Be Merry, stay Scary.

I know, I know. Your annual ''how I hate Christmas'' blog is missing. I'd like to say I'm older and wiser now, or that I changed my mind and started celebrating it, but lets be serious we all know that's not the case. What's different this year is that maybe I've done some soul searching or looking into myself, or that deep dark pit that's supposed to be my soul (tbh it's M.I.A.) and realised some things. 

First one being I still despise Christmas movies and music with a burning passion, they're tacky, overly joyful and just tastless. That aint ever going to change. If I hear that god awful disgusting whatever it is song (you know the one? Mariah Carey sings it?) again I might actually massacre half this town. ''All I want for Christmas''? Is for you to shut up. Second thing is that people just go into a frenzy. Like literally people are insane, with their mass buying and forced smiles, and fake ''oh I love my family so much'' bullshit, arguing over parking spaces and last article of god knows what in stores…yeah I can't stand that. Don't mind me just on an urgent tampon run but it feels like I have to battle 7 levels of inferno first before I get them. 

I hate hate HATE the consumers market revolving around a family. The Christian type family that is. Mom, dad, kids. I have nothing against it btw, but I have a whole lot against it being forced down our throats like that. News flash, a lot of kids don't have what you call a ''normal family'' (what even is normal anyway), a lot of us don't have a functioning family at all, and honestly? It's painful watching all this. It really is. Don't you think all kids want that? Don't you think I want that? I hate the marketing of a million products we have to buy in order to be happy. Sigh. A lot of people can't afford the bare needs no more so guess what Santa is skipping their kids this  Christmas. How do you think they feel? I honestly hate that. 

But I think the biggest thing for me might be a form of PTSD. There hasn't been one. Just fucking ONE December without arguing in my house. I haven't had one nice holiday since I was like eight yearsold celebrating it somewhere up in the mountains. But really, it's always the same. I dread December because for me it's filled with screaming, pointless arguments, slamming doors and silent mass. And it's hell. I would honestly enjoy some tacky lights, and poorly wrapped presents and pumpkin spice everything and just for a few hours forgetting the world outside and just having a nice quiet family meal. It seems to me we can't even do that no more. Everything turns into an argument. Either political, religious or just completely idiotic as in why are your car keys on the counter and not in the hallway. As if it freaking matters. It's my problem when I can't find them aint it? 

I didn't mean the fake smiles and fake happiness and just forcing to get through it with a bottle of wine and stupid jokes type family events which I have been suffering through in the past and only recently realised the full aspect of how fake they actually were. I meant…I don't even know really, y'all watched Supernatural? In season 3 there's a ''a very Supernatural Christmas'' episode. The brothers are somewhere on the road alone, and they make do with like a branch with car fresheners instead of ornaments and silly gas station gifts, but it's not that that matters but them, celebrating, because they are family and each other is all they really need? Kinda like that. Or maybe like when I was actually little like five and up and my dad and I did a nativity scene with dinosaurs that ate baby Jesus. Well might be a bit disrespectful now that I think about it but it's still a fond memory. And we actually made food together, and ate together and watched Die Hard which is still the best Christmas movie out there. Do not fight me on this. 

Maybe I wasn't as bitter if I didn't lose everyone I cared most about in December, if I didn't argue with my family non stop, if I didn't get lawsuits from the rest of my family and the bank a day before the holiday start, if I felt like there is something to celebrate after all. Maybe if the forced happiness wouldn't make me gag and if people around me were nicer even if just playing nice. Idk. Maybe that would change things. But until it does I'll sit here with a bottle of wine because aint nothing that dulls the pain like Rose, and here's to hoping that a concert I really wanted to see tonight happens. If not it will the fourth in the row this month to be cancelled. Ah 2022 the gift that never stops giving aye.

But my bitterness aside I wish you guys a very Merry Christmas, to all you celebrate, I hope you have a great time, with your families whatever type of family it is, with your kids, partners, cats, plants. Whatever floats your boat. And to the rest of you who don't celebrate, I hope you find the strength to get through it, lord knows it aint easy, and if you want just a tiny sprinkle of holidays in your life, may I suggest a cute book to read?

Cheers, may the booze flow slow and the time pass fast. 

Thank you for the venom.

When I started this blog I promised to be more positive. To write about things I love, things that excite me instead of things that bring me down. Things that ''take the light behind my eyes''. Y'all know what I'm hinting at aren't you?  The problem was that these happy things or happy times if you will came so rarely that I had nothing to write about. Happy memories are few in between which I guess in a way makes sense, makes you treasure them more. But today. Today is a good one.

So last Friday something went down that I never imagined I will ever see happen and it honestly pretty much erased all the bad shit happening this year. And believe me there was a lot of bad shit happening this year but this…this is a ray of hope that maybe, just maybe now that we're entering a new decade it won't be as fucked up as the past one was.

It was a concert. And you're going to ask me how can a concert erase a year long darkness and sorrow? Well it can. If it's the right band. If it's the right music. If there are the right feelings. They can do a lot. Music is the only thing I believe has the power to heal, break barriers, bring people together, make people happy, make people feel again, and if yours doesn't do that for you, then you just haven't heard the right type of music yet. I honestly wish everyone had the opportunity to feel that kinda love, that kinda devotion, and get to see their favourite artist preform live. It's amazing. And it's just, unexplainable happiness.

First of all I gotta say something about something. I find it personally offensive that My chemical romance played their first show in 6 years and I wasn't there. Like how? Second. Diet shampoo you're my hero and I love you. Third I have two settings right now ''I'm going to fight Frank Iero and there's nothing you can do to stop me'' and ''I will protect Frank Iero at all costs and there's nothing you can do to stop me''.

Oh my god you guys! The show. The emotions. The support from the crowd. God. What I'd do to be there, sell a kidney, you don't need two of those bitches, but I need my boys for at least a bit of happiness in my tragic life. The whole anticipation towards the show that was building up all week and mostly entire Friday was enough to send me feral or make me frantic or whatever the hell the proper terms are these days.

The boys giving fans outside blankets, that's enough to kill this bitch. It's probably one of my new fantasies to be wrapped in a hug and blanket by Gerard Way himself. Hell. Can't breathe just thinking about it. Or the fact that he also gave a dog a blanket. Seriously Gee, stop, I can't handle the cuteness. At that point my heart probably exploded into rainbows and unicorns and cherry flavoured lip balm. No joke.

The symbols on the merch trailer. The witches sigil on Gee (I know what you did there). The way he said ''we're gonna continiue to punish you''. Please stop. For real. Okay. Enough. I can't take no more. I think I need a safe word. Something in the lines of kumquat if you know what I mean.

That insanely loud chant of Mikeys name. I died all over again. I am just SO proud of him. Really. I remember years back when Gee said if there's ever to be a reunion it's most likely going to be without Mikey, but he got over his shit, over his addictions, looks better than ever, plays amazing, and the ammount of support he got was nothing short of what he deserved. And I am so happy for him.

Are we going to talk about that ''sass queen'' on stage? Because it's ''pretty stabby'' right? The way he sips tea? The way he walks? The Destroya moans?! No, you guys, no I'm really not okay. Good thing the show started with that song because I don't think any of us were really okay ever since Halloween. The fact that they knew that there will be a reunion since 2017! Oh my god you smug sons of bitches. Any interview you watch where they say ''no reunion'' ''it's not going to happen'' etc, those are the faces of people that know exactly what they are doing and I both love them and hate them for it.  Let's be clear. I am 99% sure that Frank was the only active member online for the past two years because he's the only one capable of lying through his teeth. The Jonas brothers? I'm on to you Frankie. Especially smug on that one ''the rumour of My chemical romance being back is like a broken clock'' not a record but a clock…he wasn't sick being asked about it was he? It's a clock because even a broken clock is right two times a day. You smug motherfucker you. I hate you and love you so much.

How about the fact that each show usually ended up with Helena so that the last sung verse was ''so long and good night'' but this show ended with ''this one last song, maybe it's the one you wanna hear, I don't know'' and it was The black parade which ends with ''we'll carry on''? these guys don't do coincidents this is all a clever plan of some sort and it's making me all antsy and excited. There's probably little things in life, well ''material'' things that I want as bad as a EU show so I can finally see my boys live.

OH MY GOD for the first time ever Frank did that intro on stage! The intro you guys! ''oh I'm there baby'' shit I think I was too at that very second.

The angel! The reunion angel is actually a statue in NYC called ''Angel of the waters'' created by a lesbian sculptor and therefore a huge LGBT spot. Can I die just now? Because this is just too perfect.

Ray? Your fluffy headbanging? Loved it. You're perfect.

That band is all that, sassy and roasting fans and saying shit but at the end of the day they're nice people that actually love their fans (were even surprised by the sheer impact the band had on the world and how loved they really are) and each other and the music.

I don't get it though, are we supposed to just like carry on now? I'm not ready. I wasn't ready when they broke up, I wasn't ready when the ''came back'' ten times in the past, and I sure as hell wasn't ready when Rock Sound on Halloween posted ''MCR is back this is not a drill''. How the fuck am I supposed to move on, each photo I see makes me wanna cry. Happy tears.  And just to be fair, I love this fucking fanbase so much. I mean there were so many that livestreamed the show for all of us who couldn't be there, they made us feel included and honestly that's about the kindest and nicest possible thing. You're all angels and I love you and I hope nothing but good things happen to y'all in the new decade.

And lastly. I just love how the show was just them. No stage persona or whatever else. Just the boys as they are. And just, they look great, so happy, they sound so good and if I keep this up there's gonna be another fucking flood. Shut up y'all this bitch is finally happy about something.

So, so long and goodnight.  

Not my gif, credit goes to the unknown owner, let me know if you know em so I can tag or remove.