If I had a heart I could love you, if I had a voice I would sing.

So I decided to cut Friday and Monday's posts. From now on it's going to be either Friday or Monday. I just don't have the time anymore and I don't want to force writing, or write pointless stuff just so I update something. I mean writing was never a passion of mine, I enjoy it but it's more of an outlet to let all the frustrations out, my passion is music and art. And I rather spend that extra hour sketching something then slamming my head on the table trying to find words or something to complain about when in reality everything annoys me. Ever feel like that? Like everything is going on your nerves? I do, more then I'm willing to admit.

There's something that really annoys me today and I can't believe someone even has to write it down. Fandoms are a great thing, I love the love and support fans show eachother, I love bands who call their fandoms families, I love the sense of belonging somewhere it gives you. You know, you don't have to know the people around you but when you're all in that venue you're all there because you love the same music, the same people, music brings you together despite race, religion, age, skin color, nobody cares about those things and that's something I actually love most.

But lately...I don't know what's going on, there's new fans in fandoms, ''kids'', and they are just so full of hate, negativity, everything is a fight. I don't know how they can't seem to understand simple things. You can be a fan of an artist and hate their song, or an album, I actually think that makes you more of a fan since you're capable of admiting that not everything they do is a god given gift. I love Motley Crue more then...let's not go there...let's just say a lot. But you won't see me fawning over Theatre of pain. I don't like that record and I never will. And why should that make me less of a fan? Or a fake fan? Stupid. Thing is, it doesn't matter what you say, these kids treat everything like it's world war III and it is just exhausting. I am too old for teenage drama. Like seriously children, go back to your sandbox and leave grandma alone.

So how about for a change you stop spreading paparazzi pictures of your favorite bands? I'm sure they'd appreciate it. How about you stop participating in gossping about their private lives? They don't owe you anything, they're still just people, what goes on in their private lives is private, should be private, and none of anybody's business. How about you stop harrasing them with idiotic tweets and messages and comments? It's wrong, it's weird, it's creepy. How about you stop telling them how to live their lives, who to love, what to do, how to do their job? What makes you think you have any right to do it in the first place is beyond me. Don't pretend you know what's best for someone just because you think you're oh so in love with them.

It would be so nice and I know they would appreciate it too if for a change you'd treat them like human beings which after all they are beneath the fame, they have bad days too, they're just people too. It would be nice if you'd show them some basic respect and learn that they need space too. It would be nice if instead of all the drama and nonsense you'd just tell them how much you enjoy their work, how much it means to you. It would be nice if for a change you'd support them the right way, sharing their music, movies, videos, buy their records, attend their concerts and most importantly treat other fans right. There's no such thing as a ''more important fan''. We're all here for the music aren't we? Does it matter if you liked the band for years and somebody else only liked them for a month? I think it doesn't.

I am so done with these kids being so ''smart'', abusing the bands, abusing the fans, causing the bands to snap and delete their social media accounts because they can't take it no more. Seriously! They are just people like you and me, they deserve respect just like we do and they don't need to be subjected to all the name calling and other bullshit just because you asume they can take it.

Honestly I love my bands, but I don't stick my nose in their private lives, if they decide to share anything then great, if not, respect that. It's the music you listen to after all. And what's even worse that I just can't comprehend is the hate and abuse the fans show towards eachother. Why? Why can't we all play nice? We all have something in common don't we? So why can't we be friends? Why all the name calling? And the hate? The jealousy? It's insane and pointless, there's so much hate on this planet already, why produce more? And based on something that should bring happiness and love?

I think this quote tells you perfectly how it should be...

“Never underestimate a girl’s love for her favorite band. Never think even for a minute, that she won’t defend them to her death. Because it’s not just the music that makes that band her favorite. It’s the guys, the gals. It’s the fans. People whom of which she has interacted with thanks to the band. That band might of saved her life, or just made her smile everyday. That band has never broke her heart and has yet to leave her. No wonder she finds such joy in her music.”

― Alex Gaskarth

Be kinder to eachother guys, love harder, be nicer, don't drag people down just for the fun of it, help them instead, it'll give you much more pleasure. This world could be such a different nicer place if only we learned a little compassion...

Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one...right?

Stay safe out there guys and spread a little love not hate.

In these troubled times all we need is love.

Lazy mornings with you, my King, are my favorite...

Have I told you what I hate about vinyl? You have to get up every 15 - 30 minutes and turn the record around...

So it's new years eve tomorrow. Everyone keeps asking me what I plan on doing. The fuck do I plan to do? There's only two options, work or binge watching one of my tv shows or the Santa movies with Tim Allen. Those and Home alone are the only Christmas movies I can stomach. Speaking of new years parties. I am so sick of people who suddenly turn all Kanye and party like there's no tomorrow on new years. Excuse you, what is there possibly to be happy about? You know what I actually really want? Sleep for like six god damn years and then wake up with an apartment a good job, financial security and a god damn sense of purpose. I don't want to be rich, I don't want fame, I don't want things I can't get. We've fallen so far that the actual only thing I do want are things everyone should have. A job, a house, a car, enough money to cover my bills, support my cats and spend a week somewhere on a beach once a year. Is that really too much to ask? But all that aside I have promised that I will try and be more positive from now on, so there leaving negativity behind and here's the anwser to another question. ''Who will you kiss on new years''. The only thing I will be kissing is this hell of 2016 goodbye. And pray to God, Satan and everyone in between that 2017 is going to be better. The wheel of fortune always spins back right? Isn't it about time that things get better?

Last night was ''interesting'' to say the least. I am always reminded why I hate local events. Honestly why on earth are people in this town such cunts? Excuse my English. Why the hell do you come to a show if all you plan on doing is dissing the band or drinking yourself into oblivion? I mean someone is paying these events for you and you're shit face drunk, we might as well put a canvas on and play YouTube videos your drunk ass wouldn't know the difference anyways. And the fireworks. I mean I hate is as is and I literally have zero or even less then zero compassion for any idiot that gets hurt while using it, but throwing it at people in public places or worse injuring animals with it. Are you completly insane or brain damaged or without a brain in the first place? What kind of a sick twisted individual does that? What has to go wrong in someone's head to think that torturing animals or throwing pyrotechnics at people is alright? Sometimes I am completly done with people. Actually more then 80% of time I am completly done with people.

And the men...the men that come up to talk to me. Oh god, I mean I know it's probably the alcohol that makes them think they're oh so charming and smart while in reality they're idiots. This guy last night comes to talk to me while I was leaning on the bar drinking tea trying to get warm because it was freezing and he goes ''Hanging on a bar? You're a girl, why don't you act like one''. I mean I don't know is that supposed to be clever, was it something that he hoped to start a conversation with or was he just plain and simple stupid. Here's the deal man, I wasn't aware that vaginas come with a terms & conditions manual. And the other one, walks up to me without even saying hello he's like ''what's your favorite position in bed?'' uh...alright, you know which one? Near the wall so I can use my phone while it charges. Jesus christ. Am I really that weird? That incapable of connecting with people or are people around me actually complete assholes? Why do I even bother?

But all that aside, the band was actually quite amazing. Safe to say I always regretted not being able to see John Lennon *fuck you Chapman* or the Beatles live, maybe I get the chance to see McCartney someday...well last night that regret hurt a little less. The guys playing in the Help! A Beatles tribute are quite incredible. All four of them have amazing voices and respect boys for playing in those freezing temparatures. Can't be easy strumming a guitar while your fingers feel like being repeatedly stabbed. I hear these guys are actually one of the best Beatles cover bands on the planet which is huge considering there are roughly 6000 tribute or cover bands out there.. Can't say I don't agree, everything from sound, to clothes, to haircuts, instruments and down to their very movments is studied to the last tiny detail. I love the back story too, their ''Paul McCartney'' is American, he came from the States and got married here and the funny part is they wouldn't exist if someone wouldn't ask them once to play Beatles songs on a charity event. Everyone thought it's a one time thing but they had too much fun doing it so they decided to keep going. Don't you just love stories like these? How something little can bring people together and create something amazing...

I heard a lot of my favorites last night such as I Want to hold your hand, She loves you, Yesterday, Can't buy me love, Here comes the sun, Hey Jude, We can work it out, Twist and shout, All you need is love, Back in the USSR, Help!...as well as some I didn't know before... Must have something to do with the fact I only own Help! and Beatles White on vinyl. Hah. Well safe to say I will get some more now. Don't worry I'm still team Stones but I found a new appreciation for the Beatles. Took me damn long enough huh?

So despite my bitterness and ''excessive happiness'' over the new years and partying, I'm still going to wish you all the best, have fun, dance the night away, drink, kiss a random stranger, forget about all your worries for those couple of hours.

Happy New Years guys, may 2017 bring you nothing but joy and happiness, to you and your loved ones.

P.S. speaking of loved ones, this part goes out to the man that loves getting into my blog. My passwords seem to be too easy huh? You're right, I will kill you if you do it again, but that was actually really nice, and completly unnecessary, honey you don't need to tell me all these things because I already know, maybe you're not aware of it but they're pretty obvious in all the little things you do and say. Like ''drive safe'' I know that's just another way of saying I love you. Or those cute post it notes you leave on the mirror or in the car to make me smile first thing in the morning. And of course I will always be there for you just like you're always there for me. Nothing and nobody can change that. I love you, more then anything else on this planet, I hope you know that too.

Stressed, depressed but well dressed.

You don't know exhaustion till you're waking up more tired then you went to bed to. I don't think it's body tired, I think it's emotionally exhausted. I can't wait till next weekend, when the first part of these exams is over with. They are taking a huge toll on me and I honestly don't even know how much more I can take. I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm dizzy, I get no sleep whatsoever, my hair is falling out more from all the stress, my muscles are always tense and hurting, and let's not even begin with my mind. I don't know where my head is lately. I'm all over the place. I honestly can't wait till it ends. Which brings us to another thing...I have nothing against learning, I love it actually, I love reading, you know what they say knowlege is power but the pathological demand for grades is insane. You are more then a number or a letter grading your work. A grade does not define your inteligence. I mean honestly without stressing and obsessing with grades I honestly think kids would learn A LOT more. What's the point even? I study like crazy just for that one final mark and how much you think stays in my head two months later? Nothing is the anwser. What if we studied all year, relaxed, without the worry about a grade at the end of it. Just simple learning. Wouldn't that be better? Wouldn't kids learn more and better without the stress and anxiety and crying over exams that seem all too hard? What do you think? But what do I know right. I get called stupid and naiive daily. ''I may be young but honey I aint naiive''...or something along those lines. Either way, no time to rant or complain today, so much to do and so little time to do it. I won't be around on monday either. Exams...*sigh* wish me luck you guys not only I have a really hard exam on tuesday but I have another annoying dentist appointment as well. It's like playing a game ''let's see how much stress Nikki can take before she breaks down''. Yup pretty much...Before I go though, I'd like to share my last drawing with you guys, it's Johnny Depp from the movie Dark Shadows which just happens to be one of my favorite movies...it's quick and it's sloopy but I like it anyways...

Aight, enjoy your week-end I sure as hell won't and I'll see y'all on friday, hopefully I'll have much more to say then then I do today. Cheers!

Who you gonna call?

Did I mention the insane ammount of studying I still have to do? What kind of an idiot decides to go take exams in the summer? I should really take them in January. Who has the patience and motivation to study in this heat? I sure as hell don't. And for subjects this boring. I'm sorry but no wonder kids hate to read, the literature I'm studying...not only is it boring but I would rather bang my head into a wall till I drop dead then read this. They all die, they're all miserable, they're all suffering, they are all in pain. Excuse me what about my god damn pain? This is so stupid. And what do I get out of all of this? Nothing at all. I will probably forget what it's all about within a month becasue this will surely turn into a traumatic memory I will try real hard to block out and yet I'll still be ''stupid'' because I won't know shit about geography or life or how to write a god damn resume. Here's a wild idea. Why not teach kids mutual respect? Why not teach them how to be better, stronger, smarter, more tolerant instead of filling their heads with this nonsense that honestly doesn't improve your inteligence or skill at all. Why not teach useful life hacks like cooking or fixing things around your house, or for fuck sake a couple more languages? What do I know right? After all I'm ''just another brick in the wall''. Another sheep this country breed, too stupid to fight, too broken down to stand up for myself. Here's the problem I'm not like that. I am angry and bitter and miserable because, how should I put it? I see on the other side of the fence and I know life can be better but I feel like I stand alone. People learned to be so comfortable in their own misery they just lost all the ambition to fight and make their lives better. It's fucking frustrating! Good thing we have Pokemon Go to entertain the small minds of the population. I don't even know why I bother anymore...when there's millions of letters and emails from the people requesting a tv network to be ''examined'' by a doctor in a tv series and they are actually dumb enough not to realize he's an ACTOR NOT A DOCTOR...then I suppose all hope is lost.

In other news...what else did I do besides trying and failing at studying? I went to see the new Ghostbusters movie. Yep. Here's another geek factor you didn't know about me. I actually love the original two movies. I've read a million and one complaints online by what I asume were sexists saying that just like everything else feminism will ruin this movie as well, since the cast is all female. Well here's a big fuck you to all y'all because the movie was way better then the original two, funnier, better story, the cast is better and I won't even start with Chris Hemsworth he's so adorable and stupid in this movie you gotta love him.

If you like a funny stupid comedy I suggest you go see it. It really is a lot of fun. Now...Suicide squad next week. I'm so excited! I waited what feels like forever to see this movie. And honestly tuesday can't come soon enough. Geek what ya gonna do. Heh.

Now do you have any advice for me how to locate my motivation that has aparently been lost? No? *sigh* this is pointless really. Alright, wish me luck you guys. I'll need all the luck on this planet to get through this. And in the mean time go check out Of mice and men's new song it's called ''Real'' and it is absolutely sick. I could NOT love it anymore then I do. Amazing song. They put out album preorders as well, do be certain I'm getting one of those as well. Ha ha. Also they're on tour so if you're lucky enough to go see them I envy you. I most likely won't be as lucky this time around. Oh well. There's always next time right?

Take care guys, stay safe, stay cool, see you on monday with a little Bruce Springsteen.