Heaven isn't too far away.

Now the lights are going out, along the boulevard, memories come rushing back and makes it pretty hard.

I've got nowhere left to go and no one really cares, I don't know what to do but I'm never giving up on you.

Heaven isn't too far away closer to it every day, no matter what your friends might say we'll find our way.

Rest in peace angel.

February 1, 1964 - August 11, 2011

Heaven isn't too far away.

Oh my god you guys, Suicide Squad was amazing! Of course I'm pissed over so many Joker scenes being cut but I loved the movie anyways. Harley is amazing, she's just the right amount of crazy and funny, you have to love her. Careful Nikki your geek is showing. In that spirit let me share two of my latest drawings with you, Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn and Jared Leto as the Joker. The King and Queen of Gotham.

It took me well over 20 hours for each to complete, spread through a couple of days. Who has time to sit around drawing for 20 hours right? I wish I did to be honest. Art is my first love and nothing would make me as happy as making it a job as well. But then again a friend once told me, if life is happy you're doing something wrong. At the time I thought he was too pesimistic for his own good, lately I tend to agree. Anyways this blog is not about this, there's enough negativity in my life as is, no need to whine and complain here as well.

I used completly basic Faber castell colored pencils set of 24 sometimes less is more, Koh I noor graphite pencils numbers 2B and 6B, technical pencil 2B for tiny details in the eyes and teeth, white ballpoint pen, a shading tool and a lot and I do mean A LOT of nerves on Harley's hair. White paper and white hair do not mix well. If nothing else it's a good patience practice. I hope you like them, I am for the first time really satisfied with my work so I sure hope you enjoy them as much as me.

Now I advice you to step away, this post is going to get real fucking sad real fucking fast. Yesterday was August 11th as you know. And despite it being my mothers and Chris Hemsworths birthday I hate it more then anything on this planet. Why? Because of 11.8.2011. The day that ripped out my heart. There were plenty of dates like that in the past, some worse some better...yet this one...this one fucking hurts. It's the day Jani Lane passed away and I miss him like crazy. I know you're going to say I'm crazy, you're going to say I didn't know him, you're going to say...whatever else it is that you're going to say...but here's the thing, Warrant are one of my favorite bands, I love their music so much, I love him so much and the thought of him struggling so much, I know he wanted to be sober, I know he wanted to get better and I know that all the evil shit people were saying about him really got to him...knowing all that and knowing he fought so hard and didn't make it, it breaks my heart into little tiny fucking pieces. I wish things turned out different, I wish he was happier, I don't even care if he'd make more music or not, I just wish he was happy. And that is obviously a wish I'm not getting. This is a band that just like Guns n' Roses it's been in my life for so long that I can't even remember when I started liking them. Songs like Heaven, Sometimes she cries and Bed of roses are songs that I listen to when everything is completly wrong, when I feel like I'm about done with everything and life itself. I listen to his voice, or watch the 91' Tokyo full concert all over again. And it just...it makes me feel better. And I just can't bare the thought that he will never get to be happy again, or watch his kids grow up or graduate or get married and have their own kids...god...that hurts. Hurts like hell. And I said I won't let it get to me, yet it did so many times and it still does now, there'd be Heaven video on tv and I'd break down in tears, as stupid as it sounds I wish there'd be something I could of done, anything really...I wish I could punch every single person that said anything evil about him in their fucking throats. Why? What good did it give you? Do you enjoy brining pain to other people? Just because someone is a celeb you don't like you think that makes it right? Why so much hate? You don't like something that's fine but shut your mouth turn around and walk away. What's the point in hurting someone? Oh so because they're famous they can take it? They get a lot of critics anyways? Guess what? They're just people like you and me, nobody likes being brought down like this...I saw some comments about him and they made me sick, they made ME sick, can you imagine how he felt? He took everything to heart, all the nasty, rude, mean, disgusting stuff you said to him...can you imagine how he felt after that? I don't care about people's opinions, ever, I don't let it get to me but I'd be lying if I said that sometimes it doesn't hurt, all the sluts and whores and cunts I get slammed with. And I can't imagine how much worse that must be if you're not as tough as me, if you're not able to just laugh it off and walk away...

My sweet angel...I'm so sorry for the way things turned out, you were a musical genius, your lyrics were so good and honest and amazing we lost you way too soon...I'm so sorry for the way people treated you, the way life treated you, if I could go back and change something, anything, then I would no questions asked. I hope at least part of the whole heaven and hell is true and you're enjoying life somewhere right now. At least the thought of you being in a better place now makes me feel a little better. Maybe you're drinking with my best friend, he loved you just as much as I do...here's a lovely thought...I love you and miss you both, rest in peace and raise a little hell wherever you are.

And you guys, stuck down here with me, do me a favor and play a little Warrant this weekend, lord knows we need more happiness and good music on this planet. Y'all stay safe out there and enjoy your weekend to the max, that much more for those who don't have the chance to anymore.

''Find what you love and let it kill you.''

Well here we are guys. August 1st. I'm just going to sit here drowning my misery. Half of the summer is already gone and so far it's been a pretty damn horrible one. If it's not raining it's humidity to the max and if's neither it's too hot to even go outside. Of course going on vacation is just wishful thinking with all the finals I still have to study for and are coming up at the end of the month. Who can fucking study in this damn heat? And not to mention, finances for an actual vacation? Yeah that's not going to happen either. So I'm stuck at home, all summer, studying and working. There are hardly words to describe my misery. Suck it up right? It's going to be fine...Yeah someday. Someday everything is going to be alright. But that someday doesn't make today any better. But enough whining, that isn't going to help either. How about some music since that is actually making people feel better when they're down...

The other Warrant record...it's no secret that Warrant are one of my favorites. The old Warrant I mean. Got nothing against the new guy but I just prefer Lane. Which is also the reason why Heaven makes me want to start crying each time I hear it. God, Nikki suck it up. I suppose you could say I'm not doing so well with the fact that he passed away. So I said this before and I'll say it again about a hundred fucking times. Warrant had to be one of the most underrated bands out there. I mean they were so good and got only half the credit for their work. They were one of the best 80's glam, hair metal bands and nobody can take that title away from them. So this is the debut album, and to be honest if you thought you can't top it...well Cherry pie killed it. Cherry pie is a classic and one of my absolute favorites. But just take the ballads Heaven and Sometimes she cries, they are absolutely fantastic. I like to pretend what it would be like listening to them live when people still had lighters instead of cellphones and cameras...had to be amazing. I'm jealous of everyone who ever got the chance. And then you've got Down boys which might be one of Warrant's best songs ever, it's amazing. Here's the deal other bands were bigger and other bands were better. Maybe. Not really. Hah. But there is not one single band out there that would scream 80's hair metal better then they do. They were sleazy they were fun and obvously they were pretty. Come on they weren't stupid they knew their target group were teenage girls and obviously the whole point was surface and no depth. And it worked. Obviously there's a lot of hooks on this album and the ballads were mostly on it to sell the record to a wider most likely female audience that was probably sighing after Jani Lane and his oh so perfect looks. Don't try to deny it. I'm a woman. I'm just the same swooning over him. Ha ha. Though don't be mistaking these are slow moments but the album is a total party album, it's fast it's catchy and it's absolute fun. Not a dull moment or a filler on it. The only ''bad'' thing about it I think is that it didn't make an impact you know? It wasn't Appetite for destruction or Dr. Feelgood. Not that we blame them right? The album was made in that time for that time and that was that. It's a shame though, it would deserve much more attention then it got. Either way, it's a great album for all the fans, for all who feel nostalgic, for all who love classic glam hair metal, for everyone just getting into this type of music. It's a fun album and you'll enjoy it I promise.

Enjoy your week guys, I know it would be better if it didn't start with monday but whatcha gonna do huh? Stay safe, look after one another.

And if I'm wrong or if I'm right I don't give a damn tonight, you bring out the worst in me, you might be bad but sure feels good to me.

Basically it's been a week since Simple plan and if you think that I'm not really suffering from a post concert depression...well you are wrong. I am. Like big times. I hate this part so much. You get tickets and plan and wait for so long then it's over so fast. I mean why the fuck am I complaining huh? Already planning two new gigs...ah well...you know me what would I write about if I didn't mope and complain? My throat is still killing me. Cursing all the saints because of it. Jesus christ. I have an important exam tomorrow. What am I saying they are all important. Tho this one...I failed this one last year. An ART exam. Literally I failed an art exam. I had never been as mad or upset about school since. I mean I pass math but fuck up art? How is that even possible. It was all about some god damn architectural drawings that I obviously don't know shit about. I mean that's what's bothering me just because I can't do that doesn't make me a bad artist. I mean Monet could never do what Picasso did or vice versa and they are still Monet and Picasso. Not that I'm comparing myself to them but you get the point. So bottom line let's hope tomorrow goes better specially after the assignment was ''build a chair'' what am I fucking Jesus? He was a carpenter. I'm a portrait artist, what do I know about furniture? Obviously nothing. But I handled that better then I thought I will. It's the ''prehistoric sculpture'' that made me sweat like a whore in church. I gave up 4 times halfway through then managed to make a ''slob'' that's supposed to be a womans head. Like excuse me I wasn't around in that time I don't know what they did and how nor did I ever ventured into sculpting, I hate it. I despise it. And I wasn't excatly jumping to the idea of cutting my nails for this. Uh no.

Ah thank you iTunes shuffle for throwing out Sweet child o mine. I adore that song but right now I'd be better off without it. Still moping about missing Reckless roses on saturday yes. And I'll be moping for a while. Come on they are a really good band. And I'm still counting my blessings that Duff, Ax and Slash are actually in the same room that's a big deal alone I'm not going to get all excited that I might see then someday then have my heart broken again. No sir. I saw Guns 2 Roses once though and they were awesome. Hah. Alright alright enough let me get to the point. The records! How about a pick up line first?

''Roses are red, vinyl is black. Fuck the bouquet send me a stack''. Heh.

Now this weeks record is my baby. I will probably have to buy another copy just because I listen to this one all the damn time it's going to get all worn out hah. No seriously though it's perfect.

Oh by the way we strongly recomend plastic covers to protect your records in this house. Now the music. Oh my god. I love it so much. Like so much you have no idea. Even ''Cherry pie'' which is a little over played by now. It's my ringtone though and I absolutely adore it. Hah. Come on ''I saw red'', ''Uncle Tom's cabin'', ''Bed of Roses'', ''Blind faith''...amongst all the rest of course, such good songs I could have them on reply and never stop listening to them because they are just absolutely perfect. I love this record way more then ''Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich" though that one is good as well. But I really love and admire the fact that they stayed true and original to their sound. Like I say for every other record I own but come on guys this one also belongs in every collection. It's definitely an example of "metal" at it's finest, it's fun, rebellious, a little bit naughty. I love that about it. The naughty part heh. For the easily offended, purchase the copy that does not include "Ode to Tipper Gore", which is not actually a song but just a shit ton of profanities clipped from live performances. Lol. Mine doesn't have that unfortunaly. The guys in Warrant were clearly trying to make a point about censorship, but not everybody appreciated it. I know I'm not particulary happy about the ''beep'' on my Train Train when he says ''all a fucking board'' or should I say ''all a beeep board''. This band and this record is so underrated it's not even fair. I love it to a point where it's probably unhealthy but you know...I don't care. Hah. Favorite song...this is always the hardest part. All songs on this record are so good, like seriously every damn song is perfect but for some reason I'm going to have to go with Bed of Roses. I don't know, it's just...I don't even know I love that one most. Anyways buy it, steal it, download it, I don't even care what you do but get it because it's perfect and you'll love it. If you don't...then we can't be friends. Like literally we can't be friends.

''If the moon and stars should fall they'd be easy to replace, I would lift you up to heaven and you would take their place'' rest in peace angel, I miss you.

Well looks like I'll be staying inside for another day, feeling sorry for myself and maybe work on a drawing request that I have. It's a good one and by good I mean really hard I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it. Yeah that hard. But better that then drooling over online stores with records. My bank account already hates me because there's a problem I have ''just one more'' ''I promise this is the last one'' ''okay seriously no more'' she said about 20 records later. I have a problem I know. Hah. In the mean time enjoy this colored *!* piece of Mr. Bret Michaels. I keep getting shit for this but I do actually like Poison more then just ''Every rose has it's thorn'' so get over it.

Well guys have a great week, wish me luck tomorrow and I sure hope y'all Hiddleston fans are still alive after last night's The night manager because I'm pretty sure I have trouble breathing or even living after....THAT. It left me uncomfortably hot under the collar. Hah. Well take care, stay safe.

On a bed of roses, not beneath some motel light, on a bed of roses, she deserves to sleep tonight.

Darlin' I know you're sleepin' but there's something I've just got to say. Wonder if you'll hear me while you're dreamin' you make a lifetime out of every day. Thanks to you now I know all my dreams can come true.

Blind Faith in you, I got blind Faith in you.

Well seems like I'll be chewing my nails for a little while longer then. Bruce Springsteen keeps adding dates to the tour, Vienna is basically official, I mean there are tickets for sale already but nothing on the official site. Nothing. While another date has been added in Milan after selling out the first one in ten minutes. It's not that I'm freaking out or anything but I will be severly pissed the fuck off if I'm sitting here waiting for Vienna that won't happen and I won't have any tickets. That just won't do. So Bruce for the love of god. Put me out of my misery and make it official already would you? Thanks.

So how was your week then? Mine went from good to bad to just plain weird. Sometimes we all need a moment of breather don't you think? A little rest far from everyone and everything. Well if only it was as easy as it sounds. Life is rarely as easy. I've learned though that it may not be easy but in the end it's worth the fight. After all we are not our failures. Shit happens but you get up and try again. That's how it goes. You fall down and you get back up again. I've been told recently that I shouldn't trust anyone and to be fair it caused a serious battle inside of me. In a way they were right. Who can you trust these days? Besides yourself? And in a way they weren't right. How can you even hope of friendships, relationships, love, commitment if you can't trust the other person? I mean it's true, most people are not worth your trust as is. They disappoint you, they let you down, they hurt you...but guys, those people don't matter. Those who stay with you through everything are the ones that matter. People who support you, care about you, love you...Those are the people that matter. Those are the people you should keep around. And you should do the same for others, you should care more about your friends. Maybe they're going through something but don't say a thing and let it eat at them on the inside...don't let them suffer alone, let them know you're there for them. Do something kind for a stranger, hell smile at one. We should all learn a little more positivity it would do a hell of a lot better to the world. I know I would feel a whole lot better if strangers wouldn't glare at me on the street because of...whatever reason it is. The clothes? The piercings? I really don't understand it. There's actually a whole lot I don't understand. Why are we so set on judging a person by the clothes they wear? Or by the group they belong in? Biker - bad. Metalhead - satanic. Country - redneck. You know what I mean? It's insane. I mean I like records does that make me a turntable? I think not...Speaking of records check out what came in the mail for me yesterday...I couldn't be happier or more in love with it.

Can't even believe this was missing in my collection for so long. It is right next to other favorite most important albums and I could not be happier that I finally have it. In almost mint condition as well. Life can be good sometimes not going to lie. Not to mention it's only ten days till I see my favorite boys again. It's been too long. Way way way too long and I've missed them terribly, now they're back and with a new record that's just perfect...*not that I would know, living in Narnia means not having it yet* point is I am extremly excited about the concert. Though of course there's been some concerns from the family about safety. We've sure came a long way when instead of fucking excited you're scared. I'm not. But some people may be. It just really saddens me. Concerts should be a safe happy place, a place where you can get an escape from life, worrying, problems...and it looks like lately they're so fucking far from that. It saddens me. It saddens me because those venues are my safe haven as well and now I'm all jumpy when people start talking about safety. It fucking sucks alright. These are dark thoughts again. Jesus, why can't I seem to let those go? Hah. Either way, here's another drawing I wanted to share with you, it's Jani Lane of Warrant again, inspired by their song Bed of roses which really is one of my all time favorite songs. So enjoy it and enjoy the weekend. Take care!

Your eyes keep things well hidden just a hint of what you're feelin' inside. And the first day that I met you I consider that the first day of my life. Thanks to you now I know all my dreams can come true.

Blind Faith in you, I've got blind faith in you and I'm not sure I deserve, someone so true, but I love that you think I do.

With You and Faith, beside me, I'm feelin' stronger every day, I've got blind faith in you.

I was standing, you were there, two worlds collided and they could never tear us apart.

Sometimes I'm lost and then I'm found, sometimes I feel turned inside out. I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside. Instead of love we tend to hate, we never quite appreciate how much the other person cares or tries.

I have a confession to make. I had no idea Jani Lane had passed away. Which you know it wasn't such a bad thing because for the past two days since someone whacked me with the truth I've been feeling completly depressed. Completly totally depressed. Warrant have a special place in my heart I share some of my favorite memories with their songs not to mention I absolutely adore their music...Everything sucks cuz you're not around Jani. I really am sad yes. Life is so unfair sometimes. You know what? I refuse to believe it. There. I'm just gonna sit here happy in my own world. Ignoring the truth. Sounds like a plan right? I'm gonna put on their music and enjoy the moment. Maybe watch them play in Japan again. There's a video of the entire concert on youtube. Horrible video quality but the sound is pretty cool and I maybe seen the entire thing about 4 or 5 times already. Fuck it. Hah. It's perfect. Here have a look...

I listened to The bitter pill on reply last night. It just...it really told how I felt. Love can be a bitter pill sometimes.

Heaven isn't too far away after all. Rest in peace my sweet prince, I'll miss you so much.

In other more uplifting news...This perfect fucking thing came out today.

And just when I thought I couldn't be more in love with them well it happened. Fell in love with them all over again and stronger then before. This brought all the memories back of an angry, rebelious, teenager screaming along to Shut up with the radio up as loud as it goes. Hah. Seriously I'm completly in love this album is so good. Like SO good. It's punk rock, it's fast, it's catchy, it's fucking perfect. And guys! I get to see them again in just two weeks. Honestly the thought of that is making my head spin and my guts tangle up. I am so excited. Do check them out please. You'll love them either if you knew them before or not.

They make me see that life is in fact beautiful and that a bad day doesn't mean a bad life and I will be forever grateful to them for pulling me out of my darkest, deepest, lowest hell. So guys, put on your favorite music, go out, enjoy some fresh air and sunlight. It's not so bad. Life is beautiful, the storms you're in will pass, the rain will stop. It's going to be okay in the end.

Stay safe this weekend whatever you may be up to. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Warrant tape and a bottle of Jack somewhere screaming my name and two broken hearts that need fixing. Good luck with that one aye? Come on. We all deserve to sleep in a bed of roses and not under motel lights. Take care!