Heal me, I'm heartsick.

Do you know what it is about heartbreaks that hurts the most? Like that Rascal Flatts song says ''what hurts the most, was being so close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away''. Maybe it's all the ''what ifs''. Or the fact that you imagined your life with that person, like 10 years into the future, you saw your future with them and now it's just blank, empty, dark, hopeless. Maybe it's when something happens, good or bad, and all you want to do is call that person and tell them and just as you're about to dial their number you remember you can't…can you imagine the pain when that person who gave you the best memories is a memory? Or when people ask you if you know them and you say ''I used to'' while a million fucking memories fly through your mind.

How does biology explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when you miss someone so much it hurts?  I think about such things at four in the morning, sipping coffee watching the skies change colours and listen to my favourite playlist that includes songs that either he loves or remind me of him and us and our memories and moments and the funny part is,…music used to touch my soul, and coffee used to taste like magic, and now,…now everything is just gray. What's that about?

Maybe heartbreak is watching that person hug, kiss, love someone else. Maybe that's what kills you in the end. Feeling like you're not good enough, like you're completely unloved and unwanted, maybe you lie to yourself that you needed this experience and this heartbreak in order to realise you deserve better. But do you really? What if what you had was perfect…but it just wasn't perfect for them?

Maybe the problem is that that one person who used to be everything to you, your entire world, center of your universe suddenly becomes everything that is wrong with you. The person that made you feel the happiest, makes you feel dead on the inside. Maybe this is the ultimate most painful kind of loss. When you lose someone, because they died, it hurts like hell, but you know that person didn't chose to leave you, you know they loved you and you know given the chance they would stay with you but this is different. A more painful type of loss, when someone decides to walk away, slowly melting away your soul and making sure they burnt every single tiny piece of your heart so there's nothing left to break anymore…maybe that's what's worse. Knowing full well they chose someone else over you.

I guess it's true what they say, you can be in a relationship for 2 years and feel nothing and you can also be in a relationship for 2 weeks and feel everything. Time has nothing on love, or pain or heartbreak.

Maybe in another life we could've made it, maybe we could've gotten that place in the city we were looking at and maybe we'd stay up late, barefoot in the kitchen making pancakes in our silly matching pyjamas. Maybe we could've decorate our place with our favourite art and go to museum dates all the time. Maybe we could've adopt that puppy we both wished we had….maybe we could've wake up every morning just feeling lucky to be in eachothers arms, maybe we could've be nothing but happy, but these are just dangerous thoughts and fantasies because when all is said and done, I'm sitting here alone still drinking coffee at 4 in the morning, listening to your favourite records and you're not here and you love her and not me.

It's true that when you're happy you enjoy the music but when you're sad you understand the lyrics…

In that spirit when I managed to turn off Sam Smith the cliche that I am (sorry Sammy, you know I love you) this is pretty much the only thing that's been spinning on my player for about a week…

I don't know much about these to be honest, save from the fact that I love them of course. They contain so many of my favourite song and artists. Sometimes it's nice to play a mix instead of listening to a whole album just to hear your favourite song.

The first one starts with ''Is this love'' by Whitesnake, which is a  song I always loved. First time I heard it live…tears, tears and more tears. Not much has changed to be honest it's still able to stirr up emotions. David's voice is beautiful, it was perfectly sung years back when his voice was so silky and it's perfectly sung now with a raspy voice too. Can you imagine though, the love he sings about? A love so strong that you just can't imagine life without that other person?  When you find that someone and you just long to be with them forever? I think that's what the song is about, endless love, a conection so strong nothing and nobody would break. ''I can feel my love for you growing stronger day by day, an' I can't wait to see you again so I can hold you in my arms…'' yeah that feeling.

Another song on side one is ''Keep on loving you'' by REO speedwagon. Not my favourite band at all but this song is beautiful. ''And I meant every word I said, when I said that I love you, I meant that I love you forever''. Wouldn't life be simple if it was like a retro pop song or metal ballad in this case. Wouldn't it be magical? I heard this song was written by Kevin Cronin after he found out his wife was cheating on him before they got married but instead of leaving her he decided to ''keep on loving her no matter what'' because that's what he promised. Excuse me while I fall on my bed, face first, and cry for a week. Why do we hurt ourselves like this? Makes no sense does it.

Side two starts with Scorpions ''Still loving you'' which is probably like a stab in the heart. Not enough to kill but enough to hurt. Why? You know how a single song can suddenly flash so many memories in front of your eyes? Yeah…Scorpios do that to me. So many amazing memories, one, a very movie like one, and it was perfect and now it's just painful. I loved this song always though, it's a beautiful song. See there's bands like say AC/DC who never wrote or preformed a power ballad in their life. Respect boys, respect but also what the fuck? Power ballads are what Godfather is to movies. You just can't not have it? People say such ballads are for pussies. I say those people are afraid of emotions. That's what power ballads are for me, stripped of everything but their voice, every emotion laid bare, the artist lays all his emotions on the line and when written and preformed right, you can feel everything they felt when the song was written. You know that little moment when the song slows down, the music drowns down and it's just their voice, rock musicians have such amazing, powerful voices and listening to them sing something emotional, something with so much feeling, that is a whole different experience. A ''sky full of lighters'' moment. Still wishing to cross that off my list but unfortunally all I see are cellphones. Modernity huh?

I guess ''Still loving you'' is that moment when he knows he really really really badly fucked up something. Like fucked your best friend in your bed or car kinda fucked up bad and this song is a six plus minute long apology and begging to take you back. It's a rollercoaster this one, so much tension and so much emotion. And this song is often overlooked just like ''You and I'' because of ''Wind of change'' which okay being tied to the fall of Berlin wall is far more important as a statement but not nearly as good as a song. Or pray tell ''Dust in the wind'', just no. Makes me wonder, this one, how things ended. Happy? Unhappy? Did he get a second chance after all?

Gary Moore ''Always gonna love you'', ''I'm always gonna love you, if loving means forever, I'm always gonna want you. I don't think I could ever, just forget the love we had.'' Need I say more? Perfect broken heart song.

What's also on side 2 is Europe's ''Carrie''. There's always a song with a girls name aint it? At least it's Carrie (isn't there a horror movie with a Carrie in it?) and not Candy or Melody, those give me serious stripper vibes. This is a song that is so overplayed my god. Europe has so many better songs, but like I saw them play years ago and Carrie is the only song everyone was singing along. No wonder. It's still a good song though and a worthy pick for a mixed ''tape''. (can't help it mixed tape just makes sense, mixed vinyl? Odd.)

Side two closes with what's gotta be my favourite moping song. I'm such a cliche, literally the person that will lie in bed, eat Nutella with a spoon and cry over this song. Nazareths ''Love hurts''. I know I know, don't even say it. On a better day I'm the first one to mock them ''who hurt you'' but on days like today, this song just makes sense. And honestly, if this song doesn't make you feel something than you have no heart at all. At the very start, whrn that guitar gently plays, with a couple cymbal crashes and then McCafferty's voice ''Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and mars, any heart not tough or strong enough, to take a lot of pain, to take a lot of pain, love is like a cloud holds a lof of rain, love hurts''. If you don't feel his pain in his voice, in these words…well bless you, you've never really been hurt I suppose. I can only imagine what it must of been like, to hear this live for the first time…woah. And then that solo comes around, and that one single note it's like a blade to the heart. It makes the tension stronger, it makes the pain more intense and it conveys every ounce of pain ever felt by anyone who's had their hearts broken. My heart hurts listening to this each time, so well done Nazareth, you're right. Love does hurt.

Other songs on this album are ;

Side one:

-          Whitesnake – Is this love?

-          MSG – Time

-          REO Speedwagon – Keep on loving you

-          Heart – Alone

-          Darxon – Hungry

-          Phenomena II – Did it all for love

-          Magnum – When the world comes down

Side two:

-          Scorpions – Still loving you

-          Gary Moore – Always gonna love you

-          Steeler – The deeper the night

-          Strangeways – Goodnight L.A.

-          Bonfire – Give it a try

-          Europe – Carrie

-          Nazareth – Love hurts

And then there's Volume 2, with a better cover picture (respect to the artist) and equally good opening song. Cinderella ''Don't know what you got (till it's gone).  Cinderella are on my top fave bands as is, I keep saying how damn underrated they are and especially Tom as a singer. His voice is pure magic and they would deserve far more credit than they get. This song is so packed with emotion, my god. Energy, power, emotion, everything flying everywhere. It's also their biggest hit. Not surprising really, even if other songs as I said deserve more credit as well. It's not so much about love lost, Tom said the idea for this song came to him one day while driving to the studio when he thought about all the success and how great his life is and how devastating it would be if it all went away. I actually love the story Tom told about this song. When he first told the great late Andy Johns about it, he was in no mood to listen to another half written idea and he said ''stop dicking around and get in here, there's work to do and we don't need yet another ballad.'' And when Tom badgered him and convinced him to play it for him, carried away by his piano playing and voice, and when he turned around this tall, buff, tough as nails guy (Andy) had tears streaming down his cheeks. ''At that moment I knew I had quite a song.'' Nothing describes the raw emotion better I'd say. Also that part ''tearing though my soul I just can't take another day, who's to blame''. I feel personally attacked by that strong emotional voice. Can I just for another moment say, congrats Tom, you went through hell and back and I am so happy you managed to defy all the odds. Respect.

Of course I can't look pass Poisons ''Every rose has it's thorn''. Poison are also my babies. I love all their music but I am sappy and stupid so obviously this one will be one of my favourites. Of course it's yet another song written after being cheated on. Ladies, I don't get you, you get yourself a man like that, and you cheat? I mean what? I'd love and worship him daily and be thankful he loves me like I love him, not fuck around with some cheap thrills. My god. Before we even move on let me just say I also feel personally attacked by the official video for this song. Especially first ten seconds. Are you crazy? Well the entire video really but especially the start. Holy shit, Michaels in this video is the reason I don't sleep at night (have y'all seen the maxi single cover? I die. Obviously I need it bad).

Aparently this song was written during touring for their first album and after a show Bret called his girlfriend, all homesick and lovesick and what happened? A man picked up a phone. He said it broke his heart and he poured all of his pain into this song. Well we can feel it, from that very first sigh on. I guess this is another perfect break up song. Another ''stab me in the heart it will hurt less'' moment.

Side two includes another one of my absolute fave babies, Motley Crue (dear god a reunion? My heart can't take much more after My Chem came back on the scene, are y'all aware they can both drop a new song at any given moment and none of us are ready??). 

''You're all I need'' by the Crue…well I'd personally go for the ''Without you'' instead but make no mistake this is a great song (before you really get into the lyrics and meaning that is). Back in the day (sorry but whats true is true, taking Panthers side here) Vince's voice was so amazing and I think it showed even more on slow songs what a really good preformer and singer he really is. The official video for this song starts with a warning ''The following video is based on a true story. The lyrical and visual imagery you are about to experience has been judged to be too strong by certain TV networks, both in the U.S. and abroad, and has been banned.'' And also ''but then who ever said that the six o'clock news was pretty?''. This is another bullshit case like censuring Poisons album was. The song / video talks about a violent relationship, doomed from the start, that ends when the man kills her, destroys their home and is taken by the police. Isn't this a story we've heard and seen countless of times? Isn't it important that this is talked about? Too many women (also men) suffer in such unbearable situations and the world just turns away till it's too late. Like Anna Frank said the dead get more flowers than the living because regret is stronger than just about any other emotion. So the video is too violent to be played on TV or too ''inapropriate'' but when we're all forced to watch degrading half naked twerking and ''Anaconda'' and other crap that's okay? Shit I'm clearly too old for this crap. Like Nikki said about this video it all has a positive and a negative side and people chose to only see the negative. It's not glorofying the tragedy it's raising awearness and sure as hell a lot less graphic then most of the crap we see on the news every single day. But the meaning stays I suppose ''You're all I need''. Don't we all want to be needed and wanted far more than just being loved. Love is love, but needing someone and feeling wanted and desired…that's far stronger. Either way, grousome lyrics and meaning aside, I love Vinces voice on this one, raw and emotional and perfect.

Other songs on this album are;

Side one:

-          Cinderella – Don't know what you got (till it's gone)

-          House of Lords – Love don't lie

-          Deep Purple – Soldier of fortune

-          Quiet Riot – Don't wanna be your fool

-          Darxon – Don't give up

-          Poison – Every rose has it's thorn

-          Bonfire –You make me feel

Side two:

-          Scorpions – Holiday

-          Kingdom Come – What love can be

-          Gary Moore – Empty rooms

-          Zed Yago – The pale man

-          Motley Crue – You're all I need

-          Nazareth – Dream on

You're right, the fact that I'm listening to such songs on repeat (as well as my ultimate favourite songs forever Bon Jovi's Always, Guns N' Roses November rain and My Chemical Romance The light behind your eyes) means someone hurt me and they hurt me bad. To say I've been through hell and back is an understatement but what else can one say. Music is the only thing that calms your soul, that is always there for you, that never gives up hope and never breaks your heart. To ''kids'' like us, it's the only comfort left on the planet. In the words of Mitch Lucker “ Keep listening to music, it gets you through everything. I promise."

Girls in black.

Have I mentioned before how much I hate local events? It's not the events alone, those are great. It's the people. People are awful. I will never ever never for the love of me understand why you go to a concert and get so damn drunk that you don't even know your own name much less where or why you were last night. Did I say how this guy was asleep through the entire GN'R set last Monday? I mean it's crazy. There are literal rock legends in front of you, the tickets cost a small fortune and you're too drunk to care. It's just...horrible. The bands deserve better too.

This time I was losing my mind at a local ''beer and flowers'' festival. Honestly it's more about beer then it is about flowers. Gallons and gallons of beer. And you know I'm no nun. I like whiskey. I like beer. I like just about anything containing alcohol. I like to have a drink every now and then but I never get drunk. Why? Because I know that thing called ''drinking responsibly''. There is absolutely nothing attractive about being completly wasted. And I wouldn't even care but I can't stand being hit on by random men, being groped by random men too, and I can't stand jumping outta way from being walked on, spilled over, thrown up on. It's exhausting. You come to listen to a band you like, yet people take all the fun out of it.

But enough about that, let's focus on Airbourne. I wanted to see them for a long time but I never got the chance. Imagine my happiness when I get the news that they're coming to my own country. A country nothing ever comes to. Miracle. Since it was a festival there were bands before them, and I actually watched Samantha Fox and found myself enjoying it. That was a crazy unexpected thing because honestly I didn't know her music at all before except of course ''Touch me''. She was actually really badass. People weren't though so by the time when she was done and I was already showered with beer *there was beer in my god damn cowboy boots* I decided to give up and play along. If you can't beat them join them right? A little harmless flirting *why would a girl pay for her own drinks?* and a drink or two later I didn't care no more either. And by the time Airbourne came on I was totally chill.

Now Airbourne. Holy shit they are wild! I swear the bass line was so strong my teeth were vibrating. In a good way though. Nothing like hard, fast music you can really let loose to and headbang and just go crazy. You know what I mean?

So the lights go down and they come to the stage like a god damn tornado. The crowd was just as wild from the first song to the last. Probably not too sober but let's not go there again. There were ''Too much, too young, too fast'' and ''Girls in black'', fantastic songs, even better live. Then of course there were songs from the most recent album. I loved how people were singing along to all songs, sometimes they only know the old or most known songs but no, they knew everything and it was amazing.

There was a moment too, right before they went into ''It's all for rock and roll'' where Joel explained that without Lemmy they wouldn't be where they are today and he was like ''so this one's for you Lem'' and of course the crowd responded with a wild roar. We all miss Lemmy it seems. There's something about the song too ''all around the world he left his mark and his ghost still haunts the stage''. It fits. I'm sure Lem would be proud of what the guys are doing today, maybe mostly of this particular song too, you can really hear Motorheads influence in it.

It went on with songs such as ''Raise the flag'', ''Breaking out of hell'' which I thought was just mindblowing and of course ''I'm going to hell for this''. Then the encore which hah was actually my favorite song of theirs ''Live it up''. Great song. In the middle of it they stop and they play a little game ''who wants a beer from Joel?''. He was histerical, threw a shit ton of beer cups into the crowd while giggling like a child in a candy store. No, he was adorable, really. Safe to say we weren't, I'm guessing at the end of the night we all smelled like an old dirty bar. If I had beer in my boots before the show, after it even my underwear was soaked. I'm not even joking. No wonder the band loved the concert here so much, their stage was literally right under a brewery, they probably had a hose pulled straight out of it or something.

The set ends with ''Running wild'' and Joel telling us that as long as all of us are alive Rock n roll will never die. Right on.

I think that if anyone had any doubts before the concert if they are or aren't one of the best live, metal, rock, hard rock bands out there, they sure showed them. They have such energy, so much power, they're so wild! You can not not love them. Joel is such a great front man, splitting open beer cans on your head? Who does that? Hah. Justin and Harri are also amazing, shit that headbanging...and did you know they have an old siren on stage? That was histerical really.

It was a great show, despite people complaining, firstly about ticket prices *like 15EUR is too much for such a band?* and secondly about music. They must be deaf.

The festival also has a spectacular fire, water, laser, firework show. It was completly out of this world. In tune with the music and completly breath taking. I never had fireworks exploading right above my head it was something else not going to lie. Here's the deal last time I was at this festival was probably 10 years ago. I was a kid, couldn't have a beer and didn't care about any of the bands playing so obviously I didn't care much about it. Not to mention drunks really ruined the moment for me so I once said ''never again''. We see how well that worked out right, but to be honest I'm glad I was there, it really was something else. And I might even consider going again next year. Who knows.

That's it from me for this week, I'm taking a little break. Cheers, have fun and stay safe.

Life is no bed of roses.

No record sharing today. It wouldn't feel right when there is something else on my mind. Something that is making my heart so heavy. I am so devasted really. Broken hearted. Hurt. Angry. Upset. All of the above. I learned that Tom Searle the guitar player of the Architects passed away. At only 28. It hit me like a ton of bricks really. And it still doesn't feel real. I'm still hoping it's a sick joke or a mistake or something. How do you find words at times like these? I know he was an amazing person, not just as an musician but as a human being too. So sweet, so kind, so smart, so handsome, so humble, so talented. This band made me think different and made me realize so many things and now my heart is breaking for them. Life is so unfair and this world is such a horrible dark place. I can't explain the sadness I feel inside. 2016 has been such a horrible year so far and there's just one thing I wish at this point. That it ends. Ends before any more people I look up to and admire die. Tom, you were so strong and so brave and you fought so hard, we are all so proud of you. You made a difference in all our lives and fuck will we miss you. More then you could ever imagine. I hope that wherever you are tonight you can feel all the love and I hope you are resting in peace knowing you will live on through your incredible music. I'm sending all my love to Dan, Sam, Alex and Adam and all the friends and family. My thoughts are with you, I hope you can find some comfort in all this hurt. Rest in paradise Tom. God we will miss you so much...

''Find a little light and hold it close.Don’t lose sight, of what matters most…''

''Find what you love and let it kill you.''

Well here we are guys. August 1st. I'm just going to sit here drowning my misery. Half of the summer is already gone and so far it's been a pretty damn horrible one. If it's not raining it's humidity to the max and if's neither it's too hot to even go outside. Of course going on vacation is just wishful thinking with all the finals I still have to study for and are coming up at the end of the month. Who can fucking study in this damn heat? And not to mention, finances for an actual vacation? Yeah that's not going to happen either. So I'm stuck at home, all summer, studying and working. There are hardly words to describe my misery. Suck it up right? It's going to be fine...Yeah someday. Someday everything is going to be alright. But that someday doesn't make today any better. But enough whining, that isn't going to help either. How about some music since that is actually making people feel better when they're down...

The other Warrant record...it's no secret that Warrant are one of my favorites. The old Warrant I mean. Got nothing against the new guy but I just prefer Lane. Which is also the reason why Heaven makes me want to start crying each time I hear it. God, Nikki suck it up. I suppose you could say I'm not doing so well with the fact that he passed away. So I said this before and I'll say it again about a hundred fucking times. Warrant had to be one of the most underrated bands out there. I mean they were so good and got only half the credit for their work. They were one of the best 80's glam, hair metal bands and nobody can take that title away from them. So this is the debut album, and to be honest if you thought you can't top it...well Cherry pie killed it. Cherry pie is a classic and one of my absolute favorites. But just take the ballads Heaven and Sometimes she cries, they are absolutely fantastic. I like to pretend what it would be like listening to them live when people still had lighters instead of cellphones and cameras...had to be amazing. I'm jealous of everyone who ever got the chance. And then you've got Down boys which might be one of Warrant's best songs ever, it's amazing. Here's the deal other bands were bigger and other bands were better. Maybe. Not really. Hah. But there is not one single band out there that would scream 80's hair metal better then they do. They were sleazy they were fun and obvously they were pretty. Come on they weren't stupid they knew their target group were teenage girls and obviously the whole point was surface and no depth. And it worked. Obviously there's a lot of hooks on this album and the ballads were mostly on it to sell the record to a wider most likely female audience that was probably sighing after Jani Lane and his oh so perfect looks. Don't try to deny it. I'm a woman. I'm just the same swooning over him. Ha ha. Though don't be mistaking these are slow moments but the album is a total party album, it's fast it's catchy and it's absolute fun. Not a dull moment or a filler on it. The only ''bad'' thing about it I think is that it didn't make an impact you know? It wasn't Appetite for destruction or Dr. Feelgood. Not that we blame them right? The album was made in that time for that time and that was that. It's a shame though, it would deserve much more attention then it got. Either way, it's a great album for all the fans, for all who feel nostalgic, for all who love classic glam hair metal, for everyone just getting into this type of music. It's a fun album and you'll enjoy it I promise.

Enjoy your week guys, I know it would be better if it didn't start with monday but whatcha gonna do huh? Stay safe, look after one another.

Born to raise hell

Have you ever listened to this song? It's a beautiful song, the lyrics...it's all I really want from life to be honest...

How are y'all doing today? Had a great weekend? I sure as hell didn't, spent half of it in pain and half of it stoned on pain meds. But let's not go there right now...you know what seems to help with the pain tho? Elvis Presley...he's got a magical voice...yeah, but I won't rant about Elvis and his voice today...today I'm pissed, at myself, at the world, at life so I'll rant about ''angrier'' music...

Motorhead, Motorhead, where do I begin? I have a long lasting romance with this band. Bastards is their 11th album and no doubt my absolute favorite. I loved Lemmy's voice for as long as I can remember and I loved him as a person, he was something special...and the band...the band is absolutely perfect. I remember watching Lemmy's funeral live stream, crying my eyes out...he wasn't just a musician you see, he was THE musician...I miss him yeah. I read somewhere once that Lemmy actually wanted to name the band ''Bastard'' and that didn't work out so well, aparently he was adviced against it since he would never make it on the charts with a name like that...hah I don't see why not but alright. I didn't grew up with Motorhead like with Guns or Bruce I learned to love them on my own. I guess that makes it that much more special. Maybe I can also say that it was Motorhead that got me into some of the heavier metal music that I love and listen to today. Even if Lemmy always claimed that the band is rock n' roll and not metal. Yeah yeah if you're a heavy metal fan you'd love to jump at my throat just about now, I get it but hey take it up to the man I'm only quoting him. Thing is this record is like the heaviest up to that point in time they put out and that's what makes it so amazing. I mean come on it starts with a fucking bang and goes out the same way. I love Motorhead but I can't remember another album that starts as strong as this one. I also love the fact that all these songs are so different, there are no songs alike and this makes it a wild ride. Though you know I said this is a really heavy record there's still ballads on them. I gotta say I was really suprised the first time I listened to ''Don't let daddy kiss me''. It was like a huge ''cultural'' shock to me. I wasn't used to something as soft from Lemmy and I was really surprised. The song is rather nice...because it's a ballad I mean...but maybe it gets in the way on this particular record not to mention the whole subject of the song is pretty...dark and brutal. I suppose what stuck me the most is that this is supposed to be a story of a little girl painting the ''world'', her world in a realistic light. Downright scary. A song about a father abusing his child and right after Bad woman? I don't know, something doesn't feel right here... And there's another thing that kinda sticks out to me did you notice the begining of ''We bring on the shake''? It sounds like it was ripped off from Van Halen. I mean I know it probably isn't...just saying what it sounds like. Oh! And I LOVED the ''Jumping Jack flash'' cover at the end. AMAZING job on that one. Unfortunally mine is a picture disc so it's not one it but it's amazing none the less. Here's the deal if there's one thing to really appreciate on this record *besides everything else I mean* then it's the solos. They are insane. End of story Motorhead can rock, all the good on this album definately outweighs the bad or that one filler. They say in their lyric ''we know how to do it and we do it well'' and they are damn right, this album is brilliant and so much fun, with attitude, straight up rock n' roll with a bit of punk and metal. What more could you ask from a band? So if you're a fan don't let this one slide by, you'll love it I promise, and if you're not...then it's just about time you become one.

Alright guys stay safe, party hard, put on some Motorhead and lets rage. I'll see you on friday.

Music Mondays

You know what I realized? I bet you're just dying to know another ''inteligent'' thing I come up with huh? Hah. I'm kidding. No but seriously. I thought these monday friday posts are a good idea, so I actually take time, sit down and write, instead of just randomly spamming the hell out of you, all days of the week. Well turns out it's not such a brilliant idea. Why? More then once I found myself sitting next to my laptop staring at the blank page without actually knowing what to write. And it's frustrating as fuck. I never considered myself a good writer. I kept a blog to write down shit I didn't want to forget. The good, the bad, sometimes the ugly as well but by no means am I a writer. I'm an artist though and if I understand one thing I understand that you can't force inspiration. I don't like ''frames'', ''boxes'', ''labels''. Those are stupid. I can't stand when people tell me ''oh you should paint...'' NO. No I shouldn't. I can draw pretty flowers and butterflies and bunnies if I want to but I can also draw bleeding zombies with their guts out spilling on the ground. My choice. That's what I hate most about art schools around here. They don't give you any freedom. They don't give you a theme and say do whatever the fuck you want just stay on this topic. No. They put you in a god damn box, saying you got to do this excatly like this. What? No. You can't judge my drawing ability by how well I can draw a central projection of a room. I will not be an architect. I'm an artist. A portrait artist. I like drawing people, animals, cemeterys. And I'm good at it. I get so fucking frustrated when someone judges my talent by how well I drew a room. Fuck you. Honestly. Fuck you. See this is what's wrong with people. Boxes. If you judge an inteligence of a fish by it's ability to climb a tree it's going to spend all it's life thinking it's stupid. And that just aint right. Just because some people can't do something others can does not make them stupid, it does not take away their talent to do something else. And this really angers me. People put people in their stupid frames, judging them when they can't do something. It's absolute insanity. Here's the deal, I suck at sports. Absolutely completly totally suck at sports. So what? That doesn't mean I'm not a good and fast runner. And I can't draw some things, like at all. Architectural sketches. City streets. Churches. Complicated houses. Water reflection. Yeah I can't draw that at all but so what that doesn't take away my ability to draw a really good portrait. I suck at math. I am like really really REALLY bad at math but so what? Being bad at school math doesn't mean I can't do business plans or calculate profits and shit. Thing is all my life school has been putting me in their boxes, telling me all they think is right is actually right. But it isn't. Thing is because of that I spent half my life believing I was stupid. Till I figured it out. That's excatly the point. Schools want you to be stupid. They want you to be in a box, they don't want your inteligence, they don't want you thinking. They want sheep. Sheep will not revolt, they will not riot. They will follow. Quietly. Patiently. Not caring if the world around them burns to the ground because that's what they were trained to do. Follow. Obey. And that is just not me. It's not who I am. I was not born to follow as Bon Jovi so perfectly said in one of their songs.

''We weren't born to follow, come on and get up off your knees. When life is a bitter pill to swallow, you gotta hold on to what you believe. Believe that the sun will shine tomorrow and that your saints and sinners bleed, we weren't born to follow you gotta stand up for what you believe.''

Which is the reason that made me realize why I can't get along with anybody. Here's the deal people my age are completly immature. I can't keep a converastion going with a girl that only cares about boys and make up and a guy that only cares about getting in my pants. It's just not how it works. I want people around me that understand life, I mean not completly because really who does? But just things you know, how the world works, how people work. People that know shit about politics, economy, music, art, or whatever else they're passionate about. I'm either getting older or I was never really young but mindless conversations about men, makeup, clothes, shoes don't entertain me. Don't get me wrong I love shoes, and makeup and fucking skinny jeans and band shirts and I love boys as much as the next girl or guy around, asuming we're talking about band boys right? Hah. But I am just not one to sit down, have a coffee and gossip. It's just so. Ugh. A waste of time. I like talking about things that matter. I like people telling me what they're passionate about, their dreams, their goals. Nothing quite like watching someone talk about something they love. When they get all excited and their eyes light up. I like talking about politics and religion, which I know is always a bad topic for making friends but here's the deal, I like to challenge people and I like to be challenged. I think you can tell a lot by a person based on who they support, who they love, how they react when their beliefs are being challenged. It's a good thing also because hey better realizing someone's a bad person and a shitty friend from the get go then wasting your time on them. My opinion anyways. Holy fuck how do I manage to get so off topic each time I'm trying to write something down? Thing is, I'm starting a new thing and it's going to be called ''music monday'' I'll show you one of my favorite records each monday and tell you what I love about it and my favorite song / songs on it. Not like I'll ran out of those since all my records are my favorite. Hah. But honestly what kinda world would we live in if I didn't start out with this one?

You know what I love about vinyl music? Not only the surface noise, the little crackling sounds, oh no. I love the fact that there's no skipping around like you do on CD's. You put your record on and you listen to it from start to finish. And the thing is back in the day that's what people did. They didn't watch MTV and buy records because of the single. They went to the store and decided based on album covers or just waited till the artists they loved put out something new. I love that they didn't have internet that literally spoils everything. Album leaks? Such bullshit. Early releases and such bullshit. God. Whatever happened to waiting patiently and listening to the entire thing when it comes out? Can you imagine the feeling? You've been waiting months for it, you never heard any singles off it so you don't know what direction the music went to and you finally get it and you play it for the first time. Man must be an amazing feeling. Not that I'll ever really know it. The media, the radio, the internet and the fact that I live in fucking Narnia are ruining that for me.

Either way. Dr. Feelgood is not just one of my favorite Crue records but one of my favorite records in general. The sound the lyrics the songs are perfect as is but this is the record I feel like they gave everything they got for. 110%. I mean they gave up on partying, the drugs, the booze. Nikki was probably sober and drug free for the first time in god knows how long and they were really commited to this album and it sure as fuck paid off. Their first and only record to top the charts. Every song but one were released as singles and 6 hit videos on MTV. The world tour that followed was sold out and they literally played everywhere. Well everywhere but here. Sometimes I feel like the lion or the witch or whatever the fuck is in that fucking closet gets more action then we do. The fuck is that about? We had Queen and Nirvana play here. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? No don't anwser I don't need no heartache. This record also got the The metal edge readers choice award in 1990 and an American music award for favorite hard rock album. That's just two on the top of my mind. Amazing how well I remember these things but never things that I should probably remember. Hah. Point is I actually love that they went ''political'' with Time for a change and proved there's a lot more to them then just a glam metal band that loves leather and hair spray. Let's be honest for a moment Tommy Lee on Kickstart my heart. Perfection. Without you still gets to me. And nothing like the party that is Rattlesnake shake. What is it with snakes tho? Rattlesnake shake? Shake it like a rattlesnake? The serpent dance? Not to mention all of Slashs' pets...

Chosing one favorite song is criminal, because I love the entire thing from start to finish. But if I absolutely have to, then I must go with She goes down. It's fast. it's wild, it's naughty. I just love it. Love the zipper sounds in it. I just love the whole thing. Hah. The only thing I absolutely hate about it is that this is the last album Vince did with the band for way too long. There's no Crue without Vince and nobody can convince me otherwise. Not to mention after he left grunge happened and literally flushed glam metal down the toilet. Fucking grunge. And hipsters that are trying and failing at being grunge now. Hey idiot just because you wear clothes too big and Doc's and your hair is a mess you aint no Kurt Cobain alright. Stop with your ''astethics'' you aint fooling no one. Fucking posers. Alright point here is. This is one of the best albums ever made and everyone should either own it or at least if you are not into this kind of music give it a try and listen to it. You might be surprised and actually enjoy it. Alright, that's it for today. Going to get back to this essay I'm writing or at least trying to write, then hopefully meet up with dad and get my laptop back. It's been too long. Way way too long. Y'all take care now.

xoxoxo