Lemmy has left the building.

I sat here last night, writing about James but I had no idea I'll be doing the same tonight. Y'all probably heard that Lemmy of Motorhead passed away. I can't say I was surprised, just shocked, sad, heartbroken. Devastated. Completly stunned I suppose. Sad day for not only rock n roll and metal world but music in general. Motorhead and Lemmy inspired so many musicians...this is just a horrible loss for everyone. I guess this is such a shock because he seemed indestructable. In a world of chaos, they, him, always stayed the same. A rock n roll god and holy fuck we're going to miss that. That voice, that personality, that amazing person behind the music. He was one of the few remaining real rockstars, he rocked hard and partied harder, never drank water only whiskey and coke and yet behind it all was a very wise man, a man we could all learn something from. The world is going to be a lot quieter, lonlier and sadder from now on but the sky will shine a little brighter. There will never be another one like him because he was one of a kind and he'll be missed. So guys, put on Ace of spades real fucking loud make sure the neighbors can hear it too, pour yourself some whiskey and enjoy the moment in his honor, because he truly is a legend and a legend like him should be honored the right way. Rest in power Lemmy, and keep on raising hell wherever you are. Thank you for everything.

Rest easy St. James

Good morning y'all. Shut up, I know it's 7 pm. Morning for me though, I'm a little messed up after not sleeping for two nights. Long story for another time. How did you spend Christmas? I spent friday at the movies, finally seeing the new Star wars movie. I'm a little late for the party yes but holy hell was that movie amazing! Might see it again tomorrow. It really was that good! The perfect way to fight all the Christmas bullshit, go watch Star Wars at the movies. Hah. And I've spent saturday with the family. You'll never catch me repeating this out loud but it was fun. I sometimes wish we'd do this more often, get lunch together and catch up. I mean who you're gonna take your time for if not family? Even if when I had to get up early and go on a train I was more in a mood to roll over in bed, sleep, get up late and watch the Walking dead. Yes, you guessed it. A new obsession of mine. After calling it quits with both Vampire Diaries and the Originals I needed something new to keep me busy. More shows to cry and obsess over. Aren't I so smart? But enough about that, I'm only here to pay my respects to a wonderful man we lost on this day in 2009. The Rev. A great person, wonderful friend, amazing musician and a talent unlike anyone else. He's missed daily not just by his family and his ''brothers'' but by all of us. We miss you Jimmy, hope you're raising hell up there.

''Where are you going to be on New years eve?'' ''Drunk''

It's fucking friday night I should be flat on my back already what d'ya say? XD

A smart man once told me ''if you can't beat them join them''. Let's not go into details how this smart man was a rockstar and the advice was literally go with the flow of sex, drugs and rock n roll. Hah. He was right about one thing though, going with the flow. I had the best times when I stopped stressing out and just let go. It got a little out of control sometimes but hey, to be fair mistakes and bad choices often make the best stories. Which might explain why I got fucking wasted last night chugging whiskey, ''sobbing'' how life aint fair. I should be young in the 80's. When all my favorite bands were young. I would kill to see Springsteen, Jovi, Motley, Poison, Skid, Guns when they were on their prime. I'd kill to walk down the sunset strip in the early 80's. Party with those bands. Or hell if I was lucky, be able to sit and the studio and watch how the best songs, best records were put together. Had to be amazing. I'd kill to see the ''Music Peace festival'' in Moscow in 89' they had Jovi, Motley, Skid, Ozzy, Scorpions, oh my god! I'd give anything to see the original Queen at the live aid in 85'. I'd give anything to see Guns n' roses in 91' at Wembley when Skid Row opened for them. Some people say they'd go back to fix what they ''broke'', fix their mistakes, take a different path, fix what they regret. Well I wouldn't. I don't have such regrets. Past desitions brought me here, and even if everything is wrong at times I still wouldn't trade the life I have now. The people maybe but not my life. I love my music endlessly. I'd only go back to see them, to feel that vibe, to enjoy the music when it first came out, to feel the excitment, see the people, enjoy life in a time when there was no slutty pop singers ruining music, enjoy life when it didn't matter who you were music conected everyone. Everyone got together for Live aid and showed the world how strong music actually is. How it can change the world. So that is all I want. If it was possible, to go back in time and see that. There was a time when music was music, now it's bullshit. Almost everything recorded after 95' don't bother anyways it's crap. Now, since I wasn't there, obviously, and to make me suffer a little bit more, here's some of my favorite videos from these shows. It's friday, it's the holidays, let fucking loose, join me chugging whiskey on the dark side ;) but guys be smart and stay safe. Cheers! Love y'all. Happy Holidays ;)

A random note, I still believe this Queen show was the best concert ever played. Nobody will convince me otherwise.

And this is the second. Don't even try to fight me on this, you can't win.

I had never been more embarrassed of my nationality as I am today.

I said I'm starting over and making a new blog. A positive place for all the things I love and all the things I feel so passionate about but lately that has proven to be difficult. Lately it's so hard to stay positive or even keep the positive outlook on life. Last night was literally the final straw. I've been contemplating this for a while but now an idea is more then just an idea it's an actual plan. I don't want to live my entire life in this country. In a country full of hate, homophobia, surrounded by razor blade wire where the biggest problem isn't collapsing economy and politics but who loves who. I can't live in a country where the church has so much imput and can lie and manipulate people to vote in their favor. I can't live in a country filled with idiots who can barely count to ten much less make any serious desitions and I sure as fuck can't live in a country where majority thinks it's okay to decide and ruin the lives of minority. Haven't you realized by now? The church is a disgusting, greedy institution that lies, cheats, manipulates and has more ''sins'' on their own front doors then anyone else. This referendum was not ''for the children'', fuck all of you who are too god damn stupid to realize that. Adoption in this country is near impossible, there is no ''baby market'', homosexual couples won't ''buy children'', there is no such thing! The only thing that this law would change the thing that you now ruined is a chance for two people that love eachother getting married. Congratufuckinglations I hope you're real fucking proud of yourself. The only other thing you did is use children in your lying, deceiving, disgusting, dirty political campaign. To be honest you disgust me. Are we back in the middle ages? What's next you start burning women claiming they're witches? Jesus fucking christ. But good thing you worry about the children right? Good thing you don't turn the other way when kids go to bed hungry because both parents lost their jobs, good thing you don't turn around when the pedophilic priest touches, molests, rapes children, good thing you don't turn around when an abusive, alcoholic father beats them up every night. Good thing you don't turn around when there's bullying and abuse in schools from other kids, the kids you raise, the same dumb fucks as yourself. Oh wait, no, my bad. Those kids don't matter only kids of homosexual parents matter because god forbid a child having two loving parents of whatever gender. The only thing that fucking matters is you ruining the lives of 0,01% of people. Because in this country the churches influence is just too strong because there's no way one can be a family if it's not mom, dad, child. Well fuck you very much. I grew up without a dad, doesn't mean I didn't have a family. It only means I had a family different from your ''traditional'' bullshit. And so what? I turned out alright didn't I? My friend had ''normal'' straight parents growing up, parents that go to church every sunday and he turned out to be gay. Why? Because you don't wake up one day saying ''oh, you know what? I think I'm gonna be gay now, yeah that sounds like fun''. No, you're born gay and you people are just too damn dumb to realize that. And his family, ''loving'', ''supporting'', ''normal'' family said he's dead to them. But thank god he had a father and a mother growing up huh? And you call that good parents? Is that a family you want to live in, a family you want any child to live in? Jesus christ what is the matter with you? Is it really better to have rapes, abuse, alcoholism and god knows what else just in the sake of having two parents of different genders? Does it really matter who raises a child as long as they love that child and support them? But then again why am I even surprised? The majority of the people voting against; old, stupid, uneducated, religious, from the country where the only source of any kind of ''news'' is the preacher. Of fucking course. What a surprise really. But you know a wise man once said, we get what we deserve and this is excatly what we deserve, this is excatly what this close minded, hateful, stupid, judgemental country deserves. And if I quote someone for the end ''I sure hope one day homosexuals vote on heterosexual pay checks, let's call the referendum ''campaign for peace'' of course it won't be for peace but it will sure as hell sound nice''. I couldn't of say it better myself. You reap what you sow, we wanted this and now this is what we have. Democracy and independence. And what around 30% of people that attended making a law legal. Not just this law but every law in the past few years, every political party, every president, 30% deciding how the rest lives. I just...I can't even. I am completly done, with the people, with this country, with the politics, with everything and everyone. All I know is that this is not a place I want to live in, this is not the life I want to live and sure as fuck this is not a place I'd want to have a family in. Any family.

Spain

I have so much to be angry about today. You have no idea. Everything is wrong. Completly totally everything. But as I've stated before this blog is not meant for that. As much as I'd love to vent out or better yet scream into my pillow I can't. So instead I'll go into that whole travel lifestyle that seems to be so popular. Have you noticed that the only bloggers who blog for a living write about lifestyle or traveling or fashion or like foods. I have nothing against it but why not science or politics? That's way more important then which celeb was seen where wearing what you know what I mean?

Alright lets get to the point. I had seen most of European countries, the capitols, the sea sides, most of the Balkan and it's no secret that when it comes to cities Berlin is my favorite and will always also remain my favorite and if we're talking ocean, beach, cusine then Tuscany wins hands down. I don't really know what it is, might be the sunflowers, I'm a sucker for those. Or the fact that nothing beats Italian cusine. I could never have enough of Pizza. Or the cities. Sienna, Florence, San Gimignano...such beautiful places. But actually, come to think of it I love entire Italy. Milan is one of my favorite places in the world. I've seen some of my favorite bands play there and nothing could beat those memories. Rome is amazing on it's own I mean you can't beat rome, architecture, history, culture, Roman remains, it's just oh my god! And then you have Sicily, which is a whole different thing. I loved it there, best weather, beautiful ocean, the nicest people you could meet it's amazing. Time is standing still there, nobody is in a hurry, people do everything slowly, they don't just survive they live and enjoy life and it's pretty damn amazing. For someone who is constantly busy, constantly rushing some place being in a place like this where everything is calm and peacefull is pretty damn nice. I always say that one day I'd like to live in a place like that. And you know which place is excatly the same? Spain. Catalonian part that is. People are either super lazy or just super slow. And it's the best thing ever. Because who wouldn't want to lie on the beach all day drinking Sangria forgetting that the world exists? I know I would. So since I'm really missing summer right now while I'm wrapped up in 2 blankets and 2 jackets in my bed cursing the heating system I'll tell you about Spain. I've never been there before till this summer. It was kinda a whim we were looking at destinations in a traveling magazine and saw Catalonia and we were like ''hey we've never been to Spain let's go there'' and that was that. And I got to tell you I don't regret that desition one bit. Well maybe the fact that we drove there but the thing is I'm terrified of airplanes. Literally. Just thinking about being in a box up in the sky makes me sick. So we drove. Considering all the things we saw while stopping every now and then it wasn't even that bad. Saw the entire upper part of Italy...who knew you needed 10 hours to get from one side of Italy to another? I mean I didn't. And we saw France, Monaco, St. Tropez, Nice, Marseille, Montpellier, Cannes, such beautiful places. And French highways are a dream to drive on, not kidding. I'm used to people who act as if their license came in a cereal box, not here though.

We left home late in the afternoon, deciding to drive at night, less traffic and no heat. This is a sunset over the highway somewhere close to the Italian border but still at home. I always enjoy that little glimps of the ocean you can see from the highway when you go to Italy. I don't know why really but I love it. We spent all afternoon and good part of the night driving through Italy, only stopped over at a gas station in San Remo for a bit to get gas and coffee. I stood there staring at a couple of Frenchies dealing with a broken car. Completly dazed by their language. I speak French myself because I find it beautiful but they spoke so fast I barely understood a damn word. Hah. We got to Monaco a little over 3 am, you would not believe how beautiful these coast line cities are, it's all dark but there's a million lights, it just looks amazing. I never saw anything like it like this open road, huge car windows and just millions of ligths in pitch black. Gorgeous. We drove all night and all day with bathroom, gas and food breaks no longer then 20 or 30 minutes yet we got to Spain at about 6 pm. Our intention was to actually stay in Madrid but somwhere along the way we changed our minds.We were driving along the Costa Brava which means the ''wild coast'' and we just fell in love. We found one of those tourist towns that was basically a mini Ibiza bars and parties on every single street corner which to be honest didn't sound like much of a vacation so we drove a little further and found a very peaceful charming town of Callela.

Callela is a complete ''tourist trap'' you have cheap souvenir shops on every corner as well as tattoo shops, henna, all kinds of other things you know will sell, like Marvel licensed products, trust me I was going out of my mind with all the Thor comic books and Skelanimals plush toys not to mention a whole store of Iron fist high heels and dresses. It was asdfghjkl!! You know what I mean? Though the prices were also asdfghjkl! heh, here's the thing about Spanish people they'd sell you air if they could. To them it's not a good vacation if the tourist leaves with any money left in their pocket. Which is why hotels don't have free wi-fi. I know right? They give you about 15 or 30 minutes then you have to pay or go into a bar. Which you know, aint so bad because bars have booze plus there's this amazing bar just down the street of the hotel we were staying at.

Here's a little story that follows. Where is there ever not a story if you have me and alcohol. Hah. On our last day in Callela we met some really amazing people. We stayed in touch too because guess what? They are from my country! How crazy is that I have to leave my country to meet normal decent people. Not that I'm surprised it's the smart ones that travel and go out to see the world. So anyways they were way older then me, some not all but you would not believe how well we got along. I loved them from the first minute. We could talk, and joke and have fun. Something you can't really do back home, you mention loosing a bra in the middle of the capitol and people freak out, but this is a story for another time. Hah. Anyways we were at the beach drinking a little too much Sangria, laughing our asses off over bras, and whatever else we could find, people were literally staring and laughing along with us. They didn't know what we were saying they were just laughing because we were. And I gotta tell you something it was the best time I've had in years. Completly calm and relaxed, no stress, no worry. Just actual fun. It was a little less fun stumbling over my feet over the hot sand later on to get to dinner back at the hotel but alright. We met up for more drinks after dinner anyways. But this time at a bar closer to the hotel. Just in case you know. Heh. This will always be a fond memory of mine but a bittersweet one because it's rather sad that finding company my own age and this town proves so hard and a good one because there's still hope that not everyone is a complete douchebag.

We left for Barcelona then and I got to tell you that was love on first sight. Barcelona is something else. There's not much of the old gothic part of it left but it's absolutely amazing. Vibrant, colorful, beautiful. It's alive, you know what I mean? When the city lives and breathes? The market place, woah, I've never seen anything quite like it, or half of the things being sold there for that matter. The street ''Rambla'' holy hell, made my head spin, all the different languages and artists on that street. Absolutely amazing. The church ''Sagrada Familia'' there isn't one like it in the world. And though I doubt it will ever really get finished it is breath taking. It's gonna sound real damn silly but I was like a little Japanese or Chinese tourist taking pictures of ducks in the lake when I saw parrots in the small park behind the church. I mean I know it's perfectly normal but for me having parrots fly around you instead of pidgeons was absolutely amazing. Of course what's visiting Barcelona without seeing Camp Nou? The ''holy grounds''. *rolls eyes* I swear these people eat, breathe and live football. I didn't go see the actual stadium, can you imagine? Me a die hard Munich fan, seeing Camp Nou before Aliansa? Hah I'd have nightmares for months. Not to mention I found it ridiculously expensive. So instead we took a little walk around it, hoping I may bump into Neymar the highlight of the club. Shut up he's pretty. Heh. Though no such luck. That day was hot as hell to be honest. Must of been way over 35 C, I thought I was going to melt. So going to the aquarium next was a pleasant relief. They had AC there and you know what it was damn amazing. I've seen a couple of aquariums but this one was the first one with a tunnel where sharks swim above your head. I had a huge shark, teeth bared maybe 1 meter in front of my face at some point. And it was the best thing ever.

We also spent a day in a Marine park called Marineland about 2 hours out of Barcelona, it was one hell of a trip to find the park but we did. You know that places like Sea World make my skin crawl right so I was sceptical about this one but it's nothing like it, there's little animals, they have more then enough space to swim comfortably around, they look happy and healthy. It was actually funny how anxious the seals were couple of minutes before their routine, you could tell they were really looking forward to it. And it was the cutest thing, one of them kept giving kisses to his trainer. It was so cute. And the dolphines! Wow. I love dolphines as is, they're so cute and clever but this was something new entirely. Dancing to music was so cool! I also really loved that some of the money from ticket sales and shirts and stuff goes to an organizaton that saves these animals in the wild and that they included a quick ''how to'' help a dolphine if you find one on the beach in their routine.

But y'all know I love art right? So on the way back we just HAD TO stop in Figueres, the birth place of Salvador Dali. He and Monet are my favorite artists since like forever so being in his museum was like a dream. Unfortunally we didn't have a lot of time, if we did I could stare at some particular pieces forever, they are so captivating. I love how things just seem randomly thrown together then you change your point of view or step on a different spot and you see something completly new. It's amazing. Not to mention the tomb, I mean he was something else Dali but brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I was really happy to see the ''melting clocks'' in person, it's one of his most famous and also one of my favorite works. Not just his but in general. It's just something about it. He's right, time is slipping away from all of us.

And lastly...what kind of vacation in Spain would it be if we didn't spend one night in Ibiza?

''Don`t you give me the stars, don`t you give me your love, don`t you give me your heart, just give me one night in Ibiza.''

And well it's everything you think it is. Wild, crazy, alcohol flows in rivers, naked bodies, electronic music, party till you drop kinda thing. To be fair I'm either growing old or growing up not sure which one because I enjoyed one night but then I had enough. It's fine to let loose once but to spend your entire vacation there? No thank you. I actually came to relax not get back home even more tired. So yeah, I might be growing old after all. Heh. But that one night was fun. If you can't beat them join them. Though that whole ''join them'' part? Yeah I regretted that strongly next morning when I woke up with a massive headache and hungover I never knew I could have. Absinthe is a bitch, who knew right? I'm kidding. Of course it's fucking poison don't drink that kids.

So if you've been thinking of vacation, don't know where to go, or just deciding or dreaming,I recomend Spain. I loved it and I'm sure you will too. Like I already said nothing beats, sandy beach, ocean breeze, Sangria and a hot muscly bar tender that is bringing refills to you every thirty minutes. It's god damn paradise. Blake Shelton knows what I'm talking about...

Anyway, tell me if you liked this, I might pick another destination next week, or not, dependes. Let me know. And if you wanna share where you've been or where you wanna go or any fun vacation stories please do, I enjoy reading those.

Until next time.

xoxo

P.S. All the pictures I shared are all off my cellphone, no family pictures included because as I've said no more private crap. It does more harm then good so enjoy these instead.

Ho ho ho NO! Epic tale on how much I hate holidays along with a little Vampire Diaries, The Originals and Supernatural spoilers. Do not read on if you haven't seen the latest episodes! Or do but don't bitch at me after you do! :')

I decided to break my fridays only post silence. Wait. Does this sentence makes sense? Well either way you guys know what I'm trying to say. The thing is that I have SO much to say I just can't fit everything into one day in a week posts. There's so much passion for art and music and photography and everything else in me that it seems silly keeping it all back. I want to talk about several things today actually.

My life has gone through A LOT of changes lately and I've got to say most weren't for the good, I will not get into any particular details because as I've already stated this will not be the same personal detail sharing blog as the other one was. I'm only mentioning this because I noticed quite a few of my readers going through some difficult things themselves. Guys, I know what it feels like when you're just kinda ''there'', watching all your friends go out and do things and get into relationship and have people like them back and have fun and do stupid shit they regret later but still that stupid shit makes one hell of a story and you're just ''there''. People only like you every now and then when they have nobody else for entertaining but on the end of the day they wouldn't really care if you were gone. I know what it feels like not living only existing. And no matter how much you hate what I'm going to say next it's true. Things will get better. I've been through my fair share of storms and bullshit and things nobody my age should of been through but I made it and I'm still fighting now. And if I can so can you. High school sucks, people suck, your hometown and people around you probably aren't much better. But it's not always going to be like that. School doesn't last forever and neither does this feeling of emptiness and hoplessnes. It's completly okay to be sad and miserable at times but don't let it consume you. Sometimes it's hard to see but life really is beautiful if you live it. I want you to know if you're struggling with selfharm and you haven't done it in a month, a week or even a day I'm real proud of you, baby steps guys, even just wanting to get better is a huge step towards recovery. If you're struggling with depression and you're still here, still fighting, still kicking it's ass instead of letting it kick yours I'm so proud of you. You go you! Keep doing just that. It aint worth your life, or your skin, or your sadness.

Another thing that inspires depression and suicide, the holidays. Or better yet lonliness during the holidays. ''Most wonderful time of the year''? Fucking bullshit. Nothing is worse or more stressfull then the god damn holidays. I don't even understand why on earth does my family insist on celebrating Christmas while it's essentually a religious holiday and none of us is religious. Not to mention the whole fucking frenzy people fall into, the food, the gifts, the madness, I swear our local shopping malls are like a war zone. Can I please just get some milk and dog food? I don't want to buy a whole cart of food for the holidays because surprise surprise in our house we eat everyday and I see my family whenever I want to, I don't need no damn holidays for an excuse. Not to mention the whole fake happy family charade some people put on. There's members in my family that I don't like and I never will like and no damn Christmas will make me sit behind the table with a forced faked sweet smile saying how nice it is to see them. Uh no bitch, no. I don't like you and I don't have alzheimers to forget why I don't like you. I'm sorry but am I the only one bothered by celebrating the birth of some cosmic jewish zombie that was born to a thirteen yearold who magically got pregnant without an actual intercourse? Like for real? You don't even need to have much common sense to know that's bullshit. Not to mention it's all a damn lie ripped off the Norse ''pagan'' religion, basic history lesson but let's not go there because of course we are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs so before you attack me keep in mind this is my personal space, I am free to express my opinion on it. I'm ranting because it would seem that my mother is in the holiday spirit herself this year as well. Which is beyond odd trust me. She's bought me an early ''Christmas present'' which don't get me wrong I was extremly grateful for specially because it was something I wanted for a long time but it's just out of character. Not to mention she's been annoying me to bake cookies with her for about a week now. If you knew my mother you'd knew this is about as normal as a hedgehog flying an airplane. Yeah. That weird. I found myself caving into that request at the end of the day not because I would actually enjoy it of get excited about it but because I was bribed with whiskey and my favorite type of cookies. This must be the worst thing about parent child relationship. To your parents you're way too predictable. Damn it. Well maybe I wouldn't be so bitter if there was Nikki Sixx or Chris Hemsworth under my Christmas tree on Christmas morning. Wait. Who am I kidding? A tree. Haha. On the couch. With a bow around his neck. Oh yes I'd like that. Hah.

How can a Christmas be marry and the new year be happy after Crue are calling it quits and Julie Plec is ruining all our lives. I swear the woman crossed all lines of sanity. What the hell is that?! And you know it really bothers me, I watched and loved that damn show for 6 years but this new season...it would be better if it never happened. Magical babies. My ass, Alaric could be pregnant with them and it would of made more sense, not to mention what the hell are you thinking?? Not very feministic of you it's not like Caroline wanted to get pregnant and it's not like vampires can even get pregnant. Now I understand that Candice was in fact pregnant and there was something you had to do but seriously??? Not to mention the whole jumping back and forth 3 years in the future and now, it's exhausting, and the whole Julien drama and Damon and Stefan being stabbed with some stupid ass magical blade, oh my god you're making my head hurt! And just when I thought that all hope is not yet lost and hey maybe the Originals will be better you go and kill off Cami who was one of the best characters on the show. Fucking brilliant! And you're trying to tell me that Klaus the super powerful hybrid would just lie there sleeping not sensing or hearing a damn thing while someone puts his fangs into the woman sleeping an inch away from him? Are you for real right now? So in the light of all this I decided that last weeks episodes were my last. The end. I will not watch this bullshit you call writing ever again. A monkey with a laptop could do better work. And it upsets me because the bitch ruined a good show. And btw people don't only watch because of Ian! Of course he's fucking gorgeous but there's others in there with mad talent okay. They're not props! They're actors with talent. Kay? Anyways as upset as I am I decided to distract myself with The game of thrones and The walking dead. I've been waiting to watch them for a long while and now is the perfect time. Of course I'll always have Supernatural. Even if that one is starting to piss me off as well. Sam always being the victim and the ''perfect'' brother is really upsetting. Sam is a selfish spoiled brat and it's about time Dean gets some love too. Why would somone ALWAYS have to take care of Sam? Why can't someone take care of Dean for a change. Not to mention I was not happy about his whole Amara makeout scene hello she was a god damn baby a month ago. Yuck.

Which brings us to another thing. A request actually. I've finally got around to draw another colored portrait. Yay me right. And some of you guys asked me to post step by step pictures. So here you go...

Click on it or open in a new window to zoom in. I'm sorry it's so dark, I've literally been drawing since 10 pm to 4 am while not being able to sleep and only had a small ammount of light next to me. Using a paint brush, for shading and removing eraser dust. It's amazing how much better it is to ''swipe'' off the dust instead of brushing it off with your hand. No smudging! Also technical 0,5 pencil, B and 2B pencils and regular 24 pack of colored pencils. All by Faber Castell. Let me tell you something you don't know what control is till it's 2 am and your pencil keeps breaking off and you want to curse it out but you can't because obviously it's 2 in the morning. Which by the way really REALLY pisses me off! Does nobody make quality pencils anymore or they just get thrown around in transport too much? I can't stand when I try to do a clear hard line and it fucking breaks off ruining the drawing. Jesus christ. But anyways here's the finished product, a better picture that is.

And! Time for the cat to be out of the bag if you know what I mean. Ha ha. Prints will be available in my store. You read that correctly. I'm starting a store. It's going to be through this amazing page called ''Redbubble'' and it should be up and running in January. I am over the moon excited to say the least. I mean scared too, there's so many artists on there that could kick my ass up and down the street but you know, just because someone else is better doesn't mean you're not good yourself. Something my best friend used to always tell me.

Alright this is getting insanely long and I need to get my nails done, in the holiday spirit. Meaning black of course. Hah. Got a date tonight, seeing the new Chris Hemsworth movie ''In the heart of the sea'' no idea what's it about aparently the story that inspired the legendary Moby Dick. Sounds interesting enough, besides we all know he could sit on a sofa reading a telephone book for 5 hours and I'll still watch it. Heh, so a date with 2 hours of this...

...sounds like the best date ever. Except of course a concert date. Heh. Enjoy y'all. Keep my date in your thoughts, it's not gonna be easy sitting through whole two hours of Chris Hemsworth with me. Heh. See you real soon. Hope your monday treated you decently and bless you if you made it all the way down to here through this long ass post.

Much love :*

P.S. Do note that the gif pictures and that Thor photoshop are not my work and the credit goes to the owners.

Sing a sad song and you'll be alright.

Do you guys have a certain song that you connect with a memory? A good one or a bad one? Or a song that makes you happy? Or maybe sad? A song that no matter how many times you hear it, you will never have enough of? Music is amazing like that isn't it? How a melody can be a memory...how lyrics can provide a whole new outlook on life. How a certain band can give you a new perspective or a new meaning, all you gotta do is listen. John Lennon's Imagine is like that for me. It really makes you realize how little all your petty problems really are. And All time low's last album Future hearts was like that for me. All the lyrics just kinda fit you know? That's my favorite part actually, not the singles that the bands release prior to the album but actually having that album, putting it on for the first time and listen from start to finish, without skipping songs. Nikki Sixx said something about that once, that you should listen an entire record because if not you miss out on other songs that are even better then the singles. And he was right, for some reason I always find myself enjoying the ones that didn't make it as a single. I don't know why, it's just how it is. But that's not the point of today's post...Today I'm going to share one of my playlists with you. A playlist that fits the current mood. Or better yet this weeks mood, I feel like I was through hell and back the past couple of days and there's nothing that would comfort me more then my music. These are the songs I listen to when I'm at my worst. Sad. Lonely. Depressed. They're not excatly what you call a ''happy song'' but for some reason they make me feel a lot better. They make me feel like I'm not alone and that means the world to me. Here, have a listen;

1. Motley Crue - Without you

2. Motley Crue - Home sweet home

3. Sixx:AM - Skin

4. Guns n' Roses - November rain

5. Guns n' Roses - Don't cry

6. Guns n' Roses - Since I don't have you

7. Aerosmith - I don't want to miss a thing

8. Bryan Adams - Heaven

9. Nazareth - Love hurts

10. Poison - Every rose has it's thorn

11. Skid Row - I remember you

12. Bon Jovi - Thank you for loving me

13. Bon Jovi - Always

14. Def Leppard - Love bites

15. Def Leppard - When love & hate collide

16. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free bird

17. Bruce Springsteen - I'm on fire

18. The Rolling stones - Angie

19. Queen - Who wants to live forever

20. Elvis Presley - Always on my mind

21. Avenged Sevenfold - So far away

22. Avenged Sevenfold - Dear god

23. Richard Marx - Right here waiting

24. 3 Doors Down - Here without you

25. Simple Plan - This song saved my life

26. Simple Plan - Lucky one

27. All Time Low - Therapy

28. Blink 182 - I miss you

29. Green Day - Brutal love

30. Brantley Gilbert - You promised

31. Luke Bryan - Razor blade

32. Hinder - Lips of an angel

33. Eric Clapton - Tears in heaven

34. Owl City - Fireflies

35. Faith Hill - There you'll be

36. Alice Cooper - Hell is living without you

37. Ozzy Osbourne - Dreamer

38. Linkin Park - Leave out all the rest

39. Mayday Parade - Miserable at best

40. Metallica - Nothing else matters

Maybe next week I can share my happy songs with you but untill then, enjoy these. They are really good songs I promise, just give them a chance and listen. Stay safe out there guys and look after one another, remember life is never as bad as it seems sometimes. There's still so much color and happiness out there and you all deserve to see it and live it.

Until next week :*

Artist

I thought for a while what to write about. Not because I didn't know what to say but because I had too much to say. There's too many things I love and only so little words to describe how they make me feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm explaining what colors look like to someone who's been blind since birth. You know what I mean? Well some of you surely do. Anyways today's blog is in a way a request. I will anwser a couple of questions I got and never got around to respond. Sorry. You guys were wondering about my art. I got my talent from my father. His side of the family is the artistic one, painters, musicians, dancers, actors. You name it, there's at least one in the family. That's why I'm good at almost all of those things. I never got any professional ''training'' to be fair. I went to an art school as a kid but it wasn't a school as you'd imagine, we weren't learning we were just sitting around drawing, which explains why I got bored with it pretty quickly. I can sit around and draw at home, why pay an expensive tuition? I wanted to learn, I wanted to be challenged and I didn't get that there. All my talents are products of my own hard work. I taught myself by reading books, studying about artists, watching ''how to'' videos and practice of course. It wasn't as hard for me as it might be for other people since I was blessed with the talent in the first place, but what I'm trying to say is, everything is possible if you want it and work hard for it. I learned that by now. Dreams do come true you just have to be willing to work for them. I love drawing portraits most, all the artists I know hate that. They would draw anything, animals, cars, gardens, still life, anything to avoid drawing a face and I'm excatly the opposite. I love to draw a portrait, I love drawing eyes, I love drawing hair, the longer the better...I don't know why but for some reason I was never any good at drawing nature or architecture, I can draw a car, a bike, or maybe even a dog but nature, a city skyline, a horse maybe? Don't get me started on that one. Which by the way is a great challenge for me. Get better at drawing other things. Like a Japanese garden, they're my favorite by the way. Or maybe a pond with koi fish inside. Or a cat sitting out in the field with some moonlight or a wild sunrise behind. Colors are also not my best friend. I work best with graphite pencils B to 6B those make me happiest, I haven't grasped the whole concept of shading in color. I use three brands Koh I Noor, Faber Castell and Derwent. They're my favorites and work the best. Of course most of Derwent stuff are a little pricey but well worth the money. I always start a portrait with a quick sketch, just a ton of lines trying to capture the shape of the face, distance between eyes and nose, lips...then I draw the eyes, been trying to actually always draw the left side first because I'm right handed and if I draw the right side of the drawing first I always manage to smear the drawing somehow. After the eyes I draw out the nose and lips and face outline then shade it. I always leave the hair for the last specially if the hair is falling on the face, it's impossible shading between hair strands, specially if you draw in color, you just end up smearing the lines. Nothing more frustrating then ruining a perfectly good drawing with smeared lines. So! In that spirit enjoy my last drawing I did in color, one of the very few, as I said I don't like working in color but this particular picture was so beautiful it would be a crime to make it black and white. The lovely Chris Hemsworth in case you don't know, enjoy!

Dr. Feelgood

Music is my biggest passion and number one love of my life. That is for certain. So obviously I'm a huge concert goer. I love everything about concerts. The loud music, the feeling of freedom, the people you meet. People who you could easily call family because they're there in the same room, listening to the same band, feeling the same things. You don't need to know them to understand them. But my favorite thing has to be that moment when the venue suddenly goes dark, everyone goes silent, the curtain drops, the band comes on stage, lights go on, crowd goes wild, the adrenaline rush, the feeling of freedom that rushes through you. That's amazing. My favorite feeling on this planet. Better then sex. I promise. I've seen plenty of concerts and if I'd have to pick a favorite I could never do it. Maybe Bruce Springsteen? He's the Boss after all. Or the Stones? Come on they are the Stones! I really don't know. They were all amazing. But let's focus on the last concert I saw this month. Motley Crue, with Alice Cooper. And oh my god was that an amazing night or what! You probably don't know this but my name ''Nikki''? Yeah I was named after Motley's very own Nikki Sixx. It would seem that my mother was an even bigger fan girl in her days that I am. Hah, who could blame her really? Nikki was and still is hot as fuck. Anyways the point is. I grew up with this band, loved them ever since I could remember and waited so damn long for my chance to see them. Unfortunally there weren't many tours in the part of the world I live. They came close enough two times and I couldn't go both times and I was crushed! Literally broken hearted. So you can imagine how happy I was when I got these tickets. I was going out of my damn mind, driving everyone around me half mad ''fucking fangirls so annoying man''. Hah. Well let me tell you something, it was well worth the wait because if I said earlier that I can't pick a favorite concert? Wrong. Motley just crushed everyone on my favorite list. I had never ever never saw anything like that. The music, the pyro, I mean Nikki has a flame throwing bass, Tommy the fucking drummer god, not only is he amazing he drums upside down on a god damn roller coaster. Who does that? It's fucking mental! Like I'm serious the show was mind blowing. But it was completly bittersweet to say the least. Let's be honest this is goodbye. Forever. I may sound dramatic, not that I care, but this is really breaking my heart into tiny fucking pieces. I feel like a part of me just died. They are a huge part of me, my life, of why I am the way I am, they had a huge role in my growing up, in my families lives, my name obviously...I wouldn't be half the person I am without them. I wouldn't be who I am without Nikki. He taught me to fucking fight for what I want and never give up, your dreams are out there you just gotta reach out and grab them. Because of him I know nothing is impossible. And most of all he taught me real strenght. I'd be crumbled into a ball crying giving up on life without that man. Everytime life gets a little too hard to handle I tell myself ''the fuck would Nikki do?'' and it keeps me going because I know he'd show them hell so that's what I do. Give em' hell. And Motley as a band...they just make me better and happier and I could never thank them enough for every dark day they made brighter for me. So yeah, you can imagine that the whole ''final tour'' thing is not sitting well with me. I get it they probably have enough, and bottom line I only want them to be happy but that doesn't mean I can't whine about how much it fucking hurts to see them go. I found myself nervous as hell standing in that venue. Freaking out over something as silly as breathing the same air as my heroes. And they didn't disappoint. Every second was perfect, Mick's playing, Tommy fucking Lee, Nikki and his little speech and Vince...Vince's voice...Voice of a god damn rock'n'roll angel. I could listen to him for hours and never get tired of that voice. I could never get tired of them. And when he sang ''Home sweet home'' said how much he'll fucking miss us, oh babe not nearly as much as we'll miss you, that was just the cue for the waterworks. I literally couldn't keep it together. I love them so much, I love their music so much. And in a way having that taken hurts like a motherfucker. Actually what hurts the most is that after so many years of waiting to finally see them I basically only got to say goodbye. I love you boys, so much, your music is still gonna be playing every fucking weekend, we'll still be rocking out to your legendary music and we'll turn on that ''Too fast for love'' especially loud because it just turned 34 fucking years old and it's still better then most of the crap that's out there today. Guys, I love you, thank you for everything, for being my happy place, for making me stronger and better through your lives and lyrics. Thank you for making me feel less alone and helping me cope with the world a little better. You're a really important piece of me and you'll always hold a real special place in my heart. I love you thank you!

Someday somebody's gonna look at you and they're gonna say ''you know what? Motley Crue is pretty cool'' and you're gonna say ''well fuck you cuz I was at that last fucking concert in Milano Italy''.

New Beginning

Hi Guys!

So I know a few of you already know me from my old blog, but most of you don't. I've been a member of the blogging world since February 2010, I think my first post was actually about Valentine's day. Not one of my favorites. See my other blog became too personal and I realized that keeping it open for everyone to read, all your darkest, deepest secrets and thoughts...yeah that might not be the smartest idea. Silly me. People react differently to things they don't understand or don't like or don't agree with. I suppose bottom line that's because people are afraid. Afraid of change. Of course everybody is entitled to their own thoughts, beliefs, opinions and views on the world, but I refuse to read hateful comments directed towards me because someone doesn't agree with me. I suppose you can say that I finally learned what ''private'' means and I decided to close down the other blog. My private life is nobody's business and I will keep it like a locked diary you stuff under your pillow to keep it safe from your nosey little sister. This is a completly new beginning for me because I decided to keep it simple and write about things I love, things that make me happiest. I decided to share my art, my photography, my love for music, traveling, fast cars, Harley's, books, comics, movies, tv shows, shoes, vinyls, Jack Daniels, animals, the country side and all things strange and unusual that don't fit in the society's starndards of ''beauty'' and ''normality''. I just want this to be a positive space, I had enough negativity in my life and I don't need to make it worse, by writing about it and dwelling on it. This is a happy place. Containing all the things I love most. I hope you'll enjoy it or at least learn to appreciate the effort. Comments are welcome, specially on my art work. I appreciate any kind of critique, the good or the bad, it only makes me want to step up my game and improve in the areas people feel I need improving in. I will warn you though, I stand strong behind what I believe in and won't take nobody's bullshit. I don't think we couldn't be friends if we disagree, you know what they say opposites attract. But I do have one request. Don't walk into my life if all you're going to do is walk out again. People leave me all the time and I'm sick of always being the one that ends up hurt in the end. But! As I said this blog is not about that, whining, moping, complaining, this is strictly positive, focusing on the good parts of life because even though if they might be hard to see sometimes there are plenty and make life worth living. So in that spirit, I'll be sharing pictures and thoughts with you every friday and untill then, take care of one another and stay safe!

xoxo

Nikki