Happy Halloween to all my rock'n'rollers, crash queens and motor babies.

''Look alive, Sunshine. 109 in the sky but the pigs won't quit. You're here with me: Dr. Death-Defying. I'll be your surgeon, your proctor, your helicopter, pumpin' out the slaughtermatic sounds to keep you alive. A system failure for the masses, antimatter for the master plan, louder than God's revolver and twice as shiny. This one's for all of you rock'n'rollers, all you crash queens and motor babies. Listen up! The future is bulletproof! The aftermath is secondary! It's time to do it now and do it loud! Killjoys, make some noise!''

''Alright, Children, the lights are out and the party's over. It's time for me: Doctor D to start running and say goodbye for a little while, and I know you're gonna miss me, so I'll leave you with this; you know that big ball of radiation we call the sun? Well it'll burst you into flames if you stay in one place too long that is if the static don't get you first. So remember even if you're dusted, you may be gone but out here in the desert your shadow lives on without you. This is Dr. Death Defying, Signing off.''

You can run away with me, anytime you want.

Have y'all seen how fucking fast My chemical romance sold out their two UK shows? That had to be like what 50 000 tickets per show? Woah. I mean I never saw this coming. I wonder if should they ever tour EU (jesus christ please announce dates already and put me out of my misery) I will even get tickets. I think I'd just die if finally FINALLY my time to see them comes and I can't get tickets. Either way I know I just did a review the other day, and that there were posts about them in the past but today it's still another one... Sorry, that's just how it is, you're gonna have to deal with it. This one is about my FAVOURITE album so excuse my excitment.

 

Danger Days: The true lives of the fabulous Killjoys. Like what can I tell you about this one? It's amazing. Everything is amazing. The story, the videos, the music, the vibe, the feelings, the emotion, the tension, the ride, everything. Spot on. I don't know who wrote it, might of been Rolling stones that My chemical romance are so sad they could make your cold goth heart bleed. Well I mean, the dark clothes, the dead men, the cancer, the blood and misery…I get the point but also not really, it's not all dark and bleek in their music also.

And then you get Danger Days. Spoiler alert I always wanted to dress up as Party Poison, I mean full on, clothes, props, the whole deal. Never got to it though. But it would make up for a great photoshooting. Anyways, Danger Days comes out, Gee dyes his hair this crazy perfect bright red which (don't kill me) was my favourite look on him. Red is just such a Gerard Way colour. It's pretty stabby you know? And this album isn't sad, this album is more than anything pissed off, and vibrant, just like Gee's hair.

Also what's hugely different is his voice. Gee sounds way cleaner and more polished on this album. I know that was actually an issue for some fans who prefered the rougher, edgier style of ''Three cheers for sweet revenge'' so then this energetic power pop aproach was a bit of a let down. To me though, comparing albums is stupid, a band can grow and develop their sound and it can sound different. Sometimes better sometimes worse but that's why experimenting is important. Nobody wants the same thing over and over and over again. Like Bon Jovi, singing the same songs for 20 years. Don't get me wrong they're great songs, better than any new one, but for real, can you not? For MCR this album is definately a better sounding experience. Which doesn't mean that this album is better than say the Black parade but simply that it's an amazing album on its own.

Basically what Danger Days is is an idea. If you watch music videos to Na Na Na and Sing, they're a story. Set in the future a band of outlaws fights an evil corporation called Better living industries. The video looks almost apocalyptic and what is just really fucking brilliant is that if you pay attention you can see it written on a god damn battery ''California 2019''. When did the band reunite? 2019 and where was the first reunion show? California. Like, I can't. Everything these cryptic assholes do has a meaning, and suddenly it's two AM and you're reading about Salem witch trials and the summer and winter solstace and how that could be incorporated in their state of mind. Don't look at me funny, I'm on to something here. Also of course in case you don't know in 2013 Gee published a comic that continiues the story from the album. And you know what? I never got to read it. Sigh.

Oh my god you guys! You know what literally hit me just now? Danger Days is now set in the past no longer the future. Oh my god.... Right the album. So it starts off with ''Look alive, Sunshine'' and you know what? I handpainted this entire thing to a back of one of my tshirts once? With really annoying tiny letters that took me ages to perfect. What you hear in Look alive, is an old radio transmission and a message from the ''host'' Dr. Death Defying. Most of what he says can actually mean a lot of things or nothing at all, the part that I love most is obviously ''listen up, the future is bulletproof, the aftermath is secondary, it's time to do it now and do it loud, Killjoys, make some noise''. Seems like such a powerful message really, this is a band we grew up with and though this is not a new album the message still stands if you ask me, it's our time, we should make some fucking noise.

Look alive fades into ''Na Na Na Na'' and the fact that there's anyone who hasn't heard this song at least once is crazy to me. It was the first single, it's catchy, it's fun, it makes you sing along. And that bloody car! I mean I always wanted one of those and then they put it in their video? Painted like that! I find that personally offensive. This song is probably what sets the entire albums mood. It shows you that this will be a different ride than any of the previous were and also that it's going to be a fun one.

Then there's ''Bulletproof heart'' which is a total pop punk kinda song, fun, cheery, perfect. It's a bit extravagant, a bit dramatic and most importantly an escape from some undefined restrictive presence, some demons if you will, and shit can't we relate? We're all just trying to get away from our demons.

''Sing'' is next, which is part two of Na Na Na Na. The car is back, the boys are back and so are the ''pigs''. First of all how dare you shoot Gee like that? And also who looks that bloody hot while being shot? Defys laws of nature if you ask me. But the song is easily one of my favourites, the easy begining which slowly builds up to one of the best choruses ever. So sing along boys and girls, ''sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls, sing it for the world''.

''Planetary GO!'' UH yes please. It's like what hope sounds like you know. It's what I feel hope would be should it be recorded, in those very lines ''I can't slow down, I'm undefeatable''. Perfection.

Things then calm down with ''The only hope for me is you''.  It's a beautiful love song don't you think? It's something very personal, it's Gee basically putting his heart on a sleeve, honestly telling the world what's his only hope ''you'', meaning ''her'' in this case, and just so we're clear, his marriage is probably one of the cutest things out there, right next to whiskers on kittens and unicorns. Don't fight me on this, you can't win.

''Summertime'' is actually my favourite on this album. Actually they all are but maybe this one is my top one. Vocals are soft and tender and completely clean, the chorus is a flying melody that feels like it holds the power to fly you away where ever you want to be and that that ''you can run away with me, anytime you want''. Oh my god. It's like a punch in the heart in a good way. I love this song, and yes I would indeed run away with him anytime he'd want. Fun fact. The line starts with ''you can write it on your arm''. So on a gig once Gee had ''run away with me'' written on his neck with a sharpie and his wife had ''anytime you want'' written on her arm. Believe me my heart exploded into rainbows. How cute is that? Where can I find me a guy who would be this silly cute with me? Ugh.

Y'all know what follows next right? Fucking ''Destroya'' which to this day I always say ''great song, you are just cowards''. True story. Destroya is a great song, the whole pounding drum thing and sneering vocals, blow away any trace of slow ballads, with Gee singing he only believes in the enemy. Kinda makes sense doesn't it? Lovers will let you down, as well as family, friends, but you can count on your enemies always hating you. This song is like, another Rocket queen. The moaning! You guys I die. It was so funny people expecting the song on the reunion and that big question ''will Gee moan on stage during Destroya'' lol, Gee is no coward, how could you even doubt him? And it sounded every bit as sexy as it did years back. Like for real, listening to this song is like HOT.

''Goodnite, Dr. Death'' is a sign off from the radio host, who sends us off with a cheery warning telling us that we're basically all going to die. Lovely. ''That big ball of radiation we call the sun will burst you into flames if you stay in one place too long, that is if the static don't get you first''. What does that mean? Like fly into the sun (Icarus much?) and risk getting burned or do nothing and you're fucked anyways? I think it's a metaphore for everything you do really, that you should take chances and risk something, else you really are doomed. Doomed in the same wicked ways, addiction, wrong partner, wrong job…whatever else is haunting you. The message ends with the strains of ''The star spangled banner'' and you know how weird that is when the album plays in your family who doesn't like the US one bit. ''What the fuck are you listening the anthem for?'' really, I'm not, it's just MCR being MCR.

The album ends with ''Vampire money'' which is Gee pissed off at everyone. At fame, at people, junkies, Hollywood, and mostly himself for being this famous. And aparently rich and famous acording to Gee drive ''Volvo cars''. Hah. what's more important here, to this great song, is the intro, and what's even more important that on the reunion show for the first time ever when Gee asked ''How about you Frank?'' Frank replied ''Oh I'm there baby'' and I died. Like dead on the ground. You sneaky Italian rat you. You know exactly what you're doing don't you?

Other songs featured on here are ''Jet Star and the Kobra Kid/ Traffic report'', ''Party poison'', ''Save yourself I'll hold them back'' and ''S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W'', well that first one isn't a song but a ''traffic report'' the rest are all songs, great songs just like the rest of the album and if I go on about how great, amazing, perfect this album is, then this post will never be done, and let's face it, I have a life to get back to (she said while typing around a fat cat on her lap and a jar of Nutella with a spoon jammed in it). You guys put this record on, live it and love it because it deserves nothing less. You know I do….

The story of a man, a woman, and the corpses of a thousand evil men.

You know that moment on the Friends show where Joey says he's had a bad year and it's only the first week of January? Yeah. I felt that on a deep emotional level. Does it ever get better at all?

I thought about sitting here and sharing about fifty of my currently favourite pictures of Henry Cavill so y'all might enjoy some of my visual pleasures but decided against it. For real though, is that man even real or is he just a photoshoped creation of my fantasy? I swear if I had a type that would be it. Gorgeous.

And you know who else is gorgeous? Gerard Way. Perfect face, perfect soul, perfect music. I thought about it just now while one of their albums is playing. They couldn't pick a better time to come back could they? I'm not talking about Danger days being set in the future and that future being 2019 even if that was bloody brilliant. I'm talking about the entire idea about the band. You know they came on the scene as a band in 2001 when the twin towers were attacked and Gee felt so powerless and so horrofied that he had to do something. Find his own way to change the world, and he did that with his music. He changed us. We were just kids when we started listening to the band. We watched 9/11 happen, we watched the terror and horror, we watched the hell in Iraq and administations who brought nothing but hell and chaos. And just like Gee we were angry and upset and bottom line afraid, watching what the world is coming to, what our world is coming to. Nobody listened, nobody cared, nobody actually valued opinion of the younger population who doesn't want the hate, doesn't want the war, not the past ones nor any new ones. And see if nobody else listened, he did, the band did. The band gave us a voice, told us we matter, told us to be brave and to smile. I sound a bit like the Joker there I know but it's true. My chem literally have a song ''I'm not okay'' and you know what? That's okay. It's okay to not be okay, to be scared, sad, lost, mad. Feelings matter and they showed us that it's not us who's fucked up but the society that is constantly invalidating us. Actually, being angry at what's going on is more than okay, you should be angry, you should be upset, you should be wanting a change and trying in your own way to be a part of the change.

So I guess them coming back, is sort of a Deja Vu isn't it? It's like 2001 all over again, the world is fucked, even more than it was before. Last couple of years were insane. The youth has little to no future. Basic needs have become far away dreams for most. It's like they came back because they knew we need them back. Because we need them to show us that there's hope, that we can do this together. It's not just an idea or a band it's far more than that. It's like a wakeup call, for the new generations just getting into them and for us ''old fans'', this is our time to make a fucking difference, to get up and wake up and do something. I don't know why everything is so fucking hard, yes I get it change is scary but when it's for the better…?

Here's what's playing right now that's inspiring these lines and a whole stack of sketching and drawings…

My fave album they actually did is the Killjoy album there's no arguing there but this one is actually a close second. It was released on June 8th 2004 by Reprise records as their second album. Of course people jumped to hating the band right away. Saying it's bad for kids, talks about death, suicide, violence, etc. Maybe that's what pulled me in from the get go. I was about 13 when I first heard them, loving everything both the ''society'' and my family said it's ''inapropriate''

Gee said about this album that it's a ''pseudo – conceptual horror story'' and a ''story of a man and a woman who are separated by death in a gunfight and he goes to hell only to realize by the devil telling him that she's still alive. The devil says he can be with her again if he brings him the souls of a thousand evil men and the man agrees to do it, so the devil hands him a gun''. That was the idea behind the concept and the artwork who btw Gee designed himself but the album ended up being much more about loss, personal disasters, hardships of life and love and grief. I guess I could relate that's why I ended up loving it as much as a I do.

Opening the album with Helena was brilliant. The song was originally written for Gee and Mikey's grandmother. A fact most people don't really know. When the video came out, out of all my friends and people I knew at the time there wasn't one girl, me included that didn't want to be Helena in that vid. So what if they put her in a coffin? We all wished to be in her place. How weird does that sound? All dying to be put in a coffin by My Chemical Romance.

I'm not okay (I promise) need I even say more? Actually yes I will say something, the fact that these assholes came back after so many years and played their first show and the first song they chose to open the concert with is ''I'm not okay''? in that moment none of us were okay and we still aren't. So thank you for that.

Thank you for the venom over the years became sort of a statement. None of us believed that the band will ever be back so ''thank you for the venom'' was kinda a saying we all used to thank them for all they did for us. In general this is a heavier song, shows that they are well and capable to put out a heavy punkish song with a statement.

They really raised to their potential with this album, they could be just another unoriginal band producing album after album song after song but they didn't. They did things their own way and thank god for that. The whole album though it's a mix of so many things, sort of agressive, sort of laced with punk rock energy, instrumental, creative and in general wonderful. Gee's vocals show so many different posibilities, some are softer, some are agressive, some are emotional which is especially obvious on ''The ghost of you'' (guys the Elvis vibe in the music video? No, really, I'm fine, just dead on the ground). You've also got ''Hang 'em high'' which is a bit Westernish, no doubt inspired by Gee's love of Clint Eastwood, and the message ''never stop fighting''. Damn true.

Did you ever pay closer attention to ''The Jetset life is gonna kill you''? Woah that one is dark. Personal and intense and just dark. It's about the lifestyle. His own lifestyle at the time, constantly on the go and doing drugs, struggling with depression, a mix of it all that almost killed him in Japan in 2004 and it's pretty much making me want to cry just thinking about it. Seriously guys, the world without Gee Way in it would be too dark and too depressing.  On a personal note you know there's a line in this song ''awww sugar''? I would personally kill for Gee to push me against a wall with his hand round my neck or a knife both works, saying ''awww sugar'' to me. Ignore the crazy fangirl. Let me live in my fantasy okay?

''Cemetery drive'' basically about coping with life after losing someone you love due to suicide. That one hits home. Really, it does. I guess it does to a lot of people. Aparently suicide kills almost a million people a year. And it never really gets better. The missing gets worse. It never stops hurting, you don't forget, you just learn to cope. I have someone that I ''miss so far'' as well and I tell you it's hell.  It's been years and I don't miss him any less, if anything probably more, it's hard to find people like him in this world these days or someone to trust and call a friend.

The album is full of melodic surprises, some sweet, some heavy, screaming and emotional singing. The raw emotion is displayed though this entire album, taking us through the story of the main character, fullfilling his deal with the devil so he can see his love again. The bloodshed being justified in the name of love. I don't support violence or playing god mind you, but you ask yourself, how far you'd go for those you love? To protect them? To get them back? I know I'd risk a lot, everything really. Like a tattoo someone I care about a lot has says ''for those I love I will sacrifice''.

What is so fucking brilliant about this album is the fact that it closes with ''I never told you what I do for a living''. This is the end of the album and the end of the story it follows. And you realize that the devil fucked him over because the last ''evil soul'' he has to kill is himself ''down and down we go'' and there is so much passion and rage in his voice when he sings that, it's like literally setting all your neurons on fire. And then that soft, broken ''I tried''. It's like, mindblowing. Really, literally mindblowing. And just when you're done, panting, can't take no more of their brilliance the song ends with ''and never again, and never again, they gave us two shots to the back of the head, and we're all dead now''. Clearly not a statement of victory but defeat, it leaves things to our inpretation though, did he get back his lover? I like to think he did. Even if they're both in hell now, there's some sick romantic ending to the story.

This album paints a very vivid story if you're only capable to listen and understand. It's a masterpiece, they showed their progress and their growth and there was only one way for them to go, which was up, which clearly they did, we know which music follows and it didn't disappoint.

I'm sitting here hoping, hell I'll pray if I have to (don't get excited it will be a prayer to Satan), that this year we get more of that sassy, stabby attitude, new music, new hope, a tour…shit that would make me happy. They always were ''the one that got away'' for me and at the moment I can't imagine anything, literally anything that would make me happier then seeing them live someday. Seriously let a fan girl dream, and don't doubt I didn't already go through about 10 different scenarios how to get to Japan to see them. Crazy is crazy I know but then there were people from all over the world at the Reunion while I was at home crying into my pillows who still have scars to show (black makeup smudges). Alright then, enjoy the weekend, spin some good music, possibly give this one a chance. It's amazing, I promise.

Thank you for the venom.

When I started this blog I promised to be more positive. To write about things I love, things that excite me instead of things that bring me down. Things that ''take the light behind my eyes''. Y'all know what I'm hinting at aren't you?  The problem was that these happy things or happy times if you will came so rarely that I had nothing to write about. Happy memories are few in between which I guess in a way makes sense, makes you treasure them more. But today. Today is a good one.

So last Friday something went down that I never imagined I will ever see happen and it honestly pretty much erased all the bad shit happening this year. And believe me there was a lot of bad shit happening this year but this…this is a ray of hope that maybe, just maybe now that we're entering a new decade it won't be as fucked up as the past one was.

It was a concert. And you're going to ask me how can a concert erase a year long darkness and sorrow? Well it can. If it's the right band. If it's the right music. If there are the right feelings. They can do a lot. Music is the only thing I believe has the power to heal, break barriers, bring people together, make people happy, make people feel again, and if yours doesn't do that for you, then you just haven't heard the right type of music yet. I honestly wish everyone had the opportunity to feel that kinda love, that kinda devotion, and get to see their favourite artist preform live. It's amazing. And it's just, unexplainable happiness.

First of all I gotta say something about something. I find it personally offensive that My chemical romance played their first show in 6 years and I wasn't there. Like how? Second. Diet shampoo you're my hero and I love you. Third I have two settings right now ''I'm going to fight Frank Iero and there's nothing you can do to stop me'' and ''I will protect Frank Iero at all costs and there's nothing you can do to stop me''.

Oh my god you guys! The show. The emotions. The support from the crowd. God. What I'd do to be there, sell a kidney, you don't need two of those bitches, but I need my boys for at least a bit of happiness in my tragic life. The whole anticipation towards the show that was building up all week and mostly entire Friday was enough to send me feral or make me frantic or whatever the hell the proper terms are these days.

The boys giving fans outside blankets, that's enough to kill this bitch. It's probably one of my new fantasies to be wrapped in a hug and blanket by Gerard Way himself. Hell. Can't breathe just thinking about it. Or the fact that he also gave a dog a blanket. Seriously Gee, stop, I can't handle the cuteness. At that point my heart probably exploded into rainbows and unicorns and cherry flavoured lip balm. No joke.

The symbols on the merch trailer. The witches sigil on Gee (I know what you did there). The way he said ''we're gonna continiue to punish you''. Please stop. For real. Okay. Enough. I can't take no more. I think I need a safe word. Something in the lines of kumquat if you know what I mean.

That insanely loud chant of Mikeys name. I died all over again. I am just SO proud of him. Really. I remember years back when Gee said if there's ever to be a reunion it's most likely going to be without Mikey, but he got over his shit, over his addictions, looks better than ever, plays amazing, and the ammount of support he got was nothing short of what he deserved. And I am so happy for him.

Are we going to talk about that ''sass queen'' on stage? Because it's ''pretty stabby'' right? The way he sips tea? The way he walks? The Destroya moans?! No, you guys, no I'm really not okay. Good thing the show started with that song because I don't think any of us were really okay ever since Halloween. The fact that they knew that there will be a reunion since 2017! Oh my god you smug sons of bitches. Any interview you watch where they say ''no reunion'' ''it's not going to happen'' etc, those are the faces of people that know exactly what they are doing and I both love them and hate them for it.  Let's be clear. I am 99% sure that Frank was the only active member online for the past two years because he's the only one capable of lying through his teeth. The Jonas brothers? I'm on to you Frankie. Especially smug on that one ''the rumour of My chemical romance being back is like a broken clock'' not a record but a clock…he wasn't sick being asked about it was he? It's a clock because even a broken clock is right two times a day. You smug motherfucker you. I hate you and love you so much.

How about the fact that each show usually ended up with Helena so that the last sung verse was ''so long and good night'' but this show ended with ''this one last song, maybe it's the one you wanna hear, I don't know'' and it was The black parade which ends with ''we'll carry on''? these guys don't do coincidents this is all a clever plan of some sort and it's making me all antsy and excited. There's probably little things in life, well ''material'' things that I want as bad as a EU show so I can finally see my boys live.

OH MY GOD for the first time ever Frank did that intro on stage! The intro you guys! ''oh I'm there baby'' shit I think I was too at that very second.

The angel! The reunion angel is actually a statue in NYC called ''Angel of the waters'' created by a lesbian sculptor and therefore a huge LGBT spot. Can I die just now? Because this is just too perfect.

Ray? Your fluffy headbanging? Loved it. You're perfect.

That band is all that, sassy and roasting fans and saying shit but at the end of the day they're nice people that actually love their fans (were even surprised by the sheer impact the band had on the world and how loved they really are) and each other and the music.

I don't get it though, are we supposed to just like carry on now? I'm not ready. I wasn't ready when they broke up, I wasn't ready when the ''came back'' ten times in the past, and I sure as hell wasn't ready when Rock Sound on Halloween posted ''MCR is back this is not a drill''. How the fuck am I supposed to move on, each photo I see makes me wanna cry. Happy tears.  And just to be fair, I love this fucking fanbase so much. I mean there were so many that livestreamed the show for all of us who couldn't be there, they made us feel included and honestly that's about the kindest and nicest possible thing. You're all angels and I love you and I hope nothing but good things happen to y'all in the new decade.

And lastly. I just love how the show was just them. No stage persona or whatever else. Just the boys as they are. And just, they look great, so happy, they sound so good and if I keep this up there's gonna be another fucking flood. Shut up y'all this bitch is finally happy about something.

So, so long and goodnight.  

Not my gif, credit goes to the unknown owner, let me know if you know em so I can tag or remove.

You only hear the music, when your heart begins to break.

Sometimes I wonder what the hell am I even doing with my life. Sitting on tumblr reblogging the same pictures of my favorite band members, fawning over their guitar skills, voice, or plain and shallow their looks. Then I remember how music is the only thing making me feel alive, safe, happy. I remember how when everything is out of control and crazy and my head in a storm, those bands are the only thing that calm it all down. I remember I'm one of those kids raised by their music not their parents. There's so many bands that literally grew up with me. We all ''grew'' together, we changed together. There's bands that have been in my life longer then any friend has been. There's bands that I can honestly say saved my life, and it sounds cliche it's something all the ''kids'' are saying these days but it's the honest truth. I felt completly alone in the world more then once, I felt like I was going crazy, I felt like all hope is lost. I still feel that way sometimes and the bands, the music is the only comfort. The only ones I feel really understand me. And let me tell you something, it's an amazing feeling when a musician with their lyrics tells excatly what you feel, when you can't speak yourself. It's an amazing feeling when a song can bring up so many memories, of a place, of a time, of a person...and you know people change, people grow, things change, times change, our lives change but that song it's always the same and memories to it always remain. It's quite extraordinary when you think about it. I grew up thinking there's a certain way I need to behave, certain way I have to look, pick a career that I'll hate all my life but it's alright because it's a good kind of occupation, get married and have kids before I'm 25, go to the same vacation spot by the sea each year, drink coffee with my neighbors every saturday morning, because that's ''the right thing to do''. The stereotype people live by here. My musicians opened up my eyes to a world beyond that. They made me think. ''Do I want to be normal?''. No, there is a better way. I'm not saying it's always easy. There are days when I wish I was just like everybody else, average, ''happy'' with my ordinary life. It just doesn't work that way does it? I want it all, love, passion, travel, experiences, art, music, poetry, dreams...and above all I want to live, breathe, be free, because honestly, right now, I don't feel too free...but here's what helps...

You know what people say? ''When the music hits you, you feel no pain?'' it's the truth. A live show is just amazing. When those musicians you're fawning over online suddenly aren't pictures anymore, but living breathing people, right in front of you, and in a room full of people where it doesn't matter where you're from, what color your skin is or what religion you are, you are all conected because you love the same music. And then there are always moments, when the singer stops singing and let's the audience scream their lyrics back at them as loud as they can and there's the biggest smile on their face...those are the moments I live for. And these are some of my favorite memories. Some of the happiest nights of my life. Some of the saddest too, saying goodbye to Motley Crue was not easy for me. Some of the moments that changed my life forever. Like seeing my favorite band live for the first time, a feeling I can't describe, or seeing someone I admired for so long finally stand in front of me and it's even better then you could possibly dream of. What I'm trying to say is...someone once told me they admire my love or better yet passion for my music, that they could never love something as much as I love it. And they were right. And I wish everyone would find something they love as much, something that makes them feel as happy and as safe and as content. Or someone that is. You all deserve to feel that feeling.

And in that spirit...

You know I'm a big Bon Jovi fan right? Growing up their music was constantly playing either in my mothers car or stereo, she was downright obsessed with them, specially the song ''Bed of roses'', I still hate it to this day. Don't get me wrong, beautiful song but the fact that I had to hear it about ten million times did what it did. And I was lucky enough to catch two of their shows, in Croatia back in 2011 with Richie Sambora and then again in Milan in 2013 with Phil X, which I still believe was the best concert I've ever seen. Next to the Boss of course. But here's some truth that you're not going to like *if you're a die hard fan that is*...I don't like their new album ''This house is not for sale'' one bit. I don't know what really went down between them and Richie and honestly it's none of our business, I hope they work it out somehow for the sake of their friendship not the band. But here's the deal, I think Richie is not replacable. Yes Phil has mad skills and he's an amazing guitar player but he's no Richie Sambora. Something feels off. The sound, the voice, the melodies, the energy between the boys. I don't even know, I can't pin point the problem but something is not right. This new sound with all the keyboards sounds more pop then rock and I can't swallow that down...safe to say it will not be joining my cd collection and in case you're wondering, I own every single album on cd. I'll be listening to this one instead...

So the debut album huh? Early days of hair metal...when music was still music. Yeah the songs are simple and the lyrics are no masterpiece but honestly the songs are pure hard rock and they are amazing. They have soul, they have passion and they are good. So maybe this album didn't sell as good as the rest did *which debut ever does?* but I feel like it made a statment. A statment that they are meant for greatness and that they are here to stay, and obviously it's true. I always loved the way Jon put so much of himself in their songs, in their lyrics, they're honest and they're beautiful. The album opens with Runaway which not enough people know, I swear everyone around me still believes Living on the prayer is their first single, *sigh* I live with savages. Well it's not, Runaway is and it's such a cool, catchy song, pretty sure that was also the song that made a statment on all the charts and got A LOT of radio play. To me it still sounds exciting and new and fun all those years later, maybe because now no radio plays it anymore, they're focused on It's my life, Living on a prayer, Always, Bed of roses and Have a nice day and that's it. Those are great songs but ignoring all the rest is so missing out on the music genius that is Bon Jovi, like Stick to your guns or Living in sin from New Jersey those are such good songs. Anyway back to the self titled debut...you've got Roulette which is hard rock at it's finest and really shows Richie's amazing skills as a guitar player. Then you got Shot through the heart, who doesn't know that one? It might be a little cliche but they made it sound perfect none the less. Thing is what I love about this album it's that it starts on this kinda sad note but they change it around towards the end without making it sound abrupt and if that aint talent and basically screaming their musical abilities then I don't know what will. Point is, if you like the sound on Slippery when wet *coughbadboyscough* and you aren't just into the big over played hits then pick this one up and give it a chance, it really is a great record, amazing classic rock and I promise you a million times better then all the crap the radio, tv and society is force feeding us lately.

P.S. Did you notice how David Bryan is credited as David Rashbaum on this one? Oh and also, Metallica's Hardwired to Self destruct came out last friday and honestly you need to check that one out because that...woah...no words, it's mindblowing.

Say you're okay. I'm afraid that tomorrow is just too far away. Fight the pain, it just feels like forever is crashing down on me.

It's thursday night. Wait are you supposed to write day names with big letters? Well not that it matters right now. I decided to pull my shit together and write this post early because tomorrow is going to be busy, or not, dependes how the day goes. Long story and more on that later. It's been a damn long week. I was on my third coffee monday morning wishing it was friday already. You may notice I'm still alive after downing shots and watching All time low's Straight to dvd II. Can I just say I loved it? Like a lot. Great job guys great job. Worth the wait. Can't wait on that number three then. Hah. I have to say though the part ''for Gavi'' completly ripped out my heart. I can't stand, literally can't stand the idea of one of my favorite bands ever being so sad or so heartbroken. I get it they're not imune to sadness, but I just can't stand them being anything but happy. Maybe because of all the positivity and happiness they give me, and all the other fans, they deserve all the happiness in the world. I'm sorry for your loss boys. So sorry.

Which is what brings us to the second thing that's been making me want to jump out of my skin this week. Music related. You guys know the band called Of mice and men? Great band. Great guys. I saw them live once, one of the best moments of my life...they're a huge inspiration to me, them as people and their song lyrics. I keep a signed poster next to my bed making it the first thing I see each morning as a reminder that everything will be alright.

So their singer, Austin Carlile. I look up to him so much, he is the strongest, bravest, kindest human being I know. He inspires me daily to be better and to do better. He is amazing, how he handles his health problems, how kind he is to his fans, his ''family''. The sweetest person on this planet. So you can just imagine how I feel reading about his tour being cancelled due to health complications. I guess I find it a little funny that even though he's in pain and struggling he feels the need to apologize for cancelling the tour. Like that matters right now, the only thing that matters is his health and he's still putting his fans first to a point when it starts endangering his life. I admire him. For being so strong, so selfless, so courageous. I guess what I'm trying to say is, him and the band did so much for me, helped me in so many ways, saved me in a way as well and right now I am completly helpless, there's nothing that I can do for him now, except hope for the best and that is really killing me. I know he said not to worry about him because there are more important things happening in the world right now, which you know they probably are but that doesn't mean he's not a huge part of my world and that I won't worry sick about him.

I love you. Feel better soon, because the thought of you not being alright...it's something I can't deal with.

And while we're at it, I feel like someone is targeting my musicians because I just read that Frank Iero was in a car accident. Some news say it's serious, some say it's not. I don't know what's happening but I sure hope he's alright. I'll keep you both in my thoughts tonight, since I'll be awake probably all night trying to keep calm and convince myself everything is going to be alright. Which is most likely the case. But try telling that to someone who is basically 90% stress and maybe 10% human by now. Or maybe the last 10% could be depression. I have this problem where weather is killing me. This gray, gloomy weather is draining all my willingness to do anything much less live. But I'm getting off topic again, I know it may seem stupid to most people *trust me I hear it all the time* because aparently these guys are just musicians they don't know you, they don't care, blah blah blah. Not true at all. But truth is, everyone around me has let me down. Everyone. Family, friends, random people...being around my friends lately makes me feel like we're not even friends anymore, we've drifted so far apart that we're just people. People that live in the same town that once knew eachother. It's not so much that they've pushed me away, or they did, I don't really know, but they're not excatly fighting to keep me in their lives either. I always say those are the people we don't need in our lives. And we don't. But fuck they're the only people in my life and though they're awful and they treat me awful, without them I'm pretty damn lonely. I know I know better alone all your life then 5 minutes in bad company but lonely isn't too much fun either. And the people you say are just musicians? That they'll never care...well they're always here, I'm never really lonely with them. And to be honest nothing and no one can make me feel better in a heart beat like they do. Or as strong or as courageous or as happy. Music soothes the soul and heals the spirit. And there's not a damn thing in the world I would love more then my music or my bands. The bands that taught me every valuable life lesson that school and life never gave me. The bands that taught me how to laugh, really laugh, not just fake a smile. The bands that taught me how to love, what love really is and to fight for it. The bands that taught me to be courageous and put my heart and soul into things I believe in. The bands that taught me patience and compassion and that hate is poison that consumes you, a poison you don't need in your life. The bands that taught me to accept my own emotions that it's never wrong what you feel, you can't influence your feelings so you might as well embrace them. The bands that taught me that it's okay to grow up but keep the same young spirit, like the same things, do the same things. The bands that taught me hope, nothing is ever as dark as it may seem at first glance. The bands that taught me that no matter how awful things may seem, and no matter how down and trapped you feel, you will always get better, things will always be brighter. The bands that taught me to never give in, that falling down on your ass is just another reason to pick yourself up and start again. The bands that taught me that people are assholes sometimes and it's not my fault. The bands that taught me to know who my real friends are and to cherish them and keep them close. The bands that taught me the importance of family and how family doesn't always end with blood. The bands that taught me about wisdom, about choosing my words carefully in certain situations. The bands that taught me how to let it go sometimes, take a breath and really live. And most important lesson they taught me? That home is not where you are but who you're with. So no, it's not JUST music and these are not JUST bands. Everything I am today is what they made me, and I believe the good in me, the strength in me, and the fighter in me, it's all thanks to them and that is something I could never repay them. So next time before you open your mouth to insult someone's favorite band think about it first, maybe that band is the reason that person is still alive, or just happier or doing better. Maybe you're insulting someone's entire world. Unless we're talking Balkan turbo folk or Nicky Minaj's Stupid hoe or anything similar, then go ahead insult away, their sole existence is an insult to everything I call music. Other then that peace and love guys, we're all different, we like different things, we can't all be the same.

Enough from me for today huh? I'm going to throw myself into work, a new drawing I'm working on, a Jack Sparrow portrait because I may be a little too excited about the new movie they're making and catching up with the Supernatural premiere. Was it good? No! Don't tell me I don't want no damn spoilers. Hah.

Take care guys, hug your loved ones, stay safe.

P.S. Congratulations to Bob Dylan for the Nobel prize, well deserved.