I feel like I'm stuck somewhere between Journeys ''Don't stop believin' '' and Poisons ''Fallen angel''. Somewhere between always and never. Somewhere between being made and unmade. Somewhere between crazy and sane, walking on the line, the wire, the edge, always somewhere between safe and falling. Sounds crazy I know but also the world in 2020 is beyond crazy as well are these feelings and emotions that I'm trying to describe.
I've been sitting here going through some of the pictures from Rome from last September, some of it is that they have never been properly edited (during the process I discovered how many pictures are just fucking fantastic, yay me), some of it because I feel nauseated that's how badly I miss traveling and getting away from here for even just a quick weekend. The other day I'm staring at this meme online saying ''if you're seeing Dover cliffs then you're really missing traveling''. Couldn't figure out what's the issue. Not that I'd be travel sick for Dover or anything…turns out the picture wasn't cliffs and ocean at all but a slice of blueberry pie. Should we continiue with how I walk through town the other day, hear this super loud noise sounding to me just like a Boeing jet engine, turns out it was just obnoxiously loud pigeons. Or how I in a field of corn and a tractor or combain or whatever the hell else that contraption is, I see a concert crowd and a stage. Seriously. I feel like my brain is turning into jello.
If someone told me in Rome this is basically what 2020 is going to be like. I'd laugh in their face. Well turns out the joke is no longer funny. The whole ''what's next 2020? Aliens? Exploding snow?'' is no longer funny. I swear a space ship on my backyard wouldn't surprise me no more, I'd probably walk out and offer them some sweet tea, or actually Old nr. 7. Just being here must mean they're having a bad day.
So here we are lockdown week number…I don't know. Lost all track of time, as I said as far as I'm concerned it's still March. Can you believe that it's going to be March again in a bit more than 3 months? Fuck no. I feel like I'm writing a daily log, alone on a forgotten space shuttle for future generations to go through at some point. ''Day 82, still no signs of inteligent life, temparature fine, food sources running low, oxygene levels critical''. Don't ask me what happens after. Been living in a state of emergency, for far too long to even react at this point. In another attempt to keep busy I read another book on my ''to be read list''. Curse is though that I read way too fast and this one with half pages and doodles in between on pages (which I LOVED and made me laugh because it would be a book for my boyfriend. I always tease him that god forbid him picking up a book that has NO pictures in it) this book took me couple hours and it was finished.
( Nicola Yoon / Everything, everything / fiction, young adult, romance, mentions of sickness)
Before we continiue I've been informed that I should warn ahead that these posts contain spoilers. Sigh. I wasn't supposed to call people stupid but seriously, what else did you expect in a BOOK REVIEW post? Of course there will be spoilers, especially if I loved / hated the ending. So fair warning this post WILL contain spoilers. Major ones.
I am not one of those people who keep Salinger, Fitzgerald, Wilde, etc on their coffee table in order to seem smart to people that may visit. Mostly because I actually do read all those authors, and am actually enjoying re reading Hemingway and Poe at least once a year. But also because I tend to read light material, easy going books, and quite a lot of them. Books with cutsey romances and teen problems that can't possibly be solved yet are something we all wish we had because to the real world they just seem proposterous. I can hardly even remember at this point being 17 and my only issue a boy not returning my phone call. Yes children I am in fact that old that my friends and I would call the landline of our crush and hang up, (not stalk on facebook), and not even know why we did that. Seemed like a standard having a crush thing to do. It's ridiculous but I guess no less than a conversation between two teens I overheard in a store before this hell started, talking about breaking up because their boyfriend didn't like their last Facebook or Instagram photo. Sigh. To be young and ''likes'' are your only problem.
Point here is, this is one of those easy going books that just happens to be my fave. I love love love it so much. Though again, it says right there on the cover; ''Read it before you see the film'', did I obey? No I did not. Problem is that getting books on our end of the world is so hard and as soon as I heard that leading role went to Nick Robinson all rules were out the window. Can I just say that with longer hair and all in black in this movie he's just too cute?
Oh one more question before we get on with the book, do you prefer original covers or movie cover? I suppose you figured it out from the picture which I prefer. I think original as it should be is in fact better, though movie cover, if the movie is good is great as well. Solution? I guess I'll start buying two of each if a movie was made. Wishful thinking, getting one is a miracle. And also just realised, I have about the same number of movie cover books as I do originals.
Another spoiler alert; ''Love is worth everything, everything.''
The story of this book follows an 18 year old girl, Madeline Whittier, who is being treated by her mother for a sickness called SCID (severe combined immunodeficiency). You will understand her struggles, at least one % of it after this year. Having SCID means Madeline is not allowed to leave her house, interact with anyone or touch anything that wasn't properly sanitized. Deja vu huh? I don't know how she, and anyone else in the real world with this lives. I mean, here we are on lockdown which still allows a bit of contact and a bit of fresh air, for a year, and I feel like going insane. Living like that forever? My god.
So Madeline's life consists of her mother, a nurse and the books she reads to find comfort in and an escape. Don't I feel just the same. Actually, isn't that the reason we the book lovers love to read? That escape? Living as little time as possible in the real world, and spend our free time in some fantasy instead. Madeline's father and brother died when she was little, she doesn't remember them at all, and losing basically all the family naturally means her mother is that much more over protective over her. As the story progresses a family moves to the house next door, leaving Madeline to watch them from the window, she soon befriends the boy next door (boy next door, girl next door, somewhere between completely cliche and porno movie don't you think?) and starts messaging him online, while observing their lives, noticing that the boys ''Olly'' father is an abusive asshole. Haven't we heard that one a million times before.
Madeline's nurse Carla feels bad for the ''jail life'' Maddy lives so one day she sneaks Olly (don't worry he was properly decontaminated before) into their house so they can meet for the first time. Guess we can imagine how that feels like, when you talk to someone for so long and then meet. It's like meeting them for the first time all together isn't it? I mean pictures and words on a computer are something completely different than an actual person in front of you. The little things matter most, things you can't pick up on online. Like what makes them smile, how they tuck their hair behind their ear, off their face, biting their lips when nervous, emotions on their faces…that sorta thing. All lost on online talking. It's a shame isn't it?
One meeting turned into several, then strong friendship, then friendship into emotions, which led to Maddy running outside of her house during a particularly bad and abusive incident between Olly and his dad. Love means risking everything doesn't it? Love means doing things despite being afraid. Love means looking after someone else before you look after yourself, because you care about that person more than you do about you. Maddy's mother found out of course, which led her to forbid her seeing him again and firing Carla. Can you believe such parents? Specially when you're already of legal age? I mean I get it, parents know best and all that (or they should), but, what if they don't? What if their doing what's best, and wanting what's best just leads to permanent damage done to their children? In normal boundaries I believe children should be allowed to make their own mistakes, learn from their own poor choices. It makes me sick thinking how there's no trust in a family because kids feel like they can't share anything with their parents. Ridiculous. Yes parents aren't best friends but a friendly relationship with trust and love is far better than a silent, abusive one.
Despite the restriction, Maddy and Olly continiue talking and while Maddy's mother shows her a family picture of a vacation in Hawaii when Maddy was just one month old it influences her to risk everything, even her life and go to Hawaii with Olly. He disagrees, you know how it goes, over protective boyfriends, got one of those and I know just how difficult it can be, although cute and reasuring, knowing someone also cares about you as much as you care about them. Either way Maddy convinces Olly with a lie, saying she's testing out some new medicine that will keep her from getting sick. Anyone knows if anything of the sort exists? It's really eating at me thinking how these people with this sickness live. I wish there was something more for them too.
Hawaii, Hawaii, Hawaii. Have I ever mentioned I'd like to go too? Someday. Maybe another cliche to try out ''honeymoon in Hawaii''. I love the ocean and that clear blue crystal ocean? Amazing. Maybe not exactly run away to Hawaii like they did hah, but then again who doesn't love a good adventure. So! They land in Maui (paint me jealous), check into their hotel, do some shopping for souvenirs, eat tropical food, do snorkeling, cliff diving etc…annnnnd? Nothing happens. Nothing at all. At this point I started suspecting all kinds of scenarios why Maddy's sickness is faux. I mean, I only got mild allergies and exposing myself to the smallest ammounts of what I'm allergic to? All hell breaks lose. To think she's basically allergic to the world and no reaction? Seems surreal. That night the kids confess their love for eachother (I wish us older idiots would be just as honest and real with eachother) and end up in bed together. Don't worry parents, you can freely let your kids read the book, no graphic scenes here, it's really PG 13. Actually come to think of it, thirteen yearolds are more experienced in the matter than we are these days. Have y'all read any fanfic written by them? Damn!
Hell breaks lose a bit later when Madeline wakes up in the middle of the night in a lot of pain and is rushed to the hospital. Her heart stops but no worries, she comes back, I'd not be praising this book if she'd die. I'd burn it. I hate, hate, hate (with a few exceptions god damn John Green) sad books. Her mother shows up, brings her back home and puts her on house arrest. Joy. She has so little in her life and let's take that little from her too. Evil. At least Carla comes back to take care of her. In the process of all this Maddy stops mailing Olly, she doesn't want any contact because suddenly just this online contact, just talking, isn't enough no more and she doesn't want to miss him, or miss the world. I mean of course it's not enough, and of course you don't want to miss him, but, does cutting something / someone off, make you miss them less? I mean you're not going to cut them out of your mind, out of your heart. It's not going to hurt any less. Could it be that ignorance actually makes things harder? You know that ''distance makes the heart grow fonder''? I don't know…not having something / someone in my life, never made me miss it / them less. Just made things hella worse.
A month later, Olly, his mother and his sister move out in order to escape the abusive asshole. Huge highlight of the book for me. I mean utter hell that he leaves all but in the middle of the night with no real goodbye but also good for them for cutting that toxic life out. Some time later though, exactly what I suspected will happen, happens. Madeline receives an email from a doctor that treated her in Hawaii. The doctor claims that the ''allergic reaction'' was actually a viral infection and none of the test results showed that she has SCID *gasp*. We all saw this one comming didn't we? Over protective mother that's a doctor, that lost pretty much her entire family, Maddy running around on Hawaii and not getting immediatelly sick when taking one breath of fresh air…
So Madeline confronts her mother who of course in turn defendes herself that this is a rare condition that most doctors don't understand and that she only got her hopes up. Sure. Okay. Thankfully Maddy is not that easily convinced and ends up going through her mothers old files and records where she finds just about everything but any test results that would confirm her sickness. What she does find though is that after her brother and father died when she was 6 months old, with repeated normal sicknesses all babies go trough, her mother became obsessed with keeping her safe and just decided that she has SCID. Like, jesus christ, can you imagine that? Your whole life being a lie like this? And I mean one thing is a lie like Santa is real, but a lie that keeps you confined to your house like a prisoner for no reason? The lonliness. The missing of all normal life experiences. I can't even begin to imagine such a life. I felt such anger in that moment. Anger for Maddy. Anger because people just think they can take your life in their hands and decide what's best for you, even if parents.
So with Carlas (who always suspected something was wrong, though didn't act on it why? I mean I get it, if Carla would act there would be no story, but still…) help, Maddy finds a new doctor who helps her entering the outside world, slowly and carefully. After being locked up for so long under such strict rules, drowning in fumes of rubbing alcohol and chlorine and sanitision, despite not being sick with SCID, her immune system is compromised. Kids get sick, grow their immune system so it knows how to battle infections should they attack them again, hers never did. So in the following weeks Maddy books a flight to New York (not running away this time) to see Olly. Which brings us to the ending of the book which I just love. I would of hated it if it ended with the she's not really sick and he left his abusive dad. Okay it would be a happy end in a way but it would be…unfinished.
The thing about Maddy was that due to her faux illness all her books were brand new, sealed in plastic bags when they arrived. She would write her name on the first page, and where to return them should they ever get lost. Kinda silly, given the fact that she never went anywhere or have someone borrow them, but that silliness made the character that much more lovable. Either way along the ''who to return to'' she'd write the reward/s the finder would get should they find a book. Those were just as cute and silly as the whole thought is. Rewards were anything from snorkeling with Maddy to just simply Maddy. Why am I telling you this now when we're at the end? Because her favourite book is the Little prince. In the end she texts Olly that she's leaving him a gift in a local bookshop and that he'll know when he sees it. When he walks in, she's hiding behind another aisle, watching as he picks up her copy of Little prince for which the reward if found is in fact Maddy and just as he reads that she walks out to surprise him. Oh my god. Can my heart explode into rainbows, cupcakes, unicorns and glitter? The restarted romance is implied leaving us to decide the ending on our own. Beautiful. This is just the kind of cutsey, sweet, easy, perfect kinda romance I need in my life as a break from my life and a break from tougher reads.
What are some of the highlights of the book for me is that Maddy and Olly's relationship is just simply adorable. You know all the butterflies, and the whole standing a few feet away from someone you like / love making the hairs on your arms stand. It's a bit nostalgic isn't it? First love kinda nostalgic.
It's not at all heavy or sensationalized. God the young adult genre these days. Drugs, accidental deaths, abuse, sadness, depression, angst. Hell. Stop it. I find it sad when people say that lighter material with a cute romance just doesn't pull them in no more because it's not heavy enough. Come on. Really? There is nothing boring about love and happiness. The whole point of reading besides education is escape. You want to be lost and consumed in someone else's world. May it be a magical or mundane one point is it's an escape from your own life so why the fuck would you want that get away to be dark and depressive. This is just the right ammount of love, and cuteness and adventure to make a great novel.
Love is worth everything, everything right?
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