Dr. Feelgood

Music is my biggest passion and number one love of my life. That is for certain. So obviously I'm a huge concert goer. I love everything about concerts. The loud music, the feeling of freedom, the people you meet. People who you could easily call family because they're there in the same room, listening to the same band, feeling the same things. You don't need to know them to understand them. But my favorite thing has to be that moment when the venue suddenly goes dark, everyone goes silent, the curtain drops, the band comes on stage, lights go on, crowd goes wild, the adrenaline rush, the feeling of freedom that rushes through you. That's amazing. My favorite feeling on this planet. Better then sex. I promise. I've seen plenty of concerts and if I'd have to pick a favorite I could never do it. Maybe Bruce Springsteen? He's the Boss after all. Or the Stones? Come on they are the Stones! I really don't know. They were all amazing. But let's focus on the last concert I saw this month. Motley Crue, with Alice Cooper. And oh my god was that an amazing night or what! You probably don't know this but my name ''Nikki''? Yeah I was named after Motley's very own Nikki Sixx. It would seem that my mother was an even bigger fan girl in her days that I am. Hah, who could blame her really? Nikki was and still is hot as fuck. Anyways the point is. I grew up with this band, loved them ever since I could remember and waited so damn long for my chance to see them. Unfortunally there weren't many tours in the part of the world I live. They came close enough two times and I couldn't go both times and I was crushed! Literally broken hearted. So you can imagine how happy I was when I got these tickets. I was going out of my damn mind, driving everyone around me half mad ''fucking fangirls so annoying man''. Hah. Well let me tell you something, it was well worth the wait because if I said earlier that I can't pick a favorite concert? Wrong. Motley just crushed everyone on my favorite list. I had never ever never saw anything like that. The music, the pyro, I mean Nikki has a flame throwing bass, Tommy the fucking drummer god, not only is he amazing he drums upside down on a god damn roller coaster. Who does that? It's fucking mental! Like I'm serious the show was mind blowing. But it was completly bittersweet to say the least. Let's be honest this is goodbye. Forever. I may sound dramatic, not that I care, but this is really breaking my heart into tiny fucking pieces. I feel like a part of me just died. They are a huge part of me, my life, of why I am the way I am, they had a huge role in my growing up, in my families lives, my name obviously...I wouldn't be half the person I am without them. I wouldn't be who I am without Nikki. He taught me to fucking fight for what I want and never give up, your dreams are out there you just gotta reach out and grab them. Because of him I know nothing is impossible. And most of all he taught me real strenght. I'd be crumbled into a ball crying giving up on life without that man. Everytime life gets a little too hard to handle I tell myself ''the fuck would Nikki do?'' and it keeps me going because I know he'd show them hell so that's what I do. Give em' hell. And Motley as a band...they just make me better and happier and I could never thank them enough for every dark day they made brighter for me. So yeah, you can imagine that the whole ''final tour'' thing is not sitting well with me. I get it they probably have enough, and bottom line I only want them to be happy but that doesn't mean I can't whine about how much it fucking hurts to see them go. I found myself nervous as hell standing in that venue. Freaking out over something as silly as breathing the same air as my heroes. And they didn't disappoint. Every second was perfect, Mick's playing, Tommy fucking Lee, Nikki and his little speech and Vince...Vince's voice...Voice of a god damn rock'n'roll angel. I could listen to him for hours and never get tired of that voice. I could never get tired of them. And when he sang ''Home sweet home'' said how much he'll fucking miss us, oh babe not nearly as much as we'll miss you, that was just the cue for the waterworks. I literally couldn't keep it together. I love them so much, I love their music so much. And in a way having that taken hurts like a motherfucker. Actually what hurts the most is that after so many years of waiting to finally see them I basically only got to say goodbye. I love you boys, so much, your music is still gonna be playing every fucking weekend, we'll still be rocking out to your legendary music and we'll turn on that ''Too fast for love'' especially loud because it just turned 34 fucking years old and it's still better then most of the crap that's out there today. Guys, I love you, thank you for everything, for being my happy place, for making me stronger and better through your lives and lyrics. Thank you for making me feel less alone and helping me cope with the world a little better. You're a really important piece of me and you'll always hold a real special place in my heart. I love you thank you!

Someday somebody's gonna look at you and they're gonna say ''you know what? Motley Crue is pretty cool'' and you're gonna say ''well fuck you cuz I was at that last fucking concert in Milano Italy''.