I've been staring out my window for a good hour now. Just watching the trees. Isn't it funny when fall arrives, they change color and start falling, first one, then two, then a few more and then suddenly they go all together and there's nothing to the tree but the bare ''skeleton''. Long empty branches reminding you of what once was. Ever considered us humans are just like that? People, things, events, trauma, chipping away at us till there's nothing left? Yeah every spring trees get green again, new life, new start…I suppose for us that start is a bit harder to achieve. I never liked the fall, it's the whole dead, cold, dark, wet, gloomy part that follows that I despise, the part I wish I could skip alltogether.
Which is why there hasn't yet been the post with the summer get away. First off missing the warm summer sun and the beach is one thing, and having no energy to actually edit pictures is another. I have no idea when did photography turn into a chore for me. Just like Inktober. I have no idea when it stopped being fun and it's only my stubborness that made me see things through. And the third reason is that obviously my photos contain pictures of me. Go figure. You know this year is the first year that I actually took a lot of pictures at the beach? I actually felt confident and good about myself so I took tons of pictures in bikinis. I don't usually do that, because well easier to hide behind the lens, and secondly I don't want that kind of attention.
I find it so upsetting how many people that haven't talked to me in YEARS reached out to me after posting just one picture on Instagram. By people I mean men. Why do women put up with men? Because when I complain and my best friend says ''oh you know Nikki not all men…'' she's right. Henry Cavill would never. But really, and this is a question for my guy readers. You think being sleazy will make us magically drop our panties? You think gross comments will make us swoon? You think I appreciate it when you tell me my art is fine but you rather look at me? I'm offended not flattered. This is not a ''in a room full or art I'd still stare at you'' type thing, all you made me feel is like a shitty artist or just not good enough or just…how is a friend a friend if they can't support your work but stalk your private profile? Like I can't…this is a when you wear something with a cleavage and men stare down your shirt instead of into your eyes when you talk type thing.
You think cheap pick up lines are a way to a womans heart? You think any of these tricks actually work? Deep sigh. I am once again considering of removing the ''private instagram''. I know it's stupid. I know I should be able to post what I want and just block / ignore the assholes but when it's 10 assholes a day and once nice person every few months it just gets exhausting you know. I get so pissed off when every now and then there's someone on my ''business profile'' and all they do is like ALL of the stories in the ''my face'' category but don't even look at anything else. It makes me roll my eyes all the way into my skull. Serious question, what happens if I proclaim I'm a lesbian on all profiles? Will these creeps fuck off then? No disrespect to my LGBTQ comunity, you guys know I love you, I'm just wondering, will this send a message to sleazy men that I am NOT interested? Sigh…
In connection to that you get a book review today. Because there are three things I am positive about. First , Edward was a vampire. Lol, kidding. Not that book. Three things I am positive about, there are too little strong female main characters in books, there are too little women in STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) in books and no matter how many friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers books you give me, I will read all of them. What can I tell you I'm a sucker for happy endings. Here's the deal, my heart will always belong to fantasy worlds of Lord of the rings and anything like the Witcher ( whyyyy Henry why?! I mean I know why and my respect for you really grew even more but seriously just why?! You don't expect me to watch Hemsworth in leather and swoon do you? Gross. ) but sometimes I just need a cutsey romance to get through the day – week – month.
Ok so I'll do a ''Love on the brain'' review first because everyone reads Ali's ''Love Hypothesis'' first (so did I) and then bitches about ''LOTB'' (I'm not going to). Here's the deal, yes there are simmilar stories but if you're not a complete idiot you'll figure that out by reading the summary on the back and go figure you can chose just not reading a book instead of bitching about it? I know right, wild idea.
First of, Ali bestie I love you. Thank you for the love for women in STEM and for highlighting the issues they face. I can't believe that in the lords year of 2022 we still have to fight for equality. Sigh. God forbid huh a woman scientist. Or worse a woman scientist better than her male colleagues, the world might spontaneously combust just at the thought of that.
Secondly I will never believe anything but, that men written by women just don't exist. Seriously. They don't. Men in books written by women are the sole reason we sit alone with our cats in matching onesies, watching tv shows about serial killers (or as I like to call them instruction manuals). You don't actually expect me to read about Levi Ward, Adam Carlsen and Aaron Blackford and be normal about it do you?
Here's the deal, ''Love on the brain'' is more relatable to me. No, I'm not as smart as Bee (I wish I was) but the setting in NASA and her general appearance with piercings, tattoos and purple hair that's closer to me than anything. (Dying my hair back to purple next week. So excited!).
So a short summary in case you're unfamiliar with the story;
''Bee Konigswasser lives by a simple code: What would Marie Curie do? If NASA offered her the lead on a neuroengineering project – a literal dream come true – Marie would accept without hesitation. Duh. But the mother of modern phsyics never had to co – lead with Levi Ward.
Sure, Levi is attractive in a tall, dark, and piercing eyes kind of way. But Levi made his feelings toward Bee very clear in grad school – archenemies work best employed in their own galaxies far, far away.
But when her equipment starts to go missing and the staff ignore her, Bee could swear she sees Levi softening into an ally, backing her plays, seconding her ideas…devouring her with those eyes. The possibilities have all her neurons firing.
But when it comes time to actually make a move and put her heart on the line, there's only one question that matters: What will Bee Konigswasser do?''
Before I start with the review WHICH WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS SO BEWARE, can I just say it's hard to focus with helicopers and tanks roaring around? Always fun living next door to the biggest military base. Just waiting for that moment in the day when fighters swoop in and do a couple laps in our skies. Shut up those I love so much. The sound alone gets me all excited, nevermind the barrel rolls they're doing above my house. Lol. And I especially enjoy my dumb neighbors (haven't complained about them in a while huh?) bitching about the noise, the ''danger'' and so on and so on. Scared of a teeny tiny practice fighter. Wonder what they'd do if F-18s of fifth gen flew over our heads. Which reminds me of my time in Tuscany right next to their air force base I think it's ''Rosignano'' beause Aviano is way higher up, I flipped with happiness because they actually had stealth fighter jets that took off without a sound from an underground hangar. Insane! Pretty sure they were Boeings F15 silent eagles. Shut up I love fighter jets.
I'm so off topic right now, lets get back to the book. So spoilers ahead be warned and don't come bitching at me that I ruined the book for you later. Also a question, I got a suggestion to add links below where to buy? Is that something you'd be interested in?
I keep letting other people opinions influence me so I went into this book a tiny bit sceptic. I don't know why because if there's one thing I learned it's that I HATE everything popular (Collen Hoover) and LOVE everything other people hate. Funny isn't it? If people in general don't like it then I'm bound to love it. So it was the same with this one. I read so many negative reviews only to love the book myself in the end. Read it in one afternoon. Already excited about Ali's third book coming out next year but more on that another time. Love on the brain in my opinion is the perfect amount of drama, romance and comedy.
Imagine after some devastating career blows you get an offer from NASA. Yes THE NASA. Here I am my brain melting though I'll never get the chance. Sadly. Maybe if they ever need an assistant to make scientists coffee or something like that. Hah. So imagine Bee gets an offer from NASA she's over the moon about it OF COURSE and then the other shoe drops. It's always that way. Always. Nothing good ever happens without something else going wrong. It's like tipping the scales, you can never have light without dark type thing. So accepting the NASA gig means Bee is working with Levi, her arch enemy. He constant rival. Her nemesis. Now she knows he hates her (not at all) and she doesn't want to see him again let alone work with him. But to get away from her job and terrible boss she needs this project to work out. So whatcha gonna do? Bite the bullet aye?
Listen I love Bee she's adorable, she's badass, she's smart, and sometimes just such a bimbo like how did you not realise that boy is head over heels for you girl? I love her style, I love her purple hair (vegan yay!) I love her humor and I hate how she's underestimated and pushed to the side too much and assaulted, but that's how it is for women in STEM no? I love her fangirling over Marie Curie and how she made a twitter account to connect a whole community, that was such a fun addition to the story and go figure now we all know a bit more about Marie which I can only call a bonus.
Now the sciency part of the book? Sounds great but I have no idea what they're really doing. Stimulating parts of astronaut brain to help control emotional response? Something like that? I think. It was interesting to read even if a bit confusing at times. And I seriously hope NASA would not care about her purple hair. I like to believe what's inside that head that matters not on it.
AND now we get to the absolute cinnamon roll, sunshine, adorable baby that is Levi Ward. We start off with this cold, shut off Levi, he's silent, he's moody and broody, he's avoiding Bee, he seems rude to her, but that's just because he's an idiot and doesn't know how to deal with his feelings and actually talk. If they just talked to eachother and cleared misunderstandings would be so great. Why are people like this really? I know laying your cards on the table is scary but if we did it more often…life could be hella easier. Says the girl that has never been honest about her feelings in her life. The whole dynamic between him and Bee besides avoiding of course lol is so cute. He respects her, listens to her, and just is there for her you know. Call me late at night from a cemetery and I'm there in ten minutes type thing. And I'll make you dinner and give you itch relief cream…sigh. AND to make matters worse you guys, he's a cat dad. I can't. Seriously men written by women do NOT exist.
There's this long post…LONG post. A confession, Levi tells Bee how he feels about her, not knowing he's telling it to her. Confusing I know. Read the damn book. But seriously that confession has got to be one of the cutest things I've read. Here's to sitting on the couch with your cat and wine daydreaming about what's it like to have that perfect match. It's kinda funny really how Levi has been in love and pining over Bee for years and she misread it as hate. I mean they do say that there's a fine line between love and hate but still. Funny. I actually loved all the frustrating moments where he almost told her why he doesn't hate her but was always somehow interrupted. Frustratingly funny.
Listen to me. Bee has an assistent called Rocio. And I am in love. For real. Goth girl. Drama queen. Boots. Heavy makeup. Jet black hair. Rebel. That whole ''we're all going to die'' dark depressing vibe? Cmon you guys she's basically me. Of course I love her. Bee also has a sister who is everything I wish I was. Free spirited, today in Paris, tomorrow Norway, next week god knows. Let's pretend I'm brave enough for such a lifestyle. And oh my god I just had a random enlightenment (is that how this word is spelled?). You know that ''You've got mail'' is one of my favourite movies? I don't actually have a copy because movies on DVDs are so hard to get here, so usually they run it on tv each year in like November or December and I'm glued to the screen. I know it by heart by now but I love it still. Anyways, no wonder I love this book, it has some major You've got mail vibes.
Oh you guys there's quite some NSFW parts in here…*wiggles eyebrows* just saying. It gets pretty steamy. Now to wrap this up, let me just say I love how Bee has each country she lived in tattooed on her back, each one representing home, and I love how the line of tattoos ends with the outline of the house she lives in with Levi because in the end that is home. Fuck. So sweet. Don't you just love a happy ending? I do. Maybe because in real life they just don't exist no more. Let at least my books be happy. Or it's the way my ex told me that I'm obsessed with finding love because I can't love myself. Sounds rude, but he's actually right. So, for the actual ending (can y'all believe I'm writing again? Must be a miracle on it's own) enjoy this tiny doodle of Bee and Levi plus bonus Schrodinger who makes me wonder will I ever learn to draw cats? Sigh. I love how this one came out though, for a doodle it's better than my usual work *cough* inktober *cough*. And yes I do have NASA sheets. Shut up.
