I sat down to write up a sum of this year last week. Then decided against it. The year has been insane and god knows what could happen in yet another week of it. Well I was right, while I sit here trying to package a year of crazy into one post, my entire house is shaking. I was already rudely awakened two days ago by an earthquake much stronger than usual, lets face it, Balkans shake all the time, but it's minor 1 or 2 on the Richter scale, these quakes lately are bad, 5 and 6 on the scale. Though the center of these quakes have all been in Croatia, us living rather close to the border, it shook us quite badly. So all my Croatian readers, mainly in Petrinja, Zagreb, Sisak and surroundings, I hope you're staying safe. Reports from Croatia are pretty ugly and I honestly can't believe this keeps happening. 2020 you guys. The longest year of our lives. 2 more days of 2020 and honestly? An apocalypse wouldn't shock me at this point.
What can we even say about this year? I can only talk for myself. It's been honestly one of the worst years of my life. It's funny that 2019 and 2018 were bad, I mean bad with a capital B, and I was so excited when 2019 ended, I literally celebrated 2019 ending, fully expecting that 2020 is going to be my year. The year I graduate, which now I obviously didn't and the year I finally see My Chemical Romance, whos concert I wished for so many years, and obviously now, I didn't. It was supposed to be the year when I finally return to my favourite place on earth after 11 years (Berlin) and again I didn't. And don't even get me started on all the things that didn't happen this year, all the cancelled concerts, all the events, all the day trips and getaways from this place…
Maybe one should focus on the positive, there haven't been too many but if 2020 taught us anything is that we should count our blessings. This year gave us two of what are easily amongst my favourite albums. One being Kip Moores ''Wild World'' and the other being Springsteens ''Letter to you''. Amazing works of art and already over played in my house if there is such a thing. Speaking of ''Wild world'' there's going to be a deluxe version with added songs like the new single ''Don't go changing'' and that's one thing I'm excited about in the next year. Not much to look forward or to be excited about but this is definatelly one of those things. (Anyone knows if there's a vinyl preorder of some sort for EU already? Also accepting late Xmas presents in the form of this preorder lol). Another album worth mentioning because it's also amazing, the only issue is that I don't have it (yet) is David Garretts ''Alive – My soundtrack''. It came out a day after my birthday and it's a perfect album (tbh all of his albums are), first because his music taste is just so on point and all the songs chosen for this record are great songs that I also love, and second, his god given talent is just mindblowing. As is his face but lets not go there right now. Lol. Also All time low's ''Wake up, sunshine''? Omg! I love my boys so much and this album is just fantastic, songs ''Clumsy'', ''Monsters'' and ''Basement noise'' are literally on replay daily here.
I can also list my artistic growth as positive. I feel like spending more time inside, basically with nothing to do, running out of books to read and tv shows to watch, I found myself spending more time on each individual drawing and giving more thought into lines, shapes, mostly shading, really made me a better artist. Sure, nowhere near the epic realism that I wish to reach someday but still, little steps towards the right direction is what counts. Specially in a year when each little victory is a victory.
You can check some of that art here.
Being stuck in my own country more or less forced me for a longer vacation at the seaside which is something I actually wished for for a while now but there was never the right time, and there was always ''so much world'' to see. IDK. What I learned during this pandemic is that despite living amongst idiots, and corrupted politicians (lets face it who doesn't have those?) I live in a beautiful country that I give far too little credit to. There are few seaside locations that I love as much as our own. Okay…I admit I never been somewhere tropical, and I've never been in California (someday I hope) but as far as Europe goes, it does not get much better.
As far as positive goes, there's been something I wanted for the longest time which finally came true this year. Venice. That was a very pleasant and unplanned surprise. I didn't plan it, nor even dared to dream about it because lets face it, my plans always go wrong in a normal setting, never mind the hell that is 2020. Venice is something I am most definatelly extremely thankful for. It was even more beautiful than I could ever imagine from pictures and I'm really happy I finally got to see it. Poveglia next? Lol. Lets pretend I am brave enough for that. What is actually next at some point is Verona and Pisa. Can y'all believe I've been all over Italy but not there? Shocking. Obviously I want one of those dumb pictures where you ''lean'' against the tower.
The no concerts part though, that one will kill me. I mean we all know I love music, obvious from this blog. And festivals, concerts, music events literally are my entire life. I wrote about meaning of music, the ''safe happy place'' on other occassions but this year felt like the rug was pulled out from underneath me in many ways, what I miss most though is that free happy feeling only a concert can give you. A cold beer, couple of friends, concert lights, loud music, no worries. Sigh. I miss that SO BAD. I shudder thinking how long the wait for that to be back to normal may be. Can't even believe that 2017 / 2018 new years, I was at an amazing concert, with friends and family. Now they are gone as well as the concerts. Sigh. Life is just brutal. And it did not take it easy on me in the past 3 years.
All in all, people are going to start talking, bragging about their accomplishments in 2020, I just wanted to say, don't feel bad guys, I think surviving 2020 is your biggest accomplishment by far. This year has been 10 years long and all it did is left me mentally and emotionally exhausted. There is not much that I'd wish for more right now than a replay of a crazy new years party with too much vodka and bad tattoos in Berlin years ago but well…you take what you can get right? So it's just going to be me, alone on the couch in a pretty sparkly dress (too pretty to not be seen at a party) and large ammounts of ridiculously expensive champagne. Trying to do both, forget this year even happened and pray to all of the gods that 2021 is not perfect or hell even happy, I just wish for normal. I am not going to wish for impossible, I will just wish for some normality. Please, just…it's been too much of everything.
''Where are you going to be for new years?'' ''Drunk''.
Now to wrap up this post I'm sharing a paragraph from last years new years post. Excuse me while I cry laugh at it…
''Entering a new decade doesn't make me hopeful or energetic, or even positive and goal oriented. All it makes me is anxious. I'm scared of another shitty decade like the past one was. In most cases it's true life is as you make it and the next decade will be as we make it but there are so many things that are out of our control that effect us directly. I'm going to focus on the good parts and enjoy them because they are rarer than unicorns. And I'm going to spend more time focusing on my art because that's probably the only thing I have left at this point. And of course channelling that one remaining positive cell in my body into a My Chem concert somewhere in Europe.''
Oh silly stupid girl and her dreams right guys? Now before I log off for the rest of the year, I know things are bleek, and there aint one hopeful or positive cell in my body left, but hell I wish you all peace, love and light in 2021. I wish you health and normailty, a life worth living not just surviving. I wish you things you wish, may be it be concerts like I do, may it be a new job, or just a drink with your friends in a bar down town. I wish you anything and everything that makes you happy. Except you Donald Trump, you're (still) an asshole. I love y'all, here's to 2021, I may be scared shitless of the future but open for nice suprises. As we'd say in Finland may everyday be ''Olla hyvällä tuulella'' which translates to ''being on a good wind'' aka being in a good mood. Lets face it, good mood is all we need.
Cheers!
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