Heaven isn't too far away.

Oh my god you guys, Suicide Squad was amazing! Of course I'm pissed over so many Joker scenes being cut but I loved the movie anyways. Harley is amazing, she's just the right amount of crazy and funny, you have to love her. Careful Nikki your geek is showing. In that spirit let me share two of my latest drawings with you, Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn and Jared Leto as the Joker. The King and Queen of Gotham.

It took me well over 20 hours for each to complete, spread through a couple of days. Who has time to sit around drawing for 20 hours right? I wish I did to be honest. Art is my first love and nothing would make me as happy as making it a job as well. But then again a friend once told me, if life is happy you're doing something wrong. At the time I thought he was too pesimistic for his own good, lately I tend to agree. Anyways this blog is not about this, there's enough negativity in my life as is, no need to whine and complain here as well.

I used completly basic Faber castell colored pencils set of 24 sometimes less is more, Koh I noor graphite pencils numbers 2B and 6B, technical pencil 2B for tiny details in the eyes and teeth, white ballpoint pen, a shading tool and a lot and I do mean A LOT of nerves on Harley's hair. White paper and white hair do not mix well. If nothing else it's a good patience practice. I hope you like them, I am for the first time really satisfied with my work so I sure hope you enjoy them as much as me.

Now I advice you to step away, this post is going to get real fucking sad real fucking fast. Yesterday was August 11th as you know. And despite it being my mothers and Chris Hemsworths birthday I hate it more then anything on this planet. Why? Because of 11.8.2011. The day that ripped out my heart. There were plenty of dates like that in the past, some worse some better...yet this one...this one fucking hurts. It's the day Jani Lane passed away and I miss him like crazy. I know you're going to say I'm crazy, you're going to say I didn't know him, you're going to say...whatever else it is that you're going to say...but here's the thing, Warrant are one of my favorite bands, I love their music so much, I love him so much and the thought of him struggling so much, I know he wanted to be sober, I know he wanted to get better and I know that all the evil shit people were saying about him really got to him...knowing all that and knowing he fought so hard and didn't make it, it breaks my heart into little tiny fucking pieces. I wish things turned out different, I wish he was happier, I don't even care if he'd make more music or not, I just wish he was happy. And that is obviously a wish I'm not getting. This is a band that just like Guns n' Roses it's been in my life for so long that I can't even remember when I started liking them. Songs like Heaven, Sometimes she cries and Bed of roses are songs that I listen to when everything is completly wrong, when I feel like I'm about done with everything and life itself. I listen to his voice, or watch the 91' Tokyo full concert all over again. And it just...it makes me feel better. And I just can't bare the thought that he will never get to be happy again, or watch his kids grow up or graduate or get married and have their own kids...god...that hurts. Hurts like hell. And I said I won't let it get to me, yet it did so many times and it still does now, there'd be Heaven video on tv and I'd break down in tears, as stupid as it sounds I wish there'd be something I could of done, anything really...I wish I could punch every single person that said anything evil about him in their fucking throats. Why? What good did it give you? Do you enjoy brining pain to other people? Just because someone is a celeb you don't like you think that makes it right? Why so much hate? You don't like something that's fine but shut your mouth turn around and walk away. What's the point in hurting someone? Oh so because they're famous they can take it? They get a lot of critics anyways? Guess what? They're just people like you and me, nobody likes being brought down like this...I saw some comments about him and they made me sick, they made ME sick, can you imagine how he felt? He took everything to heart, all the nasty, rude, mean, disgusting stuff you said to him...can you imagine how he felt after that? I don't care about people's opinions, ever, I don't let it get to me but I'd be lying if I said that sometimes it doesn't hurt, all the sluts and whores and cunts I get slammed with. And I can't imagine how much worse that must be if you're not as tough as me, if you're not able to just laugh it off and walk away...

My sweet angel...I'm so sorry for the way things turned out, you were a musical genius, your lyrics were so good and honest and amazing we lost you way too soon...I'm so sorry for the way people treated you, the way life treated you, if I could go back and change something, anything, then I would no questions asked. I hope at least part of the whole heaven and hell is true and you're enjoying life somewhere right now. At least the thought of you being in a better place now makes me feel a little better. Maybe you're drinking with my best friend, he loved you just as much as I do...here's a lovely thought...I love you and miss you both, rest in peace and raise a little hell wherever you are.

And you guys, stuck down here with me, do me a favor and play a little Warrant this weekend, lord knows we need more happiness and good music on this planet. Y'all stay safe out there and enjoy your weekend to the max, that much more for those who don't have the chance to anymore.