Monday, November 8, 2021

Know that I loved you. Know that it was not enough.

Can I for a change instead of whining about my pathetic life, share a song recommendation with you? It's not a new song, it came out in 2017 but it's new to me because I haven't heard it yet. It's Marilyn Mansons ''God's gonna cut you down''. First thing don't try with the ''but he's an abuser / rapist'' bullshit thing with me because then I will cut you down. I am sick to death of cancel culture and second thing you may or may not know that this is originally Johnny Cash's song. Omfg I love it okay. It's amazing. The fact that I find Manson attractive and I nearly had an orgasm on the spot with that music video where he's fucking around with Johnny Depp aside this song is amazing, the voice and the creepy vibe is just…shit it's good ok. Go check it out. While we're at it, that music video with Johnny oh.my.god. Like really I'm fine just a little dead. Would literally kill to be in the middle with them, if only just for the music video. Abuse me papi all day long. Sigh. Wishful thinking. And my beliefs aside, everybody is inncent until proven guilty and the world and people and society shouldn't always just believe women, fact is they lie. Look at Amber Herd. Lying snake. But let's not get there right now, it's Monday, that's reason enough to be upset, I don't need more crap to add to my ''wonderful mood''. 

Now since Inktober took too much time I also didn't get to finish the last book in the Shadow and bone triology by Leigh Bardugo but after picking it up again it took me two hours to get through it. Got totally sucked in and couldn't put it down. So I'm writing down a quick review. I know y'all hate whining so something cheerfull or at least closest I can get to it instead. There will be spoilers below the photo so in case you haven't read the book, consider yourself warned and stop here. 




Alright so the back cover says ''the capital has fallen and the Darkling rules Ravka from his shadow throne''. We all established there's something wrong with me by now right? So obviously this is the best and only start you need to get me to pick up this book. Obviously I was team Darkling from the start, darkness is what pulls me in and it sure as fuck didn't help they casted Ben Barnes as the Darkling. Wtf? Are y'all crazy? How do you expect us not to like them when you make them THAT pretty? Impossible. 

Straight of the bat, people complain (they always do about every book I like) about character development. That it's lame, that Alina turns weak. But for me character development was great and Alina did not turn weak, to me she is strongest she could ever be, why? Because she chose! to sacrifice everything she loved to save people, her country, to get rid of the darkness forever, no matter the sacrifice and no matter the price. That is not weak, that's bloody heroic. 

Ruin and Rising being the third and final book in the Shadow and bone series I think it really goes out with a bang and makes you excited to read the spin off series. Obviously I have all of them already but too little time to read them all. Lol. Particularly excited for King of scars. I love me some pirate prince with a ridiculous charm about him. He reminds me of someone in my life, ridiculously handsome and confident, always knows the right thing to say, always knows how to uplift people's spirits. Always perfect. Hey look at that, I don't only like the Darkling but also this light and bubbly prince. Cute. Tho in Ruin and Rising there's a brief moment when he goes pretty dark…maybe that's what convinced me. Hah. 

Serious more huge spoilers follow that will ruin the book for you, last warning to turn away.

In touch with my dark side I kept hoping there's an ending for Alina and the Darkling. Darklina? Light vs. darkness? I would love to see that story unfold, I would love to see how it wouldn't be the traditional, light has to defeat darkness but light and dark ruling together, balancing each other out. Instead of letting Alina get corrupted she brings out what's the best in the Darkling. That would actually be a great plot twist and also when the tv show comes to it I really don't want to watch Ben Barnes die lol. But instead we go for the cliche option (don't get me wrong it's still great, just predictable) nation waiting for salvation, the sun summoner broken and helpless, looking for a way to defeat the darkness. Defeat it with the third amplifier for her powers. The firebird. Well we all saw how well that turned out. I kept having this huntch when I started reading, the firebird is probably not a bird. It's a woman, it's an illusion, it's an idea. Well I was sorta right but I could never have anticipated that the ''firebird'' will ended up being Mal. Oh my god. That was shocking. Out of all people it had to be Mal. Just how cruel is that? You have to kill the ''creature'' to gain it's power to have the amplifier. Can you imagine Alina having to go into battle against the dark with Mals' bones around her wrist? Unimaginable. Which is where Alina strength shows, the fact that she was able to kill Mal to save her people. That's not weak. That's strong. 

I didn't expect the ''cruel'' joke played on her, I didn't expect Mal dying and her losing all her power. But I have to say the plot twist in which we learn that power amplified by hundreds is not in one person but in several hundred people. That is such a brilliant twist I can only applaud Leigh for it. My heart hurt for the Darkling. The heartbreak he felt when she turned ''common'' where their possible future was stripped away, when he realised he's all alone again. He was just a boy, burdened with too much power, missunderstood, alone. I can relate to too many of his problems and too many parts of him. This book also brought us the resolution of what is his real name!? Finally in another plot twist we learn it's ''Aleksander Morozova'' yes, as in Morozova's madness, Morozova's amplifiers. Thing is I expected him to be the actual Morozova not his grandson but okay. Not too shocking since they're ancient and immortal. 

I love love love this world inspired by Tsardom Russia. It's unique, there's not one fantasy world like it around. You know when picking up fantasy books with fantasy worlds you expect a Tolkien style world, elfs, dwarfs, hobbits or vampires and werewolves but you don't really expect a world inspired by Russia or Russian rulers. The flow of the book, story, story world is just amazing, it feels like it's Russian but it also feels like it's not, like it's new and different. Fantastic writing and imagination by Leigh once again. 

Another thing I love about character development here is that things are not black and white at all, bad guys can do good things and good guys can do bad things. Not everybody is perfect and not everything is always as it seems. Which is why I'm also pissed that Darkling dies. I just wanted to see him reach his full potential. Do good, be good, with Alina by his side. Sigh. But I know better than anyone that you can't force love if it isn't there. You can't force your heart to love someone if it pines and longs for another. Though it was hard staying team Darkling the entire time, some of the moments with Mal all but ripped my heart out…Mal has a way with words and their heartache is relatable;

''I would have been different too, without you. Weaker, reckless, afraid of the dark, but no matter who or what I was, I would have been yours.''

Sigh. Do you ever wonder, what you'd be like, without certain people? If things wouldn't happen like they did? If you didn't do the things you did, walk the paths you walked. If you were different. Would you be happier? Isn't this though all we want, a place to call our own and a person to call ours. Might be my hoplessly romantic Italian blood again but words such as ''I'm all yours'' will literally turn me into a puddle. 

I like Alina because it's easier to relate to her. As I said above, she is not perfect. Far from it. She does bad things too. She makes mistakes, which means that though people call her a saint, she's human. We need more of such heroes and heroines because nobody wants perfection, nobody wants picture perfect that can never do wrong. We want something we can relate to. At least I do. It may be fantasy I'm reading but even in that fantasy…people should be people. Inperfect, flawed, human. 

Which goes both ways, darkness is also relatable. It's so hard to hate the Darkling because he is relatable as well. We all love the bad boys don't we? We all love the evil in these characters (it's actually alarming how many of my faves are considered problematic or ''evil'') but I don't think that the Darkling is evil, as said above, he's just…missunderstood, he has good intentions I think. I think he really loved his country, I think he really wanted what's best for it, which is why I'm pissed the character development here ends with his death. I'd just want to see what it could be. Through the series it's a rollercoaster with him, first you're intrigued, then you're fascinated, and you're charmed, and you feel bad for him and you love him and then you hate him and then you're pissed off like I am. Maybe it's just the fact that loving darkness and evil is easier and cooler than being the good guy at all times. Who knows. But what I do know is that ''evil'' is much more complex, it has many more layers, it takes more understanding. You want to know what makes them tick, you want to peal back all their ''evil'' layers and see what made them, them. 

Maybe if Mal stayed dead there could be a ''Darklina'' conclussion but truth to be told if he was dead I'd also be pissed. Ha. I don't know I think I'd need an alternative ending because the ending that we got is perfect and I'd not change a single thing about it. Alternative one should be only for my love of the Darkling (god damn you Ben Barnes and your ridiculously charming face). I read reviews from readers that hated the ending. Hated Mal, hated him for ''only showing interest in Alina when she liked someone else''. Did he really? I didn't see it that way. I think he did always love her just never had the guts to fess up. Come on, lets be honest. How many of us do actually have the balls to tell our best friends we love them? I don't know such a person. Second reason to hate Mal was an overly feministic way of looking at things ''girls you need to give up everything to be with your man''. As in Alina gave her power away and stayed with him. How stupid is that? And what kinda idiot writes that? One that clearly didn't understand the book at all. Alina didn't sacrifice her power for Mal, she literally sacrificed Mal to save her world. How is that giving up anything for love? It's sacrificing love for everything. It's poetic and beautiful really, in a time when men wont even sacrifice the remote for you when there's a sporting event going on. Sigh. Another dumb thing was people saying the book is teaching girls to not be extraordinary, to be ordinary and common because that will bring them a happy ending. That's another dumb comment and I can't relate. I'm more than certain Mal would of loved extraordinary Alina non the less. I think the only real issue here was the fact that Alina's power was tearing them apart, people's expectations of her, and people's placement of him. It wasn't him, it was everyone around them, pulling them apart. 

Don't get me wrong I'm still a complete simp (look at that yo girl learned a new word) for the Darkling but I actually found myself loving the ending. True love wins. Always. Right? The book ends with the line ''they had an ordinary life, full of ordinary things, if love can ever be called that''. Oh be  still my beating heart. Beautiful conclussion to this story, and also bitter sweet. Alina says in the book ''I have loved you all my life Mal, there is no end to our story.'' I wish there'd be no end to the actual story, I'd wish for a few more books, I hope there's at least some ''guest staring'' in the ones I have yet to read. But all good things must end right? Well except Motley Crue. Lol. 

What I also love about this particular edition is that there's bonus material at the end. You have a Darkling prequel story titled ''The Demon in the Wood''. I wasn't particularly impressed with it but you know there's never enough of him (seriously Leigh how about you do a ''Mr. Gray'' and put out a book from his point of view? Omfg I would so love that!). This short story talks about the Darkling being just a lonely boy, before he became the Darkling. I think it's a good point of view for those that are not really team Darkling and for those that wish to understand. To see into him, to see what made him the ruthless and powerful leader that he was. To the rest of us it's just another thing to break our hearts. If you look at him purely as the most poweful Grisha, as a fierce leader, as evil, this will make you feel empathy and hurt, for him. Things really never are black and white. Shut up. I love him so much. It's not his fault after all, because how can you run from what's inside you? You can't. sooner or later you'll end up dead. I am trash for evil and villains and I would sell my soul for a whole book of the Darkling. Seriously. Just make it happen. Please. I beg you. What we learn from this tragic novella is that the Darkling or Eryk as he's called then is hunted like an animal. Hunter by children hungry for power. What it teaches us people's greed and hunger for power. It teaches us it's never enough and people will literally walk over bodies to get what they feel they deserve. Yes, the Darklings evilness definitely is a product of his environment. However cruel he is, he is because of the cruel environment that made him that way.

And you know what's funny? I don't usually read these bonus material things or previews into part two or whatever it is that people shove up at the end of the book but clearly this one peaked my interest right away. Darkling. My baby. Omfg did you know what they shot part of Narnia (which I only watched for Ben Barnes) right here, like few miles away from me? But Ben wasn't here. Sigh. So sad. I could do with some drooling over his perfect face. Lol. Oh fangirling aside, he did a movie ''Dorian Gray'', I take it we all know the story? Well I really liked his take on the story so y'all might wanna check it out. Ohhhh I need a book so bad. Dorian Gray. Just got a new Monte Cristo (so in love with it omfg) and apparently same series has Dorian Gray too. Want! 

I just made this ridiculously long. Excuse my ranting, I have too much time on my hands while trying to remove endless pictures off my phone. God damn lack of space. Do phone creators know that deleting pictures of Henry off my phone is like murdering off my children? Wtf? I need endless space. Think about that. Now before this becomes any longer and unbearable…my fellow Grisha verse fans…who are we thinking as Nikolai Lantsov in the tv series? Overly excited about that. I have like three in mind, one being Armie Hammer the obvious choice for me, the ridiculous charm in that daft Disney movie kills me each time I watch it. Or Dacre Montgomery. He killed the whole sexy long haired thing in Stranger things (Billy better be back in new season! Idk how but I just want him back) or OR Douglas Booth. Can you just imagine that? 

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a ''Ben Barnes reads thirst tweets'' video waiting for my full undivided attention. Just know if he read any of mine…well y'all will probably hear me scream. Cheers, lovelies, have a great week. 

P.S. Never doubt where my loyalties lie…(this is just above my desk).

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