Tell me what to do now, I'm so in love, I'm so in love with, you.

Why is it, that everytime I come up here, for a few smart ass statements, it's either ''it's been a hard day'' or a ''hard week'' or a ''hard month''. It's been a fucking hard life you guys. This past week especially, unfriendly, hard to stomach, long and wet. And not wet in a good way. Not wet in a Samantha from Sex and the city type wet. Not pretending to be a boring ass librarian stacking books, and Tom Cruise walks in, saying he came to check out a book but found me instead, then sweeps off all the books from the desk in one swift movment and dot dot dot...yeah not that kinda wet. This is a thought a friend of mine planted in my head btw, y'all can blame him for being explicit. No, this kinda wet, is cold, gray, rainy and floods upon floods type wet. The weather which aside from snow and winter I hate most. The type of weather that traps you inside with your family which is probably a worse type of punishment than jail time would be. Not me typing this on the bathroom floor, because it's probably the only place left, where I get at least a tiny bit of peace and quiet. Que in why I love going to church. Not mass, just sitting down, during opening hours, enjoying the quiet and watching the sun making colors dance on the floors, through colored windows. 

But this is not about my annoying ass family, or the weather that's slowly sucking out the last few remaining atoms of my will to live. Or how kids these days say I'm too retro because I actually know what VHS is. Sigh. This is about the Crue. I mean you knew this was coming right? You know, when they first embarked on this stadium show in USA, I was so jealous. Motley, Leppard, Poison AND Joan Jett? I'd sell my soul for that line up. As if I didn't know that there's no way in hell this spectacle comes to Europe, then Covid happened. So y'all can imagine how shocked I was to hear that it actually IS coming to EU? Yeah shell shocked. I mean no Poison which is to be understood and no Joan Jett. But still, two rock icons, two of my absolute faves? Fuck yes. 

I bought tickets for this months back. Months. It was supposed to be my first time in Budapest. I mean first concert in Budapest. I've been there before, such a magical, beautiful city and I was absolutely excited to be back in town. In a brand new arena too. And then....first news. Mick Mars left the band and someone someone is replacing him. Uhm...I mean it's devastating, Mick IS Motley, without him they'd be called something ridiculous like Black X - MASS or something simmilarly idiotic, or better yet they'd probably all be dead by now. But you know, I figured alright Mick is sick, probably wants to rest, probably can't do as much touring as they set out to do. Understandable. Imagine my fucking surprise last week when the news breaks that Mick is suing Motley.

I've been trying to avoid the drama but that's impossible with couple hundred pages liked both on Instagram and Tumblr. And you know how people are, everyone gotta chip in and contribute to the madness. If I understood the allegations correctly, Mick never left the band but was rather forced out. Wait what? That my friends, is unacceptable to me. I know he wanted to record with the band, the band would be stupid not to let him do that because hello, boys, I'm sorry to say this, but he's the only talent in this band. I also know he wouldn't be able to preform but this is the bush that the rabbit is in it seems, by not preforming they cut Mick's profits from 25 to 5% and I am fuming with anger. Like are you fucking kidding me? How greedy can y'all be? You're all millionares,  is money really worth fucking up your friendship, your ''family'', your fans, your legacy? Is money really above any and all decent human connection? 

Maybe I could stomach greed. Maybe. But what I can't stomach is, how this is apparently just the tip of the ice berg. Apparently this ''abuse'' over Mick has been happening for the past 40 years, apparently they wanted him out of the band since the 80's. Again, I'm sorry, are you fucking kidding me? I remember this episode of LA ink, where Nikki goes and gets Micks face tattooed on his thigh and I just, I can't. Y'all know if there's a barking dog in this band then that dog is Nikki right? So he's the ring leader, he's the problem. The devil. The hypocrite. I love him but I wanna throw a brick in his face you know? How dare you?! Like just how dare you. 

Not sure what the band had to say when responding to these ''allegations'', but I quite honestly don't even want to know, I'm taking Micks side, I know he's right on this, what's fair is fair, and I know who the issue is. Just remember that Steel Panther drama from some time ago, and just who had too much to say about it. Funny Nikki is the one barking about Panters music when the lawsuit accuses him of playing with a pre recorded track. How very interesting. Is it believable? Perhaps. I mean, the man couldn't tell a bass and a guitar apart at the start of the career. One of the responses I did catch was that retiring from touring is retiring from the band. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You can have touring musicians or guests or whatever the hell you want, a musician doesn't have to retire just because they can't tour no more. A musician IS a muscian. They will always be artists. You can't step down and away from that. And they should know that better than anyone. 

Kovač, you idiot. Protecting the band, taking shit about Mick, saying he was ''put up'' to do that, by his lawyers and how this is ''elder abuse''. Idiot. Seriously what an idiot. Allowing the band into gaslighting Mick further, into gaslighting us? Oh piss off for real. Motley is Micks band. It might as well be Mick Mars and the three idiots for all I care, nobody will convince me of it being any different. 

God aren't you all grown ass men too old for fucking drama? For real you guys, here I am, fawning over old men thinking they bring maturity and an inteligent fucking conversations, but looks like that's fucking impossible. I can't with this band, there's always gotta be some drama. Sigh.

Here's a quick memo for the guys, especially Nikki who clearly thinks he's a rock god or something. You are not Motley Crue, you personally. The band is. As a whole. Each individual member brings something to the table, therefore there is no band if the band is not complete, that's not too hard to understand I hope? Every member contributed to amazing music like Girls Girls Girls and Dr. Feelgood, they wouldn't be what they are without all four members, I mean lets be honest we all know that brief period with no Vince the band was shit. But get your damn head out of your ass, the only good thing the band put out recently was one single song and even that one was written by Simple plan. Clearly the band is just Nikki's puppets at this point.

I don't even know why I expected different, or better. I knew what they're like, I've read the Dirt, I knew they aren't saints, but I had hoped they changed. At least a little. At least put their priorities in order. Maybe understood that certain things should be above money and ego...but here we are. I think I'm disappoined because I expected better. I keep getting disappointed because I keep forgetting, at the end of the day when the spotlight turns off they're just people, like you and me, they make stupid mistakes, they make bad choices in life. I just wish these choices were putting sugar on your spaghetti, not something this catastrophic. Well, sugar on your pasta is catastrophic, but you guys understood the reference. I am just devastated. It sucks. It's taking the love I had for the music right out of it. I'm conflicted, I'm angry, I'm confused. 

Which brings us to the root of the problem and the whole reason why I'm writing this in the first place.  I should be writing it with a glass (the one that holds a whole bottle) of wine, not coffee. Sigh. I am seriously conflicted about the concert, it's already paid for, from the get go I said I'm going 90% because of Def Leppard since they don't tour as much. I was SO looking forward to it and now...now I just don't know? Should I even go? On the one hand I love Def Leppard and I really want to go see them, as well as this aint their fucking fault. And on the other hand I just can't bring myself to support this madness. And you know I'm well aware how a couple returned tickets won't make a difference, or a dent, they're millionares, they wont feel it (though of course if everyone rebelled they would feel it but people joining forces for anything at all is unheard of), but this isn't about them, this is about me, my conscience and me making my peace with whatever I chose to do. 

Y'all know how complex it is to be a freaking Libra, never able to decide should you go left or right, is something white or beige, is the glass half full or half empty. Frustrating. So I once again find myself in front of the wall, staring up, not knowing how to cross it. Or better staring at that perfect outfit I chose for the concert, like...spent a month thinking about it...I know I'm lame but after Covid I figured everything should be a big deal. You should plan and look forward to things. Even if they somehow always end completely fucked up, and they never turn out as we planned them. You should still look forward to something, and you should still be excited about it. 

So watch me go absolutely La La Land for the next month (concert is on the 29th of May) trying to decide what the fuck to do. I still absolutely love the music don't get me wrong, I'm separating art from the artist, but the assholes behind it are a bit hard to stomach. In a ''I love you but I don't have to like you'' type thing. I probably won't listen, but you guys, any and all advice is appreciated. What would you do in my shoes? I know what I'll do, complain, cry and drink, probably in that order too. 

Here's to the weekend, hopefully I survive all this rain with a decent amount of wine and no more hair pulling, unless it's Thomas doing the tugging. That's always welcome. Cheers guys!

There's no escape when fire meets fate.

I was going to share a post about art, about how I managed to step out of my comfort zone and not only work with a paintbrush but also on a really and I do mean really large canvas, when let's be honest anything bigger then A4 to me was just like my talent for manths (3+2=purple). But there's other things that bother me far more, like do you know what I'm having a hard time understanding? What the fuck is the matter with people lately? When did human kind became so stupid, evil, judgemental, derailed? Everyday I find something that makes me hate 90% of the human population more.

The other day I saw a man kicking a baby bird, why? It was in his way. You sick fuck. A week before that I saw another man poking snails out of the grass crushing them because aparently they're nothing but ''filth'' no jackass you're the filth. I can't imagine what's the matter with people, where's the humanity? Where's the kindness? Where's some fucking understanding, where's the love? What's the matter with us?!

I can't seem to understand, if we can't even show a bit of kindness towards innocent living beings sharing the planet with us, how can we even begin to show kindness to eachother?

Then again why am I surprised? Trump is the president, right is on the rise, hate is on the rise. Idiotism is on the rise.

I feel so completly lost, I can't decide is there something wrong with me or everyone around me? First sounds more logical doesn't it? I can't understand people, I can't understand the hate, and I sure as fuck can't understand how in 2018, rightist ideas can go through without people telling them flat out they're idiots. Did you know that over 70% of people that are deciding if abortion should be legal or not are men? Like excuse me but in my book it's ''no uterus no opinion''. How can someone even begin to think they have an opinion over a woman's body? A right over it too? It's not right and it's not moral.

Aparently now younger generation not having families is due to feminism, women's rights and the fact that women can get an education...there aren't words, literally there are no words that would describe my anger. Honest to god. So my education is what's stopping me from ''throwing out a couple kids'' and the whole live happily ever after bullshit? Good to know it's not I don't know, my uncertain future, not knowing if I'll have a job, not knowing if I'll be able to take care of a a dog much less of a child, and it's certainly not the fact that moving out on my own is a fantasy that will never come true. Oh hey but let's cut women's education because who wants smart women huh? Fucking idiots.

It seems to me that the only thing missing is changing bonefires to witch burnings at the stakes because holy shit we're going back to the middle ages. And you know what's the worst part? That all my ramblings are like howling to the moon. The younger population couldn't care less, they don't participate in politics, they don't vote they don't do shit and then these old idiots that cleary lost all sense and ideas and purpose in life fuck over all our lives. I'm just done. How is it right or fair that I should live the way someone else tells me to live? Why?

I came to hate this place so much lately. Hating the people, hating the hate, hating the judgment, hating the air that I breathe, hating everything. I've been feeling like a stranger, I've been feeling out of place, I've been feeling like nobody understands me, like I can't fit in with anybody. And it's the worst feeling ever. Like you can't even breathe. So much has happened this year and it's only the end of May. And I am done, tired, can't go on like this any longer. And quite honestly in a world like this one is turning out to be what's the point anymore?

I don't understand blind support, blind faith, blind following something, anything. What the hell? Blid faith into anything will get you killed. I understand support and I understand devotion and all the other crap but I don't get fanatics, obsessions, people acting like rabid dogs if you dare saying you don't agree with them. When did we become this hostile? When did we start thinking that anyone that doesn't share our opinion is the enemy.

To end this post before it gets too angry because yes I'm in a mood I'll just share words of wisdom, or should I say lyrics of wisdom that Mr. Axl Rose (and also Slash, Mckagan and Stradlin) shared back in the 1991. He gets it. People think he's an idiot, and talk shit about him, but he's no fool and he gets it.

Look at your young men fighting, look at your women crying, look at your young men dying the way they've always done before. Look at the hate we're breeding, look at the fear we're feeding, look at the lives we're leading the way we've always done before.

My hands are tied the billions shift from side to side and the wars go on with brainwashed pride for the love of God and our human rights, and all these things are swept aside by bloody hands time can't deny and are washed away by your genocide, and history hides the lies of our civil wars.

D'you wear a black armband when they shot the man who said "peace could last forever"? And in my first memories they shot Kennedy, I went numb when I learned to see, so I never fell for Vietnam we got the wall of D.C. to remind us all that you can't trust freedom when it's not in your hands, when everybody's fightin' for their promised land.

And I don't need your civil war, it feeds the rich while it buries the poor, your power hungry sellin' soldiers in a human grocery store, ain't that fresh, I don't need your civil war, oh no.

Look at the shoes you're filling, look at the blood we're spilling, look at the world we're killing the way we've always done before. Look in the doubt we've wallowed, look at the leaders we've followed, look at the lies we've swallowed and I don't want to hear no more.

My hands are tied for all I've seen has changed my mind but still the wars go on as the years go by with no love of God or human rights. 'Cause all these dreams are swept aside by bloody hands of the hypnotized who carry the cross of homicide and history bears the scars of our civil wars.

I don't need your civil war it feeds the rich while it buries the poor, your power hungry sellin' soldiers in a human grocery store, ain't that fresh, I don't need your civil war.

Whaz so civil 'bout war anyway?

GN'R - Civil war

P.S. Vsem ostalim mladim, ki še imajo vsaj kanček pameti in sposobnosti mišljenja z lastno pametjo pa želim srečn 25 maj. Mal več take mladine k je bla takrat ko je SKOJ uvedu ta praznik pa bi nam blo vsem življenje lepše tut danes. Just sayin.