Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.

I'm going to tell you a story...a story that fits far better in the blog with a title such as mine ''take a ride on the wild side''? I've done plenty of wild but haven't shared much of it. Today I decided I will. Why? Because it's pouring rain out, because I'm tired and bored with myself and because I need to shut down from recent events and certain people. Because also it's a fond memory...It might get a little explicit though, consider this as a warning...

There's a fair share of bad days in my life, sometimes these bad days turn into weeks and then weeks into months...this is something that happened after a really and I do mean really bad day. I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom crying my eyes out ignoring the world completly. It was just stress, school, family, people asking me what the hell am I planning on doing with my life, people who were young a century ago and have no idea how good they had it...well it was all too much. It still is too much but let's say I found a different coping mechanism. Nothing a drink won't fix. A drink in a shot. Or two. Or three. Moving on...

I learned that ignoring my boyfriend might be a stupid idea that day. He tends to...overeact about some things. So me not anwsering my phone for two hours straight obviously meant I was abducted by aliens and he doesn't have Fox or Scully on his speed dial. His words. Not mine. And if it wasn't the aliens I had to be dead in a ditch somewhere, trust me, at that point I wished it was the latter. He came to check on me, last thing I wanted, explaining why I'm sitting in my bathroom crying when I had no reason for it in the first place. You know that problem though, when someone ask you if you're okay and if you kept it together till that point when those words are out it's like a damn breaks and you just can't keep it together no more. Yeah well that's excatly what happened...

I remember him pulling me in his arms and we stayed in that hug for at least 10 minutes while I counted all my blessings and lucky stars in my head for having someone so caring, loving, selfless in my life. He made me sit on the couch and I just knew what follows...hell. He worries too much, I suppose I know why, he has plenty of reasons to worry when such things happen but let's put it this way I hate being treated like a child, the whole ''sit down and talk to me'' kinda way. Though it started with ''the guys told me...'' instead. They mean well god bless them but telling on people that's so kindergarden. There were things I didn't plan on telling him. Secrets...well not excatly secrets, just things, worries, all the crap that people have been unloading on me. But I did anyways. Why? I don't know excatly...maybe it's those green eyes, I hate seeing any pain or worry in them...maybe it's the fact that I relized that we're in this mess together no matter what...

Or maybe it's the fact that he listens to every word, patiently and always tries his best to help even if he can't. ''Doll, we're going to be okay, these feelings, these dark clouds, they're not going to last forever and if it all goes south then we just pack up and leave it all behind''. I admire his optimism sometimes, I wish I had half of it. I am grateful for it though, for hearing ''you're going to be alright'' instead of a long speach, a lesson, an I told you so. A simple it's going to be okay is all you need sometimes. Then out of nowhere he wipes off my face and grins at me. I know that smile, it usually means trouble. It's perfect but problematic. Hah. So he's on his feet trying to tug me along saying ''come on, we got to go, places to be, stuff to do today''...let's just say that after a moment of me whining about not wanting to move he had enough and picked me up over his shoulder. Didn't even break a sweat. Sometimes I hate that he's so strong. But to be honest despite everything those little carefree moments in a day full of anxiety and stress are worth more then gold. I asked him to put me down a couple of times and what does he do? Chuckles evily and slaps my ass...So I tell him ''that my friend is physical assault'' he only rolled his eyes and carried me to the bedroom. Hm. And tells me to sit on the bed. Alright. This could end totally different but what happened next I did NOT expect. He walkes into my walk in closet and I'm like ''what on earth are you doing in there?''. It took about five minutes before he returned. In my black mini skirt, Nirvana crop top and black shiny high heels. I literally fell off my bed, I laughed so hard. And he puts on a fake frown and goes ''why are you laughing? Just look at me. I look hot. Look at my legs they are fabulous, I'm thinking this is great for my mother's party tonight.''. His.mothers.party.ugh...

I could just die from another fit of giggles when he walked back to the closet holding the wall muttering how the fuck can I walk in those shoes. I only yelled ''you look so hot in them babe'' after him. He came back then in his own clothes, thank god, sat on the bed next to me and we sat there for a while in silence and it was nice, it's such a rare moment for us to be actually alone or just doing nothing or just staying quiet enjoying eachother's company. Then outta nowhere just like before he gets up grabbing my hand, pulling me up and I just knew. I literally knew what follows. He dragged me outside in the cold, pouring rain, we were soaking wet in a matter of seconds. And he dragged me to the middle of the garden smiling like a fool. Have I mentioned how much I love his smile? If not I'm mentioning now, his eyes lit up so perfectly. I really love that damn smile. I get all jello inside when he smiles at me. Not that he smiles often...seems like we both forgot how to do that...

Either way he pulls me close by the waist and goes ''dance with me''. And me being the fool that I am point out that we have no music. You should of seen the look he gave me. Of course, he's a singer, of course we don't need music. And he starts singing ''Bon Jovi's I'll be there for you''. Cute. We danced there in the middle of my garden for about five minutes, soaking wet and it was a perfect moment, despite the cold. I forgot about everything that worries me. Then he stops singing and stands still and just looks at me deep in the eyes and I'm gonna get all sappy but when he looked at me like that and placed his hand on my cheek pushing the wet hair off my face, the world around us just melted away. Literally. I just forgot everything. And he smiles and goes ''I'm so lucky, you know that right?''. It was just...woah. I'm the lucky one. And I love rain with him, and I love being kissed in the rain, and I just love him. Thank you for making me feel better when I'm miserable. I love you so much, words can't even describe how much.

The explicit wild part...No he didn't go to his mother's birthday party in a mini skirt and high heels. Though that would of been fun. I would just love to see her face. We were both dreading the party, him because he knew she can be ''difficult'' and I because well...I am honestly afraid she'll spike my drink with something someday. She didn't. But she might as well...she was already in our hair for coming to the party late. If I never mentioned how terrifying she is I'm telling you now. I didn't want to tease her with any PDA or give her the idea that her son is ignoring his own mother at her own god damn party, so I gave him a quick kiss and walked to the bar. Might as well start drinking early if I want to survive that. Did I point out that my hair was styled, makeup included couple of eyeshadow colors, three different types of foundation and even lipstick? No? Well there you go. Did I mention he was in a suit? Top two shirt buttons open, sleeves rolled up showing all the ink, a jacket hung over his shoulders and Ray bans on his face? It was...oh my god. Safe to say I wasn't completly mellow about that look.

Should I shorten the story a little and just mention how the boyfriend nearly took out a guy three times his size because he was staring down my very open shirt and I decided to get them apart smoothly so instead of actually jumping between them I threw a band of stage and decided to sing a song? With a bottle of tequila in my hand, I'd never done it stone cold sober.

I'm such a clam sometimes I never think, the woman already hated me and I stood on stage wrecking her party? Nice going. Let's say I started thinking when it was too late. So I did the best I could. Huge swig of tequila, called the band back, asked them for a song, that happened to be Pat Benatar's Heartbreaker and sing. It didn't turn out too bad, didn't say it was good but it wasn't a complete disaster either, the boyfriend let go of the guy he was ''choking'' so hey I guess I got the desired effect. I got off stage for a moment there, swapping spit with the man in front of his mother for a second after chorus. What did I say about thinking? I don't think. Specially when tequila is involved. Devil's drink.

I told them ''thank you Nashville good night'' and ran off stage when the song ended to avoid both him and his mother. I knew it would end badly, she'd have something smart to say, he'd feel the need to defend me and the whole thing would get out of hand in a matter of seconds. Not that it helped, while walking through the crowd I bumped right into him, who was grinning telling me that he didn't know I can sing. Neither did I to be honest. He said he loves that there's things he still needs to find out about me and would love to spend the rest of his life figuring them out. Aw. Such a sap. So I told him I have another lesson for him and dragged him outside to the parking lot. It was summer, it was hot, the air was thick with cigarette smoke, party lights and muffled music were pouring out from the slightly open doors but other than that we were alone on a lot full of cars.

I told him there's something I wanted to do all night and started kissing him but you know...the gentleman that he is he told me to stop because I am drunk and he doesn't want to do that drunk on a parking lot. Where's your sense of adventure sometimes I wonder. But the parking lot has cameras, but anyone can walk out of the club at any moment, his mother can walk out any moment. Isn't that what makes things exciting? When I look back to that night I just think of god were we stupid. Seemed like a good idea back then but right now. Not so much.

Long story short and no details because it's not that kinda blog, we were running around the parking lot, chasing eachother like a couple of love sick teenagers, acting silly and drunk on tequila and love. So he caught me, his lips on mine, back pressed against a car. A random car, the lot was full of them, in that heat of the moment none of us really cared what kinda car is it. Thing is...things got really hot really fast, a little too hot. Which you know wouldn't even be such a problem, everyone's done that in a public place at least once no? See the problem is that it wasn't a random car at all but a cop car and the cop just happened to return as we were straightening out our clothes. Bad. Very bad. If you think they have a sense of humor, let me tell you something they don't. And to make matters worse, boyfriend's mother showed up to inform him that they're about to cut the cake and they won't do it without him. Oh god. I don't think I was ever more embarrassed in my entire life then I was back then when the cop explained to my boyfriend's mother what HE thinks was going on outside and his version by the way was far worse then the truth.

Is it weird that I miss moments like that. Not THAT ONE, just like that. When it's just me and him and the world melts away, nobody and nothing matters, we have no worries or fears all we've got is love. That hasn't changed by the way, if anything I love him even more now then I did back then, what did change were our lives. So much stress, so much worrying, so much pointless drama. And for what? For nothing really. We worry and stress over things that don't even matter. How stupid is that? When will we learn to just say ''fuck the world'' and do something crazy again, even if it is making out on the hood of a cop car...

I miss life as it was more then I am willing to admit. But I am grateful that despite everything changing, what we had back then is the same and even stronger today. We were together through hell and back so this storm we're in right now, means nothing. Other people's problems with what we have mean nothing. I love you so much mon cher, forever, that's all that really matters in the end.

Enjoy the weekend guys, I hope it's nicer where you're at. Nothing but pouring rain and flooding here so if you're in the same mess then please, stay safe. And if you're out looking for some fun then be the life of the party.

Another new song. I am screaming. I love them so much.