No mourners, no funerals.

''We'll take this city, might burn it down, we'll break this city, and wear it like a crown''.

About time I sit down and write some of my own content huh? If only I can force my brain to co - operate. Oh my god you guys I am so tired. This week felt like an entire year. A year of bullshit and trauma and bad shit piled upon bad shit. I guess many of us feel that way but it's really been a bit much. And people wonder why I drink. And then suddenly I'm sitting in my grandmothers living room, drinking orange juice out of my mason jar, pretending to be ''healthy'' and she takes a sip going ''your juice went bad'', I'll count myself lucky that she didn't figure out that the juice that went bad was mostly vodka. Or wait, maybe she did know and decided to be quiet about it. Did y'all know Romania has vodka in like mini milk cartons? Imagine how convenient, I'd love that, going on my way sipping on vodka looking like I'm drinking milk. Sip sip bitch. 

Now that aside, since there are all but zero pleasures in my life besides booze, books and drawing, you can expect the posts to spin around those topics. I won't ramble on about music because well what's the fucking point? I want to slit my wrists knowing concerts might happen just without me there. I haven't seen a gig since my birthday in 2019, and I swear I am in physical pain. In other news I'm actually happy I decided to participate in Inktober 52 this year because despite having a hard time getting the proper materials (do people even understand what Micron not Omicron but Micron graphic liners are?) and ripping my hair out over lacking creativity and drawings that are somehow just never good enough for me, that aside it's still something I look forward to each week (only I'd be so sadistic to look forward to stressing myself out each week…well when stress is all you know…). A new drawing prompt is at least something that keeps my brain stimulated and working. This weeks prompt though (keep an eye out for the post on IG tomorrow) is a recycled Inktober idea, but that's not due to lack of ideas but firstly because some people when you say stripes all they see is a zebra and all I see is Gomez Addams. Y'all know I can't resist drawing my favourite couple. So I took my ''suit'' prompt from October and elevated it to a higher level. Why do I sound like judges in Masterchef right now? You need to take this plate and elevate it to a higher level. Lol. If they said that to me, the elevation I'd do is throwing the plate in their heads. But I'm off topic and this is a rant for another day. 

Alright so no, unfortunally for you I'm not sharing cocktail recipes with you today, though I should, feels like I'd do something good for the community, nor am I sharing a detailed description of a highly erotic dream I had in which a specific very attractive man explored every inch of my body (and I his) and let me tell you something just thinking about it makes all the cells in my body combust in fire, the hands, the hair pulling, the biting and choking. I'm going to start panting just thinking about it. Lol. So instead I'll be boring and I'll give you a book review and oh my god you guys what a book it is! I loved it from the first page to the last. 

Before I say anything at all about the content, look at that beaufitul collectors edition book. All satin black and red foiling! I am obsessed with all the pretty shiny foiling! The ''Niffler'' in me is going crazy. Lol you don't even see the way it sparkles on the picture but trust me, it's perfect. And how about that character art? Sharing my favourite couple obviously but there's other characters that are just as pretty. And the red pages! I am in love. 

You'll remember the author Leigh Bardugo from my other reviews. The Grisha verse triology, and my obsession with the Darkling. I'm still right there, my poor mistreated baby…sigh. This is a duology though and I've yet to read the second part, which I'm struggling with due to a massive spoiler I saw (seriously people flag and tag your ''porn'' we don't wanna see that shit) and it's kinda…you know not something I wanna see. Puts you off from reading. I'll get there eventually though.

Before you continiue this post will obviously contain massive spoilers for ''Six of crows'', so if you haven't read it, I'd say, get off your butt and go get a jug of vodka and juice (or just vodka, hey I aint judging) instead, and if you did read it and still wanna read my ramblings and ravings, welcome, I'm so happy to have you here. 

Straight off the bat, this book is so hyped up. Everyone is talking about it, everyone is reading it, everyone is raving about it. That's usually another turn off for me because it was proven again and again that something that the masses love, I tend to hate. I can't help it, that's just how it is, my brain is hardwired the wrong way, I explained that a couple of times before. I'm usually a bit scared to go read super hyped up books because of that reason alone. I tend to be disappointed in the end, I'm looking at you 365 days. Utter garbage believe me. 

Excuse me I was interrupted by my mother yelling downstairs ''your mafioso is on tv'', could be many of them tbh but it was Thomas Shelby which obviously means all my undivided attention in a heart beat. My god that man. And oh dear god those crystal clear baby blues, like a hurricane on a Scandinavian coast. A blue so deep you don't even see the bottom. Sigh. I'm lost in a fantasy, ignore it, I'll pull myself together and pretend I'm any good at book reviews. Hey we're not all writers, some of us are just bullshitting through life, pretending we know what we're doing. Pretending our lives aren't going to shit or that we have any control at all. Pretending everything is fine when we open the car door on a parking lot and stumble outside in a landslide of cans and bottles. But seriously don't drink and drive kids, you may spill your drink (Joke. Seriously it's a joke, if y'all still know what humor is).

So super hyped up book, I had a hard time finding someone who wouldn't like it. Which tbh, fair enough, it's a fantastic book. It's beautifully written, full off action, a little ''constipated'' romance with fools who don't understand they're in love (aren't we all right there though?) and criminals that in the end their biggest crime will be stealing your heart.  Oh wait! Before we go on, this has very little actual ties to the Grishaverse triology but I'd still suggest you read those first because then this will make more sense. I kinda would call it the unofficial part four since it's happening after the events in the third book of the triology, but also not really, it's part four in the way of a fully established fantasy world. Or well you can watch the tv show because they brilliantly combined the two. That was a stroke of genius tbh to combine the triology and duology in one action packed tv show. Great job to whoever came up with it. 

So this story alternates betweeen six characters obviously since it's titled ''six of crows'' six crows…and I am not usually  the biggest fan of the plot  being split between two points of view never mind six! But I found myself enjoying the way this plot works especially since with every separate character and their chapters we learn a bit more of their backstory which really explains who they are and how they became the way they were. Let's be honest they're essentially teenagers but act more mature than fifty plus year olds around me. Obviously something  (life) made them that way.

They're described as followed;

- A convict with a thirst for revenge 

- A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager

- A runaway with a privileged past

- A spy known as the Wraith

- A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums

- A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes

The plot focuses on an impossible heist for a huge reward. Meaning a large chunk of money, but what the points of view switching tells us is different motivation. Everyone has a different reason for needing money, for needing to complete the task at hand.  And in more than one case it's not about the money but rather in buying freedom. If that's not something I'd understand more then well right now then nothing is.

I take it Kaz is pretty much the main character here, the story revolves around him. Dirty hands. The bastard of the barrel and the brilliant criminal mind who undertakes insane missions and heists in order to build up an empire and a name and all fueled by revenge. Yes I understand that too. Revenge just might be my biggest motivation as well. In some aspects of life that is. The story shows us some of the impossible missions he already undertook and then introduces us to the heist that is so daring and so crazy, even he may not make it happen. Does he though? Well read the book...

Wait a second, I didn't even think of it this way before but in this book I have two favourites, one being Kaz, who is essentially a gang leader…of course he is. And the other is Matthias who is blond and blue eyed. Son of a bitch. I really never stray far from my likes…and I didn't even realise. Sigh. 

Ironically I can relate to the cold hearted and ruthless part of Kaz most. The part that doesn't care how much violence something needs to get it done, and the part of him that does anything in his power for those he cares about. Yeah. He's dealing with his trauma, there are reasons he is the way he is and that's another thing I can perfectly understand. Don't we all have some sorta fucked up baggage we can't really process?

I'm literally in between typing this solving quizes online on who is my Grishaverse soulmate, already assuming all I get is the Darkling but lets keep the options open…hm first result says Nikolai, second says Kaz and the third one said Nikolai again. Well makes sense, another pretty blond. Lol. And it shows my mind is all over the place if I can focus on one simple task at hand. Finishing this damn post that I've been working on and off pretty much the entire day.

I actually think this may be the first heist book I've ever read. Seriously. I can't remember any before this one, it was always hurt / comfort. Mutual pining. Heartache. Heartbreaks etc…and murder, and vampires. And well angel – human forbidden romances, what can I say I'm predictable. But books with happy endings mind you. Life is so tragic as is I don't want none of that shit in my books as well. So a heist in a fantasy world, with a crazy group of misfits, that may or may not pull it off? Sign me up for that. I'll admit though in the begining it takes a little while for the story to really take off, but I get it's the story / character building so it's okay, it might turn off some readers though. But you guys look at it this way, even in the bedroom you need some foreplay before you go to town…

And what I wasn't too happy about was the cliff ending closure. Like. I do NOT like cliff hangers. This time I'm looking at you The Witcher season 2. I mean fine at least I already have part two but what if you're waiting on it for like…years? I mean I suck at this, the story will keep eating at me and drive me crazy. No closure is something I'm really bad at. Call it personal trauma like Kaz' but really…not my fave thing in the world. Good thing though that this cliff hanger isn't enough to ruin the book for me. Lol. I still love it.  

Completely unrelated but why are so many reviews these days a bunch of people yapping on youtube? Do people honestly watch that? Ridiculous. Everyone wanna be a vlogger or ''influencer'' these days. What a dumb word btw. Actually what a dumb concept. Like anyone really cares what Karen had for breakfast this morning or how she ran out of her favourite shampoo. Sorry, I can't wrap my head around the fact how can you take them seriously. Or how can you watch them. Or worse let yourself be influenced by them…so strange. 

Why.Am.I.Constantly.Carried.Away.In.This.Review? Maybe because like a cat avoiding hot porridge, I'm avoiding the topic of Matthias. My sweet baby angel, who was taught to hate all his life but learned to love. Please stab me in the heart because it will hurt less. This whole enemies to lovers thing? I'm a thirsty bitch for it. And after all this growth and development and love…? You get part two of the duology and well…those of you that know know, the rest of you…well I aint breaking your heart. Read the book. With caution though. It hurts.

I'm going to stop rambling and I'll share some of my favourite quotes instead. They're fun and my jumbled mind might manage that better then bullshitting my way trough the story and butchering this review, to simplify all the raving…I love the book, you should read it. 

''Many boys will bring you flowers. But someday you'll meet a boy who will learn your favorite flower, your favorite song, your favorite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.''

''Kaz leaned back. ''What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?''

''Knife to the throat?'' asked Inej.

''Gun to the back?'' said Jesper.

''Poison in his cup?'' suggested Nina.

''You're all horrible'' said Matthias'' 

''I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.''

''When everyone knows you're a monster, you needn't waste time doing every monstrous thing.''

''Brick by brick, I will destroy you.''

One of the best quotes might be this one though;

'' ''They fear as I once feared you'' he said. ''As you once feared me. We are all someone's monster, Nina.'' ''

This is something Matthias says to Nina and when you think about it it's so true for non fantasy world. Matthias and Nina both grew up with their countries at war, both raised with prejudices and hatred bred towards each other and the significant part of it is the truth of it, no matter what you do, you will always be someone's monster. Someone will always believe you to be in the wrong. And the important part is that as this part of the book goes on Matthias tells Nina that she taught him to be something better, which shows us that he went from the hatred he was taught to believe in to seeing the truth. Opening his eyes and seeing the truth, let love win. It's beautiful once you think about it. 

And my absolutely favorite quote because I'm a sappy Italian romantic bitch; 

''I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together, knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting.'' 

Now to end this post…and probably throwing myself into more sadness. Like I need more sadness in my life huh? Today would of been Michael Hutchences' birthday. And that always makes me sad. Do me a favor, play a little INXS for him today. And also the sudden death of the French actor Gaspard Ulliel, god…I can't. He was so talented, and such  a bright light. It's just sad you guys. And it stabs me in the heart each morning when I wake up and see a picture of him in a Chanel commercial on my wall. Sigh. Rest in peace love. 

I think that's it. I think I need to stop playing with madness and shut up, y'all enjoy the rest of the weekend and stay strong on another dreadful Monday. Cheers. Bonus tho if you made it this far, a doodle of Mr. Kaz Brekker. If you read the book or maybe a little bit from this post as well, you'll understand why he's literally me. Or I him. 

Who will change the world.

How was your first week guys? If this is a test trial period then I don't think I want the full subscription. Sigh. However today you're not getting any wisdom from me. Today I'm sharing an article by a local reporter (B.S.), which I will translate but I will not be sharing his name or the magazine name, if you're interested send me a private message, I won't post publicly so they don't get backlash or unwanted hate mail. Obviously all intelectual properties in this blog post  belong to said reporter. I hope you read it even if in parts it reads like a crime novel. Most important thing you need to know though is that this article was posted in July of 2010! 12 years ago. I think it's a fascinating read, especially in the year 2022 and even more so how we the people colletively forgot about all the things in the article. 

A crime against taxpayers

Last year's hot summer was marked by fear of the swine flu virus, which many prominent experts and also the world's most serious media fell for. 

The whole industry was waiting for a pandemic… Tom Jefferson, epidemiologist.

The United Nations and business need each other. We need your innovation, your initiative, your technological courage. But business also needs the United Nations. In search of an ideal environment in which business could flourish… Ban Ki-moon, UN Secretary-General.

Last year's hot summer was marked by fear of the swine flu virus, which many prominent experts and also the world's most serious media fell for. Probably because the H1N1 virus, first discovered in Mexico, was in fact unstoppably conquering the world at the time. By the end of last April, in just a few days after the discovery, it had quickly infected nine countries. In mid-June 2009, it was detected in 74 countries. Just two weeks later, in the first days of last July, the World Health Organization (WHO) was horrofied to report that the virus was already killing in 120 countries. At the beginning of May this year, it owned practically the whole world. H1N1 has been discovered in 214 countries and overseas territories.

The scenarios that unfolded after last year's outbreak of swine flu in Mexico were at first downright horrific: the H1N1 virus will infect at least two billion people, hundreds of thousands will die… In the US alone, $ 2 billion was instantly spent on drugs, and the government allocated an additional $ 7.5 billion for prevention. But the apocalyptic predictions did not come true. As they did not with sars and bird flu. By the beginning of May this year, 17,919 people had died from the virus, but the common seasonal flu is taking at least ten times as many lives worldwide. It causes 250,000 to 500,000 deaths each year, according to the WHO. Independent experts say that this "terrible" new flu has even proven to be the mildest form of the disease since the official outbreak of influenza in the world »

Panic with a background

So the panic was unnecessary. So who triggered it and who benefited the most from it? It is clear that the World Health Organization has acted unscientific and irrational in this story, warns British MP Paul Flynn, rapporteur of the Council of Europe on the subject. As early as May last year, China, Britain, Japan and some other influential countries, as the Associated Press reported at the time, loudly warned WHO to be careful with announcements about the spread of the disease, as there could be unnecessary panic and confusion. But in Geneva, where the WHO is headquartered, such advice has not been heeded. In the same month, they first changed the definition of a pandemic (mortality was no longer important; by then, only 144 people had died from the H1N1 virus worldwide), and then on June 11, 2009, the new disease was declared a pandemic.

German epidemiologist dr. Wolfgang Wodarg, who was the first to launch a serious expert debate on this topic in the Council of Europe last December with his False Pandemic - Health Threat initiative, firmly believes that Geneva did not decide to declare a pandemic out of health concerns, but it was a carefully planned move aimed primarily at boosting vaccine sales. “There is simply no other explanation for what happened. Why else would we change the definition of a pandemic? ”Said the then ruthless Wodarg, who is no longer in the Council of Europe. As he was not elected to the Bundestag in the last German elections, he is no longer a member of the German delegation to the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe (PACE). That is why his mission was taken over by the British Paul Flynn, who, together with the German, prepared a truly excellent and highly critical report for the June PACE meeting in Strasbourg. It should be seriously considered by all European governments, which in this story (un) intentionally fell for experts and earners from the pharmaceutical industry.

Vietnam War virus

H1N1 has been declared a completely new and hitherto unknown virus by the World Health Organization. But practice has quickly revealed that this is not the case. Patients over the age of 65 reacted significantly differently to the virus than younger people. This could mean that they have met it before and thus maintained their immunity. This was also confirmed in Strasbourg by prof. dr. Ulrich Keil from the Epidemiological Institute at the University of Münster. According to him, the virus was brought to the United States in the 1970s by soldiers returning from the Vietnam War.

The disease was already christened the Asian swine flu at the time. The panic was considerable. Nearly 40 million people were vaccinated in America at the time, fearing it was a virus similar to the Spanish flu that killed tens of millions of people after World War I. But the vaccination was stopped the moment they found out that it was basically a very mild disease. The swine flu at the time claimed only one death in the United States, and at least 30 people died from the vaccine. The side effects were devastating. As many as several hundred Americans have been diagnosed with the incurable Guillain-Barr syndrome, which also causes paralysis.

Also this time, comparisons with the Spanish flu were completely superfluous, adds dr. Keil. This took place in the historical context of the First World War. It was transmitted by soldiers who, due to malnutrition, exhaustion, wounds and lack of medicines as we know them today, were easy prey for all possible viruses and diseases. Therefore, the deadly harvest at that time simply cannot be compared to today's times, as medicine today is completely different from health care almost a hundred years ago, warns Dr. Keil.

Fact is that those who decided on the pandemic were exaggerating. What they wanted to achieve with that, only they know. The panic was terrible. For example, Karin Andersen, an MEP from Norway, said in Strasbourg people in the queues in front of health centers were literally fighting for the vaccine out of fear of the virus. And condemned the politicians for failing to provide a sufficient number of doses in a timely manner.

But the problem was also that, due to panic, even doctors in many places could no longer distinguish between flu and flu-like illnesses caused by at least two hundred different viruses. Epidemiologist Tom Jefferson of the Cochrane Collaboration, for example, says only 7 to 15 percent of patients with flu symptoms actually get swine flu. In many countries, therefore, there are serious difficulties in distinguishing between patients who died of swine flu (had flu symptoms but died of other pathologies) and patients who died exclusively of swine flu (this was the leading cause of death). The confusion was therefore complete, and the conditions for falsifying statistics - and fishing in the mud - were also ideal.

Geneva Secret Committee

One of the main bodies dealing with epidemics and pandemics in the World Health Organization is the so-called Strategic Advisory Group of Experts (SAGE). But the Director-General of the WHO - this task is now performed by Dr. Margaret Chan, who did not get vaccinated against the flu, as she allegedly did not have time for that - she can also appoint a special Emergency Committee in case of serious complications. Said committee has met eight times since the outbreak in Mexico and the United States in April last year until May 2009. And apparently fatally influenced the fact that Geneva then decided to declare a pandemic.

But when the Council of Europe asked the WHO for the names of the members of this committee, which are secret by agreement, the Geneva response was negative. Explaining that these people would be subjected to terrible pressure from various companies and interest groups after their identities were revealed…Strasbourg received a similar reply from The European Center for Disease Control and Prevention (ECDC), which has been operating in Stockholm since 2005. This institution also did not want to reveal the names of experts who were obviously on the same wavelengths when deciding on the pandemic with their colleagues from Geneva. The transparency of the operation on which Europe is actually based upon has failed the swine flu test. The scandal was complete with this.

Sleeping contracts

Different European countries have reacted differently to the pandemic. Some governments have already signed so-called "sleeping contracts" with pharmaceutical companies after the (completely harmless) bird flu, which activated them as soon as the WHO declared a swine flu pandemic. But a vaccine for them has not yet been provided. Companies started supplying it on a first-come, first-served basis, with prices two to three times higher than the usual seasonal flu vaccine. This "package" also included a clear warning that most of the vaccine's side effects would be the responsibility of the governments themselves »

The British government has earmarked £ 570 million for the vaccine, according to Paul Flynn. A huge sum, which was logical in the event of an outbreak of swine flu, as the British Ministry of Health predicted that the H1N1 virus on the Island would take at least 65,000 lives. By spring, less than 500 Britons had died from the flu…

They reacted similarly in France, where they initially ordered 94 million doses of the vaccine, worth 365 million euros. But because the virus turned out to be less scary than it was portrayed, official Paris managed to rescind the contract for 50 million doses. Only 5.7 million French people have been vaccinated against the flu. Some vaccines have been sold to other countries, but there are still 25 million doses in storage, which will expire later this year. So the government has thrown away a huge amount of money because of the pandemic, which did not exist. A real crime against taxpayers.

Poland said no

Similar dramas have taken place in other European countries. The only bright exception was Poland, which, thanks to the determined Minister of Health Ewe Kopacz, a former pediatrician, did not buy the vaccine. Warsaw intended to do so. It is expected to be bought for about two million of the most vulnerable people. But the conditions set by pharmaceutical companies for the purchase were unacceptable to the minister. The traders demanded that the government take responsibility for any possible side effects. “I will not buy medicines from you that you do not guarantee for. When writing a prescription, you must first ask yourself this question: Would you prescribe this medicine to your children or your mother? ”Ewa Kopacz was determined, and the pharmaceutical giants left Warsaw disappointed. The Polish minister was one of the few in the world who realized in time that the swine flu pandemic is not as serious as it is portrayed, and that it is clearly due to great financial interests.

There was a great deal of logic in these reflections of hers. The results of the financial operations of the large pharmaceutical companies that produced the vaccine actually showed huge profits. According to the well-known investment bank JP Morgan, the companies are expected to generate profits of between 7 and 10 billion euros by selling the vaccine in 2009 alone. They were right at JP Morgan. Sanofi-Aventis, for example, announced earlier this year that the company generated as much as 7.8 billion euros in net profit last year. Largely due to the successful sale of the swine flu vaccine.

Untested vaccine

Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg claims that the pandemic has enabled pharmaceutical companies to turn large piles of money into overnight (secret) contracts with governments precisely because of good "business ties" with the WHO. Pharmacists have thoroughly prepared for this event. Also with the development of super fast - newly patented and therefore more profitable - methods for making vaccines in bioreactors with the help of fast-growing cancer-like cells. But these vaccines have not been clinically tested and can therefore be very dangerous. Neither children nor pregnant women should be vaccinated with them, warns Wodarg. In Germany, for example, Novartis optaflu was therefore rejected.

It is clear that in recent years a strong and extremely strong network of corruption has been forged between Geneva and the pharmaceutical giants. With a single goal: to make as much money as possible. The WHO has persistently denied this, but has not provided any evidence to that effect. Some media have therefore recently started a real hunt for influential people in the World Health Organization, who also had close ties with the pharmaceutical industry. One such was dr. Albert Osterhaus, a member of the WHO’s Strategic Expert Group of Advisors, has had his fingers in all the panic reactions to viruses they have discovered over the past decade. That is why he was nicknamed Dr. Flu…

Under pressure from the public, including the Council of Europe, Geneva decided in June this year to launch an investigation into possible indecent connections. But they tackled the problem again very strangely. It turned out that the commission of inquiry included as many as six members of the aforementioned emergency committee, which essentially made all the key decisions. These six men were therefore to judge the decisions they themselves had proposed to the WHO's top leadership. A farce without precedent. When this detail came to light, two controversial members of the commission of inquiry immediately resigned, and the remaining four are still not bothered by this conflict of interest.

The real killers of civilization

The fake swine flu pandemic has revealed a series of abuses and irregularities that plague virtually all of modern society today: complete non-transparency in making important decisions, corruption, clientelism, intertwining business interests. And worst of all: earnings were more important in this story than people’s health. In apparent alliance with the pharmaceutical industry, which has smelled the opportunity for big profits here, the World Health Organization has shifted all its attention, influence and (taxpayer) money to a peripheral virus, while for the worst killers of today's civilization, such as high blood pressure, cholesterol, depression, diabetes, cancer or AIDS virtually does not care at all.

In less developed countries, for example, 26,000 children die every day from malnutrition and curable diseases alone. That’s almost ten million dead children a year! Shocking statistics, says Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg, but neither the WHO nor the governments of developed countries are doing anything about this terrible number. There are no profits with the poor! However, these same governments were all at once willing to spend billions of public money to tackle the not-so-dangerous H1N1 virus. Really upside down world.

Who will change the world? Certainly not those who are silent about it. The fake swine flu pandemic has revealed a series of abuses and irregularities that plague all of modern society today. And worst of all: earnings were more important in this story than people’s health.

''The people are the government, and the people have the power. All we have to do is awaken the power in the people.''

I'm literally sitting here in the middle of the night updating and writing shit posts for two of my blogs in order to keep my breathing (should I say panting?) under control. I watched the Witcher. Binged watched the Witcher and I have a couple of problems. Starting with how dare they cast Henry Cavill as the Witcher. Oh my gawd I'm not okay. That gray hair, yellow eyes and leather does things to me which in turn make me wanna do things to him. Bad bad things. Lol. Second thing they're giving us all these trailers, sneak peaks before the release and my mind the entire time was just ''bard bard bard bard bard''. Literally. No joke. OH MY GOD HAVE YOU HEARD THE SONG?! (Burn Butcher Burn) It came from a broken heart? Please unfollow, stop reading, block my posts because this is all I'm going to be talking about for a long while. Henry's voice in that Witcher mode growl? Lord help me I need Jesus and a confession. So damn sexy. And I would literally sell my soul to the devil twice to have him wrap his hands around my neck and growl into my ear (straight of set, in his Witcher gear still lol). Though my fangirling and freaking out aside, season two is better in every single way than season one was. Also, I need Henry's necklace bad! Anyone knows any good replica shops? Let me know if you do.

In more important news, my fellow Tumblr and Apple users, y'all seen this new tagging bullshit right? I hope every single employee at Apple gets beheaded. Sincerly. I prefered iPhones over Androids always but this? This is seriously crossing any and all lines of good taste. Why the fuck can't I use the tag ''mine'' anymore for my art? What kinda fucking problem can Apple have with that? I get tags for things that may be triggering but here's a wild idea how about banning triggering things all together so no tags are needed? Huh? I mean like look at an example banning the tag ''antisemitism'' is only preventing the discussion about it but not the content itself. The only message they're sending out this way is that creating a bricked up garden with hateful posts is acceptable on social media while pointing out that it's hateful is not. What the fuck for real. Listen to me and listen to me good, I aint censoring myself and fuck them iOS users (yes I know I'm one of them).  If anyone wanna read the idiotism of blocked tags here's the list  (Click me )

My fave gotta be suicide prevention and safe sex. WHAT IN GODS NAME IS BAD ABOUT THAT APPLE?!

Also that aside, I need to focus on the vinyl playing (yes finally after a year, a miracle my player still works after being neglected for so long) music, which was put on the player in order to either prevent me from going into a fit of rage over Apple and our government doing idiotic, fascistic bullshit or getting overly horny over the perfect human being that is Henry Cavill. Clearly wrong choice of music since I'm still both, angry and horny which in normal circumstances aint a bad thing to be honest, aint nothing quite like a little rough, hate sex. But back to the music there aint nothing hateful or rough about this man… 

Y'all know I do not like the Beatles. Really they're not my cup of tea. Over rated in every aspect and why the hell would you listen to the Beatles when you had the Stones? But their solo work I love. Most of it anyways. McCartney and Lennon at least. Lol.

This album came out in 1982 and it was released after John died. As a tribute to his solo career. It was supposed to come out in 81' but I believe it was held back for a year due to some legal bullshit. Isn't there always some legal bullshit? I think this had to do with that some songs were owned by Geffen and some by EMI and they probably couldn't come to an agreement. The album of course includes some of his biggest singles from his solo albums as well as my fave song by him which no is not Imagine but Stand by me. Though of course Imagine has better lyrics and story, aren't we all dreamers after all? I might be into Stand by me far more due to a fond memory tbh. It's not everyday at a karaoke bar where you get a musician who is supposed to be a good singer but had one too many drinks dedicate this song to you in a pink feathery boa, howling like a wounded moose. Good times. Now I don't even know what karaoke or a bar are to be honest.

Over all the selection of songs is alright but a little strange. I mean starting with ''Give peace a chance'' such a John Lennon thing to say. We all should give peace a chance, we all should live in peace but honestly, I don't have John's optimism or dreamer nature so I can't imagine the world giving peace a chance, at least not as long as humans live. It's a great start of the record though. ''Instant Karma''? Yes. I wish daily that Karma whoops some butts of some people that really deserve it. Another one of those, will I ever see it moments? It seems to me that this world is far more prone to favour idiots and assholes than it is to favour good people. I'm not even talking about myself here, I know I'm not perfect, I know I've made many mistakes, pissed off some people, hurt some people. But I know people that are nothing but kind and caring and loving and they seem to be on the receiving end of all bad things, always.

Third song side A is important. ''Power to the people''. I take it if you're here reading this post you know at least a little bit about John Lennon, you know his political stance and his ''rebelious'' nature. So you'll know this song is a Revolutionary statement. He wrote this song as a call to action of sorts, a response to the radical politics in the 60's. Deja Vu these days aint it?

Basically the phrase speaks for itself, obviously indicating that the people need to take control from the governments and institutions, which Lennon himself fought for and advocated. I often think how miserable and disappointed he'd be in the world we live in now. I don't think he'd enjoy watching the governments trampling rights and abusing people, or maybe I'm wrong and he'd be the voice of reason, the person that starts a proper riot. You know the kind that burns cities to the grounds. Metaphorically speaking, we all know John wouldn't hurt a fly. But you know what he said about this song? It was during the time him and Yoko (ugh) were doing the footage for the Imagine documentary, he was asked about the precise meaning of the song. Stupid question because wtf are you an illiterate idiot or…? Anyways what John said was ''The people are the government, and the people have the power. All we have to do is awaken the power in the people.''

This statement is exactly what I'm trying to make people see. People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of it's people. The very first second people start being afraid of their leaders it's no longer democracy but totalitarism. And the fact that we let them get away with everything, the fact that we let them use and abuse us, let them decide what they think we should do with our lives, with our bodies, with our beliefs. It's absolutely perverse.

Cute story a month after this song was released the Chi-Lites ''(For God's sake) Give more power to the people'' came out and though they wrote mostly about love and heartbreak they occassionally released a political song as well. Though they wrote about feelings, didn't want to get involved, John Lennon was different, he was up to his balls involved.

And then you got ''Whatever gets you through the night''. Well John, freshly sharpened pencils, couple of sheets of blank paper and gallons of coffee. Most nights. Some nights staring at the nightly starry skies wondering if someone else miles away is looking at the same sky as I am. Some nights simply lost in my head in either scenarios that end up hurting me or fantasies in which someone and I'm not going to lie it's mostly Henry, is attending my deepest, darkest fantasies, making them come true. So there. That's what gets me through the night. What am I saying. Sometimes it's literally chilled JD Honey.

Fun fact. Whatever gets you through the night is Lennons only solo number one single in the US during his life and he was the last member of the Beatles to achieve this. Recording includes Elton John on harmony / back vocals and piano. And another fun fact / cute story. Elton bet John that this song would top the charts but John was so sceptical that he said if it does he'll appear on stage at one of Elton's preformances. So the song hit number one and Lennon appeared at John's Thanksgiving gig at Madison square garden in 1974, which was Lennon's last major concert appearance.

I don't need to specifically go into Imagine and why that song is so important and meaningful right? I think we all know what it means and what the message behind it is aye?

There's of course other songs on this album like; Dream (what are those?), Mind games (aren't we all subjected to those lately?), Love (what is that?), Happy Xmas war is over (is it though?), Jealous guy, (just like) starting over (that's all I really want, a fresh start), Woman (according to new Ios – tumblr tag block a woman no longer exists lol), I'm losing you (sigh), Beautiful boy (darling boy), Watching the wheels (what is he a dog chasing a car?), Dear Yoko (gross. Come on I can't be the only one with a distaste towards Yoko?). But those all aside let's focus on my fave one eh? Yes because it's my fave that's all you're getting.

The blonde singer that sang this to me in a bar. Oh my god. Lol. He butchered the song, if there was ever anyone turning around in their grave then it was John during this ''preformance''. Tho the lyrics were all correct the singing was…well..takes a few tequila shots to ''enjoy'' the howling. I also heard David from Simple plan sing Stand by me, few times. Loved it. But lets go back to the original song. Which is not Lennons at all! This always happens to me I love a song by a certain artist and learn it's not theirs at all but a cover. Sigh. Ok so the original was released in 1961 by Ben E King. And last time I checked there's about 400 versions of this song out there. Can you imagine that? 400 different versions of the same song. I imagine it's the same with Hallelujah though. Apparently King said it was inspired by Sam Cooke's song ''Stand by my father'' could be. And another reason why I like it. Lets be honest everyone knows I love me some Sam Cooke. Oh look another thing on my bucket list, I need like a greatest hits by Cooke vinyl with Cupid and Change is gonna come and most importantly Twistin the night away. Bestie and I would dance to that song on the frozen Lake Bodom being stupid together. Fun times. Imagine how much more fun it would be if that ice cracked under our feet. Lol. Thank god Finland is practially permanetnly frozen.

I love how John covered this song, I love the acoustic guitar and I love the solo in between. I always hate it when someone takes a song and wants to make it 100% the same. If you're a singer, put some of yourself in the song, make it your own nobody wants to hear the same song all over again only sung in a different voice. Like metal singers do with Disney songs? Yeah I love that shit.

Either way I need to wrap this up because there's a sketch of Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders on my desk screaming for my attention and if there's one thing I can't resist is fresh new sharpened pencils and a pretty face to sketch. Y'all watched this show btw? Amazing! I love it so much and Cillian Murphy is so good in it. I had a thing about him before, those eyes! But I feel like he was born for this role, clothes, face, hair! All of it fits. It wasn't my thing before till I was persuaded into watching it and since said person doing the persuading has to suffer through my moaning and panting over the Witcher…it was only fair I watch some of his content too. Thank fuck I did. (Also Tom Hardy!).

Right the album! The first posthumous release and it did super well, reaching number one in UK (of course it did) and number thirty three in US where it also went triple platinum but what's more important and also kinda creepy is that the front and back cover pictures (they're awesome aren't they?) were taken by the amazing Annie Leibovitz and just a few hours later John was murdered. Jeesh.

Either way, despite not being a huge fan this is an album I enjoy now and then. For calming your nerves and anger and horniness there's no better cure. Lol. I suggest you give it a spin.

So enjoy your week you guys, last week of 2021, I don't know should I be relieved or terrified? Either way I'm glad this shit year, another shit year actually, is finally ending.

This Christmas instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone my opinions.

People call me bitter a lot these days. Yea. Maybe I am. Maybe Christmas is something we should all enjoy despite our religious status.  Maybe the point of Christmas isn't that much in the birth of Jesus but spreading positivity and love and light (isn't that what he would of wanted?). Whatever that is. Maybe. 

It wasn't always like this you know, my dad and I did the whole Christmas tree, nativity scenes, lights, presents, the whole ordeal. The tree had cotton balls spread on it's branches to make it look like snow, all kinds of ornaments from all over the world, and a red star on top of it, with colorful twinkling lights. I admit the nativity scene was far off, we did a ranch with animals and cowboys and no baby Jesus but the effort was there. The dog had a Christmas hat pretending to be Santa's little helper and we had literally any and all types of food you could imagine. 

Things changed. The near word Christmas and those idiotic Christmas songs throw me into murderous rage. The lights make me sick and the all together gloomy atmosphere is enough to make one wanna slit their writsts. I'm here rambling and ranting because as per tradition of course my family already ruined any and all chance of a Holiday. After they succesfully threw me into a sour mood with their declaration of how stupid I am, my clothing style, my hair, the fact that I'm an idiot who's grades in school were handed to her and some more about ''getting nowhere in life''. Well…no wonder I'm cooped up in my room talking to myself on the blog. Here's the deal, Christmas in my book is hell. It's the same always. When we're forced to actually spend time together all hell breaks loose (yes you can imagine how much fun the last year has been). Maybe that's why I dread December instead of look forward to it. Maybe I just wanna be left the hell alone. 

And the crazy part is if I was allowed to decorate how I want without being called an idiot because ''that's just not how things work'' who the fuck decided how things work? And if I was seated at the table with people that are actually happy to have each other…maybe then I wouldn't be bitter either. I want a black Christmas tree with gothic ornaments and band logos, and a Grinch on top of it and someone who looks at me the way I look at puppies and Henry Cavill, watching Home alone with me while drinking hot cocoa which I don't even like but I would for the purpose of this fantasy. I guess I honestly only wish for love and understanding. And probably for the whole world to disappear but let's not get crazy with wishes. I guess starting small, at home, would do. 

The only highlight December, Christmas, New years, used to have were open air concerts in the city center, with cinnamon apple fries and mulled wine or hot gin. And well…yeah we know where we are this year. Depression. Gloominess. Darkness. Even the fireworks are quiet (bez tebe šuti vatromet)…''Most wonderful time of the year'' aye?

Lets not even start with the fact that people believing into a cosmic being born to a thirteen yearold without intercourse is my biggest problem but I learned lately that people will believe anything depending on how you present it to them. Though lets be serious there's one positive development. This year I was spared any and all Christmas shopping, I didn't have to watch shopping zombies in the store, I didn't have to lose my mind in a mall, I didn't have to drive and go crazy over no parking space. No Corona passport, no drama. Everything is good for something aye. 

Alright, instead of rambling I'll wish you those of you that celebrate a great Christmas day, I hope you spend it with your loved ones, family, friends, pets, yourself, your books, your vinyl. Whatever floats your boat. 

Merry Christmas guys.

We are no saints.

Todays song recomendation for you is ''Blind Channel - We are no saints''. I am obsessed okay. I mean yes more Finish boys to obsess over, what a shocker huh? But this songs lyrics speak to me. Especially about the part with the priest and a panic attack. You know what my dad always said? That if I ever go to confess the priest would probably combust in flames. Might actually be true as well. Hah. But speaking of the only reason for me to be caught in a confessional is to fulfill a dirty fantasy of having sex in there. Listen we all have our kinks this just happens to be one of mine. One that would probably have me arrested. I can't even begin to imagine if the police calls home to bail me out for this what my family would do. Mom would kill me but dad would probably laugh and say ''that's my girl''. I miss him. Have I mentioned that lately? Probably not, since things have been growing progressively worse day by day and the list of people to miss is growing longer. But yeah...

Can y'all believe that this year is almost over? I mean mentally I'm still somewhere in 2019, trying to process 2020, confused as fuck when people tell me it's almost 2022. Like how? How?! I don't understand. I was ready to drop bodies the other day when someone condescendingly told me that the 80's were 40 years ago. Wtf. I automatically think ''oh 20 years ago''. How is time even moving I don't get it at all. 

So here's the deal, did I accomplish my goals for 2021? Of course I fucking didn't. Did I look after my mental and physical health? Of course I didn't, they're both easily the most fucked up they've ever been. Did I manage a proper healthy diet and enough sleep? Laughable. Of course I fucking didn't. Was I happy at least for a few brief moments? Well fuck no. But I'm not here to dwell on all the negative. How about some positivity? And Jesus fucking Christ it just occured to me how hard I have to think about it. Not only what has happened in this past year because as I said above my concept of time is completely fucked and I find myself looking things up on the blog or emails to see when something happened. And it was even harder to think what the hell was even positive. Jesus not many things at all. 

I like to think my drawing skills improved immensely because I actually took the time to really work on my drawings, shading and perfecting details. Inktober was the most fun I had all year I'm not going to lie and the drawings created during this Inktober are easily my favourite ones. 

I actually made some new friends that might be reading this right now and they are all badass and I love them. So cheers guys, your friendship has been a highlight in this past fucked up year. 

Maneskin won eurovision. Super happy about that because I obviously love them. And shit I'm already struggling on the positive. My mother would say ''you're still alive'' yeah that is not always a good thing to be honest. 

I got and read some really fantastic books, while still pondering when the fuck I'll finally write my own. Always wanted to but lets be honest it won't ever happen, even if it wouldn't even be a tough task, all I have to do is use my crazy family and turn them into a story. That would probably sell like hot cakes. 

I think this is it. I think that's all the positive I can list. If I started listing the bad shit I think this blog post would never actually end. Sigh. It's been a very tough year you guys, I know, for most of us, so no point in whining. I'm literally selfharming with scrolling through old social media posts about a life I no longer have. I could never dream of concerts not being a thing and missing them this much. You guys! Last show I saw was October 2019 and the only real reason for not seeing a concert this long, for me, it should be death. Honest to god. To be honest all I really feel when looking back at this year is ''Sharp pains impaling through my heart, slowly tearing me apart'', as is the pain from losing the person who wrote this line. Sigh. 

Honestly I'm afraid to scroll back in this blog and have a look on my December / January posts. The whole constantly wishing things get better and they never do part is going to kill me. It's like being in love with someone that will never love you back, you know that feeling right? It's slowly killing you day by day by fucking day, like smoking, or drinking. It's hell. Pure hell and torture. 

Alright enough whining and self pity, the new Season of the Witcher is finally out and I'm going to play a game of ''can I watch the whole season in one night?''. Lol who are we kidding of course I can. Aint nothing like a little bit of gray haired and yellow eyed Henry Cavill in leather to warm up my cold dead heart, just don't ask what the story is about, I have no idea. #shallow 

“There is no ideal world for you to wait around for. The world is always just what it is now, and it's up to you how you respond to it.”

How is today another Monday? Are we still doing Mondays? I mean is that still a thing? And also why? What a dumb idea tbh. Had a nice chat today with the mail man, he (again) complimented my makeup that I pretty much only put on for him these days. Have I seriously came to a point where getting mail is an ''event''? Looks like it. I feel like a zoo animal when the mail comes, like the zoo keeper just put a new toy in my enclosure. Fun times. I need to start putting high heels on when I pick up mail too, because you know, they make everything an event. Maybe a feathery boa. Or that perfect little black dress. Hm. Last week I shocked the poor delivery guy with a silky black see through robe with furry sleeve ends and collar. There he is bringing some Harley parts trying not to stare at my tits while I lean on the door, cat in one hand, a glass of red wine in the other. I think shocking the mailman might be my favourite (and only) fun pass time activity these days. What is that new song Robbie Williams sings?

''Oh these are strange days, in many strange ways, science fiction I believe, has become reality.''

Yeah something like that Robbie. Something like that. 

In other news, have you guys seen the new photoshoot Keanu Reeves did for Esquire magazine? Oh my god you guys, I'm not okay. That man is like a fine whiskey, the older the better. I died a little bit not going to lie. Holy hell. There's a pretty good long article that goes with the photos too (like he wanna join the MCU? Are you serious?! Do you really want me to die?). Not that I read the entire thing yet. The pictures are far too distracting. He's the only one I'd marry in a heartbeat no questions asked all he'd have to do is say the words. Ke if you're reading, I'm still waiting ;) 

Now before this spins out of control again, my insane ramblings…I'm here for the book review I promised and I'm so excited because this book is what one of my favourite movies is based upon and while I saw the movie at least 30 times by now I never read the book before. Gasp. I know, I know don't say it. But really, I didn't read it beacuse getting stuff in this country is impossible. I wonder everyday how is it possible that we have color tv. But since by some miracle I finally got my hands on my very own copy I jumped at it and finished it in a day. Obviously. 

( Warm Bodies / Isaac Marion / Zombie Romance / Supernatural themes / slight violence)

Okay y'all know  that the Italian in me is strong. The love for everything Italian and Italy itself is undying and I'm clearly a hopless romantic though it does not look like it in my ''tough'' outer appearance. Trust me though, I absolutely melt at cheesy, stupidly romantic things, except V-day, that one I still despise. So obviously I prefer romantic books, but like with a twist, either supernatural romance or impossible romance with a happy end. The usual wnb erotica and simmilar crap that women seem to fawn over (cough 50 shades cough) makes me physically ill. Not because of sex, everyone loves a good NSFW part of a book but the writing is just so bad it makes me want to roll my eyes all the way into my skull and not in a good way *wink wink*. Pick up a damn Hemingway novel like Farewell to arms and learn what a true love story really is. Spoiler alert 50 shades is not love but rather 50 shades of abuse. 

Back to Warm bodies. I fucking adore this story. Not because it's got everything I love, supernatural elements and romance but because it depicts such a great picture of humanity. Not the ugly side that we all see now in a wnb apocalipse where people fight in stores over toilet paper. Sigh. Speaking of, anyone got an idea yet about why the fuck people hoard toilet paper? If you do, please leave me a comment below, I'm dying to know. But no, the picture of humanity this story shows is that humans are in fact born out of love and can also be reborn out of it too. Kindness, courage, empathy and love are the only way to heal a sick society because it's the only thing that makes us human, the only thing that separates us from beasts. 

Straight from the start this book is not at all what I expected. It's nothing like the movie at all. In most cases books and movies are nothing alike sure, but these two are really different.  Things that happen in the book don't happen in the movie at all and vice versa. What matters though is that they both have a happy ending, if the book per say would be different and tragic, I'd set this whole world on fire. No joke. 

I love Isaacs (I keep want to write Oscar, shows you just where my mind is, with a sexy latino) smooth writing. From the point of view of ''R'' the zombie he starts the book with '' I am dead , but it's not so bad. I've learned to live with it''.  Just a short straight to the point couple of lines that explain what it's like to be a zombie. To live in an eternal state of apathy, not really alive but not dead either, just existing. This also shows you why I keep saying we are currently in a zombie apocalypse. We're not really alive, we're just breathing, waiting, passive. Not really alive. 

R doesn't remember his name no more, rarely someone does, but he talks about his life in a cronological order, articulate and thoughtful. I mean I haven't met a zombie yet but this level of selfawareness would surprise me. So it's not really shocking that we learn along the way that R is different and that little bright light of hope. Hope for humanity. But that little light still needs a spark to shine bright. And of course since this is essentially a love story, where oh where can we find that spark? In a girl. Julie. Think of her as the first splash of color in a permanently gray world. I love how their names are R and Julie. You know Romeo and Juliet. Cue in Dire Straits playing in my head. I love that song. Also R's friend ''M''? A homage to Mercutio perhaps? There's a cheesy balcony scene as well to make things even more perfect. 

What I love so much is the progress of the story, each page you turn, the more human R becomes. He grows and glows with Julie's presence. Literally he grows with love and isn't that what's it supposed to be like? Love making us the best version of ourselves? Making us grow? The romantic in me wants to believe that's what it should be like. I still want to believe in love and magic despite the fact that the world keeps proving me I'm delusional. It's not a typical love story mind you, emotions are not as strong on every page as you'd imagine in a regular love story but it's more than obvious that love is the driving force and love is what makes it all worth while in the end. 

In theory this book is the most unique work of fiction I've read in a while. The whole post apocalypse survival isn't that odd of course but the first person narrative being a zombie is a first for me. Never mind a philosopher zombie, questioning all those why are we here, and life purpose kinda questions. And though he has all these questions, and though he can't use enough words to actually voice his thoughts, there is nobody around that would actually care. I felt that. More often than not I feel the same way, like people just don't care about what I have to say, or what I'm thinking, or what I'm feeling. Another thing I can relate to is the fact that R hoards little artifacts he picks up on his trips to the city. Mostly vinyl though. Now tell me that aint me lol. What I think though that while I hoard little things, things that remind me of good memories, some bad too (aren't I sadistic) I think R does it to keep him close to whatever little piece of humanity is left in him. 

The ''love'' story actually starts off pretty grusome, with R eating Perry's brains, Perry who just so happens to be Julie's boyfriend. I don't know if this is a general zombie thing but they say in this book that zombies eat brains because they see human memories, they're the only thing making them feel alive. It makes sense don't you think? Though I also honestly thing that with half of this worlds population zombies would starve but let's leave that aside for now. Imagine that learning about a girl from eating her boyfriends brain. I mean I heard of some pretty unusual dating techniques but this one might take the spot for the strangest lol. So from seeing Julie and from learning about her this way R decides she's not food but to be protected ''keep you safe''. Cute. 

While R feels guilty about killing Perry we learn from the book that everything is not what it looks like when it comes to Perry, who keeps on living through R and his memories. So from here on Julie and R walk on this path together, trying to discover what Julie stirred in R, why is he changing, and if these changes in him could be transferred to other zombies as well. I keep telling you guys, only love will heal the world. Nothing else. Love is the cure. But of course when were things ever as easy? Never. Of course the odds are stacked against them and of course everything that could go wrong essentially will also go wrong. Including with the meddling of Julie's crazy father. There's always gotta be a crazy someone ruining a love story huh? Humans really do destroy everything beautiful. 

I'm not going to go into the details of the entire ''crazy'' that happens to R and Julie along the way because then I might as well write down the entire book. But what I will tell you is things I learned from R. 

- Humans are absolutely scarier than zombies. Worst kind of animals that will destroy everything good left in the world. 

- It's most definately not our words but our actions that speak about who we are. Words are just words. Mostly overrated anyways.

- A name is just a bunch of letters, put together they form a word, pulled apart they're nothing. A name is a name, it's meaningless in the bigger picture because people usually don't remember you by your name but by what makes you you. Your actions, your beliefs, your identity. 

- Sometimes life goes up, sometimes life goes down, like an elevator. And sometimes the power goes out and you're stuck. 

- Sometimes having a brain makes a huge difference. Unless of course you ate your last piece then you're fucked. 

- Humans absolutely need that connection. Love is what jump starts R's heart and starts the healing process. We all need that someone that understands us and loves us like we deserve to be loved.

- Never underestimate the power of the perfect song that can say so much more than words ever could.

- And most important, never judge a book by it's cover. Sure, R is a zombie but that doesn't mean he'll rip your head off at the first chance he gets. People are rarely what you imagine and expect, why should zombies be any different? 

Maybe this book hits different in current times. Maybe we're all living in a zombie apocalypse only our zombies are alive, the dead part is only the humane part in us. Maybe we let it get this far by letting ourselves be controled and governed by things that never should play a part in our lives in the first place. Maybe that's why we're no longer human, just chasing things we'll never get, things that essentially don't even exist. 

Actually I picked up this book (well movie first but you get the point) looking for a little break of the typical vampire – human romance but what I found was a different kind of love. Love for a story that seems superficial but it's really deep with it's offering of a view on life. How if could be. How it is. And things that matter most, all those beautiful fragile things that we should fight to the death to preserve. All those little things that make us human, things that essentially make life worth living. They seem far and few but honestly, they keep us going. 

I'd absolutely recommend this book to everyone who's into a little romance and a little gore. And those who aren't, well get on with the program. Lol. 

P.S. Here's a little bonus, the tiny doodle from the picture above, it's actually my favourite scene from the movie, it happens a little bit differently in the book but still. And while we're on the topic of the movie, just how dare you…how dare you make the zombie that attractive? Wtf. 

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong in the broken places.

''Ma che diavolo stai facendo?'' That's pretty much what I ask myself every morning when I put salt into my coffee or try to unlock my car with my iPod instead of car keys. I have no idea what's been going on lately, I'm way pass that come si dice? Confuso. Or well confusa if you prefer since I am in fact a girl (You'd not believe how many ''wait you're a girl?'' messages I get on Instagram…uh? Odd.). I think I've done all but sleep walked lately. But that just might be due to the fact that I don't sleep much. People tell me things like three times before I understand them, simple tasks, like ''put sugar in the red cup''…I really should pay attention, salty hot chocolate? Good. Salty coffee? Not so much. Maybe my brain is permanently asleep from the world around me, or the fact that it lacks challenge, or the fact that my regular depression is mating with seasonal depression which is mating with the gloomy gray constant rainy weather. Probably I'm transforming into a lizard, under my solar light basically 24/7. Ugh. Someone call Kafka.

Add some ridiculously sad music because all I listen to lately is my ''crying playlist'' on my iPod. No, you really don't want to know. And then I wonder if this darkness will ever lift. Well it doesn't fucking look like it and I'm adding to it myself. Sigh. 

I actually had a record review planned for today (or a book review, finally got into Warm Bodies) which felt ridiculous because I honestly haven't listened to a vinyl since…cazzo…I think it's been a full year by now. I know the music on the record I was supposed to review of course, but it still felt stupid. I really need some peace and quiet and alone time to enjoy my music again. And maybe some perspective in life to actually care about music again. And possibly no family at the doors of my room when Annihilator is playing asking me ''oh my god, does he sing ''like a penis rising''? '' um no. He's singing ''Like a phoenix rising'' get your damn mind out of the gutter. Speaking of Annihilator, I used to have their ''Set the world on fire'' album, figured I'd get a new copy because I always loved that one, and oh my god have you seen the prices? No matter how much I enjoy ''Phoenix rising'' or how much it reminds me of the smell of pumpkin spice latte and crispy mornings, with a certain blondie singing that song to himself while making that latte…sigh...some things are too expensive and some things, the best things, the best memories now, can't be bought with money. 

So random but, I caught a part of a conversation the other day on the street, between two women mind you. I'm not going to go into that whole ''brain dead bimbo'' rant because it's pointless…they talked about the ''worst things that could happen to them'' and I fell into a fit of giggles. Ladies if you're reading I owe you beer, coffee, coke, whatever is your poison because you made me laugh for the first time in over a month no joke. So what's the worst thing that could happen to these two? Breaking a heel on her brand new LV shoes, I mean I get it they're pretty shoes, but is that the worst thing? Having to do dishes right after her nails ''set''. What does that even mean? I'm such a poor excuse for a girl I know but what is ''set nails''? Dry nail polish or what? Or god forbid, her husband buying her a new car for her birthday and that car isn't red but black. Lol, must be a tough life, getting a car for your birthday that isn't the right color. But that's besides the point, for the rest of my walk I thought about the worst things I could think of happening to me, the ironic part is I have little left because all of them already did. Call it destino or whatever the fuck you want to but mostly…I have nothing left to lose, nothing left to fear. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. A friend told me once, that us damaged people, people that fear nothing are the most dangerous because we have nothing left to lose. I guess he had a good point.

Then I realised there is one thing, one thing that qualifies under the ''worst thing in the world'', one that feels like the sun will never rise again, and you know what that is? ''Being away from the person you wanted to spend your entire life with''. Yeah. That fits the bill. When you know that someone is just right for you and you for them, and everything is perfect and yet there's always something, the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong…everything. That is hell. That kills you bit by fucking bit daily. 

What can you possibly say or do when you're not enough to make someone stay? What can you do when you meet the love of your life and realise it's all about that perfect timing? The perfect timing that never happens mind you. How can you process and accept that no matter how perfect you are for each other, circumstances get in the way? Tell me, how do you fight this kind of destino?

One of my best friends (you have no idea how much I fucking miss you every single fucking day) was a big fan of ''Kintsugi''. You know what that is? Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by gluing the broken pieces together with powdered gold or simply painting the cracks golden. The point of it is to embrace the flaws and imperfections, to understand that broken things can be fixed, can be beautiful and can be even stronger. ''Scars'' are just part of life after all. He encouraged me to try it, because practicing fixing broken things may help fix what's broken inside of me. Great relaxation technique and a rescue to my favourite Halloween lantern that a cat knocked over and I couldn't say goodbye to, but nothing lasts forever and even slowly putting myself back together backfired. Said friend left and ever since nothing is okay no more, nothing inside me can be fixed no more and you know why? Because he took several pieces with him. Here's my advice to you guys though, we all go through rough times, some of us manage to put ourselves together faster and better, some never at all but while the critical world does nothing but judges your ''scars'' and cracks and imperfections, it misses out on the beauty how you managed to make yourselves whole again. Screw the world, don't let it piss on your progress and healing.

Another random wisdom of said friend, ''you know us broken people will always be able to love harder than the rest, we've seen the dark, we spent too much time in the dark, we learned how to appreciate everything that shines''. He didn't see though that he was one of those bright shiny things and the world, at least mine, is much much much darker since he's been gone. 

I know this post is a mess, a mess of confused ramblings, or just a mirror image of what's been going on in my head. A mess. Maybe this is why I should stick to music and books, at least there it's some form, pattern, some sense, meaning whatever you want to call it and not a mess of everything and nothing. I'll shut up and go back to two! drawings of blond boys that I'm working on. I know I know shut up don't say it. Look, I'm a simple woman I see blond hair, blue eyes and a pretty smile and I get a little stupid. Shit happens. One of said boys is Dan Stevens (wtf another Britt I'm fawning over? What's happening?) as Alexander Lemtov in the movie ''Eurovision song contest: The story of Fire saga'', you guys seen it right? I mean it's stupidly perfect and funny and I live for Alexander no joke, drawing him was a ''crazy sexy time''. The other drawing…well keep it undisclosed for now.

Before I actually quit the rambling, how bout a song recommendation? ''Lion of love'' by Alexander Lemtov? Hah, joke, though it does lift my spirits each time I hear it…no but seriously, I've been listening to a Croatian band called Vatra which means fire. They have a brand new single out ''Nova godina nije se dogodila'' which means ''new year didn't happen''. Great song. Really speaks to my feelings atm. As well as the new Simple plan song which I'm trying so hard to hate but I can't. Sigh.

''Zar je moguče, bas sad kad krenula je proslava, na ulicama tisuče ljudi, jesmo li samo mi ludi? Dok svi odbrojavaju mi se udaljavamo. Bez tebe, nova godina nije se dogodila, cimet, niti marcipan nemaju okus koji znam. Bez tebe, nova godina nije se dogodila, bez tebe šuti vatromet, puca mi led pod nogama a hladni sjeverni vjetar gradom zavija sretan. I tužno pada snijeg kao da zna, može i drugačije.''

Cheers babes, enjoy the weekend and see you sometime next week, with that Warm Bodies review, spoiler alert? I fucking loved it!