In a town called hypocrisy.

I am so tired you guys so tired. Emotionally, mentally tired. Exhausted. Drained. It's been hard to write, it's been hard to draw, read, live, breathe. I haven't touched politics or corona much in this blog so I guess strap in kids I'm gonna do both in this blog. For a change. But few warnings, first me yapping on this blog is because I have nobody to really talk to, people have gone absolutely insane. Friendships broken over not agreeing, you know what they say ''friends come into your life for a reason or for a season'' and I think the current situations we are in, proved this so well…

Second thing, this is MY safe space. We all have a right to an opinion but I share mine here where everyone has the option to close and exit and doesn't have to read or listen to me.

And third thing I will make it so easy for you to hate me, I don't see the world like you do and I don't agree with the popular opinion of what we should think, do, support, believe…to make this short here's the deal, I don't believe corona is dangerous or anything above the common cold, I think you should shove your poison vaccines up your ass and we do not stand with Ukraine in this household. I will explain further down but take this as a trigger warning and exit now. I do not plan on arguing with anyone, after two years of constant arguments and being cussed at I am done. This is my space. You don't like it, kindly fuck off. I believe the Germans call this kind of thinking ''Querdenker'' what a dumb fucking word to be honest. But here's your warning, don't read on, click the X in the corner and have a wonderful day. Thank you, the rest of you still here take a deep breath, this might get long, I'm severly pissed off at everything and everyone.

I don't even know where to begin. I honestly don't. Too much is happening. And the storm in my head is raging out of control as well. I find myself so tough to keep in check. Mentally I mean. I sometimes can't even breathe. I wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air. I wanna rip people outside that stick their noses into my business into shreds. I wanna sit down and fucking scream if it would help me any. I want to honestly just disappear. Life has been too much. 

Let's start with fucking covid then. Dangerous, deadly sickness, everyone I know had it at this point (lets point out that they all including myself, got it from vaccinated people while wearing masks?), all over EU and at home, all ages from 8 to 80. Everyone got over it without a problem and without concequences, one of them has Marfan Syndrome (google it) and he barely noticed he had covid. On the other end vaccine caused a blod cloth which led to cardiac arrest for one of my closest friends, he was only 34 years old. I know of 11 more such cases. All under 45. All double vaccinated. Forced to do so, else they'd lose their jobs. I will not even touch the lying press, showing us crash test dummies in the ER and bannana boxes instead of coffins. Lies upon lies creating a perfect fishing in muddy waters situation. Each time you speak up, each time you point out their lies, what happens? You get blocked, deleted, destroyed. How am I supposed to see it as anything but a fucking lie? Lie to achieve obedience which they did. Like, I watch these people change their facebook profile pictures first into LGBT support, then BLM, then Lets get vaccinated and now Ukraine flags…and you're telling me you're thinking with your own fucking head? Fucking dummy you don't even realise how washed up you are. 

I get so fucking agitated when these vaccinated idiots sit there, brain washed with their propaganda of course they won't admit they were fucked over, talking non sense. Masks work. Sure your asbestos builders masks and masks created for a sterile surgical environment work. And sure testing makes sense, with tests positive to fruit, and coke, and animals. Awesome. Very reliable. And vaccine is safe. Sure, it passed years of testing didn't it? Of fucking course. And it's for ''the greater good'' and you got your ''freedom'' with a passport. You know who else had a passport? Jews in Nazi Germany. Just saying. To be honest, I have been called so many names because I refused to get vaccinated. First of I don't believe in the danger of the virus, I don't believe I need a fucking vaccine and lastly I don't trust big pharma (google how much money near bankrupt Pfizer made and is expected to make this year).  But that aside, two weeks ago I was a bio terrorist, irresponsible, filthy, dangerous, stupid, anti vaxxer, an idiot, uneducated, people literally (those that knew) walked far around me as if just being near me will put them in a grave. And now with election coming up our PM decided like you know what? Fuck covid, I'm over it, dropped all mandates and it's like nothing ever happened. And you know what? First of fucking finally but I am so fucking angry. Why did we all lose 2 fucking years of our lives, jobs, family, friends, life? What the fuck for? Why did culture suffer? Why was there no concerts? Why were small businesses destroyed? What the fuck for when clearly we can turn covid off with a fucking light switch?

A little more than a month ago at a protest, we were beaten by the police, maced, shot with water cannons, almost trampled by horses, for what? Fighting for freedom. Because I'm sorry but life with a passport to enter a fucking grocery store is not free. And today? Today! Fucking government encourages us to all protest tomorrow for Ukraine. Are you fucking kidding me?! I was beaten, maced, arrested several times for protesting against being forced to be an experiment, for protesting against being caged, locked up, treated like a contagious animal. But now suddenly protesting is encouraged? Because why? Because protests against covid are against the government because they were the ones deciding on covid mandates but a protest for Ukraine? That's something the government supports. Why? Because the whole world does. Because that's what you're supposed to do. Because that's the right thing to do or some shit like that right? Please someone file a missing person notice for fucking covid because it fucking disappeared from the headlines like nothing ever happened. Fucking hell. Congrats to Putin though because he managed in aweek what we all tried for two years, to fuck off covid for good. Or well at least till the situation in Ukraine clears.

Which brings us to why this household, my household does not ''stand with Ukraine'' let me start with all y'all posting stories, changing your facebook / IG pics, relentlessly tweeting about Ukraine….you all disgust me. Seriously for real disgust me. I'm sorry but how many of you talked about and changed your profile pics to flags of Yemen, of Iraq, of Syria, of Palestine…? How fucking many of you? Do you even know how they look like? Don't even try with the ''now it's not the time''. No, now is the perfect time. I am sick and tired of European racism. It's blatantly obvious that we just value Ukrainian lives more than we do Arabic. Why? Because they're white? Because they're the ''right religion''? What the fuck for? Aren't we all ''children of god''? Aren't we all equal? Aren't our lives all worth the same? 

I am sick and fucking tired of US politics. I am sick and tired of the US and west imposing sanctions on Russia for what? Violating international laws by effectively taking parts of Ukraine…I mean…why the hell didn't they do the same for Israel? Weren't they taking parts of Palestine? Oh right…they are funded by the very powers that are making these sanctions now. 

Fucking hypocricy…when Palestine and other people from the Global South suffer occupation or war nobody is fucking criticising world leaders and governments for continuously proving that brown and black lives just mean nothing to them. I could throw up. Let me point out how disgusted I am with Poland, they're awaiting Ukraine refugees with open arms with food and shelter. Are you fucking kidding me? It hasn't even been a year from when Poland had refugees freezing on the border, they were eating tree bark, they were dying, children were dying in the eyes of the world, and what did Poland do? Sent 15 000 soldiers at them, what did the world do? Turn away. Why? Because they're not white? Because they are not Christian? Fucking hypocrisy. But actually hypocrisy doesn't even cover this bullshit. I think psychosis is better, living in some fucked up parallel universe where Europeans who take up arms and defend their land, their country, their families are called resistance fighters and fucking heroes while Palestinians doing the same fucking thing are terrorists. What the actual fuck?!

Do you have any idea how many people die of famine in Yemen? How many people died in Syria so far? How many people died in Palestine? Is that okay? Is that normal? Why are we not condeming that? Why the fuck is our press not full of that? Why the fuck do we keep turning away? Like y'all seen fucked up Germany right? They call themselves pacifists yet they wanna spend 100 billion euros on military. What the actual fuck? I don't know what's wrong with their chancellor but something fucking is. Germans you know. Same Germans that called me violent for drinking beer, saying fuck and training martial arts, all that while protesting for peace. Hypocrisy to no end. 

Speaking of hypocrisy and racism in Europe though, let me share some fucking quotes that really made me blow about seven gaskets not just one. Ukraine's deputy chief prosecutor  David Sakvarelidze said for BBC ''It's very emotional for me because I see European people with blue eyes with blonde hair being killed.'' Oh my god are you fucking kidding me? Is that's how it's going to be now? I could throw up. By these standards I'd be killed off too, both my hair and eyes are dark. Looks like I just don't fit the European criteria no more. 

Charlie D'Agata said for CBS news ''this isn't Iraq or Afghanistan….this is a relatively civilized, relatively European city''. Oh my fucking god I could scream. Are we really going to be like that? So because it's Iraq or Afghanistan it's okay? We're just normalising that people are dying and suffering? They're disposable or what? Fucking racists. Same thing btw from BFM TV some French bullshit saying ''we are in the 21st century, we are in a European city and we have cruise missile fire as though we were in Iraq or Afghanistan, can you imagine?!'' acually no, I can't. I can't imagine how you can even say something so blatantly stupid. Same station said ''It's an important question. We're not talking here about Syrians fleeing…we're talking about Europeans''. This fuels me with the rage of a thousand suns.

Daniel Hannan for  the Daily Telegraph UK, I mean I hope he was fired because this is too fucking stupid to even comment, he said ''this time, war is wrong because the people look like us and have Instagram and Netflix accounts. It's not in a poor, remote country any more''. Can you even process this? Can you? 

Let's look at the Balkans real quick, since I am from the Balkans after all. What happened when in 1999 Serbia was attacked? Today whole fucking EU is fucking crying over a war happening 2000 km away from us. Crying over soldiers, brave soldiers dying on snake island who in a surprise plot twist didn't really tell the Russians to fuck off and are still alive, how fascinating aint it? Whole fucking EU pathetically dramatising over Ukraine but where were they when Serbia was attacked? NATO planes with their deathly loads flying over our country, people were cheering, people were clapping, us and the rest of EU. They were clapping, they were cheering. When US attacked the building RTS in Serbia and civilians and reporters died nobody cared. Nobody spared them a second thought.

Don't fucking hate me or blame me because I'm giving you a mirror you're seeing yourself in. If you fon't like the reflection do something about it. You supported the killings of innocent people in Serbia in 1999 just like you're justifying killing of innocent people in so called third world countries now. Why? Because they're not like you? Because in Serbia's case of Milosevic? Why? Is that your excuse? Does that make you sleep easy at night and your soul rest in peace? Do you really think this is a coincident? What you think that poor Ukraine people are suffering in Donbas and Lugansk? Do you have any idea what's reallybeen  happening there for the past 8 years? Where were the sanctions when bombs were falling on Russian people living in Donbas?  Where was the judgment when for the past few weeks Kiev was hoarding forces for their version of ''Oluja'' (google it). Where the fuck was the international wisdom to stop the expansion of NATO on Russian border? I'll tell you where, in the west of Ukraine training neonazis and supplying them with weaponry. Anyone has any idea how many of them there is there? Anyone has any idea what EU supplying them with unlimited fire power means? Just asking…nobody worried about that? 

You know the only thing that would really be needed here is neutrality of Ukraine and the implementation of the Minsk agreement on the autonomy of Donbas. That's it. Normal. Rational. Reasonable. But no. Fuck no. Because it has never been about Ukraine was it? NATO wants to crawl all over Russia at all costs. They don't care about lives, they don't care about anything else.  If they'd want peace they'd fucking have it. Long ago. But they don't.  That's why all we listen to are condemnations but not one single serious initiave for the Russian army to whitdraw in exhange for what was agreed upon a long fucking time ago for NATO to fuck off of the Russian border. To respect the Minsk agreement. This did not happen over night. Don't fool yourselves into thinking it did and don't fool yourselves into thinking only one side, one person is to blame.

This is a very clearly visible context which of course the press won't tell you about, what does the press tell you about anyways? Covid covid covid, nuclear bomb, you're all going to die, blah blah blah. Nor will you hear about this in any diplomatic statements. There's a special term for doing so in the last decade and mostly in the last two years and days ''manufacturing consent''. Creating a civil consensus for the conflict with Russia. From politics to diplomacy, from the media to the parliament.

Let's be brutaly honest for a moment, stopping the NATO expansion to the east and the implementation of Minsk agreement would mean that the Russian army would never enter Ukraine or if they did they'd leave on their own. Fast. It's not complicated at all and it never was, it takes really little to achieve peace. But let's not talk about this too much, we must like the good brainwashed sheep, bricks in the wall, pieces of a puzzle only talk about evil Russia which is supposed to force and justify the conflict. Propaganda. And we're where we're supposed to be. On the brink of war in Europe. And who's to blame? No not Russia but NATO.  Please dear members of this pact, especially the leading members, have the fucking balls to take care of the mess you created, help the people that need help and help the country get back on it's fucking feet when this is over.

I am tired of the lies, of the propaganda, of the stupid people who turn on the tv and everything on it is the sacred truth. When did the world stoop so low that lying press is just okay? Are we all collectively insane? Press should be a source to trust not a source to doubt. Madness. Utter madness. 

To wrap this whole rant, it's not that I'm okay with war in Ukraine of course I'm not, but I am not standing with them, and I don't support all these calls for help and sharing of stories and sharing of posts when we so blatantly turn away from suffering in other places, when we just normalised it and shrug it of like it's nothing. That's why I find this immoral and disgusting, you either stand with everyone or nobody. All that aside, I hope you're paying attention while this Russian Ukraine conflict keeps your attention on it, make sure you're aware other things are still happening behind your backs and there's a very tough landing on your ass happening once this is all over. For us it's election that we have next month, and the promise of another covid wave coming in the fall. Amazing virus, reapears and dissapears when it's convenient for our government…for other countries it might be something else. But don't for a second think that things are as black and white as people have you believe. Always doubt. Always question. And always pay attention to the details. You know what they say, the devil is in the details. 

Ugh

Everybody keeps asking me if I'm okay these days...well let me tell you...tax offices took all my money on some bullshit claim I can't refute since I live in a fucked up country. I lost so much these past months that it's hard to even put into words. Mom told me yesterday ''if you keep driving like this they'll take your license'' what fucking license mom? Everyone I know is either getting married, getting pregnant or getting promoted...what am I doing? Making coffee...which isn't even for me. Looks like I'm fan fucking tasting. Yippee Ki Yay, motherfucker.

Every single blog these days starts the same; ''it's been some couple of days / it's been some week you guys…'' but it's true. It really has been. I feel like the past two years were more like two micro centuries in it's own. Sigh. I don't even know where to begin this whining…

Oh right, those of you who follow me, talk to me on IG, please excuse the radio silence, I've been blocked again or apparently suspended. For a social media they are very unsocial because the only crime I've committed this time was actually talking to people. Seems like the universe is also adding to my anti socialness and I get punished when I venture out and talk to some people. Sigh. Which also sucks because for a change it was a pleasant convo and no dick pics. Can I at this point just point out how IG never blocks these creeps or the ''you won an iPhone'' crap? I mean start there not with people that give and receive what YOU think is too many likes…

Second thing I could bitch about is UK related, my dear English readers please kindly skip this paragraph also all y'all UK lovers. I've warmed up to the idea of an English holiday at some point, when you know the world reaches semi normal state again. Lets face it it has never been completely normal…but someday, perhaps. Maybe. Anyways moving on, can y'all just kindly fuck off with this Brexit bullshit. Oh my god. What was that good for? Literally what? This has to do with a slightly bigger letter sized parcel that I was supposed to receive from UK. First of it was sent on 12th of January and while I was fully aware of the import tax which in most cases is not even worth it, this was an item that I couldn't get anywhere else so I had to bite the bullet on it. Did I expect all the shit that followed? No. It would most likely be easier to import cocaine than it was this tiny parcel. And it gets even fucking better, while customs email back and forth with me, demanding all kinds of documentation of proof what the fuck is in the parcel, they just conveniently ''forget'' to mention that the parcel is destroyed. So imagine my surprise when today I get the mail, pay for the importation which was ridiculously high as is, to have the mail man hand me poorly wrapped in plastic with Royal mails apology on it for the inconvenience mail. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I was beyond livid, the thing was literally dripping in some greasy liquid, so not only I didn't get no refund for lost – damaged items no I had to pay tax for basically an empty greasy envelope. I held the rage of a thousands blazing suns and I still do, typing a very angry complaint to both our mail and Royal mail along side this. Trying to keep all the ''fucking cunts'' out of it but I don't think that's possible this time. I honestly do not understand how come not one, not fucking single one piece of mail reaches me in one piece. And I can't for the life of me understand how the import people on my end have the audacity to demand paperwork and payment without notifying me of the fact that the parcel is damaged so I could refuse payment and have it sent back. Fucking hell. Our people and Royal mail, y'all can kindly sit on a cactus and fuck off forever.

On to the next shitty thing…I have / had several concert tickets for this year. Felt a bit more optimistic when buying them two fucking years ago, like I mean come on, it fucking can't, IT CAN'T last that long. Bryan Adams February. Rescheduled. Which okay…fine. It will get a new date they said. I maybe can stomach that one. Maybe. But then I get an email from the event planning business about Aerosmith in Budapest. Cancelled. And another email in which the writer is so sceptical about getting a new date at all, and he knows more about these things than just your average Joe. I mean…I could sit down and scream in agony and cry. How many more touring years will these bands have? Smiths already did a ''farewell tour'' which ended up being not their last. Same with Crue but Springsteen on the other hand sold the rights to his music which is insane and most likely some indication of retirement. And then also, of course, I'll never get to see another tour with Charlie Watts. And I won't get to see Panthers with Lexxi either. It's funny people keep telling me ''it's no big deal'' but to me it is. I think all my music loving friends will understand it too. It's a huge deal and it's really not okay. I don't think we really consider the fact that pausing our lives is just not as simple as ''oh you'll catch the next tour''. Maybe the band quits, maybe the musician dies, maybe you die. Maybe the world ends tomorrow. Maybe some of us love and live music and this is unbearable. Let me sit here and contemplate my cruel fate when GN'R will most likely be the next ones to be cancelled. Sigh.

This could go on for a damn long time, but I said some time ago that I'm keeping private shit off this blog so about 20 other fucked up disastrous things aside, I'm ending this post on something a bit more positive.

My ''favourite'' holiday is today…the unimagitive, consumerist orientated and a completely manipulative, shallow and stupid interpretation of love day. I wrote about it so many times that you know how I feel about it by now. Not about love, I love love, I think we need more of it on this hateful planet…it's just V day that I hate. Maybe it's horribly sappy of me but I think in a healthy relationship, love should be on the menu on a daily basis not just on specific day of the year. Maybe I read too many romantic books, maybe the whole paranormal romance is getting to me, maybe only vampires and angels are capable of forever, not because they live forever but because they know love on a different level than humans do. But what I wanted to say is that Valentines day this year was rather nice, with a card, with a little tiny gift, with a couple sweet words. It don't take much to feel loved and appreciated, but really you should tell these things to your loved ones daily…

Now if you'll excuse me, I have ''hate'' mail to complete to the post offices and a drawing I'm ridiculously proud of to finish because I already have two new ones in the works. This A3 one is complex and personal and yeah…fangirl in me is going crazy over it.

Hope y'all have a better Monday than I did, when all this is over I'm just drowning myself in beer and chips. Living healthy aye. Cheers. Oh and by chips I mean the American version now what y'all Britts have in mind atm. Btw speaking of Britts y'all catched Ed and Oli Sykes at the Britts? SO SICK! Go check it out right now. 

PA KAJ TE S TAO JE?!*

Vsaki kurčev dan je isti

Vse smrdi že od zavisti

Jebemo drug drugega

Ti frenda, foter malega

Nekaj nam ne štima v glavi

Ki so dnevi obsijani?

Kam je spizdla ironija?

Folk spet z okami zavija

Vsi smo kopije v programu

Lepi smo na Instagramu

Skrivamo za ekrani

Se gleamo postrani

Celi svet se nam odpira,

Motivacija podira

Aj je smisel vsega skupaj?

Pa kaj je sploh point?

Rad bi spizdo nekam stran,

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Rad bi šel drugam

Pa nea vem kam

Najrajši bi kr tu ostal

Pa vse sprefukal

Vse na glavo dal

Pa kaj ti bojo novi lajki,

Namišljene frustracije?

Ko veliki briljantni valček

Si del te umobolnice

Kaj te nič ni izučilo

Boi izjema ne pravilo

Boi tisti ki spreminja

Stopi vun pa reči ne!

Pa kaj te s tao je?

Pa kaj te s tao je?

Pa kaj te s tao je?

Pa kaj te z mano je?

Rad bi spizdo nekam stran

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Rad bi šel drugam

Pa nea vem kam

Al naj tu ostanem

Al naj rime kradem?

Rad bi spizdo nekam stran

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Rad bi šel drugam

Pa nea vem kam

Najrajši bi kr tu ostal

Pa vse sprefukal, vse na glavo dal

Rad bi vse naredo prav

Rad bi vse spoznal

Rad bi celi svet prepotoval

Da mi pol neo žal

Da mi pol neo žal

Da ti pol neo žal

Da nam pol neo žal

Rad bi spizdo nekam stran

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Rad bi šel drugam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Rad bi spizdo stran

Rad bi šel drugam

Rad bi spizdo nekam stran

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem kam

Pa nea vem...

Alo!Stari - Nea vem kam

No mourners, no funerals.

''We'll take this city, might burn it down, we'll break this city, and wear it like a crown''.

About time I sit down and write some of my own content huh? If only I can force my brain to co - operate. Oh my god you guys I am so tired. This week felt like an entire year. A year of bullshit and trauma and bad shit piled upon bad shit. I guess many of us feel that way but it's really been a bit much. And people wonder why I drink. And then suddenly I'm sitting in my grandmothers living room, drinking orange juice out of my mason jar, pretending to be ''healthy'' and she takes a sip going ''your juice went bad'', I'll count myself lucky that she didn't figure out that the juice that went bad was mostly vodka. Or wait, maybe she did know and decided to be quiet about it. Did y'all know Romania has vodka in like mini milk cartons? Imagine how convenient, I'd love that, going on my way sipping on vodka looking like I'm drinking milk. Sip sip bitch. 

Now that aside, since there are all but zero pleasures in my life besides booze, books and drawing, you can expect the posts to spin around those topics. I won't ramble on about music because well what's the fucking point? I want to slit my wrists knowing concerts might happen just without me there. I haven't seen a gig since my birthday in 2019, and I swear I am in physical pain. In other news I'm actually happy I decided to participate in Inktober 52 this year because despite having a hard time getting the proper materials (do people even understand what Micron not Omicron but Micron graphic liners are?) and ripping my hair out over lacking creativity and drawings that are somehow just never good enough for me, that aside it's still something I look forward to each week (only I'd be so sadistic to look forward to stressing myself out each week…well when stress is all you know…). A new drawing prompt is at least something that keeps my brain stimulated and working. This weeks prompt though (keep an eye out for the post on IG tomorrow) is a recycled Inktober idea, but that's not due to lack of ideas but firstly because some people when you say stripes all they see is a zebra and all I see is Gomez Addams. Y'all know I can't resist drawing my favourite couple. So I took my ''suit'' prompt from October and elevated it to a higher level. Why do I sound like judges in Masterchef right now? You need to take this plate and elevate it to a higher level. Lol. If they said that to me, the elevation I'd do is throwing the plate in their heads. But I'm off topic and this is a rant for another day. 

Alright so no, unfortunally for you I'm not sharing cocktail recipes with you today, though I should, feels like I'd do something good for the community, nor am I sharing a detailed description of a highly erotic dream I had in which a specific very attractive man explored every inch of my body (and I his) and let me tell you something just thinking about it makes all the cells in my body combust in fire, the hands, the hair pulling, the biting and choking. I'm going to start panting just thinking about it. Lol. So instead I'll be boring and I'll give you a book review and oh my god you guys what a book it is! I loved it from the first page to the last. 

Before I say anything at all about the content, look at that beaufitul collectors edition book. All satin black and red foiling! I am obsessed with all the pretty shiny foiling! The ''Niffler'' in me is going crazy. Lol you don't even see the way it sparkles on the picture but trust me, it's perfect. And how about that character art? Sharing my favourite couple obviously but there's other characters that are just as pretty. And the red pages! I am in love. 

You'll remember the author Leigh Bardugo from my other reviews. The Grisha verse triology, and my obsession with the Darkling. I'm still right there, my poor mistreated baby…sigh. This is a duology though and I've yet to read the second part, which I'm struggling with due to a massive spoiler I saw (seriously people flag and tag your ''porn'' we don't wanna see that shit) and it's kinda…you know not something I wanna see. Puts you off from reading. I'll get there eventually though.

Before you continiue this post will obviously contain massive spoilers for ''Six of crows'', so if you haven't read it, I'd say, get off your butt and go get a jug of vodka and juice (or just vodka, hey I aint judging) instead, and if you did read it and still wanna read my ramblings and ravings, welcome, I'm so happy to have you here. 

Straight off the bat, this book is so hyped up. Everyone is talking about it, everyone is reading it, everyone is raving about it. That's usually another turn off for me because it was proven again and again that something that the masses love, I tend to hate. I can't help it, that's just how it is, my brain is hardwired the wrong way, I explained that a couple of times before. I'm usually a bit scared to go read super hyped up books because of that reason alone. I tend to be disappointed in the end, I'm looking at you 365 days. Utter garbage believe me. 

Excuse me I was interrupted by my mother yelling downstairs ''your mafioso is on tv'', could be many of them tbh but it was Thomas Shelby which obviously means all my undivided attention in a heart beat. My god that man. And oh dear god those crystal clear baby blues, like a hurricane on a Scandinavian coast. A blue so deep you don't even see the bottom. Sigh. I'm lost in a fantasy, ignore it, I'll pull myself together and pretend I'm any good at book reviews. Hey we're not all writers, some of us are just bullshitting through life, pretending we know what we're doing. Pretending our lives aren't going to shit or that we have any control at all. Pretending everything is fine when we open the car door on a parking lot and stumble outside in a landslide of cans and bottles. But seriously don't drink and drive kids, you may spill your drink (Joke. Seriously it's a joke, if y'all still know what humor is).

So super hyped up book, I had a hard time finding someone who wouldn't like it. Which tbh, fair enough, it's a fantastic book. It's beautifully written, full off action, a little ''constipated'' romance with fools who don't understand they're in love (aren't we all right there though?) and criminals that in the end their biggest crime will be stealing your heart.  Oh wait! Before we go on, this has very little actual ties to the Grishaverse triology but I'd still suggest you read those first because then this will make more sense. I kinda would call it the unofficial part four since it's happening after the events in the third book of the triology, but also not really, it's part four in the way of a fully established fantasy world. Or well you can watch the tv show because they brilliantly combined the two. That was a stroke of genius tbh to combine the triology and duology in one action packed tv show. Great job to whoever came up with it. 

So this story alternates betweeen six characters obviously since it's titled ''six of crows'' six crows…and I am not usually  the biggest fan of the plot  being split between two points of view never mind six! But I found myself enjoying the way this plot works especially since with every separate character and their chapters we learn a bit more of their backstory which really explains who they are and how they became the way they were. Let's be honest they're essentially teenagers but act more mature than fifty plus year olds around me. Obviously something  (life) made them that way.

They're described as followed;

- A convict with a thirst for revenge 

- A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager

- A runaway with a privileged past

- A spy known as the Wraith

- A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums

- A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes

The plot focuses on an impossible heist for a huge reward. Meaning a large chunk of money, but what the points of view switching tells us is different motivation. Everyone has a different reason for needing money, for needing to complete the task at hand.  And in more than one case it's not about the money but rather in buying freedom. If that's not something I'd understand more then well right now then nothing is.

I take it Kaz is pretty much the main character here, the story revolves around him. Dirty hands. The bastard of the barrel and the brilliant criminal mind who undertakes insane missions and heists in order to build up an empire and a name and all fueled by revenge. Yes I understand that too. Revenge just might be my biggest motivation as well. In some aspects of life that is. The story shows us some of the impossible missions he already undertook and then introduces us to the heist that is so daring and so crazy, even he may not make it happen. Does he though? Well read the book...

Wait a second, I didn't even think of it this way before but in this book I have two favourites, one being Kaz, who is essentially a gang leader…of course he is. And the other is Matthias who is blond and blue eyed. Son of a bitch. I really never stray far from my likes…and I didn't even realise. Sigh. 

Ironically I can relate to the cold hearted and ruthless part of Kaz most. The part that doesn't care how much violence something needs to get it done, and the part of him that does anything in his power for those he cares about. Yeah. He's dealing with his trauma, there are reasons he is the way he is and that's another thing I can perfectly understand. Don't we all have some sorta fucked up baggage we can't really process?

I'm literally in between typing this solving quizes online on who is my Grishaverse soulmate, already assuming all I get is the Darkling but lets keep the options open…hm first result says Nikolai, second says Kaz and the third one said Nikolai again. Well makes sense, another pretty blond. Lol. And it shows my mind is all over the place if I can focus on one simple task at hand. Finishing this damn post that I've been working on and off pretty much the entire day.

I actually think this may be the first heist book I've ever read. Seriously. I can't remember any before this one, it was always hurt / comfort. Mutual pining. Heartache. Heartbreaks etc…and murder, and vampires. And well angel – human forbidden romances, what can I say I'm predictable. But books with happy endings mind you. Life is so tragic as is I don't want none of that shit in my books as well. So a heist in a fantasy world, with a crazy group of misfits, that may or may not pull it off? Sign me up for that. I'll admit though in the begining it takes a little while for the story to really take off, but I get it's the story / character building so it's okay, it might turn off some readers though. But you guys look at it this way, even in the bedroom you need some foreplay before you go to town…

And what I wasn't too happy about was the cliff ending closure. Like. I do NOT like cliff hangers. This time I'm looking at you The Witcher season 2. I mean fine at least I already have part two but what if you're waiting on it for like…years? I mean I suck at this, the story will keep eating at me and drive me crazy. No closure is something I'm really bad at. Call it personal trauma like Kaz' but really…not my fave thing in the world. Good thing though that this cliff hanger isn't enough to ruin the book for me. Lol. I still love it.  

Completely unrelated but why are so many reviews these days a bunch of people yapping on youtube? Do people honestly watch that? Ridiculous. Everyone wanna be a vlogger or ''influencer'' these days. What a dumb word btw. Actually what a dumb concept. Like anyone really cares what Karen had for breakfast this morning or how she ran out of her favourite shampoo. Sorry, I can't wrap my head around the fact how can you take them seriously. Or how can you watch them. Or worse let yourself be influenced by them…so strange. 

Why.Am.I.Constantly.Carried.Away.In.This.Review? Maybe because like a cat avoiding hot porridge, I'm avoiding the topic of Matthias. My sweet baby angel, who was taught to hate all his life but learned to love. Please stab me in the heart because it will hurt less. This whole enemies to lovers thing? I'm a thirsty bitch for it. And after all this growth and development and love…? You get part two of the duology and well…those of you that know know, the rest of you…well I aint breaking your heart. Read the book. With caution though. It hurts.

I'm going to stop rambling and I'll share some of my favourite quotes instead. They're fun and my jumbled mind might manage that better then bullshitting my way trough the story and butchering this review, to simplify all the raving…I love the book, you should read it. 

''Many boys will bring you flowers. But someday you'll meet a boy who will learn your favorite flower, your favorite song, your favorite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.''

''Kaz leaned back. ''What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?''

''Knife to the throat?'' asked Inej.

''Gun to the back?'' said Jesper.

''Poison in his cup?'' suggested Nina.

''You're all horrible'' said Matthias'' 

''I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.''

''When everyone knows you're a monster, you needn't waste time doing every monstrous thing.''

''Brick by brick, I will destroy you.''

One of the best quotes might be this one though;

'' ''They fear as I once feared you'' he said. ''As you once feared me. We are all someone's monster, Nina.'' ''

This is something Matthias says to Nina and when you think about it it's so true for non fantasy world. Matthias and Nina both grew up with their countries at war, both raised with prejudices and hatred bred towards each other and the significant part of it is the truth of it, no matter what you do, you will always be someone's monster. Someone will always believe you to be in the wrong. And the important part is that as this part of the book goes on Matthias tells Nina that she taught him to be something better, which shows us that he went from the hatred he was taught to believe in to seeing the truth. Opening his eyes and seeing the truth, let love win. It's beautiful once you think about it. 

And my absolutely favorite quote because I'm a sappy Italian romantic bitch; 

''I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together, knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting.'' 

Now to end this post…and probably throwing myself into more sadness. Like I need more sadness in my life huh? Today would of been Michael Hutchences' birthday. And that always makes me sad. Do me a favor, play a little INXS for him today. And also the sudden death of the French actor Gaspard Ulliel, god…I can't. He was so talented, and such  a bright light. It's just sad you guys. And it stabs me in the heart each morning when I wake up and see a picture of him in a Chanel commercial on my wall. Sigh. Rest in peace love. 

I think that's it. I think I need to stop playing with madness and shut up, y'all enjoy the rest of the weekend and stay strong on another dreadful Monday. Cheers. Bonus tho if you made it this far, a doodle of Mr. Kaz Brekker. If you read the book or maybe a little bit from this post as well, you'll understand why he's literally me. Or I him. 

Who will change the world.

How was your first week guys? If this is a test trial period then I don't think I want the full subscription. Sigh. However today you're not getting any wisdom from me. Today I'm sharing an article by a local reporter (B.S.), which I will translate but I will not be sharing his name or the magazine name, if you're interested send me a private message, I won't post publicly so they don't get backlash or unwanted hate mail. Obviously all intelectual properties in this blog post  belong to said reporter. I hope you read it even if in parts it reads like a crime novel. Most important thing you need to know though is that this article was posted in July of 2010! 12 years ago. I think it's a fascinating read, especially in the year 2022 and even more so how we the people colletively forgot about all the things in the article. 

A crime against taxpayers

Last year's hot summer was marked by fear of the swine flu virus, which many prominent experts and also the world's most serious media fell for. 

The whole industry was waiting for a pandemic… Tom Jefferson, epidemiologist.

The United Nations and business need each other. We need your innovation, your initiative, your technological courage. But business also needs the United Nations. In search of an ideal environment in which business could flourish… Ban Ki-moon, UN Secretary-General.

Last year's hot summer was marked by fear of the swine flu virus, which many prominent experts and also the world's most serious media fell for. Probably because the H1N1 virus, first discovered in Mexico, was in fact unstoppably conquering the world at the time. By the end of last April, in just a few days after the discovery, it had quickly infected nine countries. In mid-June 2009, it was detected in 74 countries. Just two weeks later, in the first days of last July, the World Health Organization (WHO) was horrofied to report that the virus was already killing in 120 countries. At the beginning of May this year, it owned practically the whole world. H1N1 has been discovered in 214 countries and overseas territories.

The scenarios that unfolded after last year's outbreak of swine flu in Mexico were at first downright horrific: the H1N1 virus will infect at least two billion people, hundreds of thousands will die… In the US alone, $ 2 billion was instantly spent on drugs, and the government allocated an additional $ 7.5 billion for prevention. But the apocalyptic predictions did not come true. As they did not with sars and bird flu. By the beginning of May this year, 17,919 people had died from the virus, but the common seasonal flu is taking at least ten times as many lives worldwide. It causes 250,000 to 500,000 deaths each year, according to the WHO. Independent experts say that this "terrible" new flu has even proven to be the mildest form of the disease since the official outbreak of influenza in the world »

Panic with a background

So the panic was unnecessary. So who triggered it and who benefited the most from it? It is clear that the World Health Organization has acted unscientific and irrational in this story, warns British MP Paul Flynn, rapporteur of the Council of Europe on the subject. As early as May last year, China, Britain, Japan and some other influential countries, as the Associated Press reported at the time, loudly warned WHO to be careful with announcements about the spread of the disease, as there could be unnecessary panic and confusion. But in Geneva, where the WHO is headquartered, such advice has not been heeded. In the same month, they first changed the definition of a pandemic (mortality was no longer important; by then, only 144 people had died from the H1N1 virus worldwide), and then on June 11, 2009, the new disease was declared a pandemic.

German epidemiologist dr. Wolfgang Wodarg, who was the first to launch a serious expert debate on this topic in the Council of Europe last December with his False Pandemic - Health Threat initiative, firmly believes that Geneva did not decide to declare a pandemic out of health concerns, but it was a carefully planned move aimed primarily at boosting vaccine sales. “There is simply no other explanation for what happened. Why else would we change the definition of a pandemic? ”Said the then ruthless Wodarg, who is no longer in the Council of Europe. As he was not elected to the Bundestag in the last German elections, he is no longer a member of the German delegation to the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe (PACE). That is why his mission was taken over by the British Paul Flynn, who, together with the German, prepared a truly excellent and highly critical report for the June PACE meeting in Strasbourg. It should be seriously considered by all European governments, which in this story (un) intentionally fell for experts and earners from the pharmaceutical industry.

Vietnam War virus

H1N1 has been declared a completely new and hitherto unknown virus by the World Health Organization. But practice has quickly revealed that this is not the case. Patients over the age of 65 reacted significantly differently to the virus than younger people. This could mean that they have met it before and thus maintained their immunity. This was also confirmed in Strasbourg by prof. dr. Ulrich Keil from the Epidemiological Institute at the University of Münster. According to him, the virus was brought to the United States in the 1970s by soldiers returning from the Vietnam War.

The disease was already christened the Asian swine flu at the time. The panic was considerable. Nearly 40 million people were vaccinated in America at the time, fearing it was a virus similar to the Spanish flu that killed tens of millions of people after World War I. But the vaccination was stopped the moment they found out that it was basically a very mild disease. The swine flu at the time claimed only one death in the United States, and at least 30 people died from the vaccine. The side effects were devastating. As many as several hundred Americans have been diagnosed with the incurable Guillain-Barr syndrome, which also causes paralysis.

Also this time, comparisons with the Spanish flu were completely superfluous, adds dr. Keil. This took place in the historical context of the First World War. It was transmitted by soldiers who, due to malnutrition, exhaustion, wounds and lack of medicines as we know them today, were easy prey for all possible viruses and diseases. Therefore, the deadly harvest at that time simply cannot be compared to today's times, as medicine today is completely different from health care almost a hundred years ago, warns Dr. Keil.

Fact is that those who decided on the pandemic were exaggerating. What they wanted to achieve with that, only they know. The panic was terrible. For example, Karin Andersen, an MEP from Norway, said in Strasbourg people in the queues in front of health centers were literally fighting for the vaccine out of fear of the virus. And condemned the politicians for failing to provide a sufficient number of doses in a timely manner.

But the problem was also that, due to panic, even doctors in many places could no longer distinguish between flu and flu-like illnesses caused by at least two hundred different viruses. Epidemiologist Tom Jefferson of the Cochrane Collaboration, for example, says only 7 to 15 percent of patients with flu symptoms actually get swine flu. In many countries, therefore, there are serious difficulties in distinguishing between patients who died of swine flu (had flu symptoms but died of other pathologies) and patients who died exclusively of swine flu (this was the leading cause of death). The confusion was therefore complete, and the conditions for falsifying statistics - and fishing in the mud - were also ideal.

Geneva Secret Committee

One of the main bodies dealing with epidemics and pandemics in the World Health Organization is the so-called Strategic Advisory Group of Experts (SAGE). But the Director-General of the WHO - this task is now performed by Dr. Margaret Chan, who did not get vaccinated against the flu, as she allegedly did not have time for that - she can also appoint a special Emergency Committee in case of serious complications. Said committee has met eight times since the outbreak in Mexico and the United States in April last year until May 2009. And apparently fatally influenced the fact that Geneva then decided to declare a pandemic.

But when the Council of Europe asked the WHO for the names of the members of this committee, which are secret by agreement, the Geneva response was negative. Explaining that these people would be subjected to terrible pressure from various companies and interest groups after their identities were revealed…Strasbourg received a similar reply from The European Center for Disease Control and Prevention (ECDC), which has been operating in Stockholm since 2005. This institution also did not want to reveal the names of experts who were obviously on the same wavelengths when deciding on the pandemic with their colleagues from Geneva. The transparency of the operation on which Europe is actually based upon has failed the swine flu test. The scandal was complete with this.

Sleeping contracts

Different European countries have reacted differently to the pandemic. Some governments have already signed so-called "sleeping contracts" with pharmaceutical companies after the (completely harmless) bird flu, which activated them as soon as the WHO declared a swine flu pandemic. But a vaccine for them has not yet been provided. Companies started supplying it on a first-come, first-served basis, with prices two to three times higher than the usual seasonal flu vaccine. This "package" also included a clear warning that most of the vaccine's side effects would be the responsibility of the governments themselves »

The British government has earmarked £ 570 million for the vaccine, according to Paul Flynn. A huge sum, which was logical in the event of an outbreak of swine flu, as the British Ministry of Health predicted that the H1N1 virus on the Island would take at least 65,000 lives. By spring, less than 500 Britons had died from the flu…

They reacted similarly in France, where they initially ordered 94 million doses of the vaccine, worth 365 million euros. But because the virus turned out to be less scary than it was portrayed, official Paris managed to rescind the contract for 50 million doses. Only 5.7 million French people have been vaccinated against the flu. Some vaccines have been sold to other countries, but there are still 25 million doses in storage, which will expire later this year. So the government has thrown away a huge amount of money because of the pandemic, which did not exist. A real crime against taxpayers.

Poland said no

Similar dramas have taken place in other European countries. The only bright exception was Poland, which, thanks to the determined Minister of Health Ewe Kopacz, a former pediatrician, did not buy the vaccine. Warsaw intended to do so. It is expected to be bought for about two million of the most vulnerable people. But the conditions set by pharmaceutical companies for the purchase were unacceptable to the minister. The traders demanded that the government take responsibility for any possible side effects. “I will not buy medicines from you that you do not guarantee for. When writing a prescription, you must first ask yourself this question: Would you prescribe this medicine to your children or your mother? ”Ewa Kopacz was determined, and the pharmaceutical giants left Warsaw disappointed. The Polish minister was one of the few in the world who realized in time that the swine flu pandemic is not as serious as it is portrayed, and that it is clearly due to great financial interests.

There was a great deal of logic in these reflections of hers. The results of the financial operations of the large pharmaceutical companies that produced the vaccine actually showed huge profits. According to the well-known investment bank JP Morgan, the companies are expected to generate profits of between 7 and 10 billion euros by selling the vaccine in 2009 alone. They were right at JP Morgan. Sanofi-Aventis, for example, announced earlier this year that the company generated as much as 7.8 billion euros in net profit last year. Largely due to the successful sale of the swine flu vaccine.

Untested vaccine

Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg claims that the pandemic has enabled pharmaceutical companies to turn large piles of money into overnight (secret) contracts with governments precisely because of good "business ties" with the WHO. Pharmacists have thoroughly prepared for this event. Also with the development of super fast - newly patented and therefore more profitable - methods for making vaccines in bioreactors with the help of fast-growing cancer-like cells. But these vaccines have not been clinically tested and can therefore be very dangerous. Neither children nor pregnant women should be vaccinated with them, warns Wodarg. In Germany, for example, Novartis optaflu was therefore rejected.

It is clear that in recent years a strong and extremely strong network of corruption has been forged between Geneva and the pharmaceutical giants. With a single goal: to make as much money as possible. The WHO has persistently denied this, but has not provided any evidence to that effect. Some media have therefore recently started a real hunt for influential people in the World Health Organization, who also had close ties with the pharmaceutical industry. One such was dr. Albert Osterhaus, a member of the WHO’s Strategic Expert Group of Advisors, has had his fingers in all the panic reactions to viruses they have discovered over the past decade. That is why he was nicknamed Dr. Flu…

Under pressure from the public, including the Council of Europe, Geneva decided in June this year to launch an investigation into possible indecent connections. But they tackled the problem again very strangely. It turned out that the commission of inquiry included as many as six members of the aforementioned emergency committee, which essentially made all the key decisions. These six men were therefore to judge the decisions they themselves had proposed to the WHO's top leadership. A farce without precedent. When this detail came to light, two controversial members of the commission of inquiry immediately resigned, and the remaining four are still not bothered by this conflict of interest.

The real killers of civilization

The fake swine flu pandemic has revealed a series of abuses and irregularities that plague virtually all of modern society today: complete non-transparency in making important decisions, corruption, clientelism, intertwining business interests. And worst of all: earnings were more important in this story than people’s health. In apparent alliance with the pharmaceutical industry, which has smelled the opportunity for big profits here, the World Health Organization has shifted all its attention, influence and (taxpayer) money to a peripheral virus, while for the worst killers of today's civilization, such as high blood pressure, cholesterol, depression, diabetes, cancer or AIDS virtually does not care at all.

In less developed countries, for example, 26,000 children die every day from malnutrition and curable diseases alone. That’s almost ten million dead children a year! Shocking statistics, says Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg, but neither the WHO nor the governments of developed countries are doing anything about this terrible number. There are no profits with the poor! However, these same governments were all at once willing to spend billions of public money to tackle the not-so-dangerous H1N1 virus. Really upside down world.

Who will change the world? Certainly not those who are silent about it. The fake swine flu pandemic has revealed a series of abuses and irregularities that plague all of modern society today. And worst of all: earnings were more important in this story than people’s health.

''The people are the government, and the people have the power. All we have to do is awaken the power in the people.''

I'm literally sitting here in the middle of the night updating and writing shit posts for two of my blogs in order to keep my breathing (should I say panting?) under control. I watched the Witcher. Binged watched the Witcher and I have a couple of problems. Starting with how dare they cast Henry Cavill as the Witcher. Oh my gawd I'm not okay. That gray hair, yellow eyes and leather does things to me which in turn make me wanna do things to him. Bad bad things. Lol. Second thing they're giving us all these trailers, sneak peaks before the release and my mind the entire time was just ''bard bard bard bard bard''. Literally. No joke. OH MY GOD HAVE YOU HEARD THE SONG?! (Burn Butcher Burn) It came from a broken heart? Please unfollow, stop reading, block my posts because this is all I'm going to be talking about for a long while. Henry's voice in that Witcher mode growl? Lord help me I need Jesus and a confession. So damn sexy. And I would literally sell my soul to the devil twice to have him wrap his hands around my neck and growl into my ear (straight of set, in his Witcher gear still lol). Though my fangirling and freaking out aside, season two is better in every single way than season one was. Also, I need Henry's necklace bad! Anyone knows any good replica shops? Let me know if you do.

In more important news, my fellow Tumblr and Apple users, y'all seen this new tagging bullshit right? I hope every single employee at Apple gets beheaded. Sincerly. I prefered iPhones over Androids always but this? This is seriously crossing any and all lines of good taste. Why the fuck can't I use the tag ''mine'' anymore for my art? What kinda fucking problem can Apple have with that? I get tags for things that may be triggering but here's a wild idea how about banning triggering things all together so no tags are needed? Huh? I mean like look at an example banning the tag ''antisemitism'' is only preventing the discussion about it but not the content itself. The only message they're sending out this way is that creating a bricked up garden with hateful posts is acceptable on social media while pointing out that it's hateful is not. What the fuck for real. Listen to me and listen to me good, I aint censoring myself and fuck them iOS users (yes I know I'm one of them).  If anyone wanna read the idiotism of blocked tags here's the list  (Click me )

My fave gotta be suicide prevention and safe sex. WHAT IN GODS NAME IS BAD ABOUT THAT APPLE?!

Also that aside, I need to focus on the vinyl playing (yes finally after a year, a miracle my player still works after being neglected for so long) music, which was put on the player in order to either prevent me from going into a fit of rage over Apple and our government doing idiotic, fascistic bullshit or getting overly horny over the perfect human being that is Henry Cavill. Clearly wrong choice of music since I'm still both, angry and horny which in normal circumstances aint a bad thing to be honest, aint nothing quite like a little rough, hate sex. But back to the music there aint nothing hateful or rough about this man… 

Y'all know I do not like the Beatles. Really they're not my cup of tea. Over rated in every aspect and why the hell would you listen to the Beatles when you had the Stones? But their solo work I love. Most of it anyways. McCartney and Lennon at least. Lol.

This album came out in 1982 and it was released after John died. As a tribute to his solo career. It was supposed to come out in 81' but I believe it was held back for a year due to some legal bullshit. Isn't there always some legal bullshit? I think this had to do with that some songs were owned by Geffen and some by EMI and they probably couldn't come to an agreement. The album of course includes some of his biggest singles from his solo albums as well as my fave song by him which no is not Imagine but Stand by me. Though of course Imagine has better lyrics and story, aren't we all dreamers after all? I might be into Stand by me far more due to a fond memory tbh. It's not everyday at a karaoke bar where you get a musician who is supposed to be a good singer but had one too many drinks dedicate this song to you in a pink feathery boa, howling like a wounded moose. Good times. Now I don't even know what karaoke or a bar are to be honest.

Over all the selection of songs is alright but a little strange. I mean starting with ''Give peace a chance'' such a John Lennon thing to say. We all should give peace a chance, we all should live in peace but honestly, I don't have John's optimism or dreamer nature so I can't imagine the world giving peace a chance, at least not as long as humans live. It's a great start of the record though. ''Instant Karma''? Yes. I wish daily that Karma whoops some butts of some people that really deserve it. Another one of those, will I ever see it moments? It seems to me that this world is far more prone to favour idiots and assholes than it is to favour good people. I'm not even talking about myself here, I know I'm not perfect, I know I've made many mistakes, pissed off some people, hurt some people. But I know people that are nothing but kind and caring and loving and they seem to be on the receiving end of all bad things, always.

Third song side A is important. ''Power to the people''. I take it if you're here reading this post you know at least a little bit about John Lennon, you know his political stance and his ''rebelious'' nature. So you'll know this song is a Revolutionary statement. He wrote this song as a call to action of sorts, a response to the radical politics in the 60's. Deja Vu these days aint it?

Basically the phrase speaks for itself, obviously indicating that the people need to take control from the governments and institutions, which Lennon himself fought for and advocated. I often think how miserable and disappointed he'd be in the world we live in now. I don't think he'd enjoy watching the governments trampling rights and abusing people, or maybe I'm wrong and he'd be the voice of reason, the person that starts a proper riot. You know the kind that burns cities to the grounds. Metaphorically speaking, we all know John wouldn't hurt a fly. But you know what he said about this song? It was during the time him and Yoko (ugh) were doing the footage for the Imagine documentary, he was asked about the precise meaning of the song. Stupid question because wtf are you an illiterate idiot or…? Anyways what John said was ''The people are the government, and the people have the power. All we have to do is awaken the power in the people.''

This statement is exactly what I'm trying to make people see. People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of it's people. The very first second people start being afraid of their leaders it's no longer democracy but totalitarism. And the fact that we let them get away with everything, the fact that we let them use and abuse us, let them decide what they think we should do with our lives, with our bodies, with our beliefs. It's absolutely perverse.

Cute story a month after this song was released the Chi-Lites ''(For God's sake) Give more power to the people'' came out and though they wrote mostly about love and heartbreak they occassionally released a political song as well. Though they wrote about feelings, didn't want to get involved, John Lennon was different, he was up to his balls involved.

And then you got ''Whatever gets you through the night''. Well John, freshly sharpened pencils, couple of sheets of blank paper and gallons of coffee. Most nights. Some nights staring at the nightly starry skies wondering if someone else miles away is looking at the same sky as I am. Some nights simply lost in my head in either scenarios that end up hurting me or fantasies in which someone and I'm not going to lie it's mostly Henry, is attending my deepest, darkest fantasies, making them come true. So there. That's what gets me through the night. What am I saying. Sometimes it's literally chilled JD Honey.

Fun fact. Whatever gets you through the night is Lennons only solo number one single in the US during his life and he was the last member of the Beatles to achieve this. Recording includes Elton John on harmony / back vocals and piano. And another fun fact / cute story. Elton bet John that this song would top the charts but John was so sceptical that he said if it does he'll appear on stage at one of Elton's preformances. So the song hit number one and Lennon appeared at John's Thanksgiving gig at Madison square garden in 1974, which was Lennon's last major concert appearance.

I don't need to specifically go into Imagine and why that song is so important and meaningful right? I think we all know what it means and what the message behind it is aye?

There's of course other songs on this album like; Dream (what are those?), Mind games (aren't we all subjected to those lately?), Love (what is that?), Happy Xmas war is over (is it though?), Jealous guy, (just like) starting over (that's all I really want, a fresh start), Woman (according to new Ios – tumblr tag block a woman no longer exists lol), I'm losing you (sigh), Beautiful boy (darling boy), Watching the wheels (what is he a dog chasing a car?), Dear Yoko (gross. Come on I can't be the only one with a distaste towards Yoko?). But those all aside let's focus on my fave one eh? Yes because it's my fave that's all you're getting.

The blonde singer that sang this to me in a bar. Oh my god. Lol. He butchered the song, if there was ever anyone turning around in their grave then it was John during this ''preformance''. Tho the lyrics were all correct the singing was…well..takes a few tequila shots to ''enjoy'' the howling. I also heard David from Simple plan sing Stand by me, few times. Loved it. But lets go back to the original song. Which is not Lennons at all! This always happens to me I love a song by a certain artist and learn it's not theirs at all but a cover. Sigh. Ok so the original was released in 1961 by Ben E King. And last time I checked there's about 400 versions of this song out there. Can you imagine that? 400 different versions of the same song. I imagine it's the same with Hallelujah though. Apparently King said it was inspired by Sam Cooke's song ''Stand by my father'' could be. And another reason why I like it. Lets be honest everyone knows I love me some Sam Cooke. Oh look another thing on my bucket list, I need like a greatest hits by Cooke vinyl with Cupid and Change is gonna come and most importantly Twistin the night away. Bestie and I would dance to that song on the frozen Lake Bodom being stupid together. Fun times. Imagine how much more fun it would be if that ice cracked under our feet. Lol. Thank god Finland is practially permanetnly frozen.

I love how John covered this song, I love the acoustic guitar and I love the solo in between. I always hate it when someone takes a song and wants to make it 100% the same. If you're a singer, put some of yourself in the song, make it your own nobody wants to hear the same song all over again only sung in a different voice. Like metal singers do with Disney songs? Yeah I love that shit.

Either way I need to wrap this up because there's a sketch of Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders on my desk screaming for my attention and if there's one thing I can't resist is fresh new sharpened pencils and a pretty face to sketch. Y'all watched this show btw? Amazing! I love it so much and Cillian Murphy is so good in it. I had a thing about him before, those eyes! But I feel like he was born for this role, clothes, face, hair! All of it fits. It wasn't my thing before till I was persuaded into watching it and since said person doing the persuading has to suffer through my moaning and panting over the Witcher…it was only fair I watch some of his content too. Thank fuck I did. (Also Tom Hardy!).

Right the album! The first posthumous release and it did super well, reaching number one in UK (of course it did) and number thirty three in US where it also went triple platinum but what's more important and also kinda creepy is that the front and back cover pictures (they're awesome aren't they?) were taken by the amazing Annie Leibovitz and just a few hours later John was murdered. Jeesh.

Either way, despite not being a huge fan this is an album I enjoy now and then. For calming your nerves and anger and horniness there's no better cure. Lol. I suggest you give it a spin.

So enjoy your week you guys, last week of 2021, I don't know should I be relieved or terrified? Either way I'm glad this shit year, another shit year actually, is finally ending.

This Christmas instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone my opinions.

People call me bitter a lot these days. Yea. Maybe I am. Maybe Christmas is something we should all enjoy despite our religious status.  Maybe the point of Christmas isn't that much in the birth of Jesus but spreading positivity and love and light (isn't that what he would of wanted?). Whatever that is. Maybe. 

It wasn't always like this you know, my dad and I did the whole Christmas tree, nativity scenes, lights, presents, the whole ordeal. The tree had cotton balls spread on it's branches to make it look like snow, all kinds of ornaments from all over the world, and a red star on top of it, with colorful twinkling lights. I admit the nativity scene was far off, we did a ranch with animals and cowboys and no baby Jesus but the effort was there. The dog had a Christmas hat pretending to be Santa's little helper and we had literally any and all types of food you could imagine. 

Things changed. The near word Christmas and those idiotic Christmas songs throw me into murderous rage. The lights make me sick and the all together gloomy atmosphere is enough to make one wanna slit their writsts. I'm here rambling and ranting because as per tradition of course my family already ruined any and all chance of a Holiday. After they succesfully threw me into a sour mood with their declaration of how stupid I am, my clothing style, my hair, the fact that I'm an idiot who's grades in school were handed to her and some more about ''getting nowhere in life''. Well…no wonder I'm cooped up in my room talking to myself on the blog. Here's the deal, Christmas in my book is hell. It's the same always. When we're forced to actually spend time together all hell breaks loose (yes you can imagine how much fun the last year has been). Maybe that's why I dread December instead of look forward to it. Maybe I just wanna be left the hell alone. 

And the crazy part is if I was allowed to decorate how I want without being called an idiot because ''that's just not how things work'' who the fuck decided how things work? And if I was seated at the table with people that are actually happy to have each other…maybe then I wouldn't be bitter either. I want a black Christmas tree with gothic ornaments and band logos, and a Grinch on top of it and someone who looks at me the way I look at puppies and Henry Cavill, watching Home alone with me while drinking hot cocoa which I don't even like but I would for the purpose of this fantasy. I guess I honestly only wish for love and understanding. And probably for the whole world to disappear but let's not get crazy with wishes. I guess starting small, at home, would do. 

The only highlight December, Christmas, New years, used to have were open air concerts in the city center, with cinnamon apple fries and mulled wine or hot gin. And well…yeah we know where we are this year. Depression. Gloominess. Darkness. Even the fireworks are quiet (bez tebe šuti vatromet)…''Most wonderful time of the year'' aye?

Lets not even start with the fact that people believing into a cosmic being born to a thirteen yearold without intercourse is my biggest problem but I learned lately that people will believe anything depending on how you present it to them. Though lets be serious there's one positive development. This year I was spared any and all Christmas shopping, I didn't have to watch shopping zombies in the store, I didn't have to lose my mind in a mall, I didn't have to drive and go crazy over no parking space. No Corona passport, no drama. Everything is good for something aye. 

Alright, instead of rambling I'll wish you those of you that celebrate a great Christmas day, I hope you spend it with your loved ones, family, friends, pets, yourself, your books, your vinyl. Whatever floats your boat. 

Merry Christmas guys.