Say you're okay. I'm afraid that tomorrow is just too far away. Fight the pain, it just feels like forever is crashing down on me.

It's thursday night. Wait are you supposed to write day names with big letters? Well not that it matters right now. I decided to pull my shit together and write this post early because tomorrow is going to be busy, or not, dependes how the day goes. Long story and more on that later. It's been a damn long week. I was on my third coffee monday morning wishing it was friday already. You may notice I'm still alive after downing shots and watching All time low's Straight to dvd II. Can I just say I loved it? Like a lot. Great job guys great job. Worth the wait. Can't wait on that number three then. Hah. I have to say though the part ''for Gavi'' completly ripped out my heart. I can't stand, literally can't stand the idea of one of my favorite bands ever being so sad or so heartbroken. I get it they're not imune to sadness, but I just can't stand them being anything but happy. Maybe because of all the positivity and happiness they give me, and all the other fans, they deserve all the happiness in the world. I'm sorry for your loss boys. So sorry.

Which is what brings us to the second thing that's been making me want to jump out of my skin this week. Music related. You guys know the band called Of mice and men? Great band. Great guys. I saw them live once, one of the best moments of my life...they're a huge inspiration to me, them as people and their song lyrics. I keep a signed poster next to my bed making it the first thing I see each morning as a reminder that everything will be alright.

So their singer, Austin Carlile. I look up to him so much, he is the strongest, bravest, kindest human being I know. He inspires me daily to be better and to do better. He is amazing, how he handles his health problems, how kind he is to his fans, his ''family''. The sweetest person on this planet. So you can just imagine how I feel reading about his tour being cancelled due to health complications. I guess I find it a little funny that even though he's in pain and struggling he feels the need to apologize for cancelling the tour. Like that matters right now, the only thing that matters is his health and he's still putting his fans first to a point when it starts endangering his life. I admire him. For being so strong, so selfless, so courageous. I guess what I'm trying to say is, him and the band did so much for me, helped me in so many ways, saved me in a way as well and right now I am completly helpless, there's nothing that I can do for him now, except hope for the best and that is really killing me. I know he said not to worry about him because there are more important things happening in the world right now, which you know they probably are but that doesn't mean he's not a huge part of my world and that I won't worry sick about him.

I love you. Feel better soon, because the thought of you not being alright...it's something I can't deal with.

And while we're at it, I feel like someone is targeting my musicians because I just read that Frank Iero was in a car accident. Some news say it's serious, some say it's not. I don't know what's happening but I sure hope he's alright. I'll keep you both in my thoughts tonight, since I'll be awake probably all night trying to keep calm and convince myself everything is going to be alright. Which is most likely the case. But try telling that to someone who is basically 90% stress and maybe 10% human by now. Or maybe the last 10% could be depression. I have this problem where weather is killing me. This gray, gloomy weather is draining all my willingness to do anything much less live. But I'm getting off topic again, I know it may seem stupid to most people *trust me I hear it all the time* because aparently these guys are just musicians they don't know you, they don't care, blah blah blah. Not true at all. But truth is, everyone around me has let me down. Everyone. Family, friends, random people...being around my friends lately makes me feel like we're not even friends anymore, we've drifted so far apart that we're just people. People that live in the same town that once knew eachother. It's not so much that they've pushed me away, or they did, I don't really know, but they're not excatly fighting to keep me in their lives either. I always say those are the people we don't need in our lives. And we don't. But fuck they're the only people in my life and though they're awful and they treat me awful, without them I'm pretty damn lonely. I know I know better alone all your life then 5 minutes in bad company but lonely isn't too much fun either. And the people you say are just musicians? That they'll never care...well they're always here, I'm never really lonely with them. And to be honest nothing and no one can make me feel better in a heart beat like they do. Or as strong or as courageous or as happy. Music soothes the soul and heals the spirit. And there's not a damn thing in the world I would love more then my music or my bands. The bands that taught me every valuable life lesson that school and life never gave me. The bands that taught me how to laugh, really laugh, not just fake a smile. The bands that taught me how to love, what love really is and to fight for it. The bands that taught me to be courageous and put my heart and soul into things I believe in. The bands that taught me patience and compassion and that hate is poison that consumes you, a poison you don't need in your life. The bands that taught me to accept my own emotions that it's never wrong what you feel, you can't influence your feelings so you might as well embrace them. The bands that taught me that it's okay to grow up but keep the same young spirit, like the same things, do the same things. The bands that taught me hope, nothing is ever as dark as it may seem at first glance. The bands that taught me that no matter how awful things may seem, and no matter how down and trapped you feel, you will always get better, things will always be brighter. The bands that taught me to never give in, that falling down on your ass is just another reason to pick yourself up and start again. The bands that taught me that people are assholes sometimes and it's not my fault. The bands that taught me to know who my real friends are and to cherish them and keep them close. The bands that taught me the importance of family and how family doesn't always end with blood. The bands that taught me about wisdom, about choosing my words carefully in certain situations. The bands that taught me how to let it go sometimes, take a breath and really live. And most important lesson they taught me? That home is not where you are but who you're with. So no, it's not JUST music and these are not JUST bands. Everything I am today is what they made me, and I believe the good in me, the strength in me, and the fighter in me, it's all thanks to them and that is something I could never repay them. So next time before you open your mouth to insult someone's favorite band think about it first, maybe that band is the reason that person is still alive, or just happier or doing better. Maybe you're insulting someone's entire world. Unless we're talking Balkan turbo folk or Nicky Minaj's Stupid hoe or anything similar, then go ahead insult away, their sole existence is an insult to everything I call music. Other then that peace and love guys, we're all different, we like different things, we can't all be the same.

Enough from me for today huh? I'm going to throw myself into work, a new drawing I'm working on, a Jack Sparrow portrait because I may be a little too excited about the new movie they're making and catching up with the Supernatural premiere. Was it good? No! Don't tell me I don't want no damn spoilers. Hah.

Take care guys, hug your loved ones, stay safe.

P.S. Congratulations to Bob Dylan for the Nobel prize, well deserved.