make sure to come back on Friday when I actually talk about something that matters for a change.