Telling someone they shouldn't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better.

I know this might sound insane. But. Have you ever wondered why life is the way it is? Have you ever thought that every time you're happy something goes wrong? Like a light switch out there somewhere going ''oh Nikki's happy let's better fuck that up for her''. Sometimes I just can't even comprehend how everything and I do mean EVERYTHING always has to go wrong for me. Even if it's just a small thing or something unimportant it will go wrong. Because it can. Just so it can throw me off balance. And I hate it. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but I do and it does. Thing is. I sometimes wonder what's the point of planning things, or looking forward to those things if NOTHING goes the way it should. The Murphy's law is fucking with me on a daily basis. I could be walking pass a store eyeing a pair of shoes for an entire year then decide to buy them someday and just like that over night they'd be sold out. That happened before. Not just with shoes though. I swear like some people seem to be whacked with the lucky stick I'm whacked with the unlucky one. And my parents would say I'm still young things can change. Or to cheer up because the wheel always spins back and you can't always have bad luck. And I get it you know. I SO get it. Things could be a million times worse, despite everything I am still lucky. But all that, all the struggles other people go through don't make mine any easier. Doesn't really change the fact that sometimes I am so done. Sometimes I just can't do it no more. Sometimes I want to scream if it would do any good in letting off some steam and frustration.

I figured though I can't be the only one bothered by these things so I decided to share some thoughts as to what helps me with these issues. I read this book ''The Secret'' by Rhonda Byrne. And it's not about how you'll get everything you want just by thinking about it. Obviously your bank account will not miraculously multiply with a few zero's and a Ferrari won't appear on your doorstep over night...what this book is really about is that your ideas, feelings, thoughts are reflected through your behaviour and actions. It all starts with positive thinking. Every journey starts there, be positive, motivated, optimistic. When you have those, you get off your ass and fight for it, things don't just fall out of the sky and whining sure as hell doesn't help either. Just like the whole mindset. If you always think about how everything does and will go wrong it surely will. You can't go about doing something if you are certain that you're just going to fail in the end. I bet that lowers your chances at succeeding in the first place. You shouldn't be focusing on the bad. You should focus on the good. It might be little things but little miracles are still all around you. I think people are out to get you, make negative comments about you or your life because you let them. If that's all you talk about, if that's the vibe you give them, the impression that you pity yourself, if you don't give yourself a good enough place or think that you are good enough of worthy of good things...then why would others do it?

You know what you got to do? Find something that inspires you, art, music, poetry, a song, a painting, and focus on that. A saying maybe. Might be as silly as ''get shit done'' stick it on your wall and remind yourself daily that there is always something to be thankful for. There's always your life. No matter how bad things get you should always be thankful for being alive and being healthy because someone out there right now is fighting for their life. I always thought about happiness in a different way. If someone's happy that doesn't mean his life is stress free, that they don't have any problems. I think that just means that they know how to handle it, how to deal with everything. People spend too much time dwelling over things they don't have, things they lost, things they want or think they need instead of focusing on what they have. Happiness can be found in such small things. For me happiness is a summer night, with a drink in my hand, not a care in the world, maybe some live music or a car parked on top of the hill watching the stars. Or a brand new box of my favorite pencils. Or a record I've spent a long damn time looking for. Happiness doesn't need grand gestures. It can be little things.

Here's the thing, sometimes things end in life. Like friendships or relationships because it's time to move on. And maybe you wouldn't even know it is unless you were forced into it. It doesn't mean change is bad. Everything changes. People change, relationships change, life changes. Those you trust not to hurt you can hurt you most because they're the only people you'd never expect it from but remember pain always has a purpose, either to make you feel alive or to make you grow into a newer better version of yourself. We're not supposed to dwell on those who hurt us, we're supposed to move on and learn. Every painful process is a learning experience. Struggle doesn't mean fail. Remember that. No guts no glory they say and it's true. If you want to success you have to be willing to work hard and struggle to get there. It's never smooth sailing. It's your positive view on the matter that can get you somewhere, great things take time, even Rome wasn't built overnight. Thing is at the end of the day everything is temporary, summer, winter, raining, school, work, life and so is pain. Yes you get hurt, sometimes you're the one that hurts people but every wound heals in time and so do people. After dark there's always light. After each night there's always a new sunrise. No nights last forever neither does the rain. If life is bad right now it doesn't mean it won't get better. And if it's good, don't take it for granted because it can always go south. Complaining, worrying, stressing out isn't helping. That is a lecture I should tattoo on myself. I know it. I try to live by it. It's not always working. I know whining about something isn't going to make a difference. Only me getting off my ass and doing it myself will. I still rather try, fail and get up again then sit in a corner shrugging thinking ''what the fuck can I do about it?''. Well if I never tried I would of never knew. Yeah things get fucking hard and frustrating but at least I tried. I won't be fifty thinking about what would happen if only I was brave enough to try. Believing in yourself is the most important thing you can do. Because if you don't who will. If you doubt yourself why should others treat you differently? Here's a daily excersize, instead of complaining about the problems you have, try being grateful for the problems you don't have. This kinda reminds me of scars. I have a pretty gnarly one on my back and I didn't even want to wear bikinis because of it, I always thought it was ugly and people will stare at it. Till I realized something or better yet something came through into my thick skull. A scar just means I survived something, I dealt with something, survived the pain, learned a new lesson, became stronger, and moved the fuck on. A scar is like a tattoo, permanent reminder of something. Might be a life changing event, might be a stupid desition but it's something you should be proud of they aren't weakness they are your strenght. Just as you should never allow people bringing you down. Other people's negativity isn't your problem. If people treat you bad, dump them. You deserve so much better. When friends treat you like shit, use you, ignore you, dump them. It's not you. It's them. You deserve better. When people are nasty towards you smile, be you, kill them with kindness don't let their bitterness drag you down or get the best of you. Don't you dare changing to fit someone else, to please someone else, or to impress someone else. If they don't like you for you, if they don't think you're good enough...walk away. You don't need that in your life. You don't need relationships that want to change you or defy you. You are one of a kind and special just the way you are don't try to mold yourself to fit someone elses idea of ''perfect''. Right people for you will come along. People that will love you for you, for who you are not for who you aren't. Don't be scared of being who you are, standing behind what you believe in, fighting for what you think is right. You might stand alone but still there is strength in fighting. You're brave because you resist, and to be honest you only live once do you want to live in shadows always surrendering to other people's wishes? I know I don't. That's not who I am. I do what makes me happy, I surround myself with things and people I love, and I couldn't care less what other people think about it. The door is always open nobody is forcing them to stay in my life. I learned a while back that the best thing I can do for myself is to keep going, try again after I fail, to love again, to get back up again and to never let go of my dreams. I learned that because people treated me badly doesn't mean I'm a bad person it just means I chose the wrong people to surround myself with. We learn from mistakes, that's why mistakes are healthy but we shouldn't let those mistakes define us or dictate our entire lives. It's a bad day, hell a bad week or month but it's not a bad life. If you feel like you're stuck in one place, a rut, a crossroad, you aren't, you hold the key, you hold the power, if you want to change you can. All you got to do is get off your ass and make a change for yourself. Sometimes when things go really bad I just think about something an artist once told me ''it's gotta be ugly before it can be beautiful'' and that's just how it is maybe sometimes things have to go horribly wrong and bring you somewhere you'd never expected to be so it can be better, great or even amazing at the end. So life is hard, rough, tough but you are fucking tougher, just look into the past, how far you've come. You are strong as nails and I'm proud of you. If you're fighting your demons or if you're not, it takes courage to do both and the fact that you're still here, still fighting them should mean something. Don't take it lightly. Guys stop driving yourselves crazy over things you can't change. Don't stress so much, take a deep breath instead. Find the courage to be who you really are, to speak out, to be you. Smile more. Love more, hate less. Work hard and when everything falls apart don't wallow in the ruins, get up and try again. Always keep going. And when things go wrong, smile and say ''it'll be better next time'' and it will be. If you stay positive the world seems better and brighter.

Here's my weekly wisdom or better yet here's me pretending to know shit. I won't be around on monday so I smacked you with a long ass post today. I better get off my ass as well, gotta pack some stuff for Italy. I'm so excited! Thinking about a packed suitcase probably won't make it packed unless I do it. Hah. Y'all take care now. Stay safe, I'll see you next week. Cheers!