Friday, November 11, 2016
Alright 2016, you've made your point, now calm the **** down.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Tonight the world is much darker.
Do you remember that meteor that was supposed to hit us back in 2012? When people were freaking out that the end of the world is upon us? I wonder how that meteor is doing today and if it's interested to hit us now...
See I don't write posts on wednesdays but today I'm making an exception. I am devastated, heartbroken, worried, scared, terrified...and any other negative emotion that you can think of. I honestly can't believe this is even happening. How could America go from the first black president, one of the kindest and most intelligent men that the oval office has ever seen to a racist, xenophobic, homophobic, misogynistic, pedophilic, braindead orange reptile. I can't even believe that to this day America still hates women so much that they would elect someone with no plans, no skill, no experience, no dignity, no brain and endorsed by the fucking KKK clan win over a woman who's spent her entire career in politics. So if you need surgery you're gonna go to someone who says ''hey I think I can be a pretty good surgeon'' or to someone with thirty years of experience? I know what this is the racist white superiority. Ya'll don't care about no one but yourself. Let me tell you something if you voted for Trump, if you support Trump, you're not just against Hillary, you're against every homosexual, against every black, hispanic, non white person, you're against kids with special needs, all transgender and LGBTQ people, all phisically and mentally disabled people, all women. You voted against everyone who isn't like you a white, straight, rasict. So fuck you all of you, if you voted for him I hate you, if you support him I hate you. Do me a favor and click unfollow me, unfriend me whatever else, just so I never have to hear another word from any of you.
And to every person of color that may be reading this, any LGBT person, every woman and minority in the States or out of the States, I am so very sorry that you have to go through this. You deserve better. I truly hope that no matter what you're staying safe.
“Always aim high, work hard, and care deeply about what you believe in. And when you stumble, keep faith. And when you’re knocked down, get right back up and never listen to anyone who says you can’t or shouldn’t go on.”
- Hillary Clinton
Thank you for fighting so fiercly, with such intelligence and so much compassion and grace. Thank you.
Monday, November 7, 2016
I'm afraid.
I wrote and deleted this post a couple of times, no matter which way I take it people are going to get offended. And while I don't care about what people think, this is an important matter.
To my American readers, guys, I'm stressed enough as is, so I am begging you if you're old enough to vote, please vote. And if you do, please don't let a sexist, racist, bigoted, homophobic orange reptile win. Because if you do, you are literally putting actual lives in danger. You are putting Latino, Asian, Native American, women and black lives in danger. The gays, the lesbians, the homeless. I am terrified to wake up in a nightmare and see that he won. I'm scared that if he wins someday sexual assault, rape, ''grabbing women by the pussy'' will be a joking matter instead of condemned. I'm terrified of more news about black people, latino people, lesbians, transgenders killed. I'm terrified of the idea of Trump and his minions commanding an army. I'm scared shitless of a man like Trump in charge of nuclear codes. I know whatever I say at this point is pointless, people who support him are just too damn dumb to see what he truly is. A monster. Here are some of the things he said in the past, some of the things I just can't process and I can't even believe he still has support. After all this...what the hell is the matter with people?!
- “ 26,000 unreported sexual assults in the military, only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together? ”
- “You know, it doesn’t really matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”
- “You wouldn’t have your job if you weren’t beautiful.”
- “My favorite part of ‘Pulp Fiction’ is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. Tell that bitch to be cool. Say: ‘Bitch be cool.’ I love those lines.”
- “If I were running ‘The View’, I’d fire Rosie O’Donnell. I mean, I’d look at her right in that fat, ugly face of hers, I’d say ‘Rosie, you’re fired.’”
- “I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
- "And the girls, we're supposed to call them women, but they're girls to me .”
- "You have to treat 'em like shit."
- “I will build a great wall and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”
- “It’s freezing and snowing in New York we need global warming!”
- “The point is, you can never be too greedy.”
- “Nobody cares about the talent in beauty pageants. There’s only one talent you care about, and that’s the look talent. You don’t give a shit if a girl can play a violin like the greatest violinist in the world. You want to know, what does she look like?”
- “Pregnancy is never, it’s a wonderful thing for the woman. It’s a wonderful thing for the husband. It’s certainly an inconvenience for a business.”
- On working mothers: “An employer could say she’s not giving 100 percent, she’s giving me 84 percent, and 16 percent is going toward taking care of children.”
- Said to 14-year-old girls: “Wow! Just think—in a couple of years I’ll be dating you.”
- “My IQ is one of the highest and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.”
- “Number one, I have great respect for women. I was the one that really broke the glass ceiling on behalf of women, more than anybody in the construction industry.”
I can't even begin how racist and above all hypoctirical it really is to call Mexicans rapists when he has more then one rape charge hanging above his head. I can't scream it loud enough how hypocritical parents that support Trump really are. Why you go and teach your child rape is wrong, sexism is wrong, racism is wrong then you go and vote a man that represents all that?
''Fat. Pig. Dog. Slob. Disgusting animal.'' these are just some of the names Trump calls women. A man that wants to be a president. From saying no one would vote for his former rival Carly Fiorina because of her face to saying women should be "punished" for having abortions and "joking" that he'd date his daughter...I mean is there anything more to say? It should be enough to bury him on the spot but no, people still support him, people still vote for him, women vote for him, I can't...I just can't even begin to understand what the hell is going on. In an interview with Vanity Fair, while he was still married to Ivana, Trump said: “I would never buy Ivana any decent jewels or pictures. Why give her negotiable assets?”. Not to mention he says ''my women''. Women aren't assets Donald.
In the 1993 footage, Trump was asked about his image as a womaniser. He replied: "I don't enjoy that image. Yes I have that image. I think women are beautiful, I think certain women are more beautiful than others, to be perfectly honest and it's fortunate I don't have to run for political office.". Whatever I say at this point it's pretty much pointless don't you think? There was an interview with the ABC news, a long while back, not that that matters much, his views on the world and women haven't changed. In this interview he talked about wives and ''duties''. He said; “I have days where, if I come home and I don't want to sound too much like a chauvinist, but when I come home and dinner's not ready, I go through the roof.” In that same interview, he compared women to buildings and added that he gets bored when they become successful; “I think that putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing, unfortunately, after they're a star, the fun is over for me. It's like a creation process. It's almost like creating a building. It's pretty sad.”
There is also a book, by Carrie Prejean, she referres to a thing called the ''Trump rule'' at the miss USA pageant, which unfortunally he was a co owner of. She wrote that he had the women parade around in front of him so he could separate those he found attractive from those he didn't. She literally wrote; “Many of the girls found this exercise humiliating. Some of the girls were sobbing backstage after he left, devastated to have failed even before the competition really began, it was as though we had been stripped bare.”
And then since the horrible incest jokes never end in an interview where Ivanka was asked what she and her father have in common she said ''real estate or golf'' you know what he said? "Well, I was going to say sex, but I can't relate that to her". If you don't find that absolutely sickening then something must be wrong with you too.
Are we going to turn away from the mass outrage after he adovacted ''some sort of punishment'' for women who have abortions if they are made illegal and let's face it if he has it his way they will be. He was pro choice for a damn long time before changing positions, he now believes that the Supreme Court ruling legalising abortion should be overturned and that individual states should be allowed to ban it. His campaign said he believes abortion should be legal only in instances of rape, incest or when the life of the mother was at stake. "There has to be some form of punishment," he said referring to women who would seek to defy the ban. Then two hours later he changed his position again saying that he would punish doctors who performed abortions but not the women themselves. Okay then, that makes it all alright doesn't it? And then we got the accusations on the final debate where he attacked Hillary with;
''I think it's terrible if you go with what Hillary is saying in the ninth month you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb of the mother just prior to the birth of the baby. Now, you can say that that's okay, and Hillary can say that that's okay, but it's not okay with me. Because based on what she's saying and based on where she's going and where she's been, you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb in the ninth month, on the final day. And that's not acceptable.''
Just in case you skipped biology in school Donald, let me point out that at nine months it's not an abortion, it's called giving birth.
And then you've got the one thing that probably shocked me most. I am still horrofied and disgusted and I just can't even process that it actually happened. There was a video in which he discusses ''grabbing women by the pussy'' he said that ''when you're a star they let you do it''. He actually bragged about groping and trying to have sex with women, including married women. Is this what we're teaching kids now? That sexual assault is okay? That groping women is okay? Are you for real?!
Now putting the fact that he's a horrible, sexist, racist human being, if we can call him human at all, let's take a look at the fact why he'd be a terrible president. You know how there is a saying that a ''president is only as good as his advisors''? Now tell me who could and would that is advise Trump. The only thing he knows how to say is ''you're fired''. He's used to doing what he wants, getting everything he wants and being the boss of his own company he was calling all the shots. He doesn't listen to nobody and he sure as hell didn't listen to anyone on his campaign so far when they told him to tone it down. Now imagine would he listen to army advisers, would he listen advice about health care, military, foreign policy the economy? Do you want a man with thin skin and mentality of a five yearold in charge of important desitions? Do you want him in charge of powerful weapon? Do you want him in charge of anything?
What does Donald actually know about politics? He's been spouting hate and racism all over the place but not offering any solutions to anything. And what was his first campaign policy? A bloody wall to keep Mexican people out of the U.S. Putting the fact how racist that really is have you even thought about how impractical it really is? Or insanely expensive? And he plans to charge the Mexican government for the cost of it? Are you absolutely insane? Though you know on the end of the day if it ever happens Mexicans could be glad they would have a huge wall separating them from the bloody psycho. Touching other important policies he said he plans to kill Obama care and replace it with ''something amazing''. Yes. Of course. I bet that's something to look forward to. Specially after Obama finally managed to do something when it comes to healthcare. Let me point it out, health is a basic human right, a priority, it shouldn't be a privilege. While we're talking about politics. He has no experience. He has never been elected office of any kind. He never before gave political speeches. So why on earth, WHY, would anyone asume he'd make a good president? I'm not saying he's not a good businessman, obviously he has to be having built the empire that he did. But for the love of god the White house is not Wall street. Do you think he knows how to deal with Democratic counterparts? Do you think he knows how to give speeches about things he doesn't care about like the poor, the homeless, education? Yes, he doesn't care. He's a shameless self promoter and that's all there is to it. He himself said it that a huge plus of his campaign is the fact that he's rich, if something has to be paid he can pay it himself. Oh, I'm sorry, I had no idea that a thing such as presidency can be bought these days. Sorry. My bad.
We all know about Trumps morals, or lack of them there is, right? The United States president is supposed to be a moral person, a God fearing Christian and a devoted family man or woman. If this is true or not that's another story, but let's look at the past, Reagan failed the first time because voters had a hard time accepting that he was married for the second time. We all saw what happened to Clinton after that affair. But Trump...affairs, sexual assault accusations, ''bastard'' child, married three times, non religious, I mean no president candidate ever had personal life this questionable.
You know that politics is the art of tactics and compromise but Trump doesn't work with anyone, what does he do? He sues everyone. Over the years he's been involved in more then 3500 lawsuits that are not just tied to his business but fired at anyone who did as much as criticize him. He literally sued Palm Beach county because they refused to redirect airplanes further away from one of his estates, which in order to do they would have to relocate the airport. Now tell me please because I'm dying to know how will this man child behave in the White house? In an envirovment where you can't launch a lawsuit each time you don't just get what you want but have to actually compromise or negotiate?
So Trump has this slogan ''Make America great again''...but honestly I believe America is pretty great as it is now. A lot of what makes it great is the political progress it has made over the last century. Just look at the women's rights, racial equality, better lives for people with disabilities and transgender people. Now he threatens to undue all this with his repeated attacks on women, minorities, immigrants, LGBT comunity. All the crap he's been saying definatelly does not reflect the values USA was founded on. America is the place where people can succeed despite their background, gender, race. Obama as the first black president was a huge moment for the country. For the world actually. So now you want to tear all that down, tear everything people tried so hard to build by voting for this orangutan? Might as well say that apartheid was a good idea...then again he basically is saying just that. Nevermind.
Trump actually gone bankrupt four times. Intentionally? He claimed that those bankrupcies weren't failures but strategic decisions to help him make more money. So best case scenario he's lying and he's actually bad at business or worst case scenario, he is intentionally manipulating the system for his personal benefit. We all know how good he is at paying texes, or not paying taxes that is. And you want someone like that handle the country's entire economy? You have got to be kidding me.
Now I know Hillary isn't perfect, I know she has enough skelletons in her closet, probably hasn't been honest all the time because honestly how many politicians are actually honest? But she's far less of a threath then he is. And she's far more of a decent human being then he is. Not to mention it disgusts me how people expect her to be the most qualified woman in history while she's running against least qualified man and she still may not win. We could go on and on and on but what's the point? It's simple, fact is he has proven many many times that he would make a terrible president, there isn't one single argument that would prove it otherwise. And if you still think he's a good man, a good candidate, that he'd make a good president then please do everyone in America and the rest of the world a favor, stay home on election day, because honestly you are just not mature enough to make any sorts of decisions much less an important one such as this.
Oh and just some food for thought there was a time when Hitler was elected, people voted for him, and he turned out to be one of the worst monsters the world has ever seen. We've seen it happen and yet now when it's happening again there's a chance we'll let it. History can't repeat itself. So please, stop it.
Friday, November 4, 2016
If I didn't have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best.
''Le kaj v tvojih je očeh? Ta ples, ta led. Vse tvoje barve srca prelepe za oba. Ne morem vstran od oči preveč boli, ne morem vstran od srca bojim se da bi šla.''
- T.M.
Here's the deal. I don't do this. Like ever. I don't write blogs. I don't talk about my ''feelings'' like this. I got my ''tough guy image'' to maintain. But I'm making an exception today. Why? Fucking long ass story, but if we make it short? Why do we do crazy shit? Out of love obviously. Maybe vengeance and hate as well, but this one is all love. We've both been strugling lately. Life was a little crazy and a little messy. I want to tell my Queen some things she probably forgot along the way. Some things to show her that life is not as fucked up and as gloomy and as dark as it may look right now. Some things she's probably not even aware of. So sit down and shut up and let me proclaim my undying love to her, was that too much? It was, wasn't it. You can go, really, there's only one person that I really want to read this and she probably is while gritting her teeth along with ''that bloody idiot, how dares he hack my blog''. I'm sorry babe, I had to, now please, don't be stubborn and read what I've got to say.
I've been in love with this girl for almost ten years now. So help me god the first time I saw her, all long legs in black skinny jeans, combat boots on her feet and that washed out Metallica shirt. I was done for. She was 15 at the time, and I just joined the club her family was a part of all their lives. She was their ''princess'' and naturally off limits to me. Not to mention she was taken, of course she was, a girl like that couldn't possibly be alone. They were always together anyway and I remember hating the way they looked at eachother, it was pure torture. I didn't even understand it at the time, I didn't know what I was feeling, I didn't know I was jealous as hell because I fell for this girl so badly. We live in a small town, we'd always bump into eachother out on the streets, I'd see her in our bar, or in the clubhouse helping the boys work on their Harleys and let me tell you something, she'd kick all their asses when it came to fixing bikes. Or she'd sit in the corner booth in the bar, drawing, ignoring the world completly. I was so fascinated with the way her face would show nothing but concentration and everyone that dared to walk up to her and interrupt got told to fuck off right away. It was adorable really. She was nothing if not a wild child, and took no shit from no one. I remember walking up to her one day no particular reason, let's just say I grew a pair and finally decided to talk to her. Or better yet stole the waitress her drink and brought it over myself. She was drawing a portrait of Keith Richards, the very same portrait that is still framed on the wall in my office, focusing on every little line and wrinkle on his face. I told her it looks amazing and she looked up at me, grinning, saying thank you. I thought I died on the spot. Literally. That smile, shit, it makes the sun look pathetic. Which is why it's breaking my heart that I see so little of it these days.
We met ''officially'' a week later, another long story and a missunderstanding that had us both handcuffed and thrown in the back of a cop car. I know I should be worried but I wasn't. I was fascinated with the way blue lights were glowing in her bright eyes. She was so mad, going all wild child on those coppers. He pushed her inside where I sat cuffed grinning like an idiot. She goes ''oh you're here too?'' smiling a bit. I told her my name and she said ''cool, I'm Nikki, like the rockstar'' and I was done for. Done. That's probably the moment I knew there was no going back. She sat next to me sassing the cop each time he asked her anything and humming Metallica songs to annoy them even more. And if the situation wasn't too perfect, us sitting there together was beyond perfect. A month later was her birthday month, I ran into her downtown, her lips painted with a bloody red lipstick that made them look even better if that's possible and a little puppy in her arms. I remember that day because that was the day she was happiest. She adores dogs and getting one as a present was probably the most thoughtful thing anyone could of done for her. Which is by the way the trick I used. She has no clue but I kept bringing my dog to work because of her, not because I had nobody to look after him. I enjoyed watching her eyes sparkle when she played with the dog. It was beyond perfect. There was nothing ''girly'' about her at the time, actually there still isn't. She's always in skinny jeans, combat boots and leather, and her hair changes color every 3 months but so help me god nothing is sexier then those jeans and those washed out band shirts on her. There was a night I remember so well. She sat at the bar drinking whiskey shots, her eyes red and watery and I felt like my heart is being repeatedly stabbed. I couldn't stand the idea that something was hurting her this much. I remember when she suddenly left and I ran after her watching her look for her car in confusion. I asked her if she plans on driving like that because I knew better, she would never do that and she told me why not there's nothing more that can happen to her now. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. Just those words alone killed me. I walked right up to her and took her car keys, we were so close I could smell whiskey and perfume and it was intoxicating. My head was litterally spinning. I felt like a complete idiot. Sweaty palms, head spinning, stuttering? Not much of a tough guy huh? I told her I'd drive her home and she told me no because she doesn't want to wake up in my trunk as a skin suit. That still makes me laugh. She did give in eventually though and I took her home, carried her into bed. I remember staring at all the band posters on her walls. She loved all the same music as I did. Even some local bands I didn't imagine anyone but me knew. The room was so her I never wanted to leave, messy clothes and guitar picks littered all over the floor, vinyl and comics in the corner, a guitar in the other corner and not even a square inch of wall free, all covered in posters, photography and drawings. Her own works. I had to be staring at it for like an hour, amazed by her talent and even more so when I noticed she had a picture of us together on the wall. A picture I had no idea was taken. Crazy how things turn out huh?
I remember walking into the club once, guys yelling over eachother, threaths and curses flying around. I had no idea what the hell was going on, till I walked into the back office looking for the president who sat on the couch with her. Her lip split open and I felt such rage. I wanted to rip someone's vocal chords out. I couldn't even understand why someone would hurt her, every single part of me was screaming at me to keep her safe to protect her from all and any harm and there it was an obvious reason someone didn't share my opinion. She can push your buttons, and make you mad, and hell you'd want to rip your hair out sometimes when you can't make her stubborn ass see something from a different perspective. She's wild, she's irrational, she's impulssive but it's challenging. You never know what's going to happen next and that's what's the best about her. You're never bored. That's why I couldn't understand. Why would anyone want to hurt her? If only I knew then that things are never as black and white as they seem. It's amazing though, all her teen years and later people always treated her badly. People she'd call friends. It's crazy. For someone so intelligent and smart and amazing, she always managed to find the wrong set of people to hang around with. There are some things I just can't make her see, she's not meant to be an obediant sheep, she's not meant to fit in, she's special, a leader not a follower and letting people change her is literally the worst thing she could of done. I wish I could make her see that she doesn't need to be something she's not to make people like her, those who do, and those who matter will love her for her. She deserves so much better then these idiots around her.
And I remember that night. I wish I could wipe it out from both our memories. I never ever want to feel like I did then again. I sat in the club working late when I heard about an accident, her license plates, three people have died. That's what they said. I wanted to die on the spot so I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore. That whole week was an emotional rollercoaster. I didn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I don't even remember crying like that ever before in my life. That's how everyone found out how I felt. Well that and the doctor asking if any of us share her blood type and I told them I do and to take all of it because I don't want to live if she doesn't. It was a shock for all of them. And me. I didn't think the time will come when I'll actually tell them, tell anyone, say it out loud even. Saying it out loud made it real. I expected any of the guys breaking my jaw on the spot, but they were silent, nobody said a word. I was by her side the entire time and her first words to me after she woke up were ''why are you crying?'' boy was she oblivious. You had to spell it out for her. But that wasn't the right time for that. I had to tell her the bad news because I couldn't stand the thought of her hearing it from some stranger. And it was as bad as I imagined it. I knew it wasn't my fault but I felt like I was the one who broke her heart and I hated myself for it. We broke any and all hospital rules that night, I was right there next to her while she was laying in my arms and I felt tears soaking through my shirt and it was hell. I was in hell. I wanted to take all that pain away. I wanted to take it on me. Anything just to stop the sadness in her heart.
Things were as hard as you can imagine after that. We were friends more then anything, it wasn't the time to be involved any other way. And that was alright. I wanted nothing but to be close to her. Any kind of close I could get. I never stopped feeling guilty. Hell I feel guilty now. I know, I fucking know what happened wasn't my fault, but I wanted him out of the picture so bad but never like this. I saw her entire world falling apart and it was tearing my heart apart. It made me do crazy things, like keeping distance, I wanted her as far away as possible. I knew I wasn't right for her. She deserved so much better and with my position and lifestyle, I could never ask her to live like that even if I knew I'd give it all up for her. I fell in love with the way she loves her music, and her art and cars and bikes and animals, completly, totally, unconditionally and irrevocably. Well it slipped out one night when she came out after a long time and I kept my distance we got into an argument she'd tell me ''Why are you being such a dick? Why won't you even look at me?'' and I snapped at her ''Because I'm fucking in love with you''. I regreted it and I was relieved at the same time. It shut her right up she stood there staring at me, eyes wide, uncapable of forming any words. It was adorable and crazy at the same time, I couldn't believe she never even suspected it.
We moved slow from that point on, she was afraid to trust anyone, hell to love anyone else and I didn't want her to feel preassure. I didn't want her to think I'm interested in a little wham bam thank you ma'am, when in all reality all I wanted was waking up together every damn morning. The whole marriage, kids, white picket fence bullshit Americans have. Not like that would happen, she's not a ''desperate housewife'' as she puts it. But we're working on it. Not that it matters, just having her heart, having her love me as much as she loves me, more then I deserve in the first place, is enough. I would never need anything more in life as long as I have that. Why am I writing this down? It's just a small tiny fraction of our lives but I want her to remember that we've been through literal hell and so much shit together already and it only made us stronger in the end. And now it's the same. Life is so fucked up and future is scary but we're not alone. I got you, you got me and baby that's all the ''back up'' we need. No matter how hard it gets we're going to be alright because we're together. If I never make any other dream come true then just being with her is enough, enjoying the little things with her, the fact that we love the same music. Well, most days we do. Though honestly I even love how she'd play Nickelback when she's upset when on any other day she'd throw the radio out the window for playing them. I love how she tries to piss me off by playing country music in her car, disappointed when I help her sing along. I don't really hate Flagline, Gilbert, Urban, Moore, Bryan as much as I say I do. She loves them, I'm learning to love them. I adore watching her put on her lipstick, that bright red one, it's the most sexy and erotic thing to watch. I love the way she loves muscle cars and bikes, I love that we can talk about that as well. I even love watching her stupid tv shows with her, she's so cute when she's all upset cursing the writers and directors for torturing her favorite characters. I even love watching her fawn over Dean Winchester. Yeah yeah we get it he's hot, buff and handsome. Enough already. Hah. I don't mind it as much as I say I do. I love the little sparkle in her eyes when she talks about something she loves. I love watching her play that old beat up guitar or piano, shit she's talented as fuck. I love watching her work or draw, she gets so lost in what she does, her teeth chewing down on her lower lip, it makes me wanna throw everything on the floor and just makeout like crazy. I love laying in the back of my car with her on a summer night with nowhere to be but right there, rock ballads on the radio and my hands tangled in her hair. Fucking heaven right there. I love how in a bar if they give her a staw with her drink those straws always end up completly chewed up at the end and tucked around her wrist. I love how she tells everyone she hates One Direction but has about 5 songs on her iPod, loving them none the less. Oh, wait, I probably shouldn't tell that to the people huh? I'm sorry. Hah. I love how selfless she really is. If someone needs her it's not a question of if, it's a question of when. She's got a heart of gold and that's why people tend to use her. I love how when she loves someone or care about something she puts her whole heart into it. There's not a selfish or careless bone in her body. And it pisses me of how much crap people give her for not being a ''people person'' and prefering animals. I get it. If you're hurt and let down that many times, it's only normal that you're careful. Or more comfortable on your own. And that's alright. She's the kinda person that cares about the planet, the nature the animals in it and I love that about her. I hate people that bring her down, telling her she's wrong, telling her she's an idiot. She's not, fuck all of you. We should all learn that not two people see one thing the same way. We have different perspectives and that's alright. Except those of you who put others down for being different. That's wrong. I hate people giving her shit about her life, her desitions, her art, her appearance, her hair, her clothes, her lip rings, her ink and most of all I hate people that give her shit about us. I fucking hate it when they tell her I'm using her, abusing her, lying to her, cheating on her. Saying that I never loved her in the first place, that she's just a play thing to me. I know she knows better but I can't scream it loud enough, I would never hurt her. I would rather chew off both of my arms then hurt her. She's my entire world. I was in such a dark place before I met her. I was bitter, I was always angry, I was playing with women I confess, because none were her. None were the one. I honestly wasn't even living till she came along and made my life worth living. And the truth is that I love her more then I could possibly love anything in this world. She's the Sam to my Dean, the Sally to my Jack, the Jack to my Alex, my Khaleesi, my moon and all the stars combined and most important my rock. When everything is fucking upside down and wrong I can rely on her to be there for me and make it better. At the end of the day, people don't matter only we matter, they're jealous and they're bitter and mad at what we have because it's perfect. They like to pretend to know what's going on in our lives, they pretend to know us but they probably never will. They don't know what keeps us awake at night or how we hate that stupid Teena Marie song but sing along to it anyways. They don't understand why she loves her stupid favorite band so much and why I'm so grateful for them. They don't know our favorite places in the city or where we ''hide out'' to be alone. They don't know why those shredded red Converse she keeps in her shoe closet but never wears again mean so much to the both of us. They don't know why we always avoid certain streets in our city and they don't understand how much mean comments actually hurt her. She acts all tough but cries when nobody is around. They don't know why we enjoy paintball or how she kicks my ass in it just like in Call of duty. She's scary good. They don't understand that we're perfectly happy on the couch, all tangled up reading a book or listening to one of our many records. There's no lack of intimacy because this is intimate too. They don't know that we actually enjoy tearing Harley's apart and putting them back together again. They'd say she does it to make me happy but that's not it at all. They don't know that I'm not dragging her to see Marvel movies with me, we both enjoy them and they don't know I go see stupid romantic chick flicks with her as well. Because why the fuck not? They don't know how our favorite season, music, food, city it's all the same just as our fears and dreams are. And most important they have no idea how much I love her. They say it's just a fling, they say it will never last, but look at us, years later, still going. They're all wrong, I love many things but nothing compares to the love I feel for her. I'd give up everything I own for her in a heartbeat and still be the happiest man alive. She's my Queen, the only thing and everything right in my life. The only thing that matters, there's not a thing I wouldn't do for her. Nothing I wouldn't do to put a smile on her face and keep it there. Love can change us, I used to be different, god forbid saying out loud how I felt, or kiss a girl in front of my ''people'' but now I don't care, I don't care who is looking, who is around us, I am proud to call her my girl and sure to let her know. Fuck I adore that girl so much, she's my wonderwall, my very own Halley's Comet, the light in my life and all the fucking colors in my world.
Doll, I'm so sorry for hijacking your blog but love letters are so passé aren't they? I know this is a huge blow to my tough biker exterior and the guys will have shit to say for years but guess what I don't fucking care. I'm not ''tough'' when it comes to you. I love you, I'll always love you, forever and a damn day.
G.R.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Trick or Treat?
Monday, October 24, 2016
The day will come when you won't be.
The walking dead...that was the most brutal, violent thing I had seen in my entire life. I am not sharing spoilers in case you haven't seen the premiere yet all I'm saying is that I am shocked. Completly, totally shocked. Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Negan? So fierce and so evil. And it is a little hard watching him in this role. Though he brings him to live so well I can't imagine anyone better for the job. I am just...a little shaken up not going to lie. This was just...a little too much. I feel traumatized and I feel like they went a little too far with the violence. It was just too brutal. This was wrong. Way too wrong. And I will have to seriously think if I will continiue watching or not. I am still shaking all over I was NOT ready for this even if the clif hanger kept me nervous and wondering for almost six months. I am not getting any sleep tonight am I? Gonna sit here wondering what the hell just happened. I know I know it's not real life, just a tv show...save it. I've heard enough about it already, those of you who understand...my fellow TWD family...here's a big hug...lord knows after this we need it...good night guys don't let the zombies bite.
Friday, October 21, 2016
Equality is a lie.
Today is not a good day, not phisically and not emotionally. I feel completly and absolutely drained. Might be the weather might be the fact that I feel as sick as a dog, might be that I am completly exhausted. I don't know. Everything feels wrong. Which is probably why I wasn't paying attention to what I'm doing all day, nearly crashed the car, it wasn't my fault but my reflexes were slow and let a blog post on that I never should…some of you read it and I'm sorry, it was highly unprofessional to let something unedited and most important private ''leak'' on the blog. I should probably keep away from anything and everyone on days like these, I am literally a disaster waiting to happen. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep. All day, all night, all week…I don't even have the energy for drawing which you all know is something I love to do most *sigh* I hate this feeling of hopelessness.
I suppose tired and mad and aggravated brings out the worst in me. The worst I should never even let out. Or at least keep it private. So let's try this again. If the previous post were my unedited thoughts, a small fraction of it at least, there's a god damn storm going on up here I swear…this one will be the way it should be.
Let me explain the matter calmly. I can't stand the bullying of women the church is doing in my country lately. I can't stand the bullying of women Donald Trump is doing. These so called ''children of god'' protesting in front of the hospitals…this is bullying, this is harrasment and it's down right wrong. No woman that decides for an abortion does that light hearted. No woman takes the desition lightly. And no woman does it for no reason. Whatever the reason may be, it's none of anyone's business, not her parents, not her siblings, not her friends, not some random strangers on the streets and definatelly not the churches. Abortion is not wrong, a woman that decides for one no matter what the reason might be is not a bad person. A bad person is the one telling her that. Nobody and I do mean nobody should have the right to mess with a woman's body. What I or any other woman do with our own bodies is our own problem. This sounds just about as stupid as the church or anyone for that matter putting out a law against tattoos, I don't like them so you shouldn't get any. Just as stupid. I am honestly a little disgusted and a little creeped out. I mean when I see a middle aged man protesting against abortion I'm creeped out, he basically thinks he has a right over your body. A man you've never met, never spoke to…it's creepy. Let me just point out here that a fetus does not have rights, it does not feel, it is not self aware. There is a thing called bodily autonomy which is the right to your own body, to decide anything and everything regarding your own body, which is why a person can not be forced to donate organs even after death. A fetus doesn't have this right but a woman does, so if she doesn't want a fetus using her body it can't. Taking this right away is basically giving a corpse more rights then to a woman. Thing is, this shouldn't even be up for a debate, women always had abortions and always will, the only thing that's in question now is will it be safe or will it be done ilegally endangering their lives as well? You can be against it, it's your own damn right to feel as you feel but you can't tell other people how to live, what to do or take away their right of choosing what's best for them.
Then there's another thing, not conected to prior but just as aggravating. Society's views of women. Society and privilege. The point of this post isn't to make anyone feel bad or lash out that what I'm saying isn't true or that I'm making stuff up, this is just me expressing my mind and my experience in this world I live in. Not earth, but the secluded area I call my world. Privilege isn't a problem, everyone has one. Hell even I do. I think. The problem is understanding that privilege and working together towards equality for everyone. I'm not saying you never had to struggle or work or god forbid that everything was handed to you, it simply means that some things were easier that there are things you will never experience. White people will never understand how black people live. How they are treated. Straight people will never understand the challenges of a LGBT community. Regular people will never understand the struggles of trans kids and men will never understand the female troubles. No I am not talking about periods.
I'm talking about things such as safety. Safety is a privilege most men take for granted. But of course, they don't have to walk in groups at the end of the night. Or cary self defense items such as pepper spray around. They don't worry about what to wear or where to go in order to be safe if they're out alone. Or cringe everytime a car passes them, worrying someone is going to yell something disgusting out of it or honk at you.
I'm talking about things such as ''beauty standards''…Why do men look good without makeup? Because society hasn't told them they look bad without it. I am not a fan of tv, magazines, internet and everyone else teaching young girls that skinny is beautiful, makeup is important…so on and so on. I don't like being asked if I am sick when I leave my house without makeup on. I don't like it when all magazines really do is tell women that in order to be beautiful they need to loose weight. All women are beautiful. Curvy, skinny, fat, white, black, tall, small. Every.woman.is.beautiful. The end.
I am talking about things such as employment, how is it fair that men and women don't have the same chances? How is it fair that in a world this evolved there are still so little women in leading positions? How is it fair that at the end of the day women are still payed less then men for the exact same job? How is it fair that women make less money but are expected to pay more for basically everything? This is a real problem, it's called the ''pink tax'' look it up.
I am talking about things as expectations. Why are women just supposed to become mothers at some point? Why does society just asume every woman has to have kids? Why a woman deciding on a career instead of family is such a weird thing? Why is a womans entire being questioned if she says she doesn't want children but a mans masculintiy never is?
I'm talking about things such as clothing. This one may be a little silly I agree but I really hate it when guys clothes have these inspirational sayings on them ''be your own hero'', ''think outside of the box'', ''be adventurous''…and girls clothes have ''pretty'', ''hi'', ''gorgeous''…I mean alright a girl likes to feel pretty that's true but it's a little silly. It's like expecting from women to just be beautiful and from men to have all the fun. Actually never mind that why should these shirts even be separated? Can't a girl be her own hero and a man feel beautiful too?
I am talking about things I deal with daily. Why is it that when a man gives his opinion he is bold and brave and when a woman does it she's a bitch? What for? Are they not doing the exact same thing? Fighting for what they believe in? So why does one opinion matter more? It doesn't even matter right now, wrong or right, every person is entitled to one and gender shouldn't make a difference.
I am talking about women's fear of saying no. A woman doesn't owe a man anything. Not a date, not sex not even a conversation. But women are afraid of saying no and that is a problem. When a man says no it means no, when a woman says no it's the begining of a negotiation and that is a problem. A problem when saying ''I have a boyfriend'' is the only thing stopping a man from making a move on a woman because they respect another man more then they respect a woman's lack of interest or just a plain no.
I am talking about the problem where men are supposed to apologize for being weak and women apologize for being strong. The problem where one tiny mistake makes it a stereotype. A woman can't park sideways? All women are bad drivers. A woman spends 20 more minutes in a store? All women are shopaholics…things like that.
I'm talking about things such as this…
''It is illegal for women to go topless in most cities, yet you can buy a magazine of a woman without her top on at any 7-11 store. So, you can sell breasts, but you cannot wear breasts, in America.''
— Violet Rose
In the situation we are in now there is no such thing as equality. But to be honest that goes both ways. Men that show emotions are instantly viewed as pussies. What for? There's nothing wrong with a man that can cry. Men are victims of domestic abuse as well. Men can get raped as well. Because a woman's word always or at least in most cases overpowers a man's when it comes to rape there are probably quite a few innocent men in prison right now and women should also be held responsible for false accusations. Men can like the color pink and do things women like and shouldn't be mocked for it.
And the same goes for bi, gay, trans, white, black or any other women and men. Until we are only pro life till the baby is black or gay and until such petty things divide us, can we really say we are equal? Gender, skin color, sexual orientation shouldn't even matter. What should matter is who you are as a person, your beliefs and your actions, those are who define you, that is what makes you you. There is no reason, not even one damn reason on this planet that would make one life matter more then the other. That would make one person more important then the other. We are all made the same and we should all have the same rights, the same opportunities. We all deserve the same chances, security, love, life, peace, laughter, happiness and above all choice. Whether is it ice cream flavor, abortion, question who to love, it doesn't matter the choice should be ours.
I suppose I've said about enough for the today don't you think? I'm going to crawl back to bed and feel sorry for myself, I really don't feel well. Take care guys, stay safe out there and to my fellow the Walking dead family. I wish you strenght this weekend, lord knows we'll need it. Which is also why I won't be around on Monday. The show premieres on Monday night over here and I am going to shut down all my electronics due to spoilers. Nobody is ruining that for me. Though I'm scared. And just between us, my money is on Glenn. Just because the producers said he's safe. I guess we'll see.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)