Ho ho ho NO! Epic tale on how much I hate holidays along with a little Vampire Diaries, The Originals and Supernatural spoilers. Do not read on if you haven't seen the latest episodes! Or do but don't bitch at me after you do! :')

I decided to break my fridays only post silence. Wait. Does this sentence makes sense? Well either way you guys know what I'm trying to say. The thing is that I have SO much to say I just can't fit everything into one day in a week posts. There's so much passion for art and music and photography and everything else in me that it seems silly keeping it all back. I want to talk about several things today actually.

My life has gone through A LOT of changes lately and I've got to say most weren't for the good, I will not get into any particular details because as I've already stated this will not be the same personal detail sharing blog as the other one was. I'm only mentioning this because I noticed quite a few of my readers going through some difficult things themselves. Guys, I know what it feels like when you're just kinda ''there'', watching all your friends go out and do things and get into relationship and have people like them back and have fun and do stupid shit they regret later but still that stupid shit makes one hell of a story and you're just ''there''. People only like you every now and then when they have nobody else for entertaining but on the end of the day they wouldn't really care if you were gone. I know what it feels like not living only existing. And no matter how much you hate what I'm going to say next it's true. Things will get better. I've been through my fair share of storms and bullshit and things nobody my age should of been through but I made it and I'm still fighting now. And if I can so can you. High school sucks, people suck, your hometown and people around you probably aren't much better. But it's not always going to be like that. School doesn't last forever and neither does this feeling of emptiness and hoplessnes. It's completly okay to be sad and miserable at times but don't let it consume you. Sometimes it's hard to see but life really is beautiful if you live it. I want you to know if you're struggling with selfharm and you haven't done it in a month, a week or even a day I'm real proud of you, baby steps guys, even just wanting to get better is a huge step towards recovery. If you're struggling with depression and you're still here, still fighting, still kicking it's ass instead of letting it kick yours I'm so proud of you. You go you! Keep doing just that. It aint worth your life, or your skin, or your sadness.

Another thing that inspires depression and suicide, the holidays. Or better yet lonliness during the holidays. ''Most wonderful time of the year''? Fucking bullshit. Nothing is worse or more stressfull then the god damn holidays. I don't even understand why on earth does my family insist on celebrating Christmas while it's essentually a religious holiday and none of us is religious. Not to mention the whole fucking frenzy people fall into, the food, the gifts, the madness, I swear our local shopping malls are like a war zone. Can I please just get some milk and dog food? I don't want to buy a whole cart of food for the holidays because surprise surprise in our house we eat everyday and I see my family whenever I want to, I don't need no damn holidays for an excuse. Not to mention the whole fake happy family charade some people put on. There's members in my family that I don't like and I never will like and no damn Christmas will make me sit behind the table with a forced faked sweet smile saying how nice it is to see them. Uh no bitch, no. I don't like you and I don't have alzheimers to forget why I don't like you. I'm sorry but am I the only one bothered by celebrating the birth of some cosmic jewish zombie that was born to a thirteen yearold who magically got pregnant without an actual intercourse? Like for real? You don't even need to have much common sense to know that's bullshit. Not to mention it's all a damn lie ripped off the Norse ''pagan'' religion, basic history lesson but let's not go there because of course we are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs so before you attack me keep in mind this is my personal space, I am free to express my opinion on it. I'm ranting because it would seem that my mother is in the holiday spirit herself this year as well. Which is beyond odd trust me. She's bought me an early ''Christmas present'' which don't get me wrong I was extremly grateful for specially because it was something I wanted for a long time but it's just out of character. Not to mention she's been annoying me to bake cookies with her for about a week now. If you knew my mother you'd knew this is about as normal as a hedgehog flying an airplane. Yeah. That weird. I found myself caving into that request at the end of the day not because I would actually enjoy it of get excited about it but because I was bribed with whiskey and my favorite type of cookies. This must be the worst thing about parent child relationship. To your parents you're way too predictable. Damn it. Well maybe I wouldn't be so bitter if there was Nikki Sixx or Chris Hemsworth under my Christmas tree on Christmas morning. Wait. Who am I kidding? A tree. Haha. On the couch. With a bow around his neck. Oh yes I'd like that. Hah.

How can a Christmas be marry and the new year be happy after Crue are calling it quits and Julie Plec is ruining all our lives. I swear the woman crossed all lines of sanity. What the hell is that?! And you know it really bothers me, I watched and loved that damn show for 6 years but this new season...it would be better if it never happened. Magical babies. My ass, Alaric could be pregnant with them and it would of made more sense, not to mention what the hell are you thinking?? Not very feministic of you it's not like Caroline wanted to get pregnant and it's not like vampires can even get pregnant. Now I understand that Candice was in fact pregnant and there was something you had to do but seriously??? Not to mention the whole jumping back and forth 3 years in the future and now, it's exhausting, and the whole Julien drama and Damon and Stefan being stabbed with some stupid ass magical blade, oh my god you're making my head hurt! And just when I thought that all hope is not yet lost and hey maybe the Originals will be better you go and kill off Cami who was one of the best characters on the show. Fucking brilliant! And you're trying to tell me that Klaus the super powerful hybrid would just lie there sleeping not sensing or hearing a damn thing while someone puts his fangs into the woman sleeping an inch away from him? Are you for real right now? So in the light of all this I decided that last weeks episodes were my last. The end. I will not watch this bullshit you call writing ever again. A monkey with a laptop could do better work. And it upsets me because the bitch ruined a good show. And btw people don't only watch because of Ian! Of course he's fucking gorgeous but there's others in there with mad talent okay. They're not props! They're actors with talent. Kay? Anyways as upset as I am I decided to distract myself with The game of thrones and The walking dead. I've been waiting to watch them for a long while and now is the perfect time. Of course I'll always have Supernatural. Even if that one is starting to piss me off as well. Sam always being the victim and the ''perfect'' brother is really upsetting. Sam is a selfish spoiled brat and it's about time Dean gets some love too. Why would somone ALWAYS have to take care of Sam? Why can't someone take care of Dean for a change. Not to mention I was not happy about his whole Amara makeout scene hello she was a god damn baby a month ago. Yuck.

Which brings us to another thing. A request actually. I've finally got around to draw another colored portrait. Yay me right. And some of you guys asked me to post step by step pictures. So here you go...

Click on it or open in a new window to zoom in. I'm sorry it's so dark, I've literally been drawing since 10 pm to 4 am while not being able to sleep and only had a small ammount of light next to me. Using a paint brush, for shading and removing eraser dust. It's amazing how much better it is to ''swipe'' off the dust instead of brushing it off with your hand. No smudging! Also technical 0,5 pencil, B and 2B pencils and regular 24 pack of colored pencils. All by Faber Castell. Let me tell you something you don't know what control is till it's 2 am and your pencil keeps breaking off and you want to curse it out but you can't because obviously it's 2 in the morning. Which by the way really REALLY pisses me off! Does nobody make quality pencils anymore or they just get thrown around in transport too much? I can't stand when I try to do a clear hard line and it fucking breaks off ruining the drawing. Jesus christ. But anyways here's the finished product, a better picture that is.

And! Time for the cat to be out of the bag if you know what I mean. Ha ha. Prints will be available in my store. You read that correctly. I'm starting a store. It's going to be through this amazing page called ''Redbubble'' and it should be up and running in January. I am over the moon excited to say the least. I mean scared too, there's so many artists on there that could kick my ass up and down the street but you know, just because someone else is better doesn't mean you're not good yourself. Something my best friend used to always tell me.

Alright this is getting insanely long and I need to get my nails done, in the holiday spirit. Meaning black of course. Hah. Got a date tonight, seeing the new Chris Hemsworth movie ''In the heart of the sea'' no idea what's it about aparently the story that inspired the legendary Moby Dick. Sounds interesting enough, besides we all know he could sit on a sofa reading a telephone book for 5 hours and I'll still watch it. Heh, so a date with 2 hours of this...

...sounds like the best date ever. Except of course a concert date. Heh. Enjoy y'all. Keep my date in your thoughts, it's not gonna be easy sitting through whole two hours of Chris Hemsworth with me. Heh. See you real soon. Hope your monday treated you decently and bless you if you made it all the way down to here through this long ass post.

Much love :*

P.S. Do note that the gif pictures and that Thor photoshop are not my work and the credit goes to the owners.