She's got a little wild fire burning in her angel eyes, probably ain't never been lost after midnight.

I apologize for being missing in action this past monday. Life got in the way. I was just too busy. Not so much with working then with some me time. I did a new drawing, did some reading, listened to some new music. It was great to be honest. Sometimes I just really need a break, but don't we all? The country girl in me usually wins, I'm so frustrated in the city, I hate the damn mall, I hate the concrete, I hate the people really. Aint nothing better then sitting outside on the sun, in a meadow or on top of a hill, sketching, not a living soul around you. Yes yes my ''people patience'' is getting worse. I know. I don't know what's that about...are there really just idiots around me or...? *sigh* confusing really. My mother told me that living on Alaska where there's more dogs then people would be perfect for me. Am I really the only one seeing heaven here? More dogs then people? Hello? Paradise! Hah. Aight. I'm missing a concert today. Not happy about that. Local guys, amazing bands really, good friends too. But on the other hand movie night sounds just as good. Fuck. I'm getting old aren't I? Speaking of...I'm turning 24 soon. In about a week. And I am dreading it. Not because it would be a high age. Ah no not at all. I'm dreading it because fuck I'm 24 now. It was always ''what are you going to do when you grow up?'' well guess what? I'm all grown up and I still have no fucking idea. I'm terrified. What the hell do I want to do? Everything and nothing? I don't know...I love so many things, I have so many interests, I want to travel everywhere, I want to see all the bands, I want so many things and some seem so impossible from where I stand and it's scary. Time to get serious, time to make a move, do something, be serious about life. It's scary. If I had it my way I'd have a house in Georgia, a couple horses, probably a farm and life would be good. Yeah. I'd like that. But life isn't a fairytale and as easy is it? I'm not afraid of working hard don't think I am. Specially not if it's working for myself, doing something that matters, knowing I'm working for myself not 20 other people who sit on their asses scratching their balls all day. The only problem is that I'm afraid I suppose, starting something from nothing is scary. Like moving half a world away is. But if you never do it you never know right? You need to take risks, you need to ''work hard and play hard'' right? I suppose so. So here's what I really want for my birthday I guess...some clarity. Finally knowing what I want, finally feeling like I belong, not so damn lost, like a fucking alien. Sounds like a fucking party I know. But lately I am just so miserable in this place, with these people, with this life...it's a mess. Not all those who wander are lost yes, but I think I am. Quite lost. Damn it. Something has to change and that hit me today. I have dimples when I smile right...and someone who sees me everyday asked me today if I still have them. It's just a silly question but to me it was a slap in the face or a bucket of cold fucking water. People haven't seen me smile in so long they don't remember how it looks like...speaks volumes doesn't it? Ah well, something's gotta give right? The wheel always spins back and if things are bad now doesn't mean they'll always be that way...

Enough moping, let's move on to better things. I got the new Florida Georgia Line album of Itunes and fell in love with it. Yep. That good. I really like it. It's called Dig your roots, if y'all like country music, check it out, if not, well maybe if you're curious take a look, might like it. I especially like the song ''Good girl, bad boy'', ''Smooth'', ''Dig your roots'' and ''God, your mama and me'' which is actually with Backstreet boys, so bad for my rock and roll rep but shit I love it...

Here's a little something to end this post with. Spent way over 20 hours working on this drawing, almost tearing my hair out because drawing in color is hell but somehow I made it through. It was hard but I'm pleased with the end result. It's Eleanor Tomlinson and Aidan Turner as Demelza and Ross Poldark in the tv show Poldark which I may or may not love a little too much. And the other is just a quick snap of the night sky I took tonight, wishing airplanes were shooting stars...

Alright let me put on some Warrant, Motley, Guns and Skid to get outta the mood I'm in. Funny how all these bands I love most are either ''over'' or incomplete...

Enjoy your weekend guys, do something fun or stay in watching Netflix both is cool. Stay safe.