We'd go down to the river and into the river we'd dive.

Now those memories come back to haunt me, they haunt me like a curse. Is a dream a lie if it don't come true or is it something worse. That sends me down to the river though I know the river is dry. That sends me down to the river tonight, down to the river my baby and I. Oh down to the river we ride...

Have you ever looked at the Boss' lyrics? Like I mean really look at them. You could make movie scripts out of one song. He tells stories with his songs...beautiful ones, angry ones, disappointed ones, nostalgic ones...And you have absolutely no idea how much I really miss that. I mean what is music lately? Sluts, hoes, swag? Come on. Where's the romance? Love? Rebelion? People wanted to have their hearts broken just to write a good song about it. I miss the music that carried a message, music that inspired you, made you feel things, music that touched you. Because to be fair all that music on the radio now actually makes me wanna do is roll my eyes excessively and get stuck somewhere between wanting to throw up and die just so I won't have to listen to another brain dead song again. Christ. No wonder kids are so damn stupid these days. All the reality shows, the brainless music, the movies they watch? Sweet jesus. They're not smart enough to realize that this is excatly what the world leaders want. Youth too stupid to revolt. If they, well hell, if we'd stand up and fight we could make a revolution. But I guess people are comfortable in their misery. If you shrug it of with ''what can I possibly do'' then you can never do better, you can never hope for a better life a better future. Or a change. I've read it the other day how it's the artists that see the world differently, the people in it, life in general and it's the artists that are often lonely, missunderstood or just plain unhappy in their environment. Fucking wonderful huh? It's a blessing and a curse. Maybe I'd be happier in general if I wasn't an artist if I was just one of the other random brain dead kids whos only fun is getting drunk on friday nights and watch stupid television shows that literally kill brain cells. And then on the other hand what am I without my art? I love drawing, I love photography, I love my music and I can never imagine being without it. I'm just frustrated I suppose...you know that one Simple plan song ''what the fuck is wrong with me don't fit in with anybody''...that's how I feel all the time. I just...I just don't fit in and I don't know how to connect with people, they're so different. I mean I don't even want these people around me. I don't want people that can't keep up conversations around me, I don't want people who's only highlight of their lives are parties, booze, makeup, shoes, boys. Come on. Don't you have bigger goals for yourselves? Is marriage and family really where it ends? I mean for fuck sake, don't you want to live? See the world? Experience life? Sure okay it's nice having someone in your life who's there for you through thick and thin, someone who loves you and understands you, if you're lucky enough to find a person like that in the first place...but still I don't think that should outweight all the rest. Honestly it's my biggest nightmare. Marriage, kids, mind numbing job from eight to four each day, lunch with the neighbors or picnics with friends on the weekends, a golden retriever, a white picket fence, a god damn Prius and and the same vacation spot each summer till the day I die. Oh my god. The thought of it gives me anxiety. Give me a gun now because if that's what my future would be like I don't even want to live to see it. I suppose this is the reason I feel lonely. People just don't see eye to eye on this one with me. I always end up being the weird one, the insane one. But seriously what is so crazy about having my own life as a priority? I want to travel, live, see the world, have a career, be fucking independent. I mean that right there was always more important to me then getting married and having kids. There's so much more to life then just work breed and die. I wish people would see that. Or if nothing else I wish people would understand we're all different, we have different goals, wishes, looks on life and we need to learn how to respect that. Nobody has the right to put somebody else down for something they want to do in their life. If you wanna be a stripper a porn star a prostitute, by all means go for it, I wouldn't dream putting you down for that because I know it wasn't your first choice and I know it takes guts to do a job like that. People need to learn to keep their mouths shut and their noses out of other peoples lives. You don't like my desitions, plans, choices, likes, dislikes, wonderful. But turn the fuck around because I am not here to please the ignorant. It's my life and I am just about done with ''you should, you could, you can't, you're this, you're that'' uh - oh no sweetheart oh no, it's my life, my way, your opinion? It means nothing to me. I don't enjoy being lonely but so help me god better lonely then five more minutes of terrible company. I learned that the hard way. A couple of times, because you know it, I don't make a mistake once, I make it a couple times just to, you know be sure. This is also the reason why I wish I could meet my favorite singers, it's not a groupie thing, or a dating thing or anything else along those lines, I wish we could sit down and talk, about life, love, the world, people...be friends you know...because in this fucked up world where everyone is just staring at me like I'm a complete psycho, they'd understand. I know they would. Alright I'm making this insanely long and I have a feeling y'all snoozed through it a couple times. Hah. If you're still with me thank you, I appreciate you comming this far. Here's a little drawing of the Boss I did yesterday. Finally. It only took me about seven tries till I got it right, and this is the first drawing in a long while I'm actually completly happy with...

How about something more positive to end this post with...I won't be seeing the Boss in Austria as I planned but I will see him in Milan two days sooner. Already got the tickets and I'm over the moon about it. Also I'm seeing my favorite boys again on Sunday and they are bringing Ghost town along! That's two days! Oh my god! For the third time already! I still remember what it was like seeing them for the first time. I was so nervous and excited I accidentaly removed my eyeliner with nail polish remover...yeah that didn't go so well. Hah. Come to think of it second time wasn't any better, we took a quick stop in a cafe on the highway and I threw salt in my coffee instead of sugar. Great job Nikki. Hah. Honestly the Boss is the Boss but Simple plan are a band that means more to me on a different level. We ''grew up'' together. They've always been there. And I'll be forever thankful for that. So safe to say I'm super excited, back in one of my favorite cities and also in my favorite venue which I haven't been in since June 2013. Also there's something I wanted to share...

Just sayin'. So y'all enjoy your weekend, I sure as fuck know I will! And you'll hear all about it on Monday if you want to or not. Take care, stay safe, look after one another. Cheers!

I was standing, you were there, two worlds collided and they could never tear us apart.

Sometimes I'm lost and then I'm found, sometimes I feel turned inside out. I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside. Instead of love we tend to hate, we never quite appreciate how much the other person cares or tries.

I have a confession to make. I had no idea Jani Lane had passed away. Which you know it wasn't such a bad thing because for the past two days since someone whacked me with the truth I've been feeling completly depressed. Completly totally depressed. Warrant have a special place in my heart I share some of my favorite memories with their songs not to mention I absolutely adore their music...Everything sucks cuz you're not around Jani. I really am sad yes. Life is so unfair sometimes. You know what? I refuse to believe it. There. I'm just gonna sit here happy in my own world. Ignoring the truth. Sounds like a plan right? I'm gonna put on their music and enjoy the moment. Maybe watch them play in Japan again. There's a video of the entire concert on youtube. Horrible video quality but the sound is pretty cool and I maybe seen the entire thing about 4 or 5 times already. Fuck it. Hah. It's perfect. Here have a look...

I listened to The bitter pill on reply last night. It just...it really told how I felt. Love can be a bitter pill sometimes.

Heaven isn't too far away after all. Rest in peace my sweet prince, I'll miss you so much.

In other more uplifting news...This perfect fucking thing came out today.

And just when I thought I couldn't be more in love with them well it happened. Fell in love with them all over again and stronger then before. This brought all the memories back of an angry, rebelious, teenager screaming along to Shut up with the radio up as loud as it goes. Hah. Seriously I'm completly in love this album is so good. Like SO good. It's punk rock, it's fast, it's catchy, it's fucking perfect. And guys! I get to see them again in just two weeks. Honestly the thought of that is making my head spin and my guts tangle up. I am so excited. Do check them out please. You'll love them either if you knew them before or not.

They make me see that life is in fact beautiful and that a bad day doesn't mean a bad life and I will be forever grateful to them for pulling me out of my darkest, deepest, lowest hell. So guys, put on your favorite music, go out, enjoy some fresh air and sunlight. It's not so bad. Life is beautiful, the storms you're in will pass, the rain will stop. It's going to be okay in the end.

Stay safe this weekend whatever you may be up to. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Warrant tape and a bottle of Jack somewhere screaming my name and two broken hearts that need fixing. Good luck with that one aye? Come on. We all deserve to sleep in a bed of roses and not under motel lights. Take care!