Nothing makes sense anymore.

I used to know where the bottom was somewhere far under the ocean waves, up on a ledge I was looking down, it was far enough to keep me safe but the ground was cracked open. Threw me in the ocean cast me out away at sea and the waves are still breaking, now that I awaken, no one’s left to answer me.

My inside’s out, my left is right, my upside’s down, my black is white. I hold my breath and close my eyes and wait for dawn but there’s no light. Nothing makes sense anymore, anymore...

I used to sleep without waking up in a dream I made from painted walls, I was a moment away from done when the black spilled out across it all. And my eyes were made sober, world was turned over, washing out the lines I’d seen. And my heart is still breaking, now that I awaken, no one’s left to answer me.

My inside’s out, my left is right, my upside’s down, my black is white. I hold my breath, and close my eyes and wait for dawn, but there’s no light.

I’m a call without an answer, I’m a shadow in the dark, trying to put it back together as I watch it fall apart.

My inside’s out, my left is right, my upside’s down, my black is white, I hold my breath and close my eyes and wait for dawn, but there’s no light.

Nothing makes sense anymore, anymore...''

Mike Shinoda - Nothing makes sense anymore

Sometimes a band member just understands you, you know. Nothing makes sense in my life either Mike. Did you guys see his EP Post traumatic? He said about it that it's a “journey out of grief and darkness, not into grief and darkness”...

You know I always had nothing but mad respect towards Linkin park as a whole? They were never just musicians, they were always amazing people too. And then there's Mike. Gosh that man. This EP is so raw and personal so packed with emotion, the grief, the pain, the ammount of it all and him, sharing it all with us? I think that's amazing. I think he's nothing short of amazing. And so strong, god so damn strong. At that concert ''friends and family celebrating the life of Chester''...when he sang Roads untraveled and his voice broke when he sang “it’s the worst kind of pain I’ve known..”, yeah my heart was kind of splitting in two not going to lie. Mostly for him, them, all of us and some because I know exactly what he feels. I know exactly how much it hurts. It's funny how life turns out and how naiive one can be. In that very moment when it happened I honestly felt that there is nothing worse that could happen to me. How wrong was I huh?

So I sat down and listened to this EP and just let myself be sad. For all the pain Mike is clearly going through, for all the heartbreak he's going through and for myself, for all the storms and hell and heartbreak and pain I'm going through. It's so brave of him to strip his soul, sharing his pain with the fans, the ''family'', Chester was a legend, a bright light and he left such a mark on this world, a mark on all of us, those that met him, those that loved him, fans, family, friends...and I miss him terribly. His voice was the only therapy some of us could rely on, his lyrics made us feel understod, less alone, less afraid.

He would of turned 42 on March 20th but I guess the universe took him away from us, it probably realized that this world as ugly as it is, doesn't deserve someone as kind, compassionate, loving, generous as he was. Here's the worst part, thinking about all the things he won't get to see, like his best friend developing into an even more amazing musician that he already is, or his kids grow I realized why this hurts even more now. Because it hits home. It's personal.

I'm not one for big white weddings and all the fuss that goes with it, but my dad will never walk me down the isle. He'll never meet my children. He won't see me graduate or get my first big managment job. And it's just like Chester sang ''and you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair''. No, it really isn't. And the worst part is all the hell that let lose on me aside that sometimes I'm just fine and sometimes it just comes crashing down on me and it hurts like hell.

Gosh I'm sorry, this post is a mess of emotions, a mess of everything, darkness and sadness and that was not what it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be about Mike's amazing EP, how grateful I am that he's sharing his emotions and grief with us when it has to be anything but easy for him. And it's supposed to be about Chaz, the love and light and magic he left behind and let us experience in the time we had with him. This world, my world is not the same with him (them) gone.

And we love you too, thank you for everything.