I need perfection, some twisted selection, that tangles me, to keep me alive.

How are we feeling guys? I don't know what day it is. I don't know what week it is. I don't know what planet I'm on…I am legit going crazy. I do live in ''quarantine'' and ''self isolation'' everyday. I don't like people, I tend to avoid them, I don't do ''hanging out'' or parties. But this? This is hell. Not only that the house is ALWAYS full because everyone is at home ALL THE TIME and I'm just like every regular house cat, wondering what the fuck are humans doing in my house every day, but also, people are going completely insane and I am not sure how much more of this madness I can take. The hysteria which I mostly blame media sensatiolation for? Oh my god. Literaly people are acting like rabid animals. I think I'm giving up on walks too because the glares, the sheer rudness. Hell. I was never a people person but after this I'm certain I will completely despise them. 

So in that respect, I decided to lie on my couch today, watching whatever brainless TV show I could find. TV is also hopless these days. It's no longer the news, the music videos, the funny shows, it's just ''good day corona''. Even fucking commercials are based around corona. It's really unbearable. Can you picture me rolling my eyes all the way back into my skull right now? Ugh. So while flipping through channels and watching an episode of Dr. Jeff (a saint that man) I come across the movie Mystify on HBO (thank you HBO I legit cried through the entire thing). I've been  on a hunt to get a DVD (still am despite seeing it) since it came out last year. It's no secret I love INXS, Michael as a person as well. He was something special, different, smart, kinda shy which is an interesting trait for a rockstar, and attractive. Boy, was he good looking. 

Here's the deal despite huge huge success INXS was a very underrated band. They would of deserved much more attention than they got. After KICK things just sorta spiraled. And Michael deserved better. How come the nicest people, the kindest, the purest souls hurt the most? Maybe that's just it, you're too good and too kind so the world just has to crush you. I was actually literally distraught over some of the rumours surrounding his death. Saying it's a crazy sexual game gone wrong, which aparently is proven by the fact that he left no suicide note. I'm sorry but that is literally no proof for me, many people leave no note. Way to downplay what a horrible, leathal disease depression actually is. 

I knew Hutch had his own demons he battled. I know his relationship with his brother and later with Paula and the kids was eating at him, but what I didn't know is that he suffered permanent brain damage after an ''incident''. A man punched him and he hit his head pretty hard on the concrete sidewalk. It seems like this was something he didn't want the public, or even his family to know. I can't help but wonder if it's right that the world knows now…maybe it was his secret to live and die with. But I guess, a brain injury this severe explains depression, explains agression and even the change in behaviour anyone who paid any attention to interviews and live shows can see.  I guess I can't help the heart ache this makes me feel. I can't help wishing someone would and could help him. 

Hutch was a bright light in this fucked up world and to think someone who brings so much happiness to so many people is dealing with his own struggle so severe. God if that doesn't rip out your heart…

Everyone described him as having this charisma and aura, this appeal about him, pure and kind. That he could make you feel like you were the only person on the planet, and could listen, really listen and make you feel heard and understood. 

He was a genius. Period. The lyrics he wrote…I have yet to hear a more heartrending song than ''Never tear us apart''. God it's beautiful. And that music video. It's just him, walking the streets of Prague, but it's just something about it…I don't know. It's perfect. 

Mystify is a good movie because the story is told from people close to him, some by Hutch himself. There's a good deal of home movies, preformance clips, interviews, things I never saw before, so for  a fan it's a must see I'd say. For a non fan or just someone who enjoys the music without extra ''fan baggage'' I'd say it's still an interesting story about how a star that soars that high can fall that low. A thousand times seen story to be honest but heartbreaking never the less.

The moment which made me despise Oasis is featured in this movie. I guess I might explain it now why I tend to turn off the radio when they play Oasis. In 1996 there was an award show. Brit Awards. And by the time I suppose INXS were nowhere near the popularity they had when KICK came out. Shame. They deserved better as I said before, but this is not the point. Out of many presenters Michael was one. He presented the ''best video'' winner, which happened to be Oasis. And out of ALL,  EVERY FUCKING WORD IN ENGLISH FUCKING LANGUAGE, all the people he could thank, all the gratitude to even stand on that stage he could have expressed, major dick Noel Gallagher said ''has beens shouldn't present fucking awards to gonnabes''.  Oh my god you pretentious bastard. A janitor could have given you an award he's no less of a person than you are. Problem is, Michael tried to downplay it, say he doesn't care but it was obvious those words crushed him and really, nobody deserves being treated this way. Not a single soul. My point here is, you never know what demons someone is battling, just because they're smiling it doesn't mean they're happy. And you can never know what kinda damage your filthy mouth can bring, so if you got nothing nice to say, seriously shut the fuck up, this goes double for people in the limelight who have all the power to make a good difference or to crush someone completely. 

Of course after this incidend and the album ''Elegantly wasted'' pretty much failing it was no wonder Michaels depression only got worse. A gentle soul can only take so much hell before they break. 

This documetary took ten years to make and it's obvious why. It's full of love, it's clear it was made with love, by people who loved him. It's bittersweet now, watching the clips of those home videos, from happy times. I suppose all of us can relate, going back to times when we were carefree, happy, life was good and then somewhere along the way we just lost our way. We lost hope. We lost meaning sort of.  In a way we can all relate to the misunderstood music icon, who actually has this persona or a rock god, an icon but underneath it all it was a loving gentle soul that had nothing snooby or celeb like on him. 

Above it all, Hutch had the most amazing voice. I don't think he even realised how talented he was, he felt sort of threathened if you will by giants like U2, but the thing is, Bono may be Bono (respect, another amazing human being) but to me it's actually him who will never reach up to Hutchs talent or charisma. Don't even try to argue with me, this is my personal opinion, I will always pick INXS over U2. And after all it was Bono who was greatly impressed by Hutch, said he was the definition of Rock n Roll. I don't think there's any higher compliment, specially if it comes from someone like Bono. 

Another thing I love about him or the band really, is their passionate protesting against nuclear missile testing. If you pay attention to the ''Mediate'' video you can see a cue card with numbers ''9.8.1945''. They are not random, they refer to august 9th 1945 when an atomic bomb was dropped on Nagasaki.

I was drawn to Hutch for the first time when reading one of my dads old issues of Playboy. Don't even ask, fact is Playboy has really good articles and very tasteful nudes. He had a cheeky interview in it in 1993. And all the questions about what he likes in bed aside there was one question ''what do you find appalling?'' and his reply was;

''The American attitude towards women. The whole way they talk about sex. You know: ''lets get some pussy''. Jesus! Pussy is a great word, whenever you mean your cat, but for a woman…no! Not to speak about a woman's genitals! They can be so stupid. Americans are not real. They fake as it they're emancipated. An American man can sit and listen to a woman as if she's Einstein…but as soon as she turns around he whispers: ''Look at her arse!''. The philosophy of American men is: ''We are prepared to do anything to get a woman into our bed, even pretending to treat her as an equal''.

Hating americans and being a feminist in one reply. Obviously I get heart palpitations. He was one of a kind. They don't make them like him no more. I guess besides loving his persona and music, the topic of what happened to him really hits home for several reasons. Maybe I can't help thinking that each such death could be prevented if people just learned to be nicer, kinder, more compassionate, more humane above all. 

The documentary Mystify ends with Hutch and Andrew Farris sitting behind a piano, playing around with notes that would later become the song Mystify. It's a sort of bittersweet moment, or more a painfull reminder of just what the two were capable of doing together. We all know the band wanted to move forward with new singers but they never came close not to the persona and not to the voice. Something was missing and we all felt it. The ending is fitting, it illustrates the perfect image, what it's after all all about, music. It begins and ends with music. 

Original sin

I never hated Mondays as I do lately. The near thought of having to go out and face the world with a big fake smile, pretending that I am not fucking dying on the inside is so hard. Not just hard, it seems impossible these days. To say I had a rough year is an understatement of the year. There are hardly words to describe how badly I want it to end, but then again, what's the point 2019 will not be any better. If anything, worse. And you know what's the worst part? Expectations. People just expect me to be okay, to be normal, to move on, do something with my life, and I just want to scream. Life goes on yes, but it seems like my world has stopped and is falling apart around me and I can't take a second longer of it. I feel like that Of mice and men song ''pain pain pain''. Constantly, all the time. Every second. Everything hurts. Emotionally I mean.

People say ''you're a fighter'' and, ''you got this''. Really, I don't and I am not. I am falling apart at the seams, guess the question here is what happens when a fighter can no longer fight? You lay down your guns and surrender? And if you can't even do that? What else is there left to do?

But enough about that, this post isn't supposed to get depressing like so many of them do. This post is supposed to be about another man I have a huge horrible terrible crush on. And this one is dead. A well. Well good job Nikki no? If they aren't 50+ they're dead. A sure way to die alone with 50 cats. Let me start the post with a quote by said man that I always admired SO much…

''Q: What do you find appalling ?

A: “The American attitude towards women. The whole way they talk about sex. You know: “Lets get some pussy”. Jesus! Pussy is a great word, whenever you mean your cat, but for a woman… no! Not to speak about a woman’s genitals! They can be so stupid. Americans are not real. They fake as if they’re emancipated. An American man can sit and listen to a woman as if she is Einstein… but as soon as she turns around he whispers: “Look at her arse!” The philosophy of American men is: ‘We are prepared to do anything to get a women into our bed, even pretending to treat her as an equal.”

- Michael Hutchence (Playboy, 1993)''

You will probably know Michael Hutchence as the lead singer of the band INXS which btw I absolutely adore. Never tear us apart is one of my  top fave songs, literally I would get it tattooed on me that's how much I love it. Even if it makes me sad also, specially if I remember it was played at his funeral.

Here's another tragic story of an amazing band and musician. Michael was an amazing singer and he also died way too young. 37 only. How is life eve fair? There's a lot of conspiracy about his death too, suicide or no, it's sad and unfair, no matter what happened. And though INXS went on for a while after that just wasn't it anymore.

I'm always listening to the Kick so this one doesn't get it's turn at all but it's a great record as well. Unfortunally the one with ''Beautiful girl'' is missing. I don't have that album. Sigh. You know someone once dedicated that song to me on stage? Saying ''aparently this song is about a Nicky and I'd like to dedicate it to my Nikki''. Huge crowd, summer night, epic moment, not going to lie.

The swing is their fourth studio album released in 1984. I read once that The Swing is one of the five albums by INXS that you have to own. Yes kids, it's not all about greatest hits, dinosaurs like me actually like to own albums not just hits. Point here is that yes, this is an album you really should own if you like the band, it sounds like a record by a band that's ready for world domination. And the feeling when you listen to it is just the same.

It's always all about the multi million selling Kick and I get it that one is just…woah…you know. But really if you happen to forget just how good this band really is then The Swing will remind you. I feel like this album is where they really defined their sound. Like all the influences and everything that made the band run flowed into that one perfect sound. Really there is not one filler on this album, every single song is great. 

See thing is I love Michaels approach to song writing, sure he knew how to be a drizzle of darkness which I guess really explains why I love the man. Ha ha. He'd write lyrics such as ''watch the world argue with itself'' which it really does let's be honest, but thing is the very next line is optimistic ''who's gonna teach me peace and happiness?'' I would gladly, given the chance. Just saying.

INXS were super talented musicians but Michael was the star just like Queen had Freddie, INXS had Michael, he had a stage presence not many people have. I get all weak in the knees watching him parade up and down the stage looking like Jim Morrison and Mick Jagger had a baby. The man is sex on legs so help me jesus. I am really starting to think there's something in Australian water. All their men are hot. Hello Chris Hemsworth? Keith Urban? I mean come on!

I think the band had potential just like Guns N' Roses to be one of the biggest bands on the planet if things didn't play out like they did. They were mega stars for a limited time because honestly try as you may but without Michael the band was just…I don't know like Earth without art is just eh. You know what I mean?

I won't disect and talk on end about this album, it's a great album as is. They created a new type of Rock n roll with it. In a way it's a party album. The entire record is up beat and fun. Music you can dance to. Fun and catchy and the funny party is that this was from a time they weren't world wide mega stars and this is one of their best works anyways.

For me, all you have to do is put this album on, let the first song ''Original sin'' play and be like ''yeah that's it. Right there. I'm sold.'' They are that good.

So in that spirit, go play some good music and I do hope you have a bearable week.

Need you tonight

This is an album I adored for the longest time, but only recently got my own copy. Last time I wanted to buy it I completed an order online, waited for confirmation and then the seller emails me that he literally sold it minutes before in his store. I mean what kind of karma is that?

But thanks to a really good friend I can now enjoy it as loud as possible on my very own player. And trust me I played it like 6 times already since I got it, and I played it loud. Never tear us apart? Still makes the hair on my arms stand up each time I hear it. And did you know it was supposed to be a piano song at first? Thank god it isn't is all I'm saying.

This is the 6th studio album they released and the album that moved them from their previously more new wave sound to a more funk and soul and punk and sorta dance oriented sound. And it gave them four of their bigger hits that reached top ten in the USA, with ''Need you tonight'' being their first and only number one.

What I find funny is that their record company hated the album. Reminds me of Warrant and their Cherry pie, Jani hating that song so much yet it's the song even people that have no idea who Warrant are will know. Aparently Atlantic Records president offered them a million dollars to record another album because this one is shit.Well thank all the gods they didn't take that offer. Hope he bit his tongue after seeing album sales.

Though the band went through a serious downfall in the 90's I think the final nail in the coffin was Michael's death in 97'. There would be no way in getting their sound or vibe back, not without the soul that Michael brought to the band. He had this charisma about him, perfect voice, perfect vibe. He was something else and he died way too young and so tragically too. Another sad story isn't it? A musician that has so much to give, a good person,…sad.

Album starts with Guns in the sky which is a track describing the state of the world and it's obsession with arms, a byproduct of the cold war era as well as about the fears of nuclear war.. In the final verse, he sings; “Well I’m sick of it / It’s a load of shit / We could stop the world / And let off all the fools / And let them go live with their guns in the sky …”.

INXS then shifts gears and slips into the funky, New Sensation, another track blasted probably on the dance floors in most corners of the world in the late 1980s. I remember making out on a dance floor to this song once. Faintly. There was a bit too much vodka prior to that. But I do remember the song very clearly. Hah.

Then you got the first single off Kick which is ''Need you tonight'' a song that probably needs no real introduction, legendary. That little sexy whisper ''come over here''. I read in the INXS's official autobiography that Andrew Farriss said that the famous riff to the song appeared suddenly in his head while he was waiting for a cab to take him to the airport, he was going to Hong Kong. Aparently he asked the cab driver to wait a few minutes while he grabs something from the hotel. He ended up recording the riff and coming back an hour later with the tape. I bet that driver was hella pissed though. From there he flew to Hong Kong and worked out the rest of the song with Hutchence in about an hour. I mean jesus, talent much?

The song though is a much more electronic than most of the band's material before or after, combining sequencers with regular drum tracks and a number of tracks of layered guitars.

On the Kick album, the song is linked to the next song, which is titled either "Mediate" or "Meditate", depending on the pressing of the album. On some compilations, the two tunes appear together and on others, only "Need You Tonight" appears. The music slowly dies down and Hutchence simply says "you're one of my...kind" before seguing into Mediate / Meditate a song that recalls the more experimental side of INXS. Can I just say that I would LOVE to be ''his kind''?

I can't even remember first time I heard them, must of been early in life, I remember knowing about them since forever. Literally. Never tear us apart was one of my favorite songs since forever. I remember it playing on my daddy's radio and mom's car. Always brings up nice memories.

Kick in general was the band's best selling album, with reported sales at around 20 million worldwide. Aparently and so the band's official autobiography says, the album sold nearly 10 million copies worldwide only two years after its release. I think that's a rather amazing number, I mean sure there's bands that top that number by far but still. Great number for an album that's by some unpopular oppinion shit and shouldn't be released.

The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) certified Kick as six times Platinum. And in Canada, Kick is the second album by an Australian band - musician to receive a diamond accreditation, the first being AC/DC's Back in Black.

The album has been praised by critics of the world as a work of "rhythm rock" perfection, and has made its way onto many "best of" lists; in their 1988 issue of "Best Albums of the Year", Rolling Stone readers placed Kick at number 3. Two years later, the magazine ranked the album at number 11 in their 1990 Australian issue of "100 Greatest Albums of the 80s''. Well deserved if you ask me, it gives me shivers how people these days don't even know them.

"Need You Tonight" was also at number 16 on the list of "Top 100 songs of the 80's. LA Weekly also listed the song at number 5 on their list of "20 Sexiest Songs of All Time''. How must it feel to have a ''sexy song'' never mind one of the sexiest songs of all time? Must be am odd feeling. Also what makes a song sexy? The number of people that did IT to it? Number of people that wanna make out like crazy to it? A singers low and raspy voice? Or a guitar riff to die for?

Now the reissue. It's on a three-CD + one Blu-ray set thingy that aparently includes previously unreleased demos, remixes and rarities. And would you believe I don't have it yet? Hell must have frozen over. Ha. There was also a vinyl version of Kick remastered and cut at half speed over two 180 gram LPs that will spin at 45 RPM. I heard different things about that one though, some saying it's amazing. Some saying it's awful. But a friend of mine told me that the sound quality makes you feel like you're in the studio with them. Boy, what I'd give for that…studio with an amazing band. Can you imagine what it had to be like to be in the recording sessions with GN'R while they did Appetite? My god.

While we're on this INXS topic, I wanted to share a drawing of Michael I did some time back. I had too much fun drawing him, always love drawing long hair. Maybe that's why I keep drawing rockstars, they all have long hair. Hah. Anyways this took me about 19 or so hours and I used classic Faber Castell color pencils pack of 24 plus graphite pencils 2B to 8B, I noticed that those preform so much better then a black colored pencil. It's never really black while the pencil is. Funny huh?

Alright that's about it. Wish me luck guys, I'll be seeing the Infinity war sometime this week. Now that whole ''Thanos demands your silence'' didn't work so I already know it's going to rip out my heart and that I will never recover. Seriously Marvel get your shit together this isn't funny anymore. Take care y'all, and I'll see you when I get back, assuming I live to see another day after IW.