E forse il mare è dentro di lei.

Do you ever get this feeling of absolute calm, while watching the ocean? The feeling of elation or joy when the sea foam tickles your skin? The feeling of being refreshed when that first splash of cold water hits your heated body? How about that feeling when you dive underwater and there's nothing but silence and peace around you, and you watch the sunlight break on the waves from under the water line and shimmer all around you? How about the feeling of a wave hitting your legs and then pulling back from under your feet, while your toes dig deeper into to the sand? Do you ever yearn for the ocean? Yearn for the healing powers only the ocean has? The power to heal, refresh, recharge, restart...The way only an ocean splashing against the shore can heal your soul. The way only the calm waters can soothe your anxiety, the feeling of being lost, the feeling of being upset...the feeling of your worries being carried away on a wave. Are you ever fascinated when the ocean gets a little too wild, at it's raw power? Do you ever take a moment to marvel and respect mother nature? Do you ever stand in wonder at all the amazment and unknowns of the deeper waters? Of the amazing sea life? Do you feel the water revive you when you jump in and just float on the salty waves? Are you ever fascinated by the myths, the pirates, the mermaids, the unknown sea creatures that may or may not exist?

Have you ever just laid on the deck of a sailing ship, docked in a remote bay, gentle waves rocking it just a tiny bit and nothing but the starry sky above you? No light pollution, no industry, just the night sky, the entire Milky Way above your head...have you ever shared it with someone, watching the stars reflect perfectly in their eyes? Have you ever just sat in the car and drove South. Out of the city. On the roads that wove in and out of the forest, surrounded by trees and then suddenly you catch a glimpse of the ocean. Vast, neverending, blue, breathtaking. Are you longing for the sea but you're afraid of the water? Well maybe the power of the sea is inside you. 

Enjoy these sunsety pictures, all taken with my old Panasonic set on ''sunset'' mode, unedited because I'm lazy and because well some things just don't need no filters. More photos from a brief seaside get away to follow so stay tuned...for now just this much because it's raining outside and I'm missing the warmth, the summer, the ocean like crazy today....

P.S. How about that ''ufo'' in the last two pictures?

I have so much to say but you're so far away.

Looks like today will be another monday without music. I'm sorry. There's just something more important on my mind today. Those of you who are closest to me know what October 10th marks. Those of you who don't...it marks an anniversary. Eight years ago I've lost someone really close to me. And it was as if my world fell apart. I didn't know how to handle it, how to cope with it. I didn't honestly even know how to breathe on my own. I was completly lost. I did the worst I could by locking it all away and ignoring it till it finally blew up in my face and made everything that much worse. I spent so long just lying to myself saying I'm fine, I'm okay, till I believed it and thought everything is okay. But it wasn't. Far from it. It took me a long while to get where I am now. It wasn't easy but it was worth it. Now I can say that I am okay and mean it. But sometimes things are hard. Sometimes everything falls apart again. Sometimes I can't believe it all happened. Sometimes something exciting happens and I feel that horrible pain inside my chest because I can't share it with the one I miss the most. It hurts. But sometimes I'd remember the good times and smile. Sometimes I'd smile and be grateful for the time we had in the first place. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night, crying, wishing it was all just a bad dream...Sometimes I just wish someone could pull a switch and make it stop. Make the pain go away. You know what the problem is? You can be the most sane, the most stable, the strongest person on this god damn planet but love will still find a way to fuck you up. And the hardest part of losing someone isn't having to say goodbye. Goodbye is easy, it's quick. What's really hard is learning to live without that person. You're always trying to fill that void or that empty feeling inside your chest once they're gone. Thing is there's a piece of my heart that always was and always will belong to you, nobody can take it, nobody else can replace you. Days, weeks and months may pass but honestly no matter how much time passed I will never love you or miss you any less. A part of me will always be angry for that ''forever'' I never got. Part of me will always be angry at you for leaving me even if things aren't as easy as they sound. I will never not miss all the fun memories we had together or the times we laughed so hard we couldn't breathe. Or how many times we watched Casper and Interview with the vampire together. Or broke a couple of rules and got into trouble. Which happened many many MANY times. Shit I miss you...people always say you'll be alright, you'll get over it. I never believed that's possible. And it's not. You don't just get over it, you learn to live with it. But you never forget. You don't love them less, you don't miss them less, you just learn to live without them. It makes it so much worse when it's unexpected, when it hits you out of nowhere, like a big fucking school bus. Or a lightning out of a clear blue sky...and the guilt. It never goes away. It never stops eating at you, you never stop thinking if there's maybe something you could of done, if there's something you should see, something you'd need to pay attention to. If there was anything you could do to stop it, prevent it. And the guilt eats you alive. It's not your fault but it hurts like hell. And it drives you insane...I hate that there's things I can't enjoy anymore because you can't and I know you'd slap me silly if you knew. I know you would never want this life for me and I am so sorry for not respecting your wishes.

I saw your favorite band without you and though it was the best time when that one song hit I was a sobbing mess. There is so much that I still want to tell you and yes you are so far away. It's been 2923 days and there hasn't been a day I haven't missed you or wished you were here. I love you so much, I hope you're alright wherever you are.

And you guys, don't forget to tell the ones you love them that you do, tomorrow might be too late. Keep your friends and family close, they're the only ones there for you when shit goes down. And above all don't be afraid to love and be loved because even if it hurts sometimes it's worth it. You know what they say, love is the closest thing we've got to magic.

I'm fading into the night.

The lights go down in another town, there's a music echo through the night. Another stage, another sold out crowd, something just don't feel right. I get so lonely here sometimes, wishing you were here tonight. I'll be fading into the night, maybe this time we'll finally get it right. I can't explain it, I won't even try, with a little faith we'll finally get it right.

How can I miss things I never had? Things I never knew, things that were never mine to begin with? How can I crave something I don't know? How can I miss something I have no right to miss? How can I miss people who done nothing but hurt me? How sadistic do I have to be to miss those people? Maybe because they made me believe they care. I feel like in some stupid teenage soap opera lying in the middle of my bed staring at the wall, listening to the sappiest rock ballads my iPod can produce. See the thing is I know I'm better off without them, and I know I'm happier, most days at least, but sometimes I miss certain things. And don't ask me what those are because I couldn't give you an anwser, something is just missing I suppose. And I'm afraid, afraid I'll forget. I don't want to forget things, though sometimes I may wrack my brain and still can't remember...how someone's voice sounds, their laugh, a smile maybe and I hate myself for it...

Jesus I went dark again. What did y'all do this week? I was lazy. I got nothing done. I'll hit myself on the head some other time for it. I needed a little breather. We should all take some more time for ourselves to be fair. So many tense and stressed out people, it aint helping no one not you and not the people around you. Remember to stop, slow down, take a deep breath. It's going to be alright.

What I did get done was get a new phone and nearly lost my mind while downloading all the apps and contacts into the new one. Why do they have to keep updating phones? I don't even want a new one every two years. I want one good one for good. Is that too damn much to ask for? Now this new one...it's amazing not going to lie, but why on earth would a need a phone that turns into a remote? Or wants to work out with me? Come on be serious all the work out I do is running my fingers over the keyboard. And all the options and reminders and ''making my life easy'' thingys. I mean no wonder people are so damn dumb if their phones think instead of them. And to think all that and it still doesn't have an option that would cancel a text while sending it. Now that's too much...or solar cells on the back so when the battery is dead it recharges itself. That's also too much huh?

And I also changed my hair color a bit. And I was going for purple but it ended up being red. I love it either way but my stubborn hair really knows how to piss me the fuck off. Though it's a good thing that at least for once all of my hair is the same color. Usually it was about 2 - 3 colors but at the moment it looks perfect. You know what I love though? The conditioners that you get with hair dye, it makes your hair so soft and shiny...

So, my boys from Simple plan posted a new video on tuesday called ''Singing in the rain'' make sure you check it out because it's absolutely perfect! Then again everything they do is perfect. Hah. And enjoy your weekend guys, there's probably a sugar coma from all the ice cream for me and binge watching Game of thrones. And probably comfort from not being able to solve one single math problem in my book. What the fuck? Seriously they might as well be Korean or Chinese because I just don't get it. I better go, take care of one another guys stay safe, see ya monday.

Staying up all night, we're cheating time, talking about our hopes and our dreams. When you wake up, I'll be gone, just a memory. I get so crazy here sometimes, you can't tell the days from nights. I'll be fading into the night, maybe this time we'll finally get it right.