Heavy metal rules

Another Monday? Ugh why? Didn't we just have one last week? Are we really gonna keep doing this?

It's about time I get back to ''business as usual'' right? So here I am for another album review. I don't know what it is but I've felt so un inspired to write about music these days. And I kinda really wanna write more about new releases. You know while they are still relevant. Yes Guns N' Roses, Rolling Stones and Bruce Springsteen will always be relevant but what I really mean is, writing about albums when they actually come out…

Alright, so this is about Steel Panthers newest album ''Heavy metal rules''. Here's the deal, I LOVE Panther, and I love their stupid music, and the entire design of this album is amazing. But the music? I'm not so sure of that one. I gotta admit that I liked ''Lower the bar'' a lot more than I do this one. Of course it's rather obvious that for this band you need a good sense of humour. And it's also obvious that this band is talented enough to write hits as good as (and in some cases better) any 80's hair metal band. But this album feels repetive and like it's more swearing than music.

The fact that they combined music and comedy as they did and they're keeping this act up for the better part of almost 20 years that is crazy impressive on it's own. And if you consider how successful they have become (playing biggest arenas in multiple countries) then you really can't deny them the spot in the music world they deserve. Even if our Sunday lunch consists of me turning on ''Rock Radio'' while we eat and ''Comunity property'' comes on and you just see my family members choking on soup one by one when they catch a verse or two of the song. Makes me giggle each time.

I take it you all saw the on going war between the Panthers and Nikki Sixx? I gotta say I was really annoyed with him. Nikki I mean, yeah yeah he's still my baby and I love him and all that but jesus tone down with the hypocricy would you? Stepping up to ''defend'' Vince Neil would only work if you weren't even meaner towards him in the first place. And let's not even start with this whole ''friends'' thing when we all know how the last tour looked like ''4 buses, 4 hotels and 4 planes''. Fact is, when Michael Starr replied to that question ''which dead rockstar you'd bring back if you could?'' with Vince Neil, I didn't even see it as an insult. Vince we see now and his vocal abilities are just a shadow of the Vince we once had. Sad but true. So this war right here? Makes me feel like someone (coughNikkicough) really just needs some attention.

Now back to the record. Musically I love it. Satchel is brilliant and shreds some incredibly firey solos on this album. But lyrically…I don't know, a lot of fuck this, fuck that, fuck everybody going on. I'm torn between rolling my eyes and going like ''well stop promising and have at it''. Before someone attacks me of being a ''snowflake'' or whatever the popular term is these days, I'm not offended by ''fuck'' or the gross sexism they tend to display, I know it's a joke (as inapropriate as it is) and I take it as such. What really bothers me is that after a while all the fucks get a little boring.

The album starts with ''Zebraman'' which is really a thirty second rant about how Heavy metal rules. No protest here. It really does. I agree. You know how it goes ''Death to all but metal''. And that fades into the first song ''All I wanna do is fuck (myself tonight)''. I can't even write these tittles without stupid giggles. Basically I'm 10 years old yes. Title aside, I'm quite confident in saying that this is one of the best songs on this album. It gives the allure to the movie Hangover and the video is just hysterical. But what I do love most is actually Michaels voice. You know early into Whitesnakes career (OMG would you believe I still don't have Whitesnakes new album???) when Davids voice was so silky smooth? It's kinda like that but perhaps even better.

''Lets get high tonight'' is rather self explanatory, don't I get that. Aren't we all searching for something to take the edge off? Life is too hard to stay sober all the time if you ask me. What's cool about ''Let's get high tonight'' is that it's more aggressive and heavier than most of this entire album but it could still be the best soundtrack for any party scene in any one of these dumb films they release these days.

I like ''Always gonna be a ho'', cuz it's like slow and easy then it grows into a really killer chorus, though the lyrics, ah well might as well be. I bet it's better live because it just sounds like a live anthem. It makes me literally laugh out loud thinking about it. Imagine this, in the 80's and later 90's you had your stadium anthems ''Living on a prayer'' or ''Sweet child of mine'', just thinking about hearing both live even now gives me goose bumps all over my body. And now stadium anthems are ''Comunity property'', ''Glory hole'', ''Always gonna be a ho''? so wrong. Where is all the romance gone to I wonder. And the worst part is that it works! Did y'all see Steel Panther at Wacken when Comunity property came on? OH.MY.GOD. I guess that's the only part that really kinda turns me off you know. I'm boring and romantic like that, to me a power ballad should be so sappy you need insulin not a song about hoes and skanks and bitches with lyrics you need birth control just to listen to if you know what I mean.

''Always gonna be a ho'' switches the gear to ''I'm not your bitch''. Now that's a song I can really relate to. Why? Because that is so true. I never was and never will be anyone's bitch. I've been walked on and used and abused so many times but now? Now it ends, I cut poisonous people out of my life and I will try my very best to work on a healthier lifestyle for myself. So there I aint nobody's bitch. Plus bonus Jay Ruston contributed to the sound on this album and in the rhythm part of this song I think it really shows.

I know I said all the ''fuck this fuck that'' on this record gets kinda boring, but the song ''Fuck everybody'' is actually brilliant. Maybe if there's a song like this where every other word is fuck the rest should be toned down. Anyways, I suppose this is about as much of a protest as we can get from the Panthers. But lets be honest, don't you get fucking pissed off at drivers doing stupid shit on the roads because they check their phones? Or people not picking up after their dogs and you step in it with your brand new shoes? It's enough to make one crazy believe me, or in Panthers case enough to make you say ''fuck everybody, everybody can suck my dick''. I mean, amen is all I can say to that. Though usually when I get super fed up and in a fuck everybody mode their ''crimes'' are a bit more serious.

''Heavy metal rules'' which has the same title as the album is kinda a let down really, rather repetive and boring with the whole ''heavy metal rules and everybody else can suck my dick'' okay Michael we get it you want your dick sucked. Though I believe the ''message'' if we can even extract one from it, is that they actually love heavy metal and being idiots on stage. God bless them for wanting to bring hair metal back. Nobody and I do mean nobody would be happier than me if spandex, tights, long hair and makeup on men comes back. For real!

This is the point where feminists probably stop listening and to be honest I have to admit I was a bit conflicted too but then I was like ''fuck it, all in good fun''. The songs that follow are titled ''Sneaky little bitch'' and ''Gods of pussy''. To be fair that second one, the title, I can't stop chuckling over it. God bless you if that's true. Too many women complain how their men don't know what they're doing in that department. You know what Freddie Mercury said ''I pitty your wife if you think 7 minutes is forever''. Kinda the same thing if you know what I mean. The song itself? Eh. Also rather boring. Repetive. No real text just going on and on with the ''gods of pussy''. We get it.

''Sneaky little bitch'' um…lyrics may be a bit much even for me. Not something I'd imagine myself singing along to without turning the colour of egg plant.  Respect boys I don't blush that easy. But the guitar on both songs? Amazing. Satchel is so good I sometimes wonder if it's not a shame. You know, he could EASY shred through any Metallica song (sorry Kirk, please don't kill me) and by that I don't mean replacing members I just mean…playing in a different band, where it's not all just a joke. I get that's what he wants but that doesn't stop wondering. I get a serious Eddie Van Halen vibe with him. But not just Satchel really, under the dick jokes and offensive sex references there are 4 insanely talented musicians that know very well what they are doing. Talent doesn't even begin to cover it.

The album ends with a ''power ballad'' ''I ain't buying what you're selling'' with acoustic guitar and keyboard. And also, quite possibly the least offensive lyrics they could muster up. Leaves you curious if they ever wanna change and be ''serious'' and you know what? God forbid. As rude as offensive as they are I never want them to change. I love them just as they are. The world is too serious as is aint it? Though maybe change up the vibe of whatever you release next, this one is good overall but it's not great as it could be, it kinda lacks the catchiness and greatness the past songs had. It feels kinda…tired, like songs that someone had laying around and decided to give them a second shot after they were ruled out as not good enough. 

Else the vinyl design? Oh hell! This is literally my first ''clear'' vinyl and it's like blue splattered type thingy. And I died when I took it out for the first time because it is gorgeous. Lets just not get into what it actually reminds me of. Dirty thoughts all around. Hah.

Either way, I still enjoyed this one and it made me laugh out loud a couple of times. So I'd give it a listen if you're curious about the band, if not, I'd still get it just because it's super gorgeous. Hah. And if nothing else they catch the great essence of 80's rock and metal music which as I said I would just die to have returned. Back then music meant something, today, it's all bullshit.

So give this one a spin or a listen or better yet, go check out some YT videos from the boys. They instantly cheer me up when in a bad mood. Which is every Monday morning. Or Monday. Or morning.

Now if you'll excuse me, ''suffering'' from a mad artist inspiration rush and I feel like I may just die if I don't get a blank piece of paper and a box of new sharp deliciously smelling coloured pencils.

Happy Monday (if that's even possible).

Girls in black.

Have I mentioned before how much I hate local events? It's not the events alone, those are great. It's the people. People are awful. I will never ever never for the love of me understand why you go to a concert and get so damn drunk that you don't even know your own name much less where or why you were last night. Did I say how this guy was asleep through the entire GN'R set last Monday? I mean it's crazy. There are literal rock legends in front of you, the tickets cost a small fortune and you're too drunk to care. It's just...horrible. The bands deserve better too.

This time I was losing my mind at a local ''beer and flowers'' festival. Honestly it's more about beer then it is about flowers. Gallons and gallons of beer. And you know I'm no nun. I like whiskey. I like beer. I like just about anything containing alcohol. I like to have a drink every now and then but I never get drunk. Why? Because I know that thing called ''drinking responsibly''. There is absolutely nothing attractive about being completly wasted. And I wouldn't even care but I can't stand being hit on by random men, being groped by random men too, and I can't stand jumping outta way from being walked on, spilled over, thrown up on. It's exhausting. You come to listen to a band you like, yet people take all the fun out of it.

But enough about that, let's focus on Airbourne. I wanted to see them for a long time but I never got the chance. Imagine my happiness when I get the news that they're coming to my own country. A country nothing ever comes to. Miracle. Since it was a festival there were bands before them, and I actually watched Samantha Fox and found myself enjoying it. That was a crazy unexpected thing because honestly I didn't know her music at all before except of course ''Touch me''. She was actually really badass. People weren't though so by the time when she was done and I was already showered with beer *there was beer in my god damn cowboy boots* I decided to give up and play along. If you can't beat them join them right? A little harmless flirting *why would a girl pay for her own drinks?* and a drink or two later I didn't care no more either. And by the time Airbourne came on I was totally chill.

Now Airbourne. Holy shit they are wild! I swear the bass line was so strong my teeth were vibrating. In a good way though. Nothing like hard, fast music you can really let loose to and headbang and just go crazy. You know what I mean?

So the lights go down and they come to the stage like a god damn tornado. The crowd was just as wild from the first song to the last. Probably not too sober but let's not go there again. There were ''Too much, too young, too fast'' and ''Girls in black'', fantastic songs, even better live. Then of course there were songs from the most recent album. I loved how people were singing along to all songs, sometimes they only know the old or most known songs but no, they knew everything and it was amazing.

There was a moment too, right before they went into ''It's all for rock and roll'' where Joel explained that without Lemmy they wouldn't be where they are today and he was like ''so this one's for you Lem'' and of course the crowd responded with a wild roar. We all miss Lemmy it seems. There's something about the song too ''all around the world he left his mark and his ghost still haunts the stage''. It fits. I'm sure Lem would be proud of what the guys are doing today, maybe mostly of this particular song too, you can really hear Motorheads influence in it.

It went on with songs such as ''Raise the flag'', ''Breaking out of hell'' which I thought was just mindblowing and of course ''I'm going to hell for this''. Then the encore which hah was actually my favorite song of theirs ''Live it up''. Great song. In the middle of it they stop and they play a little game ''who wants a beer from Joel?''. He was histerical, threw a shit ton of beer cups into the crowd while giggling like a child in a candy store. No, he was adorable, really. Safe to say we weren't, I'm guessing at the end of the night we all smelled like an old dirty bar. If I had beer in my boots before the show, after it even my underwear was soaked. I'm not even joking. No wonder the band loved the concert here so much, their stage was literally right under a brewery, they probably had a hose pulled straight out of it or something.

The set ends with ''Running wild'' and Joel telling us that as long as all of us are alive Rock n roll will never die. Right on.

I think that if anyone had any doubts before the concert if they are or aren't one of the best live, metal, rock, hard rock bands out there, they sure showed them. They have such energy, so much power, they're so wild! You can not not love them. Joel is such a great front man, splitting open beer cans on your head? Who does that? Hah. Justin and Harri are also amazing, shit that headbanging...and did you know they have an old siren on stage? That was histerical really.

It was a great show, despite people complaining, firstly about ticket prices *like 15EUR is too much for such a band?* and secondly about music. They must be deaf.

The festival also has a spectacular fire, water, laser, firework show. It was completly out of this world. In tune with the music and completly breath taking. I never had fireworks exploading right above my head it was something else not going to lie. Here's the deal last time I was at this festival was probably 10 years ago. I was a kid, couldn't have a beer and didn't care about any of the bands playing so obviously I didn't care much about it. Not to mention drunks really ruined the moment for me so I once said ''never again''. We see how well that worked out right, but to be honest I'm glad I was there, it really was something else. And I might even consider going again next year. Who knows.

That's it from me for this week, I'm taking a little break. Cheers, have fun and stay safe.

Life is no bed of roses.

No record sharing today. It wouldn't feel right when there is something else on my mind. Something that is making my heart so heavy. I am so devasted really. Broken hearted. Hurt. Angry. Upset. All of the above. I learned that Tom Searle the guitar player of the Architects passed away. At only 28. It hit me like a ton of bricks really. And it still doesn't feel real. I'm still hoping it's a sick joke or a mistake or something. How do you find words at times like these? I know he was an amazing person, not just as an musician but as a human being too. So sweet, so kind, so smart, so handsome, so humble, so talented. This band made me think different and made me realize so many things and now my heart is breaking for them. Life is so unfair and this world is such a horrible dark place. I can't explain the sadness I feel inside. 2016 has been such a horrible year so far and there's just one thing I wish at this point. That it ends. Ends before any more people I look up to and admire die. Tom, you were so strong and so brave and you fought so hard, we are all so proud of you. You made a difference in all our lives and fuck will we miss you. More then you could ever imagine. I hope that wherever you are tonight you can feel all the love and I hope you are resting in peace knowing you will live on through your incredible music. I'm sending all my love to Dan, Sam, Alex and Adam and all the friends and family. My thoughts are with you, I hope you can find some comfort in all this hurt. Rest in paradise Tom. God we will miss you so much...

''Find a little light and hold it close.Don’t lose sight, of what matters most…''

Born to raise hell

Have you ever listened to this song? It's a beautiful song, the lyrics...it's all I really want from life to be honest...

How are y'all doing today? Had a great weekend? I sure as hell didn't, spent half of it in pain and half of it stoned on pain meds. But let's not go there right now...you know what seems to help with the pain tho? Elvis Presley...he's got a magical voice...yeah, but I won't rant about Elvis and his voice today...today I'm pissed, at myself, at the world, at life so I'll rant about ''angrier'' music...

Motorhead, Motorhead, where do I begin? I have a long lasting romance with this band. Bastards is their 11th album and no doubt my absolute favorite. I loved Lemmy's voice for as long as I can remember and I loved him as a person, he was something special...and the band...the band is absolutely perfect. I remember watching Lemmy's funeral live stream, crying my eyes out...he wasn't just a musician you see, he was THE musician...I miss him yeah. I read somewhere once that Lemmy actually wanted to name the band ''Bastard'' and that didn't work out so well, aparently he was adviced against it since he would never make it on the charts with a name like that...hah I don't see why not but alright. I didn't grew up with Motorhead like with Guns or Bruce I learned to love them on my own. I guess that makes it that much more special. Maybe I can also say that it was Motorhead that got me into some of the heavier metal music that I love and listen to today. Even if Lemmy always claimed that the band is rock n' roll and not metal. Yeah yeah if you're a heavy metal fan you'd love to jump at my throat just about now, I get it but hey take it up to the man I'm only quoting him. Thing is this record is like the heaviest up to that point in time they put out and that's what makes it so amazing. I mean come on it starts with a fucking bang and goes out the same way. I love Motorhead but I can't remember another album that starts as strong as this one. I also love the fact that all these songs are so different, there are no songs alike and this makes it a wild ride. Though you know I said this is a really heavy record there's still ballads on them. I gotta say I was really suprised the first time I listened to ''Don't let daddy kiss me''. It was like a huge ''cultural'' shock to me. I wasn't used to something as soft from Lemmy and I was really surprised. The song is rather nice...because it's a ballad I mean...but maybe it gets in the way on this particular record not to mention the whole subject of the song is pretty...dark and brutal. I suppose what stuck me the most is that this is supposed to be a story of a little girl painting the ''world'', her world in a realistic light. Downright scary. A song about a father abusing his child and right after Bad woman? I don't know, something doesn't feel right here... And there's another thing that kinda sticks out to me did you notice the begining of ''We bring on the shake''? It sounds like it was ripped off from Van Halen. I mean I know it probably isn't...just saying what it sounds like. Oh! And I LOVED the ''Jumping Jack flash'' cover at the end. AMAZING job on that one. Unfortunally mine is a picture disc so it's not one it but it's amazing none the less. Here's the deal if there's one thing to really appreciate on this record *besides everything else I mean* then it's the solos. They are insane. End of story Motorhead can rock, all the good on this album definately outweighs the bad or that one filler. They say in their lyric ''we know how to do it and we do it well'' and they are damn right, this album is brilliant and so much fun, with attitude, straight up rock n' roll with a bit of punk and metal. What more could you ask from a band? So if you're a fan don't let this one slide by, you'll love it I promise, and if you're not...then it's just about time you become one.

Alright guys stay safe, party hard, put on some Motorhead and lets rage. I'll see you on friday.

Honey you could be mine.

I can't imagine there's anything worse on this planet then getting up early. On a monday morning. When it's winter and it's dark, cold, gray and pouring rain outside. Yeah. I really hate that. I had to get up though. School. Yet another thing I hate and so much more on a monday morning. Not to mention I was nervous, I had an exam. I don't know why I'm so insecure when it comes to my art. It's not that I need approval or people constantly telling me how awesome it is but every now and then it would be nice to get some positive comments I suppose. Well the nerve wrecking was pointless, turns out I did great. Got all 100% and I am extremly happy about it. I took me forever but I realized that nice grades are actually a great thing. Feels good to be smart. Hah. Not that I believe inteligence should be measured by grades. I mean there's book smart and life smart and everyone can learn from books it's not rocket science...but the other type of smart the smart that school doesn't give you, now that, that is more important. I feel like school is always there to bring you down anyways. I don't think it's fair having my inteligence measured by how well I do math. Alright. So I suck at math. What the fuck should I do about it? Live my whole life believeing I'm stupid because of it or focus on things I'm good at? Excatly. Don't judge a fish by it's ability to climb trees or it will spent it's entire life thinking it's stupid. You know what I mean?

Either way. I think the record I'm going to share with you today wasn't too hard to guess after I already posted Crue and Skid. Hah.

I am so so so SO in love with this album, you don't know half of it. I could just play it over and over and over again and never get tired of it. It's perfect, every song, every line, every note, all of it is perfect. Welcome to the jungle and Sweet child o' mine are two of my favorite songs as is and then throw them together with It's so easy and Paradise city and it's enough to get me completly crazy. Now this vinyl is brand new. I got it as a present last year after I nearly cried off two pounds when my original was stolen. I had the original one made in US from 1987 and I loved it, it was literally my favorite thing I owned till it got stolen and I went all dramatic saying they might as well shoot me now because I'll never be happy again. Hah. No I'm serious though, what kind of an animal steals a GNR vinyl from a music lover like me. If you're out there reading this know one day I will get you and you will pay for it. But either way I love this cover as well it's perfect, reminds me of Ax and his tattoo. While we're at it. They've added two more dates to the tour which is just faning the flames of my excitment even more. It would be a dream come true to see Guns n' Roses play someday even if without Steven and Iz, gotta be happy with what you get right? Anyways...hope you guys have a great week, that your monday is great and that The walking dead didn't rip out your heart last night like it did mine. Hah.

Love y'all.

Big Guns

I know I've already said too much today but I'm gonna share a favorite record anyways.

This week it's going to be my second favorite one...

I was lucky I found it online on eBay, from a man in Germany, in a condition that makes me wonder if anyone ever even listened to it and at a really low price. Which lately is a miracle because the prices on vinyls are insane. And let me tell you something. I am completly and totally obsessed with it. All of the songs on this record are absolutely and totally perfect. So much more on vinyl. I had a CD before but the sound quality doesn't come near a good old vinyl. This album is a classic and belongs into every single music collection. I don't even care if you're not into metal, you don't have to be to appreciate this music. Bach's voice is absolutely flawless and he really makes these songs alive. It's easy to see why Skid Row stood out in the crowd of all those bands that would come and go at the time. I love that the songs don't all sound the same and there is no ''filler'' on this record, you can expect to enjoy and love every single song. I love how they could start out a song nice & slow, almost innocent, and then in a matter of a second, turn it into magnificent bombastic heavy metal sound. Like 18 and life. I love the honest truth of Youth gone wild and Can't stand the heartache. And don't even get me started on those vocals....have you noticed how many heavy metal singers actually have these high pitched screechy voices while Sebastian's voice remains just as perfect when he does any high note or any ''heavy metal screech''. I think he doesn't get enough credit and I think he is one of the greatest rock 'n' roll singers of all time. Not to mention Snake because that solo on Here I am is absolutely amazing. The guys are amazing musicians and this record is just that, an amazing record with heart and soul and it makes my heart hurt knowing they couldn't keep it together. Not saying the new singer is bad but honestly he is no Sebastian Bach. I'm sorry but that's just what it is. Favorite song? Hm. Too hard to pick with the entire albums sounding the way it sounds but I think it's going to have to be Big guns. It was the first song I ever heard and I was completly totally blown away. Love at first sight? Or should I say love at first note or something? Either way it was love. And I am positive if you'd get it you'd love it too because it is absolutely amazing and well worth your money.